Filler Foolery
Chapter 10: Filler Foolery
“So remind me again what we’re doing?” Silver Spoon murmured, regarding the plain looking house that she and Ruby were nearing with a droll look of boredom. The ever enthusiastic unicorn filly beside her had been adamant that she not simply return home to sulk, but rather accompany her as she did a little charity work. Having been born and raised within a family where money was no object and the term “needs” was often translated as “wants” due to an abundance of wealth, Silver Spoon had little idea what it was Ruby actually meant.
“Silly, I told you before; we’re helping other ponies.”
“...for how much?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yep!”
“And why are we doing this again?”
“Because it’s fun!” Ruby declared, jumping onto a doormat bearing the image of a carrot. “Listen up, miss fancy schmancy. There are ponies all over the place with problems and worries, and it’s our job to work together and help fix them.”
“Why? Let somepony else do the dirty work,” Silver Spoon replied, more bewildered by the notion than anything. Everything you just said right there is the exact opposite of Diamond Tiara. I... kinda like it, though.
“Silver Spoon, if I had taken that attitude, I think there’d still be a very sad filly on the swing set all alone.” Ruby immediately worried she’d pressed her point too far as Silver Spoon turned her head away, staring aimlessly at the dirt and saying nothing. “I...”
“You’re right.” A smile slowly came back to both of them as Silver Spoon nodded slowly. “I’m not much for getting my hooves dirty, but I guess I can deign to help you.”
“Deign to... oh, right,” Ruby chuckled, rolling her eyes as begrudging charity was laced with snooty elitism. “‘Cause it’s such a pain in the flanks.” It’s kinda strange, talking to her. It’s like... she’s still kinda snobby, but her words don’t really feel pointed like they did when she was with “that other one.” This might actually be fun! Taking heart in the faint smile bordering her new friend’s lips, Ruby knocked a few times and grinned up at a perky yellow earth pony with a definitively orange mane. “Afternoon, Carrot Top!”
“Hey there, Ruby. Wait, no, don’t tell me... you’re here to help in the garden?” the mare replied, heaving a sigh of relief. “You couldn’t have picked a better day. Hello there, Silver... wait, Silver Spoon?” she remarked, doing a double take as the filly held her head high and stared down her nose at a mare she’d normally have little dealing with. “Ok, well, gardening is out of the question if, er...”
“Nope, you had it right the first time,” Ruby assured her, grinning widely. “I’m on a mission to cure the miss of priss, and seeing how she’s an earth pony, I figured there’s no better way to get her back down to earth than working with plants.”
“...are you saying that earth ponies are only good for growing food?” Silver Spoon asked, minorly peeved. Ruby gave her an apologetic glance that quickly reverted to a cheeky grin before she turned back to Carrot Top, motioning her closer and speaking in a whisper loud enough for Silver Spoony to hear.
“As you can see, I’ve got a long way to go,” Ruby snickered, sticking out her tongue as Silver Spoon tried her best reproving librarian look, to no avail. “How bad is your garden?”
“Really bad. I’ve been a little distracted lately, so...”
“Perfect! Let’s go!” Turning, she found Silver Spoon yet again giving her a blank stare, like she was some creature never before revealed to ponykind. “Oh come on, my third eye isn’t that noticeable, is it?” Ruby quipped, bounding over and eagerly awaiting the next half-hearted jibe that, oddly, she had found rather fun to play off of the last two days. Instead of a rebuttal, Silver Spoon simply continued to stare deep in thought, and while she flinched slightly at the hoof being waved frantically in front of her face, her thoughts remained concealed and on track, and Silver Spoon quickly found that she held some measure of power over Ruby as well. “Hellooo? Anypony home?”
“Of course. Come on, let’s go before we’re left behind,” Silver Spoon said, beginning to trot after the mare who, upon realizing her help was dilly dallying, had stopped and respectfully maintained her silence, though her mouth did come slightly agape at hearing Silver Spoon be the one to move things back toward the garden. Ruby quickly caught up and adopted the closest Silver Spoon had heard to a whine yet, the filly indulging just a teensy bit of selfishness as her inquisitive itch was inflamed and left unscratched.
“What was that all about?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, Silver Spoon, that so was not nothing!”
“It so wasn’t, you’re right.”
“Aren’t you gonna tell me?”
“Oh, look, I can see the carrot field.”
“Silver Spoon!” With a challenging grin pasted on her muzzle, the gray filly turned and promptly turned Ruby’s words back upon her with ease and the sweetest of glee.
“I think I feel my inner earth pony coming back.”
“Oh, don’t you dare. Silver Spoon, get back here!” Ruby shouted as her friend darted ahead towards the neatly organized rows that had, due to negligence, become crowded with weeds. Silver Spoon’s plans only extended to the “tease, laugh, escape,” levels, and thus as she actually entered the area and her hooves dug into the moist, rich dirt, she came quite suddenly to a halt and was completely bowled over by Ruby, who she had momentarily forgot was still seeking an answer to her sudden lapse into introspection. As the world stopped spinning and Silver Spoon's vision came back into focus, she realized that Ruby was laying across her in an undignified giggling heap, and she quickly shoved the filly none-too-gently from her chest and stood, dusting herself off and pointedly looking away.
“Whoa, easy there,” Ruby chuckled, picking herself up and rubbing her side where a hasty hoof had unceremoniously toppled her from her place of rest. “At least you don’t have to worry about getting dirty, since we already are, right?” Ok, this is the part where you flip out for getting tackled, or make some snide comment, or... or something! Why is she so quiet all of a sudden? “Silver Spoon? Are you ok?”
