Monday, Part 1
Over her years as Princess Celestia’s personal student, Sunset Shimmer had become familiar with the idea of a region of contamination, where invisible dangers could infect those who entered and linger on long after they had left the area. Dark magics could taint places where their practitioners gathered. Now, as she sat safe once again on the steps of Canterlot High, she could take stock of the situation.
“Sunset, remember to give me your burner phone.”
What could be said for dark magic could be said for hacking. This had been Sunset and Twilight’s second trip to a hacker convention, and it had at least gone better than their first. They’d used the first weekend of their vacation week well, in Sunset’s opinion.
“At least I didn’t set it on fire this time. I thought the name was literal.”
Twilight accepted the proffered nondescript black phone, a cheap rectangle of plastic and glass whose style was copied from a more respected manufacturer. “I can’t believe you didn’t get seriously injured breathing that stuff in.”
Sunset shook her head. “I didn’t breathe any of it in, the smoke just parted around me. Must have been a really lucky breeze.”
“Yeah, but let’s not gamble with your health again. We don’t want to see if the hospital takes gold coins as payment, or checks, or, well, you know.”
Sunset looked around. “Yeah, I know.”
“Now, Sunset. Checklist! You didn’t log into any of your normal accounts with this, did you?”
“No.”
“You didn’t use any other phone while you were there, right?”
“I didn’t even bring my real phone.”
“Good. Any other electronic devices? Video games? Wireless headphones?”
“No. Not even a cheap watch.”
“Good. You didn’t use anyone else’s computer while you were there?”
“Good grief no.”
“You didn’t plug this into any of the USB chargers they had scattered about?”
“I’m not dumb, Twilight.”
“I know, but I have to check. One little mistake can have big consequences! Now remember to move the stuff you won to your real account once you get back home.”
Twilight narrowed her eyes to lecture further, but Sunset grabbed her arm and pointed. She’d spotted someone approaching from the direction of the former statue’s pedestal. It was Muffins again, wearing the postal outfit. Sunset didn’t need to see which eye drifted to know which one it was.
“Letter for Sunset Shimmer!” Sunset took the envelope. It had no stamp, instead marked with a variation of the Great Seal of Equestria, making it the seal of a government department she didn’t recognize. She squinted at the ornate lettering in the borders.
“What is it?” Twilight leaned in.
“It’s from the EUP.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s kind of like our military I guess. Except it doesn’t get much of a budget.”
“Why not?”
“Eh, no long wars I guess.”
Sunset opened the letter. She read it, face immobile other than the eyes. After reaching the last line, she became completely still.
“Sunset!” Twilight grabbed her, barely restraining panic.
“It’s a draft notice.”
“Princess Celestia!” Sunset’s shout opened the doors for her before she could slam them open as the pony stomped forward through the halls of Canterlot Castle. Guards looked from one to another as if silently daring the others to stop her. None took the opportunity.
“What the hell is the meaning of… this?” Sunset’s anger failed her for a moment as she beheld the throne room. The throne itself was empty, Celestia was nowhere to be seen, and Twilight and her friends were each sitting at tables going over paperwork.
“Oh, hey Sunset?” Twilight stood from her work, papers lifting in her magical aura to follow her head.
“Twilight!” Sunset’s anger returned at minimum power, having found a new target she wasn’t quite as willing to go all-in on. “Explain this.”
The draft notice hovered over to the Princess, who scanned it. “Under section three of the Basic Law of Equestria, the thrones have the power to raise an army, which has been held to confer the power to raise a draft under the appropriate enabling law. Therefore the EUP draft board is fully invested with the authority of the thrones to summon you for duty. Although I’m not sure why they’re summoning you for duty. There hasn’t been a draft in almost a century and I wasn’t notified of one. Nevertheless it is legal. Maybe you can ask when you get there for me? Oh. OOOH!”
“What?”
