Hooves, Snouts, and Scootaloo's Wings
Chapter 6: Hooves, Snouts, and Scootaloo’s Wings
Sometimes, laughter just isn’t appropriate, and sometimes, one just can’t help it, and sometimes... well, sometimes it’s just too worth it to try and fight it. Flying Grace wasn’t intentionally trying to spurn her syrup-drenched special somepony with her fit of derision, but she couldn’t deny that it had been one of the most hilariously heartwarming scenes she had witnessed in some time, and for her appreciation where Quakehoof had none, she contented herself to indulge his patience for a few moments longer. So great was her surprise at hearing not a growl, but a soft, deep chuckle that she ceased her own cachinnation to ascertain if this was a “you’re right, it was funny” laugh or “hahaha, that colt is so dead” snicker.
“Pardon me, dear, but are you alright?” Grace asked gently, trotting over with a wet washcloth and starting to clean the gooey mess away.
“Indeed. I will admit I am torn between savoring my daughter’s smile or teaching that colt a thing or two about respect with the underside of my hoof,” Quakehoof replied, shaking his head slowly. “You seem quite calm, and I know it isn’t just because of your sense of humor. What’s going on, Grace?”
“Dear, do you really think I would just let any colt just wander over and try to win Scootaloo’s heart?” Quakehoof chanced a smile at the rhetorical question, holding his silence as Grace finished cleaning his face and tilted his chin up with a gentle hoof so she could clean his chest. “I am not attempting to be nearly as controlling as how this would appear to Scootaloo, but if a little protection saves her from further heartbreak, then I will bear her future outburst with what grace I can. The truth, Quakehoof, is that Gale did a bit of spying yesterday, and says that all it took was a day to see the colt was of sound heart.” She went on to explain the colt’s living situation and everything else Gale had gleaned from his short time monitoring the colt. Quakehoof was by no means unreasonable, and Grace breathed a sigh of relief and gratitude as the last of any lingering hostilities drained away.
“It seems that being devious is paramount to being a noble mare. Any particular reason I wasn’t informed of this earlier?”
“Oh, and ruin this morning's fun?” she chuckled, cleaning the last of the mess from her stallion’s foreleg and rewarding his good behavior with a tender kiss while Hope blew raspberries of approval from the table. Grace willingly melted into Quakehoof’s gentle embrace, though as she locked her hooves around his mane, she found quickly she had missed a few spots. “Pity Rainbow Dash and Storm aren’t back to watch Hope. There are far more appealing ways of being cleaned than a washcloth...”
“Mom, I’m home~!”
“Oh, now that’s fortuitous indeed,” Grace tittered, pulling away and sending Quakehoof to get the water warmed up while she welcomed Storm and Rainbow Dash. “Welcome home, Storm. Now, judging by that lopsided grin, I’d assume that you both had a rather enjoyable evening yesterday, but I highly doubt it could have topped Scootaloo’s.”
“Oh yeah?” Rainbow Dash instantly replied with a competitive grin. “Let’s see, we bathed in a giant bowl of ranch dressing, had dinner with Discord, watched Rarity and Twilight dance on the table after having one drink too many, and, oh yeah, Whisper finally spoke.” Grace allowed her daughter-in-law a few fleeting seconds of victory before wiping the smug expression from her face with a slight fabrication that neither of them saw coming.
“That sounds lovely, Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo found a coltfriend.”
“She what?!?” they both cried in unison. “Come on, mom, there’s no way I can compete with that!” Dash continued, shooting a worried glance at Storm who was quite a bit more shaken by the statement than herself. “Wait, no, you have to be lying or something. There’s... there’s just no way!”
“Well, they aren’t official just yet, but... well, I’d give it a few months at the most, if you two are any barometer.”
“No!” Storm said emphatically, pounding a hoof. “Mom, come on! She’s only eleven! You can’t honestly say you approve, do you?”
“Storm, I see no reason to place an age restriction on finding somepony who will always be there for my daughter. However,” she followed, raising a hoof to stave off further protest, “I also do not approve of anywhere close to the level of... physical interaction that you and Rainbow Dash shared when you were dating. Besides, she has yet to accept it herself, and is quite... excitable about the subject.” Storm’s expression shifted from hesitant to nonplussed, slowly moving towards immature glee as he caught his mother’s hidden meaning.
That smile... “Mother... I would almost think that you’d like us to give her grief about it.”
“The more she is forced to confront her desires for male companionship, the more appealing acting as a lady will become. They left just a little bit ago, and if I had to guess, they probably haven’t made it to school, being somewhat... distractible, but you didn’t hear it from me.”
“Storm, did your mom just give us both free license to torment your little sister?” Dash asked, her grin slowly growing before even receiving an answer.
“Yes... yes, I believe she did.”
“I am so there!” Dash exclaimed, her brilliant magenta eyes shining with the fires of mischief. “Oh ho ho, this is gonna be great. Come on, Storm, let’s go pay them a visit!” A squeal from the kitchen bid Grace return, though as she trotted over to give Hope a much needed cleaning, she couldn’t decide which she would rather have: a shower with Quakehoof, or a front row seat to whatever would unfold between her children.
After an appropriately frantic mad scramble away from the Gatekeeper and his hooves that would likely be a one-shot k.o. to both Pipsqueak and herself, Scootaloo called a rest so that she could have herself a proper laugh, during which she eschewed any semblance of grace by giving herself a dust bath. Pipsqueak, while he was every bit as amused with the morning’s escapades, found his mirth tinged with the strangest inkling of something else he couldn’t quite describe, but it seemed to grow in direct proportion to the amount of time he spent with Scootaloo. He had heard the phrase “fire in yer belly,” but he always thought that was more in reference to chugging grog, not simply beholding a wannabe tom colt in all her split personality glory. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the other night when she was dancing in the skies though, so he said nothing and resumed his usual mode of conduct.
“Ye got a lot o’ nerve, but if ye hadn’t stepped in, I fear this captain may have ended up looking very much like our vittles. Thanks ye fer the assistance.”
“Always ready to help the captain!” Scootaloo replied enthusiastically, scrambling to her hooves and throwing him and easy salute. “So, does this mean I get a promotion?”
