Spike Dragon has always had a hard and unfair life on Earth so when his best often to take him to another world he agrees, only to find about some cultural differences
I'm starting to lose interest in this story because of some aspects of it....
It feels like you're rushing the story a bit much. Try to calm it down a little and flesh out the interaction a bit more. They go to a friend of Twilight. Then Spike says ''Good day, this is still a culture shock, let's go on a date.'' Rinse and repeat.
The grammar in general.... - The lack of commas, give no breathing room in the sentences. - Misspelling, the use of wrong words and sometimes places where you accidentally words. Try to get an editor, and read through the chapter yourself an extra time to do a proof-reading. Having someone else just read through it to see if it flows well, is also good.
It's almost like you are on a mission to pair Spike up with nearly every major pony character in the MLP universe. Right now you're already aiming for RD, Fem/Spike & Rarity, Pinkie, AJ, Fluttershy and the CMC... That's 10:1 ratio in the herd....
Most ponies live in herd with one or two stallions as the husbands and fathers with four to six mares...
Quite a bit more than what was stated as the norm, that was mentioned in ''The Home Coming''-Chapter.
9459368 While I agree with you that he is rushing, I believe his problem with the size could be fixed if he added "Though it varies from Town to town" when talking about the herd size. But you do need to work on commas, don't we all.
Plus and this is what I really don't understand, we have no well near the structural racism as countries on Earth, and I'm not even sure how that is possible. Until you magic-blooded came about humans were all so similar to one another that none of your 'races and ethnicities' would even count as a different clan of the same tribe much less a different race yet humans make a far bigger deal of this then we do here on Gaia and there are real physical and biological differences with us.
Transcript: Dvorac: Why Martin Luther King? Why not Siddhartha or Gandhi? Florence: Fewest number of variables. Both sides of the conflict lived in the same country, spoke the same language, had the same religion, and wanted a better life for their kids. Dvorac: So... the only thing that kept the two groups apart was the ability to tell the two groups apart? How was that able to continue? Florence: Well, it takes some emperors longer than others to realize they have no clothes.
All that racism requires is a motive for treating one group better than the other group (in this case exploitation-based wealth starting with slavery; for various social and political reasons, Europeans could not be kept as slaves and indentured servitude was less lucrative because indenturement was time-limited and you could not own the children of an indentured servant; now that bigotry has caused an economic system that, as noted in the story, grotesquely brutalises the lower class, the motive is economic anxiety) and the ability to tell the two groups apart.
Spike turn to look at Twilight just in time to see her put hooves behind her back and lower wings. While looking back him with a very nervous look on her face."Yes game nights! We are really big into RPGs, ha ha ha." Twilight said clearly sweating.
Spike: Twilight. I love you, and I am eternally grateful for getting me off the racist capital of the universe; but if you dropped me in the middle of a magical demilitarized zone, I will fly my ass home if I have to!
Don't get them wrong Spike but there some things they don't wanna talk about.
Seriously though Twilight, do you want him to get arrested if he goes out with a filly or two?
9437122
It's an AU, different world, different set rules.
9437162
Just giving off a comical joke is all. When it comes to anime lolicons you gotta call the cops sometime.
9438992
They are not that, did you miss the part where I said they are the same age of Spike and Barbs in this?
9439097
I'm going to have to ask you not to post videos here
9439110
ok, sorry
At least tell us later on he'll get a pet?
9439017
.........................I never did catch that part. I was too focus on Spike x Twilight moments...
9439164
I never thought of it, I'm not saying not I just haven't thought of it
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter
I'm starting to lose interest in this story because of some aspects of it....
They go to a friend of Twilight. Then Spike says ''Good day, this is still a culture shock, let's go on a date.''
Rinse and repeat.
- The lack of commas, give no breathing room in the sentences.
- Misspelling, the use of wrong words and sometimes places where you accidentally words.
Try to get an editor, and read through the chapter yourself an extra time to do a proof-reading.
Having someone else just read through it to see if it flows well, is also good.
It's almost like you are on a mission to pair Spike up with nearly every major pony character in the MLP universe.
Right now you're already aiming for RD, Fem/Spike & Rarity, Pinkie, AJ, Fluttershy and the CMC...
That's 10:1 ratio in the herd....
Quite a bit more than what was stated as the norm, that was mentioned in ''The Home Coming''-Chapter.
9459368
While I agree with you that he is rushing, I believe his problem with the size could be fixed if he added "Though it varies from Town to town" when talking about the herd size. But you do need to work on commas, don't we all.
ALL HAIL DARTHDRAGON!
Will you be updating the story soon?
9650049
9650010
so why are you hating on him/her and not helping him /her????
the story is awesome
Update?
The herd is still forming beautifully.
That passage reminds me of this Freefall strip:
freefall.purrsia.com/ff1400/fc01381.png
All that racism requires is a motive for treating one group better than the other group (in this case exploitation-based wealth starting with slavery; for various social and political reasons, Europeans could not be kept as slaves and indentured servitude was less lucrative because indenturement was time-limited and you could not own the children of an indentured servant; now that bigotry has caused an economic system that, as noted in the story, grotesquely brutalises the lower class, the motive is economic anxiety) and the ability to tell the two groups apart.
Spike: Twilight. I love you, and I am eternally grateful for getting me off the racist capital of the universe; but if you dropped me in the middle of a magical demilitarized zone, I will fly my ass home if I have to!