Interesting, and one of the more DISTURBING thing i've ever read. Just saw that the second and third chapters had been posted. Twilight's feelings for Celestia, and Luna's return are going to be....Interesting. As well as Twilight gaining the Element of Magic. ...Oh. For those wondering, including maybe the author, hi there, this rates ehh, anywhere from a 5 to a 7 on my Disturbing Stuff scale. Probably lean to a 5 or 6, and it only gets that high because it's filly Twilight, and Twi's an adorable little filly. This, should show that I am either a bad scale of Disturbing Stuff, or have seen a lot crazier and more horrific than this. You want to know which? Well. Message me.
The first few comments on chapter one, peaked my interest. I read all three chapters so far.
On my own personal disturbing scale, (0 being weapons-grade cute, 10 being normal, and 20 being nearly indescribably disturbing) this rates in at a solid 17. I've managed to stay away from cupcakes, so i don't know where that would be in relation. I don't really know what to say otherwise. Thumbs up for evoking that kind of disturbance in me... and i probably won't continue to read, as it's not what i'd normally read, I got too curious for my own good, and paid the price.
I think its a good change of pace. So many of these kinds of stories are Oc's or humans taking advantage of any one of the main 6. This one put Celestia in a new light, a balance between the Tyrant Celestia and Molestia . The writing is well done and conveys a lot of emotion in a roller coaster-esq fashion. Keep up the great work.
Almost all of the Twilestia I see is pretty sickeningly sweet, and I think is pretty off base. I feel after all she has been through, the relationship between the Princess and Twi would be very dark indeed. The very act of keeping a foal in the castle to train reeks of abuse. However, since it still is her special pupil, she would never actually hurt them. At least not intentionally. So I really don't strive to hit that A+ mark in terms of disturbing readers in this story.
1117135 I pretty much hate OCs. It takes the better part of an entire book to build up a character properly, and there aren't many fanfics in the MLP spectrum, or anywhere, that put forth the effort to do so. Humans, same deal, but sometimes can come out worse, since they aren't part of the universe in the first place, and there usually is some convoluted plot device to introduce them.
this was too much for me, Celestia in this is clearly mentally fucked up, even as a teen she raped her foal sister and now she rapes her students in Luna's place...bleh
Well, I love it. I find this highly intriguing as I had never thought about the whole mentorship in this way before. I am always fond of Twilestia ships and this just takes the cake. Fillies and sex and Celestia and amazing storytelling ability? It's the bee's knees.
I've read this over and I'm just going to say that it is good writing. It's dark but not grim, but more than that it's interesting, and not just for clop material. I keep thinking you'll introduce something to make Celestia likable or at least something to offset how messed up she is, but you haven't.
Maybe I am over thinking this , but given the kind of character you're writing - someone that has lived for over a thousand years, has seen friends grow old and die around her while she never changes, cast away the only constant unchanging factor in her life because of pettiness that Celestia herself admits to - I think it's actually okay to not give her redeeming qualities. Or maybe they're there and I just can't see them. Even when she's talking to Twilight normally and no molesting is going on, it all comes off as phony, like she's playing mind games with Twilight, same as she did with Luna. Despite that, while reading this I don't hate her. You've made a very complex character, and I can't be the only one to see that or you'd have a lot more dislikes then likes. I hope you write more, because I can't help but think somehow that Twilight is going to save Celestia from her own destructive behavior. Maybe she won't, but if she does, that will be very interesting to read. I really want to see what happens to Twilight too, because to see her still be loyal and want to serve despite what is happening to her, she's just as complex. Either she saves Celestia or Twilight breaks, and I can't wait to see which it will be.
1332071 Still completely in the air where this story is headed.
And yes, the general portrayal of Celestia here is that she has completely lost her grounding in reality. The graphic novel Watchmen probly depicts this the best, where a normal person that becomes a god essentially distances themselves from humanity more and more. In Celestia's eyes she is doing nothing wrong.
I'm going to finish my Vinyl/Octavia story first, which has at least 2 more chapters to it. But I'm getting ideas for Faithful all the time. At the very least I can promise Twilight won't be breaking under the pressure as I picture her being much too strong willed for that. The next chapter will definitely offer a very fun twist however.
This is stunning. The portrayal of Celestia is complex; she really comes across as a real character. She sees herself as good, but has become drunk on power and lack of accountability. Twilight's reactions are fascinating as well; the inner conflict she feels is very well shown. All in all, this story is abut a very disturbing topic that is handled with care and dedication. Not to mention, the writing is superb.
