• Published 8th Jul 2019
  • 888 Views, 50 Comments

New Chaotic Friends! - GMBlackjack



Discord feels like he doesn't have any truly chaotic friends, so he tries to find some. This effort goes horribly, terribly right.

  • ...
0
 50
 888

I - In Which Discord Makes Some Chaotic Friends

Discord's realm was decidedly less upside-down than usual, and this had Fluttershy concerned. She was more than a little relieved to see that the inside of his house didn’t look like ‘Normal McBoringsman’s Place’, but it wasn’t rotating, jumping, burping, or anything. It was just floating there in the rippling void, doing nothing special. Even the other islands around were doing nothing more than passive chaos as if he had just stopped stirring things up and let everything continue on its own.

How unlike him…

Fluttershy walked into the main house. Discord was sitting on the ceiling, lounging lethargically on the couch while a bunch of teakettles floated around him.

“Oh, hello Fluttershy,” he said, summoning a green, comfy chair and scooping Fluttershy up in it. “Tea. Yes, tea, have some tea.”

Fluttershy picked up her tea in her wings, taking a sip. It wasn’t singing, it wasn’t extra fruity, it was just… tea. She was pretty sure he didn’t even get a particular variety of tea and just created tea with a snap of his fingers. It tasted good, sure, but it tasted as though it were a variety of tea that had nothing special or distinctive about it.

It was tea.

Discord took a sip of his tea and munched on a cucumber sandwich before sighing loudly.

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. “...Discord…”

“Hm?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he said dismissively, slouching over the back of his couch like he was made of gelatin. He let out an exaggerated, punctual sigh.

“Discord…”

“Okay, fine, if you’re being so pushy, I’ll tell you.”

Fluttershy rolled her eyes. Same old Discord. “I’m always here to listen.”

“So I wanted to cause some chaos. Not the ‘conquer Equestria’ kind, the ‘find a random forest in the middle of nowhere and create a kingdom of gumdrop ants’ kind. Went out and did the whole thing and realized it was boring if there was only one kingdom. So I thought ‘Pinkie would like to create her own kingdom of candy bugs with my help’ so I went to find her. Turns out, she’s busy with some kind of cake competition. So I thought ‘somepony else must want to play gumdrop civilization chaos’.”

“And…?”

“And I couldn’t think of anypony.” Discord groaned, putting his hands on his face. “You would care about the bugs too much to appreciate the nuances of conflicting societies, Twilight would micromanage, Rainbow would just… be herself, Applejack wouldn’t get it, Starlight would find it boring, Trixie would want to be worshipped as a god, yada, yada, yada…” Discord grunted. “None of you really understand chaos. You make a good effort, Fluttershy, but you don’t…” He looked for the word. “If you were me you wouldn’t get enjoyment out of turning a mountain into a donut carousel.”

“I mean, it’s fun…”

“But would you think of it without me telling you?”

Fluttershy pondered this for a moment. “No. I’d probably create the cutest animals ever and populate the world with them.”

“Imagine what you’d all do if you were me…” Discord shivered. “Such a waste of chaos.”

“Except Pinkie?”

Discord nodded. “She gets it. Sort of. Like a… a caterpillar gets the idea of being a butterfly?”

“I get the metaphor, but isn’t that a little… mean to Pinkie?”

Discord smirked. “I call her worse things to her face when you’re not looking. You have no idea how much of a filter she has on her mouth when you’re around.”

Fluttershy thought about this for a moment. “Huh. I could see that.”

“I have a recording of her swearing like a sailor if y-”

“N-no thanks!” Fluttershy shook her head profusely. “I’m good!”

Discord shrugged, incinerating the tape. “Your loss.” He frowned. “So. That’s what’s up.”

“You’re lonely.”

“What? Lonely? Pfft, I-”

“Discord, can we… not spend five minutes beating around the bush?”

Discord frowned. “Bu-”

“If we’re going to fix your problem, we need to get you to realize there is one.”

Discord grunted. “Fiiiiiiine…”

“So. You’re lonely - specifically when you are in a chaotic mood. You need to find some chaotic friends you can share your time with. Some like-minded ponies!”

“Where am I going to find that in Equestria?

“Well… I don’t know. But we can go look! Right now, if you want. I’m sure we can find somepony if we look hard enough!”

Discord nodded slowly. “Fluttershy… have I ever told you you’re amazing?”

“A few times,” Fluttershy chuckled. “Come on, let’s ask Twilight first. The Princess of Friendship might have a few ideas!”

Discord rubbed his hands together. “And awaaay we go!” Instead of flash-teleporting away, he picked up Fluttershy and pulled out an umbrella. They blew through the wind away from Discord’s realm…

~~~

Twilight gave Discord and Fluttershy a scroll.

“...This is a list,” Discord pointed out.

Twilight nodded, grinning. “Yeah! Isn’t it great?”

“It’s a list.”

“Of potential candidates for chaotic friendships!” Twilight clapped her hooves together. “I went through everything I knew and tried to get you all sorts of different options. One of them is sure to work!”

“You sure?” Fluttershy asked.

Twilight blinked. “Well, as sure as I can be. I’m not psychic.”

“You could be,” Discord offered, creating a crystal ball.

“...Then why don’t you just make yourself psychic?”

“Boring. Too simple.”

“Ah, yes, the ‘chaos sabotages chaos’ theory in action. I’d love to tag along and see what messes you get into, actually, but I’m busy. Apparently, I need to help update the tax code in preparation for the crown. Yaaaaaaaay.” She groaned. “Apparently reality itself taxes Equestria for existing.”

“Oh, yes, that one’s a pain,” Discord chuckled. “I have to pay it too.”

“Really? How do you pay!?”

“Seeing as the chaos realm doesn’t have currency… pop cans.”

“Pop cans?”

“Pop cans money.”

“I…”

“Don’t try to figure it out,” Fluttershy said. “You can’t. Breathe, Twilight, breathe.”

Twilight twitched. “...I guess I’ll go deal with something more tangible then. Like taxes. That aren’t instated by reality!”

She teleported away.

“You’re responsible for that ‘reality’ tax, aren’t you?” Fluttershy asked.

“Indirectly. I offended the Stars once. Since I was technically king of Equestria at the time…”

“Let’s not worry about your past. Let’s find you a friend.”

