Captured [Rewritten]
Luna watched if Canterlot was safe in a tower. She couldn’t help noticing that the Changelings that were hitting the shield left. Well, that was a good thing. Luna couldn’t help but notice before she saw something flying from the window. She didn’t know what it was. But Luna knew it was a creature that tried to invade. Whoever threw the creature away did a good job, she even intended to please that it did. Suddenly, she heard the sound of a door opening and closing. She looked back and saw her sister, Spike, friends of Twilight, Cadence and Shining Armor. “Sister? Friends? Cadence? Shining? What happened?”
“Sister, you’re in danger,” replied Celestia.
Luna was confused and worried at the same time. “Me? In danger? But what am I in danger of?”
“It’s Nightmare Sparkle, Luna,” replied Celestia. “She went to Castle of the Two Sisters to decorate it, and then would come to you.”
Luna was confused. “Wait. Who is Nightmare Sparkle?”
“Nightmare Sparkle is Nightmare in Twilight’s body,” replied Celestia. “It’s kind of hard to explain.”
“But how did Twilight become that?” asked Luna. “What made her accept for Nightmare to take control of her body?”
Celestia got nervous. “It’s our fault, Luna”
“What do you mean it’s from all of you, Sister?” asked Luna.
“In the rehearsal, Twilight accused ‘Cadence’ of being evil just because she was acting differently,” Celestia replied.
Luna found it odd that Cadence was acting weird. “And you believed in her?”
“No, Luna. I was taken by her brother’s words.” Celestia was crying now.
“Sister, Twilight is your student,” said Luna. “If Twilight said that, it was because she felt something wasn’t right.”
“I know, Luna,” Celestia kept crying. “But I thought Cadence was like that because of stress.”
“Sister, don’t blame yourself,” said Luna. “You made a mistake, that’s all.”
“But it was my mistake that gave Nightmare the opportunity to take control of Twilight’s body,” said Celestia.
“But what do you want me to do, sister?” asked Luna. She wanted to do something to save her friend.
Celestia didn’t know what to do. “I don’t know, Luna. We came here before Nightmare Sparkle to warn you that she would come here to possibly talk to you.”
“I know that already, Sister,” said Luna. “But you want me to do what?”
Suddenly, they heard the sound of a door opening. Everyone looked at the door and saw Nightmare Sparkle. Nightmare Sparkle smiled when she saw Luna and approached. “Hi, Luna.”
“Twilight?” asked Luna. “Is that you?”
“I’m not Twilight,” said Nightmare Sparkle. “I am Nightmare Sparkle!”
“Twilight, you have to fight it,” said Luna.
“You’re so naive, Luna,” said Nightmare Sparkle. “Before Nightmare took control of your body, you resisted it for a long time. You denied and denied the chances that she could use your body. I was the opposite of you. I accepted right away, although i seemed uncertain at first she managed to convince me until fast, and I am in control of my body. ”
“You will stop now, Twilight. Or I will ... ” Luna was already prepared for her magic.
“Or what? Will you attack me?” asked Nightmare Sparkle. “Me and Nightmare are the same. If you hurt Nightmare, you will be hurting me too.”
Nightmare Sparkle’s words made Luna’s courage fade. She stopped using her magic. She didn’t want to hurt her first friend. What would Twilight think of her?
“Luna, don’t listen to what she says!” said Applejack.
“Yeah, Luna. Twilight doesn’t know who she is messing with!” agreed Rainbow Dash.
Nightmare Sparkle smiled before laughing and saying, “Do you think I don’t know? Of course I know. You’re my ‘friends’ that tried to stop Nightmare Moon from causing eternal night. The difference is that Nightmare was in Luna’s body and now, she is in my body and I am no longer with all of you.”
Rainbow flew up to Nightmare Sparkle. “You aren’t going to do any harm to Equestria. We will stop you.”
“Do you think I won’t be ready?” asked Nightmare Sparkle. “There’s an army of Nightmare forces on the moon. Only they are on the moon now, but that doesn’t stop me from calling them to bring them to Equestria.”
“Are you by any chance afraid of losing?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Because we will find a way to stop you. We were your friends before, but if you want to play the villain, then that’s how it will be.”
“How many times do I have to say it?” asked Nightmare Sparkle, already starting to get impatient with the pegasus. “How are you going to use the Elements of Harmony without me? I represent the strongest and rarest element of all.”
Rainbow Dash remembered that, but remained confident. She didn’t let Nightmare Sparkle shake her.
Nightmare Sparkle laughed at the pegasus reaction. “What happened? Can’t you accept the truth that you’ll never see my weak and childish side again?”
Rainbow Dash was annoyed and punched Nightmare Sparkle in the cheek, resulting in a blush. Nightmare Sparkle screamed before placing the right front hoof on the cheek. Nightmare Sparkle looked irritably at Rainbow Dash, the pegasus realized it did and smiled nervously. “That hurt, you know?”
“Er ... I’m sorry,” said Rainbow Dash.
Nightmare Sparkle, still in a bad mood, took the hoof off her cheek, took Rainbow Dash and used her magic. Everyone had to close and cover their eyes. When the glow stopped, they stopped covering and opened their eyes. They were surprised. Rainbow Dash is gone.
“What did you do with Dashie, Twilight?” asked Pinkie Pie in an unhappy way.
“I put her in the castle dungeons, Pinkie Pie,” replied Nightmare Sparkle.
“Get her out of the dungeon, Twilight!” shouted Pinkie Pie.
“I’m not going to do that,” said Nightmare Sparkle. “You will all go to the dungeons.”
