Mortal Kombat: Equestria

by Green Akers

The Party's Over

After successfully repelling the changeling horde's invasion of Equestria, Princess Celestia returned to Canterlot Castle to survey the damage and deal with the political aftermath. "Prepare a letter to Princess Cadance," she dictated to one of her armored pegasus knights. "Tell her that she and her husband are to travel to New York City at once."

"Of course, Princess," the guard agreed. "What are they to do there?"

"I want them to introduce a resolution to the United Nations Security Council," Celestia declared, "condemning the actions of the Changeling Empire, and bringing the full weight of the world down on their shapeshifting little heads! I want economic sanctions, I want weapons inspectors, I want everything!"

"Right away, Princess!" The knight saluted his princess, and hurried off to craft the letter.

"Let's see how our friend Chrysalis likes having all her financial assets frozen," Princess Celestia grumbled to herself, as she entered her throne room. Sitting down upon her throne, she used her magic to bring an old, red rotary phone to her side, then levitated the receiver and began dialing furiously. "Hello?!" she shouted into the phone. "Is this Zeus's office? This is the fair and wise Princess Celestia of Equestria, calling to complain about a certain cymbal-wearing ex-employee of his. Is he in?" A few moments passed in silence, as Celestia listened to the reply. "What do you mean, he's out of the office?" she screamed. "Don't tell me that lout is out playing golf again!"

"Um...Princess?" A dark-coated knight stuck his head into the throne room. "We have somepony here to see you."

"Tell that dork I hope he triple-bogeys the entire back nine, and have him call me back ASAP!" Celestia snapped, before slamming the receiver back down onto the phone. "Now, what was that you said?" she asked the knight.

"A foreign dignitary has arrived to speak with you," the knight explained. "Shall I send him in?"

Celestia threw up her front hooves in exasperation. "Sure, why not?" she decided. "It's not like my day can get any worse."

"Very well, then," the guard said, stepping back out of the room.

"Just my luck," Celestia muttered, using her magic to put away the phone. "Some random ambassador shows up to talk shop just as my kingdom goes to heck in a hoofbasket." Turning again to her magic, she removed a glass box from underneath her throne, which featured the phrase 'BREAK IN CASE OF EMERGENCY' on every side. Removing the contents of the box (a chocolate cake), she flung the empty box against the nearest wall, where it shattered with a loud crash. "Desperate times call for desperate measures," she proclaimed, taking a humongous bite out of the side of the cake.

After a few minutes of eating in solitude, the dark-coated pegasus guard returned to the room. "Presenting our esteemed guest," he announced, "Emperor Shao Kahn of Outworld!"

"What?!?!" Celestia's eyes nearly bulged out of her head, and she spewed the chocolaty contents of her mouth across the room. "You!" she snapped, as the Outworld ruler stepped through the door.

"My dear princess!" Shao Kahn called out, setting down a large bag he had been carrying and kneeling deferentially. "It is good to finally meet you in person! Or in pony, as the case may be."

"Can it, bonehead," Celestia growled. "What do you want?"

Shao Kahn unleashed a hearty laugh. "Why, Celestia," he cackled, "such a hostile tone is hardly necessary, is it? Why, I've even brought you a gift, harvested fresh from my private island this morning!" He picked up his bag and tossed it in Celestia's direction.

"You're too kind, really," Celestia offered in an icy tone. She summoned her magic to turn the bag upside down, dumping several bunches of yellow, elongated fruits onto the floor.

"I hope my offering suits your tastes," Shao Kahn said with a sly grin. "After all, I heard you like...bananas."

"Idiot." Celestia brushed the bag and the bananas off to the side of the room with a wave of her horn.

Shao Kahn began strolling slowly around the throne room, admiring the architecture. "I must admit, the decor here is a bit too...cheery...for my tastes," he observed, "but the voice I heard downstairs screaming in pain and begging for death made me feel right at home!"

"That would be my sister," Celestia explained. "As punishment for her lackluster performance during our recent national crisis, I've hung her upside down by her hooves in her bedroom, taped her eyes open, and forced her to watch a marathon of Here Come Honey Boo Boo." The princess could not help but chuckle at her idea. "She should be just starting Season 2 right about now," she guessed.

Shao Kahn laughed again. "I ordered the same punishment for Reiko and Tanya just last month!" he revealed. "Perhaps, dear Celestia, we are not so different after all."