~~~

“HELLO CHEESE SANDWICH!” Discord shouted, jumping out of a cake. “How would you like a one-way-ticket to chaos funville?”

“Oh, great goober gorilla gadzooks!” Cheese Sandwich shouted and started dancing. “The Lord of Chaos wants me to have some chaos funtime?”

Fluttershy pulled herself out of the cheesy cake, trying to get the goo out of her mane. “Er, yes. He’s looking for a chaos buddy.”

“I dunno about chaos… but I do know about cakes!” Cheese grinned. “I’m part of a great baking competition for the next week! You can help me if you want!”

“I… what?” Discord frowned. “Wait…”

“Hi, Discord!” Pinkie said, waving at him from atop her mountain-sized cake. “Fraternizing with the enemy?”

“You’re both on the cake competition?” Discord wailed.

“Yep! Cheese is going down.”

“Not with this beauty of a cake!” Cheese laughed.

“That Discord just destroyed.”

Cheese drooped. “Oh no!

Discord snapped his fingers and replaced the cake. “Fluttershy, what’s next on the list?”

“Um… Let me see here…”

~~~

Celestia lowered her teacup. “You’re asking me if I’d like to run a series of micro-civilizations with gumdrop bugs just to see what happens?”

“Well, it doesn’t have to be that,” Discord said, tapping his fingers together. “That was just what brought this on.”

“He wants a chaos friend and, well, Twilight had you near the top of the list.” Fluttershy smiled.

“Near the top…” Celestia furrowed her brow. “Not sure how to feel about that.”

Fluttershy smiled wryly. “Princess, all due respect, your love of pranks and messing with ponies is legendary.”

Celestia giggled. “I just can’t keep a lid on that, can I?”

“So what do you say?” Discord said, holding out a cinnamon roll made of miniature castles.

“Oh, sure.”

Discord pulled his fist down. “Yes!”

“Soon as I’m fully retired. I’ll have plenty of free time to engage in something like that then.”

Discord stared at her. “That’s… that’s still a ways away!”

“Discord, you’re immortal too, time is nothing to us.”

Discord slumped to the ground, forming a puddle of brown sludge.

Celestia smirked evilly. “Maybe you need to learn about patience, my little draconequus.”

“NEXT!” Discord declared, suddenly wearing a checkpoint officer’s uniform.

~~~

“Mah name’s Crazy Boot! And Ah like BOOTS!”

Discord stared at the old mule he and Fluttershy were talking to. “Do you like anything else?”

“What is there in the world besides BOOT? Everything would be better if it was a BOOT!”

“Would you like to make a bunch of bugs live in a boot?” Fluttershy suggested.

“ONLY IF THEY WERE ALSO BOOTS! Everything must be BOOT.”

“What kind of boot?” Discord asked.

“1543 leather brown Griffonstone silver-rimmed arcane-sheen BOOT!”

“That’s specific,” Fluttershy observed.

“IT IS BOOT!”

“Yeeeeah, not creative enough.”

~~~

“...And with your troops going ‘oooooom’ we could create an entire synthetic conversation about the chaotic candy and peace of the plants!”

Tree Hugger was snoring.

“I honestly don’t know why we bothered,” Discord grunted.

Fluttershy shrugged. “I think if you caught her on the day her red flowers bloom…”

“I need consistent chaos.”

“Picky.”

~~~

Discord appeared in a dank cavern in front of Ex-Queen Chrysalis. “There you are my buggy friend!” Discord clasped his hands together. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to find you?”

Chrysalis was clutching a purple log like it was her long lost child. “G-get away! I will not be captured!”

“What? Captured? I’m not here to capture you!”

Fluttershy nodded. “We’re just looking for friends.”

“NO FRIENDSHIP!” Chrysalis hissed. “It’s like a disease! Don’t you see, Discord, how it’s infected you?”

Discord raised an eyebrow. “Tirek already tried that on me. Sorta. Not buying it again.”

“Of course he did…”

“Do you know Tirek?”

“NO!” Chrysalis shouted. “DEFINITELY NOT!” She pulled her log closer. “It’s just me and Twilog.”

“Twi… log…?” Fluttershy cocked her head.

“None of your business! Get out of here and keep your disease-ridden forms away from me! FAR away!”

“Geez, spoilsport,” Discord folded his arms.

“I was really hoping for a possible reformation,” Fluttershy sighed.

