Shining Armor is a young adult and taking an interest in mares. A certain mare very close to him can help him in a very special way. Incest. Clop in every chapter.
8164149 The story continues. :) 8164405 Steel, that was a fantastic comment. Would you mind seeing what I've come up with since then? 8340367 As promised, more has arrived. 8336318 You asked. I've delivered. 8165784 Look again.
This story is super hot, but I also love how much depth and heart it has. Genuinely interested in Shining and his friends' lives and what's happening to them all, and also everyponies' lives and circumstances. The way there's actually some kind of setup that leads to the (inevitable) coupling also makes it both more compelling and more hot, yet at the same time more bizarre, and only works because it's set in the pony world. It's an excellent job of using magic and elements of MLP to craft a story that works both for what it is (sexy wincest) and also a good piece of fantasy drama. Eager for the next chapter, but glad it's having time taken to make it worth reading.
Okay... I LIKE it, but, and this is a bigbut: Everything after the scene where she texts herself feels like a completely different story. The tone, the pacing. Her reaction when she discovers what happens is somewhat believable. But I would think that she would have tried to cover it up, for the sake of her son's sanity. But then we get an exposition dump, which feels poorly timed. Or rather, it comes across too calmly for the energy level of the scene. She's surprised, confused, and rightfully angry. And then, for some reason, aroused!?
"Shiny, honey, be honest. Do you like mommy's body?"
Hey, look, it's no secret I loooove me some ShiningVelvet. But the pacing of this transition and the rest of the scene is supersonic compared to the rest of the story. In the context of everything else, it feels so out of place as to be jarred out of immersion. Like whiplash. Over twenty thousand words of story with complex characters, and nuanced plot, only to culminate in a sex scene straight out of a porno by Kanashiipanda (praise be unto he) with lines like:
Because mommy has the biggest, best tits.
Again, which isn't to say that the scene bad. I think it was was hot as hell! But it just feels out of place in this story. I just think there needed to be a more emotional transition regarding their feelings for each other, rather than just addressing that he is attracted to her 'body type', and she's a nymphomaniac that would sleep with any stallion (to include her own son). It just makes it feel... I don't know, shallow? And that makes me sad. Because this story is so good. And I believe it could be great! It is so close.
Dude, you make fantastic points and I 1110% agree. Not to worry, there are chapters yet to go and they're going to get into psych. I'm not 100% sure how much is going to be delved into or how far it's going to go, but expect at least 3 more chapters. Those lines you hilighted were also meant to be read as if she were slathering them with a thick glaze of arsenic. Just imagine "- you sick fuck!" after each one for what I intended. You'll see this kind of jerking, erratic response isn't out of character for her at all. I do agree that I could have done better to build her character beforehand instead of leaning of this flimsy "just you wait" kind of excuse.
Thanks for reading and giving me feedback. I have huge respect for you as an author and want to write something that even a man like you thinks is worthy of praise.
Thanks, Starwind. I plan on CH3 coming out in a few more weeks. Definitely by Colombus Day. Stay tuned, we're getting into the dark and dirty next time.
Over twenty thousand words of story with complex characters, and nuanced plot, only to culminate in a sex scene straight out of a porno by Kanashiipanda
I can't help but completely disagree. The sex in this story feels so dry for the most part, porno dialog could've actually served to make it easier to read. If there's gonna be less of that, well, color me uninterested with the rest of the story I guess.
8163875
Take a look at the latest chapter.
8164149
The story continues. :)
8164405
Steel, that was a fantastic comment. Would you mind seeing what I've come up with since then?
8340367
As promised, more has arrived.
8336318
You asked. I've delivered.
8165784
Look again.
You magnificent bastard! That was hotter than the last chapter.
Hot stuff... I wonder if Shining will be satisfied with just his mother though...
Does need a bit more editing than what was provided. Numerous typos call this chapter home.
Quality decrease.
8414576
Are you volunteering?
8414656
When I return home, certainly. If you'll have me, that is.
8414943
Welcome aboard.
I was afraid some of those paragraphs were gonna devour me.
This story is super hot, but I also love how much depth and heart it has. Genuinely interested in Shining and his friends' lives and what's happening to them all, and also everyponies' lives and circumstances. The way there's actually some kind of setup that leads to the (inevitable) coupling also makes it both more compelling and more hot, yet at the same time more bizarre, and only works because it's set in the pony world.
It's an excellent job of using magic and elements of MLP to craft a story that works both for what it is (sexy wincest) and also a good piece of fantasy drama.
Eager for the next chapter, but glad it's having time taken to make it worth reading.
Okay... I LIKE it, but, and this is a big but:
Everything after the scene where she texts herself feels like a completely different story. The tone, the pacing. Her reaction when she discovers what happens is somewhat believable. But I would think that she would have tried to cover it up, for the sake of her son's sanity. But then we get an exposition dump, which feels poorly timed. Or rather, it comes across too calmly for the energy level of the scene. She's surprised, confused, and rightfully angry. And then, for some reason, aroused!?
This line had me like:
media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/f72z-R3AeBOhof1KUkwdKmD_a-I/fit-in/1024x1024/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2016/05/25/813/n/1922283/6b963531f741ff9d_7070966/i/He-Hilarious-You-Guys.gif
Hey, look, it's no secret I loooove me some ShiningVelvet. But the pacing of this transition and the rest of the scene is supersonic compared to the rest of the story. In the context of everything else, it feels so out of place as to be jarred out of immersion. Like whiplash.
Over twenty thousand words of story with complex characters, and nuanced plot, only to culminate in a sex scene straight out of a porno by Kanashiipanda (praise be unto he) with lines like:
Again, which isn't to say that the scene bad. I think it was was hot as hell! But it just feels out of place in this story.
I just think there needed to be a more emotional transition regarding their feelings for each other, rather than just addressing that he is attracted to her 'body type', and she's a nymphomaniac that would sleep with any stallion (to include her own son). It just makes it feel... I don't know, shallow? And that makes me sad. Because this story is so good. And I believe it could be great! It is so close.
8446453
Dude, you make fantastic points and I 1110% agree. Not to worry, there are chapters yet to go and they're going to get into psych. I'm not 100% sure how much is going to be delved into or how far it's going to go, but expect at least 3 more chapters. Those lines you hilighted were also meant to be read as if she were slathering them with a thick glaze of arsenic. Just imagine "- you sick fuck!" after each one for what I intended. You'll see this kind of jerking, erratic response isn't out of character for her at all. I do agree that I could have done better to build her character beforehand instead of leaning of this flimsy "just you wait" kind of excuse.
Thanks for reading and giving me feedback. I have huge respect for you as an author and want to write something that even a man like you thinks is worthy of praise.
8444502
Thanks, Starwind. I plan on CH3 coming out in a few more weeks. Definitely by Colombus Day. Stay tuned, we're getting into the dark and dirty next time.
8416507
data.whicdn.com/images/8163869/large.jpg
YES I don't know if you did that on purpose with the souls reference but I gotvit and I love it
8638209
\[T]/
Capisce is a real word. Not that it matters.
8446453
I can't help but completely disagree. The sex in this story feels so dry for the most part, porno dialog could've actually served to make it easier to read. If there's gonna be less of that, well, color me uninterested with the rest of the story I guess.