A Cozy Tale

by Leondude

Chapter 9 - A little talk

Brocade stared at the beast before her, not falling for his affable demeanour and ridiculous outfit. In a panic, she levitated the now inanimate mop towards her and pointed it at Discord as if it was a spear. Discord looked at Brocade with a confused look before having a literal lightbulb moment.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Discord said while chuckling "I'm reformed."

"Huh?" Brocade titled her head.

"You'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways," Discord replied "Repented, seen the light, and made a switch. Though, you'd think by now that Celestia would have made a big announcement or something so that everypony I meet doesn't treat me like public enemy number one."

"And why should I believe you?" Brocade asked.

"I cleaned your house for free," Discord replied in his usual jovial manner "How many lords of chaos do you know are willing to show up in a Prench maid outfit and do some housework? After all, you did say you wanted a maid."

Discord leaned closer towards Brocade's ear.

"And it's part of my community service after an incident with the Everfree Forest," he whispered.

Brocade just looked at Discord with an even more confused look.

"So, let me get this straight," Brocade said in an attempt to comprehend her situation "The princesses sentenced you to community service."

"Mmm-hmm," Discord nodded.

"Even though you could brainwash them like you did to my husband?"

"Well, I know I could remove their tails and give them back like any other...Hang on."

Discord leaned down and eyed at the unconscious Shining Facade. He lifted Facade's head up and inspected it, along with lifting up and eyelid and looking at one of Facade's scarlet eyes.

"That's odd," Discord said "I don't think I ever met this pony before in my life."

"I wouldn't be surprised if you don't remember him," Brocade said with a hint of anger in her voice "Why would an immortal, nigh-omnipotent tyrant think anything of making a pony murder their entire family."

Discord turned around and looked at Brocade with confusion and offence in equal measure.

"Why would I make a pony do that?," Discord asked "I never liked killing anything so why would I force anypony to do that?"

"Because that's the kind of thing bad guys do," Brocade replied.

"I suppose that's kind of true," Discord said "but I'm the Spirit of Chaos, not the Spirit of Malice."

Discord glared at the still unconscious Shining Facade.

"I suppose I'll have a word with your husband when he wakes up."

---

Facade slowly and rather groggily woke up, his head pounding from the booze and where his wife hit him. From what his blurred vision could gather, he had woken up in the middle of a forest. As if his morning couldn't get any weirder than usual, he heard a klaxon blaring in his ear.

"Good mooooorning!" a voice loudly announced in his ear.

Facade shot up and looked at the source of the commotion. His vision clearing up, he could see that it was none other than Discord. Not one for being scared of anything, Facade just gave an unamused look at the draconequus.

"Aren't you supposed to be imprisoned?" Facade nonchalantly asked.

"I was but then I swore to use my magic for good instead of evil," Discord replied "For the most part."

Facade just shrugged "Fair enough. Best to be in the princesses' good books anyway."

"Actually, it's because I discovered the magic of friendship."

"What?" Facade gave Discord an odd look.

"I had acquaintances in the past but never any actual friends. I thought I had one in another free spirit like moi but I'd rather not get into that," Discord said in his usual jovial tone "Oh, that reminds me!"

Discord invaded Facade's personal space and got his face all up in his face "Would you please explain to me why your wife thinks I made you try to kill her?"

"You drove a lot of ponies insane," Facade replied "Thought I might look the part so I could get off on an insanity plea when they see the hacked-up bodies of my wife and child. But instead, I get acquitted for attempted murder. How annoying is that?"

Discord looked at Facade in surprise and a little bit of disgust. How is it that a pony could casually talk about attempting to murder their own family as if they were talking about their burnt turkey? Not that ponies ate turkey anyway.

"You tried to kill your own family and blame it on me?" Discord asked, his tone sounding slightly more antagonistic.

"Pretty much," Facade calmly replied "It's not like I killed anypony before so the judge and jury are more willing to believe me when I said you brainwashed me. I also threw in an illusion spell to look like the other crazed ponies in case of any witnesses."

Glaring at Facade, almost seething with contempt, Discord slowly raised his arms and began to clap.

"Good plan," Discord said "But you left out a few little details."

"And what would they be?" Facade asked.

"Even when I was doing the whole 'Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony' thing, with heavy emphasis on 'Disharmony'," Discord replied "There were and still are two things I would never do. One is killing somepony, the other is turning them into stone."

Facade tilted his head in confusion "You had the power to do whatever you want but you drew the line at killing ponies and turning them into stone? Why?"

"I don't know," Discord replied "Even for me, it just felt wrong."

"Meh, you do you," Facade said while trotting away "As for me, I'm gonna go home to get my stuff then get to work."

Before Facade could go any further, a massive stop sign appeared right in front of him.

"Ah ah ah," Discord said jovially "I haven't finished yet. You have to promise me not to murder your family and to treat them nicely."

"And what if I don't?" Facade asked.

"If you don't, then you won't mind if the princesses are in on your little secret," Discord replied as he pulled out a tape recorder. He pressed play and it played Facade confessing to his faking insanity, which annoyed Facade to no end.

"Deal?" Discord asked.

"Deal," Facade replied bitterly.

"Good. But if you think about breaking our little deal, just remember..."

Discord pulled his own eyes out of their sockets and moved them extremely close to Facade's face.

"I'm watching you."

Author's Note:

If anyone's wondering why Discord is going out of his way help Brocade out and give Facade a good talking to, that's because he knows what it's like to be in a relationship that turns abusive. And if any of you are wondering what I'm on about, just look up the Cosmos arc from the comics.

BTW, when Facade said he never killed anypony before, he's lying.

Comments

[FanficReader920]

The fact that Discord indirectly stood up for Cozy Glow, but couldn’t stop what she would become is simultaneously awesome, sad, and slightly annoying all at once.