• Published 8th Jul 2019
  • 3,731 Views, 72 Comments

New Chaotic Friends! - GMBlackjack



Discord feels like he doesn't have any truly chaotic friends, so he tries to find some. This effort goes horribly, terribly right.

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II - In Which Fluttershy Learns What it is Like to be Pinkie Pie

Fluttershy had no idea what was happening.

One moment Tzeentch told everyone to run. She’d called out for Discord, the Mask had shouted something… and now she was in a tree on what she thought were the Cantering Islands, given the coconuts.

“Where did you take me?” Fluttershy shouted.

“I have no idea!” the Mask responded.

“Take me back!”

“Where?” the Mask asked, posing defensively.

“You know where, buster! Twilight’s castle!” Fluttershy put her hooves on her hips.

“You know what, I kinda don’t feel like it.”

“Don’t make me use the Stare on you!”

“Can you use the Stare on yourself?”

“You’re not me!”

“No, but I’m in your body, isn’t that fascinating!”

Fluttershy realized she had just done that thing where it looked like two Pinkies were talking but there was really only one. She put her hoof to her face and groaned. “I was not ready for this…”

“Hey, at least you’re still around! The others are probably going through some real twisted pretzels right now!” She pulled a pretzel out of her mane and ate it.

Fluttershy pulled out a foam finger. “You’re not allowed to enjoy yourself right now! Y… Where did I get…?”

“Better question, where are you pointing it?”

Fluttershy twitched. “I… Aaaaaaaagh I’m getting so mad!

“Sucks to be stuck in a cartoon gag, doesn’t it? How do you think I feel - I’m like this all the time! All powerful for so long and then BAM someone gets me with a Who’s On First reference.”

“How could you do this to Discord? He was your friend!”

“Neeeevah knew the guy before today!” the Mask laughed. “Though I didn’t know there was a betrayal plan either. Wow, that’s evil, isn’t it?”

“It is! Yes! So how can you do it?”

“Uh…” the Mask seemed to think hard for a moment. “The laws of physics permit it?” She said this while tying herself into the shape of a pretzel.

“Look at you. You don’t care about that.”

“Aha, I see! You’d like to see what I am all about! Prepare for a round trip across your world!”

“Wait, no, Mask, we need to ta-”

With a bounce they were suddenly on top of the tallest mountain on Equis. The wind was so strong Fluttershy would not have been able to hear a pony if they were standing right next to her.

Luckily the Mask was her so Fluttershy could hear her just fine.

“Lovely view, ain’t it?”

“It’s cold!

“Psh, you don’t have to feel cold with me around! Just stop thinking about it.”

“How do you stop thinking about something!?”

“Get angry at me for telling you to stop thinking about it, focus on that anger, get confused, and stop being cold!”

Fluttershy realized she didn’t feel cold anymore. “Oh.”

“Though if it’s funny for you to be cold, you will be.”

Fluttershy started shivering again. “H-hey! I… Oh no.” Fluttershy paled. “This is what it’s like to be Pinkie Pie. This is really what it’s like to be Pinkie Pie.”

“I’m glad I could expand your worldview!” They jumped again, this time appearing outside a cave where some cave-ponies were banging at a rock.

“Did you just take us back in time!?

“Did I?”

“Did you?”

“Did I?”

Fluttershy tried to make herself stop. She couldn’t. “Did you?”

“Did I?”

“Did… I?”

“There we go!”

Fluttershy shook her head. “Mask! We can’t keep doing this!” She spread out a wing - scaring a cave pony into knocking the rock over. He watched in fascination as it rolled down the hill.

The Mask put a lightbulb over the cave pony’s head. “I say we just made history! Though this could be the future. Quick, do you see any radioactive waste lying around?”

“I don’t even know what you’re saying…” Fluttershy muttered.

They shifted again, this time appearing right in front of Chara. She had a sharp knife in her pink hoof and a psychotic smile on her face. “Hello, Mask, would you like to have some fun?”

“Nope!” Fluttershy and the Mask shouted at the same time, warping through reality again, appearing in front of a giant cactus.

“Did you see that knife?” Fluttershy asked.

“Duh! Why’d you think we ran?”

“She could be killing ponies!”

“What!?”

“We have to stop her!”

“I have no idea where that was!”

“Mask!”

“I really don’t, we just needed to be there at that moment to give this story a proper sense of urgency in the midst of our slapstick comedy routine!”

“Story?” Fluttershy blinked. “Pinkie…”

“Hey, hey…”

“How, how does Pinkie deal with this?” Fluttershy was starting to cry now.

“Hey! Stop getting your face wet! It’s my face too!”

“It must be so hard on her…”

“Look, she’s probably like me and was just born with the whole ‘nothing makes sense’ thing, okay Flutters? Geez.”

“I… I’ll have to ask her…”

“Duh, but don’t we have more pressing matters to deal with right now?”

“Huh?”

The Mask pulled out a notebook and tore off several sheets. “Let’s see… Oh yes, your five closest friends are possessed by chaos monsters and are probably wreaking havoc this instant. They must be stopped!”

“...Did you just convince yourself to help me?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes! It matters! To me!”