“I-I’m fine...”
“Are you...”
“Yes.”
“Because...”
“It doesn’t matter! I’m fine, ok?” Silver Spoon shouted, whirling on Ruby for just a moment before turning back around.
Either her face flushes really easily, or she’s more mad than she’s letting on. Sheesh, you try to help a pony out... “Well, if you’re ok, then it’s time to start. Anything extra you need done, Carrot Top?”
“Nope,” the mare replied, amused by the strange proceedings and especially interested in the bizarre timidity being displayed by Silver Spoon. “Just a thorough weeding today. I’ll start on the opposite end, and we can meet in the middle. With three of us, this shouldn’t take too long.” Holding her peace until Carrot Top was out of earshot, Ruby turned to find Silver Spoon giving a rather good sized weed a look that should have withered it on the spot.
“I cannot believe I am about to be doing something as menial as pulling weeds...” she muttered, batting the offending flora with a hoof and snorting. Is this really what I’ve been reduced to? Tossing my class out the window, and for what? “Hey! What the...” she shouted as a weed landed square between her ears in the upright position, the moist earth keeping it firmly in place as she gawked at Ruby, currently feigning innocence and yanking more weeds with practiced skill. Pride would not let the filly ignore such an open declaration of war, and suddenly that horrendous weed became a choice weapon in Silver Spoon’s arsenal, one that was thrown with surprising speed and accuracy into the flank of one unicorn filly.
Huh... that was actually kind of... fun. This might not be so...
“Weed fight!” Ruby’s battle cry galvanized Silver Spoon into action, and where once a chore sure to take several hours loomed over the head of one lofty filly, an afternoon of fun settled in its stead. Pedigree may have bid Silver Spoon refrain from such barbaric entertainment, but she couldn’t deny that, despite her disgust with the dirt pervading her mane and coat, it was the most fun she’d had in quite some time. Ruby sat poised, ready to strike when she was forced to take a moment to appreciate the genuine smile with which Silver Spoon regarded her, and despite of the fact that dropping her defenses begged for a counter attack, Ruby relinquished her ammunition and grinned back; there was gratitude in bespectacled violet eyes.
Ok Spike, you can do this. Common sense, that’s all it takes. Yeah, that’s not that hard, right? Ride the wave, just ride the wave... It was fortunate that there were no smoke detectors in the library, and perhaps more fortunate that Twilight and the rest had vacated the house, as the entire second story was filled with billowing black clouds despite open windows. From his place on the couch, Spike dutifully sat awaiting with a none-too-eager stomach the “meal” into which Sweetie Belle was no doubt pouring heaping doses of effort, good intentions, and boundless affection. Sadly, as Spike blanched at a rather potent scent of nothing edible by ponykind or dragon alike, the only thing he felt at that moment was nervousness, nausea, and a tickling sensation along the nape of his neck which was surely a blade poised to fall. Sweetie Belle was cooking again.
“Spike!” Sweetie Belle called out, trotting over and simultaneously looking adorable in her oversized apron and striking fear into one dragon’s heart as he tried to ascertain what common household foods could produce colors to match the smears all over the fabric. “I know you’re probably really hungry, and it’s taken a lot longer than I thought, but lunch is almost ready! Are you excited?” Swallowing hard served a twofold purpose, clearing the dragon’s throat for to prepare for clear speech and staving off the upheaval of his stomach as his mind frantically tried to match “food” with “indescribable gray mass coating an apron destined never to be white again.
“Y-yeah, Sweetie Belle,” he managed in an almost normal voice. “I can’t wait to see what, uh... food you made. I’m really...” Keep it together, Spike, or you’ll never make it through lunch! “...really grateful that you’re taking the time to cook for me.” Even though I’d rather be eating rocks by the smell of it. Ride the wave, ride the...
“Awww, you’re so sweet...” Sweetie Belle murmured, blushing lightly and gazing lovelorn for a moment before a rather thick cloud spewed from the kitchen, grabbing the filly’s attention. “Oh no, I forgot the salad! Sorry, be back in a little bit, Spike!”
Salad? Curious, Spike stuck a claw into the seething mass and pulled it away to find it coated in what appeared to be soot. ...be crushed by the wave, be crushed by the wave. I’m so doomed... What I wouldn’t give for a ruby right now, or maybe a nice bowl of sapphires. Oh, turquoise! Geez, did that stuff taste good after a day spent in the canyons, surrounded by buffalo. As his mind defensively beat back the offensive reek filling the house with thoughts of delectable dragon treats, Sweetie Belle chanced another look out into the main room to find Spike leaning back, his claws idly massaging a rumbling gut and a trickle of drool running down from the corner of his mouth.
Yes, I’ve got him drooling! This is going way better than that time I cooked for Rarity. I mean, the toast is almost solid! Darting over to the table, her confidence took a slight hit as she realized that the structural integrity of said toast had deteriorated while she tended to the salad frying in the pan, the contents not quite liquid, but not nearly sound enough to be called a solid. “Oh well!” Sweetie quipped, cheerfully cantering back to the stove and tending to the four dishes she had going simultaneously. “Spike’s drooling, and that’s all the assurance I need! He’s gonna love this, and then things will get romantic again, and I’m finally going to get that kiss! I mean, what could go wrong! I even have a secret weapon!”