“Ye be gettin’ a wee bit ahead o’ yerself, lass,” Pipsqueak laughed, breaking into a grin. “Still, ye did help me take on a fell beast, so aye, no longer shall I call ye ‘deckswab.’ From now on, ye’ll be the ‘deckhoof,’ an’ that’s a fair step up. Means ye don’t ‘ave t’ shine me boots!” His hearty laughter was cut off as Scootaloo expertly severed the cord tying together his bravado with reality.
“Do you even have boots?” Pipsqueak was stricken, and Scootaloo cringed at the genuine horror stamped on his muzzle.
“I... I don’t have...” He sat down hard, blown away by the revelation. “It’s all over, mate! Just toss me overboard, I ain’t fit t’ be Captain no more! What kind o’ imposter calls ‘imself Captain without a proper pair o’ boots? I’m... I’m a sham! A cad! A rotten, two-faced blackguard with a soul o’ coal! No wonder mah crew is only two ponies strong...” With one last dramatic growl of disgust, Pipsqueak promptly faceplanted and continued his rant.
“Yeesh, take it easy, captain!” There was a temporary lull in the muffled exclamations of a defaced pirate, and Pipsqueak fell silent for a moment while Scootaloo said her piece. “Do you really think the eye patch and sword is what makes a captain?”
“...Ys?”
“Well, it isn’t! I don’t follow you around ‘cause you dress funny. I hang out with you ‘cause you’re fun, and you turn even the most boring stuff into an adventure! I mean, burying treasure? It’s brilliant! You weren’t dressed this morning, but you still managed to be awesome!” Scootaloo asserted, plopping down beside the colt and giving him and encouraging shove. Pipsqueak pried his face up, now covered in dirt, gave Scootaloo an uncomfortably scrutinizing glance, before sullenly continuing his foray into the field of pedology and returning his muzzle to the comforting indifference of the soil.
“Hmph. Stl dn hv muh bts.”
“Sheesh, what’s it take, huh?” Scootaloo exclaimed, exasperated with her captain’s unprecedented bout of stubborn self-pity. “They’re just boots, and...”
“Jst bts?!? Wt y meen, jst bts? Bts r...”
“Pip, I can’t understand a word you’re...”
“Just boots?!?” he started again, yanking his head from its earthen pillow and scrambling upright. “How can ye say ‘just boots,’ lass? Every captain since the beginning o’ ferever has always had ‘imself a good pair o’ boots! Ye can tickle me ears all ye like, but it don’t change a thing! I must have looked like a dang fool, traipsin’ around, wavin’ my sword in the air...”
I... think he’s actually upset? It’s hard to tell, but he sure doesn’t look happy. “Are ye finished?” Scootaloo wasn’t sure if it was her tone of voice that caught him off guard, or her first attempt at pirate speak, but either way he regarded her with wide eyes as she continued. “Fergive this lowly deckhoof fer speakin’ out o’ turn, Captain, but ye’re actin’ like a whiny lass o’ the worst kind. Ye don’t ‘ave a pair o’ boots? Then adventure some up! That’s what ye do, isn’t it? Look fer treasure? Well, if boots make the pirate, then I wager it’s my job t’ help rustle up a pair fer the good captain.”
“Ye’d...” She’d still call me captain, after me cabin fever got the best o’ me? Without a pair o’ boots or a blade t’ me name? That’s... so... so sweet, I think I’m...
...is he crying? What the... Scootaloo may as well have just asked him to marry her then and there, so moving was the gesture, and even the salty sea dog couldn’t help but gingerly take the hoof of the sweetest lass he ever did see and offer his thanks with misty eyes. Scootaloo flushed deep crimson the instant hoof contact was made, and in that moment she felt that terrible, wonderful sensation in her chest that had first popped up the night before.
“Ye do me a great honor, Scootaloo. I could sail every sea, an’ ye’d still be the sweetest lass o’ all Equestria. Thank ye.” I hope she knows I mean it. Did I get that right, Gale?
Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh! He’s holding my hoof! He’s totally holding my hoof! But... he... so soon? No! Stop it! That’s not what he’s doing! Well, yes it is, but it’s not that! Right? It isn’t, right? We are not having a ‘moment!’ Come on, snap out of it, Scootaloo! She slowly dropped her gaze to her hoof, which despite her numerous pleas to return to its rightful place flat on the ground, remained comfortably in Pipsqueak’s own which she couldn’t help but notice was ever so slightly warm. And gentle. And awesome.
“Uh, are you ok?” Her face isn’t normally that red, is it? Am I doing something wrong here? His eyes followed hers down to his hoof, and suddenly, the captain realized that he may have been a tad too forward in his thanks. Belay that order, port side hoof! Return t’... well, t’ port, you wayward... hoof? Scootaloo, yer makin’ mah innards catch fire!
Ok? Ok?!? How could I possibly be ok? I’m holding hooves in broad daylight! And I’m liking it! No, no I’m not, it’s not true! Just yank it away and tell him to never, ever do it again! “Y-yeah, I’m, um... fine. Thank you.” ...what the hay just happened. Thank you?!? Oh, come on! This isn’t right! Somepony, anypony, help! I’m being wooed by the captain!
Desperate for an out, Scootaloo slowly and with great effort spread her wings, but that seemed to be the limit of her abilities as she swallowed hard, her eyes slowly lifting from her hoof to meet those of the colt that was rendering her hopelessly head over hooves girly. It was horribly tantalizing and aberrantly enjoyable. All mental commands to initiate flight were disrupted by the palpitations of a heart unprepared for roguish chivalry, and thus it was that somepony else had to step in and save the two. Sadly, that pony was Storm. He was not pleased with the proceedings, nor the condition of his dear little sister’s wings, and thus adopted an appropriately menacing growl and landed with great force directly behind Pipsqueak with Rainbow Dash landing a short distance away to watch and, if necessary, save Pipsqueak’s life.
“Hooves... off.”
