Welcome to the Jungle
Honored Above All Else
Chapter 9
By Honored Service
I dropped to the floor of the jungle and crawled a few feet away from the tree line. I watched patiently near the spot where I had landed on the beach waiting to see if whatever made that noise would come looking for me.
The gunshot I used to bring down the coconuts is what must have done it. I stayed low to the ground and moved forward and peered out onto the beach. I was about to move from my spot when the ground shook causing me to bounce up and down.
I’m feeling a little uneasy about this situation.
“Me too.” I whispered to the Nightmare as I gripped the m16 tight in my grasp. I would be willing to give anything for some more bullets. I was down to the mag in the rifle and two full magazines on my chest rig. Not a lot of ammo for something big enough to shake the earth.
Maybe we should think about relocating to a different spot, one that doesn’t have a monster roaring and stomping the ground apart?
“Yeah, I agree with you there Nightmare.” I said barely above a whisper.
CRASH
RRRRROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR
Well we’re screwed.
My eyes grew wide and my jaw fell open as I watched a massive semi-translucent purple paw crash down onto the beach. Another paw followed suit. I found myself being dwarfed by a sixty foot tall Ursa Major.
I haven’t seen one of these guys since that time I tried to take one over. All I remember was hunger and an irresistible desire to bite roofs apart.
“Let’s just back up slowly, I really don’t have the energy or firepower to take this thing on.” I whispered as I began to scoot back on my stomach deeper into the jungle. I kept watching the massive creature as I moved away, fearing that it would surly see me and come after me in a rampage of rage.
The Ursa Major lowered its gigantic head to the ground and began sniffing the sand. its fangs actually touched the ground when it moved its head. I swallowed loudly, realizing that one of its fangs was large than myself standing up.
“Nightmare, if things get worse, I may have a really stupid plan.”
Well now color me impressed, something stupider than trying to take that behemoth on, now I want to hear about it.
“No I'm not going to take it on, I mean only if it-“
RRRRROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
“Finds us.” Awww shit. I freeze up, hanging onto the idea that the Major is jusr roaring to roar and not at a little ol’ human crawling around on the ground.
“I'm sure it’s just being loud to be loud.” I say in a shaky voice to Nightmare.
The giant purple creature turns in our direction and takes a earth moving step towards the jungle.
So do you have to try and be wrong or does it just come naturally?
“Oh fuck off!” I yell jumping up to my feet and sprinting away from the beach, tearing through the tropical jungle. Vines grabbed at me and roots attempted to trip me up, I was experiencing some serious de ja vu. I stumbled and slid forward to the ground, the trembling getting closer as I leapt to my feet and dashed off through the jungle.
So what was this plan you had when it gets worse?
“Well it won’t work in the dense jungle!” I struggled to say as I ran around a large tree at least fifteen feet wide. I hear a massive crack and wiped my head around to see the Ursa Major bite the tree in half and spit it out.
We are so doomed. Well human, it was fun, I hope that you don’t experience pain when you die.
“Wait what!?” I screamed as I jumped over a log and slid under a low hanging branch. I tucked and rolled down a hill and came up on my feet running towards a ravine cut through the jungle floor. I jumped onto a fallen tree and sprinted my way across the log not bothering to look down.
I mean that if you get caught in that things mouth, I'm going to jump into its mind. You may be more powerful now, but in the jaws of that thing, I'm afraid that it wins out.
“Gee thanks for having some confidence in me.” I looked behind me and watched in horror as the damn Major simply stepped over the ravine and kept on moving towards me. I stopped dead in my tracks and slowly turned to face the charging beast. I shouldered the rifle and clicked off the safety.
Listen, don’t think I want to see your plan that badly that you need to try and show me it! Be reasonable!
“Let’s hopes this works. This is the plan I like to call, poke the bear!” I slung the rifle and yanked Bad Bertha from her sheath and began running head on towards the Ursa Major. For a moment I thought I saw a flash of confusion appear on the creatures face as I ran towards its face. Maybe, this would work. Just maybe.
Please don’t do this! I don’t want to be eaten!
“Shut up, and give me some fire on my hands!” I screamed as I kept moving right at the open mouth of the purple monster.
Please know what you're doing.”
I saw the flames explode from my hands. The green and black flames moved up and licked their way along the blade of my knife. Oh daddy, we were in business now. My other hand balled into a fist and the fire wrapped itself around it creating a ball of pure fire energy.
“Show time.” I smiled and jumped onto a collapsed tree and ran up at an angle towards the head of the Ursa Major.
