Mortal Kombat: Equestria

by Green Akers

Dressed To Kill

"It's not fair!" Sonya pouted, kicking up an imaginary cloud of dust with her foot (as kicking up the real thing was hard to do indoors). "It's just not fair!"

"Chill out, will ya?" Johnny Cage implored his friend. "So you get to mix it up with Mileena in the first round this time - what's the big deal?"

"But I don't want to fight Mileena!" Sonya insisted. "I want to fight Kano! I always fight Kano! I'm not finished with that turd-eater yet!"

"Okay, yes, crushing Kano's skull is a lot more satisfying than beating most villains," Johnny admitted. "But you can't just fall all to pieces just because you didn't get the fight your arch-nemesis like you wanted! That would be like me throwing a hissy fit just because I didn't get the lead role in Mission: Impossible!"

"Except you did throw a hissy fit," Sonya reminded Johnny. "You carried around a Tom Cruise voodoo doll for, like, a year."

"...Okay, bad example," Johnny agreed. "But still, you see my point, right?"

Sonya sighed. "I guess..." she muttered. "But that dolt had better last long enough for me to use his face as a punching bag."

"He won't lose in the first round, that's for sure," Johnny noted, looking up at the half-filled tournament bracket hanging on a nearby wall. "He's fighting one of those stupid ponies."

"Really?" Sonya's face brightened a little. "How can you tell?"

Johnny pointed to the name written next to Kano's. "What human in their right mind would name their kid 'Rarity'?"

---

After dropping Fluttershy off back at their hut to look after a still-dazed Rainbow Dash, the five remaining friends headed over to the battle ring by the main building, where Twilight had beaten Goro the night before. "Are you sure you're up for this?" Twilight asked Rarity. "You don't look so good."

"I am...just fine, thank you very much," Rarity declared, wiping a tear from her eye as she said so.

"What is it, my dear?" Spike inquired, taking Rarity by the hoof and gazing into her eyes. "Is it the lousy accommodations? The utter lack of indoor plumbing? The indignity of having to sleep on a stone slab?"

"It's not that," Rarity insisted. "It's just..."

"Are you bemoaning the fate of your dear sister?" Spike went on. "Worry not, milady - we shall bring her back, and bring justice to the curs who have done this."

"I know, but...it's not just that," Rarity admitted. "It's...it's..."

"What?" Twilight probed. "What is it?"

Applejack sighed. "It's your hat, isn't it?" she suggested.

Rarity wheeled on Applejack. "How dare you speak of my chapeau in such a tone!" she accosted. "That was not just a hat - it was an accessory of extreme elegance, one that screamed 'style' wherever it went!" She hung her head and sighed. "It will take me months to replace it," she moaned. "Do you know how hard it is to find quality peacock feathers in Ponyville? I'll have to special order them from Canterlot! And don't even get me started on the daisy petals..."

Applejack shook her head. "Look, sugar cube," she began, "I know that ha...er, chapeau...meant a lot to you and all, but you've got to pull yourself together. Your sister - and mine - are counting on you."

"I know, I know!" Rarity took a deep breath and tried to focus on the task at hand. "Get a hold of yourself, Rarity," she dictated to herself. "You've dealt with stuffy fashion critics before, and you can deal with this. The only difference is that those critics were trying to kill your fashion career, while whoever you're fighting is only trying to kill you. As un-ladylike as it seems, you have to show this ruffian that you're the bigger pony here."

Applejack and Twilight exchanged nervous glances. "This ain't gonna end well, is it?" Applejack asked rhetorically.

---

A crowd had already gathered at the battle site by the time the ponies arrived. "Looks like it's showtime," Twilight observed, turning to Rarity. "Are you ready for this?"

"Yes," Rarity stated firmly. "For my sister...I will fight."

From a distance, Sonya observed the scene with disgust as the ponies approached the ring. "It'd be just like that dork Kano to go and lose to a horse and deny me a shot a rearranging his face," she muttered to herself.

