Anon II: The Second Part

by 23 KM To Nerdiness

Chapter 4: Going in Style

"Hey, thanks again for the sesh, Bulk."

"No problem Anon!" the buff stallion barks. "Exercise is the best, YEAH!"

You two fist/hoof bump.

"Hey, ya might wanna lay off on the hay-roids bud, it'll cause shrinkage up there."

Bulk looks up at his shrimpy little wings. "Worth it! YEEEEEEEAAAAH!!!"

He flexes his muscles before daintily flying away.

[Sheesh, he's intense.]

It's been a week and a half since you've initiated Operation: 'Get Smexy' (Smokin' Sexy for ya noobs) by getting fit everyday after work.

Gotta get rid of that beer cider-gut somehow...

So far, you have lost a substantial amount of weight and an even greater, painstakingly HUGE amount of willpower to turn down Pinkie's tastebud-titillating treats. You're not exactly buff, but you're not FLUFFY either. All you knew was Starlight wanted a beef cake, not a cheesecake. After a quick shower, you head to the Carousel Boutique to check on your snazzy suit from Rarity. Maybe then, she won't act so over the top when examining her work.

Later....

*sigh* Mother. Bucking. Rarity.

As you're standing there awkwardly on a 'designers stool', the elegant mare eyes your form, practically sniffing for small imperfections like a rabid bloodhound.

"Ooh! We'll go with a GREEN tie!" she squeaks excitedly.

"Green?" you question.

"It just really brings out the REAL you."

"I guess green is pretty good." you shrug. "As a famous actor once said: 'This is my swamp'."

The mare gives you a quizzical look before working her magic. Pun intended...

Fight me.

"Now, darling. Let's. Get. STYLING!"

[That sounds like the cue for a totally-not-forced music montage...HIT IT!]

---

"Soooo?" Rarity says. "What do you think of it?"

You look into a nearby mirror and examine your outfit: a lavender-colored tuxedo, black shoes, a yellow corsage to top it off, and the odd addition of the green tie...

[Shit. I look like Harley Quinn's pimp...I LOVE it.]

"I'd say you've created another masterpiece."

"I try, darling. Twas nothing."

As you admire her handiwork, a gleaming row of pony mannequins partially blocked by a velvet curtain catches your attention. "Hey, what are you working on over there?"

Her eyes widen.

"Oh! T-Those? Those are.....side projects of mine, nothing special. They're not ready."

"Mind if I take a loo-"

The frantic unicorn dashes to the curtain and yanks it over the dress, completely covering it from view.

"I SAID THEY'RE NOT READY YET!!!" she hisses.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry."

For such a sophisticated and refined mare, she knows how to strike FEAR into anyone. "Well it's been fun, but I have important matters to attend to, things to sew, fabric to organize, you know the usual."

Almost like time sped up, the fashionista escorts you to the door and places a peppermint candy in your pocket.

"Until then, Anonymous. Ta ta!"

Next thing you knew, she slams the door in your face.

"Ooooookayyy.....?"

[Drama queen. Or princess, I don't know why this world refuses to have queens.]

Anyways, you knew this suit'll most definitely impress your date, you could feel it. Feeling it riding up your spine...

No wait, that's just the presence of Pinkazoid, who slinks out the back of your shirt collar.

"Hiya, Nonny! Whatcha up to?"

"Hey, Pinks." you sigh. "I'm heading to see if Rarity's finished my suit."

"Ooooh, and what are YOU getting fancy for?" she asks slyly.

"Well-"

"NO WAIT, let me guess! You're going to some biiig party? Why wasn't I invited?! Was I already invited? Casual or fancy? It's gotta be fancy, you look fancy! The only fancy party I know is the Grand Galloping gala. *GASP* ARE YOU GOING TO THE GALA?!?! Who are you going with? Is it-MMMH!"

You stuff the peppermint down Pinkie McBoingBoing's throat. The smell of jalapenos was unbearable.

"Yes, I'm going. That's all I'm gonna say."

"Okie dokie lokie!" she muffles as you turn to leave. "Might wanna let Twilight know, most janitors never go to parties as big as that.

"Say what, now?"

You turn back to see the psycho mare has vanished.

Your stomach churns.

At the School of Friendship

*KNOCK*
*KNOCK*

"Come in!"

You enter Headmare Egghead's office to see the alicorn organizing her USUAL nerdy work. To this day, you still pay MASSIVE respects to the fallen feathers used for her 'hyewmun' research writing.

"Hey there, Anon!" she greets happily.

"Heyyyy, Twilight." you cringe. "How's it going?"

"Oh, the usual."

See what I mean?!

"Anyways, what brings you here?"

"Well....I was wondering...if you....wouldn't mind if I took a break from work to go to the gala with you guys?" you rush to finish.

"About that, Anon-"

"Before you say anything, I just want you to know, I myself need a little freedom to do certain things-"

"Um, Anon?"

"And I'm gonna go in specific detail on why I should go because blah blah blah-"

"ANON?"

"For I am a peacock, Twi! YOU GOTTA LET ME FLY!!!"

"ANON!!!" she barks.

"Yes, Ms. Sparkle?"

