Silver Star crossed the boarding platform, one hoof extended to touch the railing. He’d never seen the moon from so high before, where even the newest domes looked like little mounds of gray dirt broken by the occasional skylight. Thousands of ponies were down there now, all watching this mission.
Guess they got their invasion after all, he thought, stopping beside the waiting outer airlock door. We knew we would be returning for revenge on Equestria for hundreds of years. Hopefully our ancestors don’t mind if we’ve changed our goals around.
“Is something wrong, Terra 2?” hissed a voice in his suit radio, startling him. “Do you see something on the rocket the engineers missed?”
“No, Command, just appreciating the scenery.” He turned back toward Moonrise, scanning the uneven surface’s many windows for the one that Magpie would be watching from. They all looked the same from here—but he waved anyway, just in case. Only then did he finally enter the airlock.
The door slid closed behind him, then began to hiss as atmosphere flooded in. He waited in relative stillness, going over the mission in his head one last time.
She wasn’t supposed to be awake yet. After all the years he had waited, it could’ve been many more before Magpie ever woke up again.
The inner door opened, and he bounced his way into the capsule. There was space in the launch section for three ponies—one upper command chair, and two lower systems chairs.
The other two creatures on this mission were already here—Daystar, another crystal pony, one who had apparently given up on pretending and just removed her helmet completely.
“You showed up,” she said, looking up from the computer terminal. Even through his helmet he could still feel the heat that massive thing produced. Daystar tended to it like a mother to a sickly child, her head only occasionally poking out from behind the display. “I was wondering if we were going to get scrubbed again.”
Past the computer station was his own, the pilot’s chair. In a way, he was only here as redundancy for the computer. But given how experimental that machine was, he expected it to fail before they landed, and to be making most of the decisions himself.
“It wouldn’t be right to delay the Terra mission, even over such a significant miracle,” Luna said. She was shorter than either of them by a considerable margin, even with her horn. But it didn’t matter if she knew the Iron Quill the least. All Moonrise agreed that the first pony to fly back to Equestria ought to be the only one who had ever seen it in the first place. “How is she, Silver?”
“Like she’s been frozen in time,” he answered. “The battle for Moonrise was still fresh. But she remembered me, so I’ll take it.”
“Terra, please complete preflight checks,” said a voice. “Terra 2, verify the responsiveness of the high-grav navigation systems. This isn’t a one-way trip.”
Silver nodded, removing a clipboard near his seat. He settled into the pilot’s chair, running over the checks that the others had probably already done while he was gone. He ran through the procedure as calmly and methodically as he could, marking and verifying each as they acted the way he expected.
But he’d already known it would all be working—this wasn’t their first launch. Silver wouldn’t be the first pony to fly, though he would get to be one of the first to fall.
“Preflight navigation complete,” he said, about half an hour later. “No failures to report.”
“Then we’re green for fuel loading,” Command responded. “Terra 1, keep an eye on the temperature. If we see pre-ignition, you’ll only have seconds to get everypony out.”
“I know.” Luna reclined in the command chair, watching her own suite of gages and sensors that Silver couldn’t see. “I’m watching. I’m just not expecting to do anything. We haven’t had a launchpad detonation in… how long, Command?”
“Six years,” Command answered. “Not in the last eight missions, Terra 1.”
The princess shifted uneasily in her seat, lifting her helmet from beside her and securing it over her head. “Next time Command, just give me the duration. Six years sounds better than eight missions.”
“You got it, Terra 1. Sit tight, we’ve got green pressure readings across the system. This won’t be long.”
It wasn’t. Silver went over the prelaunch procedure one final time, while Daystar did the same thing just beside him. The computer she controlled would take them on a precisely optimized path down to Equestria, right down to the landing site. But if it failed, Silver had a detailed chart of similar paths he could take, with vectors and times and fuel calculations.
The mission might be tighter, if more of the crew needed to breathe.
“Orbital is coming into position,” Command said. “You have a two-minute launch window. Begin pre-ignition sequence.”
Silver flipped up a single plastic cover, and pressed the button underneath. The floor shook under their hooves, pumps grinding and churning. “Pressurization complete,” he said.
“One minute to ignition,” Command responded. “Watch for abort flags.”
Silver settled into his seat, listening to the distant countdown. What must Moonrise be thinking?
