I leaned against the wall of the shower while the soot washed out of my coat and tried to get my breathing under control. My heart was hammering so hard against my ribs I thought it would burst any second now.
I called her mom! I can't believe I went there! She's going to think I'm messing with her or something!
I thunked my head against the shower wall while I tried to get my thoughts straight. I wasn't even sure why I'd cracked that joke; I was just desperate to get some privacy before I freaked out in front of her.
It's not like I'm unhappy about it all! This is great! It's just...
You remember our old parents.
... Barely.
Do you remember torching the orphanage records so nopony would know about them? So we could have a clean start at Twilight's school? I guess it backfired now that you've lost your marbles.
I didn't torch those records, YOU did.
Same difference.
Ugh!
I thunked my head a little harder against the wall. I had formed this image of what I used to be like in my head based on what other ponies told me, and now that I was recovering some of my memories I kept holding conversations with 'old Cozy Glow' in my head whenever I tried to think back.
I knew it wasn't healthy, so I kept trying to push it out, but I'd just sort-of slide into it whenever I thought about events before my memory loss.
Unfortunately, pushing the voice out just brought me back around to what I'd been worrying about before. Luna had been an angel to me so far, but who was to say things would stay that way? Maybe she just wanted to keep an eye on Equestria's most psychotic child, and she was just humoring me. Getting me to trust her, to need her, so I wouldn't act out again.
Or maybe she just wants a spare alicorn to point at problems, and you're nice and vulnerable. Remember when we used to be the ones who—
Shove it, Cozy Glow!
It's the truth, though. You can't really trust anypony. They all know what we did, so of course they're going to walk on eggshells around us. Their goal is always going to be to control us and keep us from causing problems, at best, and at worst you're just a chess piece. A rook to send out to take the opposing knights, just to be sacrificed to the pawns.
Oh good GRIEF, did I really think in chess metaphors back then? SO LAME. It's like I was an overachiever at being a cliche villain!
That got a chuckle out of me, despite myself, and I sat down in the shower and tried not to think too hard about what kind of pony laughed at burns they laid into their own mental alter-ego.
Oh yeah, just deflect rather than acknowledging my point. Sure showed me!
What point? That they want to use me as a shield against villains? HELLLOOOO, I'm a super hero! I volunteered for that! that's the whole point! I AM the rook on the front line, remember?!
More like a pawn.
If they want to sacrifice me, why should I care?!
I groaned and rubbed my face with my hoof. This was definitely not a healthy way to think.
I should just be happy right now! I've got a new family! One that isn't awful!
That's just it, though. Do you really? You know how this game is played, and you know she could be working you over just like we did to those easy marks at the school.
... Fine. I don't know for sure. But there's buck-all I can do about it right now, so I might as well trust her and hope for the best. I should focus on something I can actually do. Like more heroics, or studying.
Sure, sure. Be 'Quillon' and go save the day; right up until you need real strategy and manipulation to get things done, of course.
Just because I'm good at manipulation and I use it to save the day doesn't mean I'm a bad pony.
So why does it bother you so much?!
I huffed and shut off the shower.
This is dumb. I'm going to bed.
I forced my mind to be quiet as I dried off, trotted over to Luna's bed – our bed, I guess – and slumped over.
Despite everything, the last thing that came to mind for me was Luna's smile when I told her I wanted to stay with her. I smiled back as I drifted off, though there was still a twinge of uncertainty in the back of my mind.
ummm wow
this sequel is gonna be interesting
10008939
Glad you think so. And welcome to the commenter's club! Sometimes I feel like only the 3d6-2 people who comment on my fics read them; it's cool to see a new face show up on the sequel (unless you made a comment on the previous fic that I've forgotten was by you, in which case I apologize)
You ever just have one of those days where the context of how fucked your life is leads you to have a panic attack over having called someone who offered to adopt you "mom?"
No? Just me and Cozy? Okay.
... Wow.
I mean, yeah, sensible, but wow.
Oh dear. Oh no. Oh, we're going here.
Ahaha. Haha. Ahahahaha.
Solo. Why are you doing this to me? Is this about the crack I made about you drinking my Monster Energy drinks at Bronycon? Is this your revenge?
I was gonna save this for the end of the comment, buuuut- it just seemed too appropriate:
Gotta admit, the repressed self-hatred Cozy Glow has dissociated from to the point where she's basically hallucinating voices in her head is pretty fucking sharp.
This paragraph got a hard "D'aww" from me right up until the finale clause, then it went back to kicking me in the soul.
First story not even out of the feature box and the sequel already has two chapters already...
I must have done something really good to deserve this late Chrismas gift.
man, it's 4 pm here, but there is always time for Cozy!
10008963
I actually wrote these stories as a late Christmas gift to FIMfic, I'm really glad someone took it that way! Have another chapter!
This is how I make up for missing Jinglemas this year.
10008988
Damn right.
Jesus!!
Oh.
10010581
My thoughts exactly. No, really!
Ha.
Oh, why, isn't it a old good ass-formed bipolar personality disorder? My, you are sure working hard to squeeze something worth a plot line... Perhaps personally switches are already on the way.
10011299
That's not bipolar, or MPD. It's just a reflexive thought process on her part as her memories come back.
Ohh, now that title of this chapter makes sense. It's interesting that Cozy Glow has these inner conversations with her past self. It definitely shows the stark difference in their way of thinking. Makes me wonder if Luna went through something similar when remembering her past life as Nightmare Moon. Curious to see where things are heading from here.
10022562
Glad it's not too talky for you. I've been told that about a few older fics, heh.
Curse you, enemy within.
Ah, there’s the pseudo split-personality disorder I saw in Isekai. I was wondering.
I wish you did that. That would have been amazing.
-GM, master of the eastern front.
Well, wasn’t this a nice chapter?
Meh, I think it seemed half-hearted.
Half-heart- Do you even know what that means? Come on, the mental struggles in this were amazing!
I would’ve preferred a random monster attack, more action.
That would’ve made it worse! This was awesome on its own.
Well, you seem to think throwing violence into a story makes it great. After all, that’s what you do all the time.
Wha- Why, I- You know what, forget it. Long story short, great chapter.
10052997
Heh. Relatable, I see.
Ooh, that's brutal to go through. Also, she's an orphan here. That makes probably the most sense of any possible origin story for her.
Seriously, show. Nice job fucking that up.
Ah, she has a tulpa
10052997
This IS a monster attack.
Real monsters do not hide under beds. They hide in people's heads.
10377065
Perfect comment.
10377065
Brings the tale of two wolves to mind.
*coin tossing
10051731
We never heard her thoughts. I'm not sure the writers ever fleshed her out enough that she had any.