Spike Dragon has always had a hard and unfair life on Earth so when his best often to take him to another world he agrees, only to find about some cultural differences
In spite of the rough dialogue, mostly due to its structure not content, the premise of this story is pretty good. Though I can't help but feel the romance is a bit rushed, and the whole pacing of the story as well. Other than that, the worldbuilding so far has me interested.
9452696 They aren't pony tribes, thestrals are ponies I'm going to keep to what little Hasbro has said about them as canon. And they will be talked about a little
10013629 Well I wrote this before kirins were a thing in MLP and I only wrote that breezies and sea ponies were pony tribes because they were in past gens, and should be again if you ask me. While I agree that kirins should be a pony tribe in future gens for now I'm just going with that kirins are just a different specie of kirin, one probably made by dragons and ponies interbreeding. As far the thestrals I have always just gone with the old pony clan theory for them. That being a pony clan is subtype of pony who isn't different enough from one of the main tribes to count as a different tribe but is still different then the made group. Also while I have use the name thestral for bat-ponies in the past I won't it the future because I now know of the cavalum, thestral are just from Harry Potter not from myth and they are fact describe more like hippogriffs then horses while cavalum are from folklore and they are just bat-horses
You can't really tell who is speaking because the spacing is off. Start a new dialogue in a separate paragraph
A decent story, especially in concept but you really need an editor or proofreader.
Great story needs editor badly !!
Sssssoooooooooooo when do we get to the love making scene?
(singing spookily)Po-ses-sive!
Needs a proof reader other then that this is interesting I'd like to see more
In spite of the rough dialogue, mostly due to its structure not content, the premise of this story is pretty good. Though I can't help but feel the romance is a bit rushed, and the whole pacing of the story as well. Other than that, the worldbuilding so far has me interested.
9080733
Seriously this. Just a handful of carriage returns are all you need. The long dialogue sections are a bastard to parse like this.
9225350
I'm glad you said this, I have a new editor for this now and have just updated it.
With the reveal of the Kirin, will you be updating it to 7 tribes?
9226078
No, The sea ponies and breezies were pony tribes in past gens while the kirin have never been a pony tribe
hehehehehehe, Spike is in for a surprise or twelve. prepare yourself my friend, nothing is as it seems.
Are zebras and thestrals considered pony tribes or they aren't going to be in this story?
9452696
They aren't pony tribes, thestrals are ponies I'm going to keep to what little Hasbro has said about them as canon. And they will be talked about a little
This was a nice little lore chapter but what are thestrals and Kirin if not pony tribes.?
10013629
Well I wrote this before kirins were a thing in MLP and I only wrote that breezies and sea ponies were pony tribes because they were in past gens, and should be again if you ask me. While I agree that kirins should be a pony tribe in future gens for now I'm just going with that kirins are just a different specie of kirin, one probably made by dragons and ponies interbreeding. As far the thestrals I have always just gone with the old pony clan theory for them. That being a pony clan is subtype of pony who isn't different enough from one of the main tribes to count as a different tribe but is still different then the made group. Also while I have use the name thestral for bat-ponies in the past I won't it the future because I now know of the cavalum, thestral are just from Harry Potter not from myth and they are fact describe more like hippogriffs then horses while cavalum are from folklore and they are just bat-horses