Chapter twenty
The next day Twi and Spike were going down the list of spells she could perform, Spike of course helping with a select few, "Come on, Twi. You can do it!"
"Okay, here goes."
Twi focused her magic and a glow appeared on Spike's mouth before a mustache appeared, "Ha ha! Ya did it!" He checked off another magic spell, "Growing magic, that's number twenty-five. Twenty-five different types of tricks and counting." Twi lightly blushed. "And I think this is the best trick so far."
Spike said looking in the mirror, "Hello, Rarity. What's that? Aw, it's nothin', just my awesome mustache." He laughed.
"Sorry, Romeo. As attractive and enticing as you look, it's just for practice, and it's gotta go."
"Wait!" He tried to stop it from vanishing but Twi took it away anyways. "Aw, rats!"
She laughed, "Come on let's go see what our friends are doing."
They walked outside and through town, "Twenty-five, Twilight. Twenty-five different kinds of tricks and counting."
"I thought unicorns were only supposed to have a little magic that matches their special talents!"
"Well yes for unicorns whose talents are for things like cooking or singing or math, but what if a unicorn's special talent is magic?"
"Like you, Twilight? You know a ton of magic."
"Well yes but I'm a hybrid even if the same rules imply to me, I'm still sort of cheating since I have the advantage of dragon magic as well. I'm sure there are lots of ponies right here in Ponyville that know just as much magic as me."
"And plenty don't have an unfair advantage to boost their unicorn magic like me."
"Are you kiddin'? I don't think there's another unicorn in all of Equestria with your kind of ability, Twilight."
"Now Spike don't you think that's a little unfair to any powerful..."
"Gangway! Comin' through!"
Before either could react Snips and Snails ran passed and Spike got carried by them, "Augh! Snips, Snails! What's goin' on?" They stopped flinging Spike off, "Whoa!"
"Wha, haven't you heard? There's a new unicorn in town!"
"Yeah! They say that she's got more magical powers than any other unicorn ever!"
Twi got interested hearing this, "Really?"
"Aw, no way, that honor goes to..."
Twi shut him up by putting her claw on his mouth, "Where is this unicorn?"
"Ho, she's in the town square. Come on!" Snails said running off and Spike ducked under him.
"Yeah! Come on! Whooo!" Snips said running after Snails and Spike jumped over him.
"Come on Spike, let's go see if what they said was true."
"And no more of me being the best unicorn, we both know I can't have that honor I'm only half unicorn and I don't even look like a pony."
They went to the town square to see a stage set up there, they went to the front with the rest of their friends while they heard, "Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" The stage opened up and a blue unicorn wearing a purple hat and cape appeared in a cloud of smoke.
The audience oohed as Trixie appeared, "Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!" She said as fireworks shoot out and fanfare played.
"My, my, my! What boasting!"
"Come on nopony is as magical as... Oh hey, Rarity, I, uh— Mustache!"
Spike ran off, and Twi simply shock her head that didn't last long either that or he didn't listen, "There's nothing wrong with being talented, is there?"
"Nothin' at all, 'cep'n when someone goes around showin' it off like a school filly with fancy new ribbons."
"Just because one has the ability to perform lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us."
"Especially when ya got me around being better than the rest of us." Dash said laughing. "Eh, I mean, yeah, uh, magic shmagic. Boo!" Dash said when AJ gave her a look.
"Well, well, well, it seems we have some neighsayers in the audience."
"Who is so ignorant as to challenge the magical ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie? Do they not know that they're in the presence of the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria?"
"Just who does she think she is?"
"What's with you three?"
They all looked at her, "What do you mean, aren't you seeing and hearing what we are?"
"Yes, I'm seeing a show performing unicorn putting on a magic show, that's what performing ponies do, they embellish their talents and boost their abilities."
"Spike and I have seen some performing ponies before, and I have even read about them, this sort of thing is natural for any performer who wants to stay at the top and be the best, the fireworks, the fanfare, the way she speaks, it all comes with the package of being a performer."
"Well at least there's one of you who understands the Great and Powerful Trixie, come forwards and let me thank you personally for telling the ignorant ponies what it means to be a performer."