"Dude, we're not even the same order, let alone the same species," the princess pointed out. "Cut to the chase, Kahn - what are you really here for? Have you come to surrender, and spare yourself the shame of being humiliated in battle by my subjects?"

"Oh my, no," Kahn replied. "You see, princess, I am here because out of all the things I stand for - pain, violence, the occasional cupcake - the thing I am most passionate about is equality of opportunity!"

"Uh huh," Celestia muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, Celestia," Shao Kahn continued, "Mortal Kombat is not about race, or class, or gender, or even whether you are man or machine! It's about stepping into the ring, mano a mano, with a chance to knock the stuffing out of your opponent and claim victory!"

"Or, in Raiden's case," Celestia noted, "it's about getting duped into giving up your power and getting roped into a fixed match officiated by a replacement referee."

"That's precisely what I wanted to talk to you about!" Kahn said with a smile. "Being the benevolent dictator I am, I gave Raiden the chance to redeem his fallen fighters and enter the tournament, because yours truly is all about opportunity!" He extended his hand to the princess. "I would be remiss," he declared, "if I did not offer the same opportunity to you...for the right price, of course."

Princess Celestia rolled her eyes a second time. "As much fun as it would be to plant a hoof in your booty and manually launch you to the moon," she proclaimed, "I'm simply having too much fun sitting around the castle, eating cake, torturing my sister, and watching my subjects put a beatdown on your puny underlings. Unlike Raiden, I sent a group of warriors who could actually finish the job, and you."

Shao Kahn shrugged. "Well, you can't say I didn't give you a chance!" he decided. "But know this, princess: I've added your friend Chrysalis to my management team..."

"So you're responsible for our recent invasion," Celestia interrupted. "If it weren't for diplomatic immunity, Kahn, I'd pop you in the mouth right now."

"Sorry, PC, but you've already turned me down, and we don't believe in takebacks in Outworld!" Kahn cackled. "When I defeat your little ponies and become the king of Earthrealm, you will be deposed as ruler of this pathetic realm, and Chrysalis's brood shall feast on the ashes of your empire."

Celestia didn't even flinch at the threat. "Let me explain something to you, pal," she snarled. "My sister and I took control of Equestria by smacking down the previous ruler - a draconequus with enough power to literally turn the world inside out, mind you - and turning him into a glorified lawn ornament. When Luna decided to try and overthrow me, I sentenced her to ten thousand years of hard time on the moon. When King Sombra enslaved the Crystal Empire, I transmogrified him into water vapor. My question for you is this: How do you think I managed to do all that?"

"The answer is irrelevant," Kahn proclaimed, "for your declining of my heartfelt invitation means that the fate of the world rests with your 'faithful student' and her friends, not you."

"Wrong answer, bonehead!" Celestia revealed. "The answer, obviously, is 'The Elements of Harmony!' But gee, I don't control them anymore...I wonder who does?" She scratched her chin with her hoof as she pretended to rack her brain. "Oh, that's right, my 'faithful student' and her friends! You've met them, haven't you?"

"I have," Kahn grumbled, "and I can see who they get their irrational confidence from."

"Now, now," Celestia said, "I'm sure that you're a perfectly evil dictator, and can strike fear into the heart of millions with nothing but a sneer. Around here, though, you and your stable of ham-fisted losers don't even crack our top ten list of national security threats." She summoned her magic to bring a quill and a scroll to her side. "Speaking of which," she added, "I'm scheduled to deliver a list of 'The Top Ten Things Ponies Do Better Than Humans' to David Letterman tonight, and I've only thought of six so far, so...you can let yourself out."

"Very well," Shao Kahn agreed. "But mark my words, princess: We shall meet again, and when we do...you shall be groveling at my feet, begging for mercy."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Celestia dismissed the threat with a wave of her hoof. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out, okay?" She shook her head as the Outworld emperor left the room. "Why do evil psychopaths always have to be so darn dramatic?" she wondered.

---

While Shao Kahn traded verbal barbs with Princess Celestia, his henchmen Baraka and Noob Saibot were trudging through a dark, cavernous dungeon deep within the mountains of Outworld, on a mission to retrieve a new combatant for Kahn's tournament. "Man, this place gives me the creeps," Baraka admitted, as he ducked under a cluster of stalactites. "Remember when Drahmin came down here a few years ago?"

