I honestly didn't expect Silver to be in school, I thought he was going to be a shut-in like Futaba in Persona 5, but it's okay, also, the shy, timid personality was a nice touch, great job!

YEAH! Day one of school! Make sure to buy any food that grants you SP! and Woo! Curios Libre is here yay! Can't wait for the next Chapter

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Can you even get that at this point in the game?

8342953

... maybe some sort of fruit or beverage vendor in the market... lol if only vending machines existed in the story lol

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For Silver Flame, I didn't really just wanna copy Futaba's storyline. So, he's a shut it with moderation. Goes through school, goes straight home fight after.

8343273 It's okay, I understand wanting to try something a little more original

Nice job on Finish Line! You got him down perfectly!

8343775
Thank you!

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A small note on cruel, I don't know if i was able to convey it in our discussions but she's EXTREMELY sharp in the intelligence department. Just something to keep in mind.

Just bit of a minor adding for Belle Rose in your story that she specializes with flower language.
List for flowers mean (Link)

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Got it!

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Got it. I have a feeling she and Silver Flame will be meeting up quite often.

YES!!! I saw her, and she was fantastic!

She was actually perfect too. Thank you SO MUCH for that!

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Your welcome. She might not show up much in the beginning, but she'll show up more towards later parts.

8347854
Your welcome. She might not show up much in the beginning, but she'll show up more towards later parts.

“I am not worthy of this place!” Creation yelled out.

Shaddap!

“You and me both, Color Butt.” Cinnamon replied, earning a glare from her two relatives.

In Persona 3, there were some questions to be asked about blue-hair going with Yukari on the first day, imagine how it'd turn out with two.

Hey,
lh3.googleusercontent.com/-8ApSFDj88ls/VjgXzWUAY5I/AAAAAAAAJfw/D0PE2irZ1rY/s426/15%2B-%2B1
You're already popular, huh? Goin' to school with two girls.

Dude, they're my cousins.

img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com/dd76741ab1a8f8c46e340eaf68d9b9e5/http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v295/Aoihikari002/Junpei%20Iori/junpei_shock.png

“Sure. You can sit here. You’re more than welcome to! I’m Finish Line!”

I take it this guy's the Junpei of this adventure?

“Don’t joke like that!” Cruel Fate yelled, as she started to scold Finish Line.

I-it's not like I thought it was f-funny or anything! ...B-b-baka!

she was shorter than the average mare, well for her age.

Oh my god, I'm right. Also, should there not be a comma after 'well' to make it more clear which use of the word this is supposed to be?

An earth pony colt, with a blueish-gray coat, and dark red hair, which was a bit spiky on one side,

I'm having a hard time imagining what he's supposed to look like.

His cutie mark was that of a face. Half of the face had a mask on. The mask had a neutral expression, while the other half of the face had a mischievous smile upon it. He looked over at Creation Nation, and smiled.

First of all, that really doesn't look like it should be segmented into smaller sentences like that.

Second of all...
バァ、ン

"H-huh..? Wh-where am I..?" He said cautiously. He looked around, and saw a cloaked figure. Piercing orange eyes glowing in the shade of the hood's shade. Creation started to shake in fear. The figure looked at him, and started to walk towards him. The being walked on two legs, so it couldn't be a pony.. Creation started to back up, soon turning around to dash for it. All he saw a black limbo before him.. Nothing else... Just darkness.. He felt something yank on his tail. Upon this force, Creation fell and turned around, soon to be pinned down by this creatures massive claws. He saw.. This beast.. It bared it's teeth, which were a pearly white.. A black ooze soon, came pouring out of this creature's mouth, starting to splatter on Creation's coat.. It was thick, unlike any liquid he felt. Then, the unexpected happened... The more black fluid that came out from the creature, the more Creation was enveloped by it, like it was wrapping and constricting itself around him... He started to struggle with all his might, but nothing he did helped.. I started to cover his hooves, his flank and his main body... Soon, it started to crawl up his neck, around his head.. Soon, it started to suffocate him as it covered his nostrils and mouth.. It was like drowning almost... He struggle and struggle.. But soon, he felt no pressure.. The substance cleared from his face only to reveal-

ゴゴゴゴゴ
Also, wow, Grammarly's going so crazy with this paragraph I don't think I want to specify.

Looks, like he’s gonna have to slow down a bit.

Remove the comma, and you'll be good.

I started to cover his hooves, his flank, his main body...

The sentence should start with "It"

8979486
Thank you.