“Ahoy, who be... orderin’, uh... the captain?” Pipsqueak began, his confidence slowly petering out as he turned and beheld a stallion dark as the night and nearly as large as the Gatekeeper. Uh oh, he looks really mad. What in Equestria did I do this time? Should I just apologize, or... shoot, he’s coming at me! Scootaloo was still too stunned to speak, her hoof still held aloft even though it was no longer being cradled, and it only made Storm even more suspicious that something had happened. A single step forward, and Gale’s advice went out the window.
“Random encounter! Scootaloo, form battle ranks!” Pipsqueak cried, leaping backwards to give himself some space and again cursing fate for throwing him in such a situation without a proper means to defend himself. “Scootaloo, get back! He’s... Scootaloo?” Wait a minute... could it be... I’ve learned Charm? This fight will be a cinch! Let’s try things the easy way first with a bit o’ smooth talkin’! What was the word for that again? Dip... Dipll... Something. “Ye look like a reasonable lad. What say we settle our differences over a pint, eh?”
“Oh, trust me... The fact you’re still alive is enough to prove I’m being reasonable,” Storm growled. “Dash, could you make sure she’s breathing and, if possible, put her wings away?”
“Sure thing,” she replied quickly, trotting over to tend to the filly who was just starting to regain her composure.
“Now then... what’d you do to my little sister, huh? And don’t even try to tell me it was nothing. I saw her wings clear as day.”
I swear, all anypony ever does is accuse me of this, that, and the other thing! That’s it, I’m done with this diplomancy or whatever! If he wants a fight, then fine! “Ye don’t ‘ave yer facts straight, an’ I don’t care t’ give ‘em to ye! You’ll ‘ave t’ fight me for ‘em, so prepare yourself, Storm. Let’s have at ye, blackguard!” Storm moved from protective to confounded as the colt appeared to very seriously be preparing for a fight, one hoof scoring the ground while the rest of him tensed to lunge.
Is this colt for real? Does he really think he has a chance? Oh well, saves me the trouble, I guess. “Ok then, Pipsqueak. Come on, hit me with your best shot!”
Diplomania canceled. Initiating newly acquired skill: Charm. Activate max swagger. Charging... complete! Storm raise an eyebrow as the colt suddenly lost his battle sneer and replaced it with the most disconcerting leer he’d ever seen, made more disturbing by virtue of the fact that it appeared genuine, and it wasn’t pointed at Scootaloo.
He’s not attacking. He’s standing. He’s standing, staring, and... he’s walking over. No, wait, that’s not walking, that’s... sauntering? What the hay am I looking at here? Storm tensed, expecting a surprise attack, but what he received was far worse. With the allure of a rogue, the voice of a lark, and a smile sure to knock anypony’s socks clean off, Pipsqueak wrapped Storm’s hoof in his own just like he had Scootaloo’s, flashed his pearly whites, and ruined Storm’s day.
“My, what soft fur you have! In all me days, I ain’t come across hair so fine as yers, lass.”
“...did he just say that?” Rainbow Dush murmured. Scootaloo could only nod, watching in absolute bafflement as Pipsqueak attempted to use his dreaded powers of woo for evil.
“Goodness, where’re me manners? Speakin’ o’ yer coat when ye ‘ave such beautiful shinin’ gems twinklin’ down at me. Ye do this humble soul too grand a service fer me t’ ever repay, allowin’ me the pleasure o’ beholdin’ yer radiance. Indeed, yer much too lofty a prize fer this colt t’ ever obtain, but if I may, allow me t’ keep ye on me pedestal. Would ye, lass?”
What... the... buck... Storm couldn’t conjure any other thought nor phrase, so he repeated the mantra over and over while Pipsqueak’s voice mercifully faded out. Mental walls to protect his sanity were raised in short order, and the dreaded words became a dull murmur as Storm retreated inwards. Pipsqueak let his hoof drop and slowly took a step back to survey the damage.
Deactivating swagger. Commence offensive measures. Special Move #2: Pirate Tackle! Scootaloo watched in awe as a single bodily blow toppled the giant, and as Storm lay in a daze on the ground, her hero took his place atop the beast, savoring his victory.
“Scootaloo, that colt is crazy. You sure that’s what you want?” Rainbow Dash asked, grinning down at the filly who couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away.
“Uh huh?” Scootaloo murmured, spacing a few seconds more before shaking her head vigorously as Dash broke the spell entirely.
“Awesome. Sweet catch, Scootaloo.”
Sweet catch? Awesome? Pipsqueak, you just got the Rainbow Dash stamp of approval! Yes! Wait, why would I need approval? It’s not like we’re... Darn it! “What was the question? No, I didn’t say that! It’s not what you think!” Such words swayed not a mind, and as Rainbow Dash tended to her disgruntled husband, Scootaloo nervously glanced over at her captain, standing tall with an adorably oafish grin plastered on his muzzle. It’s hopeless. I’m so done... It could be worse, I guess. What if one of my friends had seen... that?
“I have a friend~
and she’s a filly...”
“Oh, please no...” Scootaloo begged, cringing as Sweetie Belle’s voice came out crystal clear and drawing closer. Occasionally, Sweetie Belle would use her vocal talents for purposes so nefarious, Discord himself would disapprove. Encouraged by the approving laughter of a dragon who was the calm in her storm and slightly jealous of Scootaloo’s percieved freedom in being able to choose whoever she wanted as a coltfriend, Sweetie Belle let the words flow and put them to melody, closing her eyes as she sauntered closer, wondering how many shades of red Scootaloo could turn in a day.
“‘Do you like a colt?’
I asked one sunny day.
‘I’ll never by mushy!’
Is all that you could say~
Now what’s this I see?
your cheeks are burning red
and though it makes me blush
I watched as your wings spread
Why, oh why~
would you lie to me?
You’re head over hooves,
it’s plain for all to see!”
“Sweetie Belle, please...” Scootaloo begged, receiving a relieving smile from the songstress as she drew close and gave Scootaloo a reassuring hug. Scootaloo nodded her thanks to a beaming Sweetie Belle before she burst back into song for the finale.
“Why do you hide it all inside?
Just let your love run free~
Pipsqueak, don’t let her go
together you should be~
you’ll never meet somepony quite like her
the one you gave her first wing b...”
