> The Zombie Smasher
>  by Element Reading
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was around noon in Equestria, but the only place you wanna know about is Cloudsdale, the Wonderbolt Academy exactly. On the runway stood Rainbow Dash, Fleetfoot, Soarin, and in front was Spitfire, she was telling them about a very important mission.

"There's a purple cloud of unknown origin floating towards Cloudsdale, and we're ordered to investigate the strange cloud. You all will accompany me and to move it away from the city, got it?"

"Yes ma'am!" They all shouted, Spitfire opened up her wings and flew off, the rest of them followed right behind her.

The flight didn't take long, just a couple minutes, they stopped a few feet from the cloud, it was dark purple with green bolts sparking around the cloud.

"I'm not touching that without gloves." Said Soarin.

"Let's just investigate first." Said Spitfire, they flew all around the cloud, eyeing it on all angles. Fleetfoot asked.

"Anypony got something?"

Spitfire was about to say something, but Rainbow Dash asked, "Permission to touch it, we need to know more."

"Granted." Replied Spitfire, Rainbow Dash flew right up to it, she stuck her hoof out and reluctantly touched the cloud, she waited a couple seconds, but nothing happened, she wasn't shocked, all she felt was cloud.

"I'm not feeling anything out of the ordinar-" Her hoof was sucked in a bit, she tried flying out, but she kept going deeper and deeper into the cloud, "Ergh, A little help guys!" They all got behind Rainbow Dash and tried to pull, but it did nothing.

Before long Rainbow Dash's upper body was inside the cloud, they were still pulling, but it just seemed to pull her in faster. "Pull harder!" Shouted Spitfire, but they couldn't, they were already at their limit.

When Rainbow Dash was pulled all the way into the cloud Soarin got stuck too, but he went in so fast, he couldn't say anything, then Fleetfoot, and finally Spitfire.

Earth:

A purple cloud formed above the city of Dallas, and all the Wonderbolts were dropped out at the same time, they fell for a bit, until they remembered their wings and floated down to the ground.

They landed on some pavement, breathing heavily from the experience, "That was, interesting." Said Fleetfoot.

"Ya, but where are we?" Asked Soarin. They looked around the area, there were buildings in rubble, the streets had stone and various materials strained all around, and the sky was dim. Rainbow looked down and saw a news paper, she picked it up and read a bit, she stumbled away with wide and nervous eyes.

"What is it Dash?" Asked spitfire, Rainbow handed her the paper and she read it out loud, "The dead walk, the end is here. Uh oh." Was all she could say before they heard something growl from the shadows.

They got in a circle ready to pounce on anything that got close, there was no movement for a minute, but from under a bridge they saw a strange bipedal creature walked, but the strange part was that it had only one arm, the other was nowhere to be seen, when it got into the light they saw the pure white eyes and a bloody mouth.

They just stared until it shouted, "ERAGH!!" Then more things like it came out of buildings, the shadows, everywhere, there were about 25 around them.

"Get ready to fly as fast as you all can." Said Spitfire. Until they looked at the closest building and saw another creature on it, it shouted.

"Over here bitches!" It jumped down and landed on one of the creatures, the creature's head was smashed in, his boots covered in the blood. They saw that it was wearing a welders mask, a big long sleeve shirt, spiky boots, and big metal gauntlets with various spikes coming out of it, "Come get some!" It charged at the small pool of creatures and crushed two of them with a punch.

Another one tried to jump on him, but he turned around and threw his fist into it, it's head just exploded all over the mask and fist. "Anyone else?!"

The Wonderbolts just watched at the creature slaughtered all the other creatures with ease, it showed no fear, no hesitation, and it seemed... To enjoy it?

"Is that thing enjoying this?" Asked Spitfire, none of them could reply. Once he was done killing he turned around to face the bolts, they got ready to fly off, until it took the welder mask off and showed its face.

It was covered in grime, and muck, but they could see his brown eyes, and golden brown hair, a beard covering most of his face, they couldn't see much more than that, he was also white.

His armor was heavy duty boots with spikes around it, dirty jeans with knee pads, he had a dark green long sleeve shirt. With a modified football chestplate, it had extra protection on the front and spikes on the shoulders, he had a tactical backpack on that looked to be full. He asked in a semi low voice.

"Okay, what the fuck are you all, who the fuck are you all, and how the fuck did you get here?!" None of them could talk, they just stared. "Sigh, please answer me, I just saved all of you, I think I'm owed that at least."

Spitfire replied, "Well, we're pegasi, and we came here from that cloud up there, we investigated it and we were sent here. And I'm captain Spitfire, this's Soarin. "He waved with his mouth open, "This's Fleetfoot. "She waved and never took her eyes off his blood covered hands. "And this's Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow asked, "W-what were those things?"

"Oh those, they're walkers, humans that were infected by one of these walkers and killed, then came back to life with very animalistic mind and super fast reflexes."

"Well, we've had fictions about the undead, but I think we get it." Said Soarin.

"Look, you saved us and we're very grateful, but we need to get back to Equestria, and we don't know how long that cloud's gonna be there so. I guess this's goodbye."

"Hold on, I weigh around two hundred pounds, with the armor, and since you ALL owe me. How about carrying me into that cloud and getting me out of this fucking madhouse of a planet."

"What?" Asked Fleetfoot, "What about the other humans, your family?"

He looked down, "Everyone's pretty much dead, crazy, or a zombie. And the only real family I had was..... A puppy named Theo. Those bastards took him from me, but I want to live some place that I won't have to be ready to kill at every moment of every day, its what's right, it's what I'm owed."

They all looked at each other before Spitfire decided, "Fine, we'll take you, but if you pull anything, we'll send you right back here in a heartbeat, got it?!"

"Don't worry, I can be quite tame, before all this started I had a clean bill, no crimes, a very nice job, I'm fucking solid." She rolled her eyes and each of them took a limb, "Ready?" Asked The man.

"Sure." They replied, they flapped their wings fiercely, he didn't budge for a minute, but then they started to fly up, he said.

"Holy crap is this weird, but also cool at the same time." None of them said anything, besides a lot of grunting, until they got up to the cloud, they floated for a second until Spitfire shouted.

"Now!" They flew right into the cloud and everything went black.

Equestria:

The cloud hadn't really moved since the event, and no pony was around. Suddenly the cloud poofed away to show the Wonderbolts and the human.

They looked at each other, they took it a lot better than the first time, but something felt... off, they looked down only to see the human falling and screaming so many curse words I wouldn't be able to write if I wanted to.

Spitfire and Fleetfoot flew down instantly, followed by Rainbow Dash and Soarin, he was falling really fast and fell halfway down to the ground before Spitfire and Fleetfoot grabbed his arms, they struggled to keep him up, but they held him long enough for Rainbow Dash and Soarin to get his legs.

"Holy crap, I think we're even." Said the human. They flew up and back to the academy.

The flight was silent, mainly because he was very heavy, but once they got to the landing strip they slowly set him down on the pavement, they were all breathing heavily, no one said anything until.

"So, who are you?" Asked Fleetfoot.

"My apologies, I'm Eli, Elius Korben. Now how about a drink?" They nodded and headed over to the nearest bar.

On the way they went through a few paved streets with pegasi eyeing him up and down, some were shocked, others disgusted, and some interested.

"I'm starting to think I should have stayed in my madhouse. I'm not used to everyone looking at me like this."

Spitfire replied, "Hardly half of them would look at you like that once you get a shower in, when was your last shower?"

"Eight months ago, when the virus began."

"Eight months?! The moment we get back to the academy you're taking a shower, got it?" Ordered Spitfire.

"Alright, jeez, I was gonna do that ether way, I just need a drink first." Rainbow Dash whispered something to Spitfire, she nodded and Rainbow flew off at record speed.

They arrived at the bar moments later, it wasn't much to look at, but it seemed like a good place. The walls were brick with a couple windows around, it was one story and about the size of a small restaurant.

Soarin held the door open and let everyone in, Eli had to duck his head so he wouldn't hit the frame. He looked all around the bar. It was nicely lit, there was a bar all along the back left wall, the rest was occupied with tables and booths.

It had brick walls and wood floor, but the ceiling was made out of cloud, that part confused Eli, a waitress flew over to them, she was blue with a blonde mane and tail, she was about to speak until she saw Eli, then she just froze, unsure what to do.

"It's okay Lassy, he's with us, it's a long story."

She grabbed four menus nervously and flew over to the far back, a round booth was sitting, ready for them, it was round with enough space for the Wonderbolts and Eli.

He sat on the left edge while the Wonderbolts took most of the right, there was some more space in the back of the round booth, but they thought it best if there was a bit of space, just in case.

Spitfire asked, "What happened to your world, how did it get that bad?"

"That's a long story, just order for me, I take a normal beer.

But I guess it started during the war, the world was at war with everyone, and with that came the development of new weapons. But in one of the labs, a vile of the disease was cracked killing all the scientists there, when people investigated it, they removed the lock down and freed the virus.

Even with all of our weapons, humanity still lost in about a week, that's when zombies, as we call them, outnumbered humans, that's when they took... my dog, poor Theo, best dog I could've asked for. Since then I and a couple others have been surviving, some crazed cannibal bandits, bases full of normal people, locked out from the rest of the world. And a couple of adventurers, like me, not part of a gang, or a group, but just going around doing whatever we want.

I visited the great canyon, ran around nude in the playboy mansion, and I even ate the last twinkie on Earth, it was so fucking good. It's a golden sponge cake filled with nothing but creamy goodness. Does that clear up my world?"

They nodded, "Alright then, now I have to ask, how did you all make that cloud, and why?"

Spitfire was ordering so Fleetfoot replied, "Well, we don't know actually, we didn't make it, we just investigated and got sucked into your world."

"Interesting, now, what kind of world is this?"

The talk was basically the history and both of the princesses, and quite frankly, I don't want to write it all here.

Once they finished explaining the thirty minute history course, Eli just stared at them with really wide eyes, "Did you get all of that?" Asked Soarin.

"I... think so. Wait, where's Rainbow dash? It is Rainbow right?"

"That's right, and she went to get somepony who'll really like to hear this. One of the princesses."

"Oh fuck, now I gotta repeat all this again, and I just finished, I have food on the way, god fucking damn it."

Soarin replied, "Don't worry, once you tell them there's no pony you need to repeat this to if you so choose."

"Fine, but I just hope I can eat while I talk, I'm not very.... Formal so to say." He gestured to his battle armor, his smell, and the grime all over his body.

"I think they won't mind, but don't be surprised if they sit on the other side of the bar."

He looked at Fleetfoot and replied, "If I didn't have a buzz going on that might offend me." He saw the Wonderbolts look to the door, "Oh great, they here?" They all nodded, he sighed and mumbled something really bad under his breath.

He looked to his left and saw Rainbow Dash with princess Twilight, and Spike. The small drake was holding a whole bunch of paper, quills, and other writing material. Twilight had a very, creepy face, the kind that wanted to peel his flesh off and study it.

"Hello, I'm princess Twilight and I need to hear your entire history and everything about you, oh this's exciting, an alien comes here and I get to interrogate it, yay!" All she could say was.

"We'll be even if you all take me BACK to Earth, okay?"

After about four hours of explaining what he knew of human history, and much of what led to the zombie outbreak, but not much about him.

He ate three burgers, each with large fries, and two milkshakes. He was starving.

"That was a damn fine meal, I haven't felt this full since humans reigned supreme."

"Well, thank you for telling me all about your history, now if you'll be staying up here let me cast a cloud spell, if you step on a cloud you'll fall right through, this'll prevent it."

He finished his third milkshake and replied, "That'd be mighty kind of ya." Her horn glowed and he felt his whole body tingly, it was hard not to laugh, but he did smirk.

It took less than a minute, but Twilight's horn stopped glowing and Eli opened his eyes, "Hmm, I don't feel any different, is that good?"

"That's normal, if you felt like your legs would fail, then that would be bad." He jumped a bit to test it, but it was wood so no go.

"Well it's been nice to talk with, well real beings, not having anyone to talk to for three months can do things to you, humans are social creatures. So can you all take me back to that academy so I can take a shower?"

"Please do." Replied Twilight, Rainbow chatted with Twilight on the way out and the rest of them went on their merry way.

Nothing big happened well, at all before Eli got to the academy locker room, it was just Eli, Spitfire, and Soarin. Fleetfoot and Rainbow Dash decided to practice a bit, but most likely to get some space to talk about Eli.

Spitfire flew over to an unnamed locker and said, "You can put your stuff here while you shower, don't worry, it won't be stolen, none of us can wear it." He laughed.

"Thanks." He set down his welders mask, took off the armor, boots, everything except pants, and the shirt. He looked to his left and saw only one door to the shower room, "Um, why's there only one door to the showers?"

"Because we only need one, what's wrong with it?" Asked Soarin.

"Well, on Earth we would separate men and women shower rooms to make sure there was no... um.. activities."

They started to blush, "We're a lot more behaved than that, we respect each other's space. Plus if we made two we would have to move my office to another place and it's already close to the door. I don't want to fly across the base to sit at my desk." Said Spitfire.

"Oh, I guess I get it, but you two can go first, I don't mind waiting." They put their towels on their back, Soarin asked.

"Why? That's more than enough room."

"Because I have a fear of showering with others, I was the smart kid in high school and I was almost drowned in one, the bullies shoved my mouth into a shower head and turned on the hot water. They almost drowned and burned me."

They just looked at each other for a couple minutes, unsure what to say. "Well, alright, we won't be long." Said Soarin, they walked in to the shower room and Eli decided to sit down.

He waited to hear the water run before he grabbed his backpack and unzipped a secret pouch, he pulled out a picture and looked at it.

It was three people, two adults and one kid, he said ,"I miss you both." A couple tears came out with a whimper.

He doesn't know how long he looked at that picture, but once he heard the water stop he put the picture away and stood up.

Spitfire and Soarin walked out of the shower room with towels over their backs, and towels drying their manes. "Go on ahead, we'll be finishing up out here." Said Soarin.

"Thanks, and I won't be long ether." He took off his shirt showing his starved figure, you could see his ribcage, he took off the pants to show very bulky legs, his underwear was gray and torn up. He grabbed a towel and walked into the room, a couple seconds later the underwear flew across the room and landed right on his pile of clothes.

He turned on the hot water and just watched it flow, he hadn't seen a working shower in ages, he took a step and felt the water pour all over his body, luckily the shower head was very high so he didn't need to duck. He just enjoyed the shower, letting the water flow all over him, letting go of his stress.

Once he turned off the water he got the towel and dried off his messy hair, and most of his body. When that was done he tied the towel around his waist covering that part of his body.

He looked over to the back wall and found a mirror, he ran out into the locker room and grabbed a small brown case, a shaving kit and his knife.

he ran back to the mirror and opened up the bag, there were various shaving tools, razor blade, alcohol, shaving cream, which turned out to be a great way to blind somebody, don't ask him how he knew that.

But he took his knife and cut most of the beard off, then he cut off most of the hair coming down. He took the rest of the tools and went to work tidying up his face.

Once he was finished he looked into the mirror and his beard was gone, and his hair was in a buzz cut fashion, and there was no gruff around the edges, "Damn do I look good, now I look civil." He walked out of the room and discovered that his shirt, pants, and even underwear were washed, his boots however were still stained in blood.

"Well that was nice of them." There was no pony around, so he took the towel off and put his clothes on, he decided against the armor, but he still grabbed his desert eagle out of his bag along with a side holster.

He put the welders mask in the bag and slid the backpack on, he walked out of the room to see two almost identical hallways, all he could say was, "Aw damn it, now I need to navigate this place." He choose the left hallway and went on his merry way.

Half an hour later he found Spitfire, Rainbow, Fleetfoot, and Soarin in the cafeteria, turns out it was near dinner time. There was hardly a pony in there. "Most of them probably went home." He thought.

Cafeteria


They looked over at him and their mouths dropped, he looked at them for a few moments trying to figure out what they were gawking at, until he remembered his shave. "Oh right."

He walked over to them and sat on the far right of the table, keeping as much space from them as he could, as did they in a more subtle and unconscious way. "Who are you? you look nothing like the creature we found." Fleetfoot said jokingly.

"It's amazing what a shower, and a shave can do for you, now there's a question I need to address. What are the living arrangements?"

"Well, we have the bunks, and we'll be staying overnight, mainly because we have some serious training we need to do, we have a show in a couple days." Said Spitfire.

"I've seen how big you ponies are, so I think that'll feel like shit. How about I sleep outside, grab a blanket and a pillow and I'll just sleep next to the strip. How's that?"

"That sounds like a plan until we find more permanent arrangements." Said Spitfire.

"Perfect, now what's for dinner, I'm starved, literally you two saw my rib cage, if I'm in a good mood I'll show you all my beating heart, you can literally see me skip a beat."

"We'll take your word for it." Replied Rainbow.

He shrugged and stretched his back earning a loud pop, he sighed as he leaned on the table again. When he got up to get the food up on the front they couldn't help but notice something strapped to his side.

"What's that? A weapon?" Asked Soarin.

"I don't know, but it couldn't hurt to ask, right?" Asked Rainbow Dash. They looked at each other nervously, then Eli came back with a full tray, a sandwich, chips, three large glasses of water, and more goodies.

"Isn't that a bit too much wat-" Spitfire was cut off by him chugging one of the eight inch glasses of water, "Nevermind."

"So, what's that on your leg?" Asked Soarin.

He pulled it out to show the magnum. "This's the IMI Desert Eagle, it's a semi-auto handgun that chambers the largest rounds for a pistol, at least on Earth. It holds nine .357 mm bullets. And if I want to go big, .50 mm rounds, which would hold seven. Those are big for a handgun such as this."

He twirled it in his hand and slid it back into the holster. "Wow, but how can you hit something with that?" Asked Soarin.

"You don't hit, may I show you, and don't worry, just point we in a direction with no one near and a target."

They looked around, until they saw an archery target out of a window a few yards away, "Hit that." Said Rainbow. He was just high enough to go past the window, he aimed down the sights for a second, until BAM. Their ears were ringing something awful, for a few minutes they couldn't hear anything.

Eli chuckled and said, "Noobies."

When they got the ringing out of their ears they looked and saw that the target had a hole through it, "Wow, and with those kinds of weapons you still lost?" Asked Fleetfoot.

"Yes, the population was just to massive and the virus spread in less than a week to seventy five percent of the world. We stood no chance, no matter what weapons we had." He sat back at the table and started to eat.

Fleetfoot asked, "That's saddening, sorry."

"No worries, I survived, now what other questions do you all have?"

Soarin asked nervously, "So what kind of a life did you have before, well that?"

He stared at them for a moment, "Well, I was a wonder kid, I had all A's in every class, I was super smart, and bullied often. But I got to work my college classes at sixteen, got done early just so I would be away from... Them.

I got my bachelors degree, four years, and I got a job as a business manager. During college I had a beautiful girlfriend who was the biggest bitch in the whole world, I hated her."

"So why did you date her?" Asked Spitfire.

"Because she had an ass that could kill, literally. She bent over once and an old man behind us died of a heart attack, do you know how I knew it was of her?" They nodded. "He had a boner." They were blushing so much.

"And while with her we had, Theo, remember?"

"Oh ya, your dog." Said Rainbow.

"Ya, exactly, best god damn dog I could've asked for." A single tear ran down his cheek. Spitfire sat next to him and draped a wing over his back, she had sympathetic look with a nice smile. "Thanks." Was all he could say.

Rainbow asked, "On cheerier topic, what kinds of things do you like, if you stay here, you'll need a job."

"Well, I like killing zombies, I'm also a decent scavenger, I know english and latin, I can run a business, or organization, and, well that's about it right now."

"Wait, you have latin in your society?" Asked Spitfire.

"It's a dead language, but ya."

"There was a little bit in our language, but it's died off."

"Ut bene sit uel tristia uel lingua, sed non erat malus in primo loco." They all looked at him curiously, "That roughly means, well that's saddening, but it was a sucky language anyway."

They laughed a bit, "Very true." Said Fleetfoot.

They just sat around and joked for hours, but before long it became time for the Wonderbolts to turn in, and with everything that happened, Eli needed some rest too.

They walked over to the barracks, they went in, but Eli stood at the door and shouted, "Can one of you throw me a blanket and a pillow?" A pillow and a blanket flew onto his face, they landed in his arms, inside he heard Spitfire shout.

"Good night!"

"Night!" He shouted back, he walked around the strip, looking for the best place to sleep, luckily the ground we nice and dry, he picked the very end, not next to the edge, but out of the way and facing the stars.

He laid out the blanket and dropped the pillow, he stretched and laid on his back. His head laid on the pillow letting him look at the sky, "So nice when there's nothing to harm you, so beautiful." He closed his eyes with excitement, wonder, and curiosity, what were these ponies, and how would he live in this new world?
> Chapter 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a nice, bright morning, the clouds shown in the sunlight, birds tweeted, and every Wonderbolt was looking at the sleeping figure of of a giant human wearing bloody armor, or more commonly known as Eli. Wondering what this thing was, Spitfire got next to Eli and said.

"It's okay, he's with us, I'll send out a letter explaining everything, so back to practice!"

"Yes ma'am!" They all shouted. They flew off, except for Fleetfoot, Soarin, and Rainbow Dash. Spitfire looked at his sleeping figure for a minute, trying to think where best to wake him.

She tapped his shoulder, but nothing, she shouted, "Wake up!" Nothing. "If this doesn't work get me a bucket of cold water." She grabbed his arm and pulled a bit.

His eyes opened widely, he pushed her off and grabbed his gun, he aimed it right at her head, he had a cold, ready to kill face, he looked at her for a second before putting his gun away, he said.

"I'm so sorry, I'm used to something trying to kill me, so sorry."

She was dazed for a second, but she replied with, "Next time you do that I'm gonna kick you off the runway and let you fall."

"Whoa, alright, sorry." He put his hands up.

She flew away trying to look tough, but she still showed a bit of fear, he almost killed her for Christ's sake.

Rainbow Dash asked, "What was that about?"

"In my world, if you felt something grab you, it was ether a zombie, maniac, or something you don't wanna know about. My reflexes are what they are, but I think I'll grow out of them the longer I'm here."

Rainbow Dash replied, "Well, I've been told that you are requested at Canterlot, the princesses would like to meet you."

"Oh great, more ponies I have to explain everything to, let's hope that Twilight told them most of it."

"She probably did."

Soarin interjected, "Well, one or two of us need to come with you, an escort. Just to keep ponies calm until we get used to you."

"Alright, whoever want's to can come, oh ya I almost forgot, I need to grab somethings, Canterlot would probably be the best place to look for my items." Said Eli.

"Sure, but actually Spitfire said she'll go, we have a show to prepare for, and she's mastered her part." Said Fleetfoot.

"Wow, um, okay, whenever she's ready. I'm gonna just grab my armor and weapons real quick, five minutes tops." He got up and grabbed the blanket and pillow. He walked off to get his things.

Five minutes later Spitfire was at the entrance to the academy, waiting on Eli, "Ulgh, what's taking so long, I've been ready for five minutes now."

He busted out of the door with his backpack, and a duffel bag, she asked, "What's in the bag?"

"My armor, just in case something happens I wanna be ready to fight."

"Fair enough, let's go, it's a long flight." She gestured to the royal chariot with two royal guard pegasi ready to fly, but they just gawked at Eli.

"Oh come on, I'm getting tired of ponies staring at me, it makes me feel weird." They stepped into the chariot, and the seats were pretty comfortable. The guards took off, one of them looked back and said.

"We'll be there in half an hour." He nodded and the guard looked straight again, Spitfire said.

"It's a bit weird, I'm not used to ponies flying me places, and I'm feeling a bit.. Off so to say."

"If you want you can fly on ahead, I'm perfectly comfortable being alone for half an hour. After all, I spent four months alone, except for the undead, and crazy bandits who also tried to eat me. So I kind of like being alone."

"Well, alright, see you there." Spitfire took off like a bolt, one the guards said.

"I wish I could fly that fast."

"So do I." Replied the other guard.

Eli laid his head back and looked around, he was close to the clouds, he could see the whole land with a birds eye view, he was amazed, "Wow, you pegasi are spoiled, you take sights like this for granted?"

"We get used to them, can you humans fly?"

"For awhile, we had machines that would fly us places, but the windows were tiny and always above the clouds for scenic views, and when we got low enough it was just gray cities, we were pretty advanced, but with that came a lack of nature in cities, I mean the only places you'd find half of the greenland here are at national parks.

It's quite stunning, I wish I could show this to Theo."

"Theo?" Asked one of the guards.

"My... Dog, he loves flying."

They landed right in front of the palace doors, he looked at them with great awe, "Holy crap, this's beautiful." One of the guards opened the door and Eli stepped out, he shouldered his duffel bag and walked into the castle.

He walked around for awhile, asking ponies where the throne room was, but he finally found it, and Spitfire was leaning on one of the pillars, "What took you so long, you landed awhile ago."

"I got lost."

"I'm just messing with you, first time I looked for it it took me two hours." They walked up to the door, the guards opened them to show the princesses and Shining Armor waiting.

"Oh boy." Was All Eli could say. Princess Celestia was sitting on the throne, to her right was Luna, her left Cadence, and on the bottom with two guards was Shining Armor sporting his classic purple armor.

Eli walked closer to them with Spitfire right next to him when he got closer he got to see Shining Armor's armor a lot closer, he snickered a bit, making him asked.

"What's so funny?"

"Purple armor? Well I guess you guards can support the gays as well."

"What?" Shining asked, all the while Cadence snickered, trying not to burst in laughter.

"What's your name?"

"Shining Armor." This time Eli fell on the ground, he couldn't breath through the laughter, soon Spitfire smirked, while Luna starting laughing as well, Cadence turned away to hide her laughter. Celestia said in her royal voice.

"IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY, YOU ALL STOP LAUGHING NOW OR ELSE!" Luna replied.

"Not bad sis, didn't think you still had that voice."

"Later Luna." Eli got up almost instantly, "Now then, what is your name human?"

"Wait, how do you know I'm a human?"

"I've seen your world, and I know of what your kind does, speak."

"Well, actually eight months ago a virus got out and infected the world turning the people into zombies, you've heard of them in fiction right?"

"Well, yes."

"My people are dead, we are nothing more than shells of rotting flesh, and crazy bandits that I have no trouble killing, what you saw isn't alive, my kind have died.... I'm basically the last sane human."

They looked down, Luna replied.

"Sorry to hear that, well it's good to keep up, but you never answered our question, who are you?"

"Sorry, I'm Elius Korben, but just call me Eli."

