Over Land and Sea

by Wessexbrony

Zero Hour

Sunday 13th May

As the final game of the Premier League season approached, there were still two unanswered questions. The first one was whether Wigan, West Ham or Sheffield United would be relegated, joining Watford and Charlton in the Championship the following season. The second, and more important from many points of view, was whether the title would go back to Old Trafford for the first time in four years, or remain at Stamford Bridge for the third season running.

“Final day of the league season,” I said, as Dinky cuddled up to me, “And it seems like only yesterday that we were due to host West Ham.”

“So this is a direct shoot-out for the title?” Dinky asked.

“Almost,” I said, “Due to goal difference, we need to win 2-0 or better. But we beat them 2-0 at Old Trafford back in October, so it’s certainly possible.”

Sky Sports News covered the game in greater detail as I put some pancakes in the microwave and a muffin in the toaster before frying a couple of eggs.

“...and so a reminder that this is how the league table looks ahead of today’s title showdown at Stamford Bridge:

1 Man Utd 86pts GD +55
2 Chelsea 83pts GD +52

Chelsea, therefore, must win by at least two goals to finish as champions. Manchester United’s fans and players, when asked by Sky Sports News, have said that they are fully confident of taking the title, whilst in an interview yesterday, John Terry said that the fans could make the difference…”

I allowed myself a smile as Dinky attacked her breakfast with gusto. Evidently, she’d taken my words from the morning of the Champions League game at Anfield to heart.

“...down at the bottom, Sheffield United know that avoiding defeat will almost certainly be enough for them to stay in the Premier League…”

“Ready?” I asked that afternoon.

“We’re too close to be nervous now,” Dinky replied.

“Welcome to the last Big Match Live of the Premier League season,” Big Match said, “Not since 1999 have we come into this day with the title still up for grabs, and not since 1989 has it been a direct shoot-out for the title.”

“Well, we all know that the title will be decided here,” Kick Off said, as the camera showed the spectators – human and pony – arriving at the ground, “But who it’ll go to remains anyone’s guess. In the blue corner, an in-form Chelsea side with home advantage. In the red corner, Manchester United, who’ve been top since August and only need a draw, but have seen their lead at the top whittled away since March. And of course, it’s against United that Chelsea won the title last season – although they only needed a point.”

The three of us took our seats. The teams were read out, Dinky and Rainbow Dash both took a deep breath, and then the Liquidator began to play.

“When the fixtures were announced, who would have thought that the title would be decided by this one game?” Kick Off said, as the teams walked onto the pitch.

“Well, Chelsea know that not only do they have to win, they have to win by two clear goals,” Full Time added.

“This incredible title race down has gone down to the last day, and both Mourinho and Ferguson name the sides you’d expect,” Kick Off said, “It’s Zero Hour in the title race, it’s Chelsea against Manchester United, and it’s live!”

Chelsea went straight for the jugular from the start, and three minutes in, Lampard played a through ball to Joe Cole, who tackled Ferdinand before taking a shot which was tipped behind by van der Sar. The resulting corner was cleared, but only to Ashley Cole, whose shot was deflected to Makelele, who sent the ball wide.

“It isn’t often that you see Makelele score…” Dinky muttered under her breath.

“Too many in the box for him to pass,” Rainbow Dash replied.

Chelsea continued to search for an early goal, and four minutes later, Robben got down the left before sending in a cross, which was cleared by Vidic ahead of Drogba.

Whilst Kick Off and Full Time were commentating on this match, there were also updates from elsewhere in the league, especially down at the bottom.

“We can tell you that there has been a goal at Bramall Lane, and it’s Ashley Young who’s opened the scoring for Aston Villa.” Kick Off said, “That doesn’t change anything at the bottom, though…”

With fifteen minutes gone, a header back by Larsson was intercepted by Makelele, who passed to Ballack. Ballack played in Drogba, who beat Vidic in the area before Ferdinand cleared.

Two minutes later, Drogba was penalised for jumping unfairly with Ronaldo, and a free kick was awarded. Ronaldo stepped up, and sent the ball against the post and out.

“Should have done better there,” Kick Off said, as Derpy exhaled in the Traveller’s Rest, “That could have been game over if he’d scored.”

Three minutes later, some good passing play by Chelsea saw Ballack get into the area. Ballack sent a cross in to Robben, who volleyed over.

“Chelsea knocking at the door, but still unable to get in front,” Kick Off said, “And we can tell you that Wigan have taken the lead against Manchester City, so this is how things look at the bottom…”

16 Wigan 38pts GD -27
17 Sheffield United 37pts GD -23
18 West Ham 36pts GD -25

With just under 20 minutes of the half left, Robben again got down the left. This time, Drogba beat Vidic, but not van der Sar, who tipped the header wide.

“Corner to Chelsea,” Kick Off said, “And a goal for Tottenham at White Hart Lane, meaning that West Ham really are going down as it stands.”

