Detective jakkid166 save Tha World

by jakkid166

True beginning

Me and Twilight and Pinkie and Rarity and Applejack were all was standing there looking at the dead pony that was Rainbow Dash and who was also a pegasus who was blue and had rainbow hair and also was the element of loyalty. And is also a pegasus.

"Aw fuck," I said at the body. "She dead. Thats not good."

"Oh NOOOOOOOO!" said Twilight "Not RAINBOW DASH! How coulde she have died?!"

"Yeah how are we suposed to do the elements of harmonarmony now?" said Pinkie Pie.

"I dunno." said me.

"Well shit," said Applejack. "Now we gotta find out who killed Rainbow dash. And then we can beat THEM with the elements of harmony!"

"But we cant do the elements if Rainbow is dead!" said Twilight. "Hey Jakkid do you wanna be the new element of loyalty?"

"Nah no thanks." I said.

"Oh okay"

I went to the body and investigated it some and I got sad at rainbow being dead. "ALAS! Poor rainbow, she died doing what she loved best: being alive."

But then Rarity saw somethign in the snow. "What the what is this?" said Rarity and she pulled out a bullet out of the snow.

"What the fuck I'M THE DETECTIVE IM SUPPOSED TO FIND THE CLUES! PUT IT BACK" I shouted at Rarity. So she put the bullet back in the snow.

Actually Twilight delete that part when you put it on fimfiction for me thanks.

"Hey wait a minute theres something in the snow" I said and I reached in the snow and pulled out a bullet. "This looks like a BULLET!"

"Wow!" said the mane 5 ponies at my astonishing revelation.

"This is an important clue" I said and I put the bullet in my court record.

"But," I said thinkingly "How could a bullet be related to a murder where a pony got shot?"

"I dont know," said Twilight. "But we've gotta figure out whose gun the bullet came from!"

"Good idea," I said me. "Its a good thing I brought my RIFLING MARKS DETECTING STATION!" and I pulle that out of my briefcase and set it up.

"What are rifling marks?" asked Applejack because she is an idiot.

"Rifling marks are like the fignerprints of a gun. With them you can tell WHAT GUN the BULLET came from!"

And so I put the bullet in the machine and it made a bunch of whirry whoogy machiniwinish drrdrrfgmm BrOOOOOP noises and it printed out a piece of paper. I grabbed the piece of paper and read it really hard. "Wait a minute" I said "This says the bullet came from MY gun!"

"WHAT?! Does that mean YOU killed her?" said Twilight and she made her fur stand up on end to look more big and intimidating.

"No I didnt" said me because I wasnt intimidated cause I'm a fearless detective. "This is stranger. I wasnt doing anything that could make somebody get shot when she died."

"Then what WERE you doing?"

"Well I was gone to find out why it was snowing so much. And I was shooting my gun a lot and stuff. And also I was walking." I said. "Wait that's IT! My WALKING had to be connected to the murder somehow!"

"But how?" said Rarity.

"Simplementary," I said really condesendingly. "Stastistly speaking, whenever someone dies on earth theres usually someone somewhere who is walking. This means that from me walking, the chance of a pony dying became a lot bigger."

"I dont understand these things you saying." said Twilight.

"Well thats just one theory. I have ANOTHER theory too which is this one: What if someone saw me walking by and tried to FRAME me for MURDER?"

"GAAAASP" gasped the gasp "But who would do that?"

But just then DICK AMERICA woke up! He sat up and looked around and said "What the fuck? Jakkid why are you here? You're a detective youre not supposed to be investigating."

"I figured out new information on the CASE!" I said smuggingly. "And you ain't gonna be really solving it first unless you can find more info too."

"Oh shit," said America "Hey jakkid I'll pay you money to give me new info on the case. Detective jakkid166 is a loose cannon."

"No," I said loyally. "Detective jakkid dont take bribes. Unless its a LOT of money, like maybe 2 hundred dollars."

"God dammit" said America "Im gonna have to take more drastic measure." And he took a phone out and talked into it. "Yes master it is time for plan B."

"What the hell is plan B?" I said, but then all of a sudden the GROUND started getting really SWIRLY. The clouds turned into WATER VAPOR and there was a big FLASH of a little bit of light and then DICK AMERICA and the CRIME SCENE were gone!

"SHIT!" I said. "He STOLE the CRIME SCENE! Now he can investigate it all he wants without us interfering in it."

"Wait a minute" said Twilight and she sawed a note on the ground that was left from where Dick America was standing. I picked it up and read it. And it said:

Dear Dick America:

You cannot let Jakkid solve the case or else the world will end. Also the world will end if jakkid reads this note so dont let him do that.

From ???

"Woah," I said loudly. "Who is question marks person? It could be anyone. What if its GOD?"

"No its not," said Rarity who was an atheist.

"But what does that mean?" said Twilight "If you solve the case the world will end? I thought the world end if you DON'T solve it."

"Well who am you gonna trust, god or some guy who talk through the clouds and sky?"

"I think thats the same thing."

"HMMMM" I said "God is testing my faith, I must persevere." And I pointed my finger really dramatically and the camera zoom in on my face. "WE HAVE TO FIND DICK AMERICA!"

TO BE CONTINUED

Comments

[An Intricate Disguise]

The funny thing is that this story actually has better beats and narrative drive than a lot of the stagnant, meandering shit you see elsewhere. Super compelling. You've earned a lifetime reader for sure.

[NorrisThePony]

"But we cant do the elements if Rainbow is dead!" said Twilight. "Hey Jakkid do you wanna be the new element of loyalty?"

"Nah no thanks." I said.

"Oh okay"

[jakkid166]

9235026
THANK you disguise person. Im glad you appreciate my storey writing and I appreciate you too, even if I dont read sex fanfics. But its still fine and I respect all taste.

[PresentPerfect]

God damn the fuck, Dick America

Actually Twilight delete that part when you put it on fimfiction for me thanks.

Ooh, a rare peek behind the curtain! :D