Chapter Twenty-Three
Choices Made
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When she was in high school, Rainbow’s grandfather had died. She had always liked him, but he lived in another town and so they usually only saw each other on holidays. She remembered the last time she had seen him, on Thanksgiving. They laughed about how they’d see each other again for Christmas, and then in between, he’d had a heart attack.
Rainbow had gone to the hospital with her parents afterwards, and she had seen his body. It had given her a lot to think about. About her grandfather, about her relationship with him, about mortality, about seeing her dad crying so openly, about the bonds of family.
Then she moved on with her life. A little sadder than before. Holidays felt a little emptier. But she was a teenager, and he had never been in the best of health. She had always heard about the five stages of grief, but she couldn’t relate at all. For Rainbow, her grandfather’s passing was always something she accepted, from the moment her mom told her about it.
But even as her life continued, she thought about that day. Not all the time. But sometimes at night, she’d lie in bed and think about the last time she’d seen her grandfather. It was the first and last time she had seen a dead body, and it had given her a lot to think about.
Another thing she’d always heard was people looked like they could be sleeping when they were dead. It made sense. She’d seen people sleeping, and sometimes they could be really still.
But she didn’t think that about her grandfather. He didn’t look like he was sleeping, he looked like he was dead. Maybe it was just because she knew he was, but there was no feeling that he might get up at any moment, no thought that he might roll over. There was a stillness to him that was beyond sleep.
Fluttershy looked like that now. There was a recurring beep that informed Rainbow and everyone else in the room that she was still alive, but that was it. To Rainbow, she looked so much like her grandfather had. A stillness beyond sleep.
There were some things that were just impossible to get used to. It was the third time that Rainbow was standing over Fluttershy while she was unconscious on a hospital bed, and it was even more horrifying than the first two.
The first time, she had been in shock. But even when it took Fluttershy a week to wake up, Rainbow had never lost faith. Fluttershy would wake up. The world would not take her best friend from her. That just wasn’t how things worked.
The second time had been the easiest. It had been terrifying, of course, but Fluttershy was only out for twenty minutes. And that time, she really had looked just like she was sleeping.
This time, everything felt different.
“Shy, please…” Rainbow wiped away her tears. “I can’t do this without you…”
She had said it so much, and she wasn’t even sure why. It wasn’t like Fluttershy could hear her. But if she said nothing, if she did nothing, then she was just sitting by while Fluttershy lay there, looking still beyond sleep.
So she pleaded. Time and again, she asked Fluttershy to come back to her. Even if her words fell on deaf ears, even if there was nothing she could do to help, she pleaded as if that would be what brought Fluttershy back to her.
No one else said anything. Maybe they knew Rainbow needed to try. Maybe they were desperate enough to hope it could work. Maybe they just didn’t have the words to tell her it was pointless. The others were there, and they did nothing to stop her.
“Wake up, Shy. Come back to me…”
The door behind them opened up, but Rainbow didn’t look. Not when she heard the footsteps, not when she heard the voice. “We’ll need some of you to wait in the waiting room.”
“What?” Rainbow said meekly. It took another moment for the words to sink in, then she finally turned away from Fluttershy.
“I’ll go,” Flash said. “Everyone else here is probably closer to Shy.”
“I’ll go too,” Gilda said. “Dash should stay.”
“How many people can wait in here with her?” Windfall asked.
“No,” Rainbow said. “No! Shy needs all of us! We’re her family!”
Everyone looked at Rainbow, but it was Lighting who walked up to her. She put her hand on Rainbow’s shoulder, then changed her mind and pulled her into a hug. “Dash, Shy needs to rest… We’re all worried about her, but… we’re not doing her any favors, you know?”
“No.” Rainbow shook her head and felt tears welling up again. “No, we can’t just leave her, she’s going to wake up and we all need to be here when she does.”
“Dash…” Lemon Zest gave her a pitying look. “You’re the one who needs us… How about me and Dust stay with you?”
Rainbow shook her head. “But Shy…”
There was a noise from behind Rainbow, and all eyes turned to look. Just a little murmur, but Rainbow filled with hope.