I don't usually favourite incomplete stories, but this one gets an exception. I do hope there are more chapters to come, but there's already enough here to earn solid approval from me.
i think celestia might actually come to a reality check and caves while twilight tries her best to save her. but thats just my prediction cant wait to see what you do
Well my friend told me about this story and throughout everything he told me, I felt broken. no bullshit. I was this close to hating Celestia to a point where I will become a bad grammer moron and make a fic where Celestia dies for no reason whatsoever just for the sake of making me feel good after hearing about this. My only hope for this story is that Celestia gets what's coming to her after all the crap she's put Twilight through, because of this story ends in the worst possible note, with no happiness for Twilight any happy ending of the sort.....Oh fuck the things I will do!
definitely a strange story but its not a pointless clop it actually has a story to it and decent writing cant wait to see how twilight will be as an adult.
1116612 you might have to rework that scale because theirs a story out now called luna's lunacy that would probably hit 20 or higher on you're scale if you thought this was bad.
I've actually wanted to do a review of this for months; finally got it done.
Suffice to say: it's a terribly interesting story.
1039933 That's silly. If you want to take a Doylist perspective without the precedents of reality, My Little Pony's Equestrian government is meant to create a world whereby monarchic fascism is the most humane method of maintaining order as opposed to the result of a woman turning her childhood toy headcanon into a TV show.
Some people like to jerk off to cartoon horse romance - I'm not naming names, here - and some people like to jerk off child cartoon horse rape. The story's purpose is obvious, and ascribing a 'vile, destructive culture' to it reeks of irony; this brace of 4chan writers happen to be very nice people, as far as I can tell, and your pseudointellectual demonisation of their harmless fetish is in itself is a perfect example of how the 'mainstream' parts of communities tend to have an ugly tendency towards sectarianism.
Why would you put more than five times the effort into a fanfic, in general? What makes their entertainment any less valuable than yours?
Took me about a week to get around to reading the third chapter (I have difficulty sitting still, so +6000 words tends to scare me off). This still holds the gothic atmosphere well. Especially playing in with Celestia having isolated herself in the castle and being disconnected from the outside world, her complete control within her small domain. And Celestia's sadism in deliberately waiting until her parents were visiting to deflower Twilight. Weee!
This made me feel mentally sick, I couldn't help but feel terrible for twilight. But goddamn was it a brilliant fanfic, this is a work of art. I only say this when a fic is so good it has an effect on me emotionally, and left me blown away and thinking "holy fuck...". Seriously I can't even think, I'm overwhelmed right now.
I'll consider adding to my list of aspirations: One day be able to write emotional tales like this guy, but without the clop/ foalcon.
Hope you update again soon. Will Cadance be a part of this in any way shape or form? I can either see her getting in on it or being completely horrified.
Wow... I'm usually pretty inspired for a little while at the [end] of stories… But this one is hitting me good, I'm going to be thinking about this one awhile. I can tell this one is literally making it into my favorite stories list; It has so much emotional depth I felt, my heart was usually beating faster while I was reading it, especially the third chapter. I really want there to be more, probably because I feel I need to be with Twilight. An older story, but I have so much desire for its continuation.
One slight thing in the writing that bugged me is the absence of commas before a name. "Yes Miss Sparkle" instead of "yes, Miss Sparkle," for example. A few other tidbits too, nothing serious though. After all, I'm certainly no writer. Otherwise I really enjoyed your descriptive words and felt there the whole time. Thank you for this piece, and good job. Really hope that you are writing more.
I've found my self hating Celestia for a while now. This story has definitely solidfide it. And for some reason I want to see twilight transform into something like Alessa from silent hill. This all being said, while I find my self getting more livid with each paragraph I can't help but love this story for how well its written. Unfortunately that's about it's only redeeming quality for me and LUNA DAMN IT I NEED TO READ MORE.
Chapter 3 is go, as well as syntax fixes for Chapter 1.
can't wait to see how Twi will act when she's all grown up (if she acts differently at all)
I'm not sure if I am supposed to be disturbed...
...Or lured...
This still makes me cringe but I fucking love it
This is horrible. I wish I could favorite it harder. Good show.
Interesting, and one of the more DISTURBING thing i've ever read. Just saw that the second and third chapters had been posted. Twilight's feelings for Celestia, and Luna's return are going to be....Interesting. As well as Twilight gaining the Element of Magic. ...Oh. For those wondering, including maybe the author, hi there, this rates ehh, anywhere from a 5 to a 7 on my Disturbing Stuff scale. Probably lean to a 5 or 6, and it only gets that high because it's filly Twilight, and Twi's an adorable little filly. This, should show that I am either a bad scale of Disturbing Stuff, or have seen a lot crazier and more horrific than this. You want to know which? Well. Message me.