"Yeah, he got captured by a bunch of drow elves who wanted to sacrifice him to some random deity," Noob Saibot recalled. "It took us six months to root them all out of here, and Drahmin still has to go to therapy. He told me the night terrors have finally stopped, and he only wets the bed about once a month now, but he's still a little claustrophobic."

"Do...Do you suppose they're still down here?" Baraka wondered.

"I'm trying not to think about it," Noob replied.

"Me too," Baraka conceded, "but I'm thinking about it, anyway."

Noob Saibot nodded in agreement. "Maybe we should think of a way to distract ourselves," he offered.

"Good idea!" Baraka agreed. "How about a game of 'Would You Rather?'"

"Yeah!" Noob said. "You go first."

Baraka racked his brain for a good question. "How about this: Would you rather fight Super Mario, or Tim Tebow?" he asked.

"Definitely Mario," Noob Saibot answered without hesitation. "I've fought enough people who have a god on their side, thank you very much."

"True," Baraka said. "but I got stomped by Mario a couple of tournaments ago, and my head still hurts. It's amazing how someone that fat can jump that high."

"I used to say the same thing about Charles Barkley," Noob Saibot remarked. "Anyway, it's my turn now, isn't it...I know! Who would you rather fight, Rambo or MacGyver?"

"Ooh, that's a tough one," Baraka commented. "I guess I'd have to say Rambo - I mean, there are only so many ways that he could beat you. Remember when MacGyver beat Cyrax using paper clips and a set of banjo strings?"

"Oh yeah," Noob remembered. "He's been allergic to bluegrass music ever since."

"Okay, my turn," Baraka declared. "Would you rather fight...hey, we're here!"

"Heyward Heer?" Noob Saibot gave Baraka a funny look. "I don't know him."

"No, I mean, we're here!" Baraka pointed at a solid iron door set into the side of the rock wall, not three feet from Noob's position.

"Oh, right," Noob said. "Bring the torch over here so I can make sure."

Baraka held the torch close to the door, illuminating a raised metal plaque attached to the front of the door. "'We...Are...Many," Noob Saibot read from the plaque. "Yep, this is the one, all right. Do you have the key?"

Baraka reached into his pocket and pulled out a rusty iron key. "You wanna do the honors?" he asked.

Noob Saibot took the key from Baraka, and inserted it into the lock. Despite its age, the lock turned easy, and a metallic click signaled that the door was open. "Come on," Noob Saibot directed, gesturing to Baraka.

"I, uh...think I'll wait out here," Baraka suggested. "I can't imagine you-know-who is happy about being locked down here for so long, and I'd rather not have him take his aggression out on me."

"Come on, you big baby!" Noob grabbed Baraka by the shirt, opened the door, and flung the sharp-toothed warrior inside. "Hey, Error Boy!" Noob shouted into the darkness, as he stepped inside the cell. "We've got a job for you!"

"Please keep in mind that it was Kahn's decision to lock you down here, not ours!" Baraka added nervously. "And remember that shooting the messenger is generally considered poor form!"

The two warriors' comments were met with only silence. "Good grief!" Noob Saibot muttered, as he facepalmed. "Did Kahn give us the wrong cell or something?"

Suddenly, a single word echoed through the minds of Baraka and Noob Saibot: Speak.

"I guess not," Noob said with a shrug. "Anyway, uh, Shao Kahn has a mission for you: There's a..."

You wish for us to face the mysterious and unpredictable warrior in charge of the tournament after-party scene, the voice interrupted. The one they call...Pinkie Pie.

"Well...yeah, if you would," Noob Saibot confirmed.

Very well, the voice agreed. We are ready.

WHAM! The cell door suddenly closed and locked into place, trapping Noob Saibot and Baraka inside. "Hey!" Baraka objected. "What are you doing? Let us out!"

Fear not, the voice assured the fighters. The rats here are relatively small, and they do not bite unless provoked.

"Rats?!" Baraka screeched. "I hate rats! They're ugly, and nasty, and..."

And they do not take kindly to being insulted, the voice explained.

A series of squeaks suddenly filled the cavern. "AAAHHH!!!" Baraka screamed, jumping into Noob Saibot's arms.

"For crying out loud, it's just a..." Noob Saibot stopped as he spotted several sets of red eyes staring at him from the corner of the room, eyes that he estimated to be about six inches below his own eye level. "This is not good," he observed.