“Do you have anything to say, Terra 1?” Daystar asked. “For when they’re playing this recording for the next thousand years?”
Silver looked up and over his shoulders, meeting the princess’s eyes. Her ears were flat, her coat plastered down with sweat. She had been thinking about this, maybe more than the actual flight. Apparently she’d been crying too. She reached over, adjusting her microphone and fumbling with a sheet of paper.
The princess had barely aged over the last few centuries, and was nowhere near as mature sounding as she had been when Silver first met her. But the ponies of Moonrise hadn’t been alive for that. Their princess had always been the ambitious, adorable Alicorn of today.
“A thousand years ago, your ancestors were banished here for fighting in a war we couldn’t win. Flying back to Equestria will not be a return home—we know where we belong. Though Equestria hasn’t or can’t respond to our radio messages, we declare that this is not an invasion.
“Instead, we hope that the Terra mission will be an opportunity for forgiveness, for us and the ponies we left behind.”
It wasn’t a terribly long speech. She had less than a minute to give it, with Command counting down all the time.
“Ten,” Command said, loud enough to startle all three of them back to their stations. “Ignition.”
What had been a gentle rumble beneath them transformed into a roar as preburn shook the Iron Quill in its moorings. Silver barely even heard the count of one, but he felt the clamps release them, watching a dozen different dials and readouts for any sign of danger. With the princess aboard, they might be able to teleport away from a disaster before it shattered them, if she was fast enough.
Silver pressed down into his seat, as the thrust of their flight accelerated them up and away from the moon’s gravity. He barely even sunk into the rigid foam—the real test would be when they launched from high-grav.
But they didn’t teleport away. Silver’s altimeter showed the moon fading faster and faster, and the single display before him lit up with tracking information for the orbital module, waiting for them to dock. He watched from his single small window as Tranquility faded below him, hopefully not for the last time.
“Docking pattern with orbital harness is synchronized,” Daystar said, as the launch thrusters finally fell still.
“How do you read?” Command asked.
“Life support nominal. Fuel within margin. Trajectory looks good,” Silver said.
“Final abort window doesn’t come until the first Equus burn,” Command said, as though they didn’t already know that. But maybe the princess didn’t. Silver might be bold, but he wasn’t bold enough to tell an Alicorn what to do. “Don’t be afraid to make the call if you have to, Terra 1.”
The princess laughed into her radio. “Only if we have to.”
honestly this epilogue was really disappointing, no reaction to the return of Luna and the Luna ponies, no celestia/luna interaction, no showing how the moon city changed the canon of MLP , it just underwhelming
personally i ended it with twilight and the mane six visiting moonrise on a tour of a museum, in a hall of heros showing of all the main characters of this fic, with twilight happy at the science renaissance that Luna ponies brought
10339780
I kinda agree with the first part of it.
Though, perhaps, some things are better to be left to imagination.
An adventure to be sure. Sadly we missed the payoff a thousand years in the making...
Looking forward to future stories!
10339785
10339780
Personally I was expecting at least a reunion scene between Celestia and Luna. Beyond that I have no qualms with how Starscribe chose to end the story, as although the end was somewhat sudden, there really weren't any narrative threads left.
I'm fine with this epilogue. Yes, there's much left untold, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. After all, it leaves the possibility of a sequel open. And it does cover the needed bases. This was never about the Mane Six. It was about the journey of the Lunarians from desperate refugees to a civilization recapturing the glory lost to time and horror.
And what a journey it was, from surviving the environment to surviving shifts in culture and eldritch intervention. I do wish I could've seen Celestia's face when the lander first set down, but this was still fantastic work. Thank you for it, Starscribe.
What is odd about canon would be that moonrise would be far more technologically advanced than equestria.
I'm so happy they were accepted.
This story has had a lot of highs and lows, but you've kept me hooked since the start, following closely with each update. And I've gotta say that that's good enough for me.
Wow, I wasn't expecting this chapter to be the last. Maybe I just wasn't ready for it to end, but this feels like another instance of too fast of time skips. The rocket launch was a bit sudden, but not too bad. The real skip was jumping then to Magpie visiting her old village. I feel like there could have been a couple more connecting threads. At least Luna and Celestia meeting again could have been addressed.
I guess I just feel like there was still story to tell. Either way, this was a good story. Definitely going into my favorites.