Kano, for his part, already stood at one end of the circle. "'Bout time you showed up," he taunted the Equestrian contingent. "Which one'a you ditzy mares gets put down first, eh?"

Rarity scowled at Kano. "Responding to such horrid discourse is beneath me," she proclaimed, stepping into the circle.

"Your attention please!" the referee called, raising his hands to call for quiet. "This match is about to begin! In this corner..." He gestured towards Rarity, "the seamstress, designer, and sole proprietor of Carousel Boutique...Ms. Rarity! And in this corner..." The referee turned and pointed at Kano, "the leader of the Black Dragon international crime cartel...Kano!"

"You forgot 'irresistible piece'a man candy'!" Kano said with an evil laugh. "What do you think, pony? You think I'm quite'a hunk, don't ya?"

"Let me see...how do I put this delicately..." Rarity paused for a moment as she searched for the right words. "You look like a Diamond Dog that caught its face in a mousetrap and got run over by a garbage truck."

"Oh yeah?" Kano shot back. "We'll see 'ow tough you really are in the ring, then!"

"Combatants ready?" the referee asked.

"Let's get this party started!" Kano shouted.

"If we must," Rarity said with a sigh.

"Very well," the referee declared. "FIGHT!"

"All right, pony," Kano snarled, "dance!" As he spoke, a red laser shot out from his robotic eye.

"Yah!" Rarity jumped out of the way of the laser shot. "I beg your pardon!" she shouted back at Kano. "I believe the purpose of this match is to fight, not...gah!" Rarity jumped back to avoid another laser shot.

"Hah!" Kano laughed. "Dame's pretty light on 'er feet, for'a horse!" This comment drew a few laughs from those in attendance.

"Aah! Ooh! Eek! Yah!" Rarity screamed as she dodged laser after laser. "Be careful with that thing!" she demanded. "You'll put somepony's eye out!"

"I don't see why that'sa problem," Kano replied with a laugh. "I mean, look at me - I'm just fine n' dandy, and I've been working off'a one eye for years!"

"Fine then!" Rarity huffed. "If you won't listen to reason..." She worked her way back to the edge of the circle while continuing to evade Kano's lasers. "Twilight, darling," she requested, "be a dear and go get my makeup kit from our hut, will you?"

"Your...makeup kit?" Twilight was perplexed. "What good will that do you?"

"Gah!" Rarity stepped out of the way of another laser. "Just do it, will you?" she shouted.

"Alright, alright!" Twilight turned and took off for their stone hut. "Hold on - I'll be back in a jiffy!"

"Make it half a jiffy!" Rarity implored, sidestepping another Kano laser.

Kano, meanwhile, stifled a yawn in between laser shots. "I 'aven't even broken a sweat yet!" he commented. "All that jumpin' around must get tirin' after a while, eh? Face it, pony - you can't dodge me forever!"

"True," Rarity noted, "but perhaps I don't have to." Glancing over to her right, Rarity noticed a large rock laying nearby - the same rock Twilight had squashed Goro with earlier. Hoping she had enough time between lasers, she quickly dodged Kano's next shot and focused her magic on the boulder, hoisting it into the air.

The rising rock quickly got Kano's attention. "Oh no you don't!" he declared, ceasing his laser fire. "I ain't fallin' for the ol' rock on the noggin trick like that fool Goro!"

"Why, Mr. Kano!" Rarity answered with mock indignation. "What kind of brute to you take me for?" As Kano watched with his guard up, Rarity brought the boulder into the ring and set it down gently between herself and her attacker. "This rock is for me, not you," she explained.

"So that's your game, is it?" Kano challenged, quickly moving around the circle to circumvent the rock and get a clear shot.

Rarity, however, mirrored Kano's movements perfectly, circling the rock to stay hidden behind it. "My, my," she taunted, "it seems we are as stupid as we look, aren't we?"

"We'll just see who's the bright one around here!" Kano shot back, faking a step one way and quickly going back the other way (though not fooling Rarity at all).