“It’s probably that thing I told them to handle. Shouldn’t be too big a deal if they took my suggestion to deal with it themselves. In the meantime, I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m here.”
“Yes, the thought did cross my mind briefly.”
“So Princess Celestia and Luna plan to retire at some point in the future. And they want me to be in charge! And my friends I mean.”
“What.”
“Yeah it kind of came out of nowhere, but they say we’re responsible for the world not being destroyed like a dozen times in the past decade. Which, uh, thanks to the time travel spell Starlight did I know is objectively true. So they think that makes us more qualified to rule than them.”
“What.”
“Also, Celestia gave me this nifty artefact that boosts my magic to allow me to control the sun and the moon! Take a look.”
“Wha…” Sunset looked. She could feel the power of the seemingly simple watch Twilight held deep inside her. It made the Alicorn Amulets look like toys.
Take it. It is your birthright. Control of the Sun should be yours. Your mark is the Sun, it is your destiny.
Wait, what the hell am I thinking? Sunset shook her head. I’m no princess. I can’t lead a country, and I sure as hell shouldn’t steal another artefact from Twilight.
Sunset stepped back, closed her eyes, and took a breath. She could feel the location of the watch, and the pull it exerted on her. She needed to get the hell out of here.
“Well, come to me if there’s anything you need help with. I have to get back to planning the Royal Swannifying Ceremony.”
Memories came to Sunset.
“I’m in charge of the ceremony, and I decide what we’re doing! I shall be the head swan! An alicorn looks a lot like a swan, and I’ll be one one day!”
Sunset ran, ducking under a furious feathery missile that slammed to the ground just in front of her. Her white feathered dress was in tatters and was being pulled apart by the three swans chasing her on foot.
She charged up her horn with a sparking cyan light. Blue flames burst in a ring around her, charring the carpet to ashes and melting the stone underneath. Blue glows from the swans directed the flames around them.
Why did they have to have water magic!
Back in the present, Sunset shuddered.
“We owe them an extra-nice ceremony. They put up more resistance to the Storm King’s army than the other three princesses, the entire royal guard, and the EUP put together. And then that year’s ceremony had its budget cut because of all the rebuilding! And they know all that!”
Celestia assigned the ceremony to me as a test. She wanted to see how I’d work with experts that weren’t her or me. And I totally blew it, not listening to them a bit. If she’s got Twilight in charge of it, it’s a test for her. And her friends I guess.
“Right. I’ll just head on over and see what’s up. I shouldn’t bother you unless there’s some major problem. Maybe I can get a student deferment when school comes up next week. I’ve already let m– our friends know I can’t make the rest of the week’s activities.”
“Ok, good.” Twilight’s face was now fully obscured by paperwork as an army of quills moved across it.
“I’ll just leave you to that I guess.” She hoped Twilight would do better than she did.
The EUP building was smaller than Sunset had expected. It looked like it had once been the corner of a fortress protecting the palace from threats coming up the mountain, but the rest of the fortress was long gone. It wasn’t hard to see why. Where the walls once continued sat some of the most valuable land in the entire country. In a time of budget cuts since the last war the land had been sold to meet a shortfall.
She knocked on the door and presented her letter, and was sent to an office on the second floor.
The door of the office read “Magus Corps Planning”. Sunset considered the proud history of the Magus Corps, immortalized in plays, books, and even film strips. She considered that almost all of the events so immortalized happened at least a century ago, and of the rest she couldn’t recall a single one taking place in the past half-century. She opened the door.
“Attention!” the aged greenish unicorn stallion behind the desk shouted, and Sunset snapped her hooves into position and her posture straightened involuntarily. “Still got it, I see. You must be Cadet Shimmer.”
She stepped into the dimly lit office. “Uh, I’m Sunset Shimmer, yeah.” The door closed behind her.
“Sir! You say ‘Sir, I’m Sunset Shimmer, sir!’ to me!”
Sunset wasn’t really feeling an argument just yet. She’d play along. “Sir, yes sir.”