Nightmare Sparkle carried her magic and made a glow occur. Everyone in the room had to close their eyes because the brightness was so strong. When the glow disappeared, the mares, princesses and Shining Armor were no longer in place. Nightmare Sparkle smiled before walking again. “Now, I must return to my castle.”
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Great chapter. There was three errors.
1) Rainbow Dash got angry. She punched Nightmare Sparkle’s cheek, resulting in turning red. Nightmare Sparkle screamed before putting her right front hull on her cheek.
The 'hull' should be hoof.
2) “It’s basically Nightmare with Twilight Sparkle along,” replied Celestia.
It should be "Nightmare Sparkle is Nightmare in Twilight's body." Celestia replied.
And 3) Rainbow flew to Nightmare Sparkle. “We will recover Twilight from its hooves. You will see!”
The "recover" should be "free" and "its" should be "your".
And I have a suggestion for the next chapter: As Nightmare Sparkle summons the nightmare forces to Equestria from the moon, the ponies and Spike in the dungeon (I think they're in the dungeons in Nightmare Sparkle's castle) become not only scared, but determined to make this right and free Twilight from Nightmare's grip (Pinkie Pie, feeling sadness and regret for Twilight becoming Nightmare Sparkle, becomes Pinkamena again). From seeing Nightmare Sparkle for the first time, Shining Armor feels scared as he was when he first heard of her. Meanwhile, after the Nightmare forces arrived, Nightmare Sparkle makes herself armor. The armor will be like Nightmare Moon's, only dark purple and have a six pointed star instead of a crescent moon on the chest part.
9979500
I fixed. Thanks
Well, Twilight's friends, the princesses, Spike and Shining are trapped in the dungeon of Canterlot Castle, not Nightmare Sparkle's Castle. Your suggestion of Pinkie becoming Pinkamena and Shining Armor getting even more scared is good, i just not sure if I'll use it in the story. Now, about Twilight wearing armor, maybe I put it on because I was already planning, but I can't say that she will wear one hundred percent, but I'll give you a warning if Nightmare Sparkle gonna use armor : Maybe I don't wear that armor color you suggested, because if I use it will be another color, but thanks for the suggestions. I'm enjoying the help you are giving to me
9979520
Okay. Glad I'm able to help.
9979189
Oh boy.
If you would make a confrontation story on that picture (think Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Confrontation; but with Twilight in Dr. Jekyll's place and Nightmare Sparkle in Mr. Hyde's), that would work.
9979578
Hm. I didn't think about that. I not sure if I will. But I wanted to warn you that I am going to change where the dungeon they will be being held will be instead of being in Canterlot will be in the castle of Nightmare Sparkle.
9979596
Okay.
Someone made a picture of Twilight and Nightmare Sparkle standing face to face in darkness, Twilight crying and Nightmare Sparkle grinning evilly at her. That's what made me think of that Confrontation idea.
nice work on both chapters
9979613
camo.fimfiction.net/j7zS1JmBr0FR6jdFNE2JCtCa-pt67xNMWLA73F_cVBI?url=https%3A%2F%2Fimages-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com%2Ff%2F0dc02c39-4b72-4d5f-9dc5-6765f676cfd9%2Fddlvv4e-d08d9ebc-d60e-472b-abec-eb2fda3fcb6f.png%2Fv1%2Ffill%2Fw_1131%2Ch_707%2Cq_70%2Cstrp%2Ftwilight_and_nightmare_sparkle_by_shirtmechanic_ddlvv4e-pre.jpg%3Ftoken%3DeyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTIwMCIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzBkYzAyYzM5LTRiNzItNGQ1Zi05ZGM1LTY3NjVmNjc2Y2ZkOVwvZGRsdnY0ZS1kMDhkOWViYy1kNjBlLTQ3MmItYWJlYy1lYjJmZGEzZmNiNmYucG5nIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTE5MjAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.EWyzwdTxg-AExK_en_VeNUm6hypJlmDajkKHV0osTF0
I found this picture in a comment of my story
9979636
Yes. That's the one I'm talking about.
kitsune_shadow, You put the same comment twice.
9979761
ok
So, chapter 5 is in progress?
9981564
Yes. I already wrote a little. But at the moment I have to think how it will be
9981578
Okay.
When can we expect a new chapter?
New chapter today?
9988086
Sadly, no
After this story do one where rainbow dash becomes nightmare moons host. Always wanted to see rainbow dash be the nightmare.
And errors here.
“But how did Twilight become that?” asked Luna. “What made her accept for Nightmare to take care of her body?”
the 'care' should be 'control'.
Same thing with: “But it was my mistake that gave Nightmare the opportunity to take care of Twilight’s body.” said Celestia.
And: “How many times will I have to say?” asked Nightmare Sparkle, already starting to get impatient with the pegasus. “How will you use the Harmony Elements without Twilight? It represents the strongest and rarest element of all.”
It should be: “How many times do I have to say this?” asked Nightmare Sparkle, already starting to get impatient with the pegasus. “How will you use the Elements of Harmony without Twilight? She bearers the Element of Magic. And without her, the Elements won't work.”
10028011
Fixed
Good story so far but i'm noticing errors when you mention Nightmare Sparkle's gender pronoun you keep calling her "him or his" instead of "she or her". I've read the story from the beginning to now and not at one point did you tell me that when the Nightmare possessed Twilight that it changed her gender plus at the end of the last chapter you called her "Queen" not "King". So please either rewrite the story to include the Nightmare gender changing Twilight or please go over your story with a fine tooth comb and fix the gender pronouns when talking about Nightmare Sparkle from "he, him,and his" to "she and her" I'll re iterate i really like this story but for the past 3 or 4 chapters i've noticed you using incorrect gender pronouns.
10237057
I'll fixed it