Her chorus was abruptly cut off with a mouthful of dragon claw, and as she peered up at Spike with curious eyes, he discretely whispered into her ear what exactly she was about to sing. As she glanced around at the shocked expressions she was receiving, her gratitude towards Spike grew yet a little more to match the pink flushing her cheeks.
Yikes. I knew I got carried away while singing sometimes, but that was just bad. “Thank you, Spike,” she murmured before scuffing the ground awkwardly as she offered everypony an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that. I was a little... caught in the moment.”
“A... a little?!?” Scootaloo shrieked, hiding behind Rainbow Dash and not daring to look at Pipsqueak.
“Ok, maybe little more than... a little...”
“Sweetie Belle, if Spike hadn’t stopped you, I don’t think it would have been just Scootaloo that was upset,” Dash stated, struggling to keep a straight face. The fact was she’d have been breathless laughing had Sweetie Belle finished her impromptu song, but judging by Storm’s less than amused expression, she knew it was in everypony’s best interest if she maintain her self-control. “Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, you’re going to be way late to school if you stick around. Pipsqueak, you, uh... just... run.”
“A fine idea, lass! Train well, deckhoof! I’m off to find me some boots!” Without a further thought to the matter, the young colt was off on yet another adventure, seemingly unfazed and curious as to why everypony had gotten upset. Scootaloo took Rainbow Dash’s advice and retreated towards the relative safety of the stronghold for higher learning, along with a bashful Sweetie Belle and a still chuckling dragon who didn’t fully comprehend the gravity of the situation.
“Oh, come on. They were only holding hooves,” Rainbow Dash soothed, wrapping her hooves around Storm in an affectionate embrace. “It didn’t really take much more than that for you when we first met, you know.”
“You just had to bring that up,” Storm muttered, begrudgingly letting his exasperation go. “You do realize that this means war, right? Scootaloo just won the first battle, but there’s no way she’s winning the war.”
“You’re assuming that I haven’t already started planning,” Dash countered with a wicked grin, eyes shining with a devious light. “That little colt has guts, but he toppled my stallion. There’s no way he and Scootaloo are just going to be let off the hook. Those two are so in for it!” Rainbow Dash was about to take to the skies when she paused, her husband adopting a sensuous leer that piqued her curiosity, though what came out was even better than the most sappy, sentimental drivel he could have conjured. She wasn’t in the mood for that anyway, and testament to their bond, he gave the perfect response for her current state of mind.
“You know, I think you’re hottest when you’re plotting to ruin somepony’s day. It just... gets me every time. Now then...” he continued, growing serious. “Let’s plan a little fun for my little sister...”
Elsewhere in Ponyville, removed from the hijinks and frustration of friendship, siblings, imagination, and other such intrusive factors, Applebloom was finding that all it took to brighten her day was a little Rumble. Romantic inklings aside, she simply found his friendship to be enjoyable, and he was as well-spoken as he was easy to talk to. Sure, he hadn’t seen her at her worst, yelling at every inanimate object that dared invoke her wrath, and honestly, she hoped he never would, but Applebloom was content to simply enjoy the morning walk to school, confident that whatever tests her sister came up with, contrived or not, her new standard for perfection would clear them all with ease.
“So, if ya don’t mind me askin’, how’d yer brother end up with, ya know... two mares?” Applebloom asked after their conversation hit a lull. It was a sensitive subject she knew, but she was dying to know how anypony could handle keeping two mares, and sisters at that, both happy. “Ah’d think they’d both get jealous o’ the other an’ fight a lot.”
“That was year one,” Rumble replied evenly, unfazed. Actually, he was rather grateful that she was not only taking an interest in his own life, but tackling a touchy subject without a shred of condescension or disapproval. “I mentioned that they had to work through a lot, and I wasn’t kidding. It seemed like every day almost that one of the two was upset about something, and that was before either of them were officially dating. Thunderlane didn’t really make a whole lot of friends, nabbing the interest of two highly desired mares, and with our parents gone, I kind of became his confidant, if that makes sense.”
“Ah guess, aside from tryin’ t’ date two mares at the same time. Ah just don’t get it, Rumble. Ah ain’t tryin’ t’ be mean, but ‘ow come he kept tryin’ when things were goin’ so poorly?”
“Why do you think?” Applebloom slowed to a stop, causing Rumble to do the same as he watched the filly carefully.
Ah know ah’m bein’ tested, an’ as calm as he appears, ah know this is important. Mah first guess would be indecision, but nopony could be that bad or go through as much as Rumble says he has just ‘cause he can’t make up his mind... “Uh... love?” Well, that was ‘bout the weakest response ever. Maybe ah shoulda said...
“Uh huh!”
“Wait, ah was right?”
“Uh huh.”
“So that means ah pass, right?”
“Pass?”
“Yer test.” Rumble blinked, his head dipping slightly lower as he stared blankly. “Wasn’t that a test t’ see if ah was... somethin’?”
“Uh uh.”
“Did ah break yer vocabulary when ah whacked ya?”
“Uh...huh?”
“Musta done more damage than ah thought...”
“Uh...”
“Now stop that!”
“...nuh uh!” Rumble countered, leading her on and taking a few steps backwards. Applebloom was fully prepared for a chase, one she was determined to win, but sadly, Rumble just couldn’t catch a break. As Applebloom broke into a gallop, Rumble promptly spun one hundred eighty degrees, pushed off hard and made it maybe a hoof length before slamming face first into a nearby cart. “Uh...”
“Ok, now you got plenty o’ reason t’ speak like a neanderpony,” Applebloom murmured sympathetically, plopping down beside the colt and helping ease him into a sitting position while he nursed his smarting muzzle. “Please tell me it ain’t just ‘cause yer around me that ya keep gettin’ hurt. You were like this before, right?”
“Uh huh... Gosh, that smarts,” he muttered, rubbing his snout. “Although, I think it’s gotten worse ever since I started hanging out with Pipsqueak. That colt comes up with all sorts of crazy, and I always walk away with a few ‘battle scars’ as he likes to call them. Still,” he paused shooting her a wink, “seems I’ve found somepony to top the captain in pain-issuing activities.”