She took hold of Fluttershy’s hand and bent over the bed to be as close to her as she could. “Fluttershy? Can you hear me?”
“Rain…bow…?”
Rainbow couldn’t help but let out a sob in relief, her tears falling on her hands clutching Fluttershy’s. “Shy… you’re awake…”
“Mmm…” Fluttershy blinked a few times, and her eyes pointed in Rainbow’s direction without seeming to focus.
The doctor walked through the crowded room to get to Fluttershy. He spoke directly and clearly. “Can you hear me?”
“Yes…”
The doctor asked questions that Fluttershy answered to the best of her ability. Even if she was conscious again, she still sounded very out of sorts. They established things like her ability to move all her limbs and how her vitals were.
“I’ll give you all some time together,” the doctor said as he finished. “But we really don’t want to crowd Miss Fluttershy right now.”
He left, and everyone immediately made their way to Fluttershy’s side. They all must have had the same questions, but no one spoke at first.
Eventually it was Lemon Zest that broke the silence. “So… how are you feeling?”
“Shitty,” Fluttershy grumbled, then she smiled at everyone. “But I’m glad you’re all here.”
“You know, we’re all here if there’s anything you need to talk about,” Windfall said.
“I know.” Fluttershy closed her eyes. “I’m just glad to be here right now though.”
“Let’s lay off the heavy discussion for now,” Rainbow suggested. “Right now, all that matters is that Shy’s safe.”
“And that nothing like this happens again,” Lightning said. “So what do we need to do, Shy? Just say the word, and we’ll fix it.”
Fluttershy’s eyes were half-lidded and she looked like she might fall back asleep at any moment. “I… I need to be on the tour.” Fluttershy’s eyes shot open. “The tour! You shouldn’t be here.”
Rainbow bowed her head, knowing that Fluttershy wouldn’t like what she had to say.
With a sigh, Gilda broke the news. “We cancelled the show. Figured we could add a stop in this city on the end of the tour to make up for it.”
Fluttershy groaned. “You shouldn’t have done that…”
Rainbow bowed her head. “How do you expect us to play when you’re in here? Just think about how we would feel if you died while we were playing a show!”
Fluttershy reached out to brush her hand against Rainbow’s cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“Let’s not give her a hard time tonight,” Lemon Zest said softly.
Of course, Lemon Zest was right. Rainbow knew that. But now that Fluttershy was awake, Rainbow couldn’t help it. She was angry. She didn’t want to be, she knew Fluttershy didn’t need that right now, but she was. She shook her head and looked up with tears in her eyes, holding back the anger as much as she could. “This was on purpose, wasn’t it?”
Fluttershy pulled her hand back, but she didn’t answer.
“I saw the pill bottle. What were they, Shy?”
Fluttershy closed her eyes. “Sleeping pills.”
Lightning put her hand on Rainbow’s shoulder. “That’s enough, Dash.”
Rainbow just brushed it off. “Did you even think about us? About me? About what we would feel like when we found you?”
“Yes…” Fluttershy muttered. “I just… I wanted to stop hurting. I’m tired, Dashie. I’m so tired…”
“Let her rest for now, Dash,” Gilda said harshly.
Fluttershy looked up at Rainbow. “I regretted it, though. As soon as I took all those pills, before I passed out. I thought about you and everyone, and…” Fluttershy blinked a couple times as tears formed in her eyes. “I wanted to stay with you.”
Rainbow took hold of Fluttershy’s hands. “Just… don’t do that again…”
Fluttershy gave a few short sharp nods.
The door behind them opened, and a nurse stepped in. “We’re gonna need to ask you all to clear the room. Now that the patient’s awake, we have some tests we’d like to run.”
“They can’t stay?” Fluttershy asked meekly.
“Afraid not. At least not everyone.”
The group talked amongst themselves and decided that Rainbow and Lemon Zest would wait behind while everyone else cleared out. They didn’t go back to the hotel, though; they waited in the waiting room, deciding to take turns with Fluttershy.
Everyone filed out, including the nurse. He said he’d be back with the doctor, so it was briefly just the three of them.