The complex rock-circling dance went on for several minutes, with Rarity continually remaining one step ahead of Kano. Finally, Sonya could take no more of Rarity's stalling. "I've seen enough," she decided, turning to leave.

At that moment, however, Twilight reappeared from the trees, carrying Rarity's makeup bag in her mouth. "I goh eh!" she proclaimed, spitting the bag onto the ground.

"It's about time," Rarity remarked, using her magic to bring the bag over to her. "It's terribly rude to keep a lady waiting, you know."

Stopping to retrieve her bag, however, meant Rarity was no longer keeping pace with Kano. "Ah ha!" Kano shouted as he came to face Rarity once more. "Prepare to meet you maker, pony!"

Just before Kano fired, however, Rarity used her magic to pull a compact out of her makeup bag, then turned to face her attacker while holding the compact in front of her face. "Smile!" she sang out, opening the compact to reveal a small mirror inside.

Rarity's plan worked to perfection, as Kano's laser shot struck the compact mirror and ricocheted right back towards him, striking him in the chest and sending him flying a good fifty feet through the air. His accompanying scream was loud enough to make Sonya, who had not yet made it out of sight, to turn back and see Kano clear the crowd at the edge of the ring and land hard on his back. "No freakin' way..." she muttered under her breath.

Rarity put the compact back into her makeup bag and trotted over to where Kano lay sprawled out on the ground. "You see?" she proclaimed, turning back to face the crowd. "Just because I'm a lady does not mean I can't handle myself in such a sticky situation."

"Wow!" Spike shouted, rushing over to where Rarity stood. "That was amazing! You beat him with his own move!"

The nearby crowd murmured in agreement.

Suddenly, Kano sprang to his feet with a newfound energy, eliciting a loud gasp from the crowd. "Alrighty then!" he declared, drawing a knife from his belt. "You wanna do this the ol'-fashioned way, we'll do this the ol'-fashioned way!"

"Spike, look out!" Rarity dove to knock Spike out of the way just as Kano took a swipe at the pair with his knife.

The sound of the knife slashing through horsehair echoed throughout the clearing, drawing a second collective gasp from the crowd. Fearing the worst, Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie fought their way through the crowd to see the carnage for themselves. "Oh no!" Twilight cried out. "Rarity!"

But it was true: Lying motionless on the ground, for all the world to see...was Rarity's tail.

"AIEEEEE!" Rarity screamed, as she looked back at the three-inch stub of hair she had left. "My tail!" she whined. "My beautiful, beautiful, tail! It's...it's ruined!"

Kano raised his knife once more. "Next time," he threatened, "it'll be more than just your puny tail."

Rarity turned back to face Kano, as her face turned red and steam started shooting out of her ears. "It...is...ON!!!" she proclaimed. "You, sir, are in for a world of pain like you have never experienced before!"

"Oh, I'm so scared," Kano taunted. "Better get your kicks in now, missy, cause I'm about to..."

POW! Rarity unloaded on Kano with a roundhouse kick to the face that would have made Chuck Norris proud, sending Kano sprawling to the dirt once more. "What...the..." Kano moaned, picking his head up off the ground.

"YAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Rarity let loose with a primal scream, as she leaped into the air and executed a textbook corkscrew elbow drop on her fallen foe. "Take this! And that! And this!" she shouted, pummeling Kano with a flurry of blows.

Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Spike - heck, everyone in attendance, including the referee - stood dumbfounded as Rarity unleashed her fury on Kano. "Golly!" Applejack commented. "I didn't think Rarity had it in her to take somepony on like that!"

"Is this...is this really happening?" Twilight wondered. "I don't believe this! I must be dreaming - quick, Applejack, pinch me!"

Applejack gave Twilight a strange look. "Uh...Twilight?" she pointed out. "We have hooves, not hands."

"Oh...right," Twilight acknowledged.

Meanwhile, Rarity continued toying with her opponent, allowing Kano to get back to his feet, but then using her magic to manipulate Kano's arms into punching his own face. "Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself," she teased.