“Just ‘cause ah don’t ‘ave mah mallet don’t mean ya get a free pass,” Applebloom chuckled, waving a warning hoof in front of his face. “Are ya gonna be ok? Can ya walk?” Rumble gratefully accepted her offered hoof and rose shakily to his feet, swaying a little as not just his snout, but his entire head began to throb. He really didn’t feel like letting on just how miserable he was feeling, so he simply decided to deviate from their course a little.
“Come on, I’ll show you my house quick, then you can get to school. How’s that sound?”
“Sure, ah’d love to!” Playful banter resumed until they arrived at a house much like any other in Ponyville, it’s only distinctive feature being that it was Rumble’s house, and not some other pony. “So this is it, huh? Strange, ah don’t see any holes...”
“Har har,” Rumble replied, feigning indifference.
“Hey, look at that. Yer learnin’ new words already. Maybe you should run into more carts.”
“And maybe a certain filly shouldn’t break my vocabulary further,” he shot back, all smiles. Applebloom allowed him a win, bowing her head and looking adorably sheepish. “Listen, you may want to just, you know... leave now,” Rumble urged, appearing visibly nervous. “If Cloudchaser and Flitter are here, they might...”
“Oh, now just stop it,” Applebloom interjected, her confidence on full display. “Ah guarantee that whatever is behind that door ain’t nothin’ compared t’ mah family. Besides, they all sound real nice, an’ ah’m just dyin’ t’ meet yer brother.”
“You’re sure?”
“Uh huh! Or should ah use smaller words?”
“Ok, you asked for it,” Rumble chuckled, closing his eyes and easing open the door. Two mare’s voices blasted out in unison as the colt was swept inside and used as a stand-in beach ball.
“Rumble’s home~!” Flitter cheered, catching the colt as Cloudchaser tossed him inside and squeezing him tight before handing him off to her sister as she rushed back inside, twirling a few times before collapsing on the couch in a fit of giggles, leaving a rather shocked and slightly jealous Applebloom standing in the doorway entirely ignored.
“So, how come our favorite little colt didn’t come home last night, huh? Were you spending the night with your special somepony?” Cloudchaser teased, sitting upright with a start as the colt flopped onto his back on the couch, waiting for the room to stop spinning.
“Oh my goodness!” Flitter exclaimed, rushing over and gathering the colt into her hooves. “What happened to your poor little face? And dear goodness, your sweet little head got all banged up! Oh, my poor, poor Rumble!”
Ok, mah emotions are a tangled mess right now. Those are ‘is brother’s fillyfriends, but they got their hooves all over Rumble an’ ah know there ain’t anythin’ to it but it sure makes me wish ah had mah mallet. Why am ah gettin’ so worked up? Is it always like this over here? Applebloom could rationalize a little tender affection, but she drew the line when Flitter kissed the lump to make it all better. “Hey! Get yer hooves offa him! He’s mine, ya hear?”
“Rumble, is this true?” Cloudchaser inquired, peering back at Applebloom who was currently giving her tongue a dressing down for speaking out of turn.
“Uh huh! Cloudchaser, Flitter, this is Applebloom.”
“Uh... what ah meant t’ say was, uh...” Now where’d that mess come from, huh? It’s bad enough that boat won’t listen t’ orders, but now mah own tongue is against me? How am ah supposed to fight that, huh? Let’s start with somethin’ simple, like “It’s a pleasure to meet ya both.” “...howdy?” For being so dainty, Flitter sure could close the distance fast, and Applebloom soon found herself held aloft like a filly would treasure a brand new doll.
“Goodness, you’re just as cute as Rumble! Just look at that bow... Oh, and your accent is just too adorable! Right, sis? Am I right?”
“I suppose we may be able to let her be with Rumble,” Cloudchaser replied with a grin, trotting over and scrutinizing the filly at hoof’s length. “Hmmm, earth pony, huh? Interesting Cutie Mark...”
“...ah’d thank ya kindly t’ not stare at mah flanks, miss,” Applebloom said unsteadily, everything happening so fast that even her dauntless spirit was somewhat shaken. “Rumble, little ‘elp here?”
“Uh...”
“Don’t you dare.” Rumble gave her a cheeky grin and promptly remained silent, stubbornly folding his hooves across his chest. “Oh, come on now, really? Rumble, tell ‘em t’ put me down.”
“Flitter, I think she wants a hug.”
“Now hold... oof! Goodness, mah lungs...” Applebloom gasped as she was passed to Flitter and given an unexpectedly tight embrace. “Ok, ah’m sorry ah broke yer vocabulary! Just make ‘em put me down!”
“Uh huh! Come on, you two. You heard her.”
“Awwww...” was the mutual response, though they complied and set the filly down. Applebloom took a moment or two to simply enjoy the freedom of being able to breath before looking up to find Rumble with an apologetic smile.
“I warned you...”
“An’ trust me, ah’m gonna listen next time. Flitter is stronger than she looks,” Applebloom remarked, peering over the mare who simply gave her a cheery wave before going back to her enthusiastic conversation with Cloudchaser that was whispered just loud enough they could hear, but too soft for either Rumble or Applebloom to make out the words. “Ah’m gonna be late if ah don’t head out, but is it ok if ah come back again soon? Ah still need t’ meet yer brother, an’ next time, ah’ll come prepared fer those two.”
“So long as you leave your mallet at the farm, sure!”
“Spoilin’ mah only chance at survival...” Applebloom muttered, brightening as Rumble accompanied her to the door. “Thanks fer havin’ me over an’ introducin’ me t’ yer family, Rumble. Ah’ll ‘ave a talk with Applejack and see if we can’t get you over for dinner sooner rather than later.”
“Oooh! Dinner~!” both mares cried in unison.
“Goodness, am ah gonna ‘ave to invite them too?”
“Hey, that could be fun!” Rumble exclaimed, immediately latching on to the idea. Applebloom covered her face with a hoof, heaving a sigh and peeking back out at Rumble.
“Dear Celestia, what ‘ave ah done...” Applebloom muttered with a sigh.
“Better set places for three more.”
“It’s gonna be dinner with Discord all over again...”
“What was that?”
