My Little Pokemon

by Alabenson

The Un-Fair Folk

“Oh wow, just look at this place!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed as she and Fluttershy marveled at the latest town. Seelieburg had apparently been built to resemble some sort of fairytale village, with half-timber homes flanking cobblestone streets that led to castle overlooking the town.

“I had a feeling you two would appreciate this place,” Derek said. “The gym leader here is really big on the whole fairytale aesthetic, in fact she has her gym in that castle over there.”

“Actually, this place reminds me a lot of home,” Fluttershy said as she walked down the street, part of her expecting to see a pony trot out from a side street at any moment.

“Yeah, I’m not really surprised this place is more your style than Port Maganese was. Especially since this is the place where you’ll find Confectioner’s Row.” Fluttershy briefly considered asking Derek what that was, but a sudden scream of delight from Pinkie Pie made her suspect she was about to find out anyway.

“It’s…it’s so beautiful…” a teary-eyed Pinkie Pie said as she stood transfixed at the end of what appeared to be a major side street. Fluttershy rushed to Pinkie’s side to see what the fuss was about, where she quickly saw her answer and realized why the street was called Confectioner’s Row. The street laid out before them was lined with every variety of bakery and candy store imaginable, offering the vastest array of sweets Fluttershy had ever seen. And, given the length of time she had known Pinkie Pie, that was an impressive feat by itself.

“Confectioner’s Row, home to about four dozen or so bakeries, candymakers, chocolatiers, and probably a couple of people with specialties I don’t even know the terms for. Pretty much if it’s sweet, you can probably find someplace here that sells it, and there’s a better than average chance at least one place her specializes in it.” Pinkie, surprisingly, said nothing to this. A quick glance revealed that Pinkie’s silence was due to the fact that she had already run off, leaving a Pinkie Pie-shaped cloud in her wake. “She’s probably going to be a while, isn’t she?” Derek asked, to which Fluttershy nodded her head.

“The last time I saw Pinkie Pie like this was when we all went to the Equestrian Candy Makers Expo in Las Pegasus. We’re…not allowed at that convention center anymore.”

“I feel like that should concern me, but I’m just going to set that aside for the time being. So, on a subject that is less likely to give me an ulcer, are you sure you want to try going for your third gym badge?”

“I think so…yes. Yes, I do want to do this. And not just because my Pokémon want to, either. I think battling with them is helping make me stronger, too.”

“Well, if you really think you’re up for it, then we can always head up to the gym while Pinkie’s doing…whatever it is that Pinkie’s doing. I should give you fair warning, though. The gym leader here is fairly strong…and pretty much completely out of her mind. And I’m saying that as someone who’s spent the last couple of weeks having Pinkie Pie as a point of comparison,” Derek added.

“Oh, I see,” Fluttershy replied, a little more subdued.

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like she’s particularly nasty or anything,” Derek quickly said. “She’s just…eccentric. Really, really, really eccentric. I just wanted to make sure you prepared for what you’re about to run into.”

“I don’t think you need to worry about be, I’m pretty used to dealing with eccentric,” Fluttershy said with a slight hint of smugness. “Let’s just say that I have a friend who’s even more chaotic than Pinkie.”

“…I’m just going to file that under ‘I do not want to know’ and move on,” Derek said. “Anyway, if you’re good to go, then let’s get going. With any luck, we can finish this up before Pinkie Pie puts herself into a diabetic coma.”

*********

“Man, we have got to figure out some kind of trouble, and fast. Otherwise the boss is gonna majorly chew us out,” Ribcage grumbled.

“You know, I was thinking, maybe the reason our plans keep getting screwed up is we’re trying too hard,” Femur said. “Hear me out, every time we try to cause trouble, we end up the ones getting beat down. But, what if we tried causing trouble were there weren’t anybody to fight back? That way, we wouldn’t catch a beating no matter how much trouble we caused.”

“Yeah, but, how’re we supposed to do that? And besides, pickin’ on guys who can’t fight back is fun and all, but I don’t really think that’s the sort of stuff that’ll impress the boss.”