"Very well, now then, we heard about your.. talents in fighting, is that true?"

"Well ya, I'm very good."

"We're worried about other portals opening up whatever's in your world coming over and destroying us. So we want to make you an offer." Said Celestia.

"I'm listening, go on."

"We're willing to pay you two thousand bits now and one thousand every two weeks, in exchange you fight anything that may come from these portals, do we have a deal?"

He replied, "I'll do it, but once smashers come though I'm upping the price."

"Smashers?" Asked Cadence.

"Giant zombies that're almost immune to death and about triple my size, those bastards are tough to fight, take my word for it."

"Very well, now do you have a place to stay?" Asked Celestia.

"Well, I'm at the academy right now, sleeping under the stars, and no I don't do beds, they're too soft, I'm used to sleeping on ground."

"Well, if you ever need a place to stay, we have many guest rooms."

"Thank you, now how about we head out and maybe grab some drinks? There's too much tension here, I get it, I'm a human and judging from your responses and slight hostility of me I can assume that the last human, or humans were true dicks."

They all just looked at each other, they didn't expect Eli to be that intelligent, "Sorry about teasing your name Shining, I was breaking the conversational ice."

"Um, all in the past."

"I'm sorry mister Eli, but I have a full day of meetings to attend and Luna needs to go back to bed." Said Celestia.

Eli replied, "Fair enough, how about you two?"

Cadence asked, "And where would we go?"

"I need to pick up a few things, we could chat, and perhaps explain a bit about myself and about my people."

They looked at Celestia, she nodded and Cadence replied, "We'd love to, I can since we'll be meeting very often."

"Glad to hear it, let's go." Eli started to walk out with Spitfire, she asked.

"They aren't usually this icy, but you handled that far better than I thought."

"What did you think was gonna happen?" He asked.

"A war between you and all of pony kind."

"Nah, I don't want to fight if I don't have to, plus it wouldn't have been war, I would've been sent back to Earth or to an early grave."

When they got out of the castle, Spitfire told him she had to go back, they would be needing her. While Shining Armor and Cadence were next to him, he asked.

"So where's a basket shop?"

"Um, I know a good one not too far form here, just follow me." Said Shining Armor, they started their trek to the shopping area of Canterlot.

"So Eli, did you have any family on Earth when you left?"

He laughed before replying, "Everyone's dead, I had no one, hell, before this I hadn't seen a human who wasn't infected nor a crazed bandit trying to eat me for months. That does things to your mind, am I right Mr. Phiny?"

"What?" Asked Cadence, he started laughing.

"Ha, got you, no I don't have imaginary people in my mind, I was close, but not yet. And before the outbreak, I had a.... Dog named Theo, he was the best thing in my life, I don't think I'll ever meet someone like him." Shining Armor and Cadence looked at each other, wondering why he phrased it like it that.

"So what region did you come from, southern, northern, city, country?" Asked Shining Armor.

"I'm from the deep south, and from the country, learned quite a bit, I can show you two how to shoot so close to a raccoon it craps itself." He started to giggle.

"Maybe some other time, so what kind of a society were you living in?"

"That's gonna be a long talk."

Skipping long history lesson, you're welcome.

When he finished they were at a small stand with numerous baskets, Eli had been looking around and found a perfect one, it was small, but very flat with nice oak wood. He paid up the bits and walked back to Shining Armor and Cadence.

"Now a cake, I smell a bakery not too far from here."

"There's one just down the end of the street." Said Cadence.

"Sweet." They started to walk again, Shining asked.

"So, what kind of training do you have? Military?"

"Nope, before the outbreak I had no training, in fact I hated conflict, I was pretty much a hippy in those terms. But luckily, I learn quickly."

"Wow, that's impressive, so you've been surviving alone with hardly anything?" Asked Cadence.

"Yep." Shining Armor was really impressed. Eli stood in front of the bakery, the style was much like Canterlot's style of building, but inside it smelled like grandma's house, minus the piss.

There was a counter near the back and a couple tables at the windows to give a nice view to patrons. It was almost all white with black features.

Eli walked up to the counter where a mare stood waiting, she was almost strange, she looked at him like he was just another pony, it was unsettling. She had a black coat with a blonde mane and tail, she also had purple eyes. She said in a cute voice.

"Welcome to the Canterlot bakery, how may I help you?"

He asked, "Wait, you aren't surprised by me and your not giving me any dirty looks, why is that?"

"Well, I deal with numerous species in this business, I've grown used to it over time."

"I get it, now do you have strawberry cake with chocolate frosting?"

"We do, it'll just take a second to put the chocolate frosting on."

"Excellent, I'll take one, and can you throw in two sugar cookies, these two have been with me all day, they deserve it." He whispered something so low no pony could hear, not even me.

"Very well sir, that'll be forty bits."

He counted that many out and gave them to her, she put them into the register and said, "Thank you, it'll be out in a moment." Eli nodded and went over to the closest table, Shining Armor and Cadence were also there, just enjoying the view.

"The cake'll be out in a few minutes, they need to frost it."

"Alright, but why strawberry on chocolate?" Asked Cadence.

"Well, that's kind of personal, I'd rather not say. But I have a question for you two."

Shining asked, "Sure, what is it?"

"Do you two have any children?"

"We have a daughter, Flurry Heart, the first born alicorn." Said Shining Armor.

"Wait, so none of you were bo-, never mind, I don't wanna go down that path, it would take too long. But you two are lucky, kids are great." He heard somepony shout.

"Chocolate strawberry cake and two cookies!"

Eli got up and grabbed the box, he put the cake box into the basket and handed Shining Armor and Cadence the cookies, they nodded and started eating them.

They left the bakery, Eli asked, "Do you two know a beautiful place, maybe filled with flowers, or nature?"

"The royal gardens would have to be the place." Said Cadence.

"Sweet, I'll see you two later."

"Didn't you wanna drink?" Asked Shining Armor.

"I'll meet up with you two later, I need to do something." He turned around and headed for the castle, Cadence asked.

"Something doesn't feel right, it feels like he's hiding something."

"It does, I should follow him, just to make sure it isn't anything we need to worry about."

"Why just you?" Asked Cadence.

"I'm just looking at something that probably isn't anything. You shouldn't worry, just meet us at the dining room."

"Good point, I'll see you in awhile." Shining walked away and followed Eli.

The walk was about twenty minutes, but once Eli found his way into the garden Shining Armor hid in a nearby bush. It was absolutely beautiful, a nice dusk sky, blooming flowers, and the steady stream of a river, Eli said.

"This really is a beautiful place, I'll thank them later for the recommendation." Eli threw his duffel bag with armor off to the side and took off his backpack. He got out a tiny wood table and set in in front of a tree, he grabbed a picture and put it on the table, Shining Armor couldn't see much of the picture, just a blur.

Eli fluffed out a blanket and placed the cake on it, he got a knife, fork, and two plates. He pulled out a candle and placed it on the cake, he took out a lighter and lit the candle.

Shining crept a bit closer, but he was still behind a rock, he heard Eli clear his throat before he sung.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Theo, happy birthday to you. Make a wish... my son." Shining Armor was shocked, his hoof was covering his mouth, he realized Eli's secret.

A gust of wind blew out the candle, he also heard Eli whimper, he looked closer and saw that he was crying, streams of tears were flowing down his face. Shining Armor didn't know what to do, until he heard Eli say.

"It's okay Shiningsniff, you can come out." He did so and walked over to Eli, he sat next to Eli on his left, Shining asked.

"Theo wasn't your dog, was he?"

"Not even close, he was my son, today he would've been seven, but... they got him."

Shining Armor was saddened by this, but seven? Eli looked maybe twenty four. "Wait, you're twenty four right?"

"Yes."

"The math feels off."

"Sigh, I'll tell you. When I was seventeen I meet an incredibly hot girl, I mean when she bent over, an old man literally had a heart attack kind of hot.

Well, we got frisky one night and my protection.... Broke. We sued the company for three million, they gave us two if we would drop it. We had a kid on the way so we accepted.

Neither of us wanted him, and even when he was born she wanted to adopt him off and use the money for her needs. But when I held him in my arms, and I saw my destiny, I knew I needed to be the one to parent him. 

No one else, with the money I bought a decent house, a car, and paid off my college loans, I invested in a couple companies that became big, the only thing I needed to do was raise my son." He covered his face with his hands and wiped away a lot of tears, his hands were soaking wet.

"But it was all for not, when the outbreak happened, we got trapped in a clothes store, I told him to run and don't stop, I tried to get the zombies away, but a couple followed him.

Back then I had no idea how to fight, but I grabbed a large metal chair and I bashed quite a few zombies in the head, but then I heard Theo scream.

I instantly ran over to see him locked in a changing room, there were so many zombies, like twenty. But I grabbed a knife and I went to town, you do anything to protect your kid, even risk a painful death.

I got them all and the door opened, turned out he was... Bit." Shining Armor gasped, "Yup, I got on my knees and got him, Theo could barely keep his eyes open. He kept begging for me to keep him from becoming and I quote 'evil things'. The last words he said to me before he... passed were."

He clenched his fists and tears just poured out of his eyes, "I love you Daddy... and he was gone! I looked over at one of the zombies and found a gun, the eagle I have right now, I put it against his chin, and I waited, waited for the twitches.

When his body jerked around I fired, I shot my own son." He fell back on my arms, "I held him for what felt like hours, I buried him in a park not very far away. Today he would've become seven, this's his favorite cake." He fell onto his side and balled up, just crying, whimpering, and weak.

"You take a father's kid from him, he truly has nothing left to lose, I pray that never happens to you." Shining was unsure what to say, it was all so much, but what he did do was to sit next to Eli and placed a hoof on his shoulder him, nothing more could really be done.

"I can't imagine that kind of pain, I'm so sorry that happened, no one should bury their own child." Said Shining Armor, a tear fell off of his cheek and landed on the ground.

"I should've been there, I should've helped him, saved him. I should have died on that wasteland of a planet. I watched my own son, die in my arms, and I didn't even get to tell him I loved him back, I wish I died right then and there." Shining just looked down.

They stayed like that for awhile, before Eli got on his knees again, "Thanks, I needed someone to let it out with."

"Absolutely, but why haven't you cussed? At all?"

"I made a promise never to cuss, nor drink around Theo, even at his memorial. But can I ask you something?"

Shining Replied, "Sure."

"What's it like raising a kid with a partner there to help?"

"Wow, that's a rough question, but I would say A lot easier, two of you take the blows and you always have somepony to sleep with after a rough days, not always dirty, but just somepony to cuddle with."

"Wow, that was something I hated about her, I cuddled, but she hated it, I feel like she hated my very existence so I may be half right there. But, if you lost Flurry Heart, what would you do?"

"I... I would probably kill myself, the idea of losing her is too horrible to think about."

"Ya, I can barely think about it and it happened to me. I miss him so much, he was the best thing I could've asked for." Eli started to put everything up, "Well, gotta meet Cadence at the bar, or is she here?"

"It's just me, and I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Thank you, but can you do me one favor though."

"What is it Eli?"

"Don't tell the Wonderbolts, I want to befriend and ear their trust, and I don't want to do it out of pity, but you can tell the princesses if you wish. Just not them, I'll tell them when I'm ready, and now isn't the time." He finished packing up, the picture was the last thing, "Wanna look?" Asked Eli, Shining Armor nodded.

He handed Shining Armor the picture, it was a young six year old boy with brown messy hair, brown eyes, and a face very much the same as Eli. He was also wearing a red shirt, but the picture was just above the waist and nothing more could be seen, the background was just of a house.

"He looks a lot like you."

A tear fell of Eli's face as he said that, "We were basically identical, he shared my laugh, activities, my apatite, he was a little version of me, but without any anger issues." Eli grabbed to picture and placed it back into the bag.

"Thank you for opening up to me, but now I understand why you drink."

"Ya, it's the only way I can sleep, passed out with a bottle of tequila in my left hand, and a riffle in my right. Now come on, let's meet her for a drink, I could really use one."

Shining Armor nodded as they got up and walked out of the garden.

It took awhile, but they finally reached a small bar just outside of the royal guard barracks. The guards saluted Shining Armor, but they gave curious looks at Eli, which didn't help his mood.

When they entered it was a small bar, wood floor, ceiling, tables, you get it. At the left there was a small bar and everywhere else were tables, luckily there wasn't that many guards around, but at the back booth sat Cadence, she waved to them.

They navigated through the tables and got to her booth, Shining Armor sat next to her while Eli sat across from her.

"I take it you saw Shining?"

"I did, your senses get amplified for how long I was in that world." Shining Armor asked Cadence.

"Cadence, can I talk with you for a second?"

"Sure." They scooted out of the bar and walked to the door, she asked, "What was he hiding?"

Shining Armor lowered his head and replied, "Theo wasn't his dog... Theo was his son." She gasped, "He lost Theo in a store, apparently he got bit and slowly died in Eli's arms."

She was shocked, "Wow, so that's why... Oh my, that's just horrible."

"And he went off to celebrate what would have been his son's birthday. Eli's a damaged man, like the saying goes, you take away a father's kid, he truly has nothing left to live for. Now when we go back, be gentle, he's still a bit sensitive."

"A-alright, poor guy, I wish I could do something for him."

"You can, buy him a lot of drinks, that'll help."

"I can see how it would, let's go back, cheer him up a bit." They walked back to the booth and sat down, he looked at them and asked.

"I take it you told her?"

"Yup." Replied Shining.

"Well, now that it's out, let's talk about something more fun, like do ether of you want cake?"

They chatted in there for hours, drinking, eating, and other fun stuff, Eli was completely wasted, but Shining Armor and Cadence barely had any. "Well, this's nice, a stroll down memory lane."

"And a bunch of tips for raising a baby, thanks by the way." Said Cadence, he nodded and sat up. He lifted his drink and said.

"For Theo, best kid I ever met." Shining Armor and Cadence raised their glasses and toasted. Eli gulped down the last of his drink, but they only drank a bit.

He took out a wallet and tried to pull out money, but remembered the bit currency, "Oops, used to cash."

Shining Armor asked, "Is that wallet made out of tape?"

"Yup, heh. Me and Theo made it awhile back, tape was everywhere, just pure father/son fun... these pictures keep me going throughout the day, here." He handed the wallet to Cadence, she looked at the pictures, and saw two pictures, one was just Theo on a bench. But the other had more of an impact.

It was Eli holding Theo on his shoulders, playing with a model airplane, Eli was wearing a Hawaiian shirt with sunglasses, they looked very happy. Eli grabbed the wallet and stared at the pictures, a couple tear fell down, "I miss him, so very much."

Cadence got next to Eli and draped a wing over his back and looked at him with reassuring smile, "Thanks. I just get misty eyed at the memories. But now's a new life, one he would want me to live, stories to tell him when I pass on."

"That's a nice way of looking at it, I think?" Said Shining Armor, Eli got out of the booth and said.

"It's been fun, but I need to get back to the academy, they'll be wondering where I am." He stumbled through, knocking down chairs and wobbling.

"I think you should stay here for the night, they won't be worried, you're with the most powerful ponies in Equestria, and I'll send a letter telling them we didn't execute you for rude behavior." They chuckled.

"I guess why not, sure." They led Eli through the castle, he greeted a couple maids with a slurry of words, which made many of them laugh.

They laid Eli on a nice soft bed, the room was much like Starlight Glimmer's in episode 10, season 7.

"Good night, sleep well." Said Cadence, he replied.

"Thanks." He fell asleep instantly, Cadence floated a trash bin next to his bed for the morning. they exited the room and left him there to sleep.
> Chapter 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a bright morning, and pretty late, like ten in the morning everypony was awake except for one, Eli, he was still sleeping last night off.

But Shining Armor and Cadence were at his door, they knocked on the door, but they didn't hear anything. So they opened the door slowly.

Turns out that Eli got off the bed, and slept under the bed, he had his gun right next to him. Cadence slowly walked up to him and tapped his shoulder, she said.

"Wake up, time for you to go." He opened his eyes slowly, he scooted out from under the bed and sat up, he was gonna say something, but instead he grabbed the trashcan and started throwing up.

Cadence stepped back a bit, once he was finished the trashcan was about half full he asked, "What happened after we got to the bar?"

Shining Armor replied, "We had a nice night, basically we just chatted, and I haven't told anypony besides Cadence about Theo."

"Hey thanks man, but you know Celestia and Luna can know right?"

"Ya, but I'll wait, come on get up, the shower's waiting for you."

"That sounds nice Shining, I'll meet you two later I think I can find the shower."

Cadence chuckled, "No you can't, if you thought the throne room was hard to find you have no idea how hard it was for me to find the shower."

"Fine, lead the way Shining." He nodded and took Eli to the shower, it's only for guests which Eli was. So it was very empty, Eli looked around the restroom.

It was white with gold, same as the castle, with a nice large tub, a sink, and a toilet. "I like this bathroom already."

"Good, just come to the entrance when you're done, your chariot will be waiting." Said Shining Armor.

"Thanks, see you there Shining." Shining Armor walked away and Eli stepped into the bathroom.

Once that was done he stepped out and walked out of the bathroom, he looked down to see a guard ready to escort him. "Let's go." Was all he could say.

The guard took him outside and he saw the princesses and Shining Armor out there with his chariot. The guards were ready to fly him back to Cloudsdale.

He stood in front of the princesses and said, "I'm just leaving, you all can just go back in and do whatever. But thanks."

Celestia replied, "It's no worries, I managed to get half an hour off, plus I wanted to say good bye, sorry I was icy back there, but I dealt with humans before and they were.... Horrible. But you, you seem like a decent fellow, and from what Shining Armor and Cadence tell me you're a great person."

"Aw, thank you, I appreciate you saying that. And don't worry, I'll behave just send a letter and I'll come fight anything you need me to fight."

Luna said, "And I need to apologize about me entering your dream, and I wanted to ask if you wanted to be on my blacklist?"

"You have a blacklist? Who's on it?"

"Just Celestia, Cadence, Shining Armor, and Pinkie Pie, she's far more disturbed than anypony I've ever met."

"Um, I'll take your word for that, but I wouldn't mind a decent nights rest without having to pass out with a bottle of booze in each hand." She nodded and ended with.

"And I did see your dream, and what happened, I'm sorry for your loss." Eli nodded and went on to Shining Armor and Cadence.

"I can tell I'll be visiting you two often in your empire. And thanks for letting me let of of some feelings."

"It was no trouble, we're always happy to help somepony out when they need it." Said Cadence.

"So, bye." Eli walked away and entered the chariot, with just one night he already made two friends, and possibly two more in the future. The chariot took off and Eli started the ride to Cloudsdale.

It was a long ride, but during the trip he pulled out the wallet and just looked at the picture of Eli and Theo on his shoulders playing with a model plane.

A smile crossed his face and a tear fell off of his cheek, one of the guards took notice and asked.

"Hey, is everything alright sir?"

"Huh? Oh it's fine, just looking back at some old memories." The guard looked straight again, Eli whispered, "I miss you."

Once he got to Cloudsdale the chariot landed next to the Wonderbolt academy entrance, he stepped out of the chariot and said, "Thanks." The guards flew off after they nodded at Eli.

He walked through the door and started his search for Spitfire, he looked everywhere in each office, but nothing. Until he got to the runway, he saw that they were practicing and they didn't notice him, so Eli decided to go back in and get something to eat he hadn't ate yet and he was hungry enough to eat a hor- um, ya sorry. He was hungry.

He walked to the cafeteria and saw that there was no pony there, not even cooks, but it was after lunch, so he didn't expect anypony. He sat down at the farthest table and pulled out his duffel bag and got out each piece of his armor, he took a rag and decided to clean the blood and guts off.

He scrubbed and scrubbed, but he barely got anything out, so he decided to check his weapons instead. He got out his desert eagle and pulled his backpack off.

He pulled out an Uzi, a sawed off shotgun, and a glock. He took each of them apart and cleaned the pieces, this took easily four hours, but he didn't mind, with everypony constantly wanted to be near him for some weird reason he wanted some alone time.

He reflected upon the recent events and who might become his best allies, he wasn't sure what to tell the Wonderbolts, should he tell them of his super large paycheck, his new friends, or the fact Luna put him on a blacklist. But that was interrupted by Spitfire shouting at him.

"You're back!" He looked over to see her flying over to him, "So, how was it?"

He calmly replied, "Well I think I became friends with captain Shining Armor and princess Cadence."

"How much is she paying you?"

"About a thousand bits a week."

She blinked a couple times, trying to comprehend it, "That's quite a bit, so do you have a place to stay?"

"Well, I like laying out in the open watching the stars, so nope, I got nowhere."

Her eyes darted around the room before she replied, "Well, you seem like a decent fellow, and I actually have a spare room, I could let you use it, but you'd still pay for rent, and your food. But only if you want, the runway's always nice."

"Well, it'll be awhile until I find a decent place to live, I need to store my money up so. I'd love to, but just until I find a nice place."

"I guess it's settled, I'll be getting ready to go in about twenty minutes, then I'll take you over to my house." She nervously flew away.

"She seemed to be hesitant, I wonder what's motivating her to do this?" He finished cleaning his Uzi and started to pack the guns back in his bag, but he felt some weird object in the bag, "What the hell?" He asked out loud.

He pulled out a small box, it was wooden with some kind of magical lock, he tried to force it open, but it wouldn't budge, he felt around the bag to try to find a key in it.

But all he found was a small note, it said, "The box will open when the time comes, keep it on you at all times, the time's coming up. Be ready for your greatest challenge."

"The fuck?" The note disappeared, he placed the small box on the table and stared at it, wondering what was inside. But nothing happened.

Spitfire came in and asked, "What's going on?"

He jumped and replied, "Just looking at something. It's not important, let's go." He packed the box and grabbed his backpack and duffel bag.

Just one question?"

"Yes?" Asked Spitfire.

"Why're you doing this for me?"

"It's personal, but be glad I'm offering."

"Jeez, you're in a mood."

"Sorry, practice was very tough, and quite frankly I wanna go home and crash on my bed."

Eli looked down, "If you're that tired I'll move in tomorrow morning, just give me a blanket and a pillow, I'll sleep well."

"No, come on, I'll show you around." They got out of there with mixed feelings.

Spitfire's home wasn't far, normally she would be in the bunks, but when there was a show the next day it paid to sleep on a great mattress.

The house was two stories, with light and dark blue brick, the small yard was just a layer of cloud, not much there. The door was under a small overhanging, and the door was made out of a nice birch like wood. He said.

"Damn, nice place."

She replied, "Ya, I love it. Not that big, but big enough for me to fly around in."

"I get that, when I was just a normal human I never lived anywhere like this." They walked up and Spitfire unlocked the door, she hung up her saddlebags and Eli followed her in.

The walls were a nice purple with a red couch facing a rather large coffee table, on the other two ends of the table sat two red chairs that seemed very comfortable.

There was a fire place towards the back of the living room which was unlit at the moment, the couch faced it directly, there were a few pictures of Spitfire on the wall, on the mantle of the fire place sat a couple of medals and trophies. There was a small staircase that lead to the second floor. 

He looked to his right and saw a door leading to what he could tell from the crack as the kitchen. "Never thought you were one for purples, but I have to say the colors really blend with each other in a nice mix."

"Well, thanks, and I have a personal life I'm not just the Wonderbolt commander." She plopped down on the couch and sighed.

"Well, how about I make a quick dinner and you just go to bed, I'm really good at finding all the exits and bathrooms."

"That sounds alright, but you can tell how a house is laid out?"

"When you have to run every other second, you learn to find your way very quickly." He walked towards the kitchen and looked around.

It was a very pale yellow with a white ceiling, and granite counter tops, "Well, that clashes." He whispered to himself. To the left was a bunch of cooking equipment and to the right was a small sitting area, two chairs facing a booth with a small table between the two.

Eli walked over to the fridge and found a nice supply of food.

"Hey Spitfire! Do you like spicy food?"

She shouted back, "I love spicy food! You?"

"I love it so much Theo started to worry about how much we were eating it."

"But, Theo's a dog?"

He realized his mistake, "Well, I fed him some scraps, I had no relationship and he filled the hole of something to love!"

"Got it." He got out some supplies and after ten minutes of cooking he made up nachos with tons of jalapenos all over it, and on the main course was turnovers, bread folded over cheese and various spices, then cooked for a few minutes, their amazing.

He shouted, "It's ready!" She flew into the kitchen as Eli was setting out the plates, she commented.

"That smells amazing, were you a cook?"

"Nah, but as a single guy I wanted things to eat that weren't from a fast food joint, so I started cooking. Since then I did it as a small hobby."

She sat down, "I can tell I'm gonna like you here already." They dug in, there wasn't any kind of conversation, but there was a lot of chewing.

They cleaned out the nachos and left two turnovers in the fridge for tomorrow, he made sure there were two more, she would be in a rush.

They just sat there, enjoying their relaxed state. Eli said, "Oh god, my ass's gonna feel this in the morning, and throughout the day."

She belched and replied, "Same here, but I've had a lot hotter before, and this was perfect."

"Thanks, I work hard to please, just ask my old girlfriend."

"You had a girlfriend?"

"Ya, Trudy, she was the biggest bitch you'd ever see, she abused me and hurt Theo really badly, I had to run, and got a restraining order."

"So why did you date her?"

"She had the kind of ass you dream of, it was so good it literally killed an elderly man who was behind us in line, she dropped her change and she bent over, and do you know how I could tell his heart attack was from her?"

"How?"

"He had a massive boner, luckily I used a jacket and covered that part, so only the medical crews and the funeral services had to see it, poor fuckers."

"I get that I've dated a couple hot stallions in my time, but they were jerks. By the way how old are you?"

"Oh, I'm twenty three, twenty four next month."

"That's strange, I turn twenty four in two months, we're the same age."

"Neat." There was a small silence before Spitfire said.

"Well, I have a long day ahead, so good night, your room is on the second floor to the left, and don't enter my room,  you do, I'll kill you myself."

"Fair enough, good night." She flew away and Eli followed her up stairs.

It was a decently long hallway, he could go left, or right, both ways had two doors on each side, he took a left and saw Spitfire enter the door on the right.

He walked to his door and looked at the plain white door, he opened it to see a decently sized dark green room, there wasn't any furnishings besides a bed, and a cabinet with a mirror on it.

"Well, I like it." He plopped his things down and closed the door, he flipped a light switch and saw the room light up. There wasn't anything new he hadn't already seen, "Good, the lights work." He turned the lights back off and fell on the mattress.