Twi stepped forwards and Trixie looked at her, "Well what do we have here?" Trixie leaned in and whispered, "Seriously what are you?"
"I'm a draconequus, a dragon-pony hybrid." Twi whispered back.
Trixie looked back up, "Here we have a hybrid who has more manners than a pony."
Dash flew in, "So, 'Great and Powerful Trixie', what makes you think you're so awesome, anyway?"
"Heh, why, only the Great and Powerful Trixie has magic strong enough to vanquish the dreaded Ursa major!"
Fanfare played as fireworks shoot out and made an outline of the Ursa, the audience ahhed. "What?"
"No way!"
"When all hope was lost, the ponies of Hoofington had no one to turn to, but the Great and Powerful Trixie stepped in, and with her awesome magic, vanquished the Ursa major and sent it back to its cave deep within the Everfree Forest!"
The scene played out in glowing outlines and the Ursa vanished as she finished, both Snips and Snails were impressed, "Saw, sweet!" The rest of the audience was shocked.
Twi rubbed a claw under her jaw, sure this could just be a made up story like what performers do, but it got her interested to find out more about this. "That settles it." Snips said.
"Trixie truly is the most talented, the most magical, the most awesome unicorn in Ponyville." Snails said.
"No, in all of Equestria!" Snips added.
"How do you know? You didn't see it! And besides, Twi—"
Twi used her magic to zip his mouth closed, "I warned you before, keep this up and I'll put a steel trap on your mouth instead."
"It's true, my enthusiastic little admirers. Trixie is most certainly the best in Ponyville." Crickets were heard as no one said anything. "Don't believe the Great and Powerful Trixie?" She chuckled, "Well then, I hereby challenge you, Ponyvillians. Anything you can do, I can do better. Any takers? Anyone? Hmm? Or is Trixie destined to be the greatest equine who has ever lived!?" Fireworks shoot out as more fanfare played, sure performers normally do this but Trixie was really laying it on thick.
Spike unzipped his mouth, "Please! She's unbearable! Ya gotta show her! Ya just gotta!" "There's no reason I should show her up, Spike. Especially since—"
"Hmm, how about you?" Trixie said pointing to Twi, and Twi gulped. "Well, how about it? Hm? Is there anything you can do that the Great and Powerful Trixie can't?"
Why her? Yes betting a draconequus would add to Trixie's credibility but she had an unfair advantage over Trixie or any unicorn for that matter. "Well, I don't think..."
"Well, little hayseed?"
"That's it! I can't stand for no more of this!" AJ said going up on stage.
"You show her, AJ!" Spike shouted.
"Can your magical powers do this?" AJ asked spinning a rope around on her tail and doing impressive rodeo stunts, she even lassoed an apple and ate it, the audience cheered. "Top that, missy."
"Oh, ye of little talent. Watch and be amazed at the magic of Trixie!" Trixie said taking off her hat to show her horn, and then she used her magic to make the rope move around.
One end danced in front of AJ distracting her as the other end grabbed an apple, the first end tied around AJ and the second end stuck the apple in her mouth, the audience laughed and cheered as AJ had to hop off the stage. "Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie prevails."
Dash flew in again, "There's no need to go struttin' around and showin' off like that."
"Oh?"
"That's my job!" Dash said flying off, she spins around on a windmill, then punched through some clouds up to the sun.
She flew quicker back down through those same clouds, making rain follow her, she spins around on the same windmill then landed on the stage allowing the rain to hit her and it created a rainbow above her, "They don't call me 'Rainbow' and 'Dash' for nothin'!"
The audience cheered again. "When Trixie is through, the only thing they'll call you is loser." Trixie said casting her magic on the rainbow making it and Dash spin around and around in the air.
It didn't stop spinning until Dash landed on the ground all dizzy, "I think I'm gonna be sick." She said gulping down some air.
"Seems like anypony with a dash of good sense would think twice before tussling with the Great Trixie." Trixie said casting her magic making a mini storm cloud appear and it zapped Dash making her cry out.
