Anthology of Graybles

by Str8aura

Insane in the Mainframe (OC; Comedy)

The following is an employee education tape taken from the archives of MoreOwie Industries, seized shortly after its bankruptcy and closure. The tapes have been added to the Canterlot Library for ease of public access as being of 'Important Historical Significance', and as teaching material for any interested in the magical arts. When asked for her thoughts on the actions of MoreOwie, Princess Celestia was scant to comment save the vague indication that she found it 'amusing'.

Transcript notes were doodled in pen in the margins and sometimes between lines by an unknown party thought to be a former worker.

-Mgmt

[Begin transcript.]

[Show MEINU, the narrator for most of the video, a cherry red Changeling with golden eyes that reflect the light in dancing waves (Transcript Note: Won't that not show up under CRT lines?). He smiles at the camera and waves his hoof in a grand, sweeping gesture.]

MEINU: Good morning. You can call me Meinu, the founder, CEO, and manager of internal affairs at MoreOwie Industries, and I'd like to welcome you, new employee, to the world of the future.

[The camera zooms out, and we see the labs at work (TN: Ask the workers to look productive). Members of all species manuever microscopes to peer at slides, while at the back a sleeping Pony is suspended by a white X-Ray machine in front of a board a chart is projected upon (TN: "A" chart? Screw it, we'll show the sales report and hope nobody squints too hard). Creatures continue to work as Meinu begins walking among them, the camera once again zooming in on him.]

MEINU: Here at MoreOwie, our mission statement is simple; Modify and Sever, Modify Whatever. In the dawn of civilization, the balance was even- Predators, diseases, childbirth complications, and weather culled the populations of all living creatures, allowing us to live in Harmony. But in the thousands of years since, its become clear that some species are meant to thrive above others- Changelings, Dragons, Ponies, Hippogriff, Kirin- Indiscriminately, logic is clear. If the species is sapient enough to rise above its base instincts and build a civilization, the species has won and conquered the cradle of life we call our planet. But we can go further.

[A blank black silhouette of an Earth Pony appears on a white background.]

MEINU: Now, our species' goals are no longer to survive- we want to thrive, and to that end is our greatest asset yet, our ability to optimize. When our eyes fail, we build ourselves glasses.

[Red glasses appear.]

MEINU: When our ears fail, we build ourselves hearing aids, grabbing the reins of magic itself to restore our senses.

[Grey Elephant Ears appear (TN: I guess working in a lab has made me unaware of how few people know what an Equestrian hearing aid looks like. When we showed this to a test audience, many assumed the elephant ears to be some kind of exaggeration for comedy.).]

MEINU: When we lose a limb, we replace it with a metal, gemstone powered replica.

[An emerald peg leg appears.]

MEINU: A being capable of thought is a being deserving of living, but these means are primitive. Metal is not the way- we can do better. And it's all thanks to Changelings we know we can.

[Cut to stock footage of a Unicorn mother licking the Amniotic Sac off a foal (TN: Is that really what they do? Gross. Don't they have, like, gloves?).]

MEINU: A Changeling is a master of its own Stem Cells. When, say, a pony is born, its a collection of those Stem Cells that begin to grow the rest of its body. As it matures, it maintains only a small amount of them.

[Cut to stock footage of Changelings hatching, with the caption 'TAKEN POST REFORMATION' (TN: This was actually taken by a wartime reporter when Chrysalis was still reigning as part of a Changeling documentary, but I'm sure nobody will research hard enough to look into the citations in the credits. Plus, it's posthumous so it cost less.).]

MEINU: Changelings are different; when they come out of the egg, they alone control replication and function of those cells. They regrow and evolve and change to the greatest form they can be. We asked the question nobody else would; Can these cells be used on other creatures? And the answer was yes. As soon as the theory was proven, we proposed the idea to medical institutions all over the world. Thanks to our work, in a matter of years, physical injury will be rendered obsolete. I dream of a day when kids on the playground will dare each other to bash open their heads with rocks, safe in the knowledge that anything short of complete brain destruction can be repaired by a loving mother from the comfort of their own home.

[Cut to lengthy disclaimer that MoreOwie Industries does not endorse the beliefs of its founder and spokesperson.]

MEINU: It seems like our Mission Statement is complete, right? But we can go further. We can enter a new age. Ladies and Gentlemen, by the time I'm done with my species, 'Ladies and Gentlemen' will be an optional setting.