“Nothin’!” she quickly covered, content to never again relive such memories. Besides, if it’s with Rumble, then there’s no way it’ll be that bad. Who knows, maybe Applejack will get more than she bargained for an’ leave me an’ Rumble alone after her plan backfires! Ah can hope, anyways... “All right then, ah’ll ‘ave a talk with Applejack. See ya later, Rumble.” Rumble bid her goodbye, waving as she adopted a gallop to make up for lost time. He slowly close the door, stared blankly at the wood for a moment, before turning back to his expectant audience and addressing them with a somber tone.
“I stayed up till Luna knows when fixing her fort, was unceremoniously given a mallet nap, have fallen from a barn, and run face first into a cart. Please excuse me while I pass out until it’s time for school. Also? Yes, she’s cute. Thank you.” Nodding his thanks to both mares for maintaining their silence, they watched as the colt stumbled into his room and closed the door.
“Mallet... nap?” Flitter pondered aloud, wincing as a muffled groan echoed from the other room as Rumble yelled a short dirge into his pillow. Cloudchaser gave a nervous chuckle and slung a comforting hoof around her sister, who had just realized the phrase meant exactly what it sounded like, comprehension kicking after Rumble had allowed himself to show just for a moment just how bad he was feeling. “Cloudchaser, how much do you think colt sized armor would cost?” Nervous chuckles became unabashed laughter as Cloudchaser wandered into the kitchen to get some ice for Rumble while a frantic Flitter pressed her point. “Hey, where are you going, sis? I’m serious! He’s not even going to have a face left by the end of the week! Sis? Are you listening? Cloudchaser~!”
“So, let me see if I got this right...” Spike started, looking first at Sweetie Belle and then back at Scootaloo as they waited for Applebloom outside the school. “Pipsqueak came over to your house, won your mother’s approval, blasted your dad with syrup, had a mental breakdown because he didn’t have boots, and got all mushy on you... all in the space of an hour?”
“Yeah, how awesome is that? It was the best morning in, like, forever!” Scootaloo exclaimed, flying a few circles before landing again and prancing back.
“And you’re sure you don’t, you know... ‘like’ him?”
“Ewww, gross, Spike! What gave you that idea?” Scootaloo shot back, recoiling in disgust.
“Nothin’. No reason,” he replied evenly, sharing a knowing grin with Sweetie Belle.
“Listen, just because I think Pipsqueak is a ton of fun to hang out with and he’s the only pony I’ve met that can pull off being totally crazy, cool, and sweet at the same time doesn’t mean that I’m going to start wearing dresses for him, or doing my mane, or writing down the cute things he says in a journal, or... or anything!”
“Do you even hear yourself right now? We didn’t even mention any of those things.” Sweetie Belle’s assertion came as quite the shocker to Scootaloo, who had been hearing such things before they arrived and was confident that somepony had to have said something at some point to put them in her head. After all, it was a preposterous notion that she, the coolest filly in town, was head over hooves for anypony... right?
“Wait, but you didn’t... are you sure?”
“Positive. Look at that, Spike. Scootaloo’s already a step ahead of us.”
“What? No, that can’t be right!” the orange filly cried, horrified that she was actually being compared to the mushiest of her friends and even more worried that there might be some substance to the claims.
“You’re right, Scootaloo. Sweetie Belle, she hasn’t even admitted it yet,” Spike interjected, offering the pegasus a temporary reprieve.
“Not explicitly, no. Or maybe too explicitly, if this morning was any indication,” Sweetie laughed, grinning as Scootaloo stomped her hooves and growled.
“For the last time, I was going to fly! Nothing else! And it most certainly wasn’t a...”
“Howdy, y’all!” Applebloom called out, interrupting their argument nicely and trotting over, grateful for a chance to catch her breath as she slowed to a stop. “So, anypony else have a...” she started before the bell that signaled the start of class rang out across the yard. “Awww, now ah ‘ave t’ wait until recess t’ talk?”
“Bye, Spike. See you after class, maybe?” Sweetie said hopefully as the other two started towards class.
“We’ll see. It depends on if Twilight has stuff she needs help with today, and actually,” he paused, appearing deep in thought, “I have a little research to do myself. I’ll try to meet up with you at some point today, though.” Sweetie Belle resisted the urge to part with a hug, but Spike nodded his understanding as he met the filly’s longing gaze with his own.
“Blech, come on, you two,” Scootaloo urged, having stopped to watch. Sweetie Belle gave Scootaloo an evil grin and whispered something as she trotted past, piquing Applebloom’s curiosity over what would cause Scootaloo to turn such a brilliant shade of red. “Would you drop it? Sheesh! You’re obsessed, Sweetie Belle. Everything’s romantic to you.”
“I dunno, holding hooves is pretty romantic.”
“Wait, Scootaloo was doin’ what now?” Applebloom exclaimed, shocked. Ah thought fer sure ah was gonna end up bein’ the first. “Woohoo, thanks, Scootaloo! Ah feel a lot better now!” Ceasing hostilities long enough to wonder what had gotten into Applebloom as she all but danced into the school house, they took their seats as Cheerilee set down her chalk and prepared to start the day.
“Well, good morning, class! Anypony have anything exciting happen to them this morning?” Three filly hooves shot up in unison before the rest, and the three friends shared mutual looks of mirth and confusion combined. At least, until they were called on.
“Well, since you don’t normally volunteer, let’s start with you, Scootaloo...”
“Why, if it isn’t my favorite little dragon!” Rarity remarked cheerfully as Spike let himself into the boutique. She was already entrenched in filling her orders, but she made eye contact long enough to flash him a smile before returning to her sewing. “Come in, make yourself at home. I hope it’s alright that I keep working. You would not believe how much work I’ve let pile up...”
“No, I believe it,” Spike reassured her, chuckling a little as he all but waded through spools of thread, bolts of fabric, and other miscellaneous items pertinent to the eminent seamstress of Ponyville. Pulling up a spare chair, he stood atop it and watched her work, and Rarity noted with a mix of relief and amusement that he honestly seemed interested in her work rather than her face.