“No, dude, that’s the best part, I’ve already got it figured out; old stuff,” Femur said triumphantly. “Like, antiques and junk. That stuff’s supposed to be real valuable, isn’t it? And, most of the losers who have a lot of that stuff are old themselves, so they’d be nice and easy to rob.”

“Man, that plan sounds great, but I think I just got an idea that’s even harder! What if we robbed that place?” Femur looked over to where Ribcage was pointing to see Seelieburg’s castle-shaped gym.

“Aw dude, no. Not another gym, remember what a bust that last gym was?”

“No, dude, this’d be completely different! That things a castle, and castles always have loads of old valuable junk in ‘em. We can just break in there, steal a bunch of stuff and get out before anybody even knows we were there.”

“Yeah, but what about the gym leader? Taking on one of those guys would be a real pain, and I’m tired of getting my butt kicked.”

“Way ahead of you. What we do is wait for some doofus to try challenging the gym leader before we bust in. That way, the gym leader will be too busy with their stupid responsibilities and junk to try and stop us!” Femur nodded his head as he considered Ribcage’s plan.

“Yeah, yeah that could work. Let’s do it! We’ll show those losers why they should always be scared of the hardest boneheads from Team Skull!”

*********

While it was easy to see that the Seelieburg Gym had been built to resemble a massive castle, it wasn’t until Fluttershy reached its gates that she was able to appreciate the attention to detail that had gone into its construction. Accessing the castle involved walking across a drawbridge over a water-filled moat into a grand hallway that terminated in a massive, sweeping staircase. Everything inside the castle was lavishly ornate, covered in carvings and gilt, though the prevailing artistic themes of flowers and cute, cuddly animals kept Fluttershy from being too intimidated by it all.

“So, where do we go to find the gym leader?” Fluttershy asked as the pair approached the staircase.

“We’re not going to really have to do anything, she should be here any—” Derek was abruptly cut off as a blaring trumpet fanfare erupted from several hidden speakers in the walls. “Yep, here she comes.” The doors to the outside slammed shut as all the lights in hallway shut off, plunging the room into total darkness as the trumpet fanfare was replaced by a nasally voice.

“Presenting her most gracious royal highness, the exalted Queen Titania, sovereign of the Summer Court and protector of the realm!”

“I sear, that introduction gets longer every time I come here,” Derek said, rolling his eyes as a spotlight turned on, illuminating a woman at the top of the stairs, dressed in the laciest, frilliest, pinkest, most gaudy and elaborate dress Fluttershy had ever seen. The woman’s blonde hair was done up in a pile of braids nearly a foot high, held in place by numerous strings of pearls all connecting to a bejeweled tiara. Strangest of all, however, were the massive, lace fairy-wings attached to the woman’s back, which stuck out several feet to either side. Overall, it was an outfit so ostentatious that Fluttershy suspected that even Rarity might have said it went to far.

“Greetings, gentle visitors, and welcome to the court of we, Queen Titania. What brings you to our fair lands?” Titania asked in a voice that sounded to Fluttershy like someone trying to fake a Canterlot accent, and failing badly.

“I have a challenger for you,” Derek said as he motioned for Fluttershy to go on.

“Oh…right,” Fluttershy said before clearing her throat. “I’m here to challenge you for my third badge. If that’s alright with you, that is.”

“A challenger? Splendid!” Titania exclaimed, clapping her hands together eagerly. “But be warned, my dear. Should you fail you challenge, you both will be forced to remain here in my court…FOREVER!”

“No we won’t,” Derek immediately replied as though he were expecting Titania’s proclamation, much to Fluttershy’s relief.

“Hmph, well you’re just no fun at all,” Titania said with an exaggerated pout. “Ah well, we’ll just have to move straight to the main event. We shall see you in the ball room.” With that, a massive cloud of smoke billowed out from Titania’s feet, leaving her nowhere to be seen.

“I swear to Arceus, that woman gets stranger every time I come here. For what its worth, you should be careful while battling her, Titania might have a few dozen screws loose, but there’s a pretty skilled trainer buried under all the ridiculous costumes and drama-student theatrics.”

“Don’t worry about me, I know how to deal with—” Fluttershy paused and lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “—drama queens.”

