After being shown the wonders of generosity by her friend Rarity, Coco Pommel goes out of her way to help somepony in need. He repays her in ways she hadn't expected.
Rule of romance stories I've learned: If you reach a point where your audience knows all either character has to do is say, "I like you" to the other to get together, the pacing is off
A gray coat with a black mane with a lineage of bankers, he feels his cutie mark must be hereditary though he can't seem to hold the related career for very long for one reason or another.
At the end of the day, porn is still porn. It was never my intent to draw this out into a full-length romance story, but I still felt I needed to add depth to my characters, otherwise it just felt shallow and unsatisfying.
Ahh, you're slippy guy, I'm actually starting to feel for Prime. From giant plothole to dedicated sweetheart. The locket was sweet, as well as Coco's reaction and identification of what might be his real talents. I'm enjoying this more and more as I go on, which is the sign of a good story and good writer.
The only negatives I can really give is that you could be a bit more descriptive about everything: Surroundings, facial features and expressions and the like. These are things you'll improve upon as you continue your craft, just keep them in mind and keep up the good work
I enjoyed it, though I think the Author's Note would be more effective at the top than the bottom
Rule of romance stories I've learned:
If you reach a point where your audience knows all either character has to do is say, "I like you" to the other to get together, the pacing is off
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Maybe I shouldn't be writing these chapters at four in the morning?
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A gray coat with a black mane with a lineage of bankers, he feels his cutie mark must be hereditary though he can't seem to hold the related career for very long for one reason or another.
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At the end of the day, porn is still porn. It was never my intent to draw this out into a full-length romance story, but I still felt I needed to add depth to my characters, otherwise it just felt shallow and unsatisfying.
agh, im actually physically distraught there isnt more of this! please write more.
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The next chapter is already written, I'm just ironing out a few details.
I also want to release the next chapter alongside my other story "Into the Twilight," so that people can read both on the same day.
*squees*
Does he remember what he was doing when he got his cutie mark? Banking is more than likely not where his talent lies.
Ahh, you're slippy guy, I'm actually starting to feel for Prime. From giant plothole to dedicated sweetheart. The locket was sweet, as well as Coco's reaction and identification of what might be his real talents. I'm enjoying this more and more as I go on, which is the sign of a good story and good writer.
The only negatives I can really give is that you could be a bit more descriptive about everything: Surroundings, facial features and expressions and the like. These are things you'll improve upon as you continue your craft, just keep them in mind and keep up the good work
WELP this took a dark turn.