"So...why are you...here?" Cadence uneasily asked Princess Twilight. The mixed group of students and teachers had stopped their crying, although their eyes were still tired and red, and their expressions utterly exhausted. Shining was taken by Vice Principal Luna to the nurse's office to lie down. Luna returned looking equally miserable, frustrated at being unable to offer the forlorn man any more comfort.
"Well," Princess Twilight said in a solemn tone, "I'm here because...well...when Sunset told me what...happened," she glanced over at the Shadowbolts, who were hanging their heads in utter shame, "I came over because we're trying to...figure out why the magic...did what it did."
"Really?" Princess Cadence said, a measure of hope growing in her voice. "Can you figure out what happened to my...sister?"
"Well," Princess Twilight said, flicking her hair nervously. "I can...but...I don't have time." Cadence looked down. "I wish I could, but I have a kingdom to run and I need to be there in case anything goes wrong. In fact, I have to leave...tonight," she sighed. "I'm here trying to help Sunset figure things out while I have time." Cadence looked toward Sunset with pleading eyes.
"How close have you come to...an answer since last Sunday," Cadence said. Sunset looked down with unease.
"Well," Sunset said uneasily. "I've managed to recreate another prototype of a pendant. But I still haven't discovered the full properties of magic. Twilight took...quite a lot of notes."
"How soon do you think it will take to get an answer," Principal Luna asked.
"I don't know," Sunset said miserably. "Six months. Maybe...a year." Sunset grit her teeth.
"What's wrong Sunset?" Fluttershy asked Sunset. The Rainbooms, the two Principals, the Princess, and the Shadowbolts all looked at Sunset with concern.
"Well," Sunset said with a quivering lip. She let out a melancholic sigh. "I'm...I'm scared."
"Darling," Rarity asked, concern in her voice. "What are you scared about?"
"Well," Sunset said with fear. "First Twilight was blown up....then Pinkie Pie caused that twister-thing...and now those girls showed up..." she bite her lip. "So many accidents have happened since magic ended up here-" A small tear fell down her face. Twilight saw this and went to give her friend a hug. "I'm afraid something else might happen tomorrow and I won't be able to save someone," more tears flowed down Sunset's eyes.
"Sunset," Twilight said in a soothing tone. "You can't worry about that."
"And if that happens, the public will start to know about magic," Sunset said, shaking in fear. "And if they start learning about it, and I still don't know how it works...they'll think its terrible, or they'll use it to do terrible things." Sunset looked at the ground in shame. Vice Principal Luna walked up to the fire-haired girl and rubbed her head to calm her down and reassure her.
The Shadowbolts looked at the fearful girl with a mixture of guilt and sympathy. They started giving each other sharp looks, silently communicating an idea. The group of five decided to approach the Wondercolts.
"Hey," Indigo said awkwardly. The Wondercolts saw them approaching and gave them less-then-happy looks. The rainbow-haired girl gave them an especially sharp glare.
"What do you idiots want?", she asked them gruffly. The five flinched at the question.
"Well, come on, spit it out," the Stetson-wearing girl said unkindly.
"Well," Sunny Flare said awkwardly. "You said you had lots of notes to go through," she said to Sunset, whose fear dried up at the Shadowbolts' approach. She just gave them a cold, silent look. "Well, um, what if we agreed to be your...lab assistants." The fire-haired girl's face twisted into an angry snarl and she approached them with balled fists.
"Absolutely not!" She barked, startling everyone else. "You want to help! Leave and never come back!" The Shadowbolts were startled by Sunset's fury.
"Sunset," Fluttershy said, admonishing the amber-skinned girl in her soft voice. "Aren't you being a little mean?"
"These idiots blew up their own teammate for a stupid trophy!" Sunset yelled back, scaring Fluttershy. "They're probably too moronic to open a jar." The Shadowbolts flinched at that insult, deeply hurt by Sunset's remarks.