He moved to his side, then front, then on his back, nothing would work. He got up and threw the mattress off, he took the bed frame  and moved it to the edge of the room, he took the pillow and blanket and threw them on the ground.

He laid on them and stared at the white ceiling, "This'll be a good room soon." He dozed off to sleep moments later.

Next day:

Spitfire opened her door and stretched her wings, she knocked on Eli's door and said, "Wake up, I'm gonna get ready."

She heard nothing, but the door was cracked, so she slowly opened it to see him sleeping on the floor with the bed frame propped up against the window and the mattress just off to the side.

"What the?"

He turned around and she saw that he was holding his pillow in his hands, cuddling it, "Well, he's a cuddler, good to know." She smirked before saying, "They're here, the zombies are here!"

His eyes opened and he jumped up with his desert eagle at the ready, "Where they at?"

"Now I know how to get you up." He lowered his gun and flipped her off, "What does that mean?"

He replied, "It's a signal saying fuck you, and in this case fuck you for waking me up with that never do that, next time I'm shooting you."

She laughed, "You wouldn't."

He pointed his gun to her and replied, "I don't care if I die, I have nothing left to live for, I just live to kick ass. That's it." He scooched past her through the door way, she wondered for a moment before saying out loud.

"Oh ya, his whole race is gone.  Why am I talking out loud?" She shrugged and followed him down.

He was setting up the perculator, getting coffee started, "I'm leaving now so I don't have time for coffee."

"Well, more for me, back on Earth I was a coffee junkie, I drank it three times a day at least it's how I dealt with Theo." He went back to preparing.

"Oh, I'll be back tomorrow morning, no parties."

"Come on Mom, it'd be only a couple friends." He smirked, barely keeping his cool.

She replied, "Well see ya." She flew, and he could hear her laughing on the way out.

"I'm too good." He went up and grabbed his duffle bag, he came back down and sat in the small eating area, waiting for his coffee, he pulled out each piece of his armor and started checking it.

But out of nowhere a scroll popped out of thin air and landed right in front of Eli making him jump back, "More magic shit? Aw man, I'm getting tired of trying to figure these ponies out."

He unrolled the scroll, it read.

"Eli, it's time to work, a portal recently opened, we checked it and I was about to tell you about it, but some kind of creatures came out of it. They can fly, and they're really fast, currently they're making their way to the Wonderbolt stadium, I'd evacuate, but that'd take so much time, so go over to the stadium and prove you're worth the bits.

Hurry now, princess Celestia."

"Oh fuck me!" He quickly got his gear on and bolted out of the door, running to the stadium as fast as he could.
> Chapter 4
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eli was running, and running as fast as he could, he passed numerous ponies and bolted down streets in seconds. Until he got to the Wonderbolt stadium, it looked more like a Colosseum than anything.

Same kind of style, except with clouds, "Good, not too late." He bolted up to the entrance, there was a crowd of ponies trying to get in, he had no trouble picking up ponies and throwing them to the side, lives depended on it. After a couple ponies flew, the rest got the message and stepped out of the way.

A security guard stopped him and asked.

"Pass, or no entry."

"Really? Fine here's your fucking pass." He handed the scroll from the princess.

The guard read it for a second before saying, "Okay you can go on, we'll try to get these ponies away from here."

"Good stallion." Eli ran passed the guard and ran down a long corridor.

It was a grand entrance that lead right to the bottom ground with everypony above cheering for the Wonderbolts. It was super high, but he looked around trying to find the creature, there were many creatures that fit her description.

Suddenly he heard an announcer shout.

"You've waited long enough, here they are!" The whole crowd cheered so loud Eli covered his ears, at this point he was just in the ring.

He saw five Wonderbolts fly out of holes in the stadium and fly up with trails from behind them, "Wow, I need the name of those beans." He saw Soarin, and Rainbow Dash floating on the left, with Fleetfoot and Thunderlane on the far right with Spitfire right in the middle. "This will get ugly, I can tell already."

Spitfire looked right at him with a very confused look, until a giant bird creature bigger than any known animal on Earth flew through the cloud ground, it flew up really fast, Rainbow dash, Soarin, Fleetfoot, and Thunderlane flew out of the way. But Spitfire was right above it and she had no time to fly, it swallowed her whole with a loud gulp.

"Aw fuck, it's one of those, I hate these fucking things." 


(Author note: Yes it's from Resident evil, couldn't find anything better, fyi the last Resident Evil movie was just, meh)

Everypony was freaking out, running around, screaming, and the giant creature was chomping at random ponies, it wasn't getting them, but Eli yelled.

"Hey bitch! Down here!" It looked right at him, "Come and get it bird brain!" It screeched really loudly and flew right at Eli, just as it was about to get it's mouth around him Eli jumped to the left and got on it's long neck, he got on top and pulled the head to go up.

It flew up with it, Eli slid down to it's underside and got right to the gut, and shouted, "Spitfire! I'm getting you!" He took out a survival knife and stabbed it. The blade went through causing the bird the screech out in pain, Eli didn't care though.

He grabbed onto a scale and kept stabbing, making an incision, he put the knife up and grabbed the partly opened flesh and pulled, it opened up spewing a bit of yellow blood on his face, "And I thought these things smelled back deep breath on the outside."

He shoved his hand in and felt around, he felt something made out of spandex out of all the liquid and pulled, it took some work, but he saw Spitfire's leg.

He shouted, "Come on! I'm not losing anyone else today!" He pulled out her lower body, but the bird took a swing down to try and get some ponies, "Aw hell nah!" He took the knife and he cut right under the joint that connects the wing to the body, the waist is pretty small.

It screeched out in pain and flew back up, barely missing the ponies.

He got back to Spitfire, he gave one final big pull and the rest of her came out, she was breathing very heavily, and her suit had started to burn away, any longer and she would've been gone. But her zipper was down, her torso and her region were showing, and that wasn't from acid, Eli saw it, but he decided to ask about it later.

"Hang on to me!" Shouted Eli, she got on his back and held her hoofs around his neck, holding for dear life.

He pulled himself back onto the bird's back, and crawled to the head, it moved a lot, making it difficult to hang on, but thanks to the numerous spikes and blades on his metal fists, Eli stayed on.

It screeched out, Eli got his legs around it's lower head and grabbed one of the front horns, he took his right hand and just started to repeatedly punch it's head.

He shouted, "This's for my people you fucker!" He broke through the rough skin and was working on it's skull. It flipped over trying to lose him, but Eli just hung on and kept punching, "Asshole!" All the while spitfire was just holding on to him, not wanting to die.

He felt his fist go through the skull and sink into it's brain, it gave out on final screech before it started to fall out of the sky, it was way outside of Cloudsdale and right towards an empty field, "Hold on!" Was All Eli could shout before the horn he was holding broke, making Eli and Spitfire fall off.

She let go and they were just falling, Spitfire was in a panic and didn't know what to do, Eli folded his arms in and dove for the falling pegasus.

He opened his hands up and grabbed her, he held her tight and put his back towards the ground, not moments later they hit the ground, Eli bounced up with a loud crack, he bounced around rolling, but he never loosened his grip on Spitfire.

He rolled over one last time before he laid on his back, he loosened his lock on Spitfire and just let the arms drop. She looked up and saw that they were on ground, but she looked more closely at Eli, his welders mask covering his face, she pulled it off showing his bleeding face.

He was about passed out, she tapped his shoulder, getting his head to move and for him to mumble, "I got you Theo." He grabbed her barrel and just completely passed out.

Spitfire got off and looked up, Canterlot wasn't to far away, so she opened her wings up and flew back to the city.

Numerous hours later Eli started to regain consciousness again, he looked around and saw that he was in a hospital, but from the walls he could tell that he was in Canterlot. He looked around the room to find no pony around, not even a nurse, he slowly got up with a massive groan.

"What the fuck happened?" He had no wires, but he was just in underwear and bandages were around his waist, a cast on his left arm, and his back ached. He got out of the bed.

He stumbled out of the medical wing and got in a hallway, two guards saw him struggle and one of them asked, "You need help?"

"I'm fine, but where's Spitfire?"

"She's with the princesses."

"Okay, where's the princesses?"

"At the throne room."

"Thanks, I can find the way, I know this place by now." He limped his way right and the guard said.

"Throne room's left."

"Ah, thanks." He limped right passed the guards and walked off.

"How to fuck did one of those things get here? And how many got through?" He wondered, "I feel worse than my Sunday mornings, hope I don't throw up." He said out loud.

He stepped right in front of the oversized door to the throne room. He breathed in and listened, there wasn't much talking, maybe three ponies.

He opened the door to two guards in a weird model position and the third with a camera, they all just stared at Eli, as he did as well, "I'm not gonna ask nor tell the princesses what's going on, but just tell me where the fuck Spitfire is?"

The guard holding the camera said, "Um, dining room."

"Thanks, and if they aren't there I'm gonna shove my metal fist up all your asses!" He walked away leaving the guards scared, and in wonder, one asked.

"How big is his fist?"

Eli barely made it to the dining room, but right at the door he felt an intense pain in his spine, he grunted and fell on one of the walls, he sat in pain, barely able to speak, and there weren't any guards around to help.

He said, "Pain is just... Weakness leaving the body." He slowly got back up, and in the most amount pain he's felt in awhile.

But once he got up he turned the corner and saw Shining Armor and Cadence, nervously talking, they looked at Eli and smiled.

He limped over to them and asked, "What happened, I thought I was dead, please tell me I am."

"Well, no, after you fought the creature a couple guards flew you back to Canterlot and we barely managed to stabilize you, without the magic you're spine would be shattered, your arms would be gone, and there would have been a lot of brain damage, you're lucky." Said Shining Armor.

"I don't feel lucky right now, but where's Spitfire, I need to know if she's okay."

Cadence replied, "Well, I think she's at the bar."

"Of course shes at the bar, that's where I'd be if I was just ingested by a mutant bird then cut out along with falling very high next to something that looks like it should be killing her rather than saving her."

"Sure, I guess you can see it that way, but what was that thing?" Asked Cadence.

"I'll explain later, I need to know if I was too late." He started to run, but with a limp he didn't go that much faster. 

He reached the bar about ten minutes later, he was getting thirsty from all the walking, "I swear if she's not here, I'm killing the nearest pony."

He entered the bar and saw Spitfire in a booth near the back, she was alone with a glass of wine, "Wouldn't take her as a wine drinker."

He walked over to her, she didn't look up and didn't hear him walk up, he asked, "Is this booth taken?" She looked at him and her eyes widened.

"You're alright, thank Celestia." Eli sat across from her, "What was that thing?"

He sighed, "It was a Flyer, a giant winged creature, it's claim to fame was the fact it made any aircraft we had useless. It's super fast, in the air, and really big, the opposite of an on the ground close up brawler such as myself. So very deadly, but luckily they like to stay away from others of their kind so there shouldn't be anymore."

"Well, that's good, but... it literally ate me, I felt the acids an everything, I was almost gone." Eli decided to go to her side and hugged her.

"I know, first time you realize how close you were to death can be very stressful, but I've gone through it as well, don't focus on how close you were, but how you survived. Trust me, after a bit you won't feel much about it, just a shiver."

She looked up at him, "I guess that's true, but still, I-" She was cut short with him running his fingers through her mane, "What're you doing?"

"Petting your mane, I heard that it soothes ponies when they're stressed."

"Alright." She closed her eyes and just accepted it, there was no pony in the whole bar, so it was just them and the bartender who tried to ignore them, being respectful if you will.

Spitfire looked up and Eli and said, "Y-you saved me. You risked your life to rescue me, why?"

He looked down and replied, "Because I'm not losing anymore of my friends nor family to those fuckers, they took my whole species, my friends, family, my home. Seven billion people gone, people I hardly knew, and those I would have meet if not for the, you know. I'm not gonna lose anyone else, not while I stand."

"That's sad, losing your whole race, I almost forgot that all of you humans are almost extinct."

"Ya, sigh, they are." The bartender floated a glass of bourbon to Eli, Eli nodded and the bartender got back to cleaning glasses. Eli wasn't in the mood to get hammered, but one or two glasses wouldn't hurt, so he took a sip and set the glass down.

Spitfire moved back a bit, not in disgust, but out of the hug, "Thanks, that was nice."

"Anything for a friend." He got up and while his back was turned Spitfire looked sad by his response, but once he sat back across from her she faked a smile.

"So, besides your dog, what family did you have?"

"Wow, that's a personal question, but I'll answer it. I had my parents,  grandma and Grandpa, both on my father's side. He showed me how to fire a riffle, without him I don't think I would be alive today. 

And my Dad used to be military so I learned many ways to survive, he never wanted me to be an officer in the forces. But should something happen, I have the tools I need.

I loved to run a business and I hate the military, but I love to talk and help soldiers."

"Wait, you hate military, but help the military?"

"No, I help those who went overseas and died to keep our assets protected, I help the vets, and those people are honorable, mostly. But I hate the military, all I and most people wanted was peace, but now, they're all at peace sadly."

"Wow, but you had no brothers, sisters?"

"Nope, only child, you?"

"Same."

"Cool." Eli slammed the rest of the bourbon and set the glass down, another glass floated towards Eli, he grabbed it and waved thanks to the bartender.

"Well, I hope that's the last thing to invade Equestria, well from Earth anyway."

"Heh, I hear that." They spent the night lightly drinking and just shooting the breeze.

The next morning Eli barely opened his eyes to see four yellow hoofs walking on top of his chest, "Spitfire? What time is it?"

She replied, "About seven in the morning."

"Wow, that's early, five more minutes." Spitfire walked away and he heard the door close. 

He slowly rose off the ground and figured out that he was in the same guest room he was in the night he got his job.

Eli stood up and stretched, no pops, but he straightened up and walked out of the room, a guard was right outside the room, Eli said.

"That was a good five minutes."

The guard replied, "More like an hour, and I'm sorry, but this needs your attention. Another portal opened up and some creatures came out, they were fully covered, with the same kinds of weapons you have."

"Great, bandits, that's all we need."

"Well, they want to talk peace, and they seemed docile, but they're a bit trigger happy, so we can't really get to close. Maybe you could soften the tension?"

"So kill them?"

"Not so loud, but probably, they're at the throne room."

"Really, a portal's there?"

"Yup."

Eli took a deep breath and asked, "So where's my armor?"

A few minutes later Eli had his entire set of armor on, he walked right in front of the throne room door.

He took a deep breath and kicked the door open, he saw two humans, they were decked out in full gear, nothing could be seen, the suits were brown and they wore gas masks.

Eli looked a bit farther to see Celestia and Luna talking with a third. Spitfire was kind of off to the side, she didn't look that scared, but still nervous.

They turned around with their guns ready, but they lowed their weapons upon the realization that there's another human. Eli kept his Uzi ready, he was ready to fire at the drop of a pin.

"Okay who the fuck are you all, and why the fuck are you all here?!" Eli shouted, the one closest to the princesses turned around, that one had a green mask compared to the other black gas masks.

It walked shortly past the other bandits, she said in a tomboy voice, "Elius? Is that you?"

"How the fuck do you know my name?" She took off the gas mask letting her long black hair flop down to her chest, she was of Asian decent with brown eyes. She also had a small scar under her lower jaw, but just above her throat.

"It's me, Rue." Eli dropped his Uzi and threw off his welders mask, her eyes widened as did his. They ran at each other and collided in a big hug.

"It's so good to see you, I thought you were dead."

Rue replied, "I thought that too. I'm so happy you survived." They let off each other, the rest of the humans and ponies just stared in wonder.

Celestia asked, "You know this human Eli?"

"Of course I do, she's my oldest, and now my last living human friend."

One of the bandits asked, "So, do we shoot, or not, or what ma'am?"

"No, we won't shoot first, and now that we know this planet can support us, let's chat."

For the next two hours Rue, Celestia, and Luna chatted on and on about where Rue's people would live. And decided next to the crystal mines, turns out Rue's people have been stuck underground since the beginning, Eli informed her what happened on the surface.

Rue had over two hundred people all hungry, tired, and dehydrated, Celestia and Luna agreed with the mines and they shook on it, to celebrate Rue, Eli, and Spitfire were in the small  bar just around the barracks.

Eli and Spitfire were sitting next to each other while Rue had a whole side to herself.

"So, how did you two meet?" Asked Spitfire.

Eli replied, "Well, I was being picked on by a second grader and she literally jumped on his back and bit him, they left us alone and we became best friends. We were even neighbors back before the outbreak."

"Ya, it was fun being next to him, Theo was always so playful I loved having him over."

"Ah, his dog." Rue looked at Eli who gave her a nod.

"Yup, his dog, cutest... Puppy ever, nicer than any dog I ever meet."

Eli said, "Well, did Anna survive?"

"Oh ya, she barely made it the first month, but she got over her fear of being underground under control. And she should be here, what's keeping her?"

Spitfire asked, "Your friend?"

"No, my wife." Spitfire blinked a couple times.

"Sorry for assuming."

"Bah, no big deal, people make to big of a deal when they assume Anna and I are just friends. It's okay."

Spitfire sat back, comforted by Rue's response, Spitfire said, "Excuse me, I need to go." She flew over Eli and to the bathroom.

"So, where's Theo?"

Eli took a deep sigh and replied, "He's dead."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, what happened?"

"Well, we ran into a store, we separated with me trying to get all the zombies to follow me, but I heard him scream and I hauled ass. When I finished off the zombies Theo came out of the changing room and fell into my arms, he was bit."

Rue gasped, "No, not Theo."

"Ya, it hurt a lot, and since then I've just... Survived." Eli's head hit the table with him crying.

Rue placed her hand on his shoulder, "I'm so sorry, that's horrible, you two didn't deserve that. He was too good of a kid, and you were to much of a gentleman."

"I'm a bit better, I only have nightmares about six times a week and I have a drinking problem, but don't tell Spitfire, I'm not ready I want to make sure she's my friend first, I don't need her to pity me into friendship."

"I get it, I'll stay quiet about it." Spitfire flew back over to see Eli with a post tear filled face.

"What happened?"

"Well, we caught up on some... Personal things, things that only we need to know." Said Rue.

Spitfire was about to sit down, but Eli got up and said, "I'm gonna go find Anna, this castle is easy to get lost in, trust me on that."

"I'll take your word for it." Replied Rue, Eli walked out of the bar and Spitfire sat right across from Rue, "I know you want more."

"Pardon me?" Asked Spitfire.

"I know you want something from him, now how did he save you? I need to know."

"Why?"

"To see if you should ask him out."

Spitfire blushed, "Well I.. Don't.... how'd you know?"

Rue chuckled, "It's the small things, I've seen it happen a lot, but let me help you. It's what I used to be."

"What were you?" Asked Spitfire.

"I was a matchmaker, and a really good one too, every person I set up ended up marrying each other, now how long said marriages were, I don't wanna say."

Spitfire's eyes darted around the bar before she said, "You know about flyers right?"

"Oh god I hate those, even worse for brawlers like Eli."

"Well, it... Ate me and right before I was, gone. He cut me out and while falling he took the impact saving my life twice."

"But, you're a pagasus, can't you fly?"

"Well, I was panicking, for Celestia's sake I was almost digested."

Rue raised her arms, "Whoa, no need to get defensive, just wanted to know, now how far up would you say you two were?"

"About the peak of Canterlot."

"Damn, how'd he survive that kind of fall?"

"Magic helped him heal, but his lower half was basically destroyed and a cast on his left arm, but that was just a procaution. So what do you think?"

"Hmm, magic can do that much? Damn, I need to gets me some magic. But after the battle did he day you were a good friend?"

"Yup." Sigh sighed.

"Well then you're in luck, he would be very open to a relationship." Spitfire raised her head, "He only says that because he's never been in a real relationship, Sapphire was her name, she was nothing more than a hot piece of ass. She was brutal to him, she didn't love him, she just used him.

They weren't jack shit so he doesn't know how to do this kind of thing, you need to ask him out he'll accept, and if you don't, I'll never hear the end of it. But after what happened to him, he needs something to love, and with Theo gone, he has no one to love, he's a shell of a man. I want my friend back, so when he gets back, ask him out. It's a slam dunk."

Spitfire blinked a couple of times, she took a large chug of cider and replied, "Thanks, I'll do that." 

Just as she finished Eli stepped with a girl wearing the same kind of outfit, except she was white with blonde hair, and green eyes. "Anna!"

"Rue." Anna said in a high voice, they ran in for a hug, and a quick kiss. Eli smiled.

"You two weren't apart that long, come on." Eli sat back down next to Spitfire.

Rue said, "We'll get some more drinks, be back in a second." She winked at Spitfire. As they were walking away Eli asked.

"Um, she never gets the drinks, nor does she pay for them. But whatever." Eli said as he gulped the rest of his ale.

Spitfire asked, "Hey Eli, I need to ask you something."

"Sure, what is it?"

"When we get back, how about we go out for di-" Spitfire was cut off by Rue shouting.

"What do you mean you don't serve that?!"

"Oh shit, she's about to beat up the barkeep, be right back." Eli quickly got up and ran to the situation leaving Spitfire a little upset.

Eli dealt with the situation, the bar ran out of oranges, which Rue loved, so Eli had to drag her back to the table, after some time amd a lot of drinking. Eli and Rue were shitfaced, while Anna and Spitfire were moderately sober.

Eli said, "So, have you softened up since last we met?"

Rue replied, "Aw fuck no, I've only become stronger Brap, tasted as good going up as did going down."

"Prove it." They stood up and Eli let Rue punch him in the gut, he stumbled back a bit, "Not bad, here we go." Eli threw a punch right into Rue's gut, she stumbled back a bit too.

"Oh you're dead." They started to get into a major fight, Spitfire was about to stop it, but Anna held her arm up and said.

"Don't, with these two, when they're drunk ether they're hugging each other and calling each other their best friends, or this. It'll be over soon, trust me, we got kicked out of many bars back in those days."

"Well, alright, but should we cut them off?"

"Of course. Now I gotta ask, did you get the chance to ask him out?"

Spitfire blushed, "How'd you know? Rue?"

"Yep."

"Alright then, I sadly didn't, just as I was asking Rue got into a fight with the bartender."

"Oh, she actually didn't mean to do that, she meant to give you two all the time she could give, not the other way around, sorry."

"Phht, it's all good, I'll just ask him tomorrow after he takes a shower."

"That sounds like a-" Rue interjected.

"Burping challenge."

"Bring it on!" Shouted Eli, Rue got off of Eli letting him move his legs again.

Anna said, "This gets pretty loud, hold on."

Eli counted down, "3.. 2.. 1.. Burp!"

"BRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!" She shuffled a bit. "Top that bitch."

"Just watch." Replied Eli, Rue counted.

"3... 2... 1... Belch!"

"BBBBRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!" Rue was actually pushed back a bit from the sheer sound of it. "I think I'm gonna throw up...... False alarm."

Rue replied, "Someday, I'll burp louder than the hometown champion, someday."

"Hey, you pinned me in a fight, so it's tied."

"Fair enough."

Spitfire whispered to Anna. "I think it's time to get them into bed."

"Agreed." Replied Anna, "Hey Rue, come with me and we'll have some real fun." She teased with pulling down the top zipper showing a bit of tit.

Rue replied, "Well it's been fun, but I'm not passing up on that."

"Wouldn't expect you to, I'll see you soon I hope."

"So long bro." Anna helped Rue out of the bar, Eli sat across from Spitfire and said.

"I needed that, now how about a nice nap." Eli's head banged on the table and he started to snore.

"Aw great, he passed out." Said Spitfire.

With the help of three guards she barely got him up to bed, he laid on the floor with a blanket over him, he said in his sleep. "More pancakes Theo?"

Spitfire wanted to ask, but he was to far gone, so she left him to his beer ridden rest.
> Chapter 5 part 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eli woke up like he usually does, with a heavy hangover, and on the floor, "Never again." He slowly sat up and chuckled, "Ya right." He stood up and wobbled a bit.

He walked out of his room to see a guard standing right in front, "Not this shit again, I'm to hungover."

"This isn't anything to do with fighting, I was told to inform you Spitfire went back to Cloudsdale and Rue went off with her people to the crystal mines. And miss Rarity sent over the clothes Celestia ordered."

"Oh, thanks.... Wait she got me clothes?"

"She did."

"Lousy Christmas gift. But great right now."

The guard asked, "Christmas?"

"Sorry, human hearts warming eve."

"Ah, hehe, that's funny." Eli walked away with the guard still snickering.

"It wasn't that funny dude." Eli took a quick shower and promptly threw up in the toilet, I'll spare you all with the details. He put on a solid gray short sleeve shirt and more camo pants. 

He was quite pleased with the outfit, but when he got back to his room to pick up his stuff, there was a letter on the bed with a yellow feather. He picked it up and read it.

"Dear Eli, I meant to ask you last night, but you were to drunk. But I would like to ask you out for dinner tonight. Just the two of us. Around seven, if you'd rather not I'd understand, but I hope you come.

Spitfire." He just stared at the paper, unsure what to do, say, or really anything.

"I-I." Was all he could say.

After a minute to process the invite, he folded the paper up and placed it in his pocket, he was about to leave until he saw the feather, "Why the feather?" He picked up the feather and carefully put in into his backpack, he had questions that needed answers.

He got to the dining room, he knocked on the door and it opened, it was Celestia eating an adorable looking stack on pancakes. Eli just stared at those pancakes with pure amazement, until.

"What do you need Eli?" He snapped out of it and walked to Celestia and took a seat next to her.

"Something happened, something I need some help with."

"What happened Eli?"

"Well, Spitfire left me a note basically asking me out tonight, and the part I'm confused about is why she left a feather? Was it just to say it was her, or something else?"

Celestia cleared her throat, "It's how pegasi court other ponies, it's just saying she really wants you to agree. If not I think it'll hurt her. But are you wanting a relationship?"

"Well, I never had one before, for a couple months I helped a bitch with her carrying my son, but that was it. So, I guess I wouldn't mind someone to be with, I am kinda lonely."

"Then go for it, but you can't wear that."

"Well, how about a suit? But I don't know who to talk to about a suit for someone like myself. Do you know anyone?"

"Well, I think Rarity's at her boutique, and I know she'd take a job from a human. And just so you can get the suit today, I'll order it, you just need to be there."

"Alright, I can do that, thank you so much, I'll pay for it, I just wanna look good, and I even have a picture of me in a suit for job interviews, so I can show her the general style."

"Excellent, now off you go, it's not gonna make itself." Eli quickly got out and to the boutique.

He was speed walking all the way, it only took about fifteen minutes, but he made it. He entered the boutique, he was greeted by Sassy Saddles, she stared at him for a minute, adjusting to him.

