Anon II: The Second Part

by 23 KM To Nerdiness

Chapter 8: "Deja Vu"

Ah, such a extremely tranquil morning. Not like your typical, everyday mornings.

Something's different, though.

The sun's not pimp slapping you, Twilight's not bursting into the room like the living alarm clock that she is. Everything's just straight up peaceful right now. Although, the couch is a bit sturdier than usual. As you try to relax, you notice your unicorn pal snuggled up against you once more, sleeping soundly under your arm as she yawns. You smile before nuzzling into her soft, pink fur. The birds in the bright sky are chirping the morning away. They sound pretty close.

A little bit TOO close.

Soon, the feeling of something crawling on your arm snaps you out of the doze. Something small. Something humming...

Something fuzz- OH GAWD, it's a BUCKING BEE!!!

Before you can react, however, ol' Seinfeld decides to pierce your skin with it's dreaded stinger, causing you to leap out in pain, hollering and rolling around in the dirt. Your insane pain dance carries on as you swear every word under the sun.

"Totally NOT a dream! Jesus CHRIST, that hurts! For the love of Sunbutt!!! That's why I don't care that much about jazz, ya bucking parasite! Actually, wasps are far worse. But you SUCK AS WELL! Simulation TERMINATED!"

You pause and look up.

Clear, blue skies, an enormous field with amount of trees as far as the eye can see, annoying as hell bugs buzzing in your ears and the EXTREMELY high cliff your oblivious ass is an inch away from falling off of. Startled, you back away with a yelp.

"A-Anon? W-What's going on?"

You turn to a drowsy Star, who's slowly standing to her hooves. "What time is it?" she yawns.

"Glimmy Glam, we're not in Ponyville anymore."

"Huh?" she pauses. Like you, her face goes from groggy and confused to shocked and frantic. "What the HAY, where are we?! What's going on?!"

"I don't know!"

"Ah!"

"Ah!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
"AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

One scream fest later...

"Are......are you good, Star?"

"I....I think so." she huffs. "W-What about you?"

"Phew.....I'm fine."

"Good. Now all that's left is to figure out HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED!!!"

"I still don't know!"

"There's gotta be SOME explanation for this!"

You look to your mind for some answers.

[DON'T LOOK AT ME, I-I'M TOTALLY LOST, MAN!!! I don't have whatever Hello-bucking-Kitty, big-eyed Chinese, anime cartoon girl solve-it magic at ALL!]

Coming from the mind that manipulated you into telling these ponies that twerking is some sorta mating ritual, that's no surprise.

[Wait.....]

"Anon?"

*CLOCK*

The rusty gears begin to click.

[DISCORD!!! 'GUY GURU' MY ASS! OOOH, WHEN I FIND THAT MOTHERBUCKER, HIS NECK IS GONNA BE THE THING I CHOKE THE HARDEST!!! RIGHT THERE ON TOP OF THE LIST NEXT TO MY-]

"Anon!"

"U-Uhhhhh.......I got nothing."

"Great. Juuuuust GREAT." the sour pony huffs, trotting off and plopping down on a nearby log.

"Um, Star? You alright?"

"No, Anon, I am NOT okay. I am LIVID about this! You know me and the wilderness do NOT mix well!"

[Livid? Sweet Celestia, that's two degrees past pissed!]

"Hold on, let me think for a sec."

You pace around a bit, pondering your next move.

*Click clock, click clock, click clock, click clock-*

"Get OFF my head! Damn woodpecker."

"Annoying little things." Star utters.

Back to thinking....

"BRAIN BLAST!"

"What do ya got?"

"I got it. How 'bout we.....walk around until we find some place?"

"Walk?"

"Eeyup."

"FURTHER into the forest?"

"Eeyup."

"Are you SURE about that, Anon?"

"Eenope."

"Ugh. Whatever it takes to get outta here, I guess."

"Hey, don't worry, I've hiked with Flutters before, I know the forest and its survival techniques like the back of my hand..."

[Has that mole always been there...?]

---

"W-Wait a sec. So, I'm wondering....if the coyote could afford to buy these crazy contraptions to catch a roadrunner, why can't he afford to buy something to eat?"