Bounding over to the table set for two, she gazed at the harbinger of kisses, the timeless bringer of romance: the candle. Standing tall and never lit, she regarded the sentinel with reverence, growing giddy at the mere thought of dining in the low light with one who, she hoped, would be so enthralled that he’d have the courage to ask “the question.” For a moment, the meal was forgotten as thoughts of the dragon’s kindness came to mind, the foremost of which being the easy excusal of her over-eager tackle and subsequent headache that ensued. Her parents could tell her she was amazing all they wanted, but she knew she was far from perfect.
And yet, that was exactly the way Spike made her feel and so, with a hoof to her chest, she let the blush come, the world melting away as giddy puppylove flooded the filly head to hoof. At least, until the roar of something catching fire bid her turn and tend once more to the salad, rescuing the dish from its identity crisis and reaffirming with a heavy splash of vinegar that it was not, as it wrongly assumed, flambé, but spring mix with carrots, scallions, and a light twist of lemon.
With a few more touches, a dash of this and a dash of that, Sweetie Belle switched off the stove top burners, drew the curtains on the kitchen window closed, and pulled the bread from the oven, setting it on the counter and using the sparking end of one of the loaves to light the candle. Setting the smoldering loaf back on the tray without a second thought, Sweetie Belle set the spread out on the table, arranging it perfectly as Rarity had taught her and beaming with pride. Spike was so hers with this. Dimming the lights and coughing fitfully as she took a deep draft of lingering airborne food particles, she removed her apron, stowed it neatly in the corner, and emerged with an off-white, nearly gray coat.
“Spike, I hope you’re hungry, because I made everything special just for you!” Spike couldn’t possibly have turned his snout to such an invitation, the anticipation shining in exuberant eyes, bidding him rise and, just in case things went as horribly as he expected, give the filly a gentle embrace.
“Thanks, Sweetie Belle. I really appreciate you cooking for me.” Even if I die from this, which I probably will, but hey! That’s what you do for fillies... right? Ok, Spike, let’s see how well you surf! Like a sheep to the shearer, Spike followed her in and sat down at a spread that screamed “name your poison.” Clearly blown away by culinary prowess and the power of the lit beacon, Sweetie Belle assessed the condition of her prey as being effectively lovestruck, rather than caught, bound, and awaiting torture as he felt. Since he couldn’t figure out what to dig into first, Sweetie Belle explained the spread for him in a manner far too cheerful for an executioner.
“Ok, so here we have a simple salad,” she began, pointing to a large bowl full of what looked like charred wood chips and dust, coated with the first recognizable substance Spike had found: ranch dressing. “Nothing fancy, I know, but it gets better, I promise. This here,” she continued, removing the lid to a rather large pot, “is spaghetti, made special for you. Here, let me help you.” Spike sat ramrod stiff as an unappetizing green mass that resembled what garden vegetables fed through a food processor with copious quantities of jelly might look like, all colored in a green that is only fitting for pea soup.
“...that’s spaghetti?”
“Yep! Now, over here we have...” One by one, she named off the foods, and by the end, Spike’s plate was piled high with an assortment of colors and masses of differing consistencies, the most troublesome of which was her infamous “toast.” How she managed to turn bread into colorless liquid was beyond him, but it didn’t really matter; she was waiting. This is great! We’re gonna get our moment, I can feel it! With a soft splutch, Spike indiscriminately dug his spoon into the side of one of the globs, writing a mental will and comforting himself with one last thought as his lips parted and the spoon went in.
I hope the afterlife is like a never ending ice cream dream; it may just be enough to make up for this. His mouth closed. He’d find out soon enough.
Elsewhere in Ponyville where food poisoning was not a requirement for romantic advancement, Applebloom found herself enjoying a pleasant time playing the nurse, tending to Rumble’s needs while simultaneously enjoying the company of his brother and his ever-invasive filly friends. The chemistry between the three came across as so natural that it almost didn’t register in her mind as being any different, though should Rumble ever try to add a second, Applebloom would most assuredly notice, and he would once more find himself on the business end of a mallet. For the moment though, she was content to simply feed the colt, ice his lump which, fortunately, had reduced in size considerably over the last two days, and try as slyly as she could to cop a feel of his mane.
“Is it really that soft?” Rumble asked after the umpteenth “slip of the hoof” which led him to wonder what kind of disastrous state his mane must be in after so many similar “accidents.” Immediately bashful at having been caught and having no other explanation, Applebloom hastily withdrew her hoof and tried to conjure a legitimate response.
“If ah could have a blanket made o’ yer hair, ah’d be the luckiest filly in all o’ Equestria!” What ‘n... that’s not what ah meant t’ say! That makes me sound right creepy like... “What ah meant t’ say is, uh... it’s, you know...” Knowing further stalling would likely result in further hoof in mouth experiences, Applebloom accepted the rising blush and answer flatly in a dull monotone. “Yes, ah think yer mane is the softest, most amazin’ thing t’ touch mah hoof, and ah can hardly help mahself around it. Please fergive me fer caressin’ yer noggin’ way too much.”
Not sure whether to take offense at the colt’s laughter or be thankful that he wasn’t weirded out at her bizarre behavior, Applebloom patiently held the tray with his food stable while Rumble doubled over, thoroughly amused and quite undisturbed with the filly’s fixation with his silky mane. Embarrassment drifted away as Rumble quieted and sat upright, wiping moisture from his eyes and taking another sip of soup, one of the few things Applebloom knew how to make well. “Ah’m glad you think it’s funny...” Applebloom muttered, folding her hooves across her chest and dangling her legs off the edge of the bed. “You don’t seem t’ have any crazy urges t’ touch me all over.”