[As Meinu talks, a very effeminate mare is seen chugging from a potion, and in a poof of pink dust, changing features to a stallion, looking down at themselves in mild surprise.]

MEINU: When our science was proven, We all had a big meeting, and tossed around a single question; 'What can Changelings not do?' We reached a popular consensus of what the Changelings on our board wished we could modify about our bodies we simply can't, and results were illuminating.

[Cut to a montage of workers looking at the cameras with smiles.]

WORKER 1: I want to glow like a firefly!

WORKER 2: I want a windmill on my head!

WORKER 3: I want to be my fursona, but there just isn't anything in real life like it I can model myself after!

(TN: That's Dave. Bitch stole my lunch.)

[Cut back to MEINU on a grassy field overlooking the ocean.]

MEINU: So we did it, modifying and severing to our heart's content, and it worked.

[A large green check mark appears next to him (TN: Demonstrating our epic editing capabilities).]

MEINU: And that's not only for our race. I ask you, intrepid viewer, what do you want?"

[Cut to a montage of random species smiling at the camera.]

HIPPOGRIFF: Wings.

BUFFALO: I want to make whale calls!

WHALEPONY: I want my horn to be really long and droopy so I can thwack people with it if I turn fast enough!

[Cut to a cartoon vector of a box full of potions, and one item that appears to be a plastic dragon head (TN: 'Appears to be').]

MEINU: Here at MoreOwie Industries, we ask the questions nobody else will. 'Why should we bother with concepts like gender when we just made a working robot arm last week?' 'Why shouldn't we get moving Cutie Marks that look like DeviantArt stamps and are just as hard to look at?' 'Why not market to the wallets of the procreationally deviant, if they're willing to throw a few cents our way for their MoreCrate subscription?

[Cut to Meinu, back at the lab.]

MEINU: And as one of our newly hired scientists, you've gotta ask those questions too. There are no bad ideas, only ideas that result in abominations to nature that must be euthanized for their own good.

[Cut to a cartoonish (TN: all too cheerful) lab coat-clad pony fighting off tentacles emerging from behind a door, then a white cat silhouette marked GCAT.]

MEINU: You sequence the GCATs, we sell for fat cash, and the world gets a little larger. Why, before long even Death will be at our beck and call! Time to clarify that will, ghost grandpa!

[Cut to a vector of a skeletal old man in a wheelchair being suddenly poofed back to a baby.]

MEINU: Freedom of Form is our universal right as Changelings. Why can't it be yours, too? The sky and your bank account are the limit. We're excited to start working with you, Champ. Let's make a better world together. And from all of us here at MoreOwie Industries; Thank you.

[Cut to MEINU standing in a crowd of workers, all waving at the camera as it zooms out. The footage shrinks to a corner of the screen and in the remaining space, phone numbers and guarantees appear. End on the MoreOwie logo, a weird, hydra-headed, furry creature snarling at the camera.]

[End transcript.]

Bankruptcy was declared half a month later when all of the company's resources were poured into creating the Plane Pony. Trials were a success. The victory was Pyrrhic.

Alongside these tapes, all internal files, research, and assets were seized by the Crown. This tape is one of the rarities that were allowed to the public eye. It is unknown what was done with the rest of the material.

Two months after the seizure and archival, an official Transequinism branch was quietly added to the Canterlot Society of Technological Development, an organization heavily backed and funded by the Crown.

-Mgmt

Author's Note:

The pic that inspired it

Comments

[Casketbase77]

Meinu

There really is a finite number of entomology terms out there that reasonably sound like names.

There’s also a (probably intentional clash) between the silly name of “MoreOwie” and the complicated corporate speak of the CEO trying to pitch the company mission of cyber eugenics. What was it you said in the comments of my last fic? “I like to write my Equestria as an urban spoof of modern Earth.”

I'm sure nobody will research hard enough to look into the citations in the credits. Plus, it's posthumous so it cost less

I was initially worried the “transcript notes” gag would end up being distracting or extraneous the longer it went on. But of course you use it to worldbuild and satirize. There are no Bad Tropes, just bad and good implementations.

Changelings are different

Love? Eaten.

Society? Infiltrated.

Built? Different.