I leapt off the fallen tree and flew through the air, knife pulled back and ready to strike. I land on top of the Major’s head and plunge the fiery blade down up to the handle and yank it our drawing a stream of blue shiny liquid from the wound. It’s funny, you can see through the Ursa Major, and yet apparently it has blood somewhere in it.
The Major throws its head back, trying to shake me lose. It lets an ear shattering roar cut through the jungle as I topple backwards and onto its neck. I began to slide towards the ground fifty feet below, when I plunge the knife into the side of its neck to stop myself. I swing my legs back and forth and jump onto its back, landing on one knee and throwing my balled up fist in front of me, punching a fire hole into the creatures back.
The Ursa Major hurled its head into the air and roared with such intensity that I had to cover my ears to stop the pain. After it finished, I could only hear a high pitched ringing noise echoing through my ears. I ran along the creature’s back, dragging the knife along with me, cutting a long, deep cut through its translucent hide; blue shimmering blood gushing out and onto the jungle foliage below.
This plan is just pissing it off.
“All part of the plan!” I pant out as I reach the neck of the Major. I know my little knife won’t be able to do anything deadly to the Ursa.
If you want to kill this thing, you're going to have to think outside the box. Hacking and slashing isn’t doing that great of a job.
“Or maybe I should think inside the box!” I give a laugh befitting a suicidal maniac and ran to the base of the neck and begin to climb up it, using the knife as a grip to pull myself up the Ursa Major’s neck.
Hand over hand, I stab my way to its head where I slice at its ears for good measure before preparing myself for what could be the stupidest thing I have ever, no will do, in Equestria.
Please tell me you aren't.
“Hold your breath Nightmare; this may take a few minutes.” I leap forward of the Major’s head and spin around midair as I come face to face with the enraged purple monster. I feel the hot sticky breath as its jaws open wide and close around me, ripping the bottom of my duster to shreds.
***************************************************************
“So not only did you single hoofedly take on an Ursa Major, you let it eat you!?” Quick Flurry and the rest of the ponies stared in disbelief at the human who was now perched on the coffee table in a heroic pose.
“Well I'm here now. Not dead, or eaten. And yes I did dive head first into the gullet of the Ursa.” Honored turned to look at Twilight Sparkle, who scribbling furiously trying to keep up with the recent developments. “So now Trixie isn’t the only one that can boast to defeating an Ursa Major!” Honored stood up and threw his hands over his head in a dramatic pose, while a light green magic blew the duster around him swirling it behind him, if caught in some unseen wind.
“Pfffft show off.” Rainbow Dash said to Applejack, who shot the pegasus a sideways glance and nudge with her fore hoof.
“Go on Honored, finsh this here story of yours. I'm sure we’re all mighty hooked on how this ends.” Applejack tipped her hat at the human, who smiled and nodded his thanks to the cowpony.
“I know I am!” Twilight Sparkle spoke up. “Seeing as how I removed an Ursa Minor with magic, I would like to know how you got rid of one with… um… violence. I know you don’t have magic of your own, so you made due. This will make its own chapter in the book I'm sure of it.”
“Well to say that the Ursa Major needed a breath mint is an understatement.”
Oh wow, so clever. That is the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.
*********************************************************************
“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” I screamed as I slid my way through the dark slimy throat of the Ursa Major.
Your plan sucks.
“Oh shut up and give me a light!” I coughed out, becoming over powered by the reeking and suffocating atmosphere that was inside the belly of the beast.
The air around me shimmered and exploded into fire as the stomach slowly became visible to me. Trees, bushes, and lots of skeletons floated throughout the green sludge on the bottom of the stomach.
Should have left it dark in here.
The skeletons looked far too big to be pony, so that made me feel better already. I looked around and moved towards where I heard a deep thumping resounding through the creature.
The heart.
“Okay, we find the heart, and destroy it. Then cut our way out. See? This plan doesn’t suck.” I trudged through the stomach juices and climbed over a tree stump. Damn this thing eats anything. But I guess when you're bigger than a building; you can eat whatever you feel like.
Why do I feel like this plan was developed by some sadistic little foal?
“Look I don’t see you coming up with anything good!” I shout as I throw a fire ball into the side of the stomach lining. I hear a rumbling and the Major shudders with pain.
Maybe you shouldn’t do that until we reach the heart.
“Good idea.” I say as I plunge my knife into the stomach lining and cut a massive long gash through it and squirm my way through it, and into another section of the Ursa’s chest cavity.