"Look we know what we did was wrong," Sugarcoat said, almost on the verge of tears. "We just want a chance to make things right." Before Sunset could make another furious reply, Luna and Twilight approached Sunset with stern eyes.
"Sunset, can I speak to you in private?" Luna asked firmly.
"I'd also like to talk to you to," Twilight said.
"Luna, Twilight, I know what you want me to do," Sunset threw back. "And the answer is no! I don't want anything to do with those idiots!" Sunset was about to turn away, but Twilight got in front of her, crossing her arms and glaring knives.
"OK Sunny," Twilight said in a casual, but icy voice. "I'll bring in some royal guards, they'll drag your flank back to Tartarus, and we can talk there." Sunset's fury was replaced with a chill that went down her spine. Sunset suddenly remembered that she wasn't dealing with her dorky friend, Twilight Sparkle. She was dealing with a magically skilled alicorn princess that had vanquished countless foes, including her. Twilight almost never threatened to dump anyone in Tartarus, despite having the power to make the lives of others quite difficult. When a princess made that threat, you really needed to shut up.
"OK Twilight," Sunset said fearfully, feeling cold sweat run down her forehead..
"Good," Twilight said, her cold anger fading but not vanishing. "This way," she said, gesturing to the statue. Luna, Princess Twilight, and Cadence all went behind the statue. Sunset followed them, feeling like a scolded toddler.
"Now please tell me, calmly, why is it you don't think those girls deserve a second chance," Principal Luna said sternly to Sunset.
"Well...it is because of them that Twilight got blown up," Sunset said uneasily.
"Sunset, I'm not exactly happy with them either," Twilight said. "But they want to make it right."
"They messed with magic they didn't understand just to win a stupid game," Sunset replied.
"Oh I see," Twilight said sternly. "They messed with magic they didn't understand, they only cared about themselves," she got into Sunset's face. "Then they turned into a demon, brainwashed a bunch of kids, blew up a chunk of the school, and tried to kill me and my friends." Sunset felt her heart go into her throat.
"If this is how you're going to behave," Luna said in a disappointed tone,"maybe I should have called you a lost cause and kicked you out of my school. Since you are treating those five the same way." Sunset's jaw dropped in horror at Luna's remarks.
"Yeah, and that guard you knocked out said that you should rot in a dungeon for the rest of your life." Twilight said angrily, making Sunset shake even more. "Maybe I should've taken his advice." The words hit Sunset like they were bullets and she looked down.
"Apparently, only Sunset Shimmer deserves a second chance," Cadence said, also looking at Sunset with a humorless expression, "because she is so special, right?" Sunset looked deeply ashamed with herself and let out a sigh.
The Shadowbolts stood around, anxiously waiting for the group of four to return from their private talk. Feeling nervous, they turned toward the Rainbooms. The farmer girl and the blue-skinned athlete silently turned away from them with barely masked disgust. The yellow-skinned girl quivered in fear at them and also looked away. Rarity, biting her lip, approached the Crystal Prep students.
"What exactly are you five... doing here anyways?" Rarity asked them sternly. While she was polite, Sugarcoat could see that the purple-haired girl wished that the Crystal Prep students were somewhere else.
"Well," Sour said awkwardly. "We saw pictures of...the other Twilight posted on MyStable. So we...thought...our Twilight was alive and that you guys were playing a hoax on us." Rarity's eyes narrowed in annoyance.
"Who posted those pictures?" Rarity asked.
"Some blue-haired guy named Flash," Sour said. Rarity mouthed the words ,'what', and ran her palm on her face.
"Lord," Rarity said in an annoyed tone. She removed her hand from her face. "Flash posted pictures of Twilight online?" Rarity asked again with disbelief.
"Yes," Sugarcoat said. "And then we...had a friend of ours use a drone to get proof."
"You were spying on us?" Rarity asked angrily, putting her hands on her hips.
