• Published 23rd Dec 2011
  • 5,729 Views, 271 Comments

Mortal Kombat: Equestria - Green Akers



Twilight and friends enter the latest MK tournament to save the Cutie Mark Crusaders from Shao Kahn.

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Hark! The Herald Angels...Shing?

The sight of blue helmets and black helicopters along the beaches of Kahn's island indicated that the Outworld emperor's prediction had come true. He did not, however, imagine the scope of the world's response: The helicopters were followed closely by Princess Celestia on her flying chariot, and Shining Armor's new incident response team included several Kombat veterans that Raiden had left off of his tournament roster.

Everyone and everypony gathered in Kahn's stargate room to figure out their next move. "We've got to get this thing open, pronto," Shining Armor declared as he paced around the gate. "For every minute we spend stuck here, Kahn gets further and further away."

Nightwolf, a warrior with long hair, war paint, and a feathered headband, stepped forward and placed his hand on Shining's shoulder. "Patience, captain," he counseled. "Shao Kahn is still bound by the rules of the tournament. He will be waiting for us—or rather, for your rainbow-haired friend—at his Outworld palace."

"Yeah, he just likes to mess with us." Kung Lao, a large man wearing a black vest and matching wide-brimmed hat, pulled out his phone. "Apparently everyone who actually knows the address for Outworld has already skipped town, and no one here will give up the password for the island wifi." He pointed towards a tall African-American man with bionic arms standing nearby. "It's a good thing Jax here had that access point installed during his last upgrade."

As Shining Armor's team scoured Google for the proper stargate address, Rainbow Dash sat and stewed on the far side of the room. "That lousy skull-faced cloudhugger," she fumed. "Turning tail and running away with my friends' souls...it's just not right! When I get my hooves on him, I'll stuff that spiky helmet of his—"

"While your passion is laudable," Princess Celestia interrupted as she walked over to Rainbow, "you cannot let your emotions cloud your judgment. You're not going to beat Kahn with physical strength alone."

"I'm not?" Rainbow arched an eyebrow at Celestia. "But isn't that, like, the whole point of this stupid tournament?"

Celestia threw a leg across Rainbow's shoulders. "You've got to be smarter than the average Outworld tyrant," she continued. "You have to find his weaknesses, and know how to exploit them." She winked at Rainbow. "And I just happen to have an idea of what his weakness is, and how we can use it."

"Really?" Rainbow Dash's ears perked up. "Do tell."

Celestia opened her mouth to speak, but her voice was drowned out by the sound of the stargate springing to life. "Got it!" Kung Lao shouted as a wormhole appeared inside the stargate ring.

"All right, everypony," Shining Armor said, "we're about to enter hostile territory, so stay in formation and stay alert! Kahn may have a welcoming party waiting for us when we arrive."

Rainbow Dash and Shining Armor's team fell into position behind the unicorn, and the entire crew crept cautiously towards the wormhole. "So, how does traveling through this thing work anyway?" Rainbow asked Kung Lao.

"No idea," Kung Lao admitted. "The stargate Wikipedia page said something about dissolving into atoms and getting reassembled at the other side, but really, what does that mean?"

Rainbow's eyes widened at the word 'dissolving.' "Yeah, uh, well, you guys can go first."

One by one, Shining Armor and his team disappeared into the ether of the wormhole. Finally, it was Rainbow's turn, and after taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she stepped through the opening.

The trip turned out to be anticlimactic, and in an instant Rainbow found herself standing beside Shining Armor's team in Outworld. Instead of being the awful land of death and decay she expected, however, Rainbow found Outworld to be kind of drab and boring. She and her companions were now standing in a large hallway lined with slime-green lockers, and the view from a nearby window appeared rather bright and cheerful. "This is Outworld?" Rainbow asked.

"No," Jax grumbled as he shot an annoyed look at Kung Lao. "This looks like a high school."

"Hey, you were were the one dialing the stargate!" Kung Lao snapped back. "You probably swapped two of the symbols."

Suddenly, a woman with blue skin and two-tone blue hair appeared from a nearby doorway. "What's going on here?" she called out towards the group. "Shouldn't you be in class right now? And what are you doing with those weapons and those miniature horses?"

"Please accept my apologies, ma'am," Shining Armor started to say. "There appears to have been—"

The woman's eyes widened. "The horse can talk?"