“She clearly needs to devolve a little further into madness before we can do that.”

~~~

There was a glacier near the north pole spoken of only in legend… and in the background of Daring Do books so often that the readers were convinced it was some kind of foreshadowing.

In reality, A. K. Yearling hadn’t gotten around to storming the Northern Point because it was so stupid cold not even her adversaries dared to climb its faces. She was waiting for technology to catch up so such a mission wouldn’t be suicide.

Discord didn’t care about such things, teleporting right into the hollow center of the glacier. “Hellooo! Ancient spirit!”

“It’s cold in here…” Fluttershy shivered. Discord created her a thick coat, much to her satisfaction.

Who enters…?” a feminine, ethereal voice asked.

“Discord, Lord of Chaos!” Discord called, waving. “I hear you’re a great bringer of strife!”

A tall, wispy spirit composed of clouds and ice shards took shape before him. She was much larger than Discord, so tall she had to hunch in the icy cavern they were in. “I am the Queen of Wendigoes, birther of all who hunger for strife. I remember your rule. It was disappointingly low on hatred.”

“I don’t really do hatred, just chaos. Fun, you know?”

“I am well aware. What is your purpose in coming here?”

“Was wondering if you were in the mood for some small-scale chaos.”

The Wendigo Queen laughed. “Small scale? Why stop there. Together, we could drain this world dry! All that is frivolous would be discarded, and everything would enter a cold… perfect… death.”

“...I think she’s Pony of Shadows type evil,” Fluttershy said.

Discord sighed. “...Do I risk unleashing a plague of hunger and snow upon Equestria?”

“Probably a bad idea.”

“Yeah. Bah…”

“What? You were the one who wanted chaos!”

“I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but I am the Lord of Chaos, not Entropy. Kapeesh?”

“What in the name of Grogar does KAPEESH mean!?”

Discord shrugged. “It just is.” They teleported away, leaving the Wendigo Queen in her prison.

~~~

“This is a bad idea,” Starswirl said, finishing the final touches on his magic circle.

“Twilight suggested it,” Fluttershy pointed out.

“Has Twilight ever spoken with a Star?” Starswirl asked. “No? Then this is a bad idea.”

“I have spoken to a Star before…” Discord said. “Arcturus decided to converse with me while I was a statue for a time. He got a bit boring after a while, but it was better than just being stuck in stone.”

“Only you could call a conversation with a Star dull,” Starswirl muttered. He tapped his hoof on the circle. “I’ve contacted Rigel, as suggested on your list. Good luck.” The magic circle lit up… and suddenly the three of their minds shot into the void of space, looking up at a bright blue Star.

“AH, MORTALS! IT HAS BEEN SOME TIME SINCE ANY OF YOU CALLED - BY YOUR METRIC. TO ME IT WAS ONLY LAST WEEK WHEN YOU CALLED, STARSWIRL.”

“I am initiating contact on behalf of the Lord of Chaos, Discord. He has a proposition for you.”

“A PROPOSITION? THE MOST POWERFUL ENTITY ON YOUR WORLD THAT IS NOT OF US HAS SOMETHING FOR ME? NOT CANIS, NOT CAPELLA, BUT ME? OH, I HAVE TO SAY I AM QUITE INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU HAVE FOR ME, DISCORD!”

“It’s simple, really,” Discord said. “Playing chaos alone is no fun.”

“I SEE THROUGH TIME, IT CERTAINLY HAS NOT BEEN. ONE OF POWER WITH NONE TO SHARE IT WITH? AH, AND YOU’VE HAD QUITE THE QUEST ALREADY… YOU WANT ME TO BE YOUR FRIEND, DO YOU?”

“Yes!”

“AHAHAAHAHA! ME! A STAR! FRIENDS WITH A MORTAL? GIVE ME A BREAK!”

Discord drooped. “Oh.”

“No need to be so mean about it,” Fluttershy huffed.

“PATIENCE. I HAVE TAKEN PITY ON YOUR PLIGHT. I CAN, IF YOU WANT, CREATE A PARTNER FOR YOU. AN EQUAL. ANOTHER DRACONEQUUS - A WOMAN. I WOULD CALL HER ERIS. OH, I LIKE THIS IDE-”

“Uh, thanks, but no thanks,” Fluttershy said hurriedly.

Discord looked at her in surprise. “Why not?”

“Discord, think for five seconds. What would two draconequus’ fighting do?”

“Oh. Oh.

“IT WOULD BE QUITE THE TENSE ROMANCE WITH THE FATE OF THE WORLD IN THE BALANCE.”

“No romance!” Fluttershy waved her wings around. “Nice talking to you Rigel, but I think we don’t need your help.”

“IF THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK…”

They were ejected from the audience with Rigel. Then the magic circle exploded. They only survived because Discord protected them.

“Warned you,” Starswirl said, teleporting away.

~~~

Sunset Shimmer had just gotten out of last period when a draconequus appeared right in front of her - so tall he had to bend over just to fit in the hallway.

“DISCORD!?” Sunset shouted. “How… But…” She noticed that Fluttershy was standing next to him, in pony form. “What… Who… How…?”

“Just tell me where… Mister Discord is,” Discord said, smirking. “And then you can forget we existed.”

“Yeah,” Fluttershy said, yawning - she’d clearly been up a little too long. “Don’t worry about me…”

Human Fluttershy walked around the corner and let out a noise that was a mixture of a terrified gasp and a satisfied squee.

“Oh. Hi!” Fluttershy waved with her wing. “Nice to meet you. I’ll…” she rubbed her eyes. “...be right with you.”

Discord tapped Sunset’s forehead. “My counterpart?”

“Should be in the lab…”

Discord teleported himself and Fluttershy to the lab with little fanfare. Sitting in a chair across from them was a brown-skinned human with shades on his face. “I was wondering when you might show up.” He lowered his glasses, revealing red eyes. “My counterpart… come, we have much to discuss.”

“About what?” Discord asked.

“The nature of science, intelligence, and integrations between worlds.”

“...Oh no.”

Mister Discord raised an eyebrow. “Oh no what?”

“You’re a nerd.”

“I like to consider myself a scientist. Or freelance experimenter when you get me good and drunk.”

“This isn’t going to work,” Discord muttered.

Fluttershy yawned. “Yeah… hey, Mister Discord?”

“Yes?”

“How many experiments do you want to run on Discord here?”

“All of them.”

“Thought so…” She rubbed her eyes. “Next?”

“Actually, we’re getting you to sleep,” Discord said, folding his arms. “The list has been bunk.”

“I can stay up a li-”

“Fluttershy, you should have been in bed four hours ago.”

“O-oh…” Fluttershy shook her head. “You might have a point.”

“To bed!” Discord snapped his fingers, leaving his counterpart annoyed, disappointed, but not all that surprised.

“He is me, after all…”

~~~

Discord tucked Fluttershy into a bed made of clouds and miniature rabbits. When she was asleep he returned to his realm, arms folded.

