Cadence Founds The Crystal Kingdom Orphanage

by Creativa-Artly01

Chapter 3

Two months later, Cadance and the council meet once again. "So, they've started the expansion," states Cadance, "and it may end up taking closer to a year than the seven months I asked for."

"We realize this, Princess, but the orphans need shelter soon as it's almost winter time."

"For now, then, we'll let them live in the main room and spare room," responds Cadance.

A few weeks later, just before winter fully hits, they let the orphan children into the castle and into the two selected rooms. The fillies into the main room and the colts into the spare room of the palace. Cadance then goes around herself and gives all the foals food and pillows and blankets. She then sits down and talks and even plays games with them. All the while, both Cadance and the orphans wear a smile across their faces.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, the builder ponies continue away on the continued building of the orphanage. As they continue to put up walls and then pipes and concrete, they whistle to themselves. They work on the extra expansion for several hours before taking a small lunch break then finally getting back to work. They then work until about midnight before finally returning home to their families.

Back at the castle, Cadance goes and tucks in Flurry Heart after making sure all the orphans are sleeping peacefully. Cadance then turns in for the night herself. All the while, she dreams about cutting the ribbon of the new orphanage alongside the local orphans. She really can't wait for it to open. She's just sad she has to wait an entire year for that to happen. Nonetheless, at least she's doing something about the orphan issue in the empire. Her aunt and mother would be so proud if they were alive. That, alone, gives Cadance great comfort indeed.

Comments

[Dxinsider]

to short of chapters. you are going way to fast

[Wiz Ahmad]

Good idea, but needs a LOT of elaboration and smooth, gradual pacing. Needs heavy editing.

[Steben]

Not a bad try, but a good story needs an obstacle. It can be anything from nature to Tirek. It's a bit hard to find someone that would oppose an orphanage. If it helps try to think of the setting a bit more. Do ponies let foals live on the street and not feel a bit of guilt? How do homeless foals normally live? Where do they eat? Sleep?

Other people said this but the chapters are too short. I think 1k words might be the minimum.

[Skywriter]

9030872
Another thing to think about is how your protagonist grows and changes in response to the challenges that face them. What is your character's journey as a person?

It's good to see the orphan aspect of Cadance's character being dealt with, not many stories do. Perhaps because it only is featured in secondary canon sources?

[HolyCross9]

I really like how the story is progressing. Also the word "boys" in one sentence should actually be "colts."

[Darksoul85]

I like this