Nightmare Sparkle Vs Queen Chrysalis (Rewriten)
It was already wedding day, Celestia had already begun the ceremony. The entrance doors opened revealing Cadence, who had a mischievous smile, but no one seemed to notice or care about that. Rarity looked like she was going to cry, but then she took a handkerchief and wiped her tears away. While Applejack took her hat and put it on while looking sideways. As Cadence climbed the stairs, she and Shining Armor looked at each other. But what no one noticed, except Cadence, was that Shining Armor’s eyes were green. Celestia began to speak, “We are here at this ceremony to bring these two ponies together. If any pony goes against these ponies getting together, talk now or shut up forever.”
“I’m against!”
Everypony looked and saw a black unicorn with ethereal mane. The unicorn didn’t seem happy about it. Everypony was surprised and scared. But who were most scared were the friends of Twilight, Cadence, Spike and Celestia, because they recognized who this unicorn was.
“Twilight?” asked Celestia. “Is that you?”
“Twilight? I’m… Nightmare Sparkle!” said Nightmare Sparkle.
Everypony in the room was surprised and frightened by this revelation.
Nightmare Sparkle slowly approached Cadence as she smiled. Cadence looked scared.
“B-back off, Twilight!” cried Cadence, before casting her magic. But Twilight made a shield to protect herself as she continued walking.
When Cadence stopped casting the magic, Twilight took off her shield to speak. “It’s no use, Cadence. You will not stop me. That is, if I should call you by that name.”
Cadence was nervous. To her surprise, the mares blocked the passage of Nightmare Sparkle. “If you want the princess, you have to go through the five of us.”
Nightmare Sparkle shook her head as she smiled. “You guys are such idiots,” she charged her magic before casting on the five mares. But to her misfortune, they jumped away.
“Twilight, what the hell happened to you?” asked Applejack.
Nightmare Sparkle laughed before answering and putting a hoof on her cheek. “Oh? Looks like you have a poor memory. ”
“What are you talking about, Twilight?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Don’t you remember?” asked Nightmare Sparkle. “You guys ignored me when i said Cadence was evil”
“Twilight, but you were accusing without evidence!” shouted Rainbow Dash.
“Ah-ah. I’m not done talking yet,” said Nightmare Sparkle. Rainbow Dash became more irritated.
“And do you know what happened after I was left alone, ponies?” asked Nightmare Sparkle.
No one answered.
“I cried, you fools!” shouted Nightmare Sparkle. She started walking again, only now in an irritated manner and went to Celestia, who was saddened by what Nightmare Sparkle said.
Nightmare Sparkle went to Celestia and put a hoof on the princess’s chin. “And Celestia, you ignored me when I needed you most! Do you know what happened next?”
Celestia was crying with guilt. She didn’t want to answer Nightmare Sparkle’s question.
“Nightmare came and comforted me,” replied Nightmare Sparkle.
“This ... This is very nice of her,” said Fluttershy with a smile.
Nightmare Sparkle removed the hull from Celestia’s chin, looked at Fluttershy and lowered himself to Fluttershy’s level. “Do you think she did just that? She comforted me and gave me an offer.”
Celestia was concerned. This thing couldn’t be what she thought it was.
“She gave me the offer to take my body and I accepted,” said Nightmare Sparkle, before getting up and laughing. “And you will never see my weak self again. The same unicorn who defeated Nightmare.”
“Nightmare,” Celestia recognized who was in Twilight’s body.
Nightmare Sparkle smiled. “I see that you still remember her, Celestia. Ready for your retirement? ”
“Please, Twilight!” pleaded Celestia, through tears. “Stop this. I’m so sorry.”
“Apologize?” asked Nightmare Sparkle. “Did you forget what you said to me?”
Celestia remembered what she said and made her cry. She didn’t know why she spoke that way to her student. Why didn’t she say it more calmly? Now, she lost her student to Nightmare. She had already lost Luna. Now, she lost Twilight Sparkle to Nightmare.
“Twilight, can you hear us?” asked Applejack. “Fight it!”
Nightmare Sparkle looked at Applejack. “I will not fight this. Nightmare is in my body and I am the one controlling my movements.”
Rainbow Dash flew over to Nightmare Sparkle. “How could you?! Stop it, Twilight!”
“Never!” screamed Nightmare Sparkle before casting damage magic at Rainbow, but the pegasus deflected flying,
Nightmare Sparkle looked a little annoyed that she hadn’t managed to hit Rainbow Dash. But she was calm again and looked at Cadence with a smile. “I see that you’re very quiet, Cadence. Do you feel uncomfortable now that I’m a new pony?”