Outside the cell, a tall, muscular ninja dressed in a red tunic stood and listened to the cacophony of squeaks and screams for a moment, then turned and began walking away. Their fate will pale in comparison to that which we have in store for Emperor Kahn, the man thought to himself. We shall have our revenge, and this 'Pinkie Pie' will not stand in our way.

---

Back on Kahn's island, Twilight Sparkle was trying to figure out what to do about her shrinking circle of friends, which she feared was on the verge of disintegrating entirely. The four remaining ponies had bickered all the way down from the mountain cave where Rarity had beaten Applejack, and went their separate ways immediately upon reaching their hut. Twilight had spent every moment since then racking her brain to figure out how to reunite her friends and refocus their efforts on defeating Shao Kahn together, knowing the task was impossible as long as they were divided. Unfortunately, her efforts yielded no new ideas, which left her with no other choice but to escalate the problem to her mentor.

"Dear Princess Celestia," Twilight dictated aloud, as she wrote down her thoughts on a sheet of paper, "although we have made great progress through Emperor Kahn's tournament, the effect on the attitudes of my friends leads me to conclude that we are on the preci..." Twilight halted for a moment before realizing that this time, she was writing her own letter, and thus was free to show off her vocabulary. "Precipice of disaster," she continued. "Our strength has always come from our bonds as friends and fellow ponies, but the island's atmosphere of violence and selfishness is beginning to rub off on the others, and while our resolve has not weakened, I fear our friendships, and thus our power, have suffered. I have so far been unsuccessful in warding off these problems, and request your immediate assistance to ensure that our mission is successful. I await your quick response. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

Her letter finished, Twilight instinctively looked around to find Spike and have him send the message to the princess, but quickly re-remembered that she was on her own. Luckily, the brochure she had picked up from the island's visitor center listed a post office among the island's amenities, and a quick ten-minute walk brought her to a beachside shack manned by one of Kahn's ninjas. "Excuse me," Twilight asked, as she approached the counter, "but I have an urgent letter that needs to be sent to Princess Celestia immediately."

"Not a problem, ma'am," the ninja answered. "We'll send it out right away."

"Thank you, sir," Twilight said with a smile. She left the letter on the counter and turned to leave, never giving a thought to exactly how the letter would be delivered.

The ninja, for his part, rolled up the letter, deposited it into a glass bottle, corked the bottle, wrote 'TO: PRINCESS SUHLESTEUH' on a sticker, applied the sticker to the outside of the bottle, and finally heaved the bottle out of the shack's beach-facing window. The note landed in the ocean with a splash, in the middle of roughly two hundred other corked bottles floating just offshore.

---

At the behest of the Fox Broadcasting Company, Pinkie's battle had been scheduled for the night's primetime bout, as the pony's unique brand of "Pinkieness" translated into any language, and thus drove ratings to heights even Johnny Cage and Liu Kang had never achieved.

As night began to fall across the island, Twilight became more and more agitated, partially because she had no idea where Pinkie Pie had gone off to, and partially because Princess Celestia had not yet answered her letter. "Something terrible must have happened," she told Rarity and Rainbow Dash, who had both finally returned to the ponies' hut. "She's always been so prompt! I hope everything's alright back home."

Rarity sighed. "I'm sure everything is just fine," she reassured Twilight, while continuing to stare into the mirror in front of her and adjust the hat she wearing. "She's probably just busy with her other duties right now."

"Hurry up, you slowponys!" Rainbow Dash demanded from her position at the entrance of her hut. "Stop worrying about your letters and your outfits! The fight starts in fifteen minutes!"

"I will not have myself broadcast around the world looking anything less than fabulous!" Rarity declared, using her magic to remove a few excess feathers from her hat. "Personally, I'd rather stay in tonight," she admitted, "given these brutes' penchant for throwing dirt into the crowd and generally making a mess of things."

"Fine, you can stay home, then," Rainbow snapped, taking off into the air. "I'm going to watch the fight. Smell y'all later!"

"Rainbow, wait!" Twilight rushed out after her friend, but the pegasus was long gone, leaving only a rainbow-colored streak behind her. Twilight muttered something under her breath, then turned back to Rarity. "We really should get going ourselves," she advised.

"Oh, just go without me, darling," Rarity offered, waving Twilight away with her hoof. "Arriving fashionably late is...well, more fashionable."