“I’m helping aren’t I?” the Mask waggled her eyebrows.

Fluttershy glared at her. Herself. Uh…

“He’s trying to describe the impossible,” the Mask said.

“It’s his fault this situation happened, right?”

“Eh, mostly.”

“Well, he can deal with a little inconvenience then.” Fluttershy huffed.

“Smokin’!”

“Can we go back to the castle now?”

Fluttershy found that she could bounce them back without any input from the Mask - she was getting the hang of this. The power of the Mask was in her body, and they shared the body. There was probably some convoluted reason why a possessing mask would create a dual personality when trying to swap minds like this, but Fluttershy didn’t care to reason that out.

Not only because she wasn’t Twilight, but also because Ponyville was already screaming in panic.

“...Oh no…” Fluttershy groaned.

“Am I allowed to say ‘oh yes’?” the Mask asked.

“No.”

“Aw…”

~~~

Discord carefully laid Starlight in her bed, snapping the covers over her with his magic. “There. She’ll be fine.”

“N-now what?”

“Now, we go looking. There are six mares to find, my little dragon, and the less time it takes the better. There is one we’ll be able to find instantly…”

“...Twilight? Because she’s got all the magic?”

“What? No.” Discord rolled his eyes. “I have a ‘take me to Fluttershy’ spell ready at all times of the day because I never know when I might need it.” He lifted his hand. “To Fluttershy!”

“GUESS WHO’S BACK, BABY?”

Fluttershy and the Mask came crashing into Starlight’s room on a skateboard wearing a backwards baseball cap, green-tinted neon shades. They did a triple kickflip off the board and landed smoothly on their hind hooves just shy of the back wall.

Fluttershy lowered her shades and smiled awkwardly. “Um… sup’ ma’dudes? Izzn’t this… Radical…?”

Spike and Discord stared at her.

“...Oh no, did I do it wrong?”

“You did fine!” the Mask laughed.

“Oh, phew! I was worried there for a second.”

Discord lifted both of them in his magic. “I am going to send you back from where you came from you little green gobli-”

“Wait!” Fluttershy called. “The Mask is a friend, don’t hurt him.”

“...He ran off with you!”

“And I convinced him to come back. He’s going to help us find the others.” Fluttershy turned her nose and huffed, suddenly wearing a prissy white dress that only added to her currently haughty attitude.

Spike rubbed his eyes. “Is that you doing that or the Mask?”

“Yes.” Spike had no idea which one spoke.

Spike rubbed his head.

Fluttershy shook her head. “What’s wrong with Starlight?”

Discord frowned. “She’s in a coma. Tzeentch. When I get that conniving little bug-stain I’m going to…”

“Run him through a meat grinder?” the Mask asked, pulling out such an object. “Give him a really good spanking?” She threw a slapstick into Discord’s hands. “Or what about a good ol’ fashioned AIR STRIKE!”

“Woah woah woah!” Spike said. “No air strikes!”

“Yeah, Mask, we’re in Ponyville,” Fluttershy said. Then she blinked. “Oh, right, Ponyville! Everypony was screaming!”

Discord teleported them outside the castle. Ponies were running around, screaming, panicking…

...not because of any of the chaotic entities possessing the chosen Elements of Harmony, oh no.

But because of a giant green Mask-shaped balloon looking down and laughing at them

Fluttershy glared at the Mask. Which was impossible, but the Mask got the message.

“Oh, fine, I’ll put it away…” With a sharp intake of air, she devoured the entire balloon without a problem. “Done!”

Somewhere, an oven dinged. A pizza was ready.

Spike rubbed his eyes. “I… I was not ready for this.”

“Nobody is,” Discord said, combing his beard.

“If you were ready for the Mask, you could expect the Spanish Inquisition!” the Mask howled.

“The Spanish Inquisition had to give advance notice,” Fluttershy corrected. She blinked. “...Why?”

“You askin’ me?”

“It's a why without a recipient…”

“There there, the headache will go away soon.”

Discord picked them up. “As fascinating as it is to watch you develop the Flutter Sense, we have ponies to save.”

Fluttershy brightened up. “Oh! We saw Pinkie - or Chara. We could warp right back to her!”

“All aboard the Mean Green Machine!” the Mask declared. With a hiccup noise, they were suddenly standing in the middle of the Everfree Forest, where Chara had been.

Now, there was only a knife stuck to a tree holding a paper note. Discord tore it off the tree, discovering it had red writing on it.

Just missed me.

“...Any ideas?” Fluttershy asked.

Discord and the Mask had nothing. Spike was staring at the red on the note, shivering.

“Where could she have gone…?” Fluttershy wondered.

~~~

Chara twirled a knife and rammed it into the tree behind Bon Bon. The cream mare screamed out in terror, tears flowing out the back of her eyes. “Wh-what happened to you Pinkie…?”

“I’m not Pinkie…” Chara said, tearing the mare off the tree and throwing her to the ground. “I… am Chara. And I am the last thing you are ever going to see.”

“L-let me go… Please...”

“Mmm…” Chara licked her lips, twirling the knife in her mane-grip. “I don’t think so. I think I’m going to savor this, Bon Bon… Bet you’re wondering how I know you’re name?”