"Because......I don't know, you got a point. You never see the coyote eat anything else, you never really see him eat anything at all. Which could be why he's missing the dang bird all the time, ya know? The brain needs sugar."

It's been about a half hour since you and Starlight have aimlessly stroll through the dimly lit forest as you currently explain the basics of cartoon logic to this stick in the mud.

"No WAY can a coyote survive a gunpowder sandwich." she chuckles.

"Oh. Well, I guess that proves that the coyote's the Anti-Christ then, come on now. Not meant to be taken THAT seriously."

"These silly 'CAR-TOONS', or whatever, of yours is way too wacky for me to understand."

"But Pinkie ISN'T?!"

"....touché."

Soon, your conversation is cut short by the horrible, yet inevitable sound of your stomachs begging for satisfaction.

I guess that's what happens when you try to bring logic into looney things...

"Oh no." you utter.

"Speaking of which, what's the 'Flutter's Guide' say about finding food?"

"Survey says..."

Your stomach growls, which translates to "Ah, HELL naw!"

"Absolutely NOTHING in mind."

"Something told me you couldn't remember your SPECIAL techniques."

"I'm sure we'll find SOMETHING around here, I know almost exactly what I'm doing."

"Uh huh, sure. But I'm not resorting to eating acorns."

"Yeah, I heard chasing after acorns'll make your life miserable."

"Where'd you hear that from?"

"Umm.....a little squirrel told me."

Eventually, you're halted by what you'd call a rather repulsive stank. Covering your nostrils, you turn to the unicorn, who's got the same reaction.

"Ugh, was that YOU?!" you both gag out in unison. "Me?! It wasn't ME, it was YOU! I don't do that! I would've warned you! Stop copying me!"

A low growl bumps into your argument.

"Hush it, Anon's stomach! You don't have a say in this!"

"Star, that wasn't me..."

That putrid odor is so familiar. You just couldn't put your finger on it. Soon, you notice Starlight's eyes widen.

"We're not alone..." she whispers.

"What?"

The sound snapping and crunching of bushes and twigs grow louder and louder until a large, wooden paw sinks its claws into a thick tree and slashes a good chunk of its bark. Out of the shadows approaches one of your worst enemies....

GAS!

Yeah, that last one WAS you...

Also, four timberwolves.

"Timberwolves, WHY'D it have to be timberwolves?!" Star groans.

[Maaaaaaajor deja vu.]

"So. We meet again...Squirtle's offspring."

"You've dealt with them before?"

"Yeah."

"How'd that turn out?"

Flashback noises...

"HEEEEEEEELP!!!" you holler like a pussy.

Flash forward noises...

"A-Apparently, they still never learned their lesson."

The vicious creatures gnash their sap-covered, sharp teeth.

"Out here, Star, it's eat or be eaten."

"I am NOT eating timberwolf remains!"

One of the fearsome beasts charges towards you two with murderous intent while the rest of its pack circle in. Dorky heroics kick into maximum overdrive and you charge as well, closing distance as the foolish wolf lunges at you.

"Only you can prevent forest FURRIES!"

You uppercut the hunk of firewood in the jaw, sending its head rolling into the bushes.

"Always wanted to do tha- AH! Got a splinter, UGH!" you wince. Out of nowhere, the headless monster tackles you to the dusty ground, crushing the life out of you under its massive weight. Before it goes to slash your throat, a blinding beam of light-blue magic obliterates it to bits. The remains of the creature tumble upon you as you see a cocky Starlight, horn sizzling.

"I feel like THIS is better target practice!" she says triumphantly.

"Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!"

Two timberwolves come running at you on both sides and decide to cheap shot you by pouncing all at once. They think they can corner you on a cliff.

You retaliate with a leap...

"Wax ON,-"

And deal a devastating split kick to their muzzles, making it rain lumber.

"-Wax OFF, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Come on, Star! Gimme your best battle banter!"

The unicorn demolishes the last wolf. "U-Um, let me see......time to give you a BLAST.....from the past?"

"Eh, could use a little wor-"

Suddenly, an ominous, green glow flashes on the fallen beasts' shattered leftovers. On the spot, they slowly reform back into their towering selves.

"Come ON, that's not fair!"