“Well, that was a bust.” He lit the list on fire, never intending to look at it again. “Princess of Friendship my tail…”

He sat on his upside-down couch and let out a drawn-out breath of annoyance. “Chaos is doomed to be alone. But one molecule isn’t chaotic! It just… IS!”

“But we can do things!” another Discord said. “Just make some duplicates…”

“But I already know what you’re going to do if I think! I want new ideas!”

“Are you saying you’re finally bored of relying on comically oversized food products?”

“You asked the question, you answer!”

“I asked because I don’t know!”

“Well, we’re both Discord, so where does that leave us?”

There was no response.

“...Alone…” Discord muttered, slumping into his chair. He looked at a picture of Fluttershy floating by his house. “She tries so hard. And what about me? Not even the me of another world was ready for chaos!”

He paused for a moment.

“Another world…”

He slithered out of his house and approached the dimensional wall, prodding it with his claw. His realm was near the furthest edge of Equestria’s reality. He had easily punctured over to Earth to say hello. Perhaps, just perhaps, he could go somewhere else.

But no… that wouldn’t work. He had no idea where he was going, and for all he knew the other world might not even have chaos. He’d be flying blind.

He wouldn’t be able to find friends.

But… maybe they could find him.

He teleported back to Earth. “SUNSET!”

“AUGH!” Sunset panicked, falling hard onto the sidewalk. “I’m walking home Discord, what do you want?”

“I need… a very powerful radio transmitter.”

“What, government issue? Discord, unless you’re going to steal a satellite…”

Discord must have started grinning because Sunset paled.

“Discord, no no no, don’t do that.”

“Too late,” Discord said, teleporting a satellite to his claws.

Sunset facepalmed. “Is this what it’s going to be now? Tormenting us hapless humans because Equestria’s gotten too boring?”

“With any luck, there’ll be more than just Equis and Earth under my gaze soon…”

“...You’re not turning evil again, are you?”

“What, me? No. Just looking for friends. Talk to Twilight about it, and tell her that lists are useless while you’re at it.”

He teleported back to his realm and placed the satellite as close to the edge as he could. He enchanted it with a simple improve strength spell and set it to transmit a simple signal into the multiverse.

First, his personal magic signature. Second, a message: “Hey, I’m Discord, I’m looking for like-minded chaotic friends!”

He was expecting to let it sit there for a few days, perhaps try Equestria again with Fluttershy. But no, that didn’t happen - he got a response in less than a minute.

OPEN YOUR MIND AND YOU WILL SEE US.

“Ominous,” Discord said. He transmitted a message back. “That sounds like someone trying to mind control me.”

PROTECT YOUR MIND HOWEVER YOU WISH, YOU JUST NEED TO THINK BEYOND TO CONNECT TO US.

“Guess I’ll give it a tr- WAUUUGH!”

Discord’s body remained in his realm, but his mind shot through the barrier and landed… in a realm of slowly shifting neon colors currently somewhere between purple and pink. There was only one other entity visible in the space - an ever-shifting blob of matter that might have been physical. It never settled, but some forms were more common than the others: a sphere alit with pink fire, a being with two arms and legs but no head and a mouth in the stomach, some sort of massive bird spewing fire, and a featureless disc.

Welcome, Discord!”

“Glad to be here!” Discord said, grinning. “I have to say, I’m already impressed by your form - or lack thereof. I prefer the conglomeration look myself, but the inconsistent was always a consideration.”

“I’m glad you approve. I have been known to solidify my image from time to time, but you know how it goes, have to keep changing things up to keep them guessing. Heheheh.”

“Do you ever run out of ideas?”

“Never, but my chaos is more on a fundamental nature than yours, for I draw my power from all the beings in my universe. I will never run out of ideas so long as the universe has ideas.”

“Doesn’t that get a little crazy?”

“Yep! Just the way I like it. Ever argue with yourself and lose? It’s quite an experience.”

“Can’t say I lost, no…” He put a claw to his chin. “Wait a minute! I don’t believe you told me who you were!”

“Aha! I am The Big Z - the Lord of Change, Tzeentch!”

“The Big Z’s name starts with a T.” Discord laughed. “I should call myself The Big S!”

“Sorry, copyrighted.”

“Awww…”

“Not that copyright infringement means anything here. Eat Fresh! I’m Lovin’ It! Red Ro-”

“Are we all obsessed with food?”

“...No… I’m just obsessed with food right now… Beats all the fire and tentacles, honestly, more creative.” Tzeentch leaned in, forming an eye for a split second. “So, Discord, why don’t you tell me about yourself before I introduce you to the others, hmm?”

“I am Discord, Lord of Chaos, Spirit of Disharmony… well, that other title is a bit outdated, I know the Elements of Harmony rather well at this point. Perhaps… Spirit of Disorder is better. Though that sounds lame.”

“Spirit of Disorder?”

“Works for me, though it sounds a bit professional. Ooh, what about… Spirit of Pandemonium!”

“A delightful mouthful!” Tzeentch’s laugh grated against Discord’s mind like glass on chalkboard. “Now, why don’t you tell me about these friends of yours?”

“Great, really great, but sadly not chaotic. Fluttershy really tries, but she’s really just too soft for the whole thing. I wanted to create a bunch of tiny gumdrop ants in a forest just to see what would happen, but I needed some opposing ants and… well, let’s just say it’s been a long day and I haven’t gotten to see any ant politics.”