Cadence was nervous. She didn’t know what to say. “Are you really Cadence? Or is it a Changeling?”
Cadence looked nervous at the last sentence. “I am not a Changeling, Twilight. Where did this idea come from?”
“Do you know who you’re talking to, Cadence?” asked Nightmare Sparkle. “You aren't talking to Twilight. You're talking to the queen of nightmares, Nightmare Sparkle.”
Nightmare Sparkle carried her magic. Cadence took a few steps back, while Nightmare Sparkle walked over to her.
“Please, Twilight!” cried Cadence. “Don't do it!”
But to no avail, Nightmare Sparkle used her magic on Cadence. Everypony was surprised. But Nightmare Sparkle didn’t kill Cadence, she just took off her disguise. When she was finished, Nightmare Sparkle went to the creature.
Chrysalis opened ber eyes. She was no longer scared and started to laugh. “You're right. As queen of the Changelings, it is my duty to find love for my subjects. And Equestria has more love than anywhere I have ever met! And my subjects and I will dominate all Equestria! ”
Nightmare Sparkle stopped walking. “Queen Chrysalis, you aren't going to dominate Canterlot and all Equestria. That will be my role that I will play.”
Nightmare Sparkle charged its magic before casting on Queen Chrysalis, but the queen also cast magic. The two spells were on, fighting to gain control. Although Chrysalis has the power of Shining Armor’s love, that wasn't enough for her to win. Nightmare Sparkle managed to win with the force of hatred. Chrysalis was on the floor, stunned. Nightmare Sparkle caught Chrysalis with her magic. “Now, answer me a question: Where is the real Cadence?”
Chrysalis opened her eyes. “In… In the crystal cave….”
Nightmare Sparkle threw Chrysalis to the ground before using her magic and casting it to the moon.
The Changelings who struck the shield saw Chrysalis being thrown to the moon, they stopped what they were doing to follow their queen.
Nightmare Sparkle looked back at the audience ponies. “I hope you are all ready for me to be the queen of Equestria. Because you will all pay for not listening to me and I will not be a benevolent ruler!”
Twilight’s friends were surprised by the words of Nightmare Sparkle. They were very sorry they didn’t hear Twilight. Thanks to their negligences, they lose Twilight. Celestia didn’t know what to do to get her beloved student back. Without Twilight, the Elements of Harmony wouldn’t work. And now? But until she remembered what Chrysalis said: Chrysalis said the real Cadence was in the crystal mines.
Nightmare Sparkle stopped laughing. “Well, I’m going. I have a castle to decorate in Everfree Forest and when I return, I will have a conversation with Luna.”
Nightmare Sparkle realized that she had no wings and wasn’t an alicorn. She decided to walk. As Nightmare Sparkle left the room, she closed the door.
Twilight’s friends were very sad. But the saddest things were Spike. Spike was crying, he lost the pony in which he saw as a mother.
Applejack looked at Celestia. “And now, princess? What do we do?”
“Let’s save Cadence,” replied Celestia. “Chrysalis has said Cadence was in the Crystal Cave.”
“But what if she’s lying, princess?” asked Applejack.
“Applejack, I’m sure she’s not lying,” said Celestia. “Now who will come with me?”
Who answered in unison were Spike and friends of Twilight. “Me! Me!”
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Great chapter again! However, there is an error I must point out that should be fixed.
“She cried, you fools!” ahouted Nightmare Sparkle. She walked back, only now angrily and went to Celestia, who was saddened by what Nightmare Sparkle said.
The 'ahouted' should be 'shouted'.
9978299
Thank you for pointing me. I hadn't seen this error and i already fixed
9978301
You're welcome. Oh. Found another.
Nightmare Sparkle looked at Applejack. “Twilight won’t hear you. She’s currently watching everything while I control her body.”
The 'won't' after Twilight should be 'can't' and "She's currently watching everything while I control her body.” should be "She's currently watching everything from her mind while I control her body.”
9978308
Thanks. I already fixed it too
9978312
You're welcome. For chapter 3, I think Shining Armor is freed from Chrysalis's spell and sees Celestia, Twilight's friends and Spike sad. He asks them what's wrong and they tell him that Twilight was right about Cadence. They tell him that the one he was about to marry was a Changeling in disguise and that their betrayal towards Twilight caused her to be possessed by Nightmare. This saddens him and he vows to help them not only find the real Cadence, but also bring Twilight back to them so they can apologize to her.
9978292
Eh same thing.
Oh. Found another error.
Nightmare Sparkle took her hoove off the Celestia’s chin, looked at Fluttershy, and lowered herself to Fluttershy’s level. “Do you think I did just that? I gave her an offer”
'hoove' should be 'hoof' and there should be a period after 'offer'.