Rainbow pulled up a chair to sit beside Fluttershy, but Lemon Zest remained standing. She shifted nervously on her feet, before finally asking, “Uhm, is this my fault?”
“Oh, Zesty, no…” Fluttershy gave a weak smile. “This had nothing to do with you.”
Lemon Zest looked unsure. “Then why now…?”
Fluttershy turned away. “I was… afraid. Of going back to Everton, of not being needed by anyone anymore.”
“Shy, we still need you,” Rainbow said. “You’re our friend. You’re my sister. How could you ever think we’d be okay without you?”
“It just felt like you didn’t want me around.” Fluttershy stared at the ceiling. “Like I was just a burden to everyone these days.”
“That’s not true,” Lemon Zest said. “We really thought taking some time off would be good for you.”
“Maybe it would be, but…” Fluttershy shook her head. “I just can’t. I need to be doing something, I… I need to be with you all.”
Rainbow searched for something to say, but the doors opened and the doctor and nurse came back in. Not wanting to talk about sensitive topics in front of them, she and Lemon Zest just moved out of their way.
Rainbow watched, thinking of how frail Fluttershy looked. Thinking of how close they had come to losing her. She was alive, but if things had happened just a little bit differently… They told her if she had landed on her back when she fell, then she might have wound up drowning in her own vomit when her body rejected the pills she took.
And there was part of Rainbow who couldn’t help but keep remembering the way her grandfather looked. The way Fluttershy had looked. Sure, she was moving around now, but it was hard to shake that memory of how still she had been, hard to feel confident that she’d be okay after something like that.
She felt a hand wrap around hers and looked over at Lemon Zest. One look was all it took to tell that she wasn’t the only one with those thoughts. Fluttershy was her sister, but she wasn’t the only one who felt like that these days. The band was their family, and that family had been shaken.
Rainbow cupped her hand around Lemon Zest’s and hoped that somehow things could someday be normal again.
“How’s it feel to be back?” Rainbow asked.
Fluttershy leaned on Rainbow as they walked, still feeling ill even a day later. But somehow, she still smiled. “It feels good. I’m glad to be back.”
They walked through the backstage area. The hospital had been reluctant to let her go, but they had been adamant – the band wasn’t leaving without her, and they couldn’t miss another show.
Rainbow helped Fluttershy to a chair, which she sat down in. She seemed exhausted, but she still smiled. She was always smiling, ever since she got out of the hospital.
Rainbow sat down beside her, and Fluttershy gave her a strange look. “You have a soundcheck to do.”
“In a minute,” Rainbow said. Something told her to stay by Fluttershy’s side right now, although she wasn’t sure what. The others were all getting ready for the soundcheck, so it was just the two of them.
“You don’t have to worry about me,” Fluttershy said with a smile. “I’ve made my choice.”
“What do you mean?”
“To live,” Fluttershy said. “To stay with you. I chose this.”
Rainbow wasn’t exactly sure that was true, but she liked the fact that Fluttershy was feeling dedicated to fighting. “We’re going to need to change things.”
“Yes,” Fluttershy said. “We are, aren’t we?”
“I talked to the band. We all agreed no more alcohol backstage.”
Fluttershy nodded slowly. “I think… I think that sounds good.”
“And… Well, Short Fuse suggested it, and we all agreed… When we get back to Everton after the tour, maybe you should use that time to try some therapy.”
Fluttershy turned away, then sighed. “Yeah. You’re probably right. After the tour, I’ll look into it.”
Rainbow shifted uncomfortably. “It’s just, you know, none of us are experts.”
Fluttershy nudged Rainbow lightly. “I said I’ll do it, Dashie. But I understand.”
Rainbow smiled, happy that at least some good might come from this. “Hey, Shy?”
“Yeah?”
“You know we all love you, right?”
Fluttershy leaned against Rainbow. “Don’t tell me you’re going soft on me.”
Rainbow laughed, then put her arm around Fluttershy. “Just for you.”
Fluttershy took a deep breath and sighed, though she didn’t seem unhappy. “I love you too. All of you.”
