Anon II: The Second Part

by 23 KM To Nerdiness

Chapter 17: Worse Than the Friend Zone

"Isn't she scary,
Isn't she powerful?
Wasn't she vicious,
Less than one minute ago?
I never thought, through all that grace, lives a beast in a mood to chase.
But isn't she scary made from-"

[Bruh, why are you SINGING?!]

"It relaxes me! Can't you see I'm suffering a fate worse than the friend zone?!"

[And what's that?]

"Running from your waifu, who's trying to blow you to bits!" you pant.

[Have you tried REASONING with her?]

"Star, fight the anger, not your pal!" you pant, backflipping over a magical, transparent blue brick wall that has popped up before you. The unicorn bursts through the glowing obstacle, still galloping after you seething with intense blind rage.

[I don't think she wants to listen...]

"Ya THINK?! Why can't I shake her?! Damn player!"

[No one told you to leave it on, dummy!]

"But it's a catchy song!"

[Darn, that's true...]

You duck under the crazed mare's line of fire as you bathe in all the irony of the situation. Never would you have thought that the sound of fluffy hooves clopping after you would be so terrifying til now.

Star blasts a tall vase up ahead, splattering dirt in your face. The lumpy clumps trip you over and leave you on the ground at the mercy of the murderous mare. You clear your vision before you see a thick, jagged piece of the vase pierce the floor an INCH away from your crotch. All the other pieces levitate in the unicorn's enchanted grip and dart it for you.

Those years of over-elaborate break dances are put to good use, however, as you epically and swiftly zigzag away from the sharp projectiles til she depletes her ammunition.

"I know playing hard to get occasionally gets you the girl but this is ridiculous!" you sheepishly chuckle.

The glowing anger in the predator's eyes wipes the dorky smile right off your face.

"R-Right. Survive now, joke later."

The violent reenactment of a Bugs/Elmer Fudd routine continues on til you turn a corner and run right into an idle guard's breastplate.

"What ape doing here." he grunts skeptically.

Before you could respond, the horse demon comes in, screeching to a halt. Even the guard was paralyzed with fear when he spots the mare's sizzling and glowing horn.

"Star, don't shoot me, shoot HIM! He's a better target!"

"No shoot!" the guard growls. "Shoot him!"

"No, HIM!"

"HIM!!!"

"No, me."

"NO, ME!"

"Me."

"ME! I TAKE THE SHO- AGH!!!"

With an earth-shattering THUD, the guard is knocked down by the psycho's blinding blast. You hastily yank the guard's bow and arrows and take off down the hall before a confused Star realizes her blunder and angrily gallops after you. Despite the ridiculously LARGE amount of twists and turns you make, your pursuer remains unavoidable, grazing your body with every blast.

Unfortunately, the cliché monster emerges from the shadows and attacks with a vengeance as you trip over absolutely NOTHING and get cornered on the kingdom's balcony overlooking the filthy town. As you frantically try to find an escape route, Glimmy stomps into view.

[Sugar honey iced SHIT!]

Another beam of magic slams into the rocky floor, the impact tossing you in the thick vines growing along the castle's walls. Starlight climbs the railing and looks down upon your tangled form.

"Pal, please. I-It's me, remember? While it is a great workout with you pursuing me with murderous intent, it's time to snap out of it!"

A glowing, dagger-shaped wad of magic poofs from the angered mare's horn near the vine holding you aloft.

"C-Come on, Glim. You're not that heartless..."

*SNAP*

"Okay, maybe you AAAAAAAAAGH!!!"

As you scream, you find yourself laying on the floor of your suite staring up at the snipped dangling vines above you. A pissed Starlight snorts before running off.

"Sweet Celestia, this is just TOO convenient, huh?" you mutter.

"Ah Nah!" Spirit squeals, waddling towards you.

"No time for leg clinging, squirt. We gots to GO!"

"W-Why the rush, what's wrong? Where'd you come from?" Wally asks.

"Star's- GAWD!" You clutch your side and collapse on the cushy sofa.

The concerned mare rushes to you, digs into her bushy mane and pulls out a towel and a small, brown bottle. "What happened, are you alright?!" she says, cleaning the wound.

"W-What else you got in there?" you wince.

"Anon, FOCUS!"