9978336
Fixed
You know Nightmare is actually being quite smart, she hasn't attacked anyone other than fake Cadence. She is not seeking Twilight's Ire so she isn't hurting anyone.
Interesting. When can we expect more?
Do you like my idea for chapter 3?
Oh. As the ponies are doing that, Nightmare Sparkle gets to the castle and uses magic to fix it up and decorate it.
9978444
Yes. I liked your ideia
9978458
Thanks.
9978458
So is chapter 3 in progress?
9978499
I haven't started writing yet
9978502
Oh. Ok.
9978505
Don't worry. I started writing a little bit now
still a few issues here and there with nothing to do with spelling. but i like it so far.
9978522
Okay.
9978264
That's the name of a story that inspired this one actually. Well, the name is she becomes NEW Nightmare Moon. The story's on Quotev.
People are still making Canterlot wedding stories where Twilight lashes out at everyone for not believing her about Cadance?
Great Job on this fic Twilight Star! Looks like this could be your biggest hit!
nice work
9978607
It works right
9978664
As long as the ending is happy and Shining armor doesn't get heavily abused like he was in "broken trust" I'd be willing to throw a fav.
I think it would be cool if there was an adventure to find Twilight.
9978679
Like the Nightmare Rarity comic?
9978686
Oh no I mean the fic "Broken Trust"
More or less I'm thinking of how it can go positively, maybe it'll end like the Nightmare Rarity comic. with resolution
This is from my story on quotev, in the final chapter. After Twilight returns to normal.
"Twily, I'm so sorry for not listening to you back when you warned us about the fake Cadence." Shining Armor said between sobs. "I didn't mean to hurt you like how I did. The Changeling Queen brainwashed me into believing she was Cadence, she fed off of so much of my love for Cadence that she made me turn against you. Her going down that hall crying was a way of turning me and everypony else against you. I realize that now. I'm sorry I stripped you of your Best Mare title and kicked you out of the wedding. That was very foolish of me. I'm so sorry Twily."
As Shining Armor continued to cry, the mane 5 trotted up to their friend.
"Twilight, we are sorry too." Fluttershy said.
"As the Elements of Harmony and your friends, we were supposed to stick by your side and support you as friends are supposed to do. But instead, we turned our backs on you." Rarity added.
And then the mane five saying their elements, but had acted like their exact opposite element again.
If I was Luna right now, I'd be sweating profusely
Wow! This is really good so far! I can't wait to see what happens next!
I can see potential in the story, and it does have a flow to it.
However you really need a editor, one well versed in paragraph structure. There is no shame in needing an editor, I have a number of them who help me with my stories. Some even write in new content after I write out the basic structure of the chapter.
I just found another error.
Rainbow Dash flew to Nightmare Sparkle. “You monster! Leave Twilight alone!”
The "Leave Twilight alone!" should be "Let Twilight go!"
9979216
Fixed
why nobody tried to stop her?
and why nightmare wants eternal night?
This was Luna's earlier desire, not twilight.
and unable to walk, why didn't it become fog?
sorry for the bad english. online translator.
why nobody tried to stop her?
and why nightmare wants eternal night?
This was Luna's earlier desire, not twilight.
and unable to walk, why didn't it become fog?
sorry for the bad english. online translator.
9979735
The idea of giving eternal night came from Nightmare instead of Luna in this story.
Oh. Found another in this chapter.
“I gave the offer to take her body and she accepted,” said Nightmare Sparkle, before getting up and laughing. “And you will never see the lavender unicorn again. The same unicorn that defeated me when I was in Luna’s body.”
There should be 'control of' between 'take' and 'her' and there should be 'now,' between 'And' and 'you'.
9980675
Fixed
Just found another error.
Nightmare Sparkle took her hoof off the Celestia’s chin, looked at Fluttershy, and lowered herself to Fluttershy’s level. “Do you think I did just that? I comforted her and gave an offer”
The 'the' between off and Celestia's should be 'of', there should be a 'her' between 'gave' and 'an', and there should be a period after 'offer'.
9981887
Fixed
Her
10056117
Fixed
Her magic
10067589
Fixed
Who, not when. "The same unicorn who defeated Nightmare".
10153799
Thank you for showing the errors. I just corrected
Oh, yeah, she isn't an alicorn yet.
I forgot that.
I honestly think this would have been better if Nightmare was in control of Twilight's body, and wanted to make everypony pay for not listening to Twilight.
10219376
...no, no no no no no. I don’t want to agree with you...but I do, I really do. It just makes so much more sense