I am honestly conflicted about this chapter a bit to be honest. I think the biggest thing that stood out and really kinda took me out of it is that is went far too fast and felt super rushed. This relationship is going way WAY too fast. For love to even be a possibility right now is far too quick and honestly Spike is showing far too much care for her and her changling for JUST seeing her and having NO positive impression of her at all up till this point. I think things need to slow way down and REALLY show this relationship building, they are starting from honestly like a negative square one and we need to see it. We can't have Spike talking about love and some strong feelings out of nowhere. I also think that just the distance between the two chapter's release date didn't really help. I am not saying force yourself to put it out faster not at all, but I am saying we needed a nice build up at the start to get us back in but like I said it felt rushed. I say if you slow things down and we really get to see them build a relationship maybe starting as just friends and going from there would be nice. Show each changling having unique personalities of their own. Show that this isn't going to be easy for Spike or the Changling.
8675556 They're not in love yet. Chrysalis still doesn't know if she should love him and her followers still don't trust him enough either, but I do thank you for the constructive critisism, this'll definitely help me improve the story in the next chapter.
8675577 Sure no problem any help I could provide I am happy to do. I get they aren't in love yet. But when Rarity questioned him he gave he doesn't know yet. I just felt that should have been a hard no or something like that instead of hinting about it. And I just feel Spike came off as really strong with alot of things when it came to them. I feel it should have been more of him feeling like they are his responsibility or even that his overall good guy nature won out. But he shouldn't outright trust them right off the back with NOTHING to support or even suggest that trust should be had. Not to mention Chrysalis came off way to strong with her changing as well. I mean her wondering about love and all of that. Way too on the noise too early. We need like a chapter or two to see that change even start to happen. Idk.... it very well could just be me and I hate to come off as sounding like a ass or anything like it it was just something that screamed at me through the whole chapterm
looks like you have a little goof there, that d is supposed to be a g. Errors in the first paragraph usually donโt bode well for the rest of the chapter. You also seem to be a bit confused about tense, seeing as you have past and present tense words in the same paragraph on a few occasions.
8675849 Look, his grammer might be off, but give him some credit already, he's trying his hardest to make you guys happy with this story, but he's only gotten one comment that's happy this 2nd chapter us up.
In my opinion, this chapter touched my heart when he showed how much he cared.
8675869 Easy there, they're just being honest. And I won't lie, my grammar sounds a bit off, but I do what I can so it'll make sense, so no need to think it's all bad right now. All that matters is that I got a little praise
First! Thanks for the chapter. Pls take my thoughts and use them for good of all pony kind.. lol brony kind. Seriously, this is all my opinions and I'm not an expert of any kind. Now, for my comments: A lot of what I want to say have already been said in DragonPony's comments... 8675598 DragonPony I know how you feel... Comments like his are helpful because I don't like repeating. When Rarity came in the middle of the night, my mind went... ๐ฅ When Rarity just ask do you love Chrysalis, my mind went... ๐ฅ again. When Spike basically says "Idk... maybe later", well my mind just went ๐ and then๐... and dies โ and then... ๐ฅagain.
When Chrysalis cries I can say that was very good for the plot... it was slow and nice outcome to Spike kindness ๐ผ When Chrysalis heart beats...๐ Twilight was getting on my nerves, just let the big dragon do what he wants. TWILIGHT YOU NEED TO CHILL... WHAT CAN CHANGLINGS THAT CAN'T BARELY MOVE AND CHRYSALIS WHO CAN'T EVEN WALK DO... TO A FIRE BREATHING DRAGON Twilight, WHY DID YOU CALL HIS EX-CRUSH FOR?... AND WHY YOU LEFT AND GO TO SLEEP... AFTER SETTING THAT TYPE OF BOMB UP... Lol my thoughts are coming out... I surprise you didn't just tied them to their beds... Just take it easy Spike you find your one and only soon...
8675879 Take a minute to breathe then read and envision... Spike life in your story. Whatever you envision and you reading don't feel right, just try again. Now in chapter 4, I wonder can injured changelings handle a Celestia... it's all up to you if they can survive this fatal encounter with the Princess of the Sun... I can't wait to find out in the next chapter.
