Detective jakkid166 save Tha World

by jakkid166

Hotel Kill You

We was all going in the car and my radio was playing music that was so good. But the music was so good that I accidentally started breakdancing while driving the car

"Jakkid pay attetion to the road" said Rarity.

"OH right sorry." and I got back in my seat. "Wait we're not in a road. Theres no roads in Pony world."

But then we stopped at a stop sign that was there for some reason.

"Why is there a stop sign?" I said comfusedly.

"I dont know jakkid but just be pateient and wait for it to turn green," said Applejack.

"Okay." I said and we waited for a while. But then we heard a SOUND other than the car making car sounds.

"Who does there?" I said and I got out my gun and looked around. But then a GUY came out of the bushes!

"Who Are yYou?" I said at him.

"My name is Assassins Creed. I'm here to murder you all!"

"No youre not."

"Oh okay" he said and he left.

Finally the stop sign turned green and we kept driving. "I wonder why people keep trying to murder us," I said. "Whoever is hiring them must be rich and also have a lot of money. I think its DICK AMERICA whos hiring them!"

"But" said Twilight "Doesnt Dick America use earth money?"

"No hes from Australia" I said.

"Oh okay"

Finally the all of us appeared at the next town that was a good town: It was called Appaloosa and it was a town that was filled with ponies and dirt.

"We better stop and rest here guys," I said leaderly "So we can be well rested for tomorrow."

So I park my car at the hotel but since it doesnt have a parking lot I had to park it in the lobby and all the ponies looked at it and was in awe at how cool my car looked. All of us bought a room (but it was realy expensive cause we neede a room with 7 bedrooms) and we went up there to sleep in the room for the night. When we got up there I sit on the couch and turne don the TV and but there was something WRONG!

Suddenly the guy from earlier appear on the TV and he said "Detective Jakkid your detective mind tricks wont work on me this time. I will kill you if its the first thing I do"

"Oh yeah? What if I pay you more money than Dick America to kill us?"

"No dice jose," said Assassin "Im not being paid in money. Im being paid in CASH!"

"SHIT!" I said and then the guy JUMPED OUT OF THE TV and he pulled out his gun and I pulled mine out and we shot a bunch of bullets at each other but we both missed. And since we was out of ammo we started sword fighting with our guns instead. Us two locked guns and the guy leane in real quick and said "Detective Jakkid166 I know the secret of who your Father is."

"WHAT!" I shouted and I break gun lock and aim my gun at him. "Tell me the secret!"

"Sorry but if you kill me you lose the secret forever."

"Then what do we do"

And then the guy grabbed Pinkie Jack and hold herhostage. "I kill all of you so you cant solve the crime."

"Ah but thats where you wrong" I said and I wagged my finger a bunch.

"What"

"If you kill us we will just become ghosts, and if were ghosts we can still go there and investigate."

"NOOOOOOOO!" shoute the Guy and he was about to Shoot Pinkie but I did a backflip onto his head and kicked him in the head and his gun fell into the sink and he walked over to the sink and accidentally pressed the garbage disposal and his gun was shreds. But it wasnt over! He grabbed a knife out of the garbage and aimed it at me.

"So what" I said "You gonna kill me now? If you do that ill become even more powerful"

"Not if I kill you two times." and he Threw the knife at me but I kickedit back at him and it ZOOM past him and he dodges it but he was distracted so I tackled him into the next room. I had my gun and I said "Tell me the secret NOW!"

"Sorry Jacked but you have beaten me, but you will not get my info mation." And suddenly he ate one of his teeth.

"What are you doing" I said

"Im eating my poison tooth pill. I think that was the wrong tooth though. Dammit I forget which one it was" and he started eating all his teeth trying to find the pill. Finally he found it and he ate it and his mouth got all worthy and he died.

"Goddammit!" I said "He musta had the poison tooth pills like in the spy movies. How can I get the secret if he disalived himself?"

So I walked out of the room and Twilight said "Did you learn the secret of your father?"

"No," I said "He was about to but got assassinated by himself before he could finish talking."

"Well that sucks," said Rarity.

"Yeah it is," I said. "Oh well. We better go to bed soon."

"I agree" said me. "We gotta be prepared for tomorrow. Anything can happen in the warld of Equestria"

But then Twilight was investigating the guy dead body and she said "Hey Jakkid look at dis"

So I went over there and she showed me it and it was the guys wallet. He had money in it and the money said it was paid to him from DICK AMERICA!

"I knew it" I shmouted "That bastardly villain. I will arrest him in the name of the law"

"But detectives cant be arrested," said Twilight.

"Oh right. Well then I'll put him in jail without arresting him first."

"Good idea!" said Applejack and we buried the dead guy in the living room because he was died of honor. I salute his body because he is respectable fighter. "Now then, it is the time for bed," I said and we went to sleep.

Comments

[Ice Star]

mom i'm scared

[Thought Prism]

I'm grinning so hard right now that my face hurts.

[Anonymous Critic]

[Anonymous Critic]

*reads the description*

...welp, another crackhole overglorified, terribly written, Mary Sue self insert story... that I'm probably going to be driven to help improve in my usual way...

*reads the comments*

"Wha? How so much praisings!? No sensefulness at all! Must brain fix!"

*after a trip at the brain repair workshop... AKA, slamming my head against the nearest hard, solid, large and flat object... repeatedly*

"...whaaaat? Okay, I got to see this..."

*heads over to it's prequel, adding it to the read it later list*

[FanOfMostEverything]

I mean, if the poison makes your mouth all worthy, that's definitely a sign you died of honor.

[Carabas]

This is art.

[jakkid166]

9264827
i do like polece squad and naked gun

[Anonymous Critic]

9264870
Glad to see I'm not the only one who likes Police Squad. Thing's hilarious... if an oldie.

So, *throws stone through window*, where did that come from..?

[PresentPerfect]

I SEE THAT WORTHY

"Im eating my poison tooth pill. I think that was the wrong one though. Dammit I forget which one it was" and he started eating all his teeth trying to find the pill. Finally he found it and he ate it and his mouth got all worthy and he died.

Okay, real talk, I enjoy these stories because they're cockamamie and ridiculous, and I enjoy laughing along with badly written writing, but this? This is legitimately hilarious comedy. Stuff like this is what puts your stories a cut above the competition. :)