“It seems that you truly have moved on,” she commented as she reoriented the fabric to begin a new stitch. “I don’t know if I ever told you, Spike, but your constant, eh... infatuation was actually a great source of encouragement to me. But it would be dreadfully selfish if I were to keep such a thing for myself if I was unable to return the sentiment, would it not?” She paused, not having meant for the conversation to so quickly delve into serious matters, and turned to Spike with a grateful smile. “However, I couldn’t be happier that it is to be my little sister that receives such unfailing devotion. Do treat her like a lady, would you?”
“Huh, I wish your parents thought the same way,” Spike muttered with a snort, crossing his arms. “As it is, we’re going to have to break some poor colt’s heart just to throw them off our trail...”
“Spike, dear, you’re not making any sense. What are you talking about?”
“Oh, you know, nothing serious,” he replied dismissively, his voice laden with sarcasm. “Just the fact that your parents are convinced that nopony good enough for Sweetie Belle exists within Ponyville because she’s set to be the next Sapphire Shores and any colt that thinks otherwise is delusional. Clearly, she needs a suave, smooth-talking, two-timing, no-good mare-beater from somewhere snappy like Manehatten, because being happy just isn’t the life of a star, right?” Hey, I’ve seen that eye twitch. That means... Oh, dear Celestia...
“Please tell me you aren’t serious.” It wasn’t a question, nor a request, but a rhetorical statement that deemed any response other than “yes, it was a terribly out of place and inappropriate joke” worthy of the full fury of a livid mare. Spike, however, was all too eager to hear somepony share his frustrations aloud and with much more eloquence than he could ever hope to muster.
“You didn’t know?” Spike replied, his wry grin almost smug as he anticipated the outburst that was to come. “Let’s see if I can remember what they said this morning... Oh, right, something like ‘don’t go getting any silly ideas in your head that you’ll be with somepony here.’ Me and Sweetie Belle can’t hardly even be seen together. She let slip that she may be interested in somepony, and now they’re demanding to see him. I came up with the idea of introducing somepony sure to fail their test, like...” Spike began before being partially deafened by a howl of indignation.
“They said what?!? Why wasn’t I informed of this earlier? The very nerve, trying to control who Sweetie Belle is allowed to like. Uncouth, barbaric... unacceptable!” Each word was punctuated by her hoof slamming upon the table, the reverberations resounding throughout the boutique like thunder. “Old fashioned I may be, but if there is one thing that a mare should be free to choose, it’s her romantic interest, and I daresay nothing better than you, Spike, could be found even should they search all of Equestria!”
“Wow, tha...”
“Not now, Spike. Rarity is ranting,” she said sweetly, giving a dainty cough before returning to her fiery oration. “I cannot believe they never learned their lesson from raising me... Did you know they once tried to determine my career after I earned my Cutie Mark?”
“Oh, right, they’re trying to control that, too.” Spike took malicious satisfaction in the way each new piece of information seemed to flush the mare’s cheeks with crimson, not because of the blatant consternation it was causing Rarity, but because he was just as wroth as she. He just... couldn’t match her dramatic intensity.
“Are they?” Rarity growled, narrowing her eyes. “In what way, exactly?”
“Well, I heard they’re saving a ton of money to blow on some really expensive vocal trainer. Sweetie Belle loves singing, but she sounded anything but happy about it.”
“And why would she be?” Rarity raged, knocking her chair over as she leapt to her hooves. “After all the trouble I went through earning the right to choose my own path and pursue fame on my own terms... It’s simply... rrrrrgh!” Spike had never seen anypony but Twilight burst into flames, but if it was, in fact, something pertaining more to being a unicorn than being a magical bookworm, then Spike was pretty sure Rarity was reaching combustion status, and he instinctively took cover behind the desk.
“Sweetie Belle, how could you not tell me of this? I thought we were sisters! She’s in for an earful on keeping secrets this afternoon. Oooh, those parents of ours... Spike! Come here this instant!”
Geez, what have I gotten myself into? I was just hoping to blow off some steam, but Rarity is taking it way further than that! There was a moment of silence as Spike slowly popped his head up over the desk and peered across at a mare who, before he fell for Sweetie Belle, would have held him captive in her frightful allure, but no more. Now she was a terrifying ally in his march to win Sweetie Belle’s heart, and fear quickly turned to giddy anticipation as he jogged over and stood to attention before the mare. “What do you need, Rarity? Anything you ask, I’m ready!”
“Ready? Oh, but you misunderstand, Spike,” she cooed in a disturbingly sweet tone. Spike wasn’t the bravest, he knew, but he wasn’t a coward either, though regardless, Rarity’s words still sent a tingle down his spines. “Tell me, do you think I’m a capable mare?”
“Uh... yeah? No doubt, but...”
“I think it’s time my parents got a little lesson themselves. I do not need you to do anything, save come with me and make sure I don’t tear them to pieces.” Offering an argument, cautioning the mare and calling for rationality, or anything pertaining to logic or deterring Rarity from her set course was effectively pointless, and thus, as she swept out the door, Spike prepared himself for seeing Rarity in her prime and bolted after her, making no effort to stave off the laughter boiling up from within.
I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but if it works out better for you, Sweetie Belle, then I'm all for it. Waiting is hard enough; you don’t need to be miserable, too. Quieting as determination solidified like concrete, Spike dashed after Rarity, his jaw set and his mind calm. After all, nopony could stand up to a mare whose will was as hard as the diamonds upon her flanks.
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Rarity just went into a shit-fit can't wait to see how that turns out.
Oh and good stuff as usual, i was wondering when this would come and then it did
Sweetie's parents better RUN!!
If I were in Storms place, I'd be straight to Starfall Tavern and see if Silver had
any drinks to erase memories!!!!
Can't wait to see AJ's reaction when she hears about Thunderlane and
his "partners", that will be an interesting conversation!!!
And wouldn't like to be Rarity's parents right now, that just screams
run away really really fast!!!
I just saw you in the "Featured" box! Great work!
It's ass-kicking time!!!!
Awesomeness! That is all.
I saw this in the feature box and was like "Finally". I CANT wait to see where this is gunna go
Spike kissing Sweetie in the end
With the allure of a rogue, the voice of a lark, and a smile sure to knock anypony’s socks clean off, Pipsqueak wrapped Storm’s hoof in his own just like he had Scootaloo’s, flashed his pearly whites, and ruined Storm’s day.
