Over Land and Sea

by Wessexbrony

Peak Performance

Saturday 17th February

Two months ago, everything had seemed lost. Chelsea had travelled up to Newcastle and fallen apart, losing 2-0, Fontana and Terry had clashed on the pitch at the final whistle, and I’d been told the following day that if Chelsea were to fall out of the top four, Derpy and Dinky would likely never see each other again. Fortunately, a backs-to-the-wall performance and a last-minute Drogba winner against Liverpool, along with Bolton and Tottenham slipping up, had put paid to that notion, as had a few pulled strings.

Now, however, Chelsea were very much a changed side. Things could not be more different for the visit of Newcastle, who were eighth in the league and still looking to get into the top six.

“If we win today,” I said to Dinky, who was taking full advantage of the half term break to enjoy a week of joint lie-ins, “and Arsenal slip up at Liverpool, then we’ll go up to second. And United don’t play until 5:30. If we gain ground on them just before our Champions League tie, that’ll be a huge morale boost.”

One of Pinkie Pie’s duties as co-chair of Toon Army Equestria was attending the regular gatherings. These took place in the function room of the Coltsborough social club, a short walk from the station, whenever Newcastle were on TV or facing a top side.

“Good to see you, Pinkie,” Pinkie’s fellow co-chair said, as she entered.

"Who's the filly?" Pinkie asked.

"My daughter Summer. Summer Daybreak, since we officially adopted her last week."

Pinkie momentarily thought back to August when, during the game against Liverpool, he'd told her about how the filly he and his wife had been considered ideal for had ended up in London instead.

“...and here’s Crouch for Liverpool,” came the voice of Kick Off from the TV, which was showing the early match, “and he’s turned Toure, looks for the shot, and that’s his hat-trick! What a game this is, it’s now Liverpool three, Arsenal three!”

“How and why have we not taken the lead yet?” Rainbow Dash asked, as a rare Newcastle attack saw the ball go out for a goal kick.

“It’ll come,” I said.

“We’ve been absolutely brilliant these past few weeks,” Dinky added, “I can’t see this game going much longer without a goal.”

Dinky’s words nearly came true almost immediately. Makelele found Drogba, who took the ball through the Newcastle half before playing a one-two with Gudjohnsen and sending a shot just wide.

Five minutes afterwards, they did come true. Chelsea won a free kick in the centre circle and Lampard passed to Essien, who slipped the ball to Ferreira. Ferreira passed the ball into the area for Drogba, who turned and sent it past the outstretched hand of Shay Given to put Chelsea ahead.

Just after half an hour, Lampard went on a run, only to be blocked off before he could get a shot away. Three minutes later, a Newcastle attack broke down, with Terry robbing Martins and passing to Makelele. Makelele found Drogba, who looked to play Lampard in with a searching through ball. Lampard got into the area, holding off Steven Taylor, before driving a shot past Given to double Chelsea’s lead.

Three minutes later, however, Martins got the ball out wide and sent it into the area. Terry looked to intercept, but the ball took a deflection to Michael Owen, who fired the ball past the diving Cudicini into the opposite corner.

In Coltsborough, a huge cheer went up from the assembled Newcastle fans as John Motson told Ray Stubbs about the goal on Final Score.

“We might actually get something from this, you know,” Pinkie’s fellow co-chair told her, as many of the ponies there began to sing the popular Newcastle song Blaydon Races.

Chelsea had other ideas, though, and in the first minute of stoppage time, a throw-in by Ashley Cole found Terry, who sent a long clearance to Kalou on the left. Kalou raced away down the wing before sending in a cross to Drogba, who held off Moore before firing the ball across Given to restore Chelsea’s two-goal advantage.

The general consensus at half time was that Chelsea were not done yet. Indeed, they weren’t, as five minutes into the second half, Mikel passed to Drogba. Former Chelsea left-back Babayaro looked to intercept Drogba’s pass, but he couldn’t control the ball and Gudjohnsen was sent away down the right, crossing the ball into the area where Drogba met it with a volley which went in off the underside of the crossbar, completing his second hat-trick of the season.

Newcastle looked down and out, but four minutes later Michael Owen intercepted a pass from Mikel and passed to Martins. Martins looked to go for goal from distance, but he skewed his shot well wide. Mourinho then took Drogba off, replacing him with Ballack.

The match went quiet for about ten minutes, but midway through the second half, another Chelsea attack saw Ashley Cole play a long ball to Kalou. Kalou played in Gudjohnsen, who sent the ball just wide.

Two minutes later, a pass from Owen was intercepted by Terry, who passed to Makelele. Makelele passed to Kalou, who played the ball through to Gudjohnsen. Gudjohnsen got to the edge of the area and sent a low shot past Given to further extend Chelsea’s lead. Four minutes later, he too was taken off, with Doyle replacing him as Mourinho looked towards the upcoming Champions League game.

With just over ten minutes left, Doyle passed to Kalou, who played the ball into the area. Ballack raced in and hit a first time shot, which went into the net despite Given getting a hand to it.

Chelsea 6-1 Newcastle United (Drogba 25, 45+1, 50, Lampard 34, Gudjohnsen 69, Ballack 79; Owen 37)

“We’ve made life difficult for ourselves previously…” Mourinho said in the post-match interview.

“That’s making life difficult for yourselves?” Pinkie’s co-chair exclaimed incredulously.

“Six-one here, three-all at Anfield, five-two at Tottenham-Watford and four-two at Fulham-Sheffield United,” I said as we headed home, “Why don’t you watch Match of the Day with me tonight instead of tomorrow morning? Of course, there’s still United against Everton this evening…”

“...played long by Patrice Evra,” Martin Tyler said, as the United-Everton game entered its final moments, “But it’s headed clear by Phil Neville. Ronaldo now, sends a cross into the area, Rooney with the header, saved by Richard Wright! And it’s hacked clear by Lescott, and that’s it! Everton have held on to a one-all draw here at Old Trafford, Leon Osman’s goal midway through the second half cancelling out Cristiano Ronaldo’s opener. Whisper it, but the title race isn’t over just yet!”

Premier League Table

1 Man Utd 64pts
2 Chelsea 55pts
3 Arsenal 55pts
4 Liverpool 51pts
5 Bolton 46pts
6 Tottenham 43pts
…
16 Sheff Utd 27pts
17 Wigan 26pts
18 West Ham 20pts
19 Charlton 20pts
20 Watford 16pts

Author's Note:

And Final Score shows up again.

The Blaydon Races is a popular Newcastle folk tune, dating from the nineteenth century, which has been adopted by Newcastle United fans. Martin Tyler is the main commentator for football on Sky Sports.

Comments

[Bronycommander]

Looks good.