This story takes place around another universe with the end of Season 4 after Tirek's defeat, the end of the first Equestria girls movie, and before the second movie.
Around eight months has passed since Tirek was defeated by Princess Twilight and her friends, things are starting to get back to normal...or whatever counts as normal around their home anyways. But it seems like normality is gonna have to wait for these six ponies...a new evil is coming, a powerful entity from Luna and Celestia's past coming back to not only haunt the two princesses but the entire region of Ponyvile along with it. It's reign is approaching, Suffering will rise, Bloodshed shall spill, death and decay will be present in due time. Will the Mane Six stand up a chance against the horrors coming there way?
(This story can range between Teen to Mature rating, during each scene due to it's gore and darker elements, don't worry it won't have too much gore in it)
Ya got some pretty nasty tense errors there, I would try to work on that. It makes the story choppy and hard to read, at least for me.
I like it.
I have to say it's pretty good for a first story. But, since you asked, I'll give some tips.
Don't over describe things. It makes the story confusing and unnecessary long. I got confused during the first part.
Second, it's good to work with sentences of different lengths. And you do that well. But sometimes, the sentences are too long.
And finally, I noticed that you swith from past tense to present tense. (She threw the ball... later on, you wrote 'she says') try to make clear in what tense you're working at.
Oh, and some tips to keep in mind for future stories and chapters: don't repeat yourself to much, and use the miniskirt method. Long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep things interesting. :)
That's all what comes to mind. Just keep on writing, keep on practicing, and don't give up. You're doing a great job. A lot better than I did
7957695
thanks for the advice, it is my first story like i said first time for everything right?
7958053 absolutely. And I hope not the last time. Your plot is pretty good.
I hope I was a bit of a help to you.