*********

“Oh wo, I haven’t gotten to eat like this in a long time,” Pinkie Pie groaned happily as she leaned back on a park bench and patted her belly. “I should really try and remember this place if I find Mr. and Mrs. Cake, I’d bet they’d love it here, so many new types of sweets.” As Pinkie Pie continued to come down from her sugar-induced haze, it slowly occurred to her that her friends were nowhere to be seen. “Huh, that’s weird, I could have sworn Fluttershy and Derek were…back at the top of the street. Oops, I guess I did kind of rush of without them, didn’t I? Well, they’ve got to be somewhere, right? I just need to figure out how to find them.”

As Pinkie Pie pondered what to do next, she asked herself what her friends would do in this situation. “Twilight would probably use some kind of spell to find her friends, but I can’t really do that since I’m not a unicorn. Plus, I’m pretty sure humans don’t even have magic, though maybe I should ask Derek about that to make sure then next time I see him. Rainbow Dash would probably just zoom everywhere until she found who she was looking for, and I could try that. Ooh, but I’m still feeling kinda full after eating all those cakes, I don’t know if I’m up for going full Pinkie-speed. Okay, think Pinkie, what about Applejack? Didn’t she have a way of finding Apple Bloom that time the Cutie Mark Crusaders went into the Everfree Forrest trying to get their Cutie Marks in forestry…” Pinkie thought as hard as she could, trying to remember exactly what Applejack had done to find her wayward sister, until the answer suddenly hit her like a thunderbolt.

“She had Winona track Apple Bloom down! And I do have a doggie that I bet could find Fluttershy and Derek no problem. Go, Twenty Three!” Pinkie tossed out Twenty Three’s Poké Ball, letting out her cheerfully barking Growlithe. “Alright, Twenty Three, I have a super duper important mission for you. Are you ready?” Twenty Three let out an eager bark as it stood at attention, ready to be given its assignment. “Okay then. I need you to help me find Fluttershy and Derek. Do you think you can do that?” Twenty Three responded by hopping up into Pinkie Pie’s arms and licking her face, before jumping back down and sniffing at the ground. After a few moments, Twenty Three raised its head and rushed off, only to stop after a minute or so and resume sniffing the ground. This process repeated itself several more times, until finally Twenty Three seemed to catch a clear scent of its quarry, which prompted it to go rushing off towards—

“The gym! Of course, Fluttershy must want to try and battle for her next badge. Why didn’t I think of that? I hope I’m not too late to cheer her on. Ooh, maybe I should come up with some cheers to help get her fired up. Let’s see, ‘Fluttershy, Fluttershy, she’s our…guy?’ No, that won’t work. What rhymes with Fluttershy? Spy, fly sky, cry…” Pinkie Pie walked into the Seelieburg Gym as she continued to list off words she could potentially use for her cheering, largely oblivious to her surroundings. There were, after all, precious few stimuli that could turn Pinkie Pie’s attention away from doing something to help one of her friends. One such stimuli, however, was the smell of freshly made donuts, and as Pinkie Pie made her way into the gym, she unconsciously took a hard right down a side hallway following said aroma, with a slightly confused Twenty Three trotting behind her.

*********

The Seelieburg Gym arena was easily the most ornate arena that Fluttershy had encountered yet, and even rivaled parts of Canterlot Castle for sheer ostentatiousness. The vaulted ceilings of the chamber were covered in gilt and frescos, and several ornate crystal chandeliers hung down illuminating the room. Rows of stone columns flanked the room on either side, behind which were mirrored walls that gave the impression of a room that stretched out to eternity. Even the platforms for the trainers were completely covered in gilded decorations.

“I really wish I knew how Titania managed to pay for all this,” Derek grumbled as Fluttershy took her spot. “There’s no way she was able to afford any of this with the funds she got from the league to set up this place.” Before Derek could start speculating, however, a recorded trumpet fanfare blared out as Titania was lowered down to the platform on the far side of the room from a hatch in the ceiling.