The corner was cleared, but Makelele got to it and passed to Robben, who was fouled by Ferdinand. Lampard saw the free kick strike the wall, but recovered possession and crossed the ball into the area, where Drogba beat Vidic to the ball and volleyed it into the net.

“Chelsea are in front at last,” Kick Off exclaimed, “Now, however, they need another, because this is the table as it stands…”

1 Man Utd 86pts +54
2 Chelsea 86pts +53

“And news coming through as well that Rob Hulse has equalised for Sheffield United against Aston Villa.”

In the 33rd minute, Essien passed to Ballack, who beat Henrik Larsson and Ryan Giggs before sending a long cross-field ball to Robben, who beat Gary Neville before crossing the ball in to Drogba. Drogba, however, saw his header tipped wide by van der Sar.

Five minutes later, Drogba was brought down by Ferdinand just outside the area, earning the defender a yellow card. Lampard stepped up and fired the ball into the top corner, in an almost exact replica of his goal at Old Trafford.

“What a vital goal!” Kick Off exclaimed, as the home crowd went wild, “Frank Lampard with the kind of free kick he’s become almost notorious for this season! And Chelsea, having been behind in the title race all season, are now top of the league! Sir Alex Ferguson is furious; his side may well have taken the title and thrown it away!”

1 Chelsea 86pts +54
2 Man Utd 86pts +53

Chelsea now looked to add breathing space, and five minutes from the break Joe Cole headed just over from an Ashley Cole cross. As the interval loomed, a shot from Larsson was saved by Cech and cleared by Terry. Drogba then played in Robben, who got down the left and sent the ball into the area, where Joe Cole slid in only to poke the ball just wide.

“So, a big 45 minutes to go,” Big Match said at half time, as I handed Dinky a muffin, “Chelsea, as it stands, are on course for the title, but if United were to score, they would go back on top.”

The second half was considerably less frantic than the first, as Chelsea looked to keep United out. In fact, the most significant action Kick Off could report on was Aston Villa retaking the lead at Bramall Lane. Twelve minutes into the half, Joe Cole sent a cross into the area, with Neville keeping Robben at bay.

“So, Park Ji-Sung comes on to replace Giggs,” Kick Off said, “And we are getting news that West Ham have equalised at White Hart Lane, but they would still be going down as it stands.”

With just under fifteen minutes remaining, a Manchester United attack broke down and Essien, moved into midfield after Ferreira came on for Ballack, set off into the United half, ignoring Drogba to his right as he got to the edge of the box and fired the ball across van der Sar and into the opposite corner of the net.

“That is surely the title now!” Kick Off exclaimed, as Rainbow Dash pulled Dinky into a hug and Derpy let out an ecstatic whoop in the Traveller’s Rest, “Michael Essien, with a fantastic breakaway goal, gives Chelsea breathing space! This is how it stands now…”

1 Chelsea 86pts GD +55
2 Man Utd 86pts GD +52

"...and we can also tell you that Carlos Tevez has given West Ham the lead at White Hart Lane, meaning that this is how things stand at the bottom!”

16 West Ham 38pts GD -24
17 Wigan 38pts GD -27
18 Sheffield United 37pts GD -23

“Well, Sir Alex Ferguson surely knows now that the game is up,” Kick Off said, as the game entered the last five minutes, “And so too must Neil Warnock, as Aston Villa now lead 3-1 at Bramall Lane…”

As the match entered its closing stages, United desperately tried to salvage something. First, a long ball found Larsson, who hit the side netting from a tight angle, before a free kick was blasted high over the bar by Gary Neville.

Three minutes of stoppage time were impatiently counted down by the Chelsea faithful, before the final whistle blew, accompanied by the announcement from the tannoy.

“Ladies, Gentlemen, and Ponies...we are the champions!”

Chelsea 3-0 Manchester United (Drogba 29, Lampard 38, Essien 76)

The home crowd stayed behind long after the away fans had trudged out of the ground, as the Chelsea players and Mourinho did a lap of honour around the pitch. The title had been won in the most dramatic circumstances in Premier League history.

Final Premier League Table

C Chelsea 86pts GD +55
2 Man Utd 86pts GD +52
3 Arsenal 78pts GD +30
4 Liverpool 73pts GD +22
5 Tottenham 61pts GD +24
6 Everton 57pts GD +18
…
16 West Ham 38pts GD -24
17 Wigan 38pts GD -27
R Sheffield United 37pts GD -24
R Charlton 32pts GD -36
R Watford 28pts GD -30

The two of us watched Match of the Day that night, as we saw the highlights of a fantastic victory, at least, until Dinky fell asleep during the highlights of Everton against Middlesbrough and I went to put her to bed.

As I left her bedroom, I thought ahead to the two finals to come, firstly the FA Cup Final at Wembley and then the Champions League Final in Athens. That evening, however, had been all about celebrating a miraculous defence of the title.

Comments

[Bronycommander]

Sweet victory for dinky!