November, 12, 986 ANM
Twilight Velvet was many things, a wife, a painter, and a soon-to be mother of not one, but two, as stated by her big round belly. She was sitting on her favorite rocking chair with a book in her magical grasp. It was about two. Her son, Shining Armor, was at school and her husband, Nightlight was at work and will be returning. It was a cold autumn day, and the baby wouldn't be there until Spring. She was in the living room as of now, reading about how to take care of her new baby girl, and yes, they found out about it from the doctor. A knock on the door alerted her, and when she opened it, there was a dark yellow earth pony colt with an orange mane, carrying what appeared to be the daily paper on his back. His eyes, they looked normal, but something was entrancing about them.
"Strange, you're not the usual paper boy..." Velvet said, getting closer to the strange pony when suddenly, it started to shift, revealing a large mechanical biped, even bigger than Celestia, which let out a loud robotic roar from its nonexistent mouth, grabbing Velvet with a metallic hand and went off.
Twilight Velvet squirmed around as the machine ran away from her house, and saw glimpses of a strange green gas, and all the ponies seemed to be knocked out by that said gas. Velvet held her breath, trying to get out oh the range of the gas, but to no avail. She opened her mouth to early and began to fall asleep. Within seconds, the gas got to her and she fell fast asleep.
November 14
Velvet was NOT having a good day as of now. She was ambushed and kidnapped by these aliens, who inhibited her magic to make sure she does not escape. She was strapped to an operating table as they kept injecting some weird green substance into her womb with tubes, particularly aiming at the still developing baby growing that was growing inside her. What do they want with her unborn foal?
All that was clear for her was that the aliens seem to be communicating with each other.
EXCELLENT! THE EMBRYO'S DNA IS RECONSTRUCTING AT A GOOD PACE. PRETTY SOON, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A RAISE!
SHOULD WE CONTINUE WITH THIS STUFF?
OF COURSE, IT'S WHAT WE DO, SO WE CAN AMUSE OURSELVES?
UM, YES.
EXACTLY. WE'RE NOT HAVING A TEA PARTY HERE, BUT, I DO ADMIT THAT IT IS AMUSING TO SEE IT SCREAM FOR HELP. BUT THERE IS NO HELP TO BE FOUND.
All Velvet heard from those metallic aliens were robotic beeps and whistles. They appeared to be talking about something, and they also seemed to understand her, but why can't she understand them?
I KNOW, RIGHT? BUT WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?
WE'RE DOING THIS SIMPLY FOR NO APPARENT REASON DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
YEAH! HOMO SAPIENS IS EXTINCT.
CORRECT. WE'RE SUPPOSEDLY THE LAST OF HUMANKIND'S CREATIONS, AND POSSIBLY EVEN THE LAST REMAINS OF EARTH.
THIS APPEARS TO BE EARTH, GENIUS, BUT WE DON'T CARE. WAIT? WE'RE WASTING THE LAST GENETIC CODE OF HOMO SAPIENS IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE, BILLIONS OF LIGHT YEARS AND NO MAN. GOOD THING IT WAS ONLY A FEW FLOATING CHROMOSOMES AND NOTHING ELSE.
THIS IS NOT THE KNOWN UNIVERSE YOU SPOKE OF, THAT'S THE OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE, YOU DUNCE! FOR ALL WE KNOW, HUMANITY COULD STILL BE OUT THERE IN THE GALAXY, BUT OUR FUN CANNOT LAST FOREVER...
Both Mechadrons turned to the DNA Converter, showing that the transformation had completed.
THE LAST OF THE DNA HAS BEEN TRANSFERRED, WHAT SHALL WE DO?
SINCE I'M IN A GOOD MOOD, LET'S LET IT GO. JUST KNOCK IT OUT COLD AND WE'RE READY TO GO. WE'LL JUST WIPE THE MEMORY OF HER DISAPPEARANCE FROM THE MEMORIES OF EVERYONE ON THIS WORLD.
OKAY. LET'S GO TO ANOTHER GALAXY BEFORE, THEY, FIND US.
The Mechadron pulled out a large black club, and with whacked Twilight Velvet on the head, knocking her out.
November 23
"I'm telling you, that's what happened, Doctor." Twilight Velvet said to the therapist, who she couldn't see because the chair was faced away from her.
"Alright, Ms. Velvet, have you taken any drugs?"
"No, Doctor." Velvet said. She never used drugs in her life.
"Okay, so did you drink any time recently. If so, how long?"
"I'm telling you, Doctor, I didn't take any drugs, I didn't drink, any of that. What's gotten into me?" Twilight Velvet said.
"I'm not sure, but I think that you had mild delusions. If what your saying is true, then the baby is different than other foals." the psychiatrist said as he wrote on a notepad.
"If the baby's normal, I'll go."
"Part of me hopes you are right about your baby problem. We'll see."
"Okay."