Twilight shook her head, but decided to take Rarity's advice anyway, and hurried over to the customary late-night battle site, just outside the building where Kahn had hosted his introductory feast. Much of the crowd had already crowded around the ring by the time Twilight arrived, leaving her in a peripheral position near the broadcast table, where Joe Buck and Hulk Hogan sat discussing recent tournament developments.

"...not only have we seen the first draw in Mortal Kombat history," Joe was explaining to the viewers at home, "but tournament officials are now telling us that one of tonight's combatants has had to withdraw because his wife has just gone into labor."

"It's a no-brainer, brother!" Hulk proclaimed. "As good as it feels to rearrange a man's face with your bare hands, the birth of your first child is one of the greatest feelings in the world! I gotta say, though, that the news really caught the Hulkster by surprise - I've known Solid Snake a long time, and I didn't even know he was married!"

"What?!" The switch caught Twilight by surprise, and she rushed over to the broadcast table. "What do you mean, withdrawal?" she demanded, stepping in between Joe and Hulk. "I didn't hear anything about a withdrawal! Since when has there been a withdrawal?"

"Er...And we're happy to be joined by Twilight Sparkle, a member of the pony team that has been the story of this tourney thus far," Joe improvised. "Twilight, with the opponent switch only now being announced, how do you think your friend Pinkie Pie will respond?"

Twilight ignored Joe's question, and instead started trying to look over the crowd to get a look at the replacement fighter. "Which one is fighting?" she asked.

"That would be the person standing inside the battle ring," Joe answered, gesturing towards the red-tunic-wearing ninja that had arrived from Outworld a few hours ago. "Now, let's go back to Pinkie Pie for a moment..."

"I see him!" Twilight declared, quickly rushing away from the table and pushing through the crowd to try to get a ringside seat (a task made substantially easier by a certain pointed object on top of her head).

"...Uh, thank you for your time, Twilight," Joe deadpanned. "Now then, let's discuss the other hot topic of the day: The recent UN resolution introducing sanctions against the Changeling Empire..."

As the broadcasters continued talking, Twilight reached the edge of the battle ring, finally getting a clear view of Pinkie's new challenger. Physically, the stranger seemed no more imposing than anypony else on the island, but the strong magical aura emanating from him sent a chill down Twilight's spine. She didn't know exactly what Pinkie was up against, but despite the pink pony's talent for making the hard look easy, this battle would not be a cakewalk.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the ringside announcer spoke up, "The final battle of the evening is about to begin, so let me hear you make some noise!" A huge roar went up from the crowd in response.

"In this corner," the announcer continued, gesturing towards the empty side of the ring, "the sugar-fueled sensation with a license to chill, who moonlights as a baker, fortune teller, superhero, and detective in her spare time...Pinkie Pie!"

The decidedly-pro-Pinkie crowd went ballistic as Pinkie Pie bounced into the ring. "What's cooking, everypony?" she shouted to the crowd. "We're gonna blow the roof off this place tonight! ...Well, at least we would, if islands had roofs!"

"And in this corner," the announcer said, "standing in for Solid Snake, a man whose very existence was denied by the world's governments until recently, a man who gives new meaning to the term 'multiple personality'...Ermac!"

The crowd began booing Pinkie's opponent with all their might, but the red-clad ninja said nothing.

"And now," the announcer concluded, "we ask tonight's challengers: Are you ready?"

"You betcha!" Pinkie confirmed. "Time to get jiggy with it!"

The red ninja remained silent, but nodded his approval.

"In that case," the announcer declared, "FIGHT!"

Various members of the crowd began shouting encouragement at Pinkie Pie: "Get this party started, Pink!" "This dweeb's got nothing!" "Make him wish he'd never been born!"

"Hurry up and beat this chump!" Rainbow Dash chimed in from high above the ring. "You've got more power in your hair than this loser's ever seen!"

Pinkie Pie opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Ermac's unfamiliar voice inside her mind. This atmosphere does not suit our sensibilities, the ninja declared. Our mission is to destroy you, not 'perform' for some infernal audience.

Who are you? Pinkie thought back. I've heard a lot of voices in my head, but I've never heard you before. Are you new here? My name's Pinkie Pie, and I like baking cakes, singing songs, playing pranks, and making friends! Do you want to be friends?

You have far too many friends already, Ermac replied. Perhaps we should go someplace...quiet.

Suddenly, the world around Pinkie Pie began melting away, and a dark void began to take its place. "Hey! What's going on?" Pinkie asked. "What are you doing?"