“Uh...” Applebloom couldn’t recall hearing a more awkward silence in all her days, and what was worse is that she didn’t even realize she was the source, at least not until she turned a curious eye towards a furiously blushing colt who was of a normally tame mind that took a trip to the south.
What’s he shiftin’ around for? Looks like ah just threw him on stage dressed as a filly! “What’s go you so riled up, huh? It’s not like ah told you t’... oh Celestia...” Cream colored cheeks soon matched one brilliant crimson ribbon as Applebloom realized exactly what she had said, implied, and unintentionally introduced all at once. Whether it was because of his still healing mallet-addled brain or simply blunt honestly, Rumble replied with all the innocence a curious colt could. Don’t say anythin’, Rumble, just don’t say...
“That’s, um... not exactly, true...”
“Dang it! Ah said not t’ say anythin’, didn’t ah?!?” Applebloom wailed, burying her muzzle in her hooves as Rumble reached out to steady his tray.
“Nuh uh.”
“Ah did too!”
“Nuh uh!”
“...didn’t ah?”
“Nuh uh...”
“Ponyfeathers...”
“Uh huh.”
“So what were you thinkin’ ‘bout, huh?” Again Rumble found himself wishing for a darker coat so as to hide the warmer colors creeping into his cheeks at the mere thought of what was on his mind. Embarrassment only fueled more embarrassment as one colt and one filly spurned each other’s blushes with their own, and by the time Rumble found it in himself to come clean, Applebloom wasn’t sure she wanted to hear.
“I was, um...”
“Never mind, ah don’t wanna...”
“I was thinking about...”
“Ah said ah don’t wanna know! Don’t say...”
“...your ribbon.”
“...anythin’.” Unable to maintain eye contact, both turned away to their own thoughts. That’s it? That’s all he was thinkin’ about? He was so quick t’ hold me tight, an’ he was so affectionate ah thought fer sure it’d be... somethin’ worse. But mah ribbon is... Applebloom chanced a glance back at a colt who was too ashamed with his own forward admittance to keep his eyes open, and she continued to watch him as she slowly brought a hoof up to the last memento she had from her mother, a pony she could hardly remember, and only in fragments of memories long since past. Mah ribbon ain’t somethin’ ah let anypony near, but fer Rumble, ah... no, not yet. Someday, maybe, but not just yet.
I can’t believe I actually said that. I knew I should have just kept quiet, but I didn’t want to hide anything from her... I don’t even know why I like it so much! It’s just... He dared to open an eye and immediately snapped it shut upon seeing that he was indeed being watched. “I’m...” he murmured, swallowing hard and bracing himself for whatever storm was surely on the horizon. “I’m sorry if I, um...”
“Oh, hush.” A shifting weight on the bed bid the colt open his eyes once more to find Applebloom moving closer, flustering an already direly embarrassed colt further as the filly took a seat beside him, still quite rosy cheeked and unsure of herself as she snaked out a hesitant hoof, resting it gently upon Rumble’s own. Gosh, ah think ah just caught fire... It... kinda tingles a little, in a nice way. “You... ain’t got no reason t’ apologize.”
“But...”
“What part o’ hush did ya not understand?” Applebloom snapped feebly, what authority her words would have carried diminishing as she found herself smiling. “You were honest, an’ that ain’t... any reason t’ be upset.” Applebloom felt her breath catch as the Rumble’s other hoof slowly eclipsed hers and squeezed gently as the colt let slip a sigh of relief that he hadn’t made the filly nearly as uncomfortable as he had first guessed. “Do... you really like mah ribbon?”
“Uh h...” he started, stopping himself and auto-correcting as he offered a timid smile. “I do.”
An’ now he’s doin’ that manners thing? How’s a simple filly like me supposed t’ resist that, huh? Hey, look at that. His lips are right close... Ah wonder what it’d be like, that kissin’ thing Sweetie Belle seems t’ be so obsessed with? Celestia knows mah sister an' Silver do enough of it, an’ that’s t’ say nothin’ of their friends... Gracious, what am ah thinkin’? “You’re trouble, ya know that?” Applebloom stated, turning away and smiling as the expected response made the first push back towards normalcy.
“Uh huh!”
“Ah suppose ah shoulda figured that out when ya came crashin’ through mah fort.”
“Uh huh.”
“Enough chit chat,” Applebloom declared, grinning back at the colt and directing his attention back to his forgotten meal. “Food is good fer healin’, an’ ah made this special just fer you. Now, eat up before it gets cold.”
“Sure, but there’s just one little problem,” Rumble replied with a grin, garnering Applebloom’s attention.
“Oh? What might that be?”
“I’m, um... kind of holding something else right now,” he said quietly, squeezing gently and drawing Applebloom’s attention back to her own hoof, currently sandwiched in between his. Rumble remained respectfully silent while Applebloom weighed the pros and cons, and made a decision for herself, regardless of what anypony might think, a new rush of heat racing through her body as she squeezed back.
“Ah guess... you can wait a little longer t’ eat, if ya want...”