“You!” Titania called out as she pointed at Fluttershy. “You have chosen to issue a challenge to the honor of our fair court, the most glorious assemblage of summer. Prepare yourself, for our brave warriors shall not be defeated easily. For the first of your three opponents, we present Lady Mawile!” Titania proceeded to loss out a pink Poké Ball with an elaborate flourish, releasing a short, yellow humanoid creature that appeared to sport a massive dark gray ponytail nearly as big as the rest of its body. Despite its rather cute appearance, however, something about the creature didn’t sit right with Fluttershy, though she didn’t understand why until she took a closer look at the Mawile’s ‘hair’.

“Those – are those teeth?” Fluttershy yelped, as the Mawile shifted to reveal that it’s ‘ponytail’ was actually a massive set of jaws lined with short, conical teeth. “Alright, Fluttershy, calm down. Its just like everywhere else in nature. Just because a creature looks cute and harmless doesn’t mean it isn’t actually dangerous. Okay then, I’ll choose you, Quilava!” As Quilava took to the field and snarled at Mawile, the flames on its back flaring up as it did so, Fluttershy cast a wary look at Mawile’s jaws. “Um, Quilava, I think maybe you should try to keep your distance from Mawile, so try using your Ember attack.” Quilava grunted out an acknowledgement as it exhaled a massive stream of cinders straight towards Mawile, hitting dead on. Caught off guard, Mawile was left frantically waving its arms in front of its face in a futile effort to ward off Quilava’s attack.

“How barbaric! But, even if you put us to the torch, we shall persevere! Lady Mawile, assail that knave with your Vice Grip attack!”

“Put you to the…?” As Fluttershy tried to make sense of what Titania was saying, Mawile charged forth while swinging its jaws out in front of it. Quilava, not expecting such a fierce counterattack, wasn’t able to escape before Mawile’s jaws snapped down on it. “Quilava! Quick, get out of there! Um, use Flame Wheel!” Immediately, the flames on Quilava’s back erupted as it curled into a ball and began spinning around rapidly. Quilava’s sudden transformation from victim to fiery death ball took Mawile by complete surprise, causing it to reflexively release Quilava from its grip. Doing so only gave Quilava the opportunity to slam itself directly into Mawile’s face, sending it crashing to the ground unconscious.

“Lady Mawile! No!” Titania cried out as she fell to her knees. “You fought with honor and grace, but this cruel world was too harsh for one such as yourself. May the angels sing you sweet lullabies as you take your rest. Return.” Titania theatrically hung her head as she recalled her Mawile to its ball before rising back to her feet and staring daggers at Fluttershy. “Don’t believe for a moment that this defeat will break our resolve. Go, Sir Azumarill! Come forth and defend your kingdom’s honor!”

“Is she really going to be like this the whole time?” Fluttershy asked as she looked at Titania’s next Pokémon, a blue and white ovoid creature with long, rabbit-like ears. “More importantly, what is that?”

“It’s an Azumarill, you mostly see them in fast moving rivers,” Derek said. “I’d be careful, if I were you, Azumarill can be surprisingly strong.”

“And if it lives in rivers, then Quilava probably isn’t a good match for it. Quilava, return. Go Croagunk!” Fluttershy called out as she swapped out her Pokémon.

“I see, a new villain to threaten our kingdom. But we shall stand firm no matter what trials we must face. Sir Azumarill, go forth and Play Rough with this miscreant!” Azumarill promptly bounded over towards Croagunk and swiped at it with its tail. Croagunk, however, nimbly leapt back just in the nick of time, narrowly dodging Azumarill as it rushed by.

“I hate having to do this to something that looks like a bunny, but…Croagunk, use Poison Sting!” Grinning evily, Croagunk puffed out its throat before spitting a hail of violet needles directly at Azumarill. In panic, Azumarill threw its arms up to protect its face, allowing a number of the needles to lodge in its arms and midsection. The needles melted after a moment or two, but the ones that had struck Azumarill left large, bruise-colored blotches behind.

“Using envenomed weapons? I suppose I should have expected no less. However, we shall not allow such villainy shall to prevail! Sir Azumarill, Play Rough once again!” Despite looking decidedly unwell, Azumarill lunged forward at Croagunk, only to trip and tumble to the ground. Croagunk burst into laughter as Azumarill pratfalled in front of it, but its laughter soon became a cry of alarm as Azumarill’s tail wrapped itself around one of Croagunk’s arms. Before Croagunk had a chance to free itself, Azumarill flipped itself upright while yanking Croagunk to the ground. The moment Croagunk hit the ground, Azumarill followed up by elbow dropping down onto Croagunk’s back. Azumarill repeated this maneuver several more times before Croagunk was able to pull itself free and roll clear of Azumarill’s assault.