Jax slapped a hand over Shining's mouth. "Ixnay on the peakingsay!" he whispered to the unicorn. "Forgive us, ma'am—Kung Lao here likes to show off his ventriloquist technique. We're, uh, actually part of the theater group, and we're rehearsing our next play. It's called, uh..."

"The Road Of Destiny!" Kung Lao chimed in. "It's the gripping tale of a medieval prince's journey to find himself while traveling on the Crusades!"

The woman folded her arms and looked suspiciously at some of the soldiers in the group. "I don't believe they used automatic weapons during the Crusades."

"Well, if you people would stop cutting the drama club's budget," Kung Lao countered, "maybe we could get some more realistic props instead of having to make do with this leftover junk!" He pointed to the wormhole still open behind them. "Seriously, this backdrop doesn't even remotely resemble the Flemish highlands."

The woman sighed. "Very well. Carry on," she said as she walked back through the doorway.

"That was close," Shining Armor whispered. "Everypony, back through the wormhole! Next time, let's not mix up our address."


Meanwhile, back in Outworld, Shao Kahn sat down upon his throne, and smiled as two of his generic ninjas ran into the room and began fanning him with palm leaves. "I love the smell of hydrochloric acid in the morning!" he proclaimed. "Having an island paradise is all well and good, but coming home always puts an extra bounce in my step."

As she looked out upon the barren wasteland outside Kahn's castle, Chrysalis could only scowl. "Oh yes, I just love what you've done with the place," she muttered sarcastically.

Kahn rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. "Ah! Fran just texted me," he revealed. "She and Shing just made it to the castle gates. They'll be joining us shortly."

"I'll try to contain my excitement," Chrysalis grumbled as she continued staring out the window. "So what is your plan now, Kahn? Are we to while away the hours in this dump of a castle like sitting ducks?"

Kahn stood up from his throne and walked over to where Chrysalis stood. "My dear queen," he chuckled, "you really haven't learned anything at all, have you?" He patted her condescendingly on the head. "Once the tournament has begun, it cannot stop until an ultimate victor has been crowned, and no amount of running will stand in its way."

"Then why did we come here?" Chrysalis snapped. "What was the point?"

"The point was simply to reclaim the home-field advantage that I have rightfully earned," Kahn said. "They fight in my house now, and in my house, we play by my rules."

Suddenly, the door to Kahn's throne room burst open, and Fran and Shing Tsung rushed in. "This is just terrible!" Fran lamented. "I had seven meetings lined up for you today, and now I'm going to have to reschedule them all!"

"Don't bother," Kahn replied. "Once I win this tournament, everyone will have to bend their schedules to mine anyway."

"What are we gonna do?" Shing said nervously. "I mean, that rainbow pony looked really mad when ESPN interviewed her last night."

Shao Kahn motioned for the others to come closer. "Now, now," he said, "don't worry about a thing. I will take care of Miss Dash and her band of merry morons when they arrive."

"And what do we do in the meantime?" Chrysalis asked.

"Fran," Kahn said, "will run a crossing route to the guardhouse and prepare a welcome for our incoming guests, preferably something with flags and woodwind instruments. Chrysalis, obviously, will run a fly pattern to the front gates and keep watch for incoming pegasi. When anypony shows their snout, Chrysalis will provide a suitable greeting, cue the welcoming committee, and then scurry her little behind back up here. Shing will be our deep threat for today—I'd like him to prepare a little surprise to kick off our battle festivities. Understand?"

Fran, Shing, and Chrysalis exchanged glances, then all nodded in unison. "Very good," Kahn said. "Break!"

Fran and Chrysalis turned and made their way to the door. "So, uh, I mean, what sort of surprise do you want to give the pony?" Shing asked.

Kahn chuckled. "I'm afraid you misunderstood me," he replied. "The surprise I'm thinking of isn't for Miss Dash."


Back on Kahn's island, the dialing error turned out to be much more than a few flipped symbols, and it took Shining Armor's team another six tries before they finally connected to the right stargate. "Next time," Jax grumbled, "we call the operator before we start dialing this thing."

"Aw, stop complaining," Kung Lao said. "You got to see Arendelle Palace, didn't you?"

"What I got was probably frostbite," Jax groused.

Stepping through the wormhole one last time, the team finally found themselves staring at the decaying Outworld landscape. "Good grief!" Rainbow exclaimed as she covered her nose. "This place smells worse than Applejack's barn."

"This is the place," Nightwolf said, pointing to a castle off in the distance. "Kahn's fortress is but a short distance to the north."

