Telling readers the "Don't like don't read' excuse will either discourage readers due to they think you won't take criticism well, or it will encourage trolls to go after you, thinking you'll be easy to anger.
The beginning of the first chapter was an interesting one, you decided not to do the old fashion way of explaining his backstory (which is not bad as it can still be told later in the story) and instead wrote about his reason in Equestria and possible something that play a significant role in the later chapters.
The second fourth of the story had has been filled with explaining his powers, the usual and you took the time to list everything off which is good.
The third fourth was a bit rushed, but not bad. The sentences were meaningful, if not a bit short, but all in all, it wasn't just 'bland page filling.' Sadly the diamond dog part was a tad short, nothing wrong as too much can be worse, but could use some more detail. For example:
-his thoughts about this new world
-his past
-his worries and sadness for never seeing his world again.
-the joy and true in-depth realization of his new powers and how god-like he may be in this new realm.
-possibly a bit of training, like struggles to control his powers and such.
- Most importantly. Details. Making bits and pieces short is not bad, it can be amusing and exciting, but some details should have had been mentioned. Was he cocky when he killed the dd (Diamond dogs)? Was he disgusted by himself? Was he feeling an adrenalin rush or something else?
The last part of the Chapter was interesting as it allowed a lot of future to happen such as drama etc.
All in all, it was an exciting start, though I would highly recommend to allow rating again and let people say their critic as much as they like unless they are straight up insulting you and your story far more than needed to make a point clear.
My last big tip. Take your time; great stories need that, that applies to everything in life, take any money hungry gaming industry, for example, they only rush things and don't let the game's full potential be reached because they want things to be done fast.
I'm gonna drop a bit of help, and a couple reasons why I'm gonna skip this story. The bit of help is ALSO the first reason I'm skipping.. Summoner is misspelled in the story description... When the description has spelling errors in it, it 'says' that the rest of the story will have them too, and probably a lot.. Second reason I'm skipping is the Ratings Disabled... That says that the author knows the story is bad(usually by intention) but doesn't wanna throw people off by having a massive amount of dislikes over likes.. Between the two, it says 'The story is bad, because I didn't do much editing, and I know it, but am too lazy to edit, so I'll disable the ratings instead so it doesn't look quite as bad at first glance' A Lot of people will think the same thing...
9549678 Most of them were just added from different games I remembered I don't remember exactly which ones go to which due to the fact of how long ago it was that and few came from animes
This is a very poorly disguised teenage wish fulfillment self insert, but to each their own I guess (shrugs). There are a lot of run-on sentences though.
The list was EXTREMELY long. I swear it took about 80% of the chapter. I won't be able to keep track of them. Could you at least put the abilities into their own sections with the franchise they are from being labeled? Like things from Final Fantasy in a list labeled Final Fantasy? You don't need to say exactly which game in the series but holy man. I just scrolled straight to where the next section of the real story began, you know?
“You have pictures?!” Cadence as she flew up next to me I showed her them. They just showed what he looks like. “Oh my! He's smoking hot! Why didn't you show us sooner?!”
Eventually they let me stand back up but the yellow one keep holding me as she cried which I don't really mind. “So I don't know about you but I'm going to make some monsters to protect the town.” I lean down and pick up some pebbles and start to cast Nemesis.
Heals everyone close to the caster 200 points. Does not affect atronachs, machines or undead. Only affects allies and will heal undead allies as well.
I think affect/affects should actually be effect/effects but I'm not certain. However I am absolutely certain that regardless if it's affect or effect it doesn't heal undead then it absolutely will NOT heal undead allies.
If people say you're story is not good doubt listen to them I think your story is actually brilliant😀
Yeah me as well
Telling readers the "Don't like don't read' excuse will either discourage readers due to they think you won't take criticism well, or it will encourage trolls to go after you, thinking you'll be easy to anger.
9359691
Thanks for advise
The beginning of the first chapter was an interesting one, you decided not to do the old fashion way of explaining his backstory (which is not bad as it can still be told later in the story) and instead wrote about his reason in Equestria and possible something that play a significant role in the later chapters.
The second fourth of the story had has been filled with explaining his powers, the usual and you took the time to list everything off which is good.
The third fourth was a bit rushed, but not bad. The sentences were meaningful, if not a bit short, but all in all, it wasn't just 'bland page filling.' Sadly the diamond dog part was a tad short, nothing wrong as too much can be worse, but could use some more detail. For example:
-his thoughts about this new world
-his past
-his worries and sadness for never seeing his world again.
-the joy and true in-depth realization of his new powers and how god-like he may be in this new realm.
-possibly a bit of training, like struggles to control his powers and such.
- Most importantly. Details. Making bits and pieces short is not bad, it can be amusing and exciting, but some details should have had been mentioned. Was he cocky when he killed the dd (Diamond dogs)? Was he disgusted by himself? Was he feeling an adrenalin rush or something else?
The last part of the Chapter was interesting as it allowed a lot of future to happen such as drama etc.
All in all, it was an exciting start, though I would highly recommend to allow rating again and let people say their critic as much as they like unless they are straight up insulting you and your story far more than needed to make a point clear.
My last big tip. Take your time; great stories need that, that applies to everything in life, take any money hungry gaming industry, for example, they only rush things and don't let the game's full potential be reached because they want things to be done fast.
I'm gonna drop a bit of help, and a couple reasons why I'm gonna skip this story. The bit of help is ALSO the first reason I'm skipping.. Summoner is misspelled in the story description... When the description has spelling errors in it, it 'says' that the rest of the story will have them too, and probably a lot.. Second reason I'm skipping is the Ratings Disabled... That says that the author knows the story is bad(usually by intention) but doesn't wanna throw people off by having a massive amount of dislikes over likes.. Between the two, it says 'The story is bad, because I didn't do much editing, and I know it, but am too lazy to edit, so I'll disable the ratings instead so it doesn't look quite as bad at first glance' A Lot of people will think the same thing...
9362811
You bring up a lot of valid points that I didn't think about but summoned is spelled correctly
9364122
When I looked it was spelled Sommoned, which is why I mentioned it :D
9364253
Oh okay
next time can you tell us your next CHAPTER PLEASE 😁
Question I forgot to ask was where is that picture of that guy from look like final fantasy? And what are the life death and forbidden magic from?
9549678
Most of them were just added from different games I remembered I don't remember exactly which ones go to which due to the fact of how long ago it was that and few came from animes
Sensible man.
This is a very poorly disguised teenage wish fulfillment self insert, but to each their own I guess (shrugs). There are a lot of run-on sentences though.
While you have a good story, the grammar needs serious work.
The list was EXTREMELY long. I swear it took about 80% of the chapter. I won't be able to keep track of them. Could you at least put the abilities into their own sections with the franchise they are from being labeled? Like things from Final Fantasy in a list labeled Final Fantasy? You don't need to say exactly which game in the series but holy man. I just scrolled straight to where the next section of the real story began, you know?
9705272
I got complaints about it so maliciously complied
How the hell did they get pictures of him?
What?
How?
Should've waited couple of chapters before that
This was a beyond epic start I hope that the princess find him so they can join this herd
So op and I love it
I think affect/affects should actually be effect/effects but I'm not certain. However I am absolutely certain that regardless if it's affect or effect it doesn't heal undead then it absolutely will NOT heal undead allies.
Certainly quite a start.
Going to read the rest in a bit.
Not really fond of how Spike needed rescuing like that though..