"Well," Sunny said uneasily. ,"we thought a hoax was being played on us." Just before Rarity could respond, the group of four broke from their conversation and approached the Shadowbolts.
"Princess...Twilight," Cadence said uneasily to the Shadowbolts. "Wants to have a talk with you five in the vice-principal's office." The Shadowbolts looked at the other Twilight, who was giving them a stern look. It made the Shadowbolts feel like on edge.
It wasn't the look that was making them nervous. It was the face that was giving them the look. This Twilight looked almost exactly the same as the old Twilight. Same face, same color, same eyes, and same hair. Yet, instead of the annoying and awkward demeanor the Shadowbolts were familiar with, this Twilight had a stern look that carried with it some kind of power and authority that was impossible to imagine the girl they knew carrying. Those eyes looked like dark amethyst chips that stared into their very souls. They saw how Twilight was able to calm that fuming girl who hated them with little more then an idle threat, and believed that she could do a lot worse.
Nervously, they followed Principal Luna, who escorted them to her office and told them to wait. The five girls sat silently for five minutes, waiting for the Princess version of Twilight to show up. The door opened and the lavender-skinned girl walked in. She silently sat down at vice-principal's desk and looked at the Shadowbolts with a stern expression and setting that made it seem like their own Twilight had become their very strict principal.
"So, you're really...a princess?," Sour Sweet asked nervously.
"Yes," Princess Twilight said firmly. Sour Sweet got down on her knees.
"I'm so sorry your Majesty!" Sour said fearfully. "I'm sorry I attacked you! Please don't send us to that Tatar...sauce place you were talking about!" The Shadowbolts didn't say anything, but looked annoyed and disgusted with Sour's stunt.
"Please get up and be quiet," Princess Twilight, rubbing her palm along her forehead in frustration. Sour Sweet got up off the ground and returned to her couch in an embarrassed fluster.
"You five are not going to be sent to a dungeon or Tartarus," Princess Twilight said in a reassuring tone. "Only the worst criminals and malcontents get that kind of fate." The Shadowbolts relaxed slightly at that. "However," Twilight said with a cold hiss that made the Shadowbolts tremble, "if you five had been at a magic school, and you pulled this...stunt, you all would've been in very serious trouble. Even if the Twilight you knew had made it out OK." She paused to give them a glare, which made them hang their heads.
"In my world, the most powerful forces are the Magic of Friendship and the Elements of Harmony," Twilight said. The phrase "Magic of Friendship" and "Elements of Harmony" would normally sound lame and childish to the Shadowbolts, but the conviction she said it with made them sink into their chairs in shame. "They are what keep pony society functioning as it should. One Element of Harmony is...loyalty. And your actions are...anything but loyalty" Princess Twilight let out another deep breath. "Your Twilight was your teammate, and your first priority should've been her health, safety, and well-being." She paused, looking at the desk for a minute. "Instead, you tried to make her cheat and you willingly endangered her life." Princess Twilight took another small breath. "The only thing you five cared about was your own personal gain and glory. Getting that trophy mattered more then the living breathing being you were supposed to care for." The Shadowbolts looked on the verge of tears.
"Now, I understand that this Cinch gave you guys the idea, because she said it would help you win. To an extent, you were following orders. But...following orders is enablement. You should've stood up for your teammate, especially went you guys already saw magic go out of control. But instead of standing up for her, you bullied and threatened her for nothing but your own ego." The five students felt tears form around their eyes.
"Not only did you kill the girl you were supposed to be defending, a girl who had an incredible future ahead of her, you helped destroy a family." Princess Twilight's calm faded as she narrowed her eyes. "Mr. Armor is a person who already lost his parents. You've caused him even more...pain. You also hurt that girl's other living relatives." The five were biting their lips, trying to control their quivering. "You also endangered students from two separate schools. That magic could have hurt or killed your classmates and the students of Canterlot High had things gone differently. You also nearly exposed the existence of magic to the public when my government wasn't prepared to deal with other foreign governments." Princess Twilight rose form her chair and angrily slammed her fists on the desk. "In short, your actions we're grotesque, reprehensible, and INEXCUSABLE!" The five Shadowbolts jumped in terror. Princess Twilight took some deep breaths and calmed down.