After the harrowing journey of self-discovery Scootaloo had experienced a few days prior, the spastic young pegasus wanted nothing more than a good adventure to help clear her mind of anything and everything deep, meaningful, and girly, and for adventure, there was only one colt to turn to. She had almost made it out the door with her mane done up like she had shown to Storm, but an inexplicable sensation akin to catching fire at the mere thought of the most awesome colt in all of Equestria seeing her in such a state, and even more so the thought of him actually liking it, forbade such a bold step forward. And yet, as she trotted through into town, peering around the throngs of ponies going about their daily business, she didn’t feel the heavy burden of hiding that had been mounting for months, perhaps even over a year. She was simply herself, “part tomcolt, part lady, all awesome,” as Rainbow Dash had so eloquently said earlier that morning.
“Scootaloo? Hey, Scootaloo!” Slightly disappointed that she hadn’t spotted Pipsqueak first and unnerved that she had actually been called by her actual name, as opposed to the number of other titles the roguish colt dashing towards her tended to use, Scootaloo turned and regarded the simple colt’s enthusiasm with a smirk. “Check it out! I got my stuff back!” he declared, whipping out his blade and striking a pose.
“Back? You lost it?” Scootaloo replied, nonplussed. “I can’t imagine anypony separating you from your gear, considering the fit you threw over not having any boots.”
“You don’t have to rub it in,” Pipsqueak shot back, looking hurt as he sheathed his blade and dropped into pirate speak, much to Scootaloo’s relief; there was something about his soft, gentle voice and irresistible accent that flustered her to no end. “I’ll have ye know, mouthy lass, that the brigand that stole me blade an’ bandana is a crafty one, an’ I’ve yet t’ figure a way t’ best the beast, either in combat or wit.”
“Well, then maybe you just need the aid of an ally!” Scootaloo declared, dropping into a fighting stance and scoring the ground. “Let me at ‘im! I’ll take on anypony who wrongs my captain!”
Huh, that’s strange. When she said the word “my,” it made my chest feel all funny! I’ll have to ask Luna about... wait, no! She must be trying to steal my heart again! Leaping away to put some distance between himself and the Harpy actively tying his mind in knots and sharing a little of the fire he himself had stoked within the filly, whether intentionally or not, Pipsqueak stood tensed, ready to defend himself at a moment’s notice. “So, the deckhoof thinks she can steal my treasure chest, does she?” he taunted, chuckling softly. “Yer tricks won’t work, Harpy! This colt won’t go down without a fight!”
“Harpy? Siren? Sheesh, make up your mind, Pipsqueak!” Scootaloo said, straightening up as utter confusion set in. I have no idea what’s going on, but whatever it is, I’m gonna win!
“I’ll make up me mind the second you stop shapeshiftin’!” he shot back, following up the statement with a crazed laugh as he beamed back at Scootaloo and risked falling deeper into insanity. “Ye can’t be a pirate-ninja-thief-dancer-harpy, lass. Yer head will explode from all the... the, um...”
“Awesomeness?”
“Nay, ye’ll just come across as bloomin’ mad.”
“Hey! Now, wait just a second here,” Scootaloo demanded, marching over and staring the colt down. “Let’s get something straight. I can be whoever I want, and whatever I want, whenever I want, and nopony is going to tell me otherwise!” It was spoken not in jest, nor as part of the game, but as a solemn declaration of her newly realized freedom to be who she was in any form it took, and Pipsqueak trembled as he began to realize what Scootaloo really was.
“Ye... ye mean, you’re...”
“That’s right! I’m...”
“A Doppelganger!”
“Worse,” Scootaloo growled in a deep tone while taking a single stomp forward. Pipsqueak’s mind raced to find some creature that matched all of the traits she was showing, but as thought petered out, he realized that there wasn’t one. The creature before him, as fierce and adventurous as she was stunning and beautiful, was one of a kind, not part of any myth or legend, but an honest to Luna pony with superpowers he couldn’t begin to fathom. Humbled by the majestic presence, the colt bowed as the filly made her declaration for all to hear.
“I... am... Scootaloo!” It was a rapturous moment of personal triumph, of victory, of overcoming of one’s fears in order to chase one’s dreams. She could feel her heart racing from sheer excitement, and at that moment, with her eyes closed and the warmth inside beating out that of the afternoon rays, it felt like her future was limitless. Such bliss was fleeting and hastily made its exit as she cracked open her eyes to find Pipsqueak kneeling before her, his sword laid out before him with his bandana and eyepatch laid aside with his head bowed. “What the hay are you doing, Pipsqueak? You look like a squire waiting to be knighted or something.”
“If thou wouldst do me the honor, my queen, I would forever be in your debt.” Were Scootaloo’s confidence a mirror, it would have thus been shattered as if blasted by a cannon, and her jaw dropped towards the beaten road as she scrambled to pick up the pieces.
Oh no, no no no! This can NOT be permanent! I can’t handle that kind of... whatever it is! Proper talk? Special treatment? Ugh, this is gonna be horrible! I mean, what kind of girl wants that?!? I have to do something! “Who are you and what did you do with the captain?” Scootaloo shouted, dashing over and shaking the colt vigorously while simultaneously trying to deny the fact that simply laying hooves on him in her current state stoked the flames of mushiness from smoldering to bonfire. “Wake up, Pipsqueak! I want my pirate back!”
She said “my” again! Hey, maybe I should try it... “My lady, wouldst...”