"Um, welcome to the Canterlot boutique, I can assume you're Eli, for a rush from the princess herself?"

"Correct."

"Well, right this way please." Sassy led him to the back, Rarity was there waiting, once she saw him she asked.

"So this's what a human looks like? I'm impressed. Where's my manners, I'm Rarity."

"Apologies as well, I'm Elius Korben, or just Eli."

"Thank you Sassy, I'll take care of him from here." She nodded and walked out, "Now, I need to see you're body, take off the cloths until the underwear, which I assume you have on?"

"Well, alright, I'm looking for a nice suit, I have a couple pictures of me in a suit back on Earth when I applied for jobs."

"Excellent, that'll help immensely." Eli slipped out of his backpack and he took off all of his clothes except for his white underwear. He grabbed a small box and looked around for a couple pictures, once he found them he handed them to Rarity. "Thanks darling... I see... I know what to do. just let me get some measurements and I'll get started."

"Alright." He stood on a small table like thing and let her measure him.

"I couldn't help, but I saw a picture with you and a child, mind telling me about him?"

"Aw fuck, of course I gave you one of his pics. Well I know you'll just keep asking me, so. He's my son."

She looked at him with pretty wide eyes. "Wow, okay, so where's his mother?"

"Dead, and good thing to, she was just a bitch I banged in high school because she had the finest body I've ever seen. Our protection broke and later she had Theo, the kid. We sued the company and got quite a wad of cash, she used it on her, I got a house, car, and an education.

Everything was perfect."

"It sounds lovely, so I take it he's out there?" He closed his eyes and balled up his fists, she saw his face, "Oh my, I-I'm so sorry."

"Thanks, now do you have the measurements?"

"Yes I do, just give me a couple hours to work on it, and I'm truly sorry for bringing that up."

Eli nodded and got his clothes back on, he was about to leave when he said, "Don't worry, no hard feelings, it was just a question." He walked out with her feeling a bit better.

Suddenly a scroll popped in front of Eli, "Oh great, what now?" He unrolled it and it read.

"Dear Eli, another portal opened up near Manehattan, and the creatures you described as zombies started to come though, there's like fifty of them, maybe more, I need you to kill them before they get to that city. I'm trying to hold them off, but my shield won't last long. I'm sending a chariot.

From your boss."

"Now she's just my boss? Damn, well, I got some time to kill, why the fuck not?" He was about to run to the castle, but Luna teleported in front of Eli, making him jump.

"Sorry Eli, but this needs to be done now, no time for a chariot, get that armor on and let's go!" Eli nodded and quickly slipped on the armor, he was still in the boutique with Sassy Saddles just watching the whole thing.

"Alright, ready princess, let's kick some rotting ass." Luna enveloped them in a blue aura and poof, they were gone.

At the large field in front of Manehattan borders, there were several tents with guards ready to fight, and Celestia at the end trying to close the portal, but she was too far, and too many zombies.

Eli popped in next to her, Luna ran and started to blast zombies with her magic. "Let me at em, I'm ready." Said Eli, she looked at him and his eyes showed something... Crazy, like he went psycho.

"Very well, go, I'll follow and try to close the portal when I can."

Eli jumped off the small ledge and got right next to the shield, he yelled, "Witness me princess! Witness!" He threw a punch at the closest zombie, the punch went right to it's face, it basically evaporated from the force of the punch, he just started punching every zombie he could.

There were about fifty of them, "Grenade!" Eli shouted throwing one, it blew up a nice circle, he jumped right in and grabbed his Uzi, he sprayed around in a circle killing about twenty or so.

When it ran out of ammo he dropped it and just went over to the largest group of zombies and punched each one, their flesh was rotting so it was like punching through paper, Eli was wrecking them, it was a brutal slaughter, "Is that all ya got fuckers!"

He heard a loud roar and looked out, there was a giant zombie, about twelve foot with huge arms, "Oh shit charger! Luna shoot that bitch!"

She did so, but it barely burned the huge hulk, Eli smashed through the line of zombies and jumped on the charger's chest, he climbed up thanks to the sharp objects on his fists, the charger tried to swing him off, but it was futile.

Eli got to his head and just punched it right in it's blind eye. It screamed out as it fell, Eli jumped off and rolled, he jumped back on his feet to see the charger fall dead.

"Boom bitch!" He shouted, he heard Celestia shout.

"I got the portal, get the rest!"

"Yes ma'am! This one's for my mother!" He punched a zombie in the face, "For my father!" He punched another one in the face, "This one's for Theo!" Ya you get the idea.

He was down to the last one, it was a crawler, it was slowly crawling towards Eli, he just watched as this pathetic excuse for a zombie tries to get Eli, "Wait, I have an idea." The princesses were a bit confused, but Eli ran back to the small camp.

He came back moments later with a small rod, and a spear, they were very confused.

But Eli stopped the zombie by standing on it's back, he took the spear and shoved up what was left of the torso, it didn't come out, nor was the zombie dead, he took the smaller rod and shoved part of it into the crawler's right arm

He stood the spear up and just watched it slowly pierce the brain, it's head fell limp, Eli stopped the body and got behind it.

He grabbed the zombie's lower jaw, and the small rod.

He turned the zombie towards the princesses and move the zombie's mouth to his, "Hello, I'm mister Zombie Bastard, I love to crawl around and try to eat things, oh what a life it is, isn't it the great and oh so glorious Eli the zombie exterminator?

"Well stop now, I'm gonna blush, but you're being modest at best, how about talking with the princesses.

"Oh right, hello." 

Celestia asked. "What's wrong with you?"

"What isn't. But this, this's just a little fun, I mean come o, tell me this isn't funny." He made the zombie reply, "Of course it is, you're the funniest human here. And I'm just a dumb crawler.

Wait! Celestia do you have a camera?"

"Why?"

"So I can show Rue this, she'd love it, she loves stuff like this." Celestia rolled her eyes and teleported a camera in, she stood it right in front of Eli, he posed with the zombie and Celestia took the picture.

"I must ask, do I look fat in that picture?"

"Um, no, you still look... Well starved."

Luna asked, "So, do you have any bookings with that zombie body? Because I think it's hilarious!" She fell down laughing.

"Sister, it wasn't that funny, it's literally a corpse!"

Eli said, "Calm down Celestia." He made the zombie say, "I'm no body. He made me into somebody." Celestia gave the most deadpan face, "Why the long face Celestia?" Said the body.

Luna was on the ground trying not to wet herself, while Celestia said, "That's it, enough bad jokes." Her horn glowed and a red beam shot out of her horn. It hit the body evaporating it.

"What was that about?"

"Sorry, I was aiming for you. But like I asked, what's wrong with you?"

"Celestia, I lost everything back on Earth, and with that, a part of my mind went with it, now I don't care if say a dummy is made out of wood, or a zombie. I don't care, I want to, but that part died long ago."

Luna stopped laughing and stood up, dusting herself off, Celestia said, "Well, alright, but no more long face jokes, we hear way to many of those." She walked off, Luna got a bit closer to Eli and said.

"I don't know what kind of stick she has up her tail hole, but that was funny, oh and you need a shower before your date."

"Oh shit, I forgot! How long has it been?"

"Long enough, maybe half an hour."

"Good, enough time for a shower and to get my clothes, I need to be at the house by seven, and with a ride I should be there at about six thirty, plenty of time to change."

"Well, I'll teleport you back to Canterlot, but next time we see each other, bring that sense of comedy with you, I love dark humor." Her horn glowed and Eli was teleported to Canterlot, but more specifically right in front of the royal guard shower room.

He sighed when he heard water running, but he needed to take a shower, so he stripped down to nothing and wrapped a towel around his waist.

He entered the shower room to see three guards, all male, they were showering, luckily the shower head was in the ceiling so Eli didn't have to duck.

He took off the towel and set it to the side, he turned on the water and started to wash up. Eli poured some soap on his hand and he quickly washed his hair.

Then he washed his body and just savored the hot water washing away to zombie guts and the stress.

Eli finished up and dried off with his towel, he walked out and put on some clean clothes, more camo pants and a maroon short sleeve shirt.

"I love these shirts, I don't know why, but I do." He stepped out and headed to the boutique.

He looked at the time and found out he's fifteen minutes off schedule, so he hoofed it, pun intended.

When he reached the boutique he entered, Sassy Saddles was handling a couple customers, so Eli just walked to the back to pick up his suit.

He opened the door to see Rarity working, she had her glasses on, he knocked lightly. She looked over to him and said, "Oh good, you're here, I was worried you wouldn't be here today."

"Why?"

"Because of the Manehattan event."

"How'd you hear?"

"I know ponies, and might I say that puppet thing was just wrong."

He blushed, "I guess it was, but hey I'm dark, I'm great with dark humor, Luna was on the ground and she almost wet herself."

She giggled, "I don't doubt it, now your suit is over there, hope you don't mind, I didn't have anything long enough to hold it so I used a black trash bag."

He took it off the hanger, "I'm just glad to have a suit, I don't need the cover to be super nice, also what'd I owe you?"

"Nothing, Celestia covered it."

"Wow, okay thanks, have a good day."

"You too." Eli stepped out and walked to the exhibit room, he waved to Sassy Saddles before he headed out, she waved back with a warming smile.

He exited the shop and saw that there was a chariot ready to take him to Cloudsdale.

"Nice to see you again sir." Said one of the guards, he had a blue mane, and a brown body.

"Wow, I guess you two are my drivers. Neat."

"Quite." Eli stepped in and sat down, the guards took off in a flash.
> Chapter 5 part 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Damn, you two got fast."

"Well, I kind of wanna impress the Wonderbolts." Said the left guard.

"You all do, now did you two hear about Manehattan?"

Eli explained all the stuff he had to do, and the guards were very impressed. The conversation lasted just long enough for them to land in front of Spitfire's house.

"Wow, you live here?" Asked the right guard.

"Yup, later I think I can arrange a meet up if you want."

The left guard replied, "Thank you sir, we'd love that."

Eli stepped out and ended with, "Call me Eli, sir is just too formal." They nodded and flew off, Eli opened the door.

He didn't see Spitfire anywhere, he checked his watch and saw that he had thirty minutes, just like he anticipated. He checked the whole downstairs, but nothing.

So he went upstairs to see Spitfire's door closed with the light on, "She must be getting ready, better not bother her." He thought out loud. He entered his room and turned on the light, he looked around and saw nobody, so he closed the door and took off his clothes.

He was looking in the mirror and said, "Damn, I look good." He laid the trash bag on the bed frame and took out the suit, it was a nice solid black suit with a white undershirt, there were also pants, same style, but sadly there weren't shoes. "Well fuck."

He put the pants on, got his suit on, and saw a yellow tie, "How'd she know it was Spitfire?" He shrugged and tied it on, he didn't want to walk with his fighting boots, but in this case, he had no choice.

He strapped them on then tied the laces. He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled, "I truly look dashing." He looked at his pocket and saw some kind of clip, he looked in it and found a note.

"If you sport Spitfire's feather, it'll be a sign you want something more intimate. If not, no worries, it'll just go at a slower pace. Thought you should know.

Rarity." He shrugged and said out loud.

"I think I'm ready for intimate, I hope." He placed the stem of the feather in the tiny hole, he let the feather go and it just stood there, "How does that work?" He looked closer at it and saw it was just a small clip, it tightened around the feather, "Well, not everything's magic."

He walked out of his room and saw that Spitfire's door was still closed with the light on, he checked his watch and saw that he had five minutes. So he decided to knock on the door.

"Hey Spitfire, you in there?"

He heard her reply, "Ya, I'll be out in a minute."

"No rush, just wanted to make sure and not to assume." Eli walked away from the door and got down the stairs, he sat on the couch and pulled out his sack of bits, he thought, "How do these ponies hold all this money? This shit's heavy as hell."

He heard Spitfire's door open and close, he stood up and faced the stairs, he saw Spitfire come down.

Yes I got lazy, deal with it.


She looked at Eli with her deep orange eyes, but they fixated on his pocket, her eyes widened for a minute before going back to normal. Eli couldn't speak, true he was a bit of a weirdo on Earth, but this was different, he said.

"Wow... you look beautiful." She blushed.

"Thank you, you look very handsome as well, shall we go?"

"After you ma'lady."

"Aw stop, that's just a bit too formal." Spitfire flew up to about eye level with Eli and they exited the house.

It was just turning dusk, the clouds under them looked golden, they walked in almost complete silence, but Spitfire at times got really close to Eli, which made him both nervous, and happy.

They were in front of a very exclusive restaurant, it was two stories tall, the outside was built like a roman building, but it had bright red bricks with multiple windows, "Damn, you ponies know how to build awesome things."

"I guess so, it just takes so long to build."

"Preaching to the choir sister, I come from Texas, there it takes years to fix a road." She giggled and they went right in.
(It's true, they're so fucking slow!!!!)

The entry was nice and decently large, there were red booths on the side for ponies to wait for their tables. Inside was big, the wood was a nice mosaic pattern with wood walls, and a cloud ceiling, to the front was a large sitting area, and to the left was a decently large stage.

There were a couple ponies playing, there were many ponies close to the stage, basking in the nice soft latin music. Eli came back to reality when Spitfire bumped his arm. A mare flew over, she was wearing a nice sleek dress, with flowing brown mane and tail. She asked.

"Do you have a reservation?"

"We do, under Spitfire." She checked a small note pad on the counter.

"Ah, I have you right here, please follow me." They followed her across the room and to a flight of stairs, they were on the second floor, it was a strange mix of glass, and cloud for the floor, same deal with the walls and the ceiling.

There were a few tables around, but one had a sign with the name Spitfire on it.

They walked to the table, Eli tried to get Spitfire's chair, but she grabbed one and sat it next to Eli, he asked, "What?"

"Well, I wanna sit next to you, that's it."

"In that case, sweet!" He sat down, she followed suit and sat down in the pulled up chair, the waitress took out a notepad and asked.

"Can I get you two started with drinks?"

Spitfire said, "I'll take a margarita."

"I'll take a margarita as well, it sounds wonderful."

"Alright, they'll be coming right up." She flew off, there was a menu on the table, Eli opened up the menu and set it between the two, Eli asked.

"So why isn't there anyone else up here?"

"Because you have to know a pony who knows a pony to sit here."

"And who's your pony?"

"I'm captain of the Wonderbolts, I think I made the cut." He chuckled and continued looking at the menu.

The waitress came back with the drinks, she held the tray with her hoof, she set each drink in front of them and asked, "So, have you two decided on what to get?"

"I think we do, Spitfire?"

"I would like the eggplant parmesan."

The waitress jotted it down, "And for you sir?"

"I would like the lo mane, with fried rice."

"Good choice, I love the lo mane, I'll get those right out." She flew away and Spitfire turned towards Eli.

Spitfire didn't say anything, but instead she leaned in close to Eli, he pretended to stretch out and he moved his left arm over her, he used it and scratched her cheek, she gave a quiet coo. Eli had to ask.

"Do all mares act this way to someone they're on a date with?"

"Nope, I just wanted to, does that bother you?"

"Oh god no, I love it, it's just that women on my planet never acted like that, unless they're very drunk, and alone at a very trusted lover's place."

She looked at him surprised, "Really? Most ponies like to be close with their lovers, you humans seem weird."

"Ya, I'll agree to that, but you're still on a date with one." She shifted her body over his left leg, each of her legs were going off of his, and on the base was... You know.

She just kept snuggling, and he loved it more and more, "It's been too long since I've had anyone, or anypony I guess, wanting to be like this with me."

"I guess eight months will do that."

"Oh it's been more than that, I've only been with one girl, and she just wanted my answers for tests, one time we did it, and I had to stay with her for a horrible fucking year. She was the biggest bitch, I was so happy when I put a bullet into her zombie corpse."

Spitfire thought for a moment before speaking, "Well, that's disturbing that you felt that way, but it's comforting to know I don't have to worry about her."

"Oh she used to abuse me, to the point I had to hideout at my parent's house with a restraining order. I had no feelings for her shortly after that. No, I can already see that you'd never abuse me, nor would I you."

"Well, maybe I wouldn't mind in the bedroom." Before Eli could reply the waitress said.

"Ahem, sorry to disturb, but your food is ready."

"Right, sorry." Said Eli, she set each dish in front of them and replied.

"No need, I don't care, I'm not the one on a date." She flew away and down the stairs. And with that they dug in, there wasn't any conversation, but a little giggling, and about two more rounds of margaritas for each of them.

When they were finished they were nice and full, and with a decent buzz. Eli got the bill and gave a nice tip for the waitress.

Spitfire was looking over the edge at the band, they were still playing. "Wow, they really know how to keep at it."

Eli stood up, "You know what, I wanna dance with you, it's a good song, you're a beautiful mare, and I just want to."

"But there's no dance floor."

"Who cares." He wrapped his left arm around her barrel, she was flapping her wings to stay up, but he didn't worry, he grabbed her left hoof with his right hand and asked, "Shall we?"

She blushed, "I'd love to." And they did just a standard ballroom dance, he scooted in a square like pattern to slow music with Spitfire. He would open his eyes and see her with her head over his shoulder, in pure bliss. He thought.

"This's a stupid idea, she won't like it, but what the hell? I only live once, and probably not long." At the end of the song he bowed down, keeping her with him, they were in a very... Comfortable position, she was blushing very hard, he was a bit worried until she said.

"That was nice." He smiled and got off of her, she straightened up and they headed out.

The sun was set and the moon shown out in the sky with pure beauty, Eli loved the night, just so peaceful, tranquil, perfect for his night.

When they got back to the house Spitfire unlocked the door and they entered, Eli turned on the light and they proceeded up the stairs. They stopped in front of Spitfire's door, Eli held both of her hoofs, he said.

"I had an amazing night Spitfire, best I've had in a long time, thank you for allowing me to feel comfortable, and I was wondering if you would like to go out aga-" He was cut off by her pressing her lips against his, before he could act she pulled away.

She turned around blushing like a tomato, embarrassed, but Eli gently grabbed her front hoof, she turned back only for Eli to press his lips with hers, then they got into it, he wrapped his left arm around her barrel, and his right one on her head.

She was doing the same thing to him, Eli kicked the door open and proceeded in.
> Chapter 6
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eli slowly opened his eyes, he didn't feel a hangover, and he was in a bed, which surprised him, he was about to sit up, but he felt something furry, and warm laying against his body. He looked down and saw Spitfire laying on his chest. She wasn't snoring anymore, but just resting.

She was quite cute, and she still looked hot. Eli smiled, her mane was over a bit of her face, he used his right hand and brushed it over her ear. She stirred a bit, but never moved. Eli started to scoot her off, he gave light pushes, but after the fifth or so she rolled over and hugged one of the many pillows on the bed.

Eli quietly got up, he noticed he wasn't wearing anything, he tired to find his underwear, but found that it was in two, he frowned. He went over to his room and grabbed his one spare pair of underwear.

He came back to her room.

Eli took a quick glance around the room, it was a light blue, no surprise there. But there was a small writing desk in the right corner, a tall shelf next to it with various stuffed animals and books.

On the back wall was a nice big bed, a pretty massive amount of pillows with purple sheets. On each side of the bed were nightstands with lamps. To the left was a big glass case with trophies, and to the side of that was a cardboard box with... Toys in it. "Kinky, I like." Eli thought.

He was gonna wake Spitfire up, but decided against it. He exited her bedroom and went downstairs to the kitchen.

He put on a pot of coffee and made up a few pancakes, he said, "Hot, and fluffy, just like you. She'll like that, I think." He laughed a bit. Then he started to scramble some eggs, he threw in some hot sauce, cheese, and various other goodies.

Eli turned to the door and saw Spitfire flying in, she asked.

"There you are. Now we need to talk a bit, and what's this?"

"Just wanted to make a nice hot breakfast. My Dad told me that making a girl breakfast in the morning after sex was something she'll love. To this day I haven't forgot that."

"He sounded like a smart man."

"He was, he motivated me to go to college, got my degree and everything."

She sat down, "Sweet, Now last night was... Fast, but amazing, I've never had anypony like you in bed, it was so wonderful. But it was just a little bit too fast for me."

"Well, I can agree, I didn't think sex was going to happen, I just felt a lot of feelings after you kissed me."

She blushed and rubbed the back of her head, "Ya, and that feather just made it so much faster, but I don't think we need to rush this like that. Most stallions just want a quick fuck, but you. You want to be with me, and I think we should continue, but maybe hold on the sex for a little while, just until we get further along."

Eli nodded his head and replied, "I feel quite the same, there's just something about you that well, I want to know more, rather than just screw."

"I'm glad, but I have to ask. How did you do that with your tongue?"

"Well, that bitch did know a lot, so I learned, and some of the six girls I've been with have told me a bit when they were drunk."

Spitfire coughed a bit and asked, "Wait, how many girlfriends did you have? I thought it was just one?"

He calmly replied, "Six actually."

"Six?! You said you only had sex once."

"I didn't lie about that." She looked confused, "Remember when I said I was scared of showering with others because I was bullied so much?" She nodded, "Well, I was a straight A student, the work was never hard, but that means others will take advantage of that.

Missy in third grade, promised me a kiss, but never did, she got an A in the class because of me. Chel, sixth grade and seventh grade, copied my answers in over seven courses. Anna and Linda both bad... And Trudy, the craziest and biggest bitch of them all.

Two years, and one time we had sex, then she would beat me when I wouldn't give her all the answers and do her work. I'm still scared of her, took me therapy and a restraining order to get over her."

He turned off  the coffee and poured himself a cup, Spitfire replied, "That's horrible, even if we say broke up, I wouldn't treat you that way."

"I know, it's one of the reasons I agreed to the date." He walked over with two plates, both had small stacks on pancakes with eggs on the side, Eli poured Spitfire a cup of coffee and set it next to her.

Eli asked, "So, wanna take the day off and just hangout?"

"I can't, I pretty much used up my sick days, now I have to use them when I actually get sick."

"Then just tell them I'm holding you hostage." He said jokingly.

"I so wish I could. But there's a show tomorrow and we need to master the routine. Though after that show we have a two week period to relax."

"Well, I like that idea, so when do you need to leave?"

She looked at the clock and replied, "In about an hour, long enough to shower and get my gear on."

She took a nice shower, followed by Eli, and once that was done.

They plopped on the couch, Spitfire curled around Eli and basically hugged him, he wrapped his arms around her and asked, "I have a serious question."

"What is it, ask me anything."

"Why did you ask me out? What per say brought it on?"

She moved her head up and looked at him, she thought for a moment before replying, "I like you, you're funny, nice, and you saved my life twice in the mere days I've known you. But you just seemed different from everypony else. You just felt.. Right."

He scratched her ear giving a slight coo, "When I was on that date, I felt something too, something amazing. A mare who just wanted me for me, not my grades nor the fact I used to be a pushover."

She sighed and said, "Well, I need to get going, gotta go yell at my team."

"But I thought you loved that?"

"Ya, I do." She got up and flew next to the door, she said. "Bye." Eli waved as she flew away. Eli walked back to the couch and sat down, he took a nice deep breath in, and out.

But that didn't last long, a scroll popped in front of him, "Oh come on, I just want to have a slow day."

He unrolled it, it read.

"Dear Eli, no, nothing's endangering Equestria right now, but I wanna come over, I'm curious about how it went.

Celestia."

"Whew, thank god." He heard a knock at the door, "Wonder who that could be?" He asked sarcastically. Eli walked over to the door and opened it, Celestia was standing there with two guards next to her, "Hey boss, what's up?"

"Guards, stay out here." They nodded, "I'm just curious, how did it go last night?" They walked in and Celestia shut the door, they each sat in front of each other in the chairs.

"We had a nice dinner and a conversation."

She pouted a bit, "I was hoping for something more juicy."

"A gentleman never kisses and talks, though I did kiss a lot more than her mouth." He leaned back grinning.

"You're one lucky human, from being a person with nothing to live for and a major alcohol problem, to well, this." She gestured to his figure.

"Oh I still have all that, but I also have a marefriend now. Is that correct?" She nodded, "Good, ya, she's made me wanna live again, but honestly, I still don't have a problem dying. It just means I get to be with my son again."

"I understand, there's times I wanna see my friends, family, everypony I've lost over the years." She said with a frown.

He leaned towards her and asked, "How old are you?"

"Over a thousand years."

"Hold on." Eli got up and head into the kitchen, he came back with a glass of water. Eli sat down and drank it's contents, then proceeded to spit it, "What?! I thought you were only like thirty."

She blushed, "Thanks, but what was that about?"

"A spit take, I wanted to do one, but for that, I needed water." She rolled her eyes.

"Alright, well, was that a one night, or do you think it'll be a relationship?"

"I'm thinking relationship, that's what she seemed to really want. And what I want. Plus last night helped us figure out how we want to go."

She looked at the wall clock, "Sadly  I need to get back to Canterlot, I barely got this little chat in the books. I hate my job sometimes."

"I hear ya, business was a bitch back on Earth, more boring than you'd imagine."

"I doubt that, but good bye Eli, we need to do this more."

As she was getting up Eli quickly asked, "Um, I do have one question."

"Name it."

"A little while ago I saw a stallion with two mares, they all looked like they were.... Together, is that normal?"

"Of course it is, it's called herding, here we don't care about what you love, mare, stallions, one lover, two, three, etcetera. How's that weird?"

"Well, where I come from you can only marry one woman, or if you're a woman, one guy. Gays and lesbians were starting to be considered wrong, Rue and her wife had to keep their relationship a secret. And if you wanted to marry maybe two girls, and they were okay with it, it's technically legal. But everyone around you would hate you."

"That just sounds horrible, love should be free, but what kinds of examples do you have?" She asked

"Okay. One time I was at a college, my friend had two girlfriends at the time, and they were cool with it, but some girl came up to us and shouted at us. Saying shit like you are being sexist, women aren't tools, we aren't your slaves, fuck you for having a penis."

(Authors note: At my college, it feels a bit like that, I even got yelled at by a crazy chick at my gaming table, just for being guys and for playing card games outside of a comic shop. Ya, this shit happens, not this bad, but it does, wish I recorded it.)

"She said that?" Asked Celstia nervously.

"Well, no, not by her, but I did know some crazy chicks. Back to the story.

When they tried to help him she told the girls that they were being controlled and brainwashed. Which's bullshit, but we tried to walk away, but she just kept it up and didn't let us go. I calmly asked her to leave us alone or I'd call security for harassing us.

She kept doing it, when I called them she swung her purse and broke my nose, then kicked me while I was down, but they caught her a day later, turns out she was batshit crazy. So not all people are like that, but ya, love and sex is considered dirty on my planet and serves no purpose but to please Satan."