More roaring and rumbling follows each incision I make as I move through the beast’s body. I notice that it becomes harder and harder to breath as I move along. The air is thinning out, if this is even air in this place.
The heart, we must be getting close. Listen.
Sure enough, the thumping is louder than ever. I cut my way through a wall of muscle and there it is. The massive heart of the Ursa Major beating in place behind a series of gigantic ribs, just begging to be destroyed.
“Let’s do this!”
I charge forward and jump between two ribs and land directly underneath the heart. I think about using the rifle, and just shredding it with bullets. But then I realized this was a once in a life time opportunity. And I wasn’t going to waste it.
I held the fire in my hands and combined the energy to create one large green and black fire ball resting in my palms.
“Wait for it.”
“Wait for it.”
I swear if you say what I think you're going to say, I’ll kill us both here and now.
I stop and think, nah it was worth it.
I throw the fireball straight into the center of the Ursa Major’s pumping heart. I hear the explosion of magic, and almost immediately the smell of cooking flesh fills my nostrils.
“Damn, now that’s some… heart burn.” I turn around from the shuddering heart and sprint towards the nearest wall of muscel. I yank out my knife and begin to saw my way through the think flesh of the Major. Even though it’s see through on the outside, I can’t see anything from the inside. Fucking magic.
I can’t believe you. I swear this entire plan revolved around you just being able to say that lame, shitty one liner.
“Well I wouldn’t say it hadn’t crossed my mind.” I smile as sunlight streams through the cut in the flesh of the Ursa. I back up and sprint towards the incision and leap at it head first.
I punch through the Ursa Major’s skin and tuck and roll to a stop away from the heavily breathing creature. I stand up and turn my head, as I watch the giant purple creature sway, and collapse with a massive ground shattering THUD.
“And that Nightmare is how you beat an Ursa Major. Think inside the box.” I look down and relize I'm covered in shinny blue blood, green sludge, and other unknown substances. “And now to find a stream.”
******************************************************************
“And just like that, I was back on my quest to find home. The only problem being, the fact I had no clue where I was, and the only map I had was on the ship with Pine Needle.” Honored Service said though a mouthful of fruit salad. The ponies and human and settled down for lunch while the human retold the escape from the Ursa Major’s belly.
Granted most of the ponies lost their appetites, save for Pinkie Pie, who still continued to eat with gusto as the human recounted the story.
“I still say that this is a little farfetched.” Rarity cocked her head and gave Honored a look of disbelief.
“Fair enough.” The human stood up and rolled up the pant legs and kicked off the old combat boots. Horrifying red scares covered his calves and feet. “That’s from the stomach acid inside the Ursa’s stomach. These bad boys didn’t appear until a few days after the incident and man oh man did they burn.” Honored rolled the pants down and put the boots on as the ponies recoiled in shock.
“Honored!” Fast Skies moved to the human’s side and placed a wing across his back. “Does it hurt now?” She asked looking up at the creature that had endured so much pain for her and all the ponies in the room.
“It doesn’t hurt as much as it did, but it still causes some discomfort. But it reminds me that everything I do has a price that I must pay.” Honored gives a halfhearted smile and strokes the orange mare’s mane. “But let’s forget about that painful stuff and get back to the story. Still lots of things to come ponies!”
Do you ever get tired of listening to yourself talk?
“Do you ever get tired of not shutting the hell up?” Honored whispers harshly to himself.
*****************************************************************
Well that was just loads of fun.
I wiped my gore covered hands across my pants, which were also covered in shiny blue gore. No progress was made on getting clean. “Fun, no. Badass, yes.”
That was idiotic and completely reckless. We could have easily been killed in the first two seconds of your terrible plan.
“Really? I don’t think so.” I checked my rifle and backpack, making sure I didn’t lose anything in the Ursa. I frowned as I saw the damage that had occurred to my beautiful, and slightly used, duster. A long gash about six inches wide had been shredded through the back of it.
We could have been stepped on, bitten in half, digested, drowned in blood, suffocated inside of it, crushed by the failing body, or splattered against the ground when we dove out. Need I go on? We could have died in so many ways, and for what? For you to prove that you're and amazing killer? Or so you could say that one fucking joke.
I was unprepared for the Nightmare’s lecture. Usually he doesn’t care about things like this. But what really hit the hardest, was why did I do that? It wasn’t to prove I was a killer… was it? The Ursa Major had attacked me, and I acted in self-defense. It was either me or it, and I liked living.
“Nightmare, I did it to protect us. But I guess it was a little reckless.”