“That sounded a little sarcastic.”
“Sir, sorry sir.”
“Good. Now, you’ve got that draft notice there. Why? A few days ago, we received a report from prognostication department that there was a fraying banishment spell. Thanks to all the data we’ve gotten lately from Princess Luna, the Crystal Empire, the Pillars of Equestria, and your efforts in the desert, we’ve been able to provide more accurate forecasts of these events.
“In approximately five days a sinister force will return to Equestria. We reported this to the palace, and were told, and I quote, ‘You’re the military, you deal with it.’ Also some things about swans were said, but they are not mission-relevant.”
“Ah, so Twilight delegated it to you, and you’re calling for reinforcements.”
“That is correct, soldier! The Magus Corps, due to budget cuts and competition from the private sector, currently consists of one planning officer and zero other members.”
“What.” I knew it was bad, but not that bad!
“As I am below the standards of regulation 413.98, ‘Magus Corps Personal Magic Standards’ I am unable to myself take the field. Also, due to the Anti-Corruption law of 1033 I may not offer you an officer’s commission as there are not adequate non-commissioned ponies to serve under you. You are instead entered as a chief master sergeant. Congratulations on that promotion, soldier!”
“Uh, thanks. Can I get a mission briefing, sir?”
“Of course! I was just getting to that, chief. What do you think this is, the office of not planning anything?”
His magic lit up in a dingy brown as a slide projector levitated down from a bookshelf somewhere in the gloom behind him. “About a thousand years ago Starswirl put one of his thousand-year-ish banishment spells on a creature threatening Equestria. It was a flying monster capable of adapting to the magic used against it, made of bitter cold itself. We called it the Ice Skate.”
Sunset Shimmer groaned inwardly. Humans, at least near the portal, didn’t go for puns nearly to the extent ponies did, and this cultural difference had gradually abated her pony affection for them.
“The Ice Skate is a ray-like creature made of magically animated and reinforced ice. It adapts to whatever magic is used against it. No spell can work on it more than a few times.”
Sunset nodded. “Why not get a bunch of cannons together and just blow it to bits?”
He shook his head. “I’d love to, but there’s two problems. First off, it’s a dodgy bugger, at least to hear Starswirl talk about it in his memoirs. Second, we don’t have nearly enough cannons. Budget’s been awful.”
“Starswirl! Where’s he on this?”
“Totally out of action. All of the Pillars are too far away to return in time, even if we did have magical relays set for them. Which we haven’t, for some reason.” He glared in the direction of what was probably whatever office was in charge of doing things like that.
“The Princesses?”
“Damn it to Tartarus, chief! I will not interrupt the first real vacation Celestia’s had in, uh, ever for this! We have to prove we can handle it!”
“OK.” Sunset nodded. “I understand the desire to prove yourself. Far too well. What do I have to work with?”
“I’m authorized to grant you all the available resources of the EUP!”
“Which are.”
“Uh, 175 bits in loose change, and access to our archives of spells.”
“Shouldn’t there be some troops in there somewhere?” Sunset tried not to glare.
“Uh.” He looked down and away. “I’m sorry, but all our actual soldiers are in use keeping installations up to their legally mandated defense strength.”
Sunset pressed a hoof against the aching part of her head, which seemed to be spreading to cover all of her face. “You mean to say Equestria barely has enough soldiers to keep its own bases guarded.”
“Yes.”
Sunset knelt so her other forehoof could join its partner. “Fantastic.”
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Well, good to know the Sun is supposed to be hers, even if she is going to fight that fact until she realises she isn't getting old.
As for this? Hope that spell archive is worth it. Also, good gravy, did Shining take all the budget and soldiers with him when he became Prince Consort of the Crystal Empire?!?