"Also, Principal Cadence, the sister-in-law of the girl you killed, told me some things about you," Princess Twilight said, coming around the desk to look at the five girls.
"What did she tell you?", Sugarcoat uneasily asked the lavender-skinned Princess.
"She told me...about how you five were willing to testify against your Principal," Twilight said, the edge from her voice draining away. "She told me about how you...made a presentation about your Twilight to show everyone how wonderful she really was." The Shadowbolts looked up in confusion at the Princess, her angry face replaced by...something that was more approachable. "You also reached out to a lonely girl who was new and gave her friendship and belonging." Her face twisted into something that resembled joy. "You also saved this girl from a severe humiliation and helped her make new friends in the process." A proud smile formed on Princess Twilight's face. "Despite the mistakes you made, you five have proven that you want to change for the better." The Shadowbolts looked up at Princess Twilight with confusion. "You've earned the right to atone by helping Sunset figure out how the magic works."
"But, but, but," Sugarcoat said, stammering. "We..."
"Anybody can make a mistake," Princess Twilight said, her hostility replaced by pure compassion. "You guys have tried to make it right. That means I can give you guys a second chance and call you my...friends." Sugarcoat lost all composure and began crying her eyes out. The other Shadowbolts also began crying too. Princess Twilight walked up to them and gave each of them a warm hug and an assurance that they were on the right track. Once they stopped crying, they heard a knock at the door. The Shadowbolts looked and saw Sunset through the glass.
"Sunset is going to talk to you guys about the rules," Princess Twilight said, the firmness in her voice returning. "I am going repeat this once: you will do whatever she tells you to do. I simply don't have time to drop whatever it is I'm doing to save the day for you. If you cause another mishap, even by accident..."
"We're out," Sugarcoat finished. Princess Twilight gave her a stern nod. She started to walk away.
"Now if you need me," Princess Twilight said with deep annoyance, "I have to go deal with an idiot boy." She walked out of the room. Sunset walked in and sat down at the desk. The Shadowbolts looked at the girl with shock. Instead of looking like a furious devil, the amber-skinned girl looked very contrite and guilty.
"Look," Sunset said uneasily. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier." The Shadowbolts were confused.
"Why are you apologizing?" Sour Sweet asked with disbelief. "We're the ones who-,"
"Look," Sunset said. "I'm not saying what you guys did was OK. And I am still a little mad at you. But you're far from the only ones who've...acted stupid and selfish." She looked down at the table and looked up at them. "And believe me, I...was lot more awful then guys ever were." The Shadowbolts looked at Sunset with disbelief. "And the truth is...what happened to Twilight was kind of my fault."
"How was it your fault?" Sugarcoat said in a perplexed tone, as if the very idea violated the laws of physics.
"The reason why magic exists in your world is...because of me." Sunset said. "I am from the magical pony world that Princess Twilight comes from." Sunset shook her head. "And believe me, when I came to your world, I wasn't coming here in peace."
"What did you do?"
"I am not going to go into details," Sunset said, looking at her hand. "I brought magic to this world and didn't care about what would happen except for getting what I wanted." She looked up at them. "And I did something...awful." Sunset narrowed her eyes. "Something so awful, that Princess Twilight had every right to lock me in a dungeon." She looked at them empathetically. "But Princess Twilight not only forgave me, but she told others to give me another chance. That's why I'm giving you another chance.
"Anyways, by time she got back, magic was already brought to this world by me. And when the magic started to act up, I expected Princess Twilight to...do all my work for me." Sunset looked down in shame. "What you guys did was messed up... but if I had done my job, your Twilight would still be here. It was wrong for me do blow up at you, when I am also partly to blame."