A LITTLE!?
“Okay, so it was a lot reckless, but would you have preferred that I had stayed put and gotten trampled by a giant paw?” I moved forward through the jungle, just heading in a direction. Hopefully I’ll be able to find something, like a landmark or maybe a sentient being that can give me directions. That would be a nice change of pace. Something not trying to kill me.
I know, I'm just a little tense, that whole thing was a little out of my comfort zone.
“So going into another creature’s body is out of your comfort zone?” I raise an eyebrow and give a cough.
Yes it… forget you.
“Yeah that’s what I thought.” I slung the rifle across my back and pulled out my knife and slashed my way through the jungle vines. Got to find some water to refill my canteen. And I need to find some food other than coconuts. And of course I need to find out where the hell I'm going!
You lost?
“No!” I scream after three hours of cutting my way through the jungle foliage. “I know exactly where I'm going.”
And where, pray tell, would that be? The voice asked sarcastically.
“Um anywhere really. We don’t have a map, or any knowledge of this area. So basically we’re just going to wander around till we find something.” I stop in front of a thick vine hanging off a tree. I reach up and cut the top of it, but keep holding it up, I then cut another section off three feet lower and hold it up in a u shape. Hopefully there is some water in this vine.
That’s actually a good idea human. Maybe you aren't as dumb as you let on.
“Thanks Nightmare, I … fuck you.” I tilt the end of the vine into the open mouth of the canteen and smile when I hear a small amount of water splashing into the plastic container. Oh yeah, we’re in business.
I fill the canteen up with several other vines and continue on the random journey. I weave my way in and out of the thick jungle till I come to a small worn path in the jungle floor.
“Hello, what do we have here?” I kneel to the ground and observe the trail, its worn into the ground, but I see no tracks. It’s just one solid track.
Now I wonder what could have made this.
“Well the real question is which way do we follow.” I scratch my head and look left and right. Both directions seem nearly identical. Both cutting through the jungle.
“Right.”
Left
“Okay, Left.”
Right
“God damn it. Alright let’s just go, that way.” I spin around in a circle and move towards the right. Hopefully this will lead to something… more helpful than an Ursa Major.
I follow the trail making good time through the jungle foliage. Now that vines no longer slow me down, I can simply just walk through the jungle. I notice a lack of wildlife in the section of the jungle. No birds, no monkeys, nothing. It’s like they just left.
I'm getting a bad feeling about this place human.
“Yeah I know what you mean.”
Just keep moving, and hopefully we won’t run into anything.
“Too late.” I stop dead in my tracks and looked at what laid ahead of us. The jungle opened up into a large clearing with a path made of stone leading up to a pyramid. Like an Egyptian pyramid, not a Mayan pyramid stacked with layers of stone.
Well that is a surprise.
“Yeah.” I take a step towards the structure off in the distance, when the Nightmare cuts in.
No.
“No what?”
We don’t need to investigate that place. We can just go around it, or hey, even turn around and go back down the trail to the other direction.
“But there could be-“
Booby traps, monsters, bad guys, and anything else meant to kill us, so let’s just turn around and head back.
“Wow, I didn’t know the Nightmare could be such a little girl.” I smile and turnaround from the ruins.
Now hold just a moment. I'm trying to keep us safe, that doesn’t make me a girl!
“You're right, it makes you a little sissy.”
THAT’S IT! LET’S GO EXPLORE THE DAMN RUINS. You ass.
“Now that’s the Nightmare I know!” I spin around and sprint back to the ruins but stop at the stairs leading up to a door as a blood curling scream comes from the ruins.
“HHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!”
The scream sliced through the air and caused me to bring the rifle up to my shoulder, ready to fight if need be.
And now it feels just like an ordinary day. We cant go anywhere without something happening.
I crept through the door crouched low to the ground, rifle at the ready. I was standing at the beginning of a dimly lit hallway.
“Nightmare, how about some night vision.” I asked politely to the air around me.
On it.
I felt my eyes close and once I reopened them I could see clearly through the dark ruins. My new green tinted vision gave me totally control of the area around me. “Now let’s go find that screaming.”
I kept quiet and moved silently through the crumbling hallways and open doorways leading through the ancient ruins. Vines and moss crew out of cracks on the walls covering everything in a layer of foliage. Around another corner I turned and ducked back quickly. A large shadow passed by the door heading deeper into the ruins.
What was that thing? Blue fur and a long snout face thing. Even I have no knowledge about whatever that creature was.