It is a good chapter, am I the only one who thought that Spike should have replied sarcastically to Twilight when she
"Spike, what were you thinking?! You know they feed off love!"
and he could probably reply with "Oh, no Twilight, and here I thought the feed of Dragons!?" (Best I could think of Ill try to come up with one better!)
Rarity just couldn't deny how much Spike has grown ever since he was just a baby dragon. All he cared about back then was winning her heart and affections, but now here he is, helping out others in their direst of needs and she knew she was never going to win Spike's heart as her lover. But at least she was going to be there for him as a kind and supportive friend, so without further ado, she leans in and hugs Spike, catching him by surprise and whispered in his ear, "You truly are a kind and generous dragon."
I'm a bit confused by this, probably because it sounds like a typo--and other times it just feels awkward. I get that Rarity realizes how much Spike means to her and vice versa her to him, which is why it is still so heartbreaking for him to see ex-crush still have feelings for him, even though she's married and has a kid (it's obvious that she's moved on but at the same time she's holding back). But then that line saying that SHE was never gonna win SPIKE's heart as HER lover just seems wrong...Should it be more like 'She knew that he was never gonna win her heart as his lover, so at least she was gonna be there for him as a kind and supportive friend.' or is it just me?? It's obvious that Thunderlane beat Spike soundly in winning Rarity, why that happened (age, species, differenct paths, what have you..) is not really relevent, but that line makes it seems like now that Rarity has someone, she now has some 'more than friends' feeling for Spike, and coincidentally it's because Spike is caring more for another attractive female beside Rarity (Chrysalis) instead of Rarity now..
...maybe I'm looking too much into it because of the apparant Sparity rejection...so sue me, I'm a Sparity fantic, though I'm more of the desire that Spike deserve love, regardless of who it is...
I am honestly conflicted about this chapter a bit to be honest. I think the biggest thing that stood out and really kinda took me out of it is that is went far too fast and felt super rushed. This relationship is going way WAY too fast. For love to even be a possibility right now is far too quick and honestly Spike is showing far too much care for her and her changling for JUST seeing her and having NO positive impression of her at all up till this point. I think things need to slow way down and REALLY show this relationship building, they are starting from honestly like a negative square one and we need to see it. We can't have Spike talking about love and some strong feelings out of nowhere. I also think that just the distance between the two chapter's release date didn't really help. I am not saying force yourself to put it out faster not at all, but I am saying we needed a nice build up at the start to get us back in but like I said it felt rushed. I say if you slow things down and we really get to see them build a relationship maybe starting as just friends and going from there would be nice. Show each changling having unique personalities of their own. Show that this isn't going to be easy for Spike or the Changling.
8675556
They're not in love yet. Chrysalis still doesn't know if she should love him and her followers still don't trust him enough either, but I do thank you for the constructive critisism, this'll definitely help me improve the story in the next chapter.
8675577
Sure no problem any help I could provide I am happy to do. I get they aren't in love yet. But when Rarity questioned him he gave he doesn't know yet. I just felt that should have been a hard no or something like that instead of hinting about it. And I just feel Spike came off as really strong with alot of things when it came to them. I feel it should have been more of him feeling like they are his responsibility or even that his overall good guy nature won out. But he shouldn't outright trust them right off the back with NOTHING to support or even suggest that trust should be had. Not to mention Chrysalis came off way to strong with her changing as well. I mean her wondering about love and all of that. Way too on the noise too early. We need like a chapter or two to see that change even start to happen. Idk.... it very well could just be me and I hate to come off as sounding like a ass or anything like it it was just something that screamed at me through the whole chapterm
8675598
no worries, you're just being honest and I appreciate it.
Thank God!!! Another chapter for this great story!! Cant wait for the next one.
IsraelYabuki, Thank you!!
8675650
I fixed it, thanks
looks like you have a little goof there, that d is supposed to be a g. Errors in the first paragraph usually donโt bode well for the rest of the chapter. You also seem to be a bit confused about tense, seeing as you have past and present tense words in the same paragraph on a few occasions.