“No! No, I wouldn’t ‘wouldst’ anything!” Scootaloo railed, rearing and holding her head in both hooves before dancing a merry stomping jig of frustration, mostly to keep herself from offering her hoof and cheerfully agreeing to go romp through daffodils and have a nice little picnic by the stream, or whatever ponies did to court one another way back where Pipsqueak’s newly acquired dialect came from. “Come on, captain, there’s still too much I need to learn from you, and I’m not gonna learn anything if I’m too busy wanting to hold your hoof!” Frantic to restore the colt, rocked by an admittance that he himself shared, back to normal, Scootaloo quickly replaced his eye patch and was in the midst of slipping his bandana back on when Pipsqueak spoke.
“...you want to hold my hoof?”
“Duh!” Oh, pony-freaking-feathers! Please tell me I didn’t... no, no time to stall! Gotta speak! “...duh, no! Ewww! Why would I want to do that?” Aside from the obvious reasons... Ugh, I didn’t give you permission to blush! Stupid cheeks... Everything came to a halt as Pipsqueak, still searching for the strength to shift back into his modi operandi, showed a rare moment of lucidity and spoke plainly.
“Oh... rats.”
“...what?” was all Scootaloo could manage in a quiet, timid voice, herself too shaken by being confronted with something she suspected as a possibility and secretly hoped to be a reality suddenly being quite possibly confirmed. There isn’t any way... he likes me like... like that, is there? But... but he’s Pipsqueak! He doesn’t think about anything but adventure! How the hay can he... I don’t get it!
Geez, come on, Pipsqueak! Pull it together! See, just look at her now... she needs the pirate back! All your silly real stuff is boring her... I guess Luna really is the only pony who likes to hear about it. Ok, adventure mode, restarting... initiate! “What’re ye sittin’ around with a face like drippin’ molasses for, eh? Up an’ at ‘em, deckhoof!” Pipsqueak commanded, trotting over and adopting his favorite captain’s sneer. “We’ve got precious little time before we part ways, and I’ll be scuttled if I don’t land us some treasure before then! Avast, set sail!” Drawing his blade, Pipsqueak took off, doing his very best to stow away the boring and the proper for the sake of his fantastic playmate who, in turn, was trying very hard not to be paralyzed by the dreaded power of like.
He... called me his lady... With Pipsqueak far enough away and nopony she knew in plain sight, Scootaloo slowly brought a hoof to her cheek and let the strange, sappy sweetness flood her senses. This... really isn’t that bad... It’s sorta nice. In the obscurity of a crowd and one hoof closer to complete self-acceptance, affection for one dashing rogue teased the corners of one reluctant filly’s mouth into a gentle smile.
Exhausted, more filthy than she could ever remember being, and strangely all right with the mud caking her coat, stood Silver Spoon. While a number of carrots had met an early harvest as the fillies energy mounted and weed became nearly indistinguishable from vegetable, she couldn’t help but take a moment to reflect upon the strange sense of fulfilment she had gleaned from such an uncouth task, and even more so the gratitude she held for the pony who hadn’t given up and left her alone, but stuck around her day in, day out since their meeting in the park. Ruby paused with a large weed, one of the last of its kind still remaining in the garden, dangling from her mouth as she regarded the beaming filly with a grin, and shortly after a confused frown as Silver Spoon immediately turned away and busied herself with a few tender shoots that would dare draw nutrients away from the carrots.
Why does she keep doing that? I swear, I can’t look at her for more than two seconds before she turns away. “Hey,” Ruby called out, dropping the root and trotting over. “Am I really that dirty that you can’t stand to look at me?”
“Um... yes, you’re filthy,” Silver Spoon shot back, glancing at her but still refusing eye contact. The sound of retreating hooves bid Silver Spoon adjust her glasses and peer after her new friend, trotting away without a word. Having spent her time with somepony that only looked after her own interests, Silver Spoon had quickly learned to tune out her own conscience, but with that limitation no longer in place, unfamiliar emotions like “guilt” and “concern” began to trickle in, leaving her shaken and worried. I... didn’t mean that. Don’t... walk away. The memory of her former best friend mirroring the motion flashed back to mind and she turned away, cringing as doubt threatened undo the wonder that had been woven in kindness for the last three days. Come back... Come back...
“Clean time!” Elation was met head on by a concentrated stream of frigid water as Silver Spoon turned just in time to catch the blast of the hose full in the face. Lifting her glasses, no longer useful on account of the droplets blocking her view, Silver Spoon looked out to find Ruby just as cheerful as ever, grinning with the hose poised and ready for further showers. What the... ok, well, she’s not freaking out, that’s good, but she’s turning red again. Is she... blushing? No, that can’t be right. “Hey, are you...”
“Cold, wet, and muddy? Quite, thank you. Give me that!” Silver Spoon snapped, racing over and yanking the hose away, holding it a moment while she attempted to calm herself, though it wasn’t anger that had her wound up. Shaking her head, she hung her glasses from her necklace and blasted Ruby point blank, causing her to stumble and fall amongst the plants in a sputtering heap of glee. From afar, Carrot Top watched as the two romped through her garden, racing willy nilly and generally paying little attention to the plants they were now stomping after working to keep them growing most of the afternoon, but the loss of product meant little in the face of witnessing the scene playing out before her.
“Hmmm, I wonder...” she mused, smiling a little and shaking her head. “No, it couldn’t be...” Or could it? I can’t imagine Silver Spoon “stooping” to gardening on a whim... It was none of her business, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy a simple scene of good, clean fun, and this she did, grabbing a second hose and evening the odds, laughing as the two went at it for a time before coming for her. Their mutual foe put to flight, Silver Spoon lifted her eyes towards a dripping pink unicorn and offered a smile and an outstretched hoof. There was a soggy clop as the truce was struck, and laughter followed in Carrot Top’s wake as they both walked back towards the mare’s house side by side.