“Oh no, Croagunk, are you alright?” Fluttershy cried out, receiving a grunting croak in response as Croagunk pulled itself back to its feet. “I was really hoping to save this until the end, but I don’t think I’m goint to have much choice.” Despite Fluttershy’s grumblings, she wore a fierce look of determination on her face as she thrust out both her arms before striking a pose. “Croagunk! Use Acid Downpour!” Despite having been battered by Azumarill’s attack, Croagunk launched itself into the air as Fluttershy’s energy flowed into it. Grinning wildly, Croagunk inhaled and spat out another volley of violet needles, this time producing enough to practically coat the entire floor of the arena. The needles swiftly liquified and ran together, turning the arena into a bubbling morass. Azumarill quickly began sinking into the newly formed acidic swamp, struggling frantically as the toxic muck threatened to engulf it entirely. Despite Azumarill’s best efforts, however, it soon disappeared from view, a patch of bubbles the only sign of where it had stood. The morass receded moments later, leaving an unconscious Azumarill lying in the middle of the arena in its wake.

“Sir Azumarill!” Titania wailed. “For you to be laid low by such treacherous cruelty, darkness has truly fallen over our fair lands.”

“For crying out loud, would you give it a rest already?” Derek finally called out. “If you don’t cool it with the dinner theatre performance, I’m going to start quoting Monty Arbok.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Titania exclaimed as she recoiled in horror, to which Derek said nothing, but grinned evilly. “You’d absolutely dare. Very well, I shall conduct the final part of this challenge in the more traditional manner. Spoilsport.”

“Thank you,” Fluttershy whispered, grateful to be done with Titania’s histrionics, as she recalled her battered Croagunk.

“Don’t mention it,” Derek replied. “And don’t let your guard down, either. Overacting aside, Titania’s no slouch when it comes to Pokémon battling.” As if to punctuate Derek’s warning, Titania straightened herself up as she sent out her final Pokémon.

“Go Kirlia!”

*********

“Mmmmm, fresh donuts are just the best, aren’t they, Twenty Three?” Twenty Three let out a bark of agreement as it nosed through the wreckage of the ransacked dessert cart for any treats Pinkie may have missed. “Now, I just need to remember what it was we came here for in the – huh, did you hear that?” Pinkie said as several loud bangs reverberated through the hallways of the castle. Bursting into action, Pinkie Pie bounced up to her feet before racing down the halls until she reached the apparent source of the commotion. Pinkie Pie found herself standing at one end of a wide hall that terminated in a massive vault door, the sort one would normally expect to find in a bank. Somehow, something had managed to pull this particular door off its hinges, which looked partly melted, and the racket Pinkie Pie had heard had been caused by the door crashing to the ground. Inside the vault itself, Pinkie could see two familiar figures gleefully grabbing handfuls of jewelry and other valuables and stuffing them into burlap sacks.

“Dude, this is the best score we’ve every had!” Femur cheered as he emptied an ornate jewelry box into his bag.

“I know, right? And the best part is we’ll be gone before that loser gym leader even figures out we were here. There is nothin’ that could stop us now!”

“You mean ‘almost nothing’, because Pinkie’s here to stop you meanies from robbing this castle!” The two grunts nearly jumped into the air in surprise as they looked up to see Pinkie Pie and Twenty Three standing in the vault’s doorway.

“Aw, come on! We came up with this whole thing specifically so we wouldn’t have to deal with you dweebs!” Femur cried out before he seemed to notice something. “Hey, hold on a second. Where are the other two dorks that you’re always hanging out with?”

“Fluttershy’s having her gym battle right now, and Derek’s probably with her. But me and Twenty Three here are plenty tough enough to deal with the likes of you two.” Despite Pinkie Pie’s confidence, however, neither Femur nor Ribcage appeared particularly intimidated.