Very anticlimactic. The story needed a satisfying ending and you almost made it. Magpie's return to her old home was a nice touch but the story was not about her. It needed Luna to come full circle. As little as a couple of paragraphs where the sisters reunited would have done the trick. Two words would have been enough dialog. "Welcome home."
Great story, though the epilogue is a bit disappointing to be honest. It really feels like more of an after thought and doesn't match the scope of the story that precedes it.
10339817
This.
Thank you so much for the story, it gave me something to look forward to every week.
If you ever feel inclined to do a bonus chapter on how the first contact went that would be cool to see.
And it is finally over. What a journey. At least Magpie got some closure. Perhaps the epilogue could have been better, but this story really was more the journey than the destination.
Welp, time to blow up my colony in surviving mars
Ah, the mention of Foundation... The time line jumps make a lot more sense now that I know what style you were going for.
Enjoyable story! Though I think I enjoyed the early parts of their desperate survival more than the rest.
I'm going to concur with many of the commenters here; this chapter didn't need much more, but either the first contact meeting or the Celestia/Luna meeting feels sorely missing. (Either one would be fine. Don't need both.)
10339810
Necessity is the mother of invention
Just gonna chime in and echo the sentiment that this ending feels... incomplete.
I feel like the narrative would've benefited from coming full circle with the conflict that started it off. Luna led the rebellion because the serfs were being mistreated. Would've been nice if we could see her getting some closure by seeing that Celestia has finally built a society that isn't abusing its underclass.
At the very least, I think it deserved a scene of Luna reuniting with Celestia. Simply being told that everything went smoothly off-screen doesn't quite cut it as a resolution for a thousand-year exile.
Needs first contact.
I hope you decide to write a sequel or continuation of this some day, it's by far my favourite of your works, in fact I made this account just so I could get updates on Harsh Mistress, the sci-fi tones of the early parts were amazing, and the latter more story focused portions were just as good. You did good here Scribe, Real good, I'll be sure to stick around for your next great work.
10340012
I agree with you. I'll do something about it.
10340227
Amazing story, as usual : )
But yeah, I think it probably needs first steps of moonponies back on normal planet's soil. Probably Celestia-Luna reunion. Probably Twilight's freakouts about aliens and invasion. But ending in itself is solid and impact full.
What. A. Journey.
And that last scene... I- I need a second.
10339817
I mostly agree... though for Luna, Equis is no longer home.
EDIT: wait... the story is marked "Incomplete" again?
Dare we dream?!
Thank you for writing this story.
And that's that, I guess?
10340414
I think I'd like to add one more short chapter focused more on Luna's return home, even though she was more of a supporting character than a main one. Even if the narrative never starred her, I can see why MLP fanfiction would want to give her a little more spotlight time.
10340859
It's not just the lack of mention of Luna that's the problem for me. It's that there was no real fanfare to them returning to Equestria after all this time. It just... happened. And not even on screen.
Not to mention I don't even understand the time skip to Magpie. I mean, I didn't feel like Magpie was that big a character unlike all the others. She barely did anything after all. And I don't even know what she's doing at the end there. I don't remember her backstory enough to understand the significance.
I just feel like this epilogue didn't focus on what it should've. Not one pony, but all of them. The accomplishment of getting back home, the acceptance. Not just of Luna, but the entirety of Moonrise. One last obstacle to overcome.
We didn't get that with this epilogue. We got a mention of the obstacle - getting there and returning and everything in between - and then it was never mentioned again. Skipped over.
Honestly, I feel like one of the biggest problems this story has is that there wasn't really a resolution to each character's arc. It was always skipped or glossed over.
The story is about Moonrise, generation after generation on the Moon, the trials they overcome so on so forth. But you have to tell that story through the ponies that live in Moonrise, from the high to the low. You did that, each arc had a character, telling the story of Moonrise through them.
But every time an arc ended, it ended abruptly, and we only heard about the events of the arc ending after they happened. The same is true even for this final arc.
There's also the fact that some things simply weren't resolved, in part because of these skips. We missed characters dying, we missed how they overcome their trials, we missed so much.
The characters are important. Just as important as the overarching story. So to not see them overcome their trials, to not see them improve Moonrise in their own way, it's... Honestly stupid.