"Don't apologize," Indigo said with a sigh. "You did the least to cause this...fiasco. At least you didn't blow someone up over a stupid trophy." Sunset rolled her eyes.
"Also," Sunset said. "Before the flag game...I said...mean things to Twilight too," Sunset said. The Shadowbolts looked depressed. "I was angry at her for messing up with magic, but I went too far and she cried and run away." Sunset ran her palm along her face in frustration. "The truth is, I was upset at you because I couldn't tell her I'm sorry. But that wasn't your fault that I made her cry. It was...mine, and I shouldn't have taken that out on you." Sunset looked at the table in shame. "Truth is, I was the bigger moron, expecting someone else to solve my problems for me." Sunset let out a joyless laugh.
"I'm sorry that we made it so your last words with her were something nasty," Sunny Flare said with deep regret in her voice. "At least your last words weren't....manipulating her for personal gain."
"Again, I'm trying to look past that," Sunset said in solemn. "And the other reason I got mad is...that I really, really don't want another accident to occur. My friend Pinkie caused that tornado thing went she accidentally broke one of the magic stuff I built." She gave the Shadowbolts a serious look. "You guys need to understand that the magic here is on a hair-trigger. I don't know how it works and it is too late for me to get rid off , even if I closed the portal." Sunset took a deep breath. "I can't afford another accident. The more mishaps that occur, the less time I'll have to find an answer before more people start getting wise." She took another deep breath. "I'm willing to give you the chance that Princess Twilight gave me. But understand this: one more accident, and you're off the team. And it is not because I'm angry, it is because I am on thin ice and I don't want someone else to end up like Twilight. Do you guys understand?" Sunset asked them firmly. The Shadowbolts nodded.
"Can I ask a question?" Sugarcoat asked. Sunset nodded. "What is...magic and what is it like?"
"Well," Sunset said. "Us ponies see it as some kind of invisible energy that we can harness for our own ends." Sunset tapped her chin. "How do I explain it. In Twilight's notes, she described it as some kind of...electromagnetic radiation?"
"Electro-what?" Indigo asked. The other Shadowbolts were also confused.
"You know? Radio waves, x-rays-,"
"Wait," Sunny said, her eyes narrowing. "Did you say...radio waves?"
"Yeah," Sunset said, cocking her head. "Why?" A small smile formed on Sunny's face. She looked at her friends, who returned the same smile as the same idea was brewing in their brains.
"There's someone we know who is... quite familiar with radio waves," Sunny said happily.
Great update! Keep going!
And as much as I despise saying it, Twilight is right.....
Yeesh, hate to be in his shoes, but Flash deserved a major scolding for doing something that was so idoitic.
Anyway, it was another great chapter! Princess Twilight may be harsh with Sunset, but she is right. If Sunset was given another chance, why not the Shadowbolts?
Of course, while they're now working together with Sunset and the Rainbooms, that doesn't mean that they're instantly friends.
I can only wonder how Juniper would react to all this.
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Thank you.
I think the issue is that Sunset has been a good guy for far longer then she has been a bad guy. She had the most sympathetic redemption of any former antagonist in MLP. Thus we take it for granted that she was a terrible, terrible person for much of her life.
A lot of fanfic writers seemingly forget this fact, treating Bacon Horse as an innocent "smol bean" or "best waifu".
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To be fair to Flash, he's a naïve teenager who grew up in the digital age. Discrepancy and keeping secrets wouldn't exactly be his strong suit. Also, he loved being able to have dinner with his favorite horse girl. But yeah, Twilight isn't going to be...subtle.
That's the specific problem I have with a lot of Accusation Fics: they exaggerate the flaws of the accused, and make the accuser into completely innocent saints, becoming unhinged Revenge Fics. As I've said above, too many fanfic writers seem to gloss over Sunset's horrible past.