“We were hopin’ this would be a nice, easy score. But, a two-on-one fight seems pretty good to me. Beat downs are always better when we’re the ones with numbers on our side,” Ribcage said with an evil smirk.

“Yeah, and I know how we can make it even better,” Femur added. “Weepinbell, nail these fools with your Sleep Powder!”

“Uh oh, Twenty Three, quick, use Fire Fang!” Needing no further encouragement, Twenty Three leapt into action and charged forward, narrowly dodging a blast of green dust that Weepinbell spat out before biting down onto it with flaming jaws. With Weepinbell firmly in its grip, Twenty Three shook its head several times and then unceremoniously dropped the unconscious Grass-type to the ground. “Good boy, Twenny Three, now return. Go Lombre!” Both the grunts and Twenty Three looked confused as Pinkie Pie swapped out her Pokémon while swaying unsteadily on her feet.

“Yo, I think there’s somethin’ up with her,” Ribcage said.

“I’m—” Pinkie Pie let out a loud yawn before groggily continuing. “—fine. That green stuff your Weepinbell blew on me didn’t do anything. And now, Lombre and I are gonna…gonna….something.” Despite her wobbling, Pinkie managed to thrust out her arms as her Z-ring began glowing brightly. “This is gonna stop you meanie-mean…pantses…” Pinkie briefly nodded off before snapping back awake. “Gonna stop you good!”

*********

“Oh dear,” Fluttershy said as Titania’s Kirlia stared down her Quilava. “I’m not sure I can really do this. It just looks so much like my own little Kirlia, I don’t know if I can have Quilava attack it.”

“Are you starting to lose your nerve after all? We can’t blame you, Lady Kirlia is an exceptional warrior, after all. There’s no shame in surrendering, and in our grace, we may even forgive your transgressions against our court if you do,” Titania said. Her statement was followed by a bout of high-pitched laughter from Titania’s Kirlia, but something that Kirlia added made Fluttershy abruptly stiffen up.

“What. Did you just say. About my Kirlia?” Fluttershy said as she glared furiously at Titania’s Kirlia, who seemed particularly alarmed at her sudden change of demeanor.

“Wait, I’m sorry, but I’m a bit confused here. I don’t recall saying anything about your Kirlia,” Titania said.

“Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything, but Fluttershy here can understand Pokémon,” Derek said. “And, it sounds like your Kirlia is about to learn a painful lesson about assuming people can’t understand it when it talks.”

“Quilava! Flame Wheel!” Fluttershy yelled. Quilava eagerly complied, throwing itself into a forward somersault as the flames on its back flared up. The spinning circle of fire Quilava became slammed into and over Kirlia, who was only just able to maintain its footing, Quilava rolling past several feet before finally uncurling.

“Don’t give up, Kirlia, we haven’t been defeated yet!” Titania called out. “The time has come to demonstrate our ultimate attack; Twinkle Tackle!” Even as Titania spoke, her Z-ring was shining with power as she struck the poses to activate her attack, Kirlia mimicking her actions. At first, Fluttershy didn’t know what to think, especially when the final, leg-popped pose of the attack came off as far more cute than intimidating. The moment Kirlia matched the final pose, however, it unleashed a massive cloud that swiftly engulfed the entire room, seemingly turning it into a sparkling, star-filled void. As Quilava looked around in confusion, Kirlia seized on its disorientation, launching itself at Quilava in a spinning pirouette while one of its legs took on a bright pink glow. Before Quilava could properly react, Kirlia lashed out with a kick with its glowing leg, unleashing a massive blast of pink energy that sent Quilava flying backwards. “You see?” Titania crowed. “The power that Lady Kirlia and I wield together—” Before Titania could even finish her sentence Quilava had already risen back to its feet, looking batter but still plenty able to fight. “—did far less than I was hoping it would.”

“Quilava,” Fluttershy began as Quilava regarded its opponent with a wicked grin. “Flame Wheel.” As Quilava shot forward in another attack, Kirlia tried to turn and run, only to be flattened as Quilava crashed into its back and mercilessly rolled over it.