And as said, we missed resolutions. How was Moonrise formed as a city from what it started as? How were the Gatecrashers formed? So on so forth. Hell, one of the most overarching plotlines - I can't even remember the name of the thing. With the vault - it was completely forgotten. After the last characters left, it was forgotten. No more mention. Full stop. There wasn't even any mention when Nightmare was finally defeated. Considering it was a part of almost every arc - correction, it *was* a part of every arc - to have it just forgotten like that is... Confusing. No resolution for it. What was its ultimate goal, just to destroy the Nightmare? Is it still playing a part in Moonrise's growth? Is it still watching? Etc etc.
And finally, at the very end, I feel like of all the characters to focus on, Magpie is the least deserving. As I said in my last comment, Magpie did barely anything at all in the story. She barely helped Moonrise. The best she did was fight in the final battle, and not even for very long. She aided Silver and Luna, and that's it. So to focus on her of all characters, not Silver or hell even a random pony or group of ponies or Moonrise as a whole, feels cheap.
The final arc was from her perspective, sure, but in that arc, not much was accomplished. I mean sure, they did the big thing of defeating the Nightmare once and for all (supposedly) but in the grand scheme of things that's... not that great. Especially when she had such a relatively small part to play.
Don't get me wrong; I loved the story. Starscribe stories are great. But the execution of this one was questionable, especially at certain points as mentioned above. This epilogue as well is... Not disappointing, but odd. Focusing on the wrong things and glossing over others as the other arcs have done.
There's probably other big problems that I'm forgetting, but this is the main one I'm thinking of at this point.
I really wanted too see how the society's would interact with each other. Like, we never got to know what society became during the second to last timeskip, more details on that would be appreciated and talking about the culture shock between Equestria and this new Society is by far one of the things I've been interested in the entire time. Not seeing... any of that was a big let down, but it's not over yet so I'll hold out hope. If you write the first arival, don't forget to include Silver and the other's reactions to Equestria and Equestria's reaction to them, not just focusing on Luna. At least, that's what I hope you do.
I have loved this story from beginning to end, and while Im sad to see it end, Im excited to see what you write next
10341160
Well, regarding the Vault... there are two things to take into account. First, early Moonrise was populated by an army, and they hoped for a weapon. If ponies of the latest generation still believed it contains a weapon, they might well leave it alone. And second... I like to think that by that time (and probably since the Silver's revolution) they had it with higher powers telling them what to do and how to live. Let old super-powerful computer lord over the ruins - they would rather build their own life.
The story didn't end up being the sort of thing I expected from the first two parts, but I think I still got enjoyment out of the rest of what was rather than being too bothered by what could have been (and I wasn't the one who commissioned the story, of course). Thanks for writing. :)
10341802
That's all fine and dandy, but the problem is that it already became a part of the story. You can't just abandon plotlines like that, they need a resolution.
Even if it was just - in the final interaction - a paragraph or two of Silver telling it to fuck off and it doing so.
Throughout the story it became too entwined in Moonrise's plot, to the point that it literally started controlling and influencing at least parts of ponies (It stole one character's eyesight so it could see, it gave Silver if not immunity, then incredible resistence to cold, so on so forth) and we never really saw anything that said that stopped.
The only thing I could think of that could even hint that it stopped would be Silver turning into a Crystal Pony. I would assume that would sever whatever connection was had, but it's never mentioned.
When you have such important plotlines you can't resolve them off-screen, it leaves things unfinished, forgotten. It leaves too many big questions. While yes, you could leave it up to interpretation, with this story there's so many different things - as said in the comment, all the arcs - left unresolved. You can't leave all of it up to interpretation, because at that point you're basically writing half a story and telling the readers to fill in the blanks.
Errr so I guess all that business with Vanheimer and the Polestar, and Luna, and all that...well, the everything, wasn't important after all.
I enjoy all of your stories Starscribe but this one it looks like you accidentally clicked the submit button and just decided to stick with it.
This story is so enjoyable. I looked forward to having a new chapter every Saturday. I am glad that it has a good ending. I will miss it so. Thanks for writing. I have enjoyed from the meeting of Iron Quill and Penumbra to Magpie and Silver. Great characters. I liked the time skips and how we got to see what the characters did and what became of it.
Somehow I awww'ed.
Equestria: "The best we can do is smoke signals."
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
Even if -as some had already pointed out- the ending was quite sudden. I would have expected a bit, well, more to happen.