December, 3
This is it. The baby's about to come out, much earlier than predicted. It's now or never. If the baby's normal, then it's straight to the mental asylum with her. If it even had something like a second horn, then she was right. It's the big test.
The baby girl was delivered, and it looked like a normal baby on some standards like the shape of the head, horn, and wings. Wait, is she an alicorn? Her answer was confirmed when they took a close look at her. She had a coat of lavender fur with a navy blue mane and tail, both of which had a purple and pink stripe in them. She looked like any normal pony, except for the fact that instead of hooves, the baby had weird claws on her front and hind limbs, the latter a bit longer than her front.
"Well, I'll be a monkey's butt, you weren't crazy after all, pumpkin." Nightlight said as their baby played with Velvet's hoof with her hands and attempted to suck on it. When she saw the baby's eyes, there was something off. Her right eye was purple and looked normal, but her left eye's iris looked like it was almost mechanical.
"What do you think we should call your baby? We can't just disown her, that would be wrong." the doctor said.
Velvet thought about the stars of the night, and the stars she saw outside of the spaceship and how they sparkled with joy.
"I was think Twilight, Twilight Sparkle. How's that?"
"I think it's a beautiful name..."
Hmm a bit odd but buck so am I LOL. So I will see where this ride goes.
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One comment and whoosh! We're off. That fast? Well...
Hold onto your asses, cause HERE WE GO!!
Oddly enough, I was not turned off by the word Anthro because the title suggested there was only one, and that that simple fact was the very premise of the story. I am intrigued. Inspection of the story tags and description confirms, appeases, and inspires this intrigue. You have done well thus far. I shall now read.
Well, this is a bit of a mess. There's a lot of potential in it—don't get me wrong—but you need to clean it up. Run this through a proofreader. Most word processors such as wordpad, and microsoft word will have a grammar and spellcheck built in. You've got misspellings, tense slips, and entire word mistakes littered about.
On top of that, this pacing is extremely rapid. Slow down, describe scenes, describe emotions, describe surroundings.
Obviously, this is an amateur fanfiction site, so I'm not expecting you to be a professional author, but you piqued my curiosity enough to look at this story, so I would very much like to see it, and you, improve.
Alright, I’ll bite. Let’s see what you have in store, and hope this isn’t a bore.
All I can say is that, this is an intriguing start to the story. Yeah, the stuff about the aliens was weird, but it DOES help the fact that Twi was born both an alicorn AND an anthro make more sense. Of course, being born an alicorn will give her a bit more common ground with her future niece Flurry Heart (even if Flurry won't be born an anthro) plus being born an anthro will give her some common ground with Spike (since dragons actually ARE technically anthro by nature in Equestria [i.e. they can comfortably walk fully upright and use their upper claws like hands]). Hopefully, the other kids and nobles aren't going to be TOO cruel to Twi just for being different.
Sorry about that. Got carried away.
At any rate, I will certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will also be quite willing to respect the fact that you probably have a life outside the computer room.
Odd, but funny
I think the aliens could have done better without caps lock, but otherwise I can just assume thier commentary was a meta joke.
Good start to this story, but why not any Equestria Girls movies, after all wasn't Sunset still Celestia's student before Twilight?
Looks interesting. Defanitly something I'd continue to read.
not bad per-say but the speed verses the length is way out here's the math (slow+short=good) (fast+long=good) (slow+long=good) take one of these times update speed and you get a grate fic , now this means you use the 1st one is fast in update's 2ed is medium in update's 3rd is slow in update's it's all about what you do as a fiction-neair and I've read a lot of fanfic to come up with this math stuff and I'd love for any pony tell me I'm wrong on it
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You’d be surprised how fast your story can get noticed, am I right?
Well, would you look at that, Mr. Popularity.
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And I can tell you, this may or may not be the last we see of the Mechadrons.
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And I can tell you, this may or may not be the last we see of the Mechadrons.
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She'll remain exactly the same.
If EqG is not to come, is Sunset to just be left in a slum? It’s a rather terrible fate, considering how she becomes great.
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Read the next chapter.
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Heh, very. I haven't been expecting that.
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Heh, you made a rhyme.
Well this is an interesting development. The premise of the story interested me. The actual execution of the first chapter was both cringe and curiosity-inducing simultaneously.
i love that ur justification of the premise is basically a fuck u ex machina.
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At least he tried to disguise it, I would have done waaaaaayyyy worse
Interesting you seem to have improved and the explanation feels a bit forced, but I'll let it slide because it was kind of funny and did make some sense. Also... eh... Genetics is a bit more complicated than that, one thing you did get right is them doing the genetic modifications before she was born, this makes sense because she is still developing in the womb. So far it seems good I'll keep reading.
My first reaction was: "What the f... What the fuck is this?"
My second reaction was: "I see. It's a trash-book. It's all a joke over genre, right? Right?"
Bwahahahaha, I'd think the title was mechanical breast
Bloody hell this is going to be one strange story