Welcome to my world, Ermac cackled. Won't you come on in?

With that, the void swept the ground out from underneath Pinkie Pie, and she started falling into the darkness. "WAAAHHH!!!" Pinkie wailed as she fell.

In truth, however, Pinkie had fallen under Ermac's telekinetic trance, her mind trapped in a bizarre virtual reality. Back in real reality, the two combatants were still standing in the battle ring, completely motionless. "It appears that someone has hit the pause button on our match!" Joe Buck quipped. "The fighters are still examining each other, looking for a weak spot..."

Twilight broke out in a cold sweat as she looked into Pinkie's glazed-over eyes, and wondered if Ermac had already found one.

---

Pinkie Pie's descent into Ermac's dream world ended abruptly with a hard landing on a gray, stone-like surface, although Pinkie, true to form, happily bounced off of it as if she were a rubber ball. Taking a look around, the pink pony found herself apparently alone in a large room that seemed to expand infinitely into space, its edges obscured by shadows. "Hello?" she called out, the word echoing in the room several times before fading out.

"Ooh, neato!" Pinkie remarked, giggling at the room's acoustics. "Echo!" she shouted, smiling as she put a hoof to her ear to hear the room repeat the word back to her. This time, however, there were no echoes.

Your low amusement threshold amuses us, Ermac's voice announced from high above Pinkie Pie, but we have business to discuss. Allow us to introduce you to OUR friends.

On cue, several hundred human-like forms appeared at the edge of the shadows, their features still obscured by darkness. "Wow!" Pinkie exclaimed, as the forms formed a large ring around Pinkie Pie. "That's a lot of friends!"

Being surrounded by so many people that were not her friends (yet) caused Pinkie's friend-making instincts to kick in, and she trotted up to one of the people standing at the edge of the circle, a tough-looking hombre in full cowboy regalia who looked like he had just stepped out of a frontier town in the Old West. "Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" the pony introduced herself. "What's your name?"

The target of Pinkie's question scowled down at the pony from underneath his weathered cowboy hat. "And just what are you supposed to be, pilgrim?" he drawled.

"I'm a pony!" Pinkie replied with a smile.

"You ain't either!" the cowboy shot back. "Why, we've got jackrabbits back home that stand taller than you! You're the sorriest-lookin' pony I've seen in all my born days, not to mention the ugliest!"

A few scattered laughs echoed through the room. "Hey!" Pinkie Pie objected. "That's not very..."

"What's with your coat, anyway?" a gentleman sporting a long, snow-white beard and carrying a book about finches chimed in from across the circle. "Tell me, did you evolve from a pig or a flamingo?"

"Mon dieu! Zee colors, zay are atrocious!" a man with a smock, a beret, and a thick French accent agreed. "And zat face...disgusting! It looks like something zat hack Picasso would design!"

"What's wrong with my face?" Pinkie demanded, as said face flushed red in frustration.

Much of the circle was now pointing at Pinkie and cracking jokes at her expense. "Nice birthmark, Gorbachev!" an older man wearing a suit and tie called out as he pointed at Pinkie's cutie mark. "Forget Russia - you're the one I should have outlawed!"

"I'm surprised she doesn't fly, brother!" a mustachioed man wearing an aviator's cap commented to a similarly-dressed man next to him. "After all, she's full of hot air!"

"I've got a friend for you, my dear!" a woman with brown, curly hair dressed like a chef announced, stepping forward from the circle and tossing a sack of flour at Pinkie's hooves. "Not much personality, but I'm sure you can fill in the gaps!" the woman laughed.

Pinkie began to wilt under the constant barrage of burns, and she stuffed her front hooves into her ears to try and block out the noise. This act did little to stop the pounding of her head, however, and she began looking frantically around the circle, looking for somepony, anypony, who was a friendly face.

What she saw first, however, was a short man dressed in a French military uniform rushing towards her. "Sacrebleu!" the man shouted. "Finally, a pony to ride that is just my size!"

"EEYYAAHH!!!" Pinkie Pie was in no mood to be ridden, of course, and she sprinted in the opposite direction, pushing her way through the crowd and running towards the open space beyond.

Pinkie ran as far as she could, as fast as she could, for as long as she could, trying to put as much distance between herself and the snark and anger of the circle she had broken. Just as her stamina began to falter, however, something else began to appear at the edge of her vision, something that seemed slightly familiar. Pinkie squinted as she looked off into the distance. Was that...a pony she saw? Wait, was there more than one? While ponies could be just as cruel as their human counterparts, Pinkie was desperate by this point, and figured that anypony was better than the mob she was running from.