I, Spike, do hereby declare that henceforth, I shall never complain about Twilight’s cooking ever again. Furthermore, I... uh oh... From outside the bathroom, Sweetie Belle cringed as the telltale sounds of stomach upheaval sounded from within the portal, bringing with it the worst feelings of failure and inadequacy she had felt since she had gotten under her sister’s skin before the Sisterhooves Social. Ugh, I’d think that if my stomach could handle rocks, it could handle... spagh... oh, geez...
Mortified, horrified, and very much wishing she hadn’t shown such enthusiasm in presenting her “treat” to a dragon she knew was liable to push stupidity to new limits if it meant she’d be happy, Sweetie Belle sat outside the door with her head held between her hooves. In a way, it was flattering the way he choked down everything, but the groans and other guttural noises of immense discomfort negated any pride she could have taken, both in herself and her dragon’s sacrifice. It wasn’t just a serving of each that Spike had eaten, but every last morsel of every discolored slush she mistakenly labeled as “food” in her fervor had been consumed and each dish licked clean, landing Spike with the worst upset stomach he had experienced since Celestia sent back a year’s worth of letters via dragon mail.
What can I say? Nothing! I messed everything up again, and now Spike’s holed up in the bathroom, feeling miserable... “Dumb lunch! This was supposed to be an apology!” Sweetie Belle suddenly shouted, throwing herself onto the floor and scooting over to the bed to make use of the ample hiding space underneath. “It’s a good thing I didn’t try to plan a date or something. He’d probably end up in the hospital!” Spike would have loved to go out and reassure his crush that, while strange and likely repulsive to most anypony else, the taste hadn’t actually been that bad, though his stomach had yet to settle. However, as she continued to rant about this, that, and her other imagined shortcoming, Spike dragged himself over to the door and drew the line at “useless.”
“Sweetie Belle, you’re kinda ruining the whole ‘sacrificial coltfriend’ thing I was going for by kicking yourself! Could you please just be quiet?”
“Like I’m not supposed to be bothered that you just put ‘sacrifice’ next to ‘coltfriend?’ Is that really how you feel about me?”
“Ugh, are you kidding me?” Spike groaned, feebly giving the door a pound with a loosely clenched fist. “Sweetie Belle, if I didn’t know you were trying your best, I wouldn’t be in here puking my guts out!” For a time, the only sound he heard was the rumbling within, and with a sigh, he calmed himself and tried to think about things from her perspective. If I had landed Sweetie Belle in a position like this, it wouldn’t matter what she said... But that doesn’t matter now; it’s Sweetie Belle! I have to do something to cheer her up...
I’m sorry, Spike. The last thing you deserve is more of my yelling... Poking her head out from under the bed skirt, she stared at the door a moment before slowly scooting her way over. “Spike?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry...”
“I know. Can I ask you a question?”
“Go ahead...”
“Um... I, uh... where...” Bringing her hooves forward, Sweetie Belle eased herself into a sitting position as the dragon’s stammers roused her curiosity.
What could he possibly be thinking about at a time like this that could make him get tongue-tied? There’s nothing romantic about vomit... is there? No, that’s just silly and really, really gross. So what in Equestria is he thinking?
“...nevermind.”
“Hey, no fair!” Sweetie Belle whined, standing upright and scowling at the door as if it were the perpetrator an age old crime: rousing a girl’s wonder and never delivering relief. “You can’t do that to me, Spike!”
“Sorry, I’m not asking.”
“Oh, come on!”
“Sweetie Belle, I don’t want to ask you out through a door, ok? Sheesh!” Any and all arguments that were forming or could form were promptly erased from Sweetie Belle’s mind as she was rocked by an equally struck dragon’s unwitting revelation, impressing upon her that whether due to sheer stubbornness, lack of concern for his mortal well being, hopeless infatuation, or a combination of all three, she was still his number one, and he wanted her to know it. Spike’s ear twitched at the sound of a hoof coming to rest upon the door, and while it wasn’t the most articulate declaration of adoration, he still found the wherewithal to look past his discomfort and smile, placing his claw on the other side.
“Dumb dragon... hurry and throw it all up so I can hug you.”
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My apologies for late post. I've been working like crazy to get chapters 11 and 12 taken care of, as they've been driving me absolutely nuts.
Aah yes, the incredibleness continues... SO AWESOME
This just enforces it spot at nr 2 on my list... (That's a high spot just saying (Only one thing beats this in my opinion (And i read A LOT, so that's high praise, i guess)))
This great on all ends. Spike and Sweetie's dynamic is my favorite and he chokes down food that a goat wouldn't eat. I do like how her cooking is worse than Spike eating petrified carbon, minerals and baked bads(the muffins made with potato chips, earthworms, lemon juice and soda). The whole food-poisoning scene was the perfect combination of funny and d'awww,
the Spike and Sweetie Belle scene at the end made me d'aww..... excellent job
I feel so bad assuming this, but is it true that this is gonna result in Silver Spoon x Ruby Pinch? The reason why is because for some messed up reason, I can't stomach the lesbian, I dunno, trend in this fandom.
I don't wanna start any arguments (not intentionally, like I always seem to do), but I felt like I had to ask.
This chapter makes me wish I could like a story more then one time.
excellent job my friend, love it to death!
Good grief, if Spike could eat all of that, he could probably have an entire bowl of Iocain powder and walk away with his princess no problem!