"Who's he?"

"You have tarterus, we have hell, he leads it, basically if you don't follow a stupid book you will go to hell and burn for all of eternity. And it works, I'm scared to even think about that."

Celestia rubber her leg, "Well you don't have to worry about that here, just enjoy yourself." She was walking out, before she left she said, "Oh ya, I heard that mares like to invite other mares to join them, just food for thought." Celestia walked out, he heard here teleport back to Canterlot.

"Wow, that was weird for sure." He sat back down on the couch, he closed his eyes and savored the moment. But it was literally a moment, another scroll popped in front of Eli, "Aw crap."

"Eli, bit problem, turns out a portal opened up near the crystal mines, you need to get over there, Shining Armor and Cadence will assist you. And the humans there are ready to fight if you need the help. Get over there now or your species might not survive.

Celestia. P.S. I'll inform Spitfire, don't worry about that."

"FUCK!" He got up and gathered his gear which took about ten minutes. But once he was ready there was a chariot waiting for him, the guard said.

"Get in, we're in a rush."

"Aren't we always in a rush?" Eli got in and they took off.
> Chapter 7
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

One of the guards said, "We'll be there in ten minutes."

"Awesome.... So since you two are kind of my drivers, what's your names?"

The left one was brown with a black mane, "Charger's the name."

The right one was white with a very light blue mane, both stallions, "And I'm Sheath."

"It's a pleasure, Eli." After the ten minutes passed, they were flying over the Crystal Empire, Eli was astounded, "You ponies can do a lot with magic, damn."

But a little ways away, in the ice cold mountains, was a large mine, in front were several tents and outlines of homes. Just a little ways away, about a few thousand feet was a pretty massive portal with zombies just pouring out. "Oh fuck me, that's like a couple hundred zombies, I'm so fucked."

The chariot began to make it's way down, Eli took off his bag and started to dig through it, Sheath asked, "What're you looking for?"

"Something that's gonna make this battle easier." He pulled out two cans of hair spray, and two lighters. He attached the lighters to a small hole in his gauntlets. Next he placed the cans right behind them, the gauntlets were pretty long and very massive, about twice the size of his hands.

He strapped them in with duck tape from his bag, next he took a kind of metal pole out of the gauntlets, it wasn't at all big, but he attached the ends to the cans of hairspray nozzles. Eli asked, "Would ether of you know where I can buy more hair spray?"

"Um, why?" Asked Charger.

"For the reason you'll see." Charger and Sheath looked at each other in worry.

The chariot landed and Eli jumped out, he saw a line of humans in the same kind of gear Rue wore, but without the gas masks. They had riffles line up, easily thirty men and women there.

Rue ran up to him and said, "Good to see you Eli, I wish we could chat, but there's a zombie horde on it's way and we can't stop it. Shining Armor and Cadence are running a bit late, but they'll be here in a second."

Eli replied, "Very well, now it's time to show you how I've survived over the months, it's do or die time."

"I'm coming with you, I have great skills in hand to skull combat and I'm an excellent marksman."

"Very well Rue."

"There will also be a squad who'll come with us, we need the extra fire."

Eli asked, "What about these people?"

"Just in case we fail."

He thought for a moment, "Sounds good to me, but we won't fail, we won't. Just don't shoot me and we'll be good." She nodded.

"Alright men get up there!" As she shouted six of her soldiers ran up, "Ready Ma'am!" They shouted. Eli got a look at them before turning to Rue and saying.

"They'll do, let's move out."

Rue shouted, "Let's go you apes!" Eli charged on with rue right behind her and the soldiers behind her.

They didn't need to go far, once they were within seven hundred feet they stopped, "Ready up!" Shouted Rue, they got in a nice spaced out line with their guns ready to shoot, "Alright Eli, do your thing."

"Oh ya." Eli walked up a ways, Rue just about twenty feet away from Eli, he just stopped, "Come at me you rotting fucks!" He got out an air horn and honked it.

All the zombies were running right up to him, he dropped the can and said, "Come on!" As they got about twenty feet away Eli pointed his fists to them and said, "Light the flames and throw on the dead!" He flipped his lighters on and with is thumb, he pushed a button, the spray cans started to spray, but the spray caught fire, from two fists, to two flame throwers.

When a zombie got hit with the fire they almost combusted, lot's of gasses in a corpse. Eli just started to walk towards them, clearing a path, each step he took killed about twenty or more zombies.

He smiled under the welders mask, he said, "Cleanse by fire!" They didn't stand a chance against Eli.

But when a couple of zombies broke off the group Rue pulled out her AK-47 and fired three shots killing the zombies. She started to clean house. Eli made a U-turn and headed back, killing more and more zombies. He looked over head to see Cadence flying above, going towards the portal.

By now Eli had killed over two hundred something of the zombies, just from the flames. But the flames started to die down, "Oh fuck!" He shouted, he started to run through the zombies, trying to get out of the pack before his flames wore out.

He barely made it through before there wasn't anything coming out of the cans. "Fuck! I'm out. Time to go full fist!" he ripped off the modifications and threw the lighters on the ground.

He brought his fists up, ready to punch, but from behind him he started to hear shots, turns out the solders were starting their attack, which was what he needed.

With each burst of shots fell a zombie. Eli started to run, he shouted, "For Theo!" He jumped up and threw his right arm at a zombie, it contacted the head and just turned the head into liquid, he turned and threw another punch, killing another, then another, then another.

With each punch another one died. He wasn't used to a horde, just a small gathering. But thanks to Rue and the other soldiers the zombies didn't swarm him, but stayed in a decent line.

He felt a small wave flow over him, Rue shouted, "What was that?"

Eli replied, "It was... The portal Eragh! Closing." He saw a bright beam of purple light hit the ground and just disentigrated each zombie it hit, "Nice one Cadence!" Eli shouted.

He saw her salute back to him, but with that distraction a zombie grabbed his arm and tried to bit, but Eli pulled out his desert eagle and shot the zombie, "Keep fighting!" Shouted Eli, Rue shouted.

"Running out, gonna fallback!"

"Same here."

"Out!" He heard two of the soldiers shout.

Eli shouted, "Fine! General fallback! Move!" Eli turned around and booked it, Rue was much faster than he was just from her lack of weight, Eli was carrying about thirty pounds just in his fists alone, that slows you down.

He saw Shining Armor stop a little ways back and he fired a big beam of purple magic, it narrowly avoided Eli and just blasted away numerous zombies.

Eli got right behind Shining Armor and said, "Thanks, I owe you."

Eli caught his breath for a minute, but he heard someone shout. "AAAHH!" He looked back and saw that a zombie jumped a guy, he had his neck bit and was slowly dying. Eli took out his eagle and pointed it at the zombie, he fired one shot pinning the zombie in the head, he fired another shot killing the man.

"What was that?!" Shouted Shining.

"If I didn't, he would turn in about five minutes, that's how it infects! Now keep killing!"

Shining Armor didn't like that, but he knew it was what Eli had to do, so he kept blasting. Cadence landed next to him, panting, "I'm not sure how much long I can do this, those beams take a lot of magic."

"Take a rest Cadence, I'm hopping back in." Eli said, he ran around Shining Armor and started to swing again, this time there were about a hundred zombies instead of a thousand.

Rue ran back to the fight, now filled with ammo, she started to pick off zombies again, but her troops were still getting ammo, Eli tried to move around and pick them off, but they were starting to swarm Eli, he pulled out a grenade and pulled the pin, he dropped it and ran, "Grenade!" He shouted.

Eli ducked just as it blew up, chunks of zombies flew through the air like birds, landing all over the place, that took out about twenty out of the fight.

Cadence was back up in the air zapping the ones veering off. Shining Armor and Rue were picking off the zombies who tried to swarm him, and Eli just took on the rest.

It was efficient, still, it took about ten more minutes before every zombie was barbecue. On the ground were burnt, beaten, and even liquid zombie remains.

Eli threw off his welders mask and got on his knees, he was exhausted, "Fucking finally! I hate zombies!" Rue placed her hand on his shoulder and said.

"Thanks, you've become quite the badass."

"Heh, thanks, and you've become a very skilled marksman."

"How sweet, Shining Armor and Cadence will handle the bodies, they're gonna burn them in a big pile."

"That's the right idea, best way to do it."

She darted around, "But we'll need to stay around and make sure nothing happens, you know how the bodies act."

"Ya, ya, ya. I'll stay, but the moment it's cleaned up I'm going home, I got a a nice mare waiting for me back home. And i don't want her to worry."

Rue gasped, "Congrats man, I honestly thought you'd die alone." She walked away, Eli felt good, and a bit hurt at the same time.

The clean up took about three hours, well into the evening. Eli took a shower at the crystal empire. He showered with his clothes on, but he left his gear to Shining Armor and Cadence's soldiers to clean.

Charger and Sheath flew him back to Cloudsdale, he barely dried off so the flight there was shivering. He could barely stay awake.

But when he flew over Cloudsdale and saw the house, he pepped up and said, "It's good to be home." Charger replied.

"Ya, it is."

Eli asked, "So, do ether of you have a family?"

They looked at each other, Sheath replied, "I have a steady marefriend, but that's it."

Charger replied, "I have a daughter, love her to death. Do you?"

"Used to have a son, but now... Not anymore."

"Sorry to hear." Asked Sheath.

"Thanks, I'm so happy to be here, a fresh start, fun job, beautiful marefriend, and friends. What more could a guy ask for?"

"We're here." Said Sheath, Eli got out and said.

"See you two later, probably tomorrow knowing this place."

They both chuckled, "See ya." Said Sheath. They flew off and back to Canterlot.

Eli got to the door and knocked, Spitfire yelled, "One minute!" He looked around, eyeing the pillars next to him, holding on to the small roof over the porch. All out of cloud.

He heard the door open and saw Spitfire, her mane was a mess and she had some bags under her eyes, but she still flew in for a hug, "Eli I'm so glad you're back. I thought I wasn't gonna see you until tomorrow."

"I almost had to, clean up was a bitch." She kissed him on the lips, "But now it was worth it." He entered the house and gently closed the door.
> Chapter 8
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eli was slowly waking up, he felt the soft mattress under him, but something felt off, he opened his eyes, and where a yellow pegasus should have been was gone, he looked to the side and saw a note.

"Sorry I had to leave, I was enjoying our cuddles, but the show will start soon and I need to be there ahead of time, will be back this evening, and for two weeks of snuggles.

Sincerely yours, Spitfire."

"Aw, glad she left the note." He sat up and saw that he was in her room, "Guess I'm living here now." He slid off the bed and saw he was still wearing underwear, and that they didn't do it last night, just cuddling.

Eli walked out of the room and into the shower. It was a nice warm shower, perfect to shake off a giant battle. Once he was done there he got dressed and headed downstairs, he entered the kitchen and prepared himself a couple eggs.

He looked to the eating area and saw that his bag was there, so he rummage through it and found the tiny, unknown box. He held it, it was tiny, about the size of his palm. It was wood with a kind of magical lock on it. "What the fuck is it?" He kept looking at the box, until he remember he had eggs cooking, "Oh shit!"

He ran over to the stove and got the eggs off, luckily they weren't burnt, just a bit crispy. Eli slid them onto a plate and sat down, he started eating as he stared at the box, wondering what was inside it.

He didn't get any answers, just more questions, he shouted, "What are you?!"

He heard an almost quiet moan say, "When you need it, the box will reveal it's purpose."

"What the fucking fuck does that god damn mean?!" He got no reply, he sat back and said, "Well played, alright I'll wait for fuck's sake." He shoved the box back into his bag and finished his eggs. He cleaned his plate and walked over to the couch. He sat down and closed his eyes. Meditating, just letting go of everything and being one with yourself.

That lasted for a good minute, until he saw a scroll pop in front of him, "Of fucking course."

He unrolled it, "Eli, there's nothing wrong, so no work for today, but Luna wants to ask you some questions, she'll be there in a little bit,
hope that isn't too soon. Fyi she's been relentless with me sending this letter, so whatever it is, let me know.

Celestia."

Eli heard the doorbell and got up, he opened the door and saw Luna standing there, she said.

"Hey Eli, can I come in?"

"Sure, Spitfire's at a show and I was getting bored, so what's up?" He closed the door, Luna took a seat on the couch and Eli took the right chair.

"Well, after the first time I saw your dream I couldn't help but worry. And I've been peaking in on you a couple nights, and it's always the same dream, you holding what I assumed to be Theo in your arms, it was tragic. Then I saw how you fought, head on with fists. And without fear of death. I'm worried about you, you seem like the dreams are getting worse and worse. What's going on?"

He lowered his face and wiped his face with his hands, "Losing one's child can be.... Tough to say the least. And with me dating Spitfire, I can't help but feel happy, but with the happiness I can't help but punish myself. I lost my child, I shouldn't be happy, and I'm not.

Well, I am happy, but I feel guilty, it's getting harder and harder, the only way I sleep is usually with an alcohol induced blackout. I can't help but wonder, what kind of life would I live where the outbreak happened, then Theo would be alive. I miss him so much, and no matter what you do, I can't be cured of this.

Please put me on a blacklist, let me loath in peace. I'll be okay, I no longer savor the taste of the gun against my throat."

She got up, "I'm sorry I brought it up, I just wanna help you, and I'm not sure how, most ponies don't lose their foals, hardly anypony dies here, well in terms of combat anyway."

"Luna, with something like this, you can't help me, you can just let me do what I'll do. Please, just thinking about it is making me cry." She saw tears falling from his cheek.

She walked over to him and wrapped her wing around him, "Luna, I wish you will never feel this pain, the pain of losing a child, your child. No one deserves it, and it's harder than you'd ever think. But with the pain I feel, I vowed to never let a zombie take a child from it's parents. And I've never broke a promise."

"Very well, but if you need to talk, my door's open, farewell Eli." She was about to leave, but she turned to him and said, "Oh ya, I almost forgot. Celestia's raising your paycheck to fifteen thousand bits instead of ten."

"Holy crap, that's nice, thanks." She nodded and left the house. Eli wiped away the tears and said, "You know what, fuck this, I'm getting a drink."

He went into the kitchen and got out a bottle of scotch, he bought it secretly, just in case something happens. He sat down on the couch and proceeded to drink.

He drunk about half the bottle before he decided to take a break, he had a decent buzz going on, he thought. "What should I do today?

Work out? Nah, go see Rue, maybe later. Jerk off? Nah, save it for tonight." He was stumped on what to do, he looked at the clock and saw that it was a little after noon. "I hope Celestia needs me to do something."

A scroll popped right in front of him, "Thank god." He quickly unrolled it.

"Dear Eli, I need you to come to Canterlot, now, something we need to discuss. I'm sending the chariot, hurry, but leave the armor, no combat for now.

Celestia."

"Alright, something to fucking do." Eli sprung up and grabbed his bottle of scotch, he ran out the door and saw the chariot, he hopped in and said.

"Let's go." They took off in a flash.

There wasn't much in terms of conversations in the chariot, but once Eli landed Luna was right in front of the castle, "Eli, this's something you need to hear."

Eli followed her in, past many, many hallways they got to the throne room, Luna opened the door and there was Celestia on her throne.

"Welcome back Eli, now to business, we investigated the portals for magical residue, and there was a lot. These portals aren't natural, they were made by somepony."

"Oh fuck, that's pretty big. But who?" Asked Eli.

"Can't say yet, but the magic wasn't it, the locations. Cloudsdale, home of our weather. Canterlot, where we live, Manehattan, a massive population. And even the crystal mines, next to the empire and new home to the humans.

Those are key locations for an invasion. But we still don't know who, nor where that pony is."

Eli thought for a moment, "Where's the last place you'd think to look?"

"Ponyville... The Crystal empire... I don't know. There's many locations."

"Fair enough, look, with things like these if you give it time, whatever's doing this will come out for a victory lap and a monologue that lasts forever. It's a classic system. So for now, keep sending me to fight, and soon, it'll come out to play."

"Very good words Eli, fair enough, for now, you keep protecting our lands, I'll keep my eye out for suspisious places."

"Done." Said Eli. "Alright, who wants a drink?"

"Sorry, but I got a meeting in a couple minutes." Said Celestia, Luna replied.

"I need to go back to bed, the night shift is very yawn long." She walked out and to her bedroom.

"Alright, see ya." Eli walked out and over to the small bar by the barracks. He walked in and saw that like usual, there was no pony there.

The bartender looked at him, the bartender was a purple stallion with a red and blue mane, and black eyes. He asked in a stern voice, "What can I getcha?"

"Hard cider." Eli sat at the bar and placed the three bits on the counter. The bartender brought him a decent size mug, he took out his wallet and just looked at the picture, the talk with Luna really messed him up.

The bartender asked, "What's troubling you sir?"

"Heh, sir's too formal for me, call me Eli."

The bartender shook his hand with his hoof and replied, "Brutus."

"Nice to meet you Brutus, well, I had a talk with Luna that kinda messed me up." He turned his wallet to Brutus.

"Who's that?" He pointed to the man holding Theo, he had long, long golden brown hair, a slight neck beard, and a big smile.

"That's me, and the kid's my son, Theo."

"Cute kid, needed a day from the family?"

A tear fell from his cheek, "Theo... died with the rest of his people."

Brutus looked at Eli for a second before replying, "Ouch, sorry. That's just downright horrible, if I lost my son... I probably wouldn't be around."

"The only thing that drove me was killing the fuckers that infected him. The zombies you hear about on the paper."

"Oh ya, I heard about Manehattan and Cloudsdale."

Eli finished off his cup, "And the crystal mines, probably tomorrow's paper."

"Damn, you're a hero." Brutus floated another mug to Eli, "On the house."

"Thanks." Brutus nodded, he went to the back for inventory.

Eli took a large gulp of his cider and just looked at the picture. He wiped off his tears and a smile grew on his face, he turned around and just looked at the empty bar, there was no pony on the seats, nothing was going on, just soft jazz music in the background.

Brutus came back with a couple bottles of wine, held by his magic. Brutus set the bottles under the bar and used his magic to grab a bar towel and he started to wipe down the bar.

"So, besides that dark memory, how do you like Equestria so far?"

Eli replied, "Can't complain, everything seems perfect, or at least a lot better than my planet, our politics were a mess, everyone just wanted to be rich and used that power to abuse the people, and even schools to get a little money. The first thing you need to know is that humans are greedy, some more than most others, I man I don't care to be rich, I just want enough to live.

But I guess most of the pain comes from my happiness."

Brutus asked, "How can you be sad about being happy?"

"Well, I'm turning my life around, protecting the land as a hero, a super hot marefriend, friends. But I feel guilty for loving that stuff, and yet, I don't have Theo there to enjoy it with me, and I feel horrible about it."

"Ouch man, I don't know what to say besides don't beat yourself up, say how much have you had to drink?"

"Half a bottle of scotch and two of these. I have a buzz, but no, I'm not drunk." He took a swig from the glass, "Yet."

Brutus levitated two shot glasses onto the table and filled them with Equestrian tequila, Eli placed the five bits for his drink, Brutus and Eli held their drinks.

"To your new life." They clinked glasses and gulped the shots, they shivered a bit, "Hope that helps, and hey, the pain goes down."

"How do you know?" Asked Eli.

"I've had a..... Complicated life, no need to talk about it."

"I hear ya Brutus."

"So, who's your marefriend?"

"Spitfire, of the Wonderbolts."

He looked at Eli for a second, "How did you get her?"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Ya, I'm not a tattletale."

"I saved her life from being digested by a giant bird, and saved her during our first encounter." His eyes were wide, and his mouth was wide open, "Let me get that." Eli closed Brutus's mouth.

"Damn, now that's impressive. Wish I could be human."

"No, no you don't."

"Why not?"

Eli replied in an almost to calm voice, "Because humanity pretty much died, seven and a half billion humans, now blood thirsty zombies with no soul, just husks."

"That... That's a good point actually. But what about the human colony I heard about?"

"Those people? Ha! You don't wanna be one of them. Take my friend Rue, she lost her whole family, her life, her home, all she had left is hope, and her wife. And the rest of them, they're just on the ride, all of them want to die, but the only thing keeping them going is the hope that we can recreate humanity.

But in reality, after generations of people we'll be right back to where we were, fighting one another, to the point we making something that destroys humanity again. So honestly, you don't wanna be human. History repeats itself, I don't have hope, I just wanna live my life until I die, that's it. That and drink a lot of beer."

"Wow man, that's deep, but honestly, if you know history, then you can keep it from happening again. Your future kids will probably learn from your mistakes and grow on that. That's something to live for. Right?" Asked Brutus.

"I guess, but right now, I honestly don't care if humanity survives, I just wanna kill everything I can and keep you ponies safe, I see you all and wonder, what's your secret to friendship? Whatever it is, we humans don't have it, but ya. Maybe we will grow back, stronger than we were before."

Brutus poured another glass, "That's how you think man." Eli drank the shot and replied.

"You know what? I might have to be a regular here."

"I hope you do, half a bottle of scotch, two shots of tequila, and two ciders and you're only buzzed."

"Ya, I'm not sure if that's a good thing for me, but good for business I'm sure." Brutus laughed.

They talked for about an hour, just bullshitting, though Brutus knew he would have to go home so he gave Eli regular cider, which Eli drank happily.

Eli left with a very nice buzz, and a better look on life. He took a chariot home, when he got there he knew Spitfire wouldn't be home for at least another few hours.

He looked at the kitchen and smirked, he ran in and he rummaged through his bag, until he found a small notebook with the title, 'Interesting things I found'. He flipped though until he got to a page with a recipe for a double chocolate cake, "Perfect."

For those two hours he ran to the store and got what he would need and started on the cake. Then he proceeded to whip up some spicy flat noodle soup. And no, not from the tasty treat, just couldn't think of anything else.

That took about an hour and a half, the food was ready, but the cake still needed some time, Eli looked in the shelves and found some apple cider, without alcohol. And found some with alcohol. "Perfect, I bet she'll need a drink."

He set the bottles on the table and got out two mugs, he set them across from one another, Eli said, "Good enough for three something hours." He looked at the clock and she should be there any minute.

Eli sat down and waited, and waited, and waited. He waited for over thirty minutes, wondering what happened, "Well, the food's cold, perfect."

A scroll popped in front of him, "Oh please don't let it be her, please god almighty, I beg of you."

He unrolled it. "Eli, something kind of.... Happened. There was another portal, and this one's in Canterlot, in the exact stadium the Wonderbolts were flying in, don't worry, no pony's hurt thankfully. And we contained the stadium, but it's not how many came out, it's what came out, some kind of acid spitting zombie, we can't get close and if we try to use magic they somehow reflects it. The chariot's waiting. Time to earn your paycheck.

Luna."

"I just wanted a slow two weeks of comfort, is that too much to ask for?!" The answer... Yes, yes it is.
> Chapter 9
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eli quickly got his gear on and ran out the door, the chariot was waiting just like Luna said. It was night so there were two bat ponies there, ready to take him to Canterlot, Eli hopped in and said, "Get me to the fight."

They nodded and Eli flew off.

The flight was incredibly quick, about ten minutes, Eli was quite impressed. He looked and saw a large crowd all around the stadium, very much like a roman Colosseum, but there were guards all around it along with the Wonderbolts, keeping everypony from coming in.

Eli landed on the other side of the street, he had to push through several ponies, he even threw one to the side, Eli had a mission to do. Spitfire saw him and flew to him, they hugged for a moment before Eli let off and said, "Happy to see you too, but right now we got a job to do, I need a report."

"Right, sorry. During an autograph session another portal opened up in the stadium, since no pony besides a couple staff were there, we got the ponies out, but we can't kill them, and the princess's magic doesn't work on those things."

"Really? Now that I didn't know. Well lead me in, I'll take care of them, though it will be a fight to say the least."

"Alright, right this way Eli." They got in front of the main door to the stadium, "We aren't sure how many there are, but last time we checked it was about five."

"Good, now I think these are spitters, they throw  up acid, it won't infect you, but it chew through flesh like it was butter to a warm knife. Stay away."

"I'll monitor the top, make sure no pony tried to sneak in to see the action."

"Done, but stay very high, they can spit very high and far." She nodded and flew off, he placed his gauntlets to the door and said, "Please let me live through this, I want to die in my late fifties with a heart full of meat. That's all I want."

He opened the door and walked into the ring, there was a small portal in the middle with many spitters around it. They had very pale skin, their arms were melded into their bodies, slits for eyes, and a big mouth full of teeth, dripping with acid, the mouth was burned from the acid runoff.

He looked up and saw Spitfire distracting them, they were spitting up, but it didn't get far enough in the sky, Eli shouted, "Hey bitches! Time for the pain!" He ran as fast as he could and raised his hand at the first spitter. It looked at him and growled. But it was pointless because Eli caved in it's face.

Two others nearby closed their mouth and their cheeks began to fill up, Eli saw that and pulled out his glock, he fired three shots into the left one, causing the head to explode in acid, and two shots into the right one, also causing it to explode.

He saw four others, ready to spit, he fired six shots into the far left one, it exploded, he emptied the clip into the far right one, that left two more to take care of. They both spat up a big flood of acid, Eli wasn't expecting it so soon, but he turned around and dropped his backpack, knowing he could take a burn, but he couldn't live without what was in that bag.

a large jet hit his back, melting the shirt and burning his back, he was shouting, "AAAHHHHHH!!" It took a second, but it stopped melting, he looked back and saw that his back was charred, "F-f-fuck." He struggled to get back on his feet, but the right one built up a smaller stream, it hit Eli's right shoulder, making him yell out again.

He got on one knee and struggled to stay up, he pulled out a grenade from his belt and pulled the pin, he threw it towards the portal and dropped on the ground.

He heard an explosion, he looked back, but the acid the spitters collected splashed on his legs, making him yell louder, he heard a beam of magic and heard the portal close.

He heard somepony land next to him, he turned himself to be face up and saw that it was Luna, she looked surprised by the state of him. All Eli could say was, "D-d-d-does my f-f-face look alrig-g-ght?"

"I'm gonna get you to the medical wing, don't worry, it's gonna be alright."

"I know, I'll live, but could you use y-your magic to knock me out, I'm in s-s-so much pain right now." Her horn glowed and he passed out.

Eli slowly opened his eyes, his vision was super blurred, all the could see was a white ceiling, and a bright light. He asked.

"Where am I? Is this, heaven?"

He heard a female voice say, "It's okay Eli, you're in the medical wing of the palace."