As soon as the theory was proven, we proposed the idea to medical institutions all over the world

While this passage is immediately followed by a description of a joke scenario with a legal disclaimer, it pulls double duty by building intrigue. We know from the opening italicized paragraph that MoreOwie goes defunct after this vid. Clearly disaster will strike this seemingly secure company. Will it be a comedic domino effect, or a harrowing Simian Flu-style accidental self genocide? Its a Str8ura Snippet, so there’s no way to properly predict it.

MEINU: And that's not only for our race. I ask you, intrepid viewer, what do you want?"

[Cut to a montage of random species smiling at the camera.]

HIPPOGRIFF: Wings.

We got Scootaloo in hippogriff form over here.

'Why should we bother with concepts like gender when we just made a working robot arm last week?' 'Why shouldn't we get moving Cutie Marks that look like DeviantArt stamps and are just as hard to look at?'

I just realized this story is a satire of OCs whose designs went overboard. I need to hide Vitty. Quickly.

Bankruptcy was declared half a month later when all of the company's resources were poured into creating the Plane Pony. Trials were a success. The victory was Pyrrhic.

And there it is. Payoff for the burning question of whether this will end on a joke (like most Snippets) or a venomous social critique (like Throwing Up). And of course you indulge in both: first with a stiffly delivered joke teasing Aileron’s origin story (and adding context to his seminal line “I’ve been destroyed before!”). Then the biting satire tops it all off by confirming the government swallowed up MoreOwie’s leftovers like a fat kid swallows unattended cake or the CIA swallows productive crime syndicates.

This complicated, highbrow comedy snippet was pretty dang removed from the innocuous Pic Prompt of a strobelight Changeling. But that’s just how you do; your Changeling Snippets tend to fire on all cylinders, whether they feature a helpless foal cornered in the garage or a certain School of Friendship student being vivisected and embarrassed by a classmate. Now we can add this new one to the pile of Changeling Snippets That For Better Or For Worse Will Linger With The Reader Long After They’ve Closed Fimfiction.

For some meta bemusement, it occurred to me about halfway through this one that my format of commenting on quoted story text basically makes me the Transcript Notes of any given Snippet I’ve commented on. If any in-universe faction were to harness that trick and spread it to the masses, it’d definitely be MoreOwie.

Can’t think of any more blood I can draw from this story’s stone. Unless all this tongue-in-cheekery has an added layer to it I somehow missed. Wouldn’t be surprised; this is clearly a razor thin slice of a much bigger and far-reaching AU. But then again, so was Captain Tempest And Her Miserable Trio Of Conscripted Unicorns. And that Snippet stood just fine on its own, same as this.

Overall, fun read. Very dense.

[Str8aura]

11199260
MoreOwie Industries.

MoreOwieIn dustries.

Moreauian dustries.

Dr Moreau.

While you're ruminating on that name, Meinu means Bitch in Japanese.

I'm... not sure what this story is about, and genuinely realized that halfway through writing it. Is it a satire or celebration of Transhumanism? Is it actually a loving jab at OCs? If MoreOwie is so cartoonishly evil, why have they done so much good, and vice versa? Are they to be rooted for, and if so, why do they get a happy ending? Well, to tell you the truth, I don't know any of those answers, and this fic is probably the least directed of any of them by far. Still, I'm glad you misconstrued my misdirection for nonaffiliation.

[Casketbase77]

11199264
Aha, The Island of Doctor Moreau. Nice to know I'm still an expert at not noticing blatant pop culture references. I thought "MoreOwie" was a stealthy pun related to Meinu's tangent about kids being able to beat the manure out of each other without dying.

As for misconstruction of themes and ideas, perhaps when staring into the shapeless Grey Goo that is MoreOwie, I see a reflection of my own literary thoughts speakling back to me.

I also see my own username and profile pic speaking back to me in these comments, but that's due to unrelated circumstances.

[Str8aura]

11199268
That last comment isnt gonna age well when i change back to a beast at the stroke of midnight.

[Casketbase77]

11199272
It will persist in the memory of those who were there in the moment. Just like MoreOwie persists in the underbelly of Canterlot's off-the-books federal operations.

That one commenter who thought I was you is gonna have a serious case self-inflicted gaslighting when we trade identities back.

If you look in the mirror and don't like whatchu see, // you can find out firsthand what its like to be me....