This story was an attempt to write a more nuanced version of an Accusation Fic.
What really pissed me off about the Friendship Games (aside from them cutting out the subplot of Sunset missing Equestria) was how the Shadowbolts and Crystal Prep weren't properly held to account for their mean-spirited and selfish actions. Nor were they condemned for bullying Twilight and treating her like an outcast.
But while their actions made me mad, I really didn't want to write a revenge fic like some people wanted to do. I feel that it isn't just lazy writing, it also isn't the spirit of a show that celebrates friendship and kindness.
While the actions of Cinch and Shadowbolts were awful, I also wanted to portray them as flawed people who screwed up and need to answer for their actions, but who don't deserve an endless barrage of punishment and humiliation.
I feel a story about redemption and making amends in more a spirit of MLP then pages of petty revenge porn.
That was pretty much what I was trying to get across: Princess Twilight is given them a chance after hearing about their redeeming actions, but also warning them that they have a steep mountain to climb. Sunset acknowledges both that she wasn't much better then the Shadowbolts and accepts her anger toward them was a little bit selfish, but she is still reluctant to let them near magic.
Rarity is trying to polite out of principal, but she still can't hide her disgust with them. Fluttershy is still upset about what happened but she also feels Sunset's anger isn't fair. Rainbow Dash and Applejack are a pair of tough and stubborn girls who hate the Shadowbolts for their snobbishness and their lack of concern for their own teammate. Pinkie Pie would be more forgiving, but Sunset is giving her a time out for her own stupidity.
Again, I feel the Shadowbolts were in the wrong and have a tough mountain to climb. But I hope I've made them sympathetic enough for you to route for them.
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That's for next chapter.
And I'm pretty sure the most terrible thing that some will do with magic is use it to; you guessed it, take over the world.
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While understandable, that is very typical of the Ashleigh pair.
It's interesting to me that you have Twilight, Luna, and Cadence all flat out ignore what Sunset says. While Twilight and Cadence are using circumlocutory casuistry, Luna just flat out lies:
Sunset's point, clearly stated and with no ambiguity, is:
She makes the point multiple times. She doesn't want the Shadowbolts involved because they do terrible things for no real reason.
There's a difference between the type of person who's willing to put lives in danger to change the fates of nations and the type of person who's willing to lives in danger to, say, cheat a soccer. The first type of person can be trusted when the fates of nations aren't involved. The second type of person can't be trusted ever. Not really.
That's not the same as saying the Shadowbolts can't ever be trusted. What sort of person someone is changes over the course of their lives (whether they want it to or not.) It takes time, when done on purpose it takes effort, and it never comes down to a single highly emotional event,* but it's definitely a thing that happens. They can definitely become the kind of person you can trust.
Sunset's point, though, is well made. Twilight, Luna, and Cadence are suggesting that they give the Shadowbolts cutting edge scientific research that's far beyond what any government in the area has on the matter when they know (from lethal experience) that the Shadowbolts are the sort of people who will misuse that research without needing much of a reason. They already misused it to win a game that no one outside of two high schools cared very much about it. They knew it was potentially lethal at the time because they'd already seen it nearly kill people. (See the plants in the relay.)
They'll do it without needing much of a reason, but now they have a ton of reason. The pendant wasn't something they could do much with (especially since they weren't willing to use it themselves and instead pushed all of the danger onto Sci-Twi.) Research on the pendant, though, is something they can do all sorts of things with. If they understand what they're reading, they can probably set themselves up with a Nobel Prize, or the Equestria Girls universe equivalent. (If any of them are younger than 17 years old, they also take the record for youngest winner, assuming that the record is the same in universe as in real life.)