Everyone laughed at this, and Spike looked at Twi, "What we need is another unicorn to challenge her. Someone with some magic of her own."
"Yeah! A unicorn to show this unicorn who's boss." Dash said.
"A real unicorn to unicorn tussle." AJ added.
"But girls I'm not..."
"Enough. Enough, all of you. I take your hint, but Rarity is above such nonsense. Rainbow Dash and Applejack may behave like ruffians, but Rarity conducts herself with beauty and grace."
"Ooo, what's the matter? Afraid you'll get a hair out of place in that rat's nest you call a mane?" Trixie said.
"Oh, it. Is. On!" Rarity said going up on stage.
"You may think you're tough with all of your so-called powers, but there's more to magic than your brutish ways. A unicorn needs to be more than just muscle." Rarity said casting her powers pulling down Trixie's curtain, "A unicorn needs to have style." She wrapped it around herself to create a dress, and the audience oohed. "A unicorn is not a unicorn without grace and beauty." Trixie smiled as her horn glowed.
"Rarity won't let Trixie get the best of her! She's strong, she's beautiful, she's—"
Spike stopped when Trixie cast her spell and everyone gasped. "Quick! I need a mirror! Get me a mirror! What did she do to my hair? I know she did something terrible to my hair!"
"Nothing."
"It's fine."
"It's gorgeous."
"It's green." They all looked at Spike. "What?"
"Ugh, no. Green hair! Not green hair!" Rarity cried running off, "Such an awful, awful color!"
Golden Harvest huffed, "Well, I never!" Then she walked off.
"Well Twilight, guess it's up to you."
"Come on, show her what you're made of." Spike said to Twi.
"What do you mean? I'm nothing special." Twi answered seeing all the ponies staring at her.
"Yes, you are! You are a hybrid and you're better than her!"
"I'm not better than anyone."
"Hah! You think you're better than the Great and Powerful Trixie? You think you have more magical talent? Well, come on, show Trixie what you've got. Show us all." Twi was uncomfortable with everypony staring at her.
"Who, me? I'm just your run-of-the-mill hybrid citizen of Ponyville. No powerful magic here. I, uh... I think I hear my laundry calling. Sorry, gotta go." Twi said running off.
Spike watched her leave, "Twilight?"
"Ha! Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie has proven herself to be the most amazing unicorn in all of Equestria. Huh, was there ever any doubt?" Spike looked upset as Trixie walked off stage, later on, Trixie was brushing her hair when Snips and Snails appeared.
"Here's your smoothie you asked for, with extra hay, just how you like it." Snips said holding the tray upon his flank.
"Mmm, hay."
Trixie took the smoothie off the tray with her magic and sipped it, then she saw the two giving her a wide-eyed look, "Yes?"
"Ooo, tell us another story, Great and Powerful Trixie."
"Yeah, tell us about how you vanquished the Ursa major."
"Guh! Trixie is far too exhausted from performing feats beyond imagination. Begone with you until morning." The two backed off.
"Oh, of course, Great and Powerful Trixie."
"Anything you say. We are at your beck and call."
She watched them leave with a huff, Spike spotted them still bowing down and backing away, "What are you two doing?"
"Just bringing the G.P.T. a—"
"Who?"
"The Great and Powerful Trixie." Spike rolled his eyes. "Just bringing her a smoothie."
"How can you fall for her lameness? She's just a show-off. Unlike Twilight, who—"
"The G.P.T. vanquished an Ursa major. Can your Twilight claim that?"
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7934123
it's actually I who hasn't heard of the name of Kirin so I went with what the closest dragon-pony hybrid name I could find at the time which was draconequus.
Also no in my story Alzheimer's can't cause death directly to a pony if it gets too bad and they start forgetting major things is when they get put down.
7934074 touché
7934225 ok well a Kirin is a horse dragon hybrid from easter cultures I'm not sure if it was Japan or China or another country that thought of them. I think a draconequus is specific to mlp I'm not sure though. But your fine you want to keep it that way. The Alzheimer thing was more of a joke of me trying to figure out his illness.