"Oh, Starlight's been brainwashed and she and the guards are out searching for us, like, RIGHT now!"

"What?! A-Are you sure?"

"Her lips said 'I'm gonna end you slowly', but her eyes said 'Read my lips'."

Outside the room's door, the sounds of armor rattling and dogs barking growing louder alert you. "But that can wait, we must FLEE!" you hastily plant Spirit in the overwhelmed pony's hooves and carry the both of them to the balcony's railing.

"A-Anon, WAIT!" Wally protests. "I'm not built for escaping like this!"

"It's all GOOD!" you grunt, leaping to a nearby rooftop. "Everyone knows that the best way to escaping is under INTENSE deadly pressure!"

"I-I don't like THIIIIIIIIIS!!!"

An array of spears and arrows rain down after you. Spirit on the other hand is having the time of his life, giggling away while Wallflower clings for dear life on your back as you narrowly avoid the falling projectiles. The shady residents look on at your daring escape when tons of guards start flooding out of the castle's gate.

If Twilight wasn't so generous from your arrival, you'd make a GREAT street rat. You put the two babies on a dizzying ride, tossing and catching them as you push your way through the rickety city while dodging flung weapons every second. Eventually, you duck into a dark alley, which the guards blindly walk past.

"T-This is crazy!" Wally pants.

"I know, right?" you mutter. "Are they REALLY that blind with those helmets over their eyes, I mean, they SAW me turn in here."

"Ah yah!"

"Oh, sorry. Is everypony alright?"

Spirit spits up and you see Wallflower face deep in a moldy barrel gagging hard.

"I.......stand corrected. But no time for hurling."

As you usher the two deeper into the filthy alley, you're suddenly grabbed and dragged into a dusty, old bar and slammed against a wobbling table with a cloaked dog looming over you. "Hold him down, boys." he snickers. "Fang'll pay us handsomely for you."

The scummy mongrels restrain you roughly as the cloaked dog aims a rusty dagger at your neck. Before it could cut your skin, Wallflower suddenly hops in and smacks every surrounding mutt in the snout with a thick, rolled up newspaper. You're released from their grip as they flee rubbing their noses.

"AUGH, SHE FOUND OUR WEAKNESS!!!" the barkeep yelps, ducking behind the bar. "WHY DO WE KEEP THOSE AROUND ANYWAYS?!?!"

The surprisingly aggressive pony helps you off the table with a caring smile. "I'm not losing another friend to an overgrown dog."

"This way!" a guard hollers outside.

The little squirt clings to your neck and you make your way out the bar doors and stop in your tracks when a burning red arrow zips past your head and turns the establishment's sign to ash. You then find yourself all boxed in by a wide wall of spear-wielding mutts that slowly closes in.

Wally shakily pulls out the wrinkled newspaper, pointing it every direction. "Stay back! I have a newspaper and I'm not afraid to-"

A dagger slices the paper in half before her and sticks to the wall. "T-To toss it." she gulps.

Soon, Fang emerges from the army waving his staff smugly. "Well, well. It seems like you're all outmatched here."

"Not quite, we're not." you state before noticing tons of dog archers on nearby rooftops ready to strike.
"I-I........guarantee that."

"What are you talking about, we're totally BUCKED!" Wally hisses.

"I've got.........MUSIC MOJO!"

The dog's flinch with their weapons when you unveil your righteous player. "Oh yes, with this device, I can control your minds with some SICK beats that can manipulate armies!"

"Ha, you'll have a difficult time trying against these dummies." Fang scoffs. "Each dog has a target in case of such emergency. Everything's planned out."

"Uh, Lead Dog Fang, sir?" a guard waves. "Am I supposed to shoot Biscuits, or Ruffski?"

"No, I shoot Ruffski!" another barks.

"No, no. You shoot Mange." the small king sighs.

"T-Then who shoots Ruffski?"

"I can shoot myself."

"That won't be necessary. Wishbone, you shoot Ruffski, Crusher, and graze T-Bone."

"Yes, sir!"

One of the dogs howls in pain as he gets shot in the foot.

"Not YET, you fools!"

In the blink of an eye, every guard aims their firearms at one another, demanding each other to surrender.

[That escalated quickly.]