More likely, and more easily, they just sell it for money or trade it for power. Putting it in the wrong hands is enough to leave them set for life, after all. Electromagnetic radiation is no big deal. Visible light is electromagnetic radiation, after all. An entirely new, as yet undiscovered, type of radiation, though, that's world changing. Showing up on a government's doorstep with the schematics for a fully functional nuclear bomb in, say, 1940, would be a significantly smaller deal. That was just playing with stuff already well studied and known, after all.
I could go on at great length about this, but I think that belabors the point. The key takeaway is the difference in the situation.
The original point was, "We know for a fact that they're the sort of person who will misuse it for negligible gain, I'm not giving it to them when misusing it would yield gain so large as to be incalculable."
Twilight, Luna, and Cadence came back with, "But once upon a time you would misuse it for world changing gain, and in response you weren't locked up. True, you weren't given the opportunity to go near magic after that until circumstances outside our control forced it upon you, at which point you saved the day, but you weren't locked up. Since you aren't asking us to lock up the Shadowbolts, doesn't that make you a hypocrite?"
Though, I suppose, technically, Twilight is actually saying, "Capitulate or I'll hurt you," and Luna is saying the same, while Cadence doesn't have a firm read on the situation. With the exception of Twilight's comment about the guard, though, that's a matter of connotation rather than denotation.
In situations like this, I'm more than willing to take people at their words, so that's what I've done for this comment.
-
* Patterns and habits of behavior and thought are strongly ingrained, which means no matter how life changing something is, there's always going to backsliding. What determines the sort of person someone will become after a life changing experiences is how they respond to that backsliding.
I'm not sure I agree with Twilight here. The biggest problem with the Shadowbolts is their reason for the use of magic.
When SciTwi became Midnight Sparkle, there is a connection there: Sunset knew what she had to do, because she was in that same position. Plus, neither of them were exactly in control when they became dark, so throwing the "you tried to kill us" thing doesn't hold water. Sunset was reckless/arrogant in what she thought she deserved and miscalculated.
The Shadowbolts... I mean, maybe she can relate to them in that that she was a bully for control of the school (and later use the crown to prove herself to Celestia), but The Shadowbolts wants are just petty jerks who wanted to use a strange unknown energy just to win a trophy.
Also, having them help her could be more of a hindrance: one person who knows what they're doing vs one person who knows what they are doing needing to split up their time to tell them what to do and having to watch them to make sure they don't screw up something.
Sorry, just wanted to get that off my chest.
Just passing through as I am not really caught up on this story, but a tip to help the story flow a bit smoother. Try not to start too many lines with the same word. Once it gets noticed they stand out like a sore thumb and can be distracting. You use the word "well" 15 time in this chapter and 13 of those are at the start of dialogue. Here is an example of how it can be a little jarring to read:
It's one of the bad habits that authors can develop, but one of the easier ones to get rid of.
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Thanks for the advice.
Aside from my word overuse, was everything else in the chapter good?
Ok i want to say that I still love this fic but every time I read this I expect twilight to say “look I don’t like bringing back the past but you are being a hypocrite abaut this beacuse you were as bad if not worst”
This part I’m not a fan too beacuse it fell like somthing was missing, something like this could’ve follow “but I didn’t beacuse celestia thought that you deserve a second chance ,so why don’t they? Because ti me they deserve the same chance you where given”
This wan I fell like is unnecessary and mean.
Again this part was the only thing that I didn’t like about this fic the rest is fantastic, this comment was made because I think this part could have Ben 100 times better.
I still will enjoy this fic and I will still see all the new chapters when they come out, this part was the only thing I didn’t like about the hole story
Sorry for bad inglish
(And the rant)
"Really?" Principal Cadence said,*
want?" she asked them gruffly.*
uneasily. "We*
at the vice principal's desk*
princess?" Sour*
Talk about embarrassing.
especially when you guys*
This is a side of the princess I'd hate to encounter with.
you?" Sugarcoat*
going to repeat this*
was a lot more awful then you guys ever were."*
ran away.*
thing when she accidentally*
rid off,*
I wonder what Sunny is up to?