“So what do we do from here?”
“Well, you go do your soundcheck, and I call around to try and schedule a replacement concert for the one you all cancelled.”
Rainbow shook her head. “Not just that. Like… how do we, you know, pick up the pieces?”
Fluttershy was quiet for a moment, then she said, “With help from each other.”
Rainbow nodded, then stood up. “Guess we better get to work.”
Fluttershy was already pulling out her phone. “Yeah.”
Rainbow took a step away, then stopped. She turned back to Fluttershy. “Hey, Shy… you’ll tell me if you feel like doing something like that again, right?”
Fluttershy rolled her eyes. “Yes, Dashie.”
“I’m serious!”
“So am I.” Fluttershy pushed herself up, even though she looked unsure on her feet. She stumbled just a bit as she took a step towards Rainbow. “I’ll talk about it more.”
“I just want you to be happy again.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “You know I haven’t been happy for a long time, right?”
“I know.” Rainbow bowed her head, then lifted it with a smile. “But hey, if anyone’s awesome enough to make you happy again, it’s me, right?”
Fluttershy giggled. “Definitely. Until then, it’s just one day at a time. Just like it’s always been.”
Rainbow really wanted Fluttershy to live life more than one day at a time, but she realized that she couldn’t expect that for some time. “Yeah. Sounds good.”
Fluttershy hugged Rainbow, and when she spoke, her voice was filled with uncertainty. “Uhm, can we talk later? About… Sunset, and Sky, and just… everything I’ve been feeling?”
It was always a short conversation when Sunset came up, and Sky never came up. Rainbow hugged Fluttershy tightly, knowing she wouldn’t speak about them lightly. “Of course we can.”
Fluttershy nodded and pulled away. “Thanks, Dashie. Now go get to work.”
Rainbow grinned. “Yes, ma’am.”
She took a step away, but she was stopped by Fluttershy’s voice. “Love you, Dash.”
Rainbow had never been comfortable telling anyone she loved them, even her parents. But if this experience had taught her anything, it was that she needed to get comfortable with things like that. “Love you too, Shy.”
Fluttershy waved her off and returned to her seat, where she focused on her phone. Rainbow turned to head out to the others, but she was stopped once again by Fluttershy.
“Uhm…” Fluttershy stood up again and put away her phone, following after Rainbow. “I think the calls can wait a little. I’d rather watch your soundcheck. You know, like we used to do when you were first starting out.”
Rainbow grinned, remembering that first tour. Fluttershy had insisted she be there for every single soundcheck. “Sounds good.”
She helped Fluttershy as far as the stage, where the others all lit up when they saw her. “Hey, Shy!” Windfall said with a grin. “Good to see you up and about.”
Lemon Zest hopped off her seat and made her way out from behind the drum set to run up to Fluttershy. “Should you be here, though? I mean, I’m happy to see you, but shouldn’t you be resting?”
Gilda nudged Lemon Zest out of the way to put her arm around Fluttershy. “Nah, Shy’s tough!”
Fluttershy giggled. “I just want to watch.”
“Shy!” Lightning Dust called from the crowd. She was standing there with Flash. “Get your ass over here already so they can fucking start!”
Fluttershy beamed and waved at them. Flash made his way to the stage and gave her an arm to lean on as she made her way into the crowd.
Rainbow looked around at her band. “So we ready?”
“Yeah, let’s do it,” Windfall said. He passed Rainbow her guitar, and she slung it over her shoulder.
Gilda played a few notes on her bass, then Rainbow took her spot between her and Windfall as Lemon Zest ran back behind her drum set. “We all ready?”
Rainbow flashed her a thumbs up, so Lemon Zest tapped her drumsticks together to count them in. Rainbow looked out at the crowd and saw Fluttershy was sitting in between Flash and Lightning Dust. They both seemed more interested in Fluttershy than the band.
But Fluttershy? She was beaming directly at Rainbow. Their first fan, their manager, their friend, and their sister. Fluttershy’s voice would never be the loudest when she cheered them on, but she would always be the most important.
Rainbow grinned, stepped up to the microphone, and she started to play.
