A Cozy Tale

by Leondude

Chapter 25 - Please Kill Mr. Facade

The chains between Facade's hooves rattled as he was dragged into the courtroom. Luckily for him, his trial was held in the courthouse of Manehatten instead of the place where he helped in convicting Discord. And he was thankful that Celestia herself didn't show up to look over the proceedings. Even with all the good he did in his life, including funding the mayor of Manehatten's campaign, he just knew Celestia would have been far from merciful to him.

"Shining Facade," the judge announced, "You stand here accused of twenty-eight accounts of murder in the first degree, several accounts of child endangerment, and at least one account of fraud. How do you plea?"

Facade's eyes widened slightly. He knew he was in trouble for all the ponies he killed but it never occurred to him that he would be in even more trouble just for beating up his daughter whenever the mood struck. He simply thought it was something that was taboo, not illegal. From the corner of his eye, he saw a certain draconequus sitting with the jury, eating a bag of popcorn. With a smug grin, Discord gave a small wave to the chained-up Facade. Clearly, Facade knew that Discord remembered the role he played when the draconequus was put on trial for being Tirek's accomplice.

"Not guilty," Facade calmly replied.

There were murmurs among the courtroom. Despite the amount of evidence against him, he was mildly surprised by how much his image has changed. Enough that ponies actually doubt him when he says he's innocent.

The judge banged his gavel, "Order in the court."

"Are you going for the insanity defence?" Ward whispered.

"Worked for me when Discord first escaped," Facade quietly replied.

"I hope you know what you're doing," Ward whispered, "I'm putting my reputation on the line for you."

Facade looked at his lawyer incredulously, "Your reputation? What about mine?"

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you-," Ward whispered before being interrupted by the judge's gavel banging once again.

"Is there something you and your attorney would like to share, Mr. Facade?" the judge asked.

"Nothing, your honour," Facade replied.

---

Facade sat in the holding cell he was incarcerated in until the trial could continue. While this wasn't the first time he was stuck in a cell with nothing to do but wait until he was acquitted, he felt absolutely bored. With nothing else to occupy him, he couldn't help but wonder if he might actually get out of this one. Theoretically speaking, he could were it not for the magic-dampening ring around his horn and were it not for him being disallowed from posting bail. In fact, not even his own poker buddies were willing to bail his flank out for him. He then wondered to himself, if he did get acquitted, what should he tell them to convince them he didn't do all the things he did.

Suddenly, his train of thought was interrupted by a small explosion from the back wall of his cell. From the resulting hole, a tiny pegasus filly fluttered in with a packet of toilet bombs. When the smoke cleared, Facade could recognize the filly as his own flesh and blood. One of the reasons he was on trial in the first place.

"Hey, daddy," Cozy said sweetly, "I found some toilet bombs so I thought I'd bust you out."

"Shouldn't you be with your aunt?" Facade asked.

"She'll be fine," Cozy casually replied, "Give it two days and she'll be setting up missing pony posters of me all over the city."

There were a few questions that bounced around Facade's head, such as how did Cozy manage to make a hole in the wall with toilet bombs even though toilet bombs only work in toilets. Nevertheless, he looked at the hole Cozy made and figured he might just fit through it.

"Well, thanks anyway," Facade said, "Now, could you be a lamb and move out of the way, please?"

"Sure thing," Cozy replied as she fluttered back outside.

With nothing to lose, Facade crouched down and forced himself through the hole. Unfortunately, he found out the hole was too small for him to crawl through and he found himself stuck in the middle of it, with only his head and one of his hooves making through the hole.

"Aw, did I make it too small for you?" Cozy asked mockingly, "It's not fun being stuck in a hopeless situation, is it?"

Realizing what Cozy had done, Facade rabidly tried to claw at her with the one hoof available to him. But it was no use.

"But don't worry," Cozy said in a sugary-sweet tone, "I brought some friends over so you don't get all lonely."

As Cozy hovered away, Facade saw a pack of timberwolves prowling towards him. Looking at the blood smeared on their teeth, Facade knew these were the same timberwolves he fed his victims to. Being accustomed to pony flesh, they could smell the meat on him. And without a moment's hesitation, they pounced on him and began to bite and claw away at him. First went his jaw, ripped out by the pack leader with one bite. Then his leg was torn from his body the same way one would tear a packet open. Even though it was drowned out by the timberwolves growling as they ripped him apart, Cozy could faintly hear her dad screaming in unbearable agony. With a smile on her face, she continued to watch as the timberwolves tore away at what remained of Facade's muzzle before biting down on his horn. Eventually, the screams were replaced with gurgling after one of the timberwolves tore at his neck before slowly ripping away at his head. And when the wolves dragged what remained of Facade's body out of the hole he was stuck in, Cozy turned around and wandered off to look for a pen and paper.

---

Dear Tirek

Golly, it's been forever since we last wrote to each other! I have so much to tell you! There were these big furry things that messed up the Friendship Festival so me and my aunt had to hide in Discord's place. I know you two have history but he was friends with my mom so...you know. He felt like he owed her that much or something like that. My big ol' meanie-pants of a dad is in jail for all the bad things he did to me AND I heard they were opening up a School of Friendship somewhere.
Oh, remember when I said I wanted to live with my aunt forever? Yeah, I changed my mind. If I want to make as many friends as possible, I have to go to that School of Friendship. I could ask my auntie if she was willing to take me there but it's a long way from home and she probably wouldn't want to travel back and forth between Manehatten and Ponyville just to pick me up when the day's over.
How many friends do you think I will make once I get there? 10? 50? A gazillion? Golly, I'm just giddy at the thought of how powerful I will be. Maybe I can shoot rainbow lasers like Twilight and her friends.
Anyway, hope to hear from you soon,

Your faithful penpal, Cozy Glow.

Author's Note:

We can all agree Facade got what he deserved in the end.

BTW, there's a small something I forgot to mention in the previous chapter. Before I made a small (and I do mean small) edit, there was a bit in Better To Rule Tartarus where Cozy said she met the Storm King. But, because she never interacted with the Storm King in this story (or anywhere in canon, as far as we know), I changed the word "met" to "saw" to give off the implication she watched the Storm King's antics through Discord's crystal ball.

Comments

[Hawkrine]

I'm so happy you finished it! Thank you

[Leondude]

11104652
You're welcome.