“Hmm… Well I am sorry to say, none of us can actually travel to your realm as of now. Only I have the power to forcibly breach dimensional walls, and that would require transmitting through my realm, which is… maddening in a rather destructive way.”

“Oh…”

“But, you are not in my realm. You are in a bit of a loophole - a mindscape forged within the confines of my own consciousness that continually looks for like-minded individuals. A go-between to keep our chaos’ from influencing each other too much. Different chaos’ together can be destructive.”

“Can we do the ants thing here?”

“Probably not, the only things that can happen are what we think of. The ants wouldn't surprise us. A limitation… but I believe I am right in assuming the real issue of yours wasn’t the ants, but your need for like-minded individuals. You can have that in this mental realm.” Tzeentch’s essence flashed a bright blue. “Would you like to become the seventh mind within my Palace of Chaos?”

“Would I? Of course! You’re already such a great fellow, I can’t wait to meet the rest!”

“You don’t have to!”

And then there were five other entities within Tzeentch’s realm. Unlike the big Z himself, all of them had consistent forms. Three were human (or at least human-like), one was a golden triangle with one eye in a top hat, and the last was a floating green mask that seemed a bit… dead. Of the humans, one was a small girl who refused to look up, another was a crazed man in clown makeup that never stopped smiling, and the third looked like a corpse in a black-and-white striped suit.

“Don’t be shy, introduce yourselves!”

HIYA SNAKEY!” the triangle said, tipping his hat and the perception of gravity with it. “CAN I CALL YOU SNAKEY?”

“I’m sure I have room for some ssssserpent assspects,” Discord hissed.

“GREAT! NICKNAMES ARE ALWAYS THE BEST! NAME’S BILL CIPHER!”

“And what’s your nickname?” Discord asked.

“DON’T NEED ONE!”

“It’s Dorito,” the corpse-like man said. “Cause he’s so corny.”

The clown-man laughed uncontrollably.

“I WILL MAKE THEM SUFFER FOR THIS ONE DAY,” Bill declared. “THAT’S BEETLEJUICE AND THE JOKER BACK THERE, SLEAZY GHOST AND PSYCHOTIC MAN-CHILD RESPECTIVELY. AND TRUST ME, DON’T TRY TO SPELL BETELGEUSE’S NAME.”

“My life is an enigma!”

“YOU’RE DEAD.”

“I was alive once.” Beetlejuice dusted off his suit.

“YOU’RE NOT NOW.”

“Neither are you.”

“I’M NOT CLAIMING LIFE. I CLAIM A KNOWLEDGE, A POWER, AND AN INNATE UNDERSTANDING OF POMEGRANATES. BY THE WAY, DISCORD, THE UNIVERSE IS A SIMULATION, POMEGRANATES ARE THE BEST, REMEMBER TUESDAY!”

“...What?” Discord asked.

“Ignore him, he’s a cryptic moron,” the Joker said, stepping forward and extending a hand. “I’m the Joker… the only pure human in this place.”

“His mind was chaotic enough to draw my attention,” Tzeentch said.

Discord smirked. “A simple human? Well how do you d-” he shook the Joker’s hand and got a joy buzzer shock to his hand. “...Well played.”

The Joker bowed. “I try.”

Bill coughed - despite not having a mouth. “ANYWAY, THERE’S THE OTHER TWO. MASK OVER THERE CURRENTLY DOESN’T HAVE A HOST, SO HE’S COMPLETELY DORMANT. HIS PERSONALITY DOESN’T EXIST UNLESS IT IS MESHED WITH SOMETHING ELSE, AND CURRENTLY, HIS PHYSICAL FORM IS LOST IN HIS HOME. WASTE OF SPACE, IF YOU ASK ME.”

“He may yet awaken,” Tzeentch declared.

“YEAH YEAH…”

Discord drifted over to the last member of the group - the little girl with a downcast head. “And who are you?”

She made no response.

“Come on, don’t be shy. I don’t bite, I’m just Discord!”

She looked up, fixing him with piercing red eyes. “My name is Chara.”

Discord shivered - and he wasn’t sure why. “Well, Chara, it’s nice to meet you. How did you end up here?”

“I saw,” she said with a psychotic smile.

“She’s more a spirit of Entropy than Chaos,” Tzeentch admitted. “But she is one of us nonetheless.”

“I have a Wendigo Queen she might like.”

“What else do you got?” Betelgeuse asked, leaning in.

“IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE GOT SOMEONE NEW, SO SPILL.” Bill created a cane and leaned on it. “SURE TO HAVE SOME INTERESTING TALES OF CHAOTIC EXPLOITS.”