Fantastic as always! I'm glad Shy is finally starting to work towards healing. And don't think I missed that "In pieces/Piece by Piece" reference. Looking forward to the epilogue and seeing how things go from here!
10353023
Thank you, and thanks for the regular comments as you read through this story. It really means a lot to me And hehe I couldn't resist throwing in a small reference
Sometimes healing is just getting through the day.
As always - nicely done.
10353093
I can definitely relate to this statement. Thank you., glad you enjoyed it!
This is a good start. Fluttershy made the choice to live, and she seems happier for it. Hopefully therapy will be good for her. She needs the support system, and hopefully she'll find happiness somewhere along the lines.
10353161
Yeah, it took a lot to get Fluttershy to this point, but now that she is she has a chance of things getting better. Glad you liked it!
i'd love to joing your discord server. will there be a sequel to this eventually
10353199
The link to join was right in the description Here it is again!
This is just one small part of my Who We Become series, which will include all these characters again. So short answer is yes, this will have a sequel. I've actually been toying with the idea of doing a one shot called Coda which will be several months after this, in Everton after the tour. It would show Shy going to therapy as well as touch in on Shy and Lemon Zest's friendship and where they are with each other. Not sure if/when I'll do that, but it's an idea!
You absolutely need to do that. You also have some things to come clean about, but just getting your feelings and perspective out into the open will do a lot.
10353252
This is true, and it's probably gonna involve some things Rainbow needs to hear
10353258
Yeah, it's probably going to hurt some, for both of them, but she is going to have to if she wants to sort out the tangled mess their friendship has ended up as. And given Fluttershy's needs right now, her and Rainbow being on the same page is very important.
10353258
The really ironic thing right now? The person who could help Fluttershy the most right now is Sunset. Or at least a person like the person Sunset is growing into. Both because she's been there, and because she both understands and can still push Flutters to do the things she needs to but doesn't want to, because she'd rather avoid anything that tastes of conflict.
And Fluttershy herself is the one who made it so that can't happen.
Bit of a scare at the start there but it’s nice to see it end on a happy note.
Now what am I gonna do on my Sunday evenings?
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Well I've got another story coming out at the same time next Sunday, so I have an idea of what you could do
Now that was a great last chapter glad to see fluttershy on the mend it may take awhile but like the saying goes time heals all wounds but it doesn't say how long. The talk with rainbow about sky and sunset will be interesting, hope to read an epilogue and looking forward to your next story
10353707
There is an epilogue coming, but lips are sealed on what it's about Glad you enjoyed the story and the ending
Glad to see things ended alright on the human side for once, though I can't help but feel like things aren't entirely resolved for Fluttershy just yet. But I guess that's how things go, isn't it? Issues aren't resolved in a single big moment, but this is an important first step towards her getting better.
Also, I do wonder what was up with the Sirens. We never really found out what exactly they were looking for, and their sudden disappearance seemed kind of fishy. And for some reason, I can't help but wonder where human-Sunset is in all this. We haven't seen anything about her since the end of Looking Glass, and my brain can't help but connect those two plot threads together.
I'm excited to see what comes next, whatever form that might take. This series has been one of my favorite on the site since I first started reading it, and for all the darker moments throughout, I've really enjoyed the more realistic look at the sensitive topics that we've gotten from it.
Oh my gosh; YEEEES!!
It's happening, WOOOHOOO!!
A character is going to get professional psychological help and take it seriously.
I know that this story is about both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash as kinda joint primary characters and even though there is a pretty even split between chapters from either perspective, I can't help feel that Fluttershy is the 'true' main character. With that in mind, it's great to reflect on how far Rainbow has come in this (in fact it's a little like 'by blood or by choice').
I liked the comparison with Rainbows Grandfather's death. Well perhaps 'liked' is the wrong word?
It felt fitting and made me sad.
So well done. Truly, every death hits you in a different way.
Looking forward to the epilogue and then even more 'Who We Become'.