But I do. Ahuizotl. The mythological creature from ancient Aztec legends. Well except this one was from a little kids show. Not as violent as the Earth legend one, who liked to eat the flesh of humans, especially the eyes and teeth.
So I had stumbled upon yet another bad guy from the beloved TV show. Pretty soon I was going to run out of evil creatures to defeat. Then what? Try to become a productive member of pony society? Ha as if.
I peeked back around the corner and almost dropped my rifle at what I saw. Tied up in the center of the room surrounded by ferocious lions, tigers, cheetahs, jaguars, and ocelots, was a group of ponies. They wore lab coats and safari hats that seemed vaguely familiar to some griffons or a pegasus explorer. These ponies were just explorers, dungeon divers, maybe even archeologist.
So what’s the plan? Run in there, screaming and shooting widely.
“I don’t shoot widely; I pick off perfect headshots all the time.” I sternly whisper back.
Whatever, so what’s the plan?
“Take out the head… pussy first.” I snicker to myself at my joke. God I'm hilarious.
Why’d you take that pause?
“You don’t get the joke?”
What joke? You’re going to take out that big blue pussy cat. I don’t see what’s funny about that.
Damn it. Even the bad guys in Equestria don’t get my dirty humor. “Forget it, let’s actually try some stealth this time around.” I keep the rifle trained into the center of the room, right on Ahuizotl’s chest as I sneak through the shadows around the edge of the room. I stop in a small alcove and watch as the blue cat walks up to a tan pony wearing thick rimmed glasses.
“Now tell me, what else have you found?” He whips his hand tail thing around and lifts the pony off the ground with ease, so she’s dangling in front of him.
“We only found that staircase leading down. That’s all. I swear!” She kicked her legs out desperately trying to break the mythical creature’s grasp on her lab coat.
“Minions, stay put and guard these pesky ponies. I’ll go make sure this one is telling the truth.” Ahuizotl strolled over to a doorway that had stairs leading straight down deeper into the depths of the ruins. “I’ll be back soon, don’t let anyone enter or leave.” And with that final command, he leapt down the stairs, agile as a… well a cat.
So, now to go in shooting, screaming bloody murder.
“I don’t see why not.” I stood up and stepped out into the dim light provided by the torches around the circle room. The ponies all gasped as they saw me come out of hiding, while the felines moved closer to attack, letting of different styles of hissssss.
“Alright, let’s do this!”
Yippe, once more into the fray, fire hands in ten seconds.
Stats
Page generated in 0.029 seconds
Total duration
1,008 users online
1,506,229 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS!!!!
All i heard after “Alright, let’s do this!" was "LEEEEEEEROOOOOY JEEEEEEENKIIINS!!!"
i freaking love these bro
Ursa Major? Not Ursa Minor? Major was like...Godzilla.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/305/464/be5.png
Heh, and next, were gonna meet Daring Do!
1230831
HAH! made me laugh!
1230831 it's ironic as he has to kill the cats
I finally found a use for this...
i16.photobucket.com/albums/b15/ultra1437/Memes/lyra_on_a_velociraptor__to_war__by_ennervateindustries-d50nbmn.png
YAY
another update! I'm just gonna go now and read it!
EDIT: OH MAI CELESTIA...
Huzzah! The badassery has been doubled!
Great chapter as always, but the gore and wanton violence was a little out-of-character for Honored, it seemed (at least to me).
This chapter was well-written, but the tense-changes I've noticed over the past few chapters as well as referring to Honored in third person was a little confusing, to say the least.
Also, a few mistakes I noticed:
"fearing that it would sur*E*ly see me"
"...one who can boast to defeating..." IDK, but it sounds a little weird. Perhaps "boast about" would be more apt?
"Yes it... forget you" Huh? I'm pretty sure you meant something other than "forget"
And near the end, two more spelling errors: "arch*A*eologist" and "Yippe*E*"
Other than that, another one of your signature blends of humor and storytelling. Keep up the good work!
~Xanadu
1232385
as always, good finds, corrections shall be made!
us5.memecdn.com/leeroy-jenkins_c_327183.jpg
Apparently I'm not the only one that thought of Leeroy Jenkins. LETS DO THIS. LEEEEERRRROOOOYYYY JENKINS
Honored Service is on a mission, to kill at least one of every monster on the earth, and maybe a few sentient lifeforms
LOL
lol dam i love it
Absolutely loving the Nightmare and Honored duo.
Judging from the show I think that would be a Minor.
Hm, I kinda hoped that you would use Indiana Jones as a one liner here... :/