[Sheesh, why so serious Bat-Mare?]

"I don't know what you're 'blah'-ing about. I was GOING to say of COURSE you can come, you're not the only janitor here ya know."

"T-Thank you Twi." you sigh in relief. "THANK you Twi! You're a good mare, you're a fine mare, you're an outstanding mare!"

"Well....I wouldn't go THAT far, but-"

"Ya know, it was on the fence for a while: good mare, bad mare, good mare, bad mare. NOW it's official, you are a good mare!"

"Oh stop it." Twilight giggles. "It was noth-" she pauses. "Wait, WHO said I'm a bad mare?"

"Anywho, I'm gonna go. Catch ya later, byeeeeee!"

"Ya know peacocks don't FLY as oft-"

You slam the door on the nerd. Always hated being corrected.

---

Ah, there's nothing more relaxing than a good ol' fashioned Guy's Night to rest the bones or....whatever batshit insane stuff Discord's got in him.

"5o, I hEarD StArLi8ht inV1ted u to tHe G4la." said draconequus asks slyly.

"Yes she did." you answer proudly.

"What's your game plan?" Spike asks.

"I dunno. Guess I'll just wing it or something."

"W1ng ¡t?!" Y0u c4n't juzt 'w/ng 1T'. U g0ttA bE kool."

"Eeyup." Big Mac agrees.

"Just remember to stay calm and cool. You know, CHILL." Spike states.

"Got it. Stay CHILL."

"And remember that the night is darkest just before the dawn."

"Spike, that's the Dark Knight."

"What?" he asks.

"You're quoting Dark Knight, dude."

"Oh. Okay, how bout this: 'Do or do not'."

"Star Wars."

[That sneaky little buckwad!]

"Do unto others-"

"That's the Bible."

"Do wah diddy?"

"That's gibberish."

"Two plus two-"

"That's basic math. You have no original advice to give, eh Spike?"

"How about this one: two eggs, a cup of sugar, a half a cup of butter..."

"That's a recipe for cake!"

"Then yeah, I got nothing." Spike hangs his head. "Give me a break, I'm new to this whole 'preparing a fellow guy for a semi-date' thing. The Crusaders already took care of Big Mac-"

"Eeyup." the stallion chuckles sheepishly.

"And Discord's just...."

"D1sc0rd's ju5t wH4t?" the offended spirit of chaos asks expectantly.

"Discord's just........Discord."

".......we1l, c@n't arGuE w!th thaT." he shrugs.

"Just be yerself Anon." Mac adds. "Ah know it sounds like them sappy cat posters, but it's the truth."

"Will do, Sir McBiggun." you chuckle.

"4nd d0n,t sCr3w uP. Th@t's tHe M4IN Th|ng. La5t th1nG u wAn+ to d0 iz lo○k eVen M0R3 of a fo0l."

"Hey, I resent that!"

"I'm jUzt kiDd1ng....s0rt oF."

"I mean, you have BOATLOADS of charm, right Anon?"

"Y-Yeah. Tons of...charm."

"L1e5. Y0u c4n tel1 by h!s W/MPy v0iCe."

"Hey!"

"We'vE got T0 tr@iN oUr fel10w guY!"

"You sure about that, Discord?" Spike grunts. "Remember how teaching Big Mac how to be 'cool' for Sugar Belle ended up?"

"Eeyup."

"0f coUrSe! Th3y'rE st1ll to9etHer, ri8ht?"

"Ugh, he's got us there."

"Eeyup."

The demented deformed draconequus slinks around your body with a sinister smile. "DoN,t w0Rry @n○nyMous. We'Re gonNa te4ch u h0w to be c0o1."

"..."

"I'm gonna somehow regret this, aren't I?"

"With great power comes great responsibility, dude."

"Spike, bro......please stop."

---

Author's Note:

Feel free to like, comment and follow. 😉/)

Comments

[SethFilms]

I love this series; keep it up!

I don't like the shorts, Antics of Anon, that much though

[SethFilms]

Just finished reading all the chapters of now(1/20/19) and spikes quotes are crazy... Who needs Pinkie sense with Spike quotes!!!!!!

[23 KM To Nerdiness]

9413889
Thx 😁

[jrock117]

JESUS CHRIST!!! I completely forgot about how you write Discord. About had a stroke from his first word.

[23 KM To Nerdiness]

9488177
Oof. My bad. 😝

[Rikki]

"I guess green is pretty good." you shrug. "As a famous actor once said: 'This is my swamp'."

Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

[TheHardie-Boy]

Fight me.

With pleasure

[Drama queen. Or princess, I don't know why this world refuses to have queens.]

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a new princess. Princess Rarity, not the princess of animation errors, but the princess of drama

No wait, that's just the presence of Pinkazoid, who slinks out the back of your shirt collar.

SO many questions

"I don't know what you're 'blah'-ing about. I was GOING to say of COURSE you can come, you're not the only janitor here ya know."

Umm, yeah he is

"And remember that the night is darkest just before the dawn."

This goes on for some time

"0f coUrSe! Th3y'rE st1ll to9etHer, ri8ht?"

No thanks to you, if I remember correctly

You got lucky, I’m getting tired