9841665
I don't recall the show ever being clear on what the Royal Guard actually is, but I see it as specifically the Princesses/Canterlot's forces, not Equestria as a whole. IIRC in the Crystal War timeline most of the ponies present are wearing less ceremonial uniforms. So it's a separate thing. I don't recall it ever showing up in the main timeline after Dash's exam, so I invented the budget crisis as an explanation.
*is drafted*
*is horse*
Sounds legit. >_>
First solution to come to mind: one shot, one kill. Probably reasonable for an alicorn-level caster specializing in fire, and Shimmy overqualifies for reasons the prequel elaborates on.
Second solution: What I've referred to before as "Operation Termina" for reasons that anyone familiar with the Legend of Zelda series will understand. Just drop the biggest rock you can find on it, which isn't directly hitting it with a spell so its anti-magic properties are irrelevant. Probably a last resort, but it will definitely work. (Remember, these are literally in the order I came up with them, so there might be aberrations like this)
Third solution: call in a full-grown dragon to punch it to death. Again, purely physical force by the time it hits, so its stated properties mean it loses.
Fourth solution: warn the human world military, then drop it within sortie range of an airbase. This particular human world may not have a Hulk, but it certainly has Avengers.
Ok, this and the prequel were pretty hilarious. Wonder how long until Sunset realized the truth.
So what you’re saying is, Sunset could literally take over Equestria with minimal effort. Good thing she’s past temptation at this point.
You're in the army now, Sunset!
This is going to be fun to watch, from a sufficient distance, I bet.
"Hey Starlight, could you take these ten bits, time-jump back 500 years, and stick them in a long-term high-interest investment for me? Momma's gonna need a budget."
Take the device, Sunset. It's your destiny. You know this to be true.
Also, burn the Ice Skate. Burn it! Or better yet, give it an ice rink. Maybe it needs a second skate? Could be lonely.
9842534
It'll melt long before it burns. And again, there are lots of things that Starswirl overlooked because they weren't spells. When in doubt, C4.
I mean, is she really a Master Chief if she's never walked out of a crashed aircraft?
In any case, you're all in for a treat with this one.
9842043
As long as she does it while Twilight and company are distracted by the Swanniversary.
9842897
Yep. Minimal effort.
9841927
Fifth option: Hack the ice skate. You probably need a halting problem/incompleteness theorem-like thing for spells for this to be feasible.
Oh, this is going to be FUN.
OMG. Did you just lable Sunset as the Masterchief?
9853575
Considering it's an actual rank in the military it's not really something you should just assume correlates to that reference... however in this instance, I think that's exactly what he's going for.
So, yes, Sunset is the Master Chief.
9853575
9906488
So yeah, this is a "subtle" Halo reference. John-117's rank is actually Master Chief Petty Officer, but that's a navy thing and I didn't want to invent a reason the Magus Corps were navy. So "Chief Master Sergeant" was my alternative, it's an Air Force rank of roughly equivalent grade. Since Sunset is canonically a gamer, this story is going to have a few video game references.
I like the idea that the military strength of Equestria is pathetic due to budgeting reasons rather than just incompetent ponies. Like a "HOI4: Equestria at War" situation rather than a "ponies have no earthly idea how to fight properly" situation. Sure, Celestia and Luna are monarchs, but even if they have no council or anything that limits their power, changing things so that you have a competent military with a populace who thinks they do not need it is... unwise. (The recent threats to Equestria seem to be fairly low-impact to the general public, and even so, the ponies have confidence that Twilight and co. can fix things.)
So... with that budget crisis Sunsets plan of conquering the country with an army of a high schools worth of brainwashed teenagers doesn't seem so improbable anymore. Good to know.
Well, let's see how this goes.
10303869
She still would have to deal with three Alicorns.
Yet they wonder why tempest curb stomped them
10401664 Who Tempest Shadow demonstrated could be taken down by quick action while they're still trying to negotiate a solution. She may not have had the misfortune malachite petrifaction bombs, but with the corrupted element of magic under her control, she would have had options, especially if she could shock them by telling them Twilight was dead.