"Then let's get going," Shining Armor ordered. "But stay together, and keep your eyes peeled for trouble!"

"This is Outworld?" Rainbow said in disbelief. "It's way more...purple than I expected."

The group made their way past several large pools of lava, through the ruins of what appeared to be an ancient city, and up a long hill to where the castle stood. Shining Armor used his magic to lift a pair of binoculars to his face. "I can see a single guard by the gates," he reported, "but nopony visible on the walls or in the towers. We'd better spread out and take cover—they might be preparing an ambush."

The single guard was actually Chrysalis disguised as one of Kahn's ninjas, and she was using her own set of binoculars to keep tabs on the approaching warriors. "What are they doing?" she wondered as the group split up and hid in nearby bushes. "Are we really going to have to wait for them to crawl their way up here like snails?"

After five minutes of darting, tumbling, and rolling between trees and shrubs, Shining Armor emerged from behind a large rock and walked up to the gate, leaving his fellow soldiers to wait for his signal. "Finally!" Chrysalis whispered in exasperation as the unicorn walked over. "Greetings!" she said in as deep a voice as she could muster. "Welcome to our humble palace. Emperor Kahn has been expecting you. Please, come with me."

Shining Armor stepped through the castle gates and observed the welcome Kahn had prepared. While the path to the castle entryway was clear, both sides of the path were lined with hundreds of Kahn's generic-looking ninjas, most of whom were waving signs, foam fingers, and oversized headshots of Shao Kahn and some of his warriors. As soon as the crowd saw Shining Armor, they began showering him with boos, insults, and requests to perform anatomically-impossible acts, and a marching band in the back of the crowd began playing an appropriately-generic fight song.

Shining Armor was taken aback by the strange scene, and he turned back to the rest of his team. "Stay back!" he yelled. "I'm not sure if these guys mean business, or whether they're just here to intimidate us."

"You call that intimidating?" Kung Lao replied. "This is nothing! I've seen nastier crowds at college football games. Let's go!"

The group hustled towards the castle gates and followed Chrysalis through the mob and into the castle entryway, where Shing Tsung was waiting for them. "Be a good sorcerer and entertain our guests whilst I tell Kahn that they have arrived," Chrysalis said as she continued walking to the next doorway.

Shing nodded, but couldn't hide the sweat dripping from his brow or the nervous look on his face. As Chrysalis approached the far doors of the room, Shing scurried back behind Shining Armor's team. "I'm, uh, just gonna hang out over here with you guys," he mumbled meekly. "I mean, if that's okay with you."

Chrysalis reached for the door handle, but quickly discovered that it wouldn't turn. "What in the—why is this door locked?" she demanded. "Shing, get over here and unlock this stupid thing!"

"I didn't lock it!" Shing insisted. "Someone must have locked it from inside."

"Of all the idiotic things..." Chrysalis started banging on the door as hard as she could. "Hey! Let me in! We've got company!"

As Chrysalis raised a fuss, Shing Tsung slowly reached for something in his pocket, but Jax grabbed Shing's hand before he could pull it out. "What are you trying to pull?" Jax said.

"It's just a piece of paper, I swear!" Shing replied. "I mean, see for yourself!"

Jax pulled Shing's hand out of his pocket and took the paper from his hand. "Well, well," Jax said as he looked over the paper. "Looks like Kahn wanted to start the party a little early."

"What are you talking about?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Jax cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen, and ponies of all sorts," he read, "this pre-final Mortal Kombat matchup is hereby called to order!"

"What?" Chrysalis turned and faced the group. "What are you going on about?"

"In this corner," Jax continued, "the winner of the Mortal Kombat tournament, and the only creature to triumph while sporting Technicolor hair—"

"We don't need the fluff," Kung Lao interrupted. "Kahn's calling for a battle, so just tell us who the pony's fighting."

Rainbow Dash scowled at Shing. "I hope it's you," she snarled. "You've got a few souls I'd like to repossess."

"Actually, according to this," Jax revealed, "your buddy Chrysalis is on the undercard. Of course, if our friend here was about to make this announcement..."

Chrysalis's face flushed with anger, and she dispatched her disguise to show her true form. "This... This wasn't a mistake at all!" She pointed a hoof at Shing, who shrunk behind Jax. "You planned this the entire time, didn't you? You and that double-crossing fool Kahn!"

Chrysalis lunged in Shing's direction in a fit of rage, but Nightwolf stepped up to block her path. "The rules of Mortal Kombat are clear," he said. "Your fight is with the pony, not the sorcerer."