“Oh, where to begin…?” Discord said, grinning.

~~~

One week later...

“So, Tzeentch says it’s finally okay for me to meet them?” Fluttershy asked, flying after Discord to the edge of his realm.

“Took a lot of convincing, let me tell you,” Discord said, rolling his eyes. “The Big Z has a bit of a stubborn streak for being the Lord of Change.”

“Heh. The Big Z.” Fluttershy chuckled. “You should be The Big S.”

“That’s exactly what I said!”

Fluttershy beamed. “See? I got it.” She splayed her wings and took up a superhero pose as she flew alongside him.

“Anyway, before we go…”

“You already warned me about Beetlejuice. I can handle myself.”

“He might not be the only one…”

“Discord, I dealt with you living in my house when you didn’t have a chaos filter. I can handle some less-than-friendly chaotic types. I just want to meet your new friends.”

Discord shrugged. “Well… usually, the way through is to open your mind, but I’ll just be dragging you along with me. Hold on!”

“Oka-”

Fluttershy felt a rush of colors fly through her mind as her body was left behind. She was suddenly sitting in a throne floating in the midst of a shifting blue background, staring right at the ever-shifting shape she assumed was Tzeentch.

“-y. ...Discord! A little warning next time?” She rubbed her eyes - though as a mental construct, this did nothing to alleviate the slight burning sensation she got in the back of her skull.

“You must be Fluttershy. Welcome to my Palace of Chaos. You are the first without the gift of chaos in your mind to visit. I will do my best to accommodate you, but I give no promises on the behavior of the others.”

“It’s great to be here,” Fluttershy said, smiling. “Discord, why don’t you introduce me to your friends?”

Discord cleared his throat. “Well, you just met Tzeentch, the main man, chaos of chaos, blah blah blah…”

“My blahs are better than yours.”

“We’ll let the lady be the judge of that.”

Chara let out a disinterested grunt.

“The other lady,” Discord said with a roll of his eyes.

“Wow, ain’t you a looker!” Betelgeuse said, approaching Fluttershy from behind.

“Really?” The Joker put a hand over his eyes. “She’s a pony.”

“Hey, you try being stuck in the afterlife for an eternity.” He reached for her tail.

She slapped him in the face with it. “A-hem. That is not how you treat a lady, much less a guest. I am here because I want to be. I can leave whenever I want.”

“But then where would the fun be?”

“Away from you, clearly.”

HAHA! BUTTERFLY, THE FUN’S ALWAYS AWAY FROM HIM,” Bill said. “STUFFY BUGSAUCE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO KEEP THINGS INTERESTING. IT’S ALWAYS ‘SCARE THIS’ ‘SPOOK THAT’. HIS JOB BACK HOME IS TO TERRIFY THE LIVING OUT OF HOUSES. A PERFECTLY RESPECTABLE CAREER! HELD BY SOMEONE SO CHAOTIC! FOR SHAME!

Beetlejuice huffed. “I’d like to see you have a job.”

I SUCCESSFULLY PRETENDED TO BE A LAWYER FOR A WHOLE MONTH, ONCE. WAS PATHETICALLY EASY AND REPETITIVE.”

“Did you win any cases?” the Joker asked.

“VICTORY ISN’T A CRITERIA OF LEGAL SCHEMING.”

“He won none and his ploy to send the lawyers into a panic failed as well.”

“GEE, WAY TO HAVE A GUY’S BACK ZEE.” He folded his arms.

“What do you do now?” Fluttershy asked.

“I’m actually not sure…” Discord said.

NOTHING,” Bill muttered. “I’M ‘DEAD’, WAITING FOR A STUPID PINK AMPHIBIAN TO HOLD UP HIS END OF THE BARGAIN.”

“Your afterlife is shit,” Betelgeuse jabbed. “Least I still get to do stuff.”

“I’m in an asylum right now if we’re giving life stories!” the Joker said, waving his hand. “Lovely place. I escape every few weeks. They put me back in. Rinse and repeat, it’s a little game we play!”

“I exist in a world of endless darkness where nothing ever happens,” Chara breathed.

“Oh, you poor thing…” Fluttershy said, walking over to the girl and giving her a hug. “...It must be hard…”

Chara said nothing.

“Can’t you do anything for her?” Fluttershy asked Tzeentch.

“I am afraid I cannot, Fluttershy,” Tzeentch’s form slowed its cycles, as if sad. “Their minds are not as strong as mind or Discord’s. I could drag them to my world and give them new bodies, but my realm would tear their minds to mutant pudding in less than a second. None of the others have the power to do such a thing.”

“That’s terrible… all of you stuck without anything to do.”

“Ah, no worries Flutters,” the Joker said, putting an arm around her shoulder. “We’ve got each other, and that’s all we need, right fellas?”

“Got jump off a cliff,” Beetlejuice muttered.

“Fine then. Mask! Maaaask! Back me up here!”

The Mask remained as lifeless as always.

The Joker grunted. “Discord?”

Discord appeared behind the Joker. “I’ve got your back.”

The Joker fell to the ground. “My back! Give it back!”

Discord held up a spine, furrowing his brow. “How can I give back back? That doesn’t make any sense…”

Fluttershy chuckled. “What if you back up the back to back the back back.”

“OR BACK THE FORWARD BACK UPWARD.”

“But there’s the turnways and widdershins.”

“YOU KNOW WHAT WIDDERSHINS MEANS!?”

“Do I?”

“...I like you,” Chara told Fluttershy, grinning.

Fluttershy smiled. “What? I was just making conversation.”

To her disappointment, Chara said nothing else.

“She’s a quiet one, don’t worry about her,” Discord said.

“I used to be the quiet one…” Fluttershy said, looking down at Chara. “...She needs friends.”

“She has no aside from us,” Tzeentch said. “Her world is empty, as you know. A tragedy, to be sure.”

Fluttershy nodded. “That’s it. Discord, we’ve got to do something to be able to help them.”

Discord blinked. “We do?”

“They’re your friends and some of them are suffering. Tzeentch, you can’t drag them to your world because it’s too much. Our world wouldn’t be. Discord can create bodies to put your minds into, right? You can come visit! Physically!

Discord blinked. “I hadn’t thought of that…”

“I had,” Tzeentch said. “We would need powerful magic anchors to establish a stable connection, both for locating through the transmission and to hold our chaotic minds in completely physical bodies. It would have to be separate from Discord a-”

Fluttershy closed her eyes and imagined. Suddenly, the pink crystal of the Element of Kindness was spinning in front of her. “I have the power of Kindness within me, always. You can latch onto that. It just so happens that I have five friends.”

“The perfect number…”

“I LIKE IT WHEN NUMBERS ARE PERFECT, Z!”

“Fluttershy, would you be willing to lend us your bodies for a few hours?” Tzeentch asked. “I understand it is a lot to ask, but interacting physically… it would be good for many of them who are stuck in-between places.”

“I’ll help, you don’t even have to ask,” Fluttershy said. “You’re Discord’s friends, and you need help. It’s the right thing to do.”

Discord beamed. “Fluttershy… do I ever tell you how amazingly kind you are?”

“Yes, all the time.”

“Yeah!” Betelgeuse shouted, fist pumping. “We’re getting out of here!”

“Oh, um, I still have to convince the rest of my friends,” Fluttershy said. “They may not be as… eager to help as I am.”

“I am sure you will find the words, Maiden of Kindness.”

“I’ll sure try.”