"No...fair!" Kano objected in between punches. "You...blasted...witch!"

Finally, after a bit more scuffling, Rarity managed to entrap Kano in a suffocating headlock. "Oh...okay! I give! Uncle! Uncle!" Kano pleaded.

Rarity tightened her headlock a little. "What's the magic word?" she asked.

"PLEASE!" Kano insisted. "PLEASE stop!"

Rarity sighed. "Very well then," she declared, dropping Kano to the ground, where he lay for a moment trying to catch his breath. "I believe it's in your hands now," she informed the referee.

"Er...right! Of course!" The referee agreed, snapping back to his senses. "The match is over! Rarity wins!"

"All right!" Spike cried, wrapping Rarity in a hug. "That was awesome! You..."

"Just a minute, please!" Rarity interrupted, pulling out of Spike's embrace and walking over to where the remains of her tail lay on the ground. Focusing her magic once more, she lifted her tail off the ground, shook off the dirt, and reattached the hairs in their proper place. "There!" she announced. "Now then...what was that you were saying, Spike?"

"Ms. Rarity!" a reporter called out, pushing through the crowd. "That was an impressive victory today! May we get a quote from you about your battle strategy?"

"In a moment!" Rarity answered, picking up her makeup bag."I simply cannot address the media while looking like an unwashed street brawler!" she announced, taking out a brush and combing her mane back into place.

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Same old Rarity," she proclaimed.

Meanwhile, a short robed figure emerged from the crowd and made his way over to where Kano lay. "C'mon, mate," Kano implored, "you don't...have...to do this, do ya?"

"I kind of wish I didn't," the robed figure replied, holding his hand over Kano. "I mean, sure, your soul is mine and all, but I'm not sure I actually want it. I mean, you lost to the fashionista pony."

Twilight looked back as the robed figure began removing Kano's soul. "Who's that?" she asked the referee.

"That's Shing Tsung," the referee replied. "He's Shang Tsung's nephew. Kahn put him on the payroll to help with the soul-collecting duties. After all, we've got seven other matches going on right now - Shang can't be everywhere."

"Of...course," Twilight agreed, shuddering a bit at the scene.

"All right! Out of the way! Coming through!" Sonya managed to push her way though the crowd. "Oh, for crying out loud!" she whined, walking over to Shing. "You mean you've taken his soul already?"

"Well, I mean, that is my job," Shing responded.

"Argh!" Sonya stomped her feet in disgust. "It's just not fair! That louse probably tanked the fight just so he could get out of our traditional rematch!" She glared over at Rarity. "You stupid ponies!" she shouted. "You just took away the only fun part about this mission! Well, Liu Kang might think you're decent and all that, but I certainly don't!" With that, she stormed off into the forest.

Twilight looked over at Pinkie Pie. "That was...random..." she offered.

"No," Pinkie Pie declared, "this is random!" She pulled a cake out from behind her back. "Free cake for everypony!" she announced.

"Cool!" "Sweet!" "Don't mind if I do!" The remaining crowd members gathered around Pinkie Pie to get a slice of cake.

Looking down at Kano, then over at Pinkie Pie, Shing Tsung shrugged. "Why not?" he decided. "I mean, it's not like there are any other perks to this dumb job..."

Comments

[Blue Breeze]

this story gets me pumped and makes me laugh all at once good job

[NecromancerX69]

img.ponibooru.org/images/d7/d729a6b4b8627889c8e7c28c54e309b9
please keep up the good work my good sir

[Ice]

I'm waiting to rage at sub zero's death

[Primordial Deomontus]

This is epic i love this so much

[SterlingLionheart]

CANT BREATH TOO MUCH LULZ

[Angelpony723]

Dat Rarity I almost saw that comming when I researched on Kano before I read this So worth it. Keep it up.

[fluttershyfan3030]

I sense a Soyna Blade vs Rarity matchup in the future

[predatornc]

one of the mane 6 is going to lose eventually