"Grrr..." Chrysalis glared at Nightwolf, then at Shing, and finally at Rainbow Dash. "Fine!" she finally declared. "I will fight Celestia's so-called champion! I'll fight you all if I have to!"

"I guess that means she's ready," Jax concluded. He looked over at Rainbow Dash. "You good?"

"Darn right," Rainbow replied.

"Then I guess the rest of us had better step back." Jax motioned to the other warriors, and they began lining up along the wall, leaving Rainbow and Chrysalis alone in the middle of the room. "You know the drill. FIGHT!"

Chrysalis smiled smugly at Rainbow Dash. "You've done an awfully good job of defeating Kahn's imbeciles," she said, "but I'm sure we can find a suitable opponent to challenge you."

Rainbow crouched down and pawed the ground like an angry bull. "Do you worst."

"Try this on for size." In a flash of green light, Chrysalis transformed herself into a yellow pony with fiery orange hair and a dark-blue officer's uniform. "What now, Rainbow?" she asked. "Do you think you could stand against one of your heroes?"

"Spitfire?" Rainbow's eyes widened at the sight, and she took a few steps back.

"Impressive, no?" Chrysalis said, perfectly imitating Spitfire's voice. "You see, fighting isn't just about physical strength—it's about having the right game plan for your opponent." She slowly sauntered over to Rainbow. "Anypony can defeat an enemy, but it can be awfully tough to raise a hoof against somepony you respect and admire."

"Don't listen to her!" Shining Armor shouted from the sidelines. "She's still Chrysalis underneath that disguise! You've got to fight back!"

"Yeah, what he said!" Kung Lao said. "You can do this!"

"Can you?" 'Spitfire' chuckled as she moved in on Rainbow Dash. "You, who have worshipped the not-so-wonderful bolts since you were a filly? You, who have personally gotten to know Spitfire and her ilk as friends?" She stopped and smiled as Rainbow Dash cowered before her, and then raised a hoof to strike. "I don't think so."

POW! Before Chrysalis could react, Rainbow suddenly leaped forward and landed a hard right hook to Chrysalis's face, sending the changeling sprawling to the floor. "Ow!" Chrysalis scowled and rubbed her sore cheek. "Why you—"

In a flash, Rainbow was nose-to-nose with her opponent. "Listen, you!" Rainbow shouted. "I've been trying to get into the Wonderbolts since I was ten!" She threw another punch that sent 'Spitfire' tumbling. "I've beat the baddest of baddies, I've won the raciest of races, and I've passed the testiest of tests! And yet you still don't think I'm qualified to join your little club!" Another haymaker sent Chrysalis bouncing off the far wall. "You even made me a wingpony to that numbskull Lightning Dust!" Rainbow continued, her rage building with every syllable. "I think it's time me and my hooves showed you just how qualified I really am!"

"That's the spirit!" Shining Armor cheered as Rainbow continued knocking Chrysalis around the room. "Let it all out! Don't hold back!"

Chrysalis quickly tired of having her face take the brunt of Rainbow's Wonderbolt frustrations, and she decided that a new plan was in order. In a flash of green, the changeling suddenly morphed into a tall, white-coated alicorn with a sparkling, multicolored mane. "Behold!" Chrysalis proclaimed. "It is I, Princess Celestia, the fair ruler of Equestria, here to—"

BOOM! Chrysalis's monologue did nothing but leave an opening for Rainbow to land a powerful buck underneath Chrysalis's chin. "I've got a bone to pick with you, too!" Rainbow said. "How come you always make us deal with the bad guys that want to destroy Equestria? I mean, you can raise the sun and banish ponies to the moon, and yet you didn't even bother to come with us to Outworld!" She unleashed another buck that bounced 'Celestia' off the ceiling. "What, are you too busy entertaining guests and eating cake to do your own dirty work?"

"Where in the name of Metta World Peace did all these anger issues come from?" Chrysalis asked just before she took another uppercut that sent her flying against the wall. She tried another transformation and morphed into a Fluttershy lookalike. "You wouldn't hurt poor, innocent Fluttershy, would you?"

Rainbow Dash answered Chrysalis with a vicious three-hit combo followed by a fierce uppercut. "Call me the biggest fraud in Equestria, will you?" Rainbow seethed. "Come here and let me show you how much of a poser I am!"