~~~

“Remind me how you got us to agree to this?” Applejack asked from her throne in Twilight’s castle.

“I said ‘pretty please’,” Fluttershy giggled.

“...Y’all think we gave in too easy?” Applejack asked the other four.

“Uh, yeah!”

“Not really.”

“Nope!”

“Not at all.”

Rainbow glared at the other three. “You’re all crazy.”

“We will be forging a relationship with chaotic beings of other universes, proving that harmony can reach all,” Twilight said. “We can let our minds drift for a few hours.”

“So… our minds are going to go to where they are?” Rarity asked.

Twilight nodded. “That’s what me and Starlight have worked out. I, naturally, have to swap with Tzeentch because my alicorn soul is the only one that can survive such a transition. The rest of you… random, far as I know?”

Discord shrugged. “Tzeentch didn’t exactly give me any plans beyond you. Though he probably does have plans. He really likes his plans. Might put Beetlejucie in Rarity for the laughs.”

Rarity shivered. “Starlight, dear, if I start acting like a… well…”

“I can force any of them out of you at any time,” Starlight said from her recliner in the back of the room. “Don’t worry, I got you all covered.”

“I’m going to worry anyway…” Rarity said, laughing nervously.

“Wait a minute…” Rainbow pointed an accusatory wing. “You said you were fine with this!”

“Oh, I am, but I’m still nervous. I wonder where I’ll end up… “

“Chaos roulette!” Pinkie giggled. “I want to go to the Beetlejuice place! I wanna be a scary ghost!”

“Of course you would,” Rarity said with a roll of her eyes.

“Let’s try not to mess up their lives, okay?” Fluttershy asked. “Or… unlives, as the case may be.”

“Starlight?” Twilight called. “Let them have fun. But not too much fun.”

“Got it!” Starlight said dismissively. “Calm down, I got this.”

“And when she doesn’t, I’ll have it,” Spike said, holding up a scroll. “I’ll record everything.”

“You should enjoy the chaos party yourself, Spike,” Starlight suggested. “Not every day you get to see the Elements of Harmony acting like hooligans.”

“HONORARY YAK SMASH!” Pinkie shouted.

“Excepting the obvious.”

“Well…” Twilight closed her eyes and let out a breath. “I guess we’re really doing this. Girls, feel your inner Elements. It may feel weak without physical Elements, but they’re still there. Focus… Discord, give me the connection to the satellite.”

Discord transmitted it to Twilight’s horn with his magic. She grabbed it and smirked. “And… executing spell. Starlight, you have the abort key… now.”

“Received,” Starlight said, winking.

“Here we go…” Twilight spread her wings and lit her horn. “See you in a few hours, girls!”

Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, and Rainbow were hit instantly. Applejack and Rainbow had no visible change besides a confused facial expression. Pinkie’s mane went instantly flat, but her smile remained while Rarity’s eyes became a bright gold. Fluttershy’s face flashed green for a moment, but it soon vanished.

All of this was nothing compared to the FOOM of power that surged when Tzeentch entered Twilight Sparkle. For a split second, the Princess of Friendship grew in size threefold, mane becoming pink fire and coat swirling with the power of galaxies. She returned to her normal size immediately afterward, no longer having any visual cue she wasn’t actually Twilight.

“It worked!” Tzeentch said in Twilight’s voice, flapping her wings excitedly. “Everyone else make it?”

“Here,” Applejack muttered.

“Haha-here!” Rainbow added.

“...Here…” Pinkie breathed, smile widening - it was clear she had gotten Chara.

“HERE,” Bill said, his voice coming out of Rarity’s mouth, giving no chance he would be mistaken for anyone else.

“I don’t feel any different…” Fluttershy said. “Did I n-”

“HI EVERYONE, IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK!” the Mask shouted, appearing as a green matte on Fluttershy’s face. It spoke with her voice, but significantly louder and more excited. “Who’s ready for this party!?”

“Oh my,” Fluttershy said as the Mask retreated back into her face. “It… looks like we’re both here.”

The Mask appeared again. “They say three’s a crowd, so we should be good!”

Fluttershy chuckled. “You don’t have any split personality disorders, do you mister Mask?”

“Just ‘Mask,’ thank you, and not that I’m aware of! Am I aware of anything? Yes you are, dummy!”

Discord rubbed his hands together. “It looks like we have a resounding success!”

“...This is terrifying,” Spike said.

Starlight generated some popcorn. “I kinda like it!”

“You three are going to be witness to the greatest game of all time!” Discord gestured to the table, summoning several different colors of gumdrop ants. “We may not be able to leave the castle… but we’ve got a map of the world right here!”

“I call the purple ones!” Tzeentch said, jumping up and down on Twilight’s throne. “They will lay waste to the earth and destroy all your inferior colored sugary insects!”

YELLOW,” Bill said, taking his seat in Rarity’s throne. Discord noticed the thrones weren’t lighting up when they sat in them. He supposed the castle knew they weren't really the Element Bearers.

Red,” Chara said, taking the seat of Laughter. She pulled a knife out of her mane and rammed it into the table. “Red is always the best color.”

“I want black and white. No arguments.” Beetlejuice sat down and fumbled trying to position his hooves. “This is going to be boring anyway… just ants?”

