A/N: This is just crazy. So many likes, favs, and comments. It is overwhelming the response to this. I am hoping that I can create a story that everyone will enjoy but I am still a novice writer so don't expect something amazing that isn't filled with mistakes. I hope you all enjoy reading this and thank you for getting me to the feature box.
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Gavin was the first to wake up. He began to look at his surroundings. The floors and walls were made of wood, almost as if it was carved straight from a tree. He saw shelves lined with books, probably hundreds of them. Then it hit him.
This wasn't the Achievement Hunter office.
Quickly he woke up his friends, much to their annoyance, but this was to crazy for them to sleep through.
"Gavin what the heck is going on? Where the hell are we?" Geoff was curious to what was happening. He knew this wasn't the Achievement Hunter office straight away but he needed to stay calm so the fools around him didn't panic.
"I know it may be far-fetched and probably an utterly ridiculous thought," they all watched in anticipation, "but I think we are inside a tree." They all facepalmed.
"I wonder what gave that away, oh right, maybe it's the fact that this place is obviously carved from the inside of a tree." Ray chimed in, "That is the least of our concerns though. I think we should be more worried that this isn't the Achievement Hunter office," Ray walked over to the window and peered out, "and by the looks of what is outside this isn't Austin, or Earth for that matter."
The rest of them proceeded to go look out the window as well. What they saw surprised them all. To their horror or delight they saw many pastel colored ponies walking around and going about their business. Some were doing shopping while some were setting up shops. Some were talking with friends while some were walking alone.
Jack and Geoff backed away in horror.
"My greatest fear has come true," Jack was dumbfounded, "I am in my little pony. I can't believe this is happening."
"Took the words right out of my mouth," Geoff was still trying his best to be calm even though he was finding that to be a difficult task.
Michael and Ray could not hold it any longer, "WE'RE IN EQUESTRIA, FUCK YEAH!" They jumped up into the air and high-fived harder than they ever have before.
Through the whole conversation they never realized that a certain purple mare was watching them with the most quizzical look she had ever had. She never in her life saw such strange creatures. Maybe using the summoning spell wasn't the brightest idea but there was no use now.
"You five are very strange."
All of them looked at her immediately causing her to jump back in surprise. She quickly regained herself so she could inform them of what is happening.
"Ahem. My name is Twilight Sparkle. Element of Magic, Personal student of princess Celestia, and the one who has summoned you all," They just stared at her, "I have summoned you because you are the greatest achievers in the universe and I need your assistance."
"No," Geoff bluntly stated.
"What do you mean no?"
"I mean that we will not help you. We don't have time for this. We have lives. I have a family. You need to send us all back. Now."
"Bu-But."
"No buts. You will send us back and you will do it right now."
Twilight hung her head low. As smart as she is she didn't realize that by summoning someone she could be uprooting their lives.
"Okay. I'll go get the spell to send you back," Twilight walked away into the main parts of the library to find the book that will send them back, leaving the Achievement Hunters to converse.
"You could have been a little nicer about it," Michael said.
"She took us from our home, from our planet, from the people we love. There is no reason for us to be nice about it," swiftly the conversation ended.
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As Twilight was bringing the spell book back upstairs to send the five back she thought about what she did. How could she have been so stupid? Why didn't she think about how she would feel if someone summoned her away from her family and friends? As smart as she was this was just terrible. She just hoped that the princess didn't find out about this.
When she reached the bedroom where they all were standing she was met with stares. Jack and Geoff had stares of anger while Michael, Ray, and Gavin were looking at her with pity for what Geoff had said.
"I'm sorry for doing this, I didn't real-"
"Just send us back," Geoff was not in the mood for this.
"Okay," Twilight began to cast the spell that would send them back. As she focused all of her energy into her horn until it grew brighter and brighter and then, nothing. The spell had died out at the last second. As if something was cancelling it from happening.
"Why aren't we back yet?" Jack finally took over for Geoff.
"I don't know, something is cancelling out the spell. Whatever is stopping it doesn't seem to want you to go back."
Geoff could not take it anymore, "God dammit! What is wrong with you! You bring us to this god forsaken world without even thinking of what could happen, you take us away from our family and friends, and then you tell us that we can't even go back!"
"I'm sorry! I just needed help! None of my friends would have been able to help me and I didn't want to bother the princess with it since she is so busy! I just- I just didn't know what to do.."
Before anyone could say anything a bright light appeared in the library causing everyone to cover their eyes. When the light was gone there flying was none other than princess Celestia herself.
"Twilight Sparkle!" A tone to her voice that sent chills down everyone's spine.
This was not going to be good.
Yeah I know. My pacing is pretty terrible. I promise I'll try to get better with that. I also have plenty of clever ideas ahead I just don't want to rush into it so these chapters are kind of like a set up for what is to come. Hopefully I can get better at writing while still being able to keep people interested in this. Again thank you all for the support and getting me in the feature box. Never thought that would happen. Enjoy!
Likin' the story so far. Ready to read the next chapter! In other words, my body is ready for chapter two :) Also, FIRST besides author.
EDIT: good chapter. There weren't enough spelling/grammar mistakes for me to notice them without looking specifically for them, so that's good. The only thing I would have changed is the length of the chapters. You kind of made up for that with the two chapters in one day, but the anticipation that i'm getting from the short length is killing me. And why are Geoff and Jack so annoyed at the fact that they're in Equestria? Even so, the others that high-fived and cussed over it a second ago aren't saying anything while Twilight attempts a spell to make their fantasy short-lived?