The first few comments on chapter one, peaked my interest. I read all three chapters so far.
On my own personal disturbing scale, (0 being weapons-grade cute, 10 being normal, and 20 being nearly indescribably disturbing) this rates in at a solid 17. I've managed to stay away from cupcakes, so i don't know where that would be in relation. I don't really know what to say otherwise. Thumbs up for evoking that kind of disturbance in me... and i probably won't continue to read, as it's not what i'd normally read, I got too curious for my own good, and paid the price.
1115586 My thoughts for Luna's return:
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3430-6653420-20Molestia20Nightmare_Moon20celestia20censorship20double_rape20nightmare_moan20rape_face.jpg
I think its a good change of pace. So many of these kinds of stories are Oc's or humans taking advantage of any one of the main 6. This one put Celestia in a new light, a balance between the Tyrant Celestia and Molestia . The writing is well done and conveys a lot of emotion in a roller coaster-esq fashion. Keep up the great work.
Almost all of the Twilestia I see is pretty sickeningly sweet, and I think is pretty off base. I feel after all she has been through, the relationship between the Princess and Twi would be very dark indeed. The very act of keeping a foal in the castle to train reeks of abuse. However, since it still is her special pupil, she would never actually hurt them. At least not intentionally. So I really don't strive to hit that A+ mark in terms of disturbing readers in this story.
1117135
I pretty much hate OCs. It takes the better part of an entire book to build up a character properly, and there aren't many fanfics in the MLP spectrum, or anywhere, that put forth the effort to do so. Humans, same deal, but sometimes can come out worse, since they aren't part of the universe in the first place, and there usually is some convoluted plot device to introduce them.
this was too much for me, Celestia in this is clearly mentally fucked up, even as a teen she raped her foal sister and now she rapes her students in Luna's place...bleh
Well, I love it. I find this highly intriguing as I had never thought about the whole mentorship in this way before. I am always fond of Twilestia ships and this just takes the cake. Fillies and sex and Celestia and amazing storytelling ability? It's the bee's knees.
Can't help it, that was hot. Been wondering when Celestia would take that last step though.
I've read this over and I'm just going to say that it is good writing. It's dark but not grim, but more than that it's interesting, and not just for clop material. I keep thinking you'll introduce something to make Celestia likable or at least something to offset how messed up she is, but you haven't.
Maybe I am over thinking this , but given the kind of character you're writing - someone that has lived for over a thousand years, has seen friends grow old and die around her while she never changes, cast away the only constant unchanging factor in her life because of pettiness that Celestia herself admits to - I think it's actually okay to not give her redeeming qualities. Or maybe they're there and I just can't see them. Even when she's talking to Twilight normally and no molesting is going on, it all comes off as phony, like she's playing mind games with Twilight, same as she did with Luna. Despite that, while reading this I don't hate her. You've made a very complex character, and I can't be the only one to see that or you'd have a lot more dislikes then likes. I hope you write more, because I can't help but think somehow that Twilight is going to save Celestia from her own destructive behavior. Maybe she won't, but if she does, that will be very interesting to read. I really want to see what happens to Twilight too, because to see her still be loyal and want to serve despite what is happening to her, she's just as complex. Either she saves Celestia or Twilight breaks, and I can't wait to see which it will be.
1332071
Still completely in the air where this story is headed.
And yes, the general portrayal of Celestia here is that she has completely lost her grounding in reality. The graphic novel Watchmen probly depicts this the best, where a normal person that becomes a god essentially distances themselves from humanity more and more. In Celestia's eyes she is doing nothing wrong.
I'm going to finish my Vinyl/Octavia story first, which has at least 2 more chapters to it. But I'm getting ideas for Faithful all the time. At the very least I can promise Twilight won't be breaking under the pressure as I picture her being much too strong willed for that. The next chapter will definitely offer a very fun twist however.
This is stunning. The portrayal of Celestia is complex; she really comes across as a real character. She sees herself as good, but has become drunk on power and lack of accountability. Twilight's reactions are fascinating as well; the inner conflict she feels is very well shown. All in all, this story is abut a very disturbing topic that is handled with care and dedication.
Not to mention, the writing is superb.
I don't usually favourite incomplete stories, but this one gets an exception. I do hope there are more chapters to come, but there's already enough here to earn solid approval from me.
Bravo.
1028507
*growlllll*
You made Celestia an evil sicko.
I hate it.
*throws up and clenches fist*
My name may be Luna's Shieldbearer, but I will protect both my princesses.
