I'm in love with the CoCo.

"Do you really think I'm pretty?" I heard her timidly ask.

"No, I don't think you're cute Coco. The word 'cute' belongs to fillies in grade school.

Other than this little discrepancy, not bad. I hope the OC gets a little more characterization, but so far it's still looking promising.

8023559
Fixed it, and more characterization will come, I just don't like to come out and state his appearance, because I believe that's a sign of poor writing.

8023569 I mean personality, not appearance. At the moment, he's kinda just standard.

8023634
Let me rephrase that. I'm planning on fleshing the character out as a whole throughout the chapters rather than say everything at once, I want there to be something new to learn every chapter. You don't come to appreciate a character when you have everything laid out in front of you.

So now, we know he comes from a family of bankers and that he has a grey coat and mane (or is the mane the color of the suit's interior?). Plus, we know he has brothers. So, what will we learn next?

"I insist," I start off, staring her in the eyes, "I know you're being generous, but you're going too far. I need to become independent eventually, and I hate having to rely on someone else. Please."

Don't you know that ponies/people are supposed to have other people/ponies to love?

How do ponies not know who the Elements of Harmony are?

Cartoon/ Writer logic!
(News must NOT travel from Ponyville...)

She bit her lip, "Well if neither of us can agree, then I guess we'll have to share."
Pray for me Celestia, the temptation to sin is present within me.

JUST BUCK ALREADY!

She had already nestled under the covers and the lights were off, so I carefully slid under the covers on the opposite side of the bed, making sure not to make contact with her in any way.

A gentlecolt through and through... until later with the 'Sex' tag...

"Do you really think I'm cute?" I heard her timidly ask.

YES!

Plus she went down the stairs first, so the view was a nice bonus.
Shameless.

Naughty Jack, naughty.

"I'll pay!" Coco nearly shouted, causing nearby costumers to glance over at her in confusion.

Adorable.

Still a wonderful job writing Coco, that silly little mare. Also I'm glad to see a bit of humility from Prime is nice, even as he's watching her flank like they're glued to it