The onslaught began taking its toll on Chrysalis, and she started cycling through transformations, desperately trying to find somepony, anypony, that would pacify her opponent. Instead, every transformation just seemed to make Rainbow more angry. "Octavia? You play the lamest music in the whole world!" Rainbow screamed. "Palette Swap? You draw my mouth too big every freaking time you sketch me! Cloud Kicker? I'll show you who's the real winningest pony around here!"

Chrysalis went through every disguise she could think of: Mother Teresa, Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Taylor Swift... In the end, it was all in vain, as Rainbow Dash appeared to have a beef with every creature in the universe. "You invented impossible math!" Rainbow raged. "You brought mullets back into style! You ruined my fantasy hoofball season! You voted for Obamacare!"

Finally, Chrysalis could take no more. "No más, no más!" she shouted, collapsing to the ground. "I... I can't fight you anymore."

Rainbow remained tense for a moment, wary of a ruse, but relaxed after it was clear Chrysalis was not making any attempt to stand back up. "Good," Rainbow said as she turned to face Shing. "You can take it from here."

Shing gulped, and he moved cautiously towards Chrysalis. "This was all Kahn's idea, I swear," he insisted. "I mean, I was just supposed to—"

"Forget it." Chrysalis sighed, and a single tear ran down her face. "Miss Dash is more than capable of giving that fool Kahn the smackdown he deserves."

Rainbow glared at Shing as he removed Chrysalis's soul. "We're not finished here yet," she declared. "I see one last loser I need to smite."

"And it looks like Kahn was thinking the same thing." Jax said as he looked back at Shing's note. "I hope you learned some kung fu from your uncle, Shing, 'cause guess who's next on the battle list?"

"WHAT?!" Shing snatched the note back from Jax. His eyes widened as he read his name on the very last line. "Uh oh... This is bad..."

Rainbow smiled evilly, and started stomping towards Shing. "I'm gonna enjoy this."

"Now, wait a second!" Shing pleaded, as he backed up against the wall. "I can't fight in Mortal Kombat! I mean, I don't know any martial arts at all! I'm not even officially Kahn's employee—I'm just a consultant! I don't even like Kahn! I mean, I totally sympathize with you guys!"

"Shut up and die!" Rainbow lunged at Shing.

"AAAHHH!!!" Shing screamed, waving his arms frantically in a pathetic attempt to defend himself. For the first time in his life, however, Shing caught a break: As Rainbow's hooves reached his throat, one of Shing's stray swings struck the pegasus square on the side of her head, sending her crashing to the floor.

A hush fell over the room as Rainbow laid motionless on the ground. "Come on, Rainbow!" Shining Armor shouted. "Get up!"

Shing took the opportunity to dash over to the opposite side of the room. "She attacked me first! You all saw that!" he said. "I mean, that was 100% self-defense!"

Shining Armor rushed over to Rainbow Dash, picked up one of her hooves, and then let it go. A look of horror crossed his face as the hoof fell limply back to the floor. "Oh no... She's... She's..."

"Wait, she's out?!" Shing gasped. "For real?" He stared at Rainbow Dash's fallen form for a moment, and then looked down at his hands. "Did I do that?"

Nightwolf bowed his head. "The battle is over," he proclaimed. "Shing Tsung wins."

"Lucky shot," Kung Lao grumbled.

"I won?" Shing's confusion and disbelief began melting away as the realization hit him. "I mean, I won! I won! I really won!" A huge smile appeared on his face, and he begun jumping up and down, waving his arms around like a madman. "i won my first ever fight, and I totally knocked out a horse!" He turned towards one of the room's stained glass windows, and smiled at his reflection. "Who's the toughest hombre in this tournament?" He flexed his spaghetti-thin arms. "This guy! Right here! Shing the Destroyer!"

Jax couldn't help but roll his eyes. "What a loser."

Shing ignored Jax, and uncorked his most evil-sounding laugh. "Wait 'til those jerks back at school hear about this! I mean, from now on, I'm the one giving the swirlies!" He walked back over to Rainbow Dash with a renewed confidence, and shoved Shining Armor out of the way. "Move it or lose it, pal! Shing the Destroyer has a soul to take!"

Shining Armor and his team stood by nervously as Shing completed his dirty deed. "So, uh, what do we do now, boss?" Kung Lao asked.

Shining Armor was silent as he watched Shing dance awkwardly around the room. "Pray," he finally said. "Pray really hard."

Author's Note:

THE END?

Not even close.

The white flag is in the air! Hold on to your hats, folks—we've got (at least) one more chapter to go!