This is essentially the same concept as Ron the Death Eater or Manipulative Dumbles. None of them really deserve the bad rap they're given.
i think celestia might actually come to a reality check and caves while twilight tries her best to save her. but thats just my prediction cant wait to see what you do
1063336 Pity or not, this story has made me hate Celestia with an ungodly passion
Well my friend told me about this story and throughout everything he told me, I felt broken. no bullshit. I was this close to hating Celestia to a point where I will become a bad grammer moron and make a fic where Celestia dies for no reason whatsoever just for the sake of making me feel good after hearing about this. My only hope for this story is that Celestia gets what's coming to her after all the crap she's put Twilight through, because of this story ends in the worst possible note, with no happiness for Twilight any happy ending of the sort.....Oh fuck the things I will do!
definitely a strange story but its not a pointless clop it actually has a story to it and decent writing cant wait to see how twilight will be as an adult.
1116612 you might have to rework that scale because theirs a story out now called luna's lunacy that would probably hit 20 or higher on you're scale if you thought this was bad.
In all seriousness, what the hell.
I hope there will be a chapter with Twilight taking a stand against Celestia. I really frakking hope for such a chapter.
I've actually wanted to do a review of this for months; finally got it done.
Suffice to say: it's a terribly interesting story.
1039933
That's silly. If you want to take a Doylist perspective without the precedents of reality, My Little Pony's Equestrian government is meant to create a world whereby monarchic fascism is the most humane method of maintaining order as opposed to the result of a woman turning her childhood toy headcanon into a TV show.
Some people like to jerk off to cartoon horse romance - I'm not naming names, here - and some people like to jerk off child cartoon horse rape. The story's purpose is obvious, and ascribing a 'vile, destructive culture' to it reeks of irony; this brace of 4chan writers happen to be very nice people, as far as I can tell, and your pseudointellectual demonisation of their harmless fetish is in itself is a perfect example of how the 'mainstream' parts of communities tend to have an ugly tendency towards sectarianism.
Why would you put more than five times the effort into a fanfic, in general? What makes their entertainment any less valuable than yours?
Okay, I tried to calm down, but it's not working out very well. I need to fucking vent.
I am really, really, REALLY trying not to hate Celestia, but you're not making it easy for me.
Took me about a week to get around to reading the third chapter (I have difficulty sitting still, so +6000 words tends to scare me off).
This still holds the gothic atmosphere well. Especially playing in with Celestia having isolated herself in the castle and being disconnected from the outside world, her complete control within her small domain.
And Celestia's sadism in deliberately waiting until her parents were visiting to deflower Twilight. Weee!
This made me feel mentally sick, I couldn't help but feel terrible for twilight. But goddamn was it a brilliant fanfic, this is a work of art. I only say this when a fic is so good it has an effect on me emotionally, and left me blown away and thinking "holy fuck...". Seriously I can't even think, I'm overwhelmed right now.
I'll consider adding to my list of aspirations: One day be able to write emotional tales like this guy, but without the clop/ foalcon.
more please
so weirdly romantic
Hope you update again soon. Will Cadance be a part of this in any way shape or form? I can either see her getting in on it or being completely horrified.
Wow... I'm usually pretty inspired for a little while at the [end] of stories… But this one is hitting me good, I'm going to be thinking about this one awhile. I can tell this one is literally making it into my favorite stories list; It has so much emotional depth I felt, my heart was usually beating faster while I was reading it, especially the third chapter. I really want there to be more, probably because I feel I need to be with Twilight. An older story, but I have so much desire for its continuation.
One slight thing in the writing that bugged me is the absence of commas before a name. "Yes Miss Sparkle" instead of "yes, Miss Sparkle," for example. A few other tidbits too, nothing serious though. After all, I'm certainly no writer. Otherwise I really enjoyed your descriptive words and felt there the whole time. Thank you for this piece, and good job. Really hope that you are writing more.
This was so awesome, I came so hard. Twilight is the luckiest student ever. Why any pony would protest to being Celestia's toy is beyond me?..
Want to trade place Twilight?
Reading the rape scene to this song is just depressing as fuck
One of the hottest clop chapters I've ever read. Now I've read it out loud and will be on YouTube soon.
hey twily want to trade places (you'll be listening to assorted music on youtube while reading stories on FIMfiction
I've found my self hating Celestia for a while now. This story has definitely solidfide it. And for some reason I want to see twilight transform into something like Alessa from silent hill. This all being said, while I find my self getting more livid with each paragraph I can't help but love this story for how well its written. Unfortunately that's about it's only redeeming quality for me and LUNA DAMN IT I NEED TO READ MORE.
So fascinating well-written story. I love it.