"What do we do now?" Wally whispers.

"Only one thing TO do."

The midget king and his army watch on in confusion while you put your rhythmic spell upon them.

"Enough of this buffoonery. Sic 'em boys." Fang orders.

Spirit and Wally cower behind you as the wave of dogs charge on. As a dog lunges for you, you both find the guard moonwalking away and pole dances with his spear. With your groove spell now taking effect, you initiate the legendary arm wave that travels through every dog that stop dead in their pursuit. The army yelps helplessly now that they're under your control when the beat REALLY kicks in.

"Now, FREEZE!"

Everydog freezes in random dance poses, obeying your orders. You wave for the two ponies to make it for the gates as you up the ante and push the jam meter to ELEVEN.

"Jump on it!"

"FOOLS! Stop jumping and start smashing!" Fang roars, failing to resist the groove.

"Never underestimate the power of the 'hyewmun' jams!"

Arrows fly overhead in sync with the rhythmic clanging of rusty metal as you smoothly skip your way through the dancing dogs towards the metal doors, ducking under the futile swings of your struggling victims. Up ahead, Wallflower feebly tries to pull the gates open while more guards come crawling in on all sides. You push the volume to full blast and force the team flying into a backflip.

The three of you spot a staircase and make your way up to the castle's battlements. Everydog makes one last stand to take you out and send a wave of every weapon they have AVAILABLE. Their intense assault kept you on your toes as you search for a way to escape. Besides the long drop towards the deformed, rocky bridge beyond the drawbridge, every other direction seemed like the only way out is a seemingly bottomless pit covered in a murky fog. Down the walls are more flimsy vines that you help your friends climb down.

Before you could do the same, however, a beam of light shoves you to the ground and pops the batteries out of your player. Out from the smoke before you comes a vengeful Glimmy.

"Augh, STAR! You threw off my groove!" you cough trying to plug the batteries back in.

"Must. DESTROY!!!"

Another magic blast burns the side of your shirt and takes a small chunk of the wall's structure, tripping you and pulling you back. Your leg is caught by your OP BFF, who dangles you over the misty abyss.

"Go ahead. THROW me away, Star! Throw away your own powerless human pal and leave him for dead!"

Without a second thought, the unicorn flings you off the edge like trash, watching you plummet.

"I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN YOUR REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY TIPS!!!"

---

Comments

[TheHardie-Boy]

[Bruh, why are you SINGING?!]

“It relaxes me! Can't you see I'm suffering a fate worse than the friend zone?!"

This conversation goes on for WAY too long

"I know playing hard to get occasionally gets you the girl but this is ridiculous!" you sheepishly chuckle.

Usually, it gets the girl the guy

"Star, don't shoot me, shoot HIM! He's a better target!"

This bit got a good laugh outta me. Nice job

The concerned mare rushes to you, digs into her bushy mane and pulls out a towel and a small, brown bottle. "What happened, are you alright?!" she says, cleaning the wound.

Isn’t that Pinkie’s thing?

"It's all GOOD!" you grunt, leaping to a nearby rooftop. "Everyone knows that the best way to escaping is under INTENSE deadly pressure!"

I’m pretty sure that’s the best reason to escape

The scummy mongrels restrain you roughly as the cloaked dog aims a rusty dagger at your neck. Before it could cut your skin, Wallflower suddenly hops in and smacks every surrounding mutt in the snout with a thick, rolled up newspaper. You're released from their grip as they flee rubbing their noses.

This works

"Uh, Lead Dog Fang, sir?" a guard waves. "Am I supposed to shoot Biscuits, or Ruffski?"

This goes on for some time

Spirit and Wally cower behind you as the wave of dogs charge on. As a dog lunges for you, you both find the guard moonwalking away and pole dances with his spear. With your groove spell now taking effect, you initiate the legendary arm wave that travels through every dog that stop dead in their pursuit. The army yelps helplessly now that they're under your control when the beat REALLY kicks in.

This works

"I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN YOUR REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY TIPS!!!"

<sigh>

And just when I was giving up on this story, you come back and save it. Too bad this happened

[Munro]

Discord demand's more popcorn

[Berseker]

I can wait for the next chapter ..... I can wait ...... I CANT WAIT !!!!