He looked to his right and saw a yellow blur, "Spitfire? I can barely see." His vision focused a bit, he saw that it was Spitfire, he looked around to see he was in a small room, white walls, and he was in a bed with only his underwear on. "Where's my clothes?"

"Well, they needed to heal you and well, the clothes had to go."

"How long was I out?"

He didn't hear anything for a minute, "About four hours."

"Damn, wish I could've gotten more sleep." He heard her chuckle, "So, will my burns become badass scars?"

"Actually, unicorn magic is very powerful, and you humans seem to absorb magic like a sponge, I don't know why, but you're almost entirely healed, just some slightly darkened skin where you were burned."

"Good, and slightly saddening, I wanted badass scars, but at least I'll look normal. When can I leave?"

"Right now, you were entirely healed, they don't need to look over you again, let's go." Eli sat up and held his head.

"God, I ache all over, was it from the magic?"

"Probably, but I'm not a unicorn. Your shirt and pants are on the table next to you. And I gotta say, get new underwear, there's a hole that allows me to see your junk."

"Oh, sorry, I'll get new ones."

"Don't be, I liked the view." She flew out of the room while Eli just blushed.

Eli got his stuff on and they flew back to Cloudsdale, they got off not to far from the house, so Eli limped along, and Spitfire flew, holding his right side, helping him walk.

They got to the door, Spitfire unlocked it and they entered, Eli started to limp upstairs, until he looked back and saw Spitfire staring at the kitchen.

He limped back down and asked, "What is it?"

"You set up a nice evening for me, and it had to go to waste."

"Not all of it, the cake's still good I bet."

"What kind?"

"Chocolate."

"Oh sweet Celestia, that's my favorite." Eli smiled and made a mental note of it. They went upstairs and Eli walked to his door, Spitfire asked, "Where're you going?"

"To bed. Why?"

"Wrong room, come on." She entered her room and left the door open, he followed her in and he took off his pants and shirt. spitfire was lying on the bed, ready to sleep, Eli laid on the bed as well, she curled up next to him and said, "Good night."

"Night." Was all Eli could say. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but he wasn't able to. He rolled away from her and grabbed a pillow, he laid on the floor and started to fall asleep.

Eli closed his eyes and just let the exhaustion wash over him. He fell asleep moments later.
> Chapter 10
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a nice, dark, and stormy morning, Cloudsdale was almost entirely grey, but for Eli, he couldn't care less. He slowly opened his eyes, he looked up and saw the ceiling, but something felt strange. He looked to his left and saw Spitfire, snuggling against him, her head sleeping right next to his, he also noticed that they had a blanket. Something he forgot to get.

Eli tried to move his arm, but Spitfire started to stir, she looked at him with her burning, amber eyes. "Thought you could get away huh?"

"Not at all, I just prefer to let a lady sleep however long she wants to."

She got on top of him and replied, "And what makes you think I'm a lady?" He smirked.

"Anyon- erm, pony as beautiful as you." She blushed.

"I'll love you regardless of the complements, but it helps keep you in the race." He smirked, she stood up and stretched, showing herself off to him, he just stared with wide eyes.

Spitfire walked out of the room and to the shower.

He slid off the bed and looked around, on the ground were his pants and his shirt. He put them on and walked out of the room.

He went over to his bedroom (where he should've slept) and entered.

The room was dark, but he didn't mind, he located his backpack and unzipped it, he dug through until he found his wallet, he pulled out the picture of Theo. Eli's eyes started to fill with tears, but he had to see Theo.

After about ten minutes he placed the picture back in his bag and headed down stairs.

Spitfire was busy making waffles, and Eli was in the little eating area, Spitfire wasn't wearing anything, like that was surprising.

She asked, "Do you like blueberries in you waffles?"

"Who doesn't? Please." She nodded and got back to it, Eli asked, "So, you're okay with going to the Crystal Empire for dinner with Shining Armor and Cadence?"

"Ya, I'm looking forward to it."

"Aw man." She looked back confused. "I just wanna spend the night at home, not doing anything." She chuckled.

"Well, I guess we'll have to fit all that relaxing after breakfast."

"Sweet."

She flew over to the table and set down two plates, each with nicely cooked blueberry waffles with eggs and hash browns on the side.

"I had no idea you were this good in the kitchen."

"Normally I'm not, but days like this, I get it just right."

"I hear ya." She brought over some syrup, coffee, and juice. After setting all that down she landed right between Eli's legs, she smiled and started to pour her syrup, Eli's used to this by now. "I still don't know how you ponies love physical contact so much, for most humans, this's rare, even more so if you're not about to have sex, unless you pay for it anyway."

"We can be very intimate, but I don't see how it's unusual."

"Well, I guess it's just a difference in species. But luckily, I'm a very physical guy." She nuzzled a bit.

"I love you Eli." Eli looked down at her, she blushed realizing what she said, "I-I just, sorry, I know it just started, but I was ju-"

Eli slowly petted her mane, she looked up and he said, "I love you too, more than anyone I've ever met."

That breakfast was a little too touchy and frilly for me to write, so let's skip to many hours later.

They were on the bed, reading a book and doing early couple stuff, that kind of annoying stu- ya that's the stuff. "I'm spent right now Eli, plus we have to go to the Crystal Empire for that dinner."

He sat up, "Aw come on, can't we just cuddle and order in?"

She sat next to him and gave a peck to the cheek, "Don't worry, we still have two weeks to ourselves, plus I've wanted to see the Crystal Empire, and not in between shows." She got out the same dress from their date. He heard the doorbell ring.

"Don't let it be work." He chanted on the way to the door, he opened the door and saw two bags, and a cardboard box. There was a note on the box, it read.

"Hey Eli, I heard about your underwear problem and I sent a request to Rarity, she made very nice and I think comfortable underwear.

You left these last time you were here. And again, thank you, you've saved us more than we can say.

Your friend Celestia."

"Well I'll be, that was damn nice of her." He ripped the box open and pulled out very nice, plain underwear, "Nice, just plain and simple boxers."

He dug to the bottom and pulled out some very... Peculiar. They were more like speedos, they were also silver and had a nice hole for his, you know. There was a note attached to it.

"I'm tired of making generic things for you, this's on me, and hopefully it will spice things up for you two.

Rarity." He blushed and shoved that pair right into the bag, he grabbed the box and his gear and backed in the house. Firmly closing the door.

He dropped his gear in the living room and carried the box upstairs, he went into his room and set the box down, he grabbed his suit, and a fresh pair of underwear, he slipped the underwear on. Eli turned a bit, seeing how he looked in them, "Ya, these'll do." He slipped the suit on and went back to Spitfire's room.

He saw her as she slipped on the last shoe, she was about ready, and she was stunning, "Wow, I wanna rip all that off and just... Ya."

"I know, and when we get back, maybe we kick it to another base?" She fluttered her eyes, Spitfire flapped her wings a bit to make sure it was a fit. "Well, let's go, I'm getting hungry."

"Ya, I could use a bite to eat with a lot of liquor."

She asked worryingly, "Um, why?"

"Because it's been about a day and I'm getting jittery."

"I think you should quit, but I'm not gonna push it. Though the moment you get alcohol poisoning, I'm shoving you in rehab myself."

"Sigh, alright." They walked out of the room and down the stairs, Spitfire opened the door and saw Cadence standing there, "Um Cadence, hi, what're you doing here?"

She replied, "Well, I know using the taxi is long and very boring, so I'm here to teleport you two to the Crystal Empire."

Eli replied, "Aw, thanks, that's sweet, well, let's go." Cadence's horn glowed and they were off.

A bright light appeared right in front of the castle, the light disappeared and left Spitfire, Cadence, and Eli, standing.

"Welcome." Said Cadence, they looked around at the magnificent city around them, Eli said.

"Holy crap, this place's bitchin." Cadence smiled.

Spitfire replied, "What he said, I've seen this place before, but not at night." The moon light was reflecting off of the crystal buildings, giving the empire a magical glow.

They entered the castle, same kind of interior design as Canterlot's castle, but with crystals. They walked along many hallways, hoping the next one would be the dining room.

She stood in front of a large purple door, Eli said, "This had better have food behind it."

"Don't worry, this's the final door." The guards opened the door with their magic and showed off a large room, it had an extended table with food all along it. The ceiling was so high, high enough for Spitfire to make a tornado in it.

Shining Armor waved from the far end of the table, they walked up to him and Cadence gave him a quick kiss before going to her seat. Spitfire sat down in the middle left seat, and Eli fist bumped Shining Armor. He sat down across from Spitfire.

"Well, what're you two waiting for, dig in." Said Cadence. They started to grab food and put it on their plates, none of them had all that much, except for Eli, he had stacks on stacks of different foods.

Cadence asked, "So, you're really hungry then?"

"Nah, just getting some body fat, I'm literally starved, it'll take awhile, but when all of this's over. I want to eat all the carbs I can."

"Here, here." Shining Armor said lifting a glass of wine. Cadence gave him a certain look that made him shiver.

Eli asked, "So, how's it been? anything exciting happen?"

Cadence replied, "Actually yes, since you all took the caves, our mining and gem profits have gone through the roof, there's almost to many. And with that we gave them better housing, education for the children, and various other things that they needed."

"Wow, you humans work a lot huh?" Asked Spitfire.

"Well, yes, we work quite a bit. But before, we got little pay, minimum wage wasn't dick. And it just got worse, prices went up on everything and government programs went down like a burning airplane. Basically a lot of work, for no pay, so the better you treat them, the harder they'll work." He took a bite into a giant watermelon slice.

Shining Armor replied, "Wow, sounds like you were all living in total chaos."

"We were, war, greed, chaos was how we survived day to day life. Did you know there hasn't been a time when humans weren't fighting other humans to the death?" They all just stared at him, "What? It's true."

"But, you seem like a perfectly peaceful man when you can."

"Oh no, the people don't wanna fight, but those in power want to gain power and land so they send us to go die for them. It's how all military works. But lets get off this topic, I can tell it's not plesant."

"Well, it's just hard to think about war all the time, we aren't ones to fight. But dragons on the other hand, sound a lot like your kind, but they have an actually super stable society." Said Cadence.

Eli was taken back, "D-dragons?"

"Yep." Replied Shining Armor.

"Where I come from, dragons, unicorns, pegasi, all myth, fairy tales. I've always wanted to see one, since I was five, do you two think you can arrange a kind of meet up?"

"Who knows, maybe a portal will open in the dragonlands."

"Heh, maybe. I actually hope so now, that would be so epic. Even if not, I'd still love to meet one."

"We'll see." Said Cadence.

Shining Armor asked, "So, how's the Wonderbolts Spitfire?"

She replied, "Actually really good, despite the cloud that sucked us into another world only to be saved moments after, to a giant bird thing eating me, and spitters as Eli calls them, raiding our performance. So, all in all it's been a weird time."

"Ya, sorry about all that," he look down sadly, "but I'm still happy it all worked out. Now Cadence, is everything alright with Flurry Heart?"

"Well, actually she's been really fussy lately, more so than usual. She just won't eat, and we've done everything."

"Everything." Sighed Shining Armor.

Eli replied, "Have you two tried tickling her? When she giggles shove the spoon in her mouth, that was what I did."

"I... Actually we haven't tried that, thanks." Said Cadence.

"No problem, happy to help. Now how about we eat." They silently ate, and ate, and ate, until they were super full.

Shining Armor gave a loud burp, Cadence asked, "What do we say?"

"Excuse me." Replied Shining Armor, then Eli took a deep breath in and gave out the largest, smelliest, and longest burp any of them ever heard.

"Whoo, must be a barge going through." No pony could say anything, "What? Come on, that was the best burp I've ever done."

Shining Armor hoof bumped Eli, Cadence said, "Sigh, I give up on manners." Spitfire replied.

"That was a good one Eli."

"Wow, a chick who doesn't mind burping, have I told you how much I love you?"

She giggled, "Stop Eli, now then, who's up for a drink?"

"Me!" Shouted Eli. A waiter walked up to Eli, "I'll take a bottle of whiskey. What'll you all have."

Shining Armor replied, "Red wine, all around." The waiter nodded and trotted off, Spitfire asked.

"Eli, I'm worried about you, you drink a lot. Now I drink quite a bit to, but you're doing it to much. Why?"

Eli froze, he wasn't used to questions like that, but he took a breath, and replied, "Theo, losing him hurt me beyond compare, alcohol was the only way I could get through the pain."

"Over a dog? I don't believe it, I've lost pets in my life, but a dog doesn't make you drink like that, what's the real reason?"

"Theo, he is the reason."

"Come on, tell me the truth Eli."

"I am."

"No you're not, I can tell, you're lying. Now the truth!"

"Theo, Theo was the reason!"

"I don't believe something like that, he was just a dog!"

"He wasn't just a dog, he was my angel!"

"There's a million of them around, now tell me the truth."

"A million, so Theo was just a million?!" Shining Armor and Cadence mouthed something along the lines of damn!

"Yes! He was nothing more than a damn dog!" She shouted. Eli stood up, he grabbed the bottle of whiskey the waiter was bringing and said.

"Shining, Cadence, tell her the truth, I'll be in the garden drinking." He threw the wallet towards Cadence as he walked away. Once he was away Spitfire said.

"He's being a baby, it was just a dog." Shining Armor and Cadence looked at each other worryingly. Shining Armor said.

"Listen, there's something we should tell you."

"What?" Asked Spitfire. Shining Armor gestured to Cadence who now sat across from her.

"Sigh, well, Theo wasn't actually his dog, but he was, well... I.... He was actually... Eli's son."

Spitfire just looked at them, "What?"

"Eli's old girlfriend, the one who popped his cherry, well, the condom broke and eventually they had him. Eli took Theo and raised him with the money from suing the condom company. He raised Theo to the age of six.

Theo was taken from him, that part was true, they ran into a store, Eli made a lot of noise and got most of the zombies off of Theo, but once he heard a scream. Eli lost it, he beat zombies like he does now days. But Theo was bit, and when Theo passed, Eli promised to make sure he didn't turn. That gun he had, he shot his son in the head with it, that does stuff to a father. He's haunted daily by how he let Theo down.

That's why he drinks, that's why he fights like that, he doesn't care if he dies, he just wants to take as many of them with him as he can. Eli said that."

Spitfire wasn't sure what to say. She thought about it for a moment before realizing something horrible she did, "A-and I called Theo nothing more than a... Oh sweet Celestia, I need to go." She flew out of the room at speeds faster than a jet.

Shining Armor and Cadence were sitting there, Cadence asked, "So, this makes me feel better about us, what about you?"

"You were worried about us?" Cadence's eyes started to widen, sweat beat off her head, it was at this moment that she knew, she fucked up.

Spitfire flew through the halls like they were nothing, constantly thinking about what she did, a tear formed on her eye, it flew off of her and on the ground.

She flew out of the castle and saw that she was in the garden, there were magnificent plants everywhere, roses, exotic plants, and even some crystal flowers.

She looked a little bit away and saw Eli sitting on a marble bench, he was holding a picture and the empty bottle of booze. The moonlight shown off of his face, allowing her to see the tears flowing over his face. She slowly flew over, wanting to avoid it as long as she could.

She sat next to him, before she could speak Eli said, "I love you daddy."

She looked at him a bit confused, "What?"

"Those were the last words Theo said. What you said wasn't so that bad, but it brought out all the anger I was feeling, I needed to get out of there, or I would've done something I wouldn't be able to live with."

"I-I had no idea he was your son, if I knew I would hav-"

"It's okay, I know you didn't know, I'm not that mad right now, I'm just saddened. All those memories, do you know the real reason I wanted to go to the dragonlands?"

"Was it Theo?"

"Ya, he was obsessed with dragons, he loved them, everything he had was dragon related. And that came from me, I was super into dragons as well, but hearing it made me want to go, made me want to take Theo's memory to the Dragonlands. Be able to tell him about it when I eventually die and meet his up in heaven.

Do you know the famous saying, you take away a man's child, he truly has nothing left to live for. The only reason I didn't shoot myself was because I wanted to kill as many of those zombie fuckers as I could. Now I'm protecting Equestria, making sure that doesn't happen to anyone else. I'm a fucking wreck, and the only way I get by is with alcohol, lots of it."

She drew a wing over his back, "I don't know what to tell you besides I'm sorry, but why didn't you tell me when we met?"

"I didn't want to build a friendship, or in this case, a relationship, out of pity. That just isn't right, I wanted you to be with me for me, not out of pity."

She thought for a good minute before replying, "Alright I get that, but what can I do to help?"

"Nothing right now, just keep that wing up and let me get it out. That would be the best thing right now."

"I can do that." Replied Spitfire. Eli talked, and talked, and talked, more talking than I'd like to write. So we'll move an hour, when the conversation ends.

Eli was hugging Spitfire, and Spitfire had her wings over his back, and her hoofs around his neck, her head was nuzzled in his upper chest. Eli still had tears coming out, he explained everything to her, everything with Theo. 

Spitfire said, "Thank you, and don't worry, I won't tell this to anypony, it'll be between us, and whoever you tell of course."

"Well, now that I let my secret out, I feel closer to you. Now how about we go in, say goodbye to Shining Armor and Cadence, then we go home, how's that?"

"That sounds good." Spitfire got off of Eli and flew to eye level with him, he stood up and they walked back to the dining room, nothing happened between there, literally, nothing.

They entered the dining room, but no pony was there, besides one guard, Eli walked over and asked the guard, "Where's Shining Armor and Cadence?"

He replied, "They went to Flurry's room, she started crying and they haven't been able to stop her."

"Alright, thanks." The guard nodded, Eli walked back to Spitfire and said, "They're with Flurry Heart, let's go help them, then they'll teleport us back home, sounds good?"

"Ya, I just hope you can help."

"Um, I was a single parent through birth to part way of youth. I can handle it... I think." He walked away a bit more unsure with himself. They walked around, asking guards where Flurry's room was, each hallway got longer and longer, even Spitfire was starting to get bored with it.

But once they made it to the room, Eli opened the door, you all know the room of the Hasbro demon child. Shining Armor was trying to hold onto Flurry while she was flying around in circles around the room, he looked like he would be sick, and Cadence was trying to calm Flurry down with her magic, but nothing.

Eli asked, "Anything I can do to help?"

Cadence jumped a bit, she looked back to see them at the doorway, she replied, "Yes, if you could help us settle her down, we'd be eternally grateful."

He cracked his knuckled, "I'm on it." He walked to the center of the room, Shining quietly shouted.

"Help! I'm gonna throw up!" He fell down, Eli took the trashcan next to Flurry's bed and dropped it in front of Shining Armor right before he... Ya, he vomited, no need to describe it, and if you want me to, you're weird.

Eli shouted, "Hey flurry!" She floated and looked at him, "Go! Fly!" She started to fly faster and faster, Cadence asked.

"What's that about?! that's not what we need!"

"She'll burn out, keep making her fly and she'll get tired, just watch." She kept going faster and faster, until she just stopped, she was panting, Eli grabbed her and held her in his arms, like a normal baby.

He stroked her mane and sang a lullaby, he was speaking so low, none of them could hear, but it put Flurry right to sleep, he gently set her in her bed, he turned around and tip toed to the door.

Shining Armor closed the door and they were just in awe at Eli, Cadence asked, "Wow, you're truly good, wanna babysit?"

"Sorry, but just to many portals."

Shining Armor asked, "How did you do that?"

"Well, Theo would just run and run around his room when he was about four for couple months, I tried to stop him, but then I just let him run himself out. I was there at all times, making sure he didn't hurt himself, and the lullaby is a Korben family secret, no one besides me right now knows that lullaby."

"You seem like you'd be a good Dad, maybe someda-"

Eli cut Cadence off, "Sorry, but no. I already failed one child, I'm not failing another one, I just can't take a child, the memories of Theo haunt me for the rest of my life, I wouldn't be able to be a father again, not again. I don't ever see myself ever having another kid again, I tried and failed. Never again."

Spitfire got a bit sad, but she understood, Cadence replied. "Oh, okay. I just thought, sorry."

"All good, you didn't know, now can I ask that you teleport us home? We're very tired, and would like a good rest."

"I can do that, well, it was a nice, but strange evening you two."

"Quite." Replied Spitfire.

"See ya dude." Said Shining Armor.

"See ya bro." Cadence's horn glowed and Eli and Spitfire were gone.

Cadence asked"So, wanna go upstairs and do what you're thinking?"

He grinned, "Why don't we just do it right on that table?"

"You cheeky stallion, I like it." They sat at a small table and started to close their eyes and lower their heads. In no time they were sleeping, rare for a parent.

Eli and Spitfire popped right in front of their house, Eli said, "I'm never gonna get used to that."

"You will, trust me, you will." Replied Spitfire, she unlocked the door and they entered, Eli flipped the light on and closed the door, Spitfire asked, "So, do you still wanna have fun?"

"Of course, but first, I think we'll both enjoy a quick mint." He pulled out two small mints, Spitfire shrugged and they each chewed up one. "Now, let's further our relationship."

They ran upstairs and locked the door, that night had little sleep, but a lot of fun time, a lot of it. Kind of envious.
> Chapter 11
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a nice and very bright day, the sun was shining, Eli and spitfire were actually up, early in fact, shocker. They were in the living room, Spitfire was reading a book, and Eli was reading the paper with a bottle of booze in his hand, just generic booze. Spitfire asked.

"So, wanna do anything today?"

"Nah, I've had my fill of fast paced fighting, randomness and just downright weirdness, I'm good just sitting here, enjoying some time where it's just peaceful."

"I feel the same." replied Spitfire. They heard a knock at the door, "Oh no." Was all Spitfire could say.

"I'll get it, I just hope it's not too much." He got up and walked to the door, Eli opened it to see Fleetfoot and Soarin there, he asked, "Hey, what's up you two?"

Fleetfoot replied, "Well, we thought you two might be up for a drink?"

"Well, we'd love to, as long as something random doesn't happen, that would truly suck." He turned around and raised his voice, "Hey Spitfire, drinks with your mates?!" He shouted.

She shouted back, "Ya, just throw some pants on first!"

"Hey, I see you ponies naked, what's wrong with me wearing underwear and a shirt?!"

"Because.... Aw buck, just get some pants on, no pony wants to see those underpants. Now what's under them is a whole nother story." She flew closer to him and winked.

"You ponies are oddly sexual, or is that just you all?" He asked.

"It's normal, trust me, mares are like this." Replied Soarin tiredly. Eli laughed and walked away to get some pants. Spitfire flew to the door, Fleetfoot asked.

"So have you two been, you know?"

"Not much today, but last night, well we went all the way, so I'm doing really well, he was so, well... amazing."

"I need to get myself a human, they sound great." replied Fleetfoot.

"Are you horny?" asked Spitfire.

"Well...... Maybe I am." Soarin took a couple steps back and retorted.

"I'm glad another guy's coming, or this would be very weird." Before they could reply Eli came down the stairs wearing some camo pants.

"Alright, I'm ready." he said.

They walked out of the house and headed over to the bar nearby. Soarin asked, "So Eli, how have the other humans been?"

"Actually very well, they're adapting to the crystal mines very well, production has greatly increased, and now they're living ordinary lives, houses, families, jobs. I'm so happy humanity's been given a rare second chance."

"Wow, that's nice, soon you all might become equestrians, if Celestia and Luna pass it."

Eli laughed, "I'm sure they will, I can persuade them if I must, but I think they want us in the workforce."

"Probably, you've saved us quite a bit over these past days." said Fleetfoot.

"Ya, I'm pretty great aren't I?"

"Don't inflate his ego, it's already big enough as it is." said Spitfire jokingly.

"And yours isn't?" said Eli.

Soarin shouted. "DAMN!" Spitfire and Fleetfoot gave him the meanest glares anyone's ever seen, he ducked his head.

"Well Eli, are you fully living with Spitfire?" asked Fleetfoot.

"I'm... huh. Well Spitfire, am I?"

"I like to think we are, ya, we are." Eli smiled, "So, what have you two been doing?"

Soarin replied, "I was getting some practice in, and some reading of 'Ready Pony One', great book."

Fleetfoot laughed and replied, "That's a bunch of bull, he's been partying with me at every club and bar, though he did finish that book, that part's true; so what about you two?"

Eli retorted, "Well, we've been dealing with numerous zombies and kicking ass; followed by me pounding hers." Spitfire smacked his shoulder and said.

"We also went to dinner, don't forget that."

"How could I, it was emotional, and before you two ask, I don't wanna talk about it, it was just something I don't wanna say. Though I got the feeling I'll be called back there to babysit, which'll suck, and rock."

"How so?" asked Fleetfoot.

"Well, I have to babysit, which'll suck, but I'll be in a giant castle made out of crystals, and a full staff ready to help, pizza for days!" They entered the small bar and sat down in the very corner booth, Soarin asked.

"Is it true that you could shoot flames out of your fists?"

"Ya, well, it's a flamethrower integrated into the fists, just a lighter, and a can of hair spray, and I'll spit out flames like my mix tape." They all looked confused, "It's a human thing, just, never mind."

They all ordered beers, and Eli ordered a glass of soda, Spitfire asked, "Why aren't you getting a drink? You usually do."

"I'm not in the mood to get drunk, right now, I'm not having to face my demons, cannibal zombies, weird creatures that formed on my planet, and I wanna stay sober in case I get to do it some more with Spitfire here."

"Alright, so have you two decided on pet names yet?" asked Soarin.

"Well, um, that's a bit personal, but." Replied Spitfire, "Eli's already short, but have you given my pet name any thought? If not it's fine, but now that it's out in the open?"

Eli thought for a minute before replying, "Actually I have, Veru, its Latin for spit, in Spitfire."

She replied, "Actually... I like it, it's very unique, and my past coltfriends just called me fire, which was... alright. But ya, I like it."

"Aw, that's cute; I wish a colt would give me a nickname like that." said Fleetfoot. Just as the waitress brought over their drinks a scroll appeared out of nowhere and landed in front of Eli.

"Fuck." Was all Eli could say before he opened it, it read.

"Dear Eli, for once it isn't us who needs help, a dragon flew over here searching for you. The dragons need your help with a portal. Their leader and a couple other dragons flew in to check it out for diplomatic reasons. And they never came back, plus weird creatures that look dead, as he said. Came through, they slaughtered the zombies with absolute ease, but they've heard of what you've done against zombies and they request your help to get back their leader. This's big Eli, you help them and there might be a big peace treaty between us. Now go, fight and I'll give you something special.
Your boss, Celestia."

"What is it?" asked Spitfire.

"You ask, and you shall receive, I'm being summoned to the Dragonlands, sounds like an absolute blast. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a dragon lord to save." He got up and started to make his way out until Spitfire tapped his shoulder making him turn to her, she said.