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Fluttershy's still got a ways to go yeah, but at least she's on the right path now. I'm thinking of doing a follow-up story to this one called Coda that touches base on Fluttershy going to therapy and stuff, but unfortunately I didn't have that idea in time to have it ready for next week, so no telling when that'll happen.
The sirens and human Sunset are coming back, I've got big plans for both of them Maybe sooner than you expect...
I'm glad you enjoy my stories so much, and I hope you'll enjoy the next one. It's a pretty fun one about TwiShySet and Spike on a road trip. Just six chapters, a little thing to provide some levity after the drama.
10354112
Ye, ever since I myself went to therapy for depression I've been more interested in showing proper health care for mental health stuff. And I agree that this is more about Fluttershy than Rainbow, but I'm glad you enjoyed Rainbow's role in it
Rainbow's grandfather's death drew from aspects of the death of my dad and my great grandma, so I suppose that's why it works so well; I knew what I was talking about in it. A lot of this stuff comes from my life in different ways, so it's cool to see it's paying off and people are responding well.
Thank you for all the comments along the way, and I hope you'll enjoy what's to come just as much
I feel like it will be onwards and upwards for Shy now! 🖤
You asked for comments so here is my thoughts. It's a great story told well and I'm very much looking forward to when/if a new entry in the universe takes up this Fluttershy's story. I do want to say however having delt with many people of various levels of romance desire and sexuality Lemon Zest and Fluttershy could have possibly had a relationship.
As long as both were up front about what they do and can or can not feel and want there was possibly enough overlap in Fluttershy's needs and Lemon's comfort/happiness that there could have been something. While obviously never romantic or sexual Fluttershy didnt seem to need those past cuddling at least from Lemon to be happy.
I'm not saying things could definitely have worked I just wish they would have talked about it maybe even tried. There are pure friendships out there stronger than most marriages. Sometimes the friends growing old together and taking care of each other and something in that vein may have worked for them.
10493287
I don't disagree, and I'm well aware of queerplatonic relationships and what those can be like. But basically, things came up too late in the story for them to explore that. What I mean is like, this is all new to them. Lemon Zest mentions to Rainbow that she didn't even know what the words asexual and aromantic meant, so she likely wouldn't know about those kinds of relationships, and it's not something Fluttershy is knowledgable on either. I have long term plans for these characters, and while I'm not saying what'll happen for them, queerplatonic relationships are something that'll exist in this series.
As for a future story with Fluttershy, it'll be coming out on (checks calendar) January 17. It's called Coda, and it's a five-chapter followup to everything that happened to Fluttershy in this story. That includes following up on what's going on with Shy and Lemon Zest Meanwhile, I'll be posting a different story between now and then that focuses on Sunset, Twilight, and (pony) Fluttershy in Equestria and what's next for them.
I felt the same when losing both of my grandfather in a span of 4 months.
Sometimes you need to make tough sacrifices for those you love.
Of course.
Only time will tell.
Good.
Mhm.
Was a little worried how this chapter was going to end, but glad to see it end on a positive note.
And now, there's some calm and hope that things will finally start to get better.
Well, as always the journey ends here.
So, first things first, wow, this story definitely is something, indeed the mood I picked up from the start wasn't a lie, I enjoyed my read though, had some moments here and there, that reminded me of myself, the message of the story that I got, is Healing is rough, can it take A very long time for the pain and hurt to disappear, but if there's one thing that heals wounds. its time, I had my fair share of healing that took me months to move on from, and I did get close, but like futtershy I had made my choice.
2ndly I want to say that I am still sad we never heard from sonata again, but I guess I will have time to move on From it lol,
And last but not least, amazing story, the more I read WWB the more excitement I feel, mixed with depression lmao, i will be looking forward to seeing what comes next, and I wonder what shell come in the future stories, so far this is a close 2nd favourite but I still have many more to pick from :)
Onto the next adventure!
11670871
It makes me extremely glad to hear that you enjoyed this, and especially that you picked up on the themes so well re: healing being a process and not an easy one. I hope you'll continue to enjoy this series, and I eagerly await to hear your thoughts on the next story!
Don't like where this is going, haha c_c;;;
Right in the owie place ;_;