“You can make yours grasshoppers, or whatever you want,” Discord said. “The ants will listen to the whim of your mind… For the record, I choose orange.”

“Blue,” the Joker said, trying out his new wings. “Like the color of ME right now! HehHAH! If only Batman could see me now…”

“Who?” Discord asked.

“Not important.”

“Oh, um, Mask?” Fluttershy said. “Do you want green?”

“Obviously!” the Mask laughed. “But, but, we can do yellow for you. Because you like yellow.”

“Oh, thanks! ...I’m not very good at the chaos thing…”

“I can teach you!” The Mask took control of Fluttershy’s body and pulled a firecracker out of her mane.

“Oh my…”

“Just go with the flow, Flutters! You’ll see how chaos is done through your own eyes!”

Fluttershy realized that her legs were stretching a lot like rubber. “Are you turning me into Pinkie Pie!?”

“Nah, not a green enough name.” The Mask sat herself and Fluttershy down in the throne of Kindness, which did recognize Fluttershy. “Just let me know if you’ve got any ideas! Until then…” A slot machine came out of nowhere and the Mask pulled the lever. “It’s showtime!

“Stealing my lines…” Betelgeuse muttered.

“Let this game of chaos with ants… begin,” Tzeentch declared.

“I have my money on the big Z,” Starlight said, munching on her popcorn. “Spike?”

“...Can I want Fluttershy to win?”

“Eh. Sure, but even with the Mask’s help I think she’s at a horrible disadvantage.”

“You don’t even know the rules of the game!”

“I know Discord enough to have some idea how this is going to go. Sit back, maybe find some cover, this is gonna be good.” She put on a pair of sungalsses and smirked.

“Okay… if you say so…”

~~~

There were four left in the game. Five if you counted Fluttershy as separate from the Mask.

Discord, Bill, and the Mask all had territories of roughly equal size. Against each other, they all had weaknesses and strengths - Discord’s forces were unpredictable but hard to organize, Bill’s were alarmingly well regimented and clever, and the Mask’s had a habit of doing impossible things at random moments and occasionally converting ants over to her side through ‘diplomacy’.

But the game was no longer in question. Tzeentch owned well over half the map and was stomping them out slowly but surely. He could have ended them all five minutes ago, but he was drawing it out to see the agony on their faces.

“We should probably resign…” Fluttershy said.

“We will be squished to syrup with dignity!” the Mask countered.

“How is death dignified? Surrender gives us a chance at keeping our history…”

WHAT HISTORY?” Bill asked. “THESE ANTS DIDN’T EXIST A FEW HOURS AGO.”

“Resignation is the way of government… not chaos!” Discord let out a tremendous laugh. “I REVEAL MY MOUNTAIN OF CHOCOLATE TRAP CARD!”

“Using my own ploys against me…” Tzeentch said, a glimmer of pride in her eye. “Well done…”

A massive chocolate mountain erupted from the table and bathed the land in chocolate. Discord’s forces survived - but so did a single one of Tzeentch’s. One lone ant with a cute little crown on it.

“So close to victory… but I had a barrier spell up around the king the entire time.” Tzeentch began to cackle. “And that barrier… will hit you with what you just did!”

A chocolate mountain swept Discord’s forces away, leaving only the lone purple ant - and Tzeentch as the victor.

Discord laughed. “Well played!” He extended a paw and shook Tzeentch’s hoof. “Again?”

“Gladly!”

“UUUUGH,” Beetlejuice whined. “Where’s the fun in a game?”

“You’ll have to hold the game anyway, guys,” Starlight said, holding up her hoof. “As amazing as this was, you do have to be sent back in a few minutes.”

“Y-yeah,” Spike said, hiding behind a chair that was now covered in loose pizza, ravenous donuts covered in teeth, and crimson red porcupines that kept screaming.

Tzeentch fixed Starlight with a confident smirk. “Oh, leaving are we?”

“Yep. Spell will time out i-”

“YOINK!” Tzeentch shouted, blasting Starlight’s horn with a dark beam. Starlight let out a screech of pain and slumped to the ground, out cold.

Fluttershy and Discord gasped. “TZEENTCH!”

“Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!” The Mask shouted.

“Oh, Mask…” Tzeentch chuckled. “You weren't here for the briefing. I’m not betraying you. We are betraying him.” She pointed at Discord with a wing. “You are so easy to pressure with the promise of friendship. It’s pathetic.

Discord growled. He raised his hand, prepared to use his chaos magic to send them back right then and there - but Tzeentch forced his hand open with her magic.

“How…?” Discord gawked.

“SCATTER!” Tzeentch shouted, smashing a bottle and creating an explosion of pure magic right in front of Discord, sending him flying.

Fluttershy gasped. “Disc-”

“GOTTA RUN!” the Mask shouted, cutting Fluttershy off. She ducked behind a column and vanished. Everypony else scrambled as soon as they were able, leaving just Spike, Starlight, Discord, and Tzeentch.

Tzeentch smiled, her teeth somehow razor-sharp now. “We won’t be going anywhere, Discord. Not now. Not ever. And if you want to change that… you’ll have to hunt us down. Won’t that be fun?”

Discord reached out with his energy - but Tzeentch had already teleported away.

“Discord!” Spike called. “Something’s wrong with Starlight!”

Discord wasted no time, running to the pinkish unicorn and tracing her face with one of his claws. “Hmm… She’s alive, her consciousness is just locked into a coma. I wouldn’t want to risk forcing her awake…”

“Y-you did this!” Spike shouted. “You let brought them here! And now Twilight and the others are gone!”

Discord grimaced. “They’re not gone.” He picked Spike up with his paw. “And we’re going to get them back.”

“How?!”

“However we need to. Send a letter to the Princesses - we’re going chaos hunting.”

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!