A Cozy Tale

by Leondude

Chapter 17 - Parent Teacher Meeting

Dear Tirek

Something annoying happened today. My mommy forgave daddy after he tried to drown me. Sure, it wasn't the first time my dad had beaten me up and dunked my head in an ice bath but I thought mommy actually seeing me being hurt for once might make her kick him out of my life for good. But nope, she lets him back into the house after one day. Well, that's the justice system for you, if you could even call it that. Do all sorts of nasty things but everypony lets it all slide if you just say sorry. Maybe that's why you're in Tartarus. You didn't want to give them mean old ponies the satisfaction. But on the bright side, mommy's making him attend this parent-teacher conference at my school so I don't have to deal with him tonight. Hopefully, he doesn't come back until long after my bedtime.

Sincerely,
Cozy Glow

PS: I looked up your teacher, Sendak. Gotta say, for a pioneer of draining magic, you'd think he'd have a bigger reputation. With such power, he could have brought all of Equestria to its knees. But since he was only charged with kidnapping a unicorn, I can see why the history books don't mention him that much.

---

It was another relaxing Monday evening, or it would have been relaxing were it not for the fact that Facade was forced to attend the parent-teacher meeting at Cozy's school. Even though he had long since graduated, he had always hated school. All work and no play as far as he was concerned. And when he was allowed to have his bit of fun, he got dragged by the ear to the principal's office. The only reason Facade even attended this meeting was because his wife thinks Cozy's teacher is intimidating. As he sat at the desk in the classroom, the teacher trotted up to him. Facade could tell from the sharp features and mane tied up in a bun that the light turquoise mare before him was Abacus Cinch, a former teacher who worked at the School for Gifted Unicorns before one of her students fell into a come after being pushed to the limit and accidentally tearing a hole in reality to live up to her expectations. Facade had read about the incident in the paper and, with such a weakling costing Cinch her job, was it any wonder that she was such a crotchety old thing?

"Mr Facade," Cinch said, "I must say it's a delight to teach your daughter."

Facade tilted his head at that statement, "It is?"

"Of course," Cinch replied, "I don't think I've seen a student in her class as bright as her. And so well-behaved, too."

"Well, she gets it from me," Facade said confidently.

"Do you read to her at night?" Cinch asked.

"Of course," Facade lied, "A day doesn't go by when I'm not reading to her."

"Perhaps you could ask her if she would like to attend the annual spelling bee," Cinch said, "After all, I think this school could do with a more prestigious reputation."

"Oh, don't worry, I'm sure this school has a good enough reputation as it is," Facade said, "Why else would I send Cozy here?"

"A fair point," Cinch replied, "Now, let's talk about her attendance."

Cinch pulled out a register.

"There have been a couple of days, weeks even, where Cozy had been absent. Care to explain?"

"Oh, those?" Facade replied, "She had to go to the hospital. You know what pegasus fillies are like. They tend to injure themselves when learning how to fly."

"Scientific studies say otherwise," Cinch said sternly.

"Since me and my wife don't live in Cloudsdale, there's a good chance she might fly up into the ceiling only to bump her head and come crashing down," Facade continued to lie, "She even had a nasty fall on the weekend. You have no idea how many times Child Services came around to my house and I had to explain Cozy's injuries to them because they think that I've been beating her. How ridiculous is that?"

"I suppose you're not the only one who had the law breathing down your neck," Cinch replied, "Because of an incident with one of my students, I am no longer allowed to teach in the School of Gifted Unicorns."

"I know, I read the news," Facade said.

"And that is to say nothing about the rumours that I drove another student into taking her own life. Could you even imagine how damaging that was to my reputation? I was lucky enough to even get a teaching job here!"

Facade shrugged, "I guess some ponies just aren't ready to handle the pressure. Take my wife, for example. She always worries herself silly over the smallest of things."

"Yes, she did strike me as the nervous type last time I saw her," Cinch said, "Well, it was a pleasure talking to you, Mr Facade. If you could find a way to boost Cozy's attendance, I would appreciate it."

"I'll see what I can do."

Facade got up out of the desk and made his way out of the classroom.

"Before you go, do you know anything of a recent act of vandalism to the mare's toilets?" Cinch asked, "Cozy said a stallion snuck in there and performed a Loo Bomb spell."

"Nope, had nothing to do with it," Facade replied as he quickly trotted out of the classroom.

"I should hope not. There was sewage everywhere."

---

Dear Tirek

I forgot to mention in my earlier letter that I did something very naughty today. During break time, I waited for my teacher to enter a toilet where I put a magical item my dad gave me that can turn a toilet into a mini volcano. As much as I hate him, I'm glad he stuck to his promise of making my school days more exciting by teaching me something he used to do when he was my age. Now let's hope Miss Cinch would think my dad did it. And if she doesn't, well, it was pretty funny anyway. You should have seen the look on her face, even though it was mostly covered in poop. I had to hide in another room because I was about to pee myself laughing. Anyway, what about you? Surely, you have some fun childhood memories to share with your friend.

Sincerely,
Cozy Glow

Author's Note:

Fact of the day: Shining Facade is a lying bastard!

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