“P-pinkie, you know everypon-”

Chara touched the knife to her neck. “I’m not Pinkie.” Stupid horse ruining my name-knowing. That’s a major card out of my arsenal… “You make candy, right?”

“Y-yes…”

“I wonder if you are what you eat.” Chara pulled the knife back and plunged it into Bon Bon’s chest. Red sprayed everywhere and the mare screamed. It got all over Chara’s face, not that she minded. With a demented giggle, she licked her lips, finding the taste to be…

...ketchup?

She pulled the knife out of Bon Bon, bewildered to find that there wasn't a real wound there - just a copious amount of ketchup.

“What the…?” Chara said, backing away.

Bon Bon backed up against a tree. “Th-this was a joke? What kind of s-sick jok-”

“It’s not supposed to be a joke!” Chara shouted, throwing the knife into Bon Bon’s head. Ketchup went flying, but the mare herself was completely unharmed. Crying, the cream mare galloped away.

Chara looked at her pink hooves, twitching.

This body… it’s non-lethal?!

With a scream of intense rage, she uprooted a nearby tree and pounded it to dust with a meat smasher. “Oh, sure! I can pulverize trees! But not people!? What’s up with that?” She jumped over to a small pool of water and glared at the reflecting. “Pinkie! I know you can see this… there’s got to be a way to use your powers to kill. There has to!”

The reflection didn’t respond.

Chara growled - but then she got an idea. She jumped behind a tree and appeared inside the main entrance of Sugarcube Corner. She grabbed one of the real knives behind the stove and threw it out the window at a random passerby.

It embedded into them, all right. But there wasn’t an injury - just ketchup. AGAIN.

Chara twitched.

She wasn’t going to stand for this.

She was in a living world with an actual body for the first time in ages.

She needed to kill.

There had to be a way around this.

~~~

“Okay, Discord, we need to find them all,” Fluttershy said. She, Discord, and Spike were sitting at the map of the world while the Mask… sometimes existed and sometimes didn’t. “You know them, what would they do and where would they go?”

Discord folded his arms. “I can’t see how I’d know what a bunch of people who were lying to me would do.”

“Just… make a guess.”

Discord sighed. “Tzeentch is impossible to pin down, and Chara almost never talked, so I can’t tell you much about them.”

“The others?”

“Bill and the Joker…” He knitted his eyebrows. “Bill likes to be in control, so maybe he’ll go for the Princesses?”

Spike cocked his head. “But he’s supposed to be hiding, that wouldn’t be a very good way to hide.”

“Yeah, no idea. The Joker… he just likes to laugh and have a good time, probably harmless.”

The Mask laughed. “They really pulled the blinds over you didn’t they, snake-boy! Hah! The Joker’s a career criminal, he wants to laugh in the face of the law.”

Fluttershy nodded. “And what about the others, Mask?”

“Tzeentch is bonkers random, Chara was after my time, and Discord’s right about the Dorito.”

“So… Beetlejuice?”

“Oh, he’s easy,” Discord chuckled. “He’ll want to enjoy suddenly having a living body with working parts again. Has a thing for ladies, as you probably figured, a…” He paused, noting Fluttershy’s horrified expression. “Okay, Applejack would probably be appalled by the things he’ll try to do… with any luck he’ll try to scratch the ‘scare people’ itch first.”

The Mask laughed. “You think we have luck?

“We have something all right,” Spike muttered.

Fluttershy reached into her mane and pulled out a twisted blue horn. “We have flugelhorn, apparently.”

“And no idea where Beetlejuice would go!” Spike said, throwing his arms wide. “You can scare anypony in town if you do it right.”

“There are only two rowdy places in Ponyville,” Discord pointed out. “We could try those.”

“Does he have any idea where they are?”

“Probably not.”

Fluttershy frowned. “Then we’re just going to have to ask around town. We’re well known, ponies will know where we went.”

There was a knock at the door.

“Come in!” Fluttershy called.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders walked in - tripping a green Mask bucket that dumped water on them. “Wh- DISCORD!” Apple Bloom shouted.

Discord glared at the mask. “Wasn’t me.”

“Ah-huh.” Apple Bloom shook her head. “Right. Any o’ you know why Applejack’s actin’ weird?”

“You know where she is!?” Spike asked.

“Uh, yeah. Ah take it that means you do know.”

“Her mind has been possessed by an evil ghost! All the others too!”

“Is that why Fluttershy’s wearing a mask?” Sweetie asked.

Fluttershy lowered the silver opera mask she had been holding over her face. “Part of it…”

The Mask leaped into action, appearing behind the fillies in an usher’s uniform. “Right this way, please, sit for your introduction to… THE MASK!” She jumped right in front of them, grinning.

“Do all of you try to scare us?” Scootaloo asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not sure…” the Mask admitted.

Fluttershy shrugged. “It’s okay girls, the Mask is on our side.”

“Figured that out,” Sweetie said.

“So, do you mind telling us what Applejack did?”

Apple Bloom cleared her throat. “well, she was talkin’ to herself, and then…”