• Published 1st Feb 2019
  • 4,572 Views, 992 Comments

The League of Sweetie Belles - GMBlackjack



A team of multiversal explorers comprised of alternate Sweetie Belles explore fanfic worlds and beyond!

  • ...
17
 992
 4,572

PreviousChapters Next
This Bonus Chapter Is Bad And You Should Skip It, Go To Twilight Vs Anime, Save Yourself (Pickles and Milk)

One day, Cinder was sitting in Swip’s dining area when Burgerbelle rolled in on a skateboard wearing pixelated shades. Her arms were crossed, fingers splayed in gang gestures. “Thug lyfe,” she said.

Cinder’s first instinct was to ignore her - but today, something kept Cinder from just dismissing the Flat’s antics.

This was the worst decision she had made in quite a while.

“Hey, Burgerbelle… why are you the way you are?”

“Please elaborate, citizen,” Burgerbelle said, ditching the sunglasses and skateboard to sit daintily on the table in front of her.

“I mean, everything we see isn’t… ‘flat’. All the others exist in the same sort of space - Blink, Nira - all of us. We have different magic and that sort of thing, but you are… way out there. And I’ve never seen anything even close to you anywhere else - Pinkies don’t even really compare to what you are.”

Suddenly, Burgerbelle was holding two pills - a blue one and a red one. “Wanna see how deep the rabbit hole goes?”

“…Are you offering to show me something about yourself?”

Burgerbelle nodded. “My home has been destroyed for a long time. But I can take you somewhere like it. So, rabbit hole?”