"No, if you go, I wanna come to, I'm tired of waiting here, and wondering if you'll come back, you know I'd be able to handle myself."

"No, it's too dangerous; I've already lost my whole family, my home, my friends, and my child. If I lost you, I would probably get two grenades, run into the largest zombie cluster and blow myself up. I can't deal with the thought of losing you too."

"Eli, alright, what if I just stayed with the dragons and didn't follow you through the portal, I think I could handle the dragons with ease."

He sighed, "You won't let me go on my own will you?" She shook her head,“ fine, you can come and hangout, but if they do anything to you, tell me, I'll make sure there's nothing left of them to deal with." He grinned sinisterly.

"Alright, let me say goodbye to Soarin and Fleetfoot, then we'll be off." Spitfire flew back to the table, Eli walked out of the bar and to the house, and he needed some gear.

The trek there wasn't at all interesting, just boring, Eli got his standard armor on, he was checking his uzi when he heard the door open, Spitfire flew in and asked.

"They're outside, you ready?"

He cocked his pistol, followed by him holstering it, "Of course, I'm always ready, but I have to ask one last time, don't go, I don't want to lose you."

She rolled her eyes and sighed, "I'm coming, and honestly, I'm very curious about dragons, Rainbow told me a bit from an adventure she had, and what one of her friends experienced. But that's it."

"Fine, let's go then." He walked past Spitfire and towards the chariot, they sat on the small bench inside the cart, Charger said.

"Here we go!" They flew off the cloud and towards the Dragonlands. Eli said.

"Oh ya, Spitfire, the left guard is Charger, the right is Sheath. Charger, Sheath, meet Spitfire."

Charger nodded and focused on the flight, but Sheath stared for a moment, he was star struck, "I know, I'm a Wonderbolt, but right now, I'm just a passenger. Can this thing go any faster?" Sheath started to worry, clearly showing on his bright red face, "I'm kidding, Eli's heavy, you know it took four of us to get him off the ground?"

She told them quite a bit about how they meet, basically chapters one through four. But that all ended as soon as they flew out of Equestria, and past the ocean, which took about two hours of flying.

Now that they were in the Dragonlands, everything started to get tense, most dragons hated ponies, but they were carrying something that they asked for, though it still got the nerves working.

From bright green grass, to rocks, lots and lots of them, followed by lava , a lot of it, Eli asked, "Please, no rocking, I may be tough, but I can't withstand lava." No pony argued, nor tried to rock it, they just kept going, carefully.

"ROOOAR!" Was heard just a little ways away, probably a scout, suddenly two dragons flew over to the chariot, they just froze in place, not wanting to piss off the dragons.

One of them was purple with blonde hair, the other was blue with a large mouth, the purple one asked. "So, are you the one we've heard about?" Eli nodded. "We expected more." Eli decided to slip on his gauntlets, they were heavy and he often disliked wearing them, "Hmm, that's a bit better."

"Says a purple dragon." The dragon laughed.

"Alright, I like your style, now follow us, Torch would like to speak with you." The chariot followed the dragons with a little space between just in case of a quick retreat. Eli said.

"Guys, I don't think we need to worry right now, I get the feeling they need me, badly." They flew over a large mountain and saw the massive throne with the former Dragonlord on it, Torch, the chariot landed a little ways away from the throne, Spitfire and Eli stepped off and stood right at the edge, one step further and it would be death.

Torch spoke in his loud voice, "Greetings, I'm the former Dragonlord, Torch; I have summoned you here for your help. Something has come up that needs your expertise."

"Whatever it is, tell me, I'll accept, I'm itching to punch some undead." Eli said hitting his fists against each other.

"Ah good, my daughter, the new Dragonlord, traveled through one of those portals, she had a small set of guards with her, but she insisted that they'd be light, for diplomatic reasons. It's been three days and she hasn't returned, just one of her guards, fatally wounded told me that they were ambushed and she was taken by strange creatures."

"Bandits!" Shouted Eli, "I fucking hate those guys, cannibalistic psychopaths with no fear of death, and pure hatred of anything that isn't them, I wish I could've made it in." They looked at him Torch asked.

"You weren't a kind of bandit, look at you."

"Ha! No, I was their prisoner for two months waiting for them to kill, and then eat me. I'm just a traveler, a bad-ass one, but still."

"Fine, but I need you to go through that portal and get my daughter and our leader back, you do that, and I'll give you a giant reward."

He laughed, "I don't need a reward, I get an oversized paycheck from the pony leaders for sitting on my ass, and I’ve only had to kill maybe a couple hundred of the zombies." All the dragons took a step back, "What?"

"We had some kind of creature come through the portal and well, it bit one of our dragons, we promptly killed the creature, but the dragon changed. What was that?" asked Torch.

"You're kidding? That's a zombie, it's an undead creature who does nothing more than feast upon those who aren't infected. That's how seven and a half billion people died in the most painful manner possible, trust me; people have gotten on their knees and begged for a quick kill after they were bit. Did you kill the infected dragon?"

Torch blinked a couple times before responding, "Of course not, we've been holding him, he’s still a dragon."

"No, he's not, the host dies after five minutes, then they turn, whoever that dragon was, it isn't around anymore, now it's trapped in a body it can't control, forced to kill those who it called friends. Let me kill it, or all of you will die, we tried containment too, but you can guess what happened."

Torch thought for a couple minutes, unsure of what to do, until, "You make good points, bring him here!" He shouted.

Two armored dragons were carrying a skinny blue dragon, about the size of a human, it had solid black eyes, much like the infected, it had parts of it's body falling off, rotting, the dragons carried him with a long rope as to not get bit themselves. They floated in the air, lettign the dragon zombie touch the ground, Eli said.

"Don't worry; this'll be very quick, and absolutely painless. Spitfire, look away." She closed her eyes and turned her to the side, Eli took his pistol out, he pointed it to the dragon's head, he was about five feet away. He looked dead into the dragon's eyes and then BANG, a bullet went through the dragon's head and it fell dead. He holstered the desert eagle.

His face showed no feeling, no remorse, no pain, and no sorrow. Torch said, "Wow, I'm not sure if I should thank you, or smash you right here, right now."

"Trust me Torch, if you let this dragon live, you all, and every creature on this planet, would die. I've done this many times; it doesn't even faze me anymore. Now where's that portal?"

He replied, "Its right over there, now I'm sending a dragon with you, when you find Ember, she would feel better seeing a fellow dragon, and she might not burn you to ash."

He threw his arms up and walked in a circle, "Really?! Now I have to babysit?! God fucking damn it! Fine, I'll deal." A red dragon landed right behind Eli, he turned around and threw a punch, hitting the dragon right in the face, there was a bit of blood when the punch hit, but the dragon went right to the ground, knocked out cold.

The other dragons gasped at that, "Wow, maybe you humans are tough, you knocked out a dragon, a strong one with just a single punch, I'm impressed little human."

"Thanks, but don't call me little, it's just, insulting."

"Ha! But that dragon you knocked out is the dragon that’ll be coming with you." Eli looked closer at the dragon, he was bright red, had a yellow under belly, pinkish freckles, yellow spikes, and yellow dragon eyes. He groaned, as soon as the dragon woke up he told him.

"Wow, for a dragon, you're shit. But stick close, and you might live to talk about what you see." He held a hand out to help the dragon, he swatted the hand away, he slowly got up, and “So, what's your name dragon? Or should I just call you punching bag?" All the dragons pretty much shouted.

"DAMN!"

"I like these dragons already." As soon as the dragon stood back up, he replied in a very mad and annoyed tone.

"I'm Garble, yours?"

"Eli, the one punch."

He laughed a bit, "Punch? What do you do, walk up to them and punch?"

Eli held up his giant gauntlet and smugly replied, "Pretty much, ya. I like to get nice and close, feeling them die makes me feel good." He nodded while smiling like the devil would. All the dragons took a step back.

Torch said, "I don't care how you two work it out, but get the Dragonlord, go. We don't have much time." Eli nodded and said.

"Alright Gurgle, get to the portal, I'll be there in a second."

"It's Garble!" He flew off pissed; Eli walked over to Spitfire and said.

"I hope to be gone for maybe a day; these dragons won't hurt you, because they know I’d take at least five of them with me if they lay one claw on you. I love you."

"Eli, fine, I'll miss you too. But if you die, I'll kick your corpse in the nards."

"Promise?" Eli got on one knee and they hugged for a good while, Eli got off and finished with, "Now it's time for me to kick some ass." He flipped his welders mask down and walked away, looking like a bad-ass.

The portal wasn't far off, maybe a hundred yards. But once he was there he saw multiple dragons fully armored, with spears and swords, Garble was standing in front of the portal impatiently.

"Had to say good bye to your bitch?" asked Garble. Eli got right in his face, making Garble take a step back.

"Say anything else like that about her and I'll rip your dick off and shove it down your throat, I've done it before."

"No you haven't." Eli took out his wallet and pulled out a slightly hidden thing of pictures, he flipped through them until he showed Garble the most sickening thing he's ever seen.

Eli was kneeling on his knee, holding the camera with his left hand, and his right holding up the head of a dead bandit, but what was in the bandit's mouth was sickening. It was a dick, but there was a few cords attaching the dick to the groin area, and the bandit looked alive. Garble flinched at the sight, "Don't fuck with me, I'll make you feel more pain than you'd ever think was possible."

Eli stepped past Garble and through the portal without a second thought; Garble followed him in a mere few seconds.

They came out the other side, back on Earth, they were in a small forest of sorts, all green, decently peaceful, but Garble looked at the sky and saw that it was gray, he asked.

"Is it supposed to look like that?"

"Ya, its rain, duh, just water, don't wet yourself over it." Eli said calmly walking away. Garble carefully followed Eli; Eli was going down a small, dirt path of what used to be some kind of trail. "Maybe we're in a park?" Eli said looking at a sign in the distance. They got closer.

When they got close enough the park sign was very different than what they expected, there was some rotting paper on the ground next to the sign, and on it was a dark red banner with a black skull and cross bone pattern in the middle, Eli said.

"Shit, if these bandits are still alive, then Ember's in a far worse situation than I thought, but I know these guys, they held me prisoner for a month. They’re cannibals, psychos who do nothing but pray to god, eat each other, drink, and kill. I would've joined them, but like I said, they took me and almost turned me into a meat soup. Stay quiet, keep an ear out, make noise, and you'll die."

Garble wanted to say something snarky, but with the thought Eli put in, he kept his mouth shut and quietly followed. Eli took out his Uzi and took point.

The walk was quiet, and not at all interesting, but after the couple of minutes Eli stopped, Garble followed suit and stopped as well, he asked, "What's wrong?"

"I smell fresh bodies, very fresh, not like zombies." Eli cocked his gun and slowly made his way forward; he saw a small clearing with a small pool of blood right in front.

Eli squatted right behind a bush, he counted to three and jumped out, he looked and saw no bandits, but when he looked down he saw five armored dragons, all dead in pools of blood.

Eli looked closer and saw that there were bullet holes in them, he shouted, "Garbage get over here!"

"It's Garble." He saw the bodies, "What the? How did they."

"That's human weaponry, it appears the bandits are still hanging out around here, thought they'd leave by now. Do any of these bodies resemble the dragon lord?"

Garble looked at each body and replied, "N-No."

"Then they took her in, they usually leave the bodies and take the live ones with them, then they come back for the bodies, you know, fresh meat. But I remember this clearing..... I remember where their base is! Come on, there's still time to save her." Eli quickly stood up and brought his gun back up.

He turned left and started to walk, Garble almost didn't follow, but he knew that Torch would have his ass if he ran. Not to mention the names the other dragons would call him, so Garble followed knowing they were going to face the thing that killed those dragons.

They went up a mile or so, it was quiet, almost too quiet, way to quiet, and it made Eli all the more paranoid. Until, they got to the top of a very shaded hill, Eli looked behind a bush and saw a nice fort.

It was one of those large cabin villas, but it wasn't nice at all, it was coming apart, but reinforced with metal, and with multiple humans hanging around it, skulls and body parts were spread around, with blood soaking the ground, there seemed to be a recent zombie attack.

There was a low wall surrounding it, it was made out of logs, but where there were holes, it was reinforced with guess what, steel. There were guards walking on top of the wall and two standing in front of a gate. Each bandit wore his own clothing, but they all had helmets made out of human skulls.

Eli said, "Now that's where evil is lies, and I bet that's where Ember is. Looks like there are only thirty or so guards, maybe they had to do a supply run, wouldn't be surprised."

"How many would they send for a run?" asked Garble.

"I don't know, but around another thirty, they go right into zombie infested lands to get water, condiments, ammo, that stuff. The food, well quite frankly, they eat their own, and the prisoners. Stay here; call if you see a bunch of vehicles coming." Before Garble could reply, Eli cocked his desert eagle and stealthily ran out of the bush.

He ran past the guard's views, managing to get closer, a small hole in the fence gave him cover, he looked at the guards before closing his welding mask, he pointed the gun at the two bandits in front of the gate and fired two shots.

The first one went through the bandit's head, and the second one went right into the second bandit's throat. The bandit fell on his knees and grabbed his throat, shortly before falling face first into the ground. He twitched and moved for a couple more seconds before the life left his body.

Eli walked to the gate and saw a couple red lights flash on, signaling the rest of the bandits of an intruder. Eli holstered his eagle and looked at the barbed wire fence that was the door, it was locked with nothing more than a pad lock, and Eli quickly punched it, shattering the aged lock.

He use his right arm and slid the gate open with no effort, he looked to the ground and saw that the bandits dropped two AK47's, Eli grinned, he grabbed the riffles, holding one in each hand and the stocks under his armpits.

He saw the main door opened and maybe ten bandits were running out, Eli hid behind a small crate nearby; he waited for the bandits to come all the way out. He heard one of the bandits ask in a very country accent.

"Where are they?" Eli stood up and started to fire, with each bullet that came out, a bandit got hit; he just held down the triggers and shouted, 

"I AM THE BIGGEST BADASS! WHOO!" Garble just watched, he knew how to kill, and he did it before, but he never seen a creature enjoy it to this degree.

As soon as the clips ran out he dropped the guns and looked, every bandit that came out was dead, not moving at all. Eli shouted, "Hey Gargoyle get over here!"

"It's Garble you ape!" When Garble got to the gate Eli had a gun to his face.

"Don't call me that again, or next time, I'll pull the trigger, understand?" He nodded, knowing what that gun could do in his hands. Eli turned around and walked to the door; he listened in and heard some whispering.

Eli looked at one of the bodies and saw a grenade; he picked it up, "What's that?" asked Garble.

"It's a grenade, pull the pin and it explodes; throw it to take out a large amount of troops. Like this." He pulled the pin, cracked the door open and threw it in, he heard one of the bandits say.

"Aw fuck me!" BOOM, he heard some screaming and waited a second. Then he kicked the door down with his desert eagle at the ready. There was bandit on the ground in front of him, crawling, Eli raised his foot and stomped the bandit's head right in, covering his whole foot and lower leg in blood.

Two bandits rose up; Eli fired a shot at the first bandit going right through the bandit's head. The second one tried to get his rifle, but Eli quickly faced him and fired, a bullet went through that bandit's head as well. Now Eli could look around his settings.

The lodge was made out of wood, but there were cages hanging up with skeletons and rotting bodies overhead, the ground had crates and various things they managed to steal, Eli looked to the left and saw a staircase that lead to the basement, "This way." He said going down the stone steps.

Garble followed closely, "So Gibberish, what happened to you, you seem like a little scared bitch, and you're a dragon."

"I'm not being a bitch, I'm just watching out for you."

"Oh bullshit, you're scared. Let's just finish this job so I can go home and get laid." They reached the bottom step; Eli raised his arm up signaling to stop.

The stairs ended with a corner, the hallway went to the left, so Eli hugged the wall and slightly moved his head so he could see the hallway.

A bit down the hall was a small steel bar gate, there were two bandits covering the entrance, and one behind the gate, he controlled it, all of them were heavily armed, plus the gate was open, they didn't seem to know what was going on, perfect.

Eli looked at Garble and smirked. Eli went into his bag and grabbed a grenade, Garble asked, "What's that?"

"Let me show you." Eli pulled the pin and held it for five seconds before throwing it towards the bandits. He covered his ears and then, BOOM. Eli got his desert eagle out and turned the corner, he saw that the gate was still open, and two of the guards were dead.

But the one behind the gate had a massive amount of shrapnel in him, he was dying, Eli started to walk towards the cells, Garble followed close, the only time Eli stopped was when the bandit grabbed his leg and pleaded to die.

Eli readied his eagle and fired one shot, right into the elbow, the bandit screamed out in pain, and Eli just walked past. Garble looked at the bandit and followed Eli, he asked.

"Why didn't you kill him, you beat him, we let least finish the kill."

"That's a bandit, those people don't deserve a quick death, they're one of the reasons I lost Theo." Garble wanted to ask who that was, but thought against it.

They went down a couple cells, they didn't have much, most were empty, but one had a skeleton with a huge amount of blood.

Once they got to the end they saw Ember, her wings were held with a rope around the waist, her mouth was closed with a cloth, and her arms and legs were chained.

She tried to speak, but the cloth was stopping her, Eli opened the cell and knelt in front of her, he flipped his welding mask up and Garble moved into her field of view.

He removed her gag and said, "I was sent by your father to get you, I'll get you out in just a sec." He pulled his eagle back out and shot the chains around her hands, he cut the rope around her wings and removed the gag, she stood up and replied.

"I didn’t need help, but thank you, wait, why'd you bring that?" Eli looked at Garble and back at her.

"Your dad said to, and I can tell we will have so much in common. Come on Giggle." He got up and pushed past him, she walked past him snickering.

On the way out she saw the bandit, he was still bleeding out, and Eli just pointed his eagle and fired a shot in his head without looking.

On the way out there weren't any guards, it seemed like they were out still. Eli said, "You two head out, I'll be right behind, just gotta do something."

"Alright, just make it quick." Said Ember, they walked out; Eli looked over and saw some cans of gas.

A couple seconds later Eli was coming out with a can of gas being poured out, he threw the can back into the house, there was a trail to the house, he lit a match and said, "Time for some fun." he threw the match down, the flames traveled across the gas and into the house.

The front room just lit up, burning right along, and since the house was made out of wood, it started to burn up, "Burn baby burn! Praise the holy lord! Hell ya!" he danced around the flames like it was a ritual.

Garble asked, "Are you crazy?!"

He walked over to Garble, he flipped the mask off and slammed his head on his, Garble fell down and Eli stumbled, "Ya, I'm a fucking lunatic! You can't live in this world without losing a bit of your humanity!" he got on his knees and shot his fists in the air, "Come get me!"

He looked back at the building and saw something walk out of it, it was a guy in samurai armor, it shined silver with a dragon like mask, he had a sword on his belt, guns scattered all around him, including a giant shotgun on his back, "You! I've waited a long time to see you; I thought you'd be here."

The samurai replied in a decently thick Japanese accent, "I've been looking for you, but here you are, disturbing my fucking nap." They were walking towards one another, taking off their bags, guns, everything except for the sword, and Eli's fists.

They stood about one foot away from one another, Eli said, "This has been overdo."

"Something we can agree on." They just stood in front of each other for a good minute, staring each other down, until something shocking happened. They hugged, seriously, he hugged the samurai.

They stayed like that for a couple weird seconds, until they pulled from each other, "Man I thought you died a while ago, got me sad."

"Nah man, I was simply teleported to another world full of mystic creatures, some of which are griffons, dragons, ponies, pegasi, unicorns, etc."

"Damn, I've always wanted to meet a pegasus! But sadly, I have to fight for my clan."

"I get it, don't worry, I'll only break a couple bones."

"Oh please Eli, I broke your leg."

"And I broke an arm, a rib, and both legs, need I go on?"

"Nah, I get it, now get ready." Eli got in a brawler stance, and the samurai got into a sword master stance.

Ember asked, loudly, "What's going on?! You two are friends?! What’s happening?"

Eli got out of his stance and replied, "Sorry, he's my oldest friend, we were neighbors from preschool to high school. But then we went to separate colleges. Though when the outbreak started, the bandits he worked for took me in, he guarded my cell and we touched bases; became friends and enemies since.

Well, I tried to breakout and they forced him to take me out, the only way he won was because I had a broken leg, and an arm."

"No, it's because I'm better than you in battle."

"Tell that to the four other fights we had anything to say now?" He was silent for a second, until he replied.

"You're an asshole."

"Ya, but it takes one to notice one. Either way, I broke out a second time and kicked his ass, but I spared him since he spared me last time. Now whenever we fight it's just to prove whose better, something we need to do."

Ember kind of understood and stepped back. Eli turned to the samurai and said, "So, you ready, Tsu?"

"Hell ya Eli, I'm gonna kick your ass." They each took a couple steps back, Tsu drew his sword, and Eli stood in a boxing stance.

They both shouted and charged each other. Tsu swiped his sword up, but Eli slammed his left fist down and blocked the sword, he threw a punch to Tsu's face, which he dodged.

Tsu raised his sword and tried to strike Eli down, but he got on one knee and raised his hands over his head in an X shape. The sword hit his metal gauntlets, "So, are there other humans over there?" asked Tsu, "Ya, about two hundred."

"Damn, that's awesome." Tsu pulled the sword back and swung it to Eli's left side, Eli used his left hand to grab the sword, and he used his right one and threw a punch at Tsu's face. He avoided it, he threw two more punches, but Tsu just avoided them, until Eli threw a punch to the gut.

It hit dead on, causing Tsu to stumble back a bit, Eli asked, "You remember Rue and Anna, from school?"

"Ya, wait, did they make it?"

"Not only did they make it, they're the leaders of their survivor group."

Tsu stood up straight, "Are they still together?"

"Not only that, they got married."

"Wow, I always thought they'd be good together." Tsu ran to Eli, with his sword raised, Eli smiled under his mask.

Tsu brought his sword down on Eli, but he simply stepped out of the way, the sword hit the ground and Eli grabbed the blade with his gauntlet. Tsu tried to pull the sword back, but Eli was holding it, they were pulling on it like two dogs for their toy.

But it was Eli who pulled the sword out of Tsu's hands, it was thrown on the ground and Eli socked Tsu right in the head, causing him to fall down.

Eli stood over the fallen foe and rushed his right fist down, but right before it would hit, he stopped, Tsu just stared at the fist, and Eli said, "Nice try, maybe later we could try to make it two to five?"

Eli's hand opened up and Tsu grabbed it, Eli pulled Tsu up and they shook hands. "You got lucky, my sword is slick."

"No man, you're just a butter finger."

"Screw off." Tsu grabbed his sword and put it back in its sheath, "So, since those assholes are finally dead, can I come with you to that land of mythical creatures?"

"No." Eli said turning around, there was a silence for a second before Eli turned back around and replied, "Of course you're welcome to come, I was messing with you man." He heard a whew from Tsu, "But I think we need to get moving, I got a mare waiting for me."

"Wait, you have a girlfriend?"

"Uh, ya, turns out that our scent just lights them up, humans are dynamite in bed. I'm for sure you could get a three way by waving those fingers."

"Where's that portal?" Was all he could ask.

"My man, right this way." Eli said as he finished getting his gear, Tsu picked up his stuff and followed, right as they got in front of Ember she said.

"You know, I see dragon in both of you, you humans might now be that different than dragons. I can truly respect the dragon in your species." She turned around and started too walked away. Leaving everyone else a bit confused.

"I don't get it." said Tsu.

Eli replied, "Ya, I'm kind of lost too." They followed Ember and Garble back to the portal.

It took a couple minutes, but they finally got within viewing distance of the portal. Eli said, "Now that's a beauty. Come on, let's go!" They started to move faster, but Tsu stopped, Eli turned around to see him raise his shotgun, he turned to the left and whispered.

"I hear movement." Eli got down on his hands and knees and got out his Uzi. He crawled next to him, "I'm not seeing anything Eli, but there's something here."

There was a slight rustle, "I hear it too, what do you think it is?"

,"Has to be an infected animal." Suddenly, from the bushed in front of them came a bandit, he fell on a tree, gripping on his arm, it was clearly bit, he was trying to cover it.

Eli put his Uzi away and got out his desert eagle, "I got this one." He aimed down the sights for a minute, he waited for the bandit to close his eyes and die, as soon as he did Eli took a shot, it went right through the bandit's head like it was nothing.

"Nice shot Eli."

"Thanks Tsu." He holstered his weapon and started to move again, Ember asked.

"What the heck was that?!"

"Look, you've seen the undead right?"

"Well, one, it took us awhile to kill it."

"It became infected because something infected bit that person, there's no cure, if you get bit, scratched, or anything involving it getting into your body. You're gonna turn into one. What I did was a mercy."

"Would you like it if I did that to you if you were bit?"

"Yes, I'd rather die than turn into a lifeless killing machine that feasts upon those it called friends, we gotta move, come on."

Ember wanted more answers, but thought against it by the fact he's insane. They were standing in front of the portal, Eli said, "Okay, Gibber Jabber you and Ember first."

"It's Garble." He mumbled going through the portal, Eli and Tsu looked at each other.

"Eli, is it really that good over there?"

Eli put his hand on his friend's shoulder and replied, "Its better, you'll be able to live a nice, peaceful life there, trust me. You'll love it." Tsu nodded and jumped through the portal, Eli took a deep breath in and just as he was about to walk through the portal he heard a twig snap.

He turned around, in a brawler stance, he looked around, but he didn't see anything, just green, but with a couple more rustles he looked over and saw a rather large bush move.

He slowly walked to the bush, ready for anything to strike if anything came out, he waited for a second. Until the bush was crushed, showing a smasher, a giant twelve foot zombie that is made from others, it had large hands and almost no head, "Fuck me." Was all Eli could say.

While in the Dragonlands, Tsu jumped into the lands, he looked around and said.

"Well, at least it's occupied." He saw a yellow pegasus fly in front of him, she looked mad.

"Where's Eli?!"

He jumped back a bit before replying, "He's right behind, he wanted to be dramatic.... I hope."

Suddenly the giant zombie charged through the portal, it stopped a bit away from Tsu and Spitfire, Tsu got out his shotgun, but he looked on the back and saw Eli on its back, he shouted.

"YA MOTHA FUCKA! I HAVE THE TOUGHEST CREATURE HERE! WHOO, RIDING A SMASHER BITCH, TOP THAT TSU!" Tsu stared at Eli, he had his fists inside the zombie's skull, moving his fist made the zombie move, he asked.

"Are you controlling that thing?"