Now then I was saving the majority of my comments till the end especially when I noticed you were progressively getting better. However I still see some problems that either no one else has addressed or you haven't gotten to them. If its the latter just ignore this. I'm not going to harp on grammar or the "but sounds better this way" argument. I look for flow wether its choppy or can't be understood, things like that. I know your under stress if the other comments you've made are anything to go by but these problems have been repeated off and on throughout the story.
Two things stick out the most. One is your time/scene skips. While I'm reading it I often have to go back and reread to figure out what happened (talking about the middle of a chapter not at the beginning, your pretty good on that end). This isn't a major problem for those who've seen the show but you don't want to fall into this habbit should you pursue other works.
The second is the dialogue. You often use 2 sets of quotation marks even though its the same speaker. You don't start a new paragraph when its the same speaker only when you change speakers. You want to remember that so your readers don't get confused on who's talking. If the speaker is talking long enough to warrant 2 paragraphs, you put them both in the quotations not separate it would look like this
"I'm........later.
Also.......thanks."
Often what I see you doing, and this is where it gets confusing is.
"I'm........later."
"Also.......thanks."
It gives the impression that someone else is talking. These are problems because they can confuse the reader as to what is actually happening.
I like the story its steadily becoming more interesting and can't wait to see where it goes.
7936011
I understand where you're coming from and I'm making an effort to improve my writing, to be honest, I never took any writing courses I'm learning off of experience alone, this includes my grammar and spelling.
I downloaded Grammary to help with my grammar but I can't get the deluxe version because I don't have a credit card, so I'm working with the basic version, which just corrects my basic grammar and spelling.
So forgive me if I'm not to par with most writers but I started off of scratch and had to learn through experience alone.
7936047 that's perfectly fine I'm not trying to give you a hard time or anything like that. Like I said your writing is steadily improving. I can't wait to see where you go with this story.
7936079
thanks for understanding and I'm glad to know I'm improving that means my writing is getting better. Also, fun fact season 1 episode 1 to season 4 episode 1 is supposed to be one year.... yeah that get's confusing when winter wrap up and fall weather friends happen in season 1 n that order, in season two we get luna eclipsed which is a Halloween episode and hearth warming eve is a Christmas episode... that's why I rearranged everything to make the changing seasons make more sense.
7936114 yeah that confused the hell out a me
7936117
if you want I can tell you which episodes I put into which order and which season it will be.
7936300 naw you don't need to do that. It would be better to put things like that in an author's note just so people are tracking. And the show confused me not your story lol.
can I get at least one comment where someone finds a reference to future MLP episodes? It can be even the most obvious one or the slightly hidden one or even the really hidden one.
um my questions to twilight is, how many other hybrids are there in town?? cause I think she may be the only one.....
also why can I see twilight's mom show up to help fight the ursa as she come into town to check up on her children and to take them to visited their family
7967049
Twilight is the only hybrid in town since we have seen how ponies react to different species, take these great examples: Gilda the griffon, Zecora the zebra, a manticore, a dragon, a hydra, an Ursa minor... need I go on?
Sure they eventually accept other species like Zecora, or the griffons, or the yaks, but they don't exactly live with them because the other species rather live alone or with their own kind, so for now, Twi is the only hybrid in the town, but that will change later on.
7967511 oh I figure that but I meant when twilight's said she was the run-a-mill hybrid, I laugh cause I though she was the only hybrid in town at the moment
7967564
well she couldn't really say pony or dragon when she said she was the run-a-mill hybrid, she was talking about hybrids in general because, in all honesty, she's the only hybrid who's living in that town.
I'm just waiting for my readers to realize that My twilight is a female draconequus, and that season two is coming soon... (Final jeopardy music plays) Let the shipping and flame wars begin to all those who figured it out.
Good story also I have the same problem with spelling and grammar so to me it looks like every other story I have read that 100 or thumbs up hell I even like some stories with more thumbs down then likes
Also love the the yin yang avatar pic you got don't see that often for avatar pics from my POV any not sure about others but you are first one I have seen with a yin yang pic
7934225
Then please go back and change Draconequus to Kirin.
7967945
Pretty sure you mean kirin
7967583
Good one...