8675849
Look, his grammer might be off, but give him some credit already, he's trying his hardest to make you guys happy with this story, but he's only gotten one comment that's happy this 2nd chapter us up.
In my opinion, this chapter touched my heart when he showed how much he cared.
8675869
Easy there, they're just being honest. And I won't lie, my grammar sounds a bit off, but I do what I can so it'll make sense, so no need to think it's all bad right now. All that matters is that I got a little praise
Nicely done! I think Chrysalis is discovering a heart!
8675879
I agree, it was a rather emotion filled chapter.
8675879
Thank you so much for this chapter. Cant wait 4 more
First! Thanks for the chapter. Pls take my thoughts and use them for good of all pony kind.. lol brony kind. Seriously, this is all my opinions and I'm not an expert of any kind. Now, for my comments: A lot of what I want to say have already been said in DragonPony's comments...
8675598
DragonPony I know how you feel...
Comments like his are helpful because I don't like repeating.
When Rarity came in the middle of the night, my mind went... ๐ฅ
When Rarity just ask do you love Chrysalis, my mind went... ๐ฅ again.
When Spike basically says "Idk... maybe later", well my mind just went ๐ and then๐... and dies โ and then... ๐ฅagain.
When Chrysalis cries I can say that was very good for the plot... it was slow and nice outcome to Spike kindness ๐ผ
When Chrysalis heart beats...๐
Twilight was getting on my nerves, just let the big dragon do what he wants. TWILIGHT YOU NEED TO CHILL... WHAT CAN CHANGLINGS THAT CAN'T BARELY MOVE AND CHRYSALIS WHO CAN'T EVEN WALK DO... TO A FIRE BREATHING DRAGON
Twilight, WHY DID YOU CALL HIS EX-CRUSH FOR?... AND WHY YOU LEFT AND GO TO SLEEP... AFTER SETTING THAT TYPE OF BOMB UP...
Lol my thoughts are coming out...
I surprise you didn't just tied them to their beds...
Just take it easy Spike you find your one and only soon...
8675879
Take a minute to breathe then read and envision... Spike life in your story. Whatever you envision and you reading don't feel right, just try again.
Now in chapter 4, I wonder can injured changelings handle a Celestia... it's all up to you if they can survive this fatal encounter with the Princess of the Sun... I can't wait to find out in the next chapter.
Yay! New chapter was very good in quality for reading material. Now to patiently wait for more
It is a good chapter, am I the only one who thought that Spike should have replied sarcastically to Twilight when she
and he could probably reply with "Oh, no Twilight, and here I thought the feed of Dragons!?" (Best I could think of Ill try to come up with one better!)
Little Miss Cactus has a soft spot for Spike.
8676986
Miss Cactus?????
Do you mean Chrysalis?
8676423
I did as well.
She has a heart!!!!! I hope the others discover theirs as well.
I'm a bit confused by this, probably because it sounds like a typo--and other times it just feels awkward. I get that Rarity realizes how much Spike means to her and vice versa her to him, which is why it is still so heartbreaking for him to see ex-crush still have feelings for him, even though she's married and has a kid (it's obvious that she's moved on but at the same time she's holding back). But then that line saying that SHE was never gonna win SPIKE's heart as HER lover just seems wrong...Should it be more like 'She knew that he was never gonna win her heart as his lover, so at least she was gonna be there for him as a kind and supportive friend.' or is it just me?? It's obvious that Thunderlane beat Spike soundly in winning Rarity, why that happened (age, species, differenct paths, what have you..) is not really relevent, but that line makes it seems like now that Rarity has someone, she now has some 'more than friends' feeling for Spike, and coincidentally it's because Spike is caring more for another attractive female beside Rarity (Chrysalis) instead of Rarity now..
...maybe I'm looking too much into it because of the apparant Sparity rejection...so sue me, I'm a Sparity fantic, though I'm more of the desire that Spike deserve love, regardless of who it is...
8679291
Rarity's not married in this story.
i really cant wait for new chapters
8724834
Same here!!
Edit 6/6/2018:
Quite an emotional chapter, knowing Spike might risk himself for caring about her, we can see how this will turn out for the better