"Ya, but hold on." He shoved both fists through the head, the zombie gave a loud cry and fell, Eli pulled his fists out of the zombie and jumped off. He landed right in front of them, and the smasher landed just behind him. "Hey babe, I missed ya."

She looked at the zombie for a couple second before flying right in front of Eli, he held her front hoofs and they kissed, "I've seen a lot weirder with you, not that it's a bad thing."

"Now that's the kind of talk I love." They looked into each other's eyes, until Tsu cleared his throat, loudly. They pulled away from each other, Eli said, "Oh sorry, Spitfire, this's one of my oldest friends, even before Rue and Anna, Tsu. We were neighbors though childhood. The rest, well, it'll be easier to tell over a drink."

Tsu removed his helmet and mask, he had a warrior's haircut, almost baron on the top, but a ponytail in the back, he had traditional Japanese looks, and brown eyes. "Finally, I've been waiting to take that fucking thing off."

Eli threw his mask off and replied, "Don't I know it. Hey Ember, where's the beer?"

"We haven't had beer in a long while, it's hard to steal, and most ponies guard it with dedication."

"Shiiit dog, I'll hook you up."

Spitfire asked, "How?"

,"Watch." He cleared his throat and everyone gave him a bit of distance, "Celestia you're a fat ass!" They looked around, but nothing. "Well then... Um, that usually wo-"

Celestia appeared right in front of Eli, hovering with a magic shield around her, eyes pure white, and a very pissed off look, she asked in the Canterlot voice, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"Look, we need beer, hook a brotha up will ya." She rolled her eyes and out of the sky kegs started to fall. They landed al around everyone, the dragons were cheering, but Tsu was covering his head with the helmet, and Spitfire was hiding a bit behind him, she knew what Celesita could do.

Eli was about to say something, but an extra-large keg fell from the sky and hit him right on the head, he wobbled a bit and said, "But Mom, I didn't do anything, don't beat me." He fell on the ground face first, Celestia's shield faded and her eyes turn back to normal, she said.

"Well that's better, next time it will be farther up, a lot farther up." She used some magic and sealed the small portal, "Now then, time for dinner." She teleported out leaving the dragons confused, Spitfire were on the ground laughing, tears were falling down her face.

Eli woke back up, he sat up with a jolt, he looked around and saw kegs all around, half or fully drunk dragons all around, and in front of him was Spitfire, Ember, and Tsu. He asked,

"W-what happened?"

Spitfire replied, "You pissed off one of them most powerful ponies on the planet."

"Eragh, fair enough, can someone get me a fucking beer?" Ember handed him a mug filled with booze, he gulped the whole thing down and said, "Another one, that wasn't enough."

She handed him another one, he gulped the whole thing down again, and the mug was twice the size of his hand, "Better, now I can get up." He slowly rose up, rubbing the top of his head.

"Hey Eli, this reminds me of when you hit the wall after Claire laughed at you. And those three pots hit your head; you had a rose stuck to your forehead."

Eli rubbed his forehead, "ya, then it was painful, now it's hysterical." He started to laugh.

Spitfire asked, "So, you've been out for a while now, and that gave Ember and me time to talk, we quite like each other, she's very interesting. And I think we've come to an agreement to how she can repay you."

"Nah, I don't need money, I get a fat check from Celestia, and I’m rolling in it now."

"Um, it isn't money," Said Ember, Eli leaned a bit to hear her better, she whispered, "I wanna make you an honorary dragon."

"Holy crap that's awesome! I'd be honored to be a dragon."

Ember laughed and replied, "Well I will, later, there's some things I need to deal with, so I gotta go, but next time, I'll make you a dragon."

She turned around and flew away, Eli said, "Well, I'm happy, but I feel like I need to get blackout drunk tonight."

Tsu walked up to Eli with a slightly angry face, "Hey man, where's my fucking pussy? You said it's all around."

Spitfire scanned the area for a moment and replied, "See that pink dragon over there?" Tsu nodded, "I heard she tries to do every creature on this planet, and wants to try out a human, go talk to her, she's a slut for that."

"Thanks." Tsu fast walked towards the dragon, Eli asked.

"I know Tsu, and I think she'll reject him, he could get pussy to save his life back on Eart- Oh of fucking course." They looked over and saw him making out with the dragon, "Wow, well, at least he finally made it to first base. I need a drink."

They walked away from the closing portal and walked over a small pile of kegs, there were maybe twelve kegs stacked up with a couple dragons passed out around it, and two sitting around, drunk out of their skulls. Spitfire told him.

"Eli, I need to check up on the bolts, make sure they're okay, I'll be back in a minute." Before he could say anything she zoomed faster than a jet.

"Damn, she's fast in the sky, and faster in bed." He took a cup and filled it with booze, he saw a rather large rock formation and decided to lean against it, and he pulled out his wallet and stared at the picture of his son.

He took a sip and smiled, but he heard something land behind him, something big, he turned around to see Torch, his head was really low, near Eli's level.

"Hey there, what can I do ya for Torch?"

He replied, "I wanted to thank you for saving my daughter, I don't know what I'd do without her. But I'm curious, what's in that picture?"

Eli sighed and handed the picture to Torch, he carefully grabbed it with his claw and brought it close to his face, "Who is the child?"

"My son, Theodore, or just Theo."

"Heh, he's not a dragon, but he is a cute kid, I take it he's back where you live?" Eli lowered his head and a tear fell down his cheek.

"He was a brilliant child, but he was no warrior, in and well, he’s no longer with us."

Torch handed the picture back, Eli took the picture and hugged it, "I'm sorry for your loss, I had no idea. But thank you for keeping my daughter alive. And I wouldn't know what to do if I lost Ember."

"I'll tell you, go around, drink all the booze around and pass out every night, then kill every zombie slash bandit you see. After you lose that, you stop caring about life, it's why I go in with metal fists, and I never intend to come back. But for some reason, they're just too shitty to kill me."

"Heh, I like you, you have the heart of a true dragon, I bid you farewell."

,"Thanks, see you." Torch flew away leaving Eli to wipe his tears, he finished his booze and decided to look up at the night sky, and the stars were twinkling; making the night sky dance.

He heard someone land next to him, from her voice he knew it was Spitfire, “Hey honey, what’s going on?”

He sighed and replied, “Just looking up at the sky.”

She curled up next to him and asked, “Weird, but honestly with you, what isn’t?” He chuckled.

“Spitfire.” she looked up at him, “I love you.” She kissed his cheek and replied.

“I love you too.”
> Chapter 12
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a nice, bright day in the Dragonlands, Eli was relaxing on a blanket, curled up with Spitfire; for her being the leader of the elite Wonderbolts, it was cute seeing her sleeping on your chest as the little spoon. Thankfully for him, Spitfire rolled over, leaving his chest, Eli sat up and looked down at himself.

He had a bit of a healthy gut, but the rib cage and the surrounding area still looked starved, Eli got up and he put his desert eagle back in it's holster and took out a knife from his bag.

He looked at the blade and thought, "Wow, I've killed a lot of creatures, I just hope it's nearing the end." He looked up and saw Spitfire, "Hey, you're up."

Spitfire replied, "It was a great sleep, feel nice and rested, and no PT today."

Eli chuckled at that, he looked around and saw they slept out in the open near the carriage, the guards were sleeping in the carriage and snoring loud enough to hear.

He slid his gray T shirt on and slipped the jacket over it, he decided against the gloves, "Spitfire, when do you think we can leave? I want to go home and drink a bottle of tequila."

"Don't worry, it won't be too long, I need to relieve myself, don't wanna do it out in the open."

"Gotcha babe." She flew off probably to find a bush or something.

I saw something blue flying towards me, it landed in a superhero landing, oh it was just Ember.

Ember started speaking, "Thank you Eli, for saving me, I don't think I would be alive if you didn't..... Help me, the Dragonlands owe you."

"It was a pleasure, but Garble was a bit of a pain though. The good part is that I knocked him out the first time we meet, so I'm good." They both chuckled a bit at that.

Ember added on, "Ya, he is a major pain, but he's still a dragon so I deal with it."

Out of the distance they saw Tsu running, he had the top part of his armor on, and carrying his pants on his shoulder,  luckily he had his white underwear on.

He shouted, "Move! We have to get out of here!" He stopped right in front of Eli, "That dragon's crazy, she won't let me leave, let's get out of here!" He jumped on the cart, making the guards jump out and get right up front with eyes still crusty. Eli said.

"Tell Spitfire that we need to run, meet us in Cloudsdale!"

"Alright, I'll let her know." She shot right into the air and zoomed to find Spitfire.

"I like these dragons, just almost military."

"Here she comes!" Shouted Tsu, the dragon he did was flying at full speed, she looked very... Hungry.

"Oh shit!"

"ELI MOVE!" Shouted Tsu, Eli hopped on the chariot and shouted.

"Come on, let's go!" The guards took right off and zoomed as fast as they could. The dragon stopped and shouted.

"You better come back! I'm not a one night stand, come back and pleasure me back!"

On the chariot sat Eli, and Tsu, and thankfully Tsu got his pants on. "Dude, what happened there? I thought you wanted all the pussy you could get?" Asked Eli.

"I do, but when I wanted to leave, she literally pushed me to the ground, growled and told me that I was her's, then she rode me.... Twice."

"Little too much information dude. But I get it, by the way, mares don't act that way, nor do any other creatures... I think?"

"Good, I was about to run to the nearest portal and see how I'd die." The guards looked at each other with very concerned faces, Charger asked.

"Um you okay man? You sound nervous?"

"I'm fine, but I'll admit, being property to a dragon was scary, and kind of hot."

Eli groaned and replied, "Again, too much info."

Sheath asked, "So, how did you two meet each other?"

Eli replied, "Well, since preschool, we lived next to each other until we went off to college, it was me, Rue, Anna, and Tsu here. Then I lost Rue and Anna during the outbreak, and after some time, I got captured and sent to a bandit camp. And yes, they planned on eating me."

"Not me dude, the moment I saw your face I wouldn't even try to." Said Tsu.

"Thanks, but he was my warden, we chatted on and on, until I managed to break out, broke my leg and had to fight Tsu, I of course lost. But he spared me.

I escaped again and he caught up to me, we fought for what seemed like hours, but in the end, I beat his ass to submission. And I spared him in return. That started five other fights, which I beat him every time."

"You don't need to tell them that Eli." Tsu said pouting.

"Just trying to be accurate, anyway. Then he came with me to the portal and here we are, in the chariot."

Sheath replied, "Wow, now that's a cool yet confusing story."

"So how did you two meet?" Asked Eli.

Charger replied, "Well, we had too much to drink and got into a bar fight with each other, which lead us to be forced into the drunk tank. Once the booze wore off, and a good vomit, we started to chat and well, we became friends."

"Not as cool as his story though." Replied Sheath dipping his head.

Eli commented, "Nonsense, every story like this is interesting in my opinion. Ask me about my Trudy, I dare ya."

Eli went on and on about her, all the way back to Cloudsdale, and it was an hour long flight. Everyone was sick of it by that point.

When the chariot landed in front of Spitfire's house, Tsu asked, "Wait, you managed to get a rich mare? You are the fucking king man!"

"Thanks Tsu. Now you two take him to Ponyville first, he needs a spell to walk on the clouds." They nodded. "And Tsu, I'll ask if you can shack up with us, but if you can't, the barracks at the Wonderbolt academy are nice I hear."

"Awesome man, I'll be back soon hopefully, so will we see Rue and Anna anytime soon?"

"I sure as fuck hope so man, I do, it'll be nice to get the gang back together again, all drinking, joking, killing."

"Hell ya!" Shouted Tsu.

"But for now, I'll see you in a bit." The chariot took off and Eli turned to face the house, he walked up to the door and took a whiff of the city, it smelled like a nice winter day, a little bit of a wet smell, but pleasant smell none the less.

He knocked on the door, and in a jiff the door opened to Spitfire, she was wearing a purple bathrobe and her mane seemed wet, "Hey El." She smacked him with her wing, "That's for leaving me when I needed to take a piss."

Eli quickly replied, "Sorry Fire, it really wasn't in my control."

She took a deep breath, "It's fine, I get it, you get into trouble whenever I'm not watching over you, action and danger is attracted to you more than I am."

Eli considered that, "Does that mean it's a huge love, or do you not feel strongly about me."

She immediately replied, "The latter." Eli felt rough after that, his shoulders slumped, then she started laughing, "I'm kidding you goof, of course I love you. Just wanted a little payback for leaving me while I was relieving myself."

He sighed and chuckled a bit at her, "I'll give you that one, I did kinda abandon you." He walked in and the door closed, "Hey Spitfire, you know how we have that spare room I was using?"

"Why?" She asked in a very dark tone.

"Tsu might need a place to sleep for the night, before he moves to where ever he wants to move."

She thought about it for a moment, "He helped you save Ember?" Eli nodded, but he knew that wasn't exactly true, "I guess he can stay for one night, just one. I only need one human to please me." She said flying up to his face and kissing his cheek.

"Thanks, and maybe we have time to... expand our relationship a bit more? After fighting like I did I'm really in the mood." Eli said seductively.

"I wish we did, but he's at the door, I can see him." Tsu was waving at the small window next to the door.

"I'll greet him." Said Eli, he walked over to the door and opened it, Tsu said.

"Hey man, I was in and out, I just had to act like a dick and she let me out quickly."

"Nice man, ya I've had to use that card before, now here's a hundred bits, get yourself a drink, enjoy yourself. Come back after say an hour? Sound good?"

Tsu thought for a moment and replied, "Well I wanna get some rest, that dragon took a lot out of me, did she say I could stay?"

Eli sighed, while Tsu was a great guy, at times he could really miss the obvious, "She did, but we'd like a bit of alone time, maybe 30 minutes? You got that drake, now I want my little pony." Eli chuckled at that.

Tsu's eyes opened wide, "Oh! Oh I get it now, sure, I'll get a drink, half an hour is all I'll need to get kicked out of a bar."

Eli closed the door and turned to Spitfire.

Spitfire crossed her forearms while hovering, "Not bad, how long do we have?" She kissed him.

"Half an hour, or until the royal guards bring Tsu here when he starts a fight." He said as their lips were a mere inch from each other, but shit happens. Eli heard a poof in the air and saw a scroll drop down into his arms, "Aw fuck, come on!"

"Just read it, maybe it's good news."

He unrolled it, it read, "Sorry to disturb you Eli, but something has come up, there is another portal near the changeling kingdom, and they request your help, and any help your allies might be able to give. I am sending Rue and Anna to aid you.
The chariot is on already there. Sorry to make you do two missions side by side, but they really need your help, the changelings can't fight back.

Sincerely Princess Celestia."

"God fucking damn it." Said Eli.

"It's okay, I can wait, are trying to be slower on this relationship, a day won't hurt."

He thought about it for a moment and replied, "You right, but I don't think I can." As he said that the door flew open, Tsu ran in and shouted.

"Oh my god! A scroll popped out of no where from a princess?! What? That's banana's man! We have to go!"

"Man, I'm sure they can wait, also how did she get your location for the scroll?"

He just shrugged, Tsu grabbed Eli's arm and pulled him to the door, "I'll see you tonight Spitfire!" He shouted as the door shut.

Outside the chariot was there, waiting, Sheath and Charger looked exhausted, Tsu dragged Eli next to the chariot and said, "Come on, we are on a mission from royalty."

"Bitch I was about to bone my gf. I was gonna come after I came."

"Ew." Was Tsu's response. "Well come on, we need to get going."

Eli sighed, "Fine, let's make this quick, I'm not in the mood." Eli hopped on the chariot followed by Tsu, Sheath asked.

"Are you two ladies ready?"

"Depends, does my butt look big in these pants?" Asked Eli jokingly. They rolled their eyes and just started flying.

The flight was actually pretty short, only thirty minutes, Eli decided to sleep, while Tsu looked around at the amazing view.  Though once they reached the edge of the changeling kingdom Tsu slapped the back of Eli's head, waking him up, "Huh what the fuck?!"

"Dude, we're here, wake up," said Tsu, "lets get that headgear on mate."

"Sure." Eli said slipping his welders mask on, Tsu slid on his samurai helmet and checked his shotgun, it was a G&P M870 tactical shotgun, it had a skull carved on the barrel with the word, 'kill' under it.

Tsu also unsheathed his sword, it was a beautiful, and authentic Japanese sword, with an inscription on the handle, which Eli has yet to learn, Tsu has never told Eli what that word means, he wants Eli to learn it.

The guards flew around the shattered, yet overgrown beautiful castle of the changelings, looking for a landing spot. They set down right in front of the main entrance, Eli and Tsu looked to the castle and saw Rue and Anna talking with Thorax and Pharynx.

Eli and Tsu hopped out of the chariot and it flew off to land a bit farther away, Eli and Tsu walked up to the small group. But they stopped, Eli's face lit up, he whispered, "Dude, don't say anything."

Tsu asked, "Why?"

"Think about it." Tsu looked straight and tried to think, and think. Until.

"Oh I get it Eli, a surprise for later, you are a cleaver devil."

He chuckled, "Thanks, we'll reveal you're identity after the fight, but let me do the talking, you're a mute." He made a zipping symbol across his mouth, "Good man."

They continued their walk, it was only like a hundred feet at most, but Rue and Anna turned around and their faces lit up, "Hey Eli and.... Um, who's that?" Asked Rue.

"That's just a friend, found him back on Earth, but he doesn't talk, all I know is that he's a friend."

They backed away from him and Anna replied, "Alright, but I'll be watching him." She turned around and followed Rue and Thorax; then Eli and Tsu fist bumped right before following them.

They heard Thorax saying to the group, "We have seen the portal, it's just outside our borders, a group of changelings went to investigate, but they came back as well.... Monsters."

Pharynx replied, "Ya, I had to kill them or risk having the whole hive die, I like to fight and hurt, but I took no pleasure in doing that to my own changelings."

Thorax continued, "I have the power to close the portal, but if what changed those changelings are still there. Then I'll need help."

Eli ran up next to him and said, "Well you're in luck, we're the best zombie killers out there."

"That's because everyone else who can fight is ether dead, turned, or turned into an insane bandit." Said Rue.

"That's true, but we aren't dead, that should be enough." Said Eli trying to keep Thorax's confidence in them up.

Thorax thought for a moment and replied, "Well, as long as you guys keep me alive, I'll take your word for it. Now, do any of you need anything before we go?" Eli raised his hand, "Yes?"

"Ya, where's your shitter?"

Ten minutes later.

They were leaving the castle after Eli took a giant dump, of which the changelings have called a new record due to the backup it caused. The group was Eli, Tsu, Rue, Anna, Thorax, and Pharynx.

Thorax asked, "Um, is there anything I need to know before we get into combat?"

Eli replied, "Whatever you do, don't get bit, you get bit, and you're dead. Let us pave the way." Eli said flipping his welding mask down, the shimmer of a crooked smile shown in the sunlight, making Thorax and Pharynx shiver a bit.

Rue and Anna got their gas masks on, then they heard a loud shriek, "Eraugh!" They all dove behind a small hill, right above where the changelings fought the mole, a giant barren field.

Rue got a spy glass out and extended it, it was blue with faded gold rings, she looked down. She fell back and removed her gas mask, "Um, there's more than I thought when you said 'small hoard'."

They looked over the hill to see over a hundred zombies hanging around, along with a couple of chargers, "Rue, we'll need some grenades."

She pulled four out of her bag and handed each of them to the group, "Thorax, Pharynx, sit back, and watch the pro's." Their eyes widened at Eli's words.

They all pulled the pins and waited five seconds, then they threw them over the hill, they covered their ears until, "BOOM." Rue took out her AK-47 and Anna took out her M107 Barrett. While Tsu pulled out his shotgun, and Eli cracked his knuckles. "CHARGE!" Shouted Eli.

Eli and Tsu slid down the hill, Tsu took aim and fired two shots, blowing holes into two zombies. Eli got to the ground and threw a right hook, hitting a zombie square in the jaw. He jabbed to his side killing another, he kicked with his spiked boot and went right through a crawler.

Rue fired three bursts and took down three zombies, Anna fired four times and killed... Five? Yes, one was a double kill. Tsu cocked his shotgun again and fired at the closest zombie, blowing it's head off.

Eli shouted, "KILL!" He threw a whole bunch of punches, just killing zombie after zombie with each and every punch, the jagged metal fists making each punch lethal to the soft rotting flesh of the zombies. Tsu fired the rest of his shots and slung his shotgun to his back before pulling his sword out. He sliced up a zombie, cutting it in half, blood and guts gushed out with each slash he took.

He sliced to the right, then left, taking heads off all around him, all Thorax and Pharynx could do was watch in awe, Pharynx said, "You know how I say I'm the toughest Changeling here?"

"Ya?"

"I take it back, I take it so back."

Rue fired the rest of her mag, mowing down a row of walkers, she ducked down and grabbed another mag, Anna fired two more shots, cleaning her mag out.

Tsu was so busy killing what was in front, he didn't see a crawler drag itself next to his leg, it grabbed and bit him, he looked down and saw it trying to bite through the thick padding, he raised his sword and brought it straight down. Going right through the zombie's head.

Eli saw the whole thing and shouted, "Get back, there's too many for us. Thorax! Where are you?! The longer the portal is open the more zombies will come out!"

That was true, every zombie they killed, more just ran though the portal, Thorax flew over the battle and right in front of the swirling, purple portal. His horn lit up and fired, he kept a beam right to the center of it, trying to close it.

Eli shouted, "Rue! We're falling back, give us cover!" She fired the mag into the closest zombies to them, allowing Eli and Tsu to climb up the hill, luckily the zombies didn't seem to know how to get up.

Rue said, "They just won't stop, there's too many."

Eli sighed and replied, "There's something I've been keeping, something for this kind of fight, rage juice."

Rage juice, pure radiation and various other things, made near the end of the war to increase the energy of the user, increase in speed and strength, but it comes at a high cost. During it's use the user will go into a rage, killing everything and one around without knowledge of friend from foe.

Mostly used by bandits with nothing to lose in order to kill the most enemies, now back to the present.

"No, you can't, we'll just... um..."

"Rue!" He shook her, "There's no other way to take out a number like this in a group this dense, Just stay up here, and I'll handle it."

She sighed, "Very well, but I'll have Anna here ready to shoot you with a tranq. Okay?"

"Very well, that's the best option, and if I die, tell Spitfire I love her." He got out a syringe filled with blue liquid, he rolled up his sleeve and took a deep breath before shoving it right into his arm, making all of them shiver.

He pumped the juice in himself and pulled the empty syringe out, "Run." Was all Eli said before he jumped down." He landed on a zombie's head and shouted, "I-I-I'm ready to.. RUMBLE!" His eyes glowed green under his mask, he threw out ten punches in under a couple seconds, each one blowing a zombie's head up.

He said, "RAGE!" He threw multiple punches each second, just slaughtering all the zombies as they got close. Even a charger rushed him, but he threw a punch so hard, it went clear through the head, barely affecting Eli.

Thorax was steadily closing the portal, each second it got smaller, until poof, it wasn't there, but there were still over fifty zombies.

"I did i-" Thorax was cut off by the speed, and brutal fighting from Eli, "Oh my."

And in the blink of an eye and a field of blood, all the zombies were in a large pile, with Eli at the top, he shouted, "I, AM, GOD!" He turned around and shouted, "KILL!" Anna took that chance and shot him right in the neck, he fell off the tower of corpses and landed right on his ass.

***

Eli slowly woke up, he seemed to be on a grass bed, a bed with grass under it as a sort of mattress, he was still wearing his armor, but his blood coated gantlets, bag, and mask were on a table next to him. He rose up slowly, groaning each inch he rose.

He was sitting up, wobbling a bit, before he felt the need to vomit, he saw a trash can next to his bed, which he brought up and hurled right into.

He hurled three loads into the bag, which was all a thick green color, "Oh god I just hurled, blegh, anyway." He put the can back on the ground, he looked over and saw a purple changeling land next to him, she said.

"Well, you're free to go, there doesn't seem to be much wrong with you, but then again, I don't know human bodies."

"Alright, well do you know where the other humans went?"

"I'm not sure, but Thorax would know, he's at the throne."

Eli grunted as he stood, "Thanks." He walked away from the bed and followed the corridors to the throne, which wasn't hard to find, every path seemed to lead that way. He passed the final corner and saw Thorax sitting on the throne like the changeling said.

Thorax was chatting with Pharynx, Eli walked up and asked, "Hey guys, where's the other humans?"

Thorax replied, "They went outside, near the battlefield, drinking and making sure all the zombies are dead."

"Thank man, be seeing ya." Eli turned around, but Pharynx flew in front of him and asked.

"How did you fight like that? I used to think we were the toughest, but after seeing you before and after you injected yourself with that stuff. You proved I have a lot to learn, but how did you do all that, what kind of training did you go through?" The changeling seemed very curious.

Eli's smile turned into a frown as he said, "I fight like I have nothing to lose, I honestly don't care if I survive a fight, I just want to kill as many of them as I can."

"What did you lose?" Asked Thorax.

He started to walk away, but before he left the room he said, "Everything." He walked out, leaving the two confused.

He was walking to the exit of the hive, thinking, "Holy crap was that dramatic. Damn I didn't think I was that cool. Now they think I'm dark and mysterious, perfect! I wonder how drunk the guys are? Probably hammered to hell, which would be great."

He exited out of the entrance and looked towards the distance, and there sat three beings he knew very well. He saw all of his old friends, sitting around having fun, he knew that even if he will die soon. He brought them together and made their lives something they can enjoy.

He walked up to them, Tsu looked back and said, "Hey man!" They fist bumped, "Dude, that was one of the coolest things I've ever seen, and I've seen some fucking cool ass shit bro." They high five'd.

Rue hugged him and said, "That was beyond stupid, but it was also brave, and what had to be done so. Thanks for risking yourself, but don't so anything that stupid again, alright man?"

"I'll keep stupid to a minimum, but no promises." Said Eli, Anna handed Eli a giant glass of booze, he didn't know what it was, but he gulped it down like it was amazing, it tasted like spring water aged for a hundred years in Lindsay Lohan's pussy. "Whoa, what's that?"

Tsu replied, "It's a special brew the changelings brewed themselves, and I'm starting to think I need to bring a couple barrels of that with us."

"A few?" Asked Eli knowing the answer.

"Alright, most of it." They sat down and just looked out at the beautiful night sky, Eli took a deep breath and savored the moment, surrounded by his friends, with amazing booze. He was perfect. Although he won't have the same tune the next morning when the hangover kicks in.