As she approached the group, Pinkie quickly confirmed that yes, they were ponies, and although they were nopony she had even seen before, something about them seemed...familiar. "Oh, wow, am I glad to see you gals!" Pinkie said, as she hurried over to the mysterious ponies. "You won't believe the day I've had..."

The pony standing at front of the pack, a pegasus with a blue mane and a pink coat just slightly darker than Pinkie's, stared awkwardly as Pinkie began recounting the tale of her entire day. As the story went on, a smirk formed on the blue-maned pony's face, which soon spread to a full smile, followed by a couple of repressed chuckles. Eventually, the nameless pony could not hold back any longer, and she too started to laugh.

Pinkie shot the other pony an annoyed look, a bit tired of people and ponies laughing at her expense. "What's so funny?" she demanded.

The other pink pony pointed a hoof at Pinkie. "You, of course!" she proclaimed. "I mean, seriously - pink on pink? What, were you designed for a four-year-old girl or something?"

A snow-white pegasus with poofy, yellow hair hovering over the other ponies because giggling as well. "And you're a boring earth pony too!" she pointed out. "Gosh, I'd hate to look like that and not have wings!"

The other ponies started to snicker at Pinkie's misfortune, which made Pinkie's mood fall even further. "Stop laughing at me!" she screamed, as her hair began to straighten and lose its volume. Looking through the other ponies, she spotted a yellow-coated earth pony that appeared to be the only one not laughing at her. Pushing her way through the others, Pinkie confronted the stone-faced yellow pony. "Well?" she inquired. "Aren't you going to laugh at me too?"

The yellow pony gave Pinkie a sympathetic stare, but the red glow in her eyes suggested something was afoot. "Why would we laugh at something so pathetic?" the pony asked, using the same voice that had spoken to Pinkie before her descent into this nightmare. "Why would we laugh at a clown that isn't funny?"

"I am not a clown!" Pinkie shouted.

"That is not what your 'friends' say," the yellow pony replied. "They believe you lack the seriousness to amount to anything in this world. In their minds, you are nothing more than a fool, a court jester who fiddles while the world burns."

"That's not true!" Pinkie countered, her anger rising.

"Come now," the yellow pony offered, "there is no cause for anger here." She stopped for a moment, and seemed to look past the irritated pink pony. "We believe that is your cue," she said. "Why not put on one last show for your fans?"

A sudden increase in the volume of the laughter around her caught Pinkie's attention, and she turned to find herself once again surrounded by her previous tormenters. As human and pony alike began laughing and heckling their target, Pinkie Pie's head began to spin. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" she screamed, looking towards the sky as if calling on a higher power for assistance.

No help came, however, and after thirty more torturous seconds, the overload of malice eventually overwhelmed Pinkie, and she collapsed upon the ground.

---

Back on Shao Kahn's island, the crowd had begun to boo the lack of action as Pinkie Pie and Ermac continued to stand in the ring, staring into each others' eyes. "We're fifteen minutes in, and still no signs of life from the competitors!" Joe narrated. "Hulk, have you ever seen a battle like this before?"

"Zzzzzzz..." Hulk snored his response.

From the edge of the ring, Twilight Sparkle heard somepony behind her calling her name, and turned to see that Rarity had finally arrived at the battle. "Good evening, darling!" Rarity greeted her friend. "Have I missed anything important?"

"Are you kidding?" Rainbow Dash replied, cutting off Twilight as she landed next to the two unicorns. "This is even more boring than when Twilight played hide-and-seek with that Liu Kang guy!" Rainbow looked out at Ermac and Pinkie with disdain. "Just do something already!" she commanded.

"I think he's using some sort of mental power," Twilight explained. "He's trying to attack Pinkie's mind."

"Really?" Rainbow burst out laughing at the idea. "That's like trying to beat you by challenging you to a trivia contest!" she cackled. "Talk about a death wish! Why would you ever try to get into Pinkie's head?" Rainbow Dash shook her head, and jumped back into the air. "We've got this one in the bag," she declared confidently.

On cue, Ermac abruptly snapped out of his trance, and looked around at the crowd as it aimed its vitriol, and the occasional piece of debris, at his head. "Wait...I think I see movement!" Joe told his audience. "Something might actually be happening..."