“Eh, sure. Not like I’m doing a-“

Burgerbelle stuffed both pills into Cinder’s mouth at once, startling her enough so she could be thrown into a dimensional portal. “WELCOME ABOARD THE CRAZY TRAIN! POPULATION: CINDER!”

~~~

Spades Duck needed to get Blue Tea, his wife, pickles and eggs. Or was it eggs and pickles? Perhaps pickled egg egg pickle or pickles eggs pickles and pickles or eggs eggs pickles and spam or spam spam spam spam spam spam spam.

Probably spam, if he was being honest. Which he couldn’t be since he wasn’t Applejack. Shut up, that’s definitely how it works.

Wait, I’m not Applejack…

Spades ran to the 8/12, but he was unfortunately stopped by a tag-team duo of changeling queens. If he was a betting man - and he was wasn’t - he would have said they were Chrysalis and Kissylips. No relation.

…I have just been informed they’re twins. Carry on.

“We are the twin sisters Chrysalis and Kissylips!”

“Hey! Stop being redundant!” Pinkie Pie called from atop a floating borger, which is like a regular burger, except it has a Pinkie Pie on top.

“We are not redundant! It is thou who art redundant!”

Spades Duck ignored them, walking into the 8/12. Except it wasn’t an 8/12. It was…

“Welcome to Bradburger, home of the Brad burger, how may I Brad your burger?” Burgerbelle asked. She was a creature one might call a human, if that someone was an absolute moron. Just because something has two arms and two legs does not make it a human. Exhibit A: chimps. Exhibit B: lizards. Exhibit C: the left ventricle of Anasui’nelith. Exhibit D: Burgerbelle, a Flat being from a world where two dimensions are king. Queen.

“I’d like a borger please,” Spades Duck requested, all the while wondering where the 8/12 had gone.

A borger smashed through the ceiling. “Hi!” Pinkie Pie said, growing several hundred times too large to be contained within the room. This, naturally, prompted the establishment to transform into a borger and roll down the hill and into the river, where it was promptly feasted upon by changelings.

“That’s a lotta damage,” Burgerbelle said with a whistle.

“What in Celestia’s holy name is going on here…?” Cinder said, aghast. She clearly didn’t belong here, being a unicorn of a young persuasion and sparkling orange eyes. There was far too much detail in her fur and facial expressions, so much so that it made Spades Duck uncomfortable.

Oh, and she looked like Sweetie Belle, except somehow worse. Screw that filly.

“You! Hey, you!” Cinder waved over to Spades Duck. “You look important. What’s going on h-“

Spades Duck took out his ACME Husbando Sword (Order now and get two swords for the price of three! That’s a great deal!) and attacked Cinder with so much amazing gusto the fight didn’t even need to be seen to be beheld. Soon Cinder was nothing more than bloody chunks on the ground…

All those pieces turned into changeling limbs, revealing her to be nothing more than a changeling in disguise.

Cinder shook her head. “That doesn’t make any sense! I was right there, I saw the sword coming, I lifted the wall of fire and…” The wall of fire was behind her. It engulfed her and tossed her into the river where the Borger was.

“Silly filly, don’t you know it’s wrong to play with fire?” Pinkie asked.

Cinder groaned, ramming her face into the sesame-seed bun. “Wake me when it’s over.”

Spades Duck, happy that he had vanquished the annoying filly, turned back to Burgerbelle. “I demand pickles and milk.”

“How about a flashlight?”

“That’ll do nicely.”

Burgerbelle pulled a pair of ponies - Twilight Sparkle and Flash Sentry - who were busy snogging on each other. They were so focused they didn’t even notice they were thrown at Spades Duck.

Cheerilee and Kissylips walked in and were promptly flattened by Spades Duck and the Flashlight ball. On and on and on and - never mind.

Back at the borger, Cinder tore her head out of the ground. “That’s it, something’s wrong here. BURGERBELLE WE NEED TO LEAVE!”

“But we haven’t even gotten to see Blue Tea, Spades Duck’s wife!”

“Who and who!?”

I NEED MY MILK AND PICKLES!” The pregananerant monstrosity droned.

“The giant has awoken…” Spades Duck said in horror, trying to ignore the feeling of Twilight’s saliva on his ear.

WHERE ARE MY MILK AND PICKLES!?” Blue Tea, Spades Duck’s wife, gorglighed, stomping into the river and flattening the borger, definitely killing Pinkie. Definitely.

“Screw you.”

Must be an echo.

“I blame the paper thing!” Spades Duck scrambled.

Blue Tea, Spades Duck’s wife, looked down at Burgerbelle.

Burgerbelle pulled out a stick of bubblegum. It spontaneously transformed into a toblerone and shattered into a million pieces. “Looks like I’m all out of bubblegum.” She proceeded to take out a fl͘oati͟ng ̷ca͢n of͢ ̛Bu̡tt͜ ̷Wh͟o̶op̕in.

“B-burgerbelle, what’s that…?” Cinder said, paling.

“What’s what?” Spades Duck asked, not looking at the fl͘oati͟ng ̷ca͢n of͢ ̛Bu̡tt͜ ̷Wh͟o̶op̕in. Refusing to look at it. It wasn’t real. Totally.

“That… THING!” Cinder pointed. “It doesn’t look safe! It looks like it doesn’t belong!”

“What, the fl͘oati͟ng ̷ca͢n of͢ ̛Bu̡tt͜ ̷Wh͟o̶op̕in?” Burgerbelle asked. “Oh don’t you worry, it’s about to get worse…” She moved her hand to pop the can open.

“YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND ITS POWER!” Kissylips shouted.

“I CANNOT LET THOU OPEN THAT!” Luna shouted, coming out of nowhere with the fabled Warhammer of Zillyhoo.

Burgerbelle opened the can anyway.

There were butts everywhere.

And then there was a loading screen. Spades Duck found himself sitting in a waiting room with everyone else.

Cinder was freaking out. “Why is everyone so calm!? Why are we just sitting here!? What I-“

The update was done, everyone moved up their echeladders, and the borger returned.

“YOU CAN’T KILL SUCTION CUP PONY!” Pinkie shouted.

“Seen enough?” Burgerbelle asked.

“…Yes…” Cinder said, shaking her head. “I… I still don’t understand, but I’ve seen enough.”

“Good.” Burgerbelle put her hands in front of her face in some anime pose - you choose, it doesn’t really matter which one. “Burgerbelle and Cinder out, peace!”

The two vanished.

In their place was a jar of pickles and a jar of milk.

“Huh. Neat,” Spades Duck said. He picked them up and returned home to his wife.

She gave birth to more borgers. The exact number is unknown.

Author's Note:

I tried to warn you to skip this. I really did.

I was offered a chance by moonbutters to write a guest chapter for his delightfully horrible fic, Pickles and Milk. I can't recommend it. I can't tell you that this 'chapter' was a good idea. What I can tell you is that if you do go over there, we shall send this story to oblivion. Together.

-GM, master of stories.

PreviousChapters Next