2ND EDIT: Whoa, this story is blowin' up!!!!! You've been in the featured box for like 2 DAYS STRAIGHT!!! Luv dis.
two in one day! hooray!!
Yay
I love this. However, I agree that the pacing is... not great. In addition, while the grammar isn't BAD, per se, it does seem to lack elements that could make the story flow a little better- for example, the use of semicolons, more commas, and better adverbs/adjectives.
I hope your writing improves as the story goes on, because the premise is great. Also, try to make Ray and Michael more realistic- they would be WAY more exited and probably start a huge argument with Geoff and Jack.
1069458 How about this?
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2822_large.jpg
Man, Geoff is a dick.
good job
This story pleases me.
michael needs a bigger part
but otherwise it's good
1070024 i literally read the first chapter an hour ago, then i get an update saying the next chapter was released.
1070086 I'd be pissed too if I was dragged away from my wife and children who depend on me.
1070165 Doesn't matter. Dicky McGee, Geoff is he.
Ya I'd probribly react almost the same way as Geoff...but I'd be flattered to be called the greatest achiever in the universe
Impressive premise...
1069985
Four tips that I can think of:
1. Longer chapters.
2. Slower pace.
3. Better descriptions,
4. Better AH characterization.
The first three are quite intertwined. Here's a test: Try writing a scene where the characters stay in one place, and keep them there for at least 2500 words, more if possible. Other characters could come and go during the scene, but the setting has to stay the same, and there can't be any timeskips. The best way to do this? Describe. If you visualize the characters making small movements to convey what they're saying better, translate their movements into writing. As an example, don't just have Twilight worry about these new ponies she just brought to their world, have her do something while worrying, like pacing back and forth.
If the characters are visiting an unfamiliar setting, describe what they see. Other characters may interpret it differently, so that may be something that you'll want to include. As an example, while Micheal and Ray would see Equestria as. well, Equestria, Geoff and Jack would see it as "a world filled with annoying pastel-colored talking ponies".
For the fourth, the best thing to do for that is to start listening to the podcasts to get a better feel for how they act. The podcasts are much longer and unfiltered compared to things like the Minecraft videos, and should give you a better idea of how they act.
shouldn't michael be defending twi alot more from geoff?
also, they are so screwed, and plz don't let cele turn them into ponies.
oooooh busted
No. This is going to be good.
1070086
Not really, It would suck to leave my family, friends, and humanity behind.
AW SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WUWHOOO ANOTHER CHAPTER IN ONE DAY
and celstia appears shit's about to get real
Doing good so far, though pacing is fast.
Keep up the good work my good man.
Did you by any chance go to RTX?
Their reactions were about I thought would happen.
Ever since I've read My Little Caboose: Blue is Magic, I've always wondered how the Roosterteeth team would fare in equestria. It seems my thoughts are about to be answered.
DUN DUN DUNNN
remember who micheal and ray have as fave pony! micheal is an RD fan and ray favors twily :D thumb up faved/tracked woot!! listen to the podcasts thats important :3
1070086 Agreed. Granted, I don't want to be taken from my own family, but he could've been a shade nicer about it.
Dude... you combined like the two best groups of people in all of history!!!
Best part... "aw crap how'd we get here?"
"We're in equestria, Fuck yeah!
1070134 I would of expected him to object to coming back to Austin, TX.
1070726 as would i
1070083 I also considered using that one, but I decided to use the one with more "Yes Yes Yes," -es
I need more....
i normally dont read any stories with humans in it but this sounds just to funny
I'm suprised Jack isnt as pissed off to be there since he truely has a distaste for the show. No hate towards Jack or anything, I'm just saying. He is not a fan of the show at all.
1070928 No, it's okay to hate Jack.
The Achievment Hunters? In... Equestria? ... Excuse me while I clean my paits of this giant white stain... This will defiantly be the best thing ever written!
If you don't get the above joke, then fuck you and start listening to the podcast!
I'm really enjoying the premise, but I hope your future chapters will have a slower pace. I also believe that Gavin should totally be shipped with Derpy. Just saying. Can't wait to see what happens next! :D
Cliffhangers!! Why?!?!
Saw this on my little top stories thing, started laughing, and had to read it. I knew Michael and Ray are both bronies, but I knew Geoff didn't really like it, so I had to read it. No I just gotta read it...
SAD NO NOT THE END! I feel like Im looking at the rape train gif, I had it open in my browser and kept forgetting to close it, so I would just laugh.
Question: Is Micheal actually a brony? And if so who actually is?
*EDIT: Yes, in fact, Micheal IS a brony. Awesome.
awesome
gifninja.com/animatedgifs/133166/srsly.gif
1070083 When I was scrollling ddown, this fuckked up my eyyes and now I can't tyype. Tthanks.
I'm still waiting on Gavin's reaction, to me, he seems indifferent of the show. But I KNOW that this story holds promise and I really want to see what it brings. Keep goin and stay golden^^
Geoff isn't that much of a dick, but overall very good, and well deserving of a spot in the feature box. This should be very interesting
TWO WORDS...I CAME...END OF STORY...lk man its an awesome fic and you definatley deserve a like, fave, and a follower
As long as you actually have a full story planned out, this has some potential. As everyone else has said, the main thing you need to work on is pacing. All this happened way too fast.
Although, as long as you're willing to try and improve as the story goes on, I'm willing to give this a shot. Do your best. It's all anyone can ask of you.