As Ermac made eye contact with Twilight, he smiled from behind his mask. My, my, he commented, it is awfully hard to find good friends these days.

"What did you do to Pinkie?" Twilight shouted, noting that the pink pony still seemed to be stuck in a daze.

She is finished, Ermac proclaimed, and let her fate be a warning for our dear Emperor Kahn. We are coming for him, and there is no one in either realm who can keep us from having our revenge.

As Ermac spoke, Pinkie Pie began to show a few signs of life herself. "Pinkie!" Twilight screamed, rushing over to her friend's side. "Are you alright? What happened?"

Pinkie Pie blinked a few times, gave Twilight a look of pure terror, then took a deep breath and began to exhale. As the crowd watched in shock, Pinkie's body began to deflate as she breathed out, and within seconds she resembled a popped balloon, lying flat and motionless on the ground.

"And that's the game!" the announcer declared. "This match is over! Ermac wins!"

The crowd really let Ermac have it now, raining oaths and curses on him and throwing trash, rocks, and even a few throwing stars in his direction. The ninja ignored what he could, sidestepped everything else, and calmly made his way out of the ring and into the night.

"Pinkie, speak to me!" Twilight pleaded, lifting up the pink pony's deflated head. "What happened?"

"Step aside, girlfriend!" Shing Tsung ordered, stepping out of the crowd and shoving Twilight out of the way. "The new headmaster of soul has a job to do!"

As Shing collected Pinkie's soul, an awkward silence settled over the crowd. "So...what do we do now?" one voice asked.

"We can't have a party without the Pinkster!" another voice observed. "It just wouldn't be the same!"

"I don't feel like partying anymore anyway..." a third person said.

With that, the crowd quietly dispersed, leaving Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash to stand vigil over their fallen friend. "So...it's just us three, then," Rarity finally spoke.

Rainbow Dash felt a lump growing in her throat, but quickly swallowed it down and gave her a resolute glare. "It doesn't matter," she concluded. "That dope's just one more head I'll have to smash on my way to winning this thing."

"No," Twilight replied. "You can't win this, Rarity can't win this, and I certainly can't win this...but we can." She extended her hoof to her friends. "We've got to stay strong and stick together," she advised, "no matter what happens in the future. Are you with me?"

Rarity and Rainbow exchanged a nod, and placed their hooves on top on Twilight's. "Let's do this," Rarity said, "for everypony."

---

Shao Kahn, meanwhile, discovered that not even Outworld emperors are immune to budget sequestration, and thus learned of Pinkie's defeat from CNN while sitting in a crowded airport gate in Chicago. "It's a pity, really," he commented to no one in particular. "I was starting to enjoy her all-night soirees." He looked back up at the monitor just as a picture of the three remaining ponies appeared. "So Chrysalis thinks Miss Sparkle is our biggest problem, eh?" he mused. "I think I know of a way to put her mind at ease." He smiled, secure in the knowledge that he was on the verge of finally conquering Earthrealm...and when he did, he would never have to deal with Raiden, Celestia, or connecting flights in O'Hare ever again.

Comments

[TundraStanza]

I didn't think anything could compete with the impossibilities of Pinkie's mind.
...
I guess if it had to be anyone, Ermac would be the one to accept the challenge.
Dang... that was just torture.

[SK Alex]

Ermac Wins!

[Linkonpark100]

Ermac is actually one of my favorite characters.

[Rainbooms]

NOOOOOO! Not Pinkie....

[SK Alex]

I hope to see Taven in this since he was in Armageddon and I assume this is taking place during Armageddon because of how there are a couple of new gen. characters.

[Discord Kantus]

Ermac, eh? Out of curiousity, do you know of Ermac's true origins?

[Green Akers]

2639074 Yes, but only because I read about it on the Mortal Kombat Wikia site. (That's why Noob Saibot calls Ermac 'Error Boy.')

[Discord Kantus]

2825134 What do you mean? What's wrong with it?

[PrincessoftheNight]

2824911 No, here's Rarity's theme:

[Miles Kay]

She is finished, Ermac proclaimed, and let her fate be a warning for our dear Emperor Kahn. "I" am coming for him, and there is no one in either realm who can keep "me" from having "my" revenge.

Rule #1. Ermac usually says it like "we," "us" and "our"
Rule #2. FUCK YEA ERMAC!