“Alas, it seems even Lady Kirlia has fallen before you. We have no choice but to recognize our failure to defend against the onslaught of—” Titania glance over towards Derek, who had a distinctly annoyed expression on his face, before clearing her throat. “In any event, as gym leader, I hereby acknowledge you as the victor of this battle and shall present you with the Seelie Badge and a piece of Fairium—” At that exact moment, the entire castle shook as though a massive explosion had gone off in the lower halls.

*********

Upon reaching the lower levels of the castle, the group found that something had flooded the hallways, leaving the tiles under an inch or so of water.

“What in Equestria happened down here?” Fluttershy asked as she surveyed the wreckage.

“I don’t know, but I think whatever it was severed a water line. Either that, or somebody thought it would bee a good idea to turn a Water-type Pokémon loose in close-quarters,” Derek said. “What exactly is down here, anyway?”

“Oh, just some storerooms, the kitchens…oh, and the vault where we keep the crown jewels, of course. Wait, why are you both looking at me like that?” Titania asked as she received exasperated looks from both Derek and Fluttershy.

“Just show us where the vault is,” Derek said, trying to keep his voice as level as possible. Titania nodded her head and led the group through the halls until they reached the stretch leading into the castle vault, which they immediately could see had been the epicenter of whatever had happened. The door to the vault was nowhere to be seen, though the damage to the walls and floor of the hallway and the massive hole in the castle’s outer wall suggested it had exited the castle in a rather spectacular fashion. The vault itself appeared to have been thoroughly ransacked, with what was left of its contents scattered across its floor. And, lying fast asleep on a pile of rubble at the vault’s entrance, was Pinkie Pie, her Lombre sitting next to her and occasionally prodding her shoulder in a half-hearted effort to wake her up.

“What…why is she…how?” Derek sputtered. Fluttershy, meanwhile, was already making her way over to Lombre. A few minutes of questioning later, and Fluttershy turned to the others with a somewhat puzzled look on her face. “So, were you able to get any answers?”

“I think so,” Fluttershy said. “It sounds as though Pinkie Pie wandered into the gym looking for us, but she got lost and ran into someone robbing the vault.”

“Femur and Ribcage?” Derek asked, to which Fluttershy nodded.

“Oh, what wonderfully evocative names!” Titania exclaimed with giddy enthusiasm.

“…No, no, one migraine at a time. Anyway, how did Pinkie Pie fighting those two turn into this?” Derek asked as he gestured towards the ruined hallway. Fluttershy turned back to Lombre to relay the question.

“Lombre isn’t really sure, but it thinks Pinkie might have breathed in some of Weepinbell’s Sleep Powder. She was acting little strange when she brought it out, and after she – wait, Pinkie Pie had you do what?”

“Let me guess, she used Hydro Vortex and then passed out,” Derek said, already suspecting the answer. “Well, I can check my bags, I should have some Lum Berry juice we can give Pinkie to wake her up. In the meantime, we should also try and figure out what the grunts actually got away with. I am not looking forward to seeing what the cost is for everything that got stolen.”

“Oh, I doubt that will be an issue at all, it isn’t as though we kept anything particularly valuable in there,” Titania said cheerfully.

“But, didn’t you say that the vault was where you kept your crown jewels?” Fluttershy asked.

“Costume jewelry and props, my dear, nothing that can’t be easily replaced.”

“If that’s the case, they why do you keep all of them in a giant vault like that?” An increasingly perplexed Fluttershy asked.

“Why, for the drama potential of a robbery, of course! Can you just imagine it, the shadowy, mysterious thief lurking through the shadows towards our vault. What dark secrets lurk in his past that drove him to such deeds? Ooh, and to think we’d get a pair with dangerous names like ‘Femur’ and ‘Ribcage’! I bet they’re the dangerous, sinister, brooding types, aren’t they? You must tell me all about them?”

Derek shared an uneasy glance with Fluttershy before replying. “I think you might want to prepare yourself for some disappointment there.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

At this rate, Pinkie is going to try holding a Pummel Party, until she remembers she can only use Pokemon.

Monty Arbok was invoked. Pinkie is now permitted to use Bruxfish Slap Dance.

[raven618]

As punishment for flooding the gym, Pinkie must cut down the tallest tree in the forest. With... a herring!

[readsponies]

They made Pinkie sleep while robbin' this castle

Team Skull took the money and run