When the Wonderbolts find a strange purple cloud near Cloudsdale they decide to check it out, turns out it's a portal, a portal to a horrible place, but they pull something out and now it must figure out how to live its new life in Equestria.
She blushed and rubbed the back of her head, "Ya, and that feather just made it so much faster, but I don't think we need to rush this like that. Most stallions just want a quick fuck, but you. You want to be with me, and I think we should continue, but maybe hold on the sex for a little while, just until we get further along."
I like that. I mean it still happened and in a way I'm not sure if I can believe Ellie saying that, but I decited it is good enough for me and hope it will feel even better, as if more feelings are involved if it happens the next time in the future.
"Well, that bitch did know a lot, so I learned, and some of the six girls I've been with have told me a bit when they were drunk."
Why does he seems to be more and more the Highschool slut with every chapter? I thought it was his only girlfriend. Well his explanation seems good enough, but he seems to be quite a needy little teeny.
"Dear Eli, no, nothing's endangering Equestria right now, but I wanna come over, I'm curious about how it went.
Celestia."
Yay, I would probably have disliked it if this would have been another Zombie attack, like they suddenly got a whole lot of spawn points for enemies.
"Of course it is, it's called herding, here we don't care about what you love, mare, stallions, one lover, two, three, etcetera. How's that weird?"
Before you plan anything weird, I mostly like it when they get two - three partners. It is already hard enough to make the reader believe everyone really loves the other for "good" reasons. I had enough stories where it felt like someone knocked at the door, was asking if they have an open place in the herd and the main char didn't really cared and said okay yes, or the Marefriend just did it without him having a say in the matter.
Celestia rubber her leg, "Well you don't have to worry about that here, just enjoy yourself." She was walking out, before she left she said, "Oh ya, I heard that mares like to invite other mares to join them, just food for thought." Celestia walked out, he heard here teleport back to Canterlot.
While I kind of hope he is the loyal type that only has one Marefriend, I would also like to see some different personalities in his possible herd, it seems you are planning one for him. Spitfire is pretty much already a confident one even when she was pretty....calm? at the date. So I maybe would either expect a shy and clumsy one or someone as grumpy as Mrs. Harshwinney.
There I would even say Ellies personality could do her some good. He is the only one, but I could even image her aproaching Ellie because he is the Nr.1 Zombie slayer. I think something like that was what her Cutiemark meant, that she could find good canditades and stuff like that. I really need to see more stories with her, but maybe some that try to show her from a different side in certain situations where she doesn't have to be professional or only when in contact with close friends/lovers.
"Eli, bit problem, turns out a portal opened up near the crystal mines, you need to get over there, Shining Armor and Cadence will assist you. And the humans there are ready to fight if you need the help. Get over there now or your species might not survive.
I know there wasn't a fight in this chapter, but that it happened so soon again is something I don't like, he had one free night and a nice morning and shit happens again, that is kind of what I mean with the main char being to busy sometimes.
I like that. I mean it still happened and in a way I'm not sure if I can believe Ellie saying that, but I decited it is good enough for me and hope it will feel even better, as if more feelings are involved if it happens the next time in the future.
Why does he seems to be more and more the Highschool slut with every chapter?
I thought it was his only girlfriend.
Well his explanation seems good enough, but he seems to be quite a needy little teeny.
Yay, I would probably have disliked it if this would have been another Zombie attack, like they suddenly got a whole lot of spawn points for enemies.
Before you plan anything weird, I mostly like it when they get two - three partners. It is already hard enough to make the reader believe everyone really loves the other for "good" reasons.
I had enough stories where it felt like someone knocked at the door, was asking if they have an open place in the herd and the main char didn't really cared and said okay yes, or the Marefriend just did it without him having a say in the matter.
While I kind of hope he is the loyal type that only has one Marefriend, I would also like to see some different personalities in his possible herd, it seems you are planning one for him. Spitfire is pretty much already a confident one even when she was pretty....calm? at the date.
So I maybe would either expect a shy and clumsy one or someone as grumpy as Mrs. Harshwinney.
There I would even say Ellies personality could do her some good.
He is the only one, but I could even image her aproaching Ellie because he is the Nr.1 Zombie slayer. I think something like that was what her Cutiemark meant, that she could find good canditades and stuff like that.
I really need to see more stories with her, but maybe some that try to show her from a different side in certain situations where she doesn't have to be professional or only when in contact with close friends/lovers.
I know there wasn't a fight in this chapter, but that it happened so soon again is something I don't like, he had one free night and a nice morning and shit happens again, that is kind of what I mean with the main char being to busy sometimes.
edit: However this was already better thank you.