(A Pinkie for whoever gets that reference.)
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/9/7/nHhx3_SWaE-kS1HOQPTwKw2.jpg
Considering that Spike literately can eat inorganic rocks and almost anything he could get his claws on, it is a truly impressive feat of culinary ineptitude for Sweetie Belle to make Spike feel nauseated and upset by food.
You do realise of course that we all want the next chapter out asap. And that you may or may not have stopped my heart from cute overload.
1236204 That... absolutely made my day. Thank you!
woot! update
just take your time. i would hate for you to burn yourself out...now back to guild wars 2
1236442 Makes a change....normally me and my mates are trying to ruin each others day!!!
Makes my day when these stories are updated!
Please tell me we haven't got to wait too long for Rarity's story:
1236034 ... Is it a trend if it's the ONLY lesbian shipping in this ENTIRE series? There's... what, about 10 couples in this series, and there's a POSSIBILITY of ONE lesbian couple? That's... fairly close to real life, if the 7% is accurate, that is.
(I will admit it's a trend in this fandom overall, but not of this series, so... Just for the record, I mean.)
1236554 And now I feel bad because I might have pissed someone off, even though I didn't mean to.
*sigh* It's okay. It's kinda hard not to think that, though.
In reference to pretty much every shipping couple here getting a little closer together: i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/000/298/820/00a.gif
1236554 Um, don't really want to mention this as you are part of the
team creating this, but did you forget about these two?
th02.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2011/213/d/6/lyra_and_bonbon_by_sierraex-d42c88i.png
1236767 ... I'm... not sure if Ceru has mentioned them at all or not... My memory sucks, admittedly, so I might be forgetting... Were they mentioned in the segments with Rares, maybe?
1236576 XD I'm not mad or anything! I just.. okay, I was a little defensive, sorry. I will be the first to admit that that IS the trend of the whole fandom, so I can't get upset at you not liking it because of that. (Not counting any moral reasons you may or may not have.)
1236783 No, they appear throughout the series, starting in the Tears chapter Bake Sale.
Cerulean later finds them both occupying his mouth when Twi uses the "want it, need it" spell
on him in Unplanned Parrenthod, to which they were disgusted. They also gave advice to Crimson
in Stary Skies after her dinner date with Big Mac.
I think I migh've read these too many times over.....
Nah, will probably re-read them again over the weekend!!!!!
1236841 ... Yeah, that was back in, like... SPRING. For a college student like ME, I can't remember that kinda stuff. XD
1236866 Mate, I'm a RAF engineer, and I can barely remember 1 week ago irl.
Give me a game or something off the internet and it stays in my head for months....damn brain, retaining
useless info..
1236899 ... Useless info? This is useless info?
“You don’t seem t’ have any crazy urges t’ touch me all over.”
...No... No! APPLE BLOOM!!! You didn't!!
And then to follow it up with...
"...you want to hold my hoof?”
“Duh!”
Scootaloo...
This just keeps getting better!
Awwwwwww yeaaaahhh! A new chapter of Cutie Mark Catastrophes that contains Applebloom being adorable, Silver Spoon being awkward around Ruby for reasons she doesn't quite understand yet, AND moar Carrot Top?! It just doesn't get any better than this!
yay! update! epicaliness!
1236783 Phew, thanks.
Pipsqueak and Scootaloo are definitely my favorites in this, they are just hilarious together.
Nice work Spike, that's definitely how to take one for the sake of love.
I think Silver spoon is sad because she confessed to diamond tiara but she freaked out and abandoned her, The Special Pegasus i think pink pie pairing will be a mare remember in songs of whisper she ask Rarity if she thought two mare dating was strange
1242185 The reason why she asked her that, according to my speculation, is that Pinkie knows exactly what's bothering Rarity, so she tries to do her best to make her happy. Being Pinkie, she doesn't quite understand why Rarity won't let her try, seeing as Rarity wants a stallion.
It seems to me that Pinkie is willing to go out of her way to be Rarity's special somepony, solely fueled by the motive to make her friend happy, rather than seeking a romance of her own, since she likely doesn't understand romance like her friends do and treats it as just another term for 'happy'.
That's my two bits, anyway. Besides, it's been confirmed that both Rarity and Pinkie are getting their own stallions to fall in love with.
...though should Rumble ever try to add a third, he may end up sharing Thunderlane’s fate at the end of a mallet.
I think those two names are mixed up... Yeah I'm not usually the one to point stuff like this out. Heh heh.
Geez it's hard to comment on an Android.
Well this chapter had a severe lack of innuendo
R.I.P. Shumiry
He survived larynxial (yeah I made that word up wanna fight about it?) assault by a chicken nugget, only to be done in later that same day by cardiac arrest brought on by excessive d'aww.
Another fantabulistical chapter.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
“Dumb dragon... hurry and throw it all up so I can hug you.”
Can't decide whether to laugh or to daaaaaaw...
BOTH!
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahha!
Damn, now I have to wait for a new chapter.
Well no pres-wait, HOW many chapters am I behind?
...
Has anyone else noticed how the story will go from one part going like, a few hours, then u reach another one and it goes back in time!
I like it! It makes u wonder, HEY was Scoots running around with Pip WHILE Spike was suffering Brain Damage???
1236164
It's been a long time and I don't know if you are still out there. But I just read the comments and I will want my Pinkie.
A bottle of Iocane that's inconceivable! P.B. Reff. What's next an attacking ROUS.