Anthology of Graybles

by Str8aura

The Fluttershy Show (Fluttershy, Twilight; Comedy)

"Ladies and Gentlemen! It's the Fluttershy Show!"

The audience clapped. The band played. Lights turned on, needlessly come to think of it, to illuminate the woman herself in her best grey tailored suit, staring into the camera without a hint of emotion. Flames danced across the desk in front of her, eating though the fine wood. All was well.

"No, no, I said we weren't doing this bit!"

Twilight didn't even wait for her prompting, running on set and desperately trying to fan the flames with her wings. Fluttershy continued dead eyeing the audience, barely registering the roaring flame in front of her. Just before it reached the carpet, someone offstage telekinetically pushed it behind curtains, replacing it with an identical desk. Twilight sat down, exasperated, as her name card appeared below her. Fluttershy got up, moving for a microphone at the front of the stage.

"Hello everybody! We're back. Same time, different network, they want us to cut down on some of the more risque activities we get up to. I love my job. Go die."

---*---

"He's done things, apparently. It's Prince Blueblood."

The audience clapped politely as the aforementioned guest parted the curtains, blowing kisses to his adoring fans and heading for the guest chair. Twilight got up, awkwardly standing behind him.

"Tell me, Prince, what do you do?"

As the host spoke, she casually pulled out pair of scissors and began cutting some loose strands off of her hair. Blueblood ignored it.

"I'm a member of the Canterlot Royalty, I have the highest authority on decisions made..."

Fluttershy moved on to her fur, trimming a few choice hairs.

"I have been nominated by several magazines as the Woman's Choice for most eligible bachelor..."

Fluttershy inspected a hoof, raising her scissors to it carelessly.

"I am a proud owner of several airships, making up 15% of all legally flying airships in Equestria..."

Her scissors delicately trimmed the fur above her hoof, before gracefully sinking into the flesh.

"I... I have attended several galas in my lifetime, as I happen to be one of the nephews of..."

The blades rose, carrying a single strand of furry skin. She carelessly began pulling at it, running a cut down to blood vessels up her leg.

"Princess... Celestia...."

The line of flesh was ripped upward, traveling the length of her leg, chest, neck, and arriving at her face. Blueblood turned to Twilight for help, who appeared to be taking a bite out of a large, raw dragon egg and still standing next to him uncomfortably.

"I... I...."

Fluttershy slowed as it crossed by her mouth, finally coming to a stop with a square inch just below her eye. She ripped it off entirely, leaving a foot long length of skin and a trickle of blood beneath her eye. She smiled at her guest, tilting her head.

"Sorry, I wasn't listening. Could you start over?"

"Um... Of course... I'm Prince Blueblood-"

Fluttershy vomited over her desk.

---*---

Officer Fluttershy

Fluttershy stood shakily on a street corner, alchohol bottle resting on her back. An orange mare approached, passing by, and Shy reached out to stop her.

"Hey, I'm afraid you can't be doing that."

"What?"

"This is, um, a no walking zone..."

"Hey, are you supposed to be drinking?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. How about I pay you 100 bucks to piss off?"

"Okay, sure."

She moved a hoof into a saddlebag resting by her, before pausing. "Is it okay if I give you two 50s?"

"Sure."

She gave her a 50. "Wait, I just found a 25. give me back that 50 real quick."

"Here."

"Alright, three 25s."

"What about the fourth one?"

"You have it.

"I just gave you my 50."

"Ah. Here it is back."

"Right. Here's your three 25s."

"Of course. Pass me the 50."

"Here you go."

"Right! That should be it. See you."

Fluttershy walked off. The camera hovered on the orange mare for a few minutes, watching her face as she slowly realized.

---*---

"I want you to talk to the bird, uh, talk to the bird like I'm not here. Tell her your greatest nightmare,yeah."

Cheerilee turned away from the green screen suited woman who had approached her on the street, focusing her attention on the brilliantly violet plumed bird on her shoulder. It trilled lightly, and she began speaking without even thinking.

"I guess, what terrifies me, is the thought that, no matter what religion got it right, no matter what happens after I die, I'm always promised the same thing, um, an eternity of bliss. But, uh, if I become eternal, for doing good, and I never die, just doing the same blissful things over and over again, eventually, they won't mean anything to me. Life will be monotonous forever, and then, it makes me think, um, maybe, maybe this world is heaven, or elysium or nirvana or whatever, and if so, there's no good answer to anything, either I die and that's it, or I never die and that's it, and if this is heaven, well, heaven is terrifying."

Fluttershy barely registered her words, flipping through Cheerilee's wallet.

"Hey, I can't use this credit card. You can have it back. Thanks for playing."

---*---

The host was standing at the counter of Sugarcube Corner in police garb, staring through glass at the lines of pastries. A baker came out to greet her, curiously raising an ear at her uniform.

"Hi! Can I get you anything?"

"Hey." Fluttershy looked up.

"Yeah?"

"Hey."

"Yes?"

"Police to meet you."

The baker chuckled. Fluttershy brought her baton through the glass directly into a large chocolate cake.

---*---

Applejack smiled, looking through her lineup of baskets filled to the brim with quality, a-tier apples. The sun was shining brightly upon her orchard, and she couldn't help but begin whistling to herself as she picked up the first apple, delicately slicing through it with a knife. She overshot a little, sending the knife plunging down into the basket.

Fluttershy's head popped out, knife plunged directly into her forehead.

"Hello, would you like to change religions?"

Applejack screamed.

---*---

"Ladies and gentlemen, to end off this episode, one of my favorite musicians, Octavia melody, playing one of her most well known songs, To Build An Army. And also she's blindfolded and also Twilight is going to be beating her up as she performs because she hates her."

Octavia raised an eyebrow nervously as a ribbon was levitated around her head.

"Do you... really hate me?"

"It's easier to just go with what she says." Twilight shrugged.

Author's Note:

The picture that prompted it

Comments

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