HAHAHAHAHAHAA!! Pure WIN. Though I'm a little surprised Storm took it so badly. Especially considering what he did to Shining Armor that one time. I guess he just can't handle being on the receiving end of things
.
1041900
That was at the time a possible life or death emergency.
and i thought flutterrage was scary....
Wow, Pipsqueak just lives in his own world doesn't he. Also, he is starting to seem a bit manic or something, I suspect sad things to come.
“Not now, Spike. Rarity is ranting,”
Next chapter sound like it's going to be glorious.
1042029
Thank you. I was waiting to see someone point that line it. It is the most Glorious line from Rarity EVER!
"After all, nopony could stand up to a mare whose will was as hard as the diamonds upon her flanks."
Probably should change that to, "After all, nopony could stand up to a mare whose will was as hard as Scootaloo's wing b-" "Howdy, ya'll!"
1041467 I'd be surprised if this fic DIDN'T get featured. Literally ALL the others did.
Alright story, it's official. In my favorites you go
Hold on, let me get this straight,
Rainbow and Storm are out for Scootaloo and Pipsqueak's blood,
Rarity is fixing to go apeshit on her parents,
and Applejack is going to have dinner with Rumble's family...
How could the next chapter get any better?
um..
I think I just shit myself.
1043625
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/154/479/yoda-real-shit.png
no words can describe how much of a win this fic is. :)
1043765 THAT. I couldn't have said it better.
Parents of Rarity and Sweetie Belle,
img.ponibooru.org/_images/704a65b5c8298201d5bf89dfa0d01005/130303%20-%20animated%20big_macintosh%20brace_yourselves%20macro%20reaction_image%20shitstorm.gif
Also, I fully support Pirate Pipsqueak. He is amazing.
win squared my friend, win squared.
the current character interactions in this chap are already enough to get me hooked, but all the set up for the next chapter makes me giddy.
well done my friend.
Honestly, this is the craziest chapter I have ever seen.
I feel a little sorry for Storm, I mean how could that not break anyone's brain?
Defensive big brother? FIRE THE SWAG CANNONS!
Tears of laughter my friend.
TEARS. OF. LAUGHTER
i cant wait to see rarity explode on her parents.
...if what she did to carrot top is any indicator i would say her parents will need saving by the end of it.
I really like the PipsqueakXScootaloo parts. Still eagerly awaiting for a line referring to "pirate booty".
1041900
Wasn't that Cerulean who did that to Shining Armor?
1069226 Cerulean got into a fight with him, but Storm and RD were the ones who pretended to be his lovers to distract him.
1041245 That right they better run cause...
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/132988456850.gif
at first thought pip is going to die. then dam he won that man that one lucky colt.
1041300 I'd ask for vodka
In any hypothetical situation that lands me in a bar/tavern/
Proper way to pronounce and spell this is Bllagard, but is somewhat loosely used as what you wrote in the story, the reason this phrase is used as an insult is because there is a black sea urchin which some people would call "blackguard"which would accumulate on the decks of ships and once stepped upon would leave a trail of this black substance that the urchin excreted. It would be very messy and would stay on your boots if not properly polished, the phrase was turned to bllagard so as to sound more like an insult and it was used upon people who where either a royal pain in the ass (due to the substance getting everywhere on the bottom of your boot) or to reference a traitor (due to the fact that you wouldn't really realize that you stepped upon it and once you did realize it had already gone and made a right mess of things) A little etymology for you
The next chapter.... It gon b Gud!
Alert the captin! a shitstorm is o' brewin'!
Uh oh... Rarity is going Lina...
[img] http://static4.fjcdn.com/comments/3986128+_0e29a0446d96d138e7f1b06aa63261cf.jpg[/img]
Rarity is pissed, Rumble's family at the Apple farm and Scootaloo's first wing boner?
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/175/b/7/fluttershy_wingboner_animation_by_captainfantasticjt26-d54o7iw.gif
And now! The new word of the new year: Malletnap! And when u look it up, a picture of applebloom with a -you guessed it- MALLET!
1834313 I smell trouble with Rarity's family...
Oh my god...it is really hard to place a relationship better than any other here...
's boyfriend into mush...combined with newly learned good manners, to make it even worse!
We have a clash of two...well...protective and special families clashing soon in the dinner of doom.
We have the tom-boy filly who is - to her unending horror - easing up into being girly and overly female and her friend, the delusional pirate who has enough swagger to turn
And then we have the shitstorm of the overprotective sister (and possibly the dragon too) versus two over-controlling parents. Helicopter parents they are called, right?
Ah well, I simply enjoyed the chapter from beginning to end immensely.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/150/964/manure%20just%20got%20real.jpg
Pipsqueak treats the world like Pokemon
I just want to say that it made me ridiculously happy to see a polygamous relationship in this story. Very rarely are they seen in stories, at least the ones I have read, where they are portrayed well. They have their rough patches, but the love you have for your partners makes all of the difficulty worth it. Thank you for writing such beautiful stories.
Ys?
5554261 Ys.
This is so funny. And so utterly, utterly adorable. Incredibly overprotective family on most of those fillies though and kinda controlling, even Grace. And that kinda rubs me wrong.
My second favorite thing in this, other than the main characters, are the supportive families. Twi and the Rumble household because they are hilarious in their support and Rarity because she is brilliant. And because it warms my heart to see her in the role of great friend to Spike and fantastic sister to Sweetie. And the sweet "not now, Rarity is ranting" was perfection.
Honestly, the Storm and Dash parts of this series sorta drag it down for me. They seem to exist solely for the same 'misunderstanding gets exaggerated so they get confronted and look ridiculous' arc, sometimes more than once per story although so far it was mostly just Dash every time. For characters that don't appear that often, that makes their irregular appearances preeeetty important for establishing their dynamics with important characters in the story and it has the additional effect of making similar events very noticeable. It just really doesn't jive for me in this world where everyone else keeps pretty constant vigil on past mistakes and attaching them to future situations. Otherwise, enjoyable (which I guess is rather obvious since I wouldn't have read this far otherwise).