"Anon, look out!"

A frantic Glimmy blasts a beam that narrowly grazes your head. You turn to see another headless timberwolf rocking side to side before it tumbles down the cliff.

"Wow. Nice shot, Sta- AH!!!"

What you failed to realize, however, is that the wolf's prickly tail has snagged your shirt and roughly takes you down with it.

"ANON!!!"

The rocky cliff wears you and the wooden creature out as it falls to pieces with every impact on the way down below. Eventually, you land HARD on your back atop a pile of jagged planks.

"Urghhhhhh, my SCAPULA!!!"

A few blasting sounds and flying tree bark later and your pal rushes to the edge to look over you. "Anon, are you alright?!" she calls worriedly.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good, this TOUGH and STURDY pile of wood here broke my fall!"

The unicorn poofs down to your side.

"Can you get up?"

"I'll- URGH, try."

You struggle to stand on your feet while Starlight loudly winces.

"What?! Is it my spine?!"

"No, no. Don't worry. You just have a few....splinters. Let me get that......3....2....1..."

"GAWD!!!" you cringe at the 'few' splinters being yanked off your back.

"SWEET CELESTIA!!!"

"Almost done..."

"SUGAR HONEY ICED TEA!!!"

"Just a few more..."

"THERE'S A BEACH!!!"

"Done."

"How many WERE there?!"

You turn to see hundreds of wooden shards piled up before you.

"Dear God..."

"Anon, look! A beach! And there's FOOD!"

"That's what I- seriously, THAT many?!"

You're plucked off the ground and carried by Glimmy's magic onto the peaceful beach. Cool waves gracefully sloshing about, soft sand crunching under the mare's hooves, seagulls are squawking and there's a vast ocean view that's a sight to behold. Star sits you down and examines a bulky, wooden crate with a withered fruit logo.

"We did it, Anon!"

"I gotta say, we are legen-, wait for it..."

"..."

".......-DARY!"

"Buck YEAH, we are!"

"Now, let's eat."

"Way ahead of y-"

Starlight pauses after she pulls the lid off with her magic, eyes bigger than the moon.

"What? What is it?"

You peek into the crate.

Inside is a little, light-yellow baby unicorn colt wrapped in a purple blanket sleeping soundly. He lets out a cute yawn and stretches before waking up babbling and smiling.

"Oh-"

"-boy."

---

Author's Note:

Comments

[Munro]

eh what just happend Oo

[23 KM To Nerdiness]

9518936
A thing....

[Noobblue]

9518962
Things are good. I like things. More things = more good. Carry on.

[Rikki]

"Out here, Star, it's eat or be eaten."

I'd say, Howdy! In this world, its kill or be killed!

[TheHardie-Boy]

Before you can react, however, ol' Seinfeld decides to pierce your skin with it's dreaded stinger, causing you to leap out in pain, hollering and rolling around in the dirt. Your insane pain dance carries on as you swear every word under the sun.

Umm...Seinfeld wasn’t the one who stung the guy

"Good. Now all that's left is to figure out HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED!!!"

Not...where you are?

[DON'T LOOK AT ME, I-I'M TOTALLY LOST, MAN!!! I don't have whatever Hello-bucking-Kitty, big-eyed Chinese, anime cartoon girl solve-it magic at ALL!]

I am officially concerned for your well-being

[DISCORD!!! 'GUY GURU' MY ASS! OOOH, WHEN I FIND THAT MOTHERBUCKER, HIS NECK IS GONNA BE THE THING I CHOKE THE HARDEST!!! RIGHT THERE ON TOP OF THE LIST NEXT TO MY-]

Smart, try to strangle the GOD OF CHAOS

"I got it. How 'bout we.....walk around until we find some place?"

Right, because Starlight can’t teleport or self-levitate or anything like that

"But Pinkie ISN'T?!"

No one understands Pinkie anyhow

"Timberwolves, WHY'D it have to be timberwolves?!" Star groans.

How about a manticore for your troubles then? Or maybe a chimera?

Inside is a little, light-yellow baby unicorn colt wrapped in a purple blanket sleeping soundly. He lets out a cute yawn and stretches before waking up babbling and smiling.

I’ll give you that one