• Published 5th Jul 2012
  • 4,407 Views, 492 Comments

Leather-Winged Oddity - Deyeaz



More often than not, we don't always become what we want when we go to Equestria.

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XXII - I Must Be High... Y'Know, Since I'm Talking To Trees n' Shit....

Shadow: Okay, I just busted my chops in bringing you a semi-decent chapter. When you spot a mistake (WHEN, not IF), please inform me in the comments sections. This chapter will crossover with three fanfictions (OH GOD. ._.): MasterC’s “Nature’s Hand” (which he’s planning on publishing once it’s looked over and approved), and eventually both Dante_Hinomori's fic “Rise of a Reaper” (Same for him) and Oblivion Alarika’s fic (I have no idea what its name is to be, but same goes for him as well)


Enjoy the read, my slaves whelps meatbags friends. Keep calm and never stop ponying on, OK? :)

~Leather-Winged Oddity~

XXII - I Must Be High... Y’know, Since I’m Talking To Trees n’ Shit....

...Ow....

...It feels like some serious deja vu is going on right about now.

Alright, Damien, status report: any broken bones? No. Internal bleeding? Nope. Concussion or brain damage? Nada. The six of us looking like we’ve just had a large orgy? ......................Nah. Who’re you kidding?

But pain?

I don’t know how many times I’ve checked that out in the span time of being conscious for eleven seconds so far; I lost count at twenty-three.

Nevertheless, I ignore the pain and slowly rise to my claws; however, I almost fall back down when I stand up, as my legs seem to have fallen asleep. I plow the bottom of Ellipsis’s shaft into the ground to keep myself on my claws, my legs quaking like jelly in a tremor. I grit my teeth when I start taking small steps, using my makeshift walking staff to help me weakly limp out of this crater I had made on impact with the ground. However, that plan crashes, burns, and dies the second I look up: the crater was about three or four meters high. I’m in no condition to jump, so that other idea is killed. I look around me for a way out, only to find none.

I feel small, like an elephant in a titchy cage. I need freedom, more than anything.

...

Wait a second... I could just fly out.

Ignoring the pain that follows during flight preparation, I pump my wings and become airborne for a few moments before landing sloppily on the ground outside my crater. I look around me, my heart skipping a beat at my environment.

The place I’m in looks... desolate. Like all life was just wiped out, save for a few trees or so. The black dirt beneath my claws feels warm, like a giant omnipotent being is living under us and feeding heat to the planet. The trees, shockingly, have leaves on them still, the green foliage fluttering lazily in the warm current of wind. The sky is painted dark with the smoke and ash that are belched from the volcanoes that are scattered here and there. Small streams of lava leak from the lip of the lone giant volcano, the tears of molten slag and rock glowing a bright vibrant orange.

What’s more, orange flakes, few and widely-dispersed, lazily descend from the skies like snowflakes. I stick out my hand to touch one and grunted loudly in pain as the selected flake seared my skin. I lash my hand back and forth to cool it off. As soon as the hot flake reaches the ground, it dies out a few seconds later.

The sky is raining embers.

I had to be careful. Sure, these falling embers were scarce, but if none of us were careful, the others that came with me -- Kaileena, Fancypants, Fleur, Osiris, and Mercutio -- would all catch fire: they are furry, after all.

The others...

“Guys!” I call as I head back into the giant hole in the ground we had made on impact. “Wake up!” The five of them slowly rise up and shake their heads to rid them of the dizziness, I think.

“Where are we?” Mercutio grumbles as he grabs his spike-ended maul and uses it to secure his stance.

“I think th’ appropriate question is ‘when are we?” I say.

I wish I hadn’t spoken, because as soon as the words leave my mouth, Osiris gets up abruptly, grabs me by the collar and shakes me like I’m a oversized magic 8-Ball. “You crazy bastard!” His deep voice and loud volume make me shiver slightly in fear. “You’ve doomed us all!”

“Get yer filthy hands off me, ya damn dirty dodo!” I roar once I recuperate before placing both my hands around his neck to choke him out and relinquish his grip on me.

Wait... both hands?

I drop Osiris like a ragdoll (“Oof!”) and glance at my left hand, instantly going slack-jawed at what had happened to it. The arm, instead of being wooden and cheap, is instead a very dark grey, almost bordering on black, and appears very expensive. The style of the arm remind me of Edward Elric’s automail arm from Fullmetal Alchemist, sans the hand and shoulder area, which looks like two pauldrons ending in a rather sharp point; the fingers end in clawlike tips, and a bright blue gem that’s bright and humming with power is embedded into the back of my arm. I go to check my chest and, pulling away a white hoodie and scarlet scarf I had mysteriously acquired, see that the metal was even on my torso as well. The center of my chest also has a bright blue gem glowing and whirring with energy, the jewel encircled in the black metal that reaches to my left ribcage, the style much like Tony Stark’s Iron Man suit. More metal is spread over my left shoulder blade, and is all held down by screws to prevent from falling off.

“What.” I say bluntly, my brain failing to make sense of the situation... as if it could make sense.

“Your arm...” Fancypants murmurs as he repairs his now-cracked monocle with his magic. “It’s been replaced.”

“So are your clothes,” comments Fleur.

“........................What.”

“Moreover, your arm moves.” Kaileena walks over and examines it closely, feeling the articulate balance of it. She moves the fingers slightly, creating an unexplainable reaction in me: I could feel her grabbing the arm and moving the fingers. “Whose work is this?”

“True Pariah, me think.” Mercutio strolls over as well to look at the arm.

“........................................................................what.”

“Say ‘what’ again!” Osiris challenges as he stands up on his lion hindlegs and flaps his wings to stabilise his balance. He pulls back the string of his bow and takes aim at my face. A large magical arrow coalesces on the string, ready to be fired at will. “I dare you! I double-dare you, motherfucker!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop!” I say, putting my hands up in defense. I scan my persona for any changes. The white hoodie I’m donned in is tricked out with extra zippers on the inside of the hoodie and on the chest. It’s also stripped of its sleeves all the way to the shoulder. On the back is - you guessed it - another Hylian sigil. However, my old blue hammerspace-wielding backpack is nowhere to be found (Damn it: that had food and other necessities!). I had on black baggy pants, held up with a black studded faux-leather belt. The red scarf around my neck flutters slightly in the warm wind as well, the material being rather soft and silky on my skin, which is now... more tanned than before? Apparently so, because I have gone from a pale vanilla hue to a slightly exotic butterscotch colour. I look at the reflection of my arm for any facial changes: Not only did I gain a slightly longer goatee, but a Sheikah eye was placed over my right eye, the one not scarred from that Diamond Dog attack on the Urukai village.

The heat of this area makes me take off the red scarf due to fear of heat stroke and wrap it around my waist so that I don’t lose it.

When did this all happen?

How did this all happen?

“So where and when are we?”

“Judging by my travels around Equis, I’d say we’re in the Volcanic Wastelands,” answers Osiris. “There are also a few monsters lingering around, usually dragons or something like that, so be on guard.”

“Huh....” I test my arm out and check it for any kinks or bugs. I start with simple stuff, like flexing my fingers and bending my arm. Those check out well. Now for a little bit more difficult things. I windmill my arm in a circular motion, and it goes in a complete circle without hindrance. Next, I get in a fighting stance, the back of my hands facing forward. I throw a punch at the air, my fist twisting through the atmosphere, stopping at the arm’s length, and coming back. This thing is... phenomenal. It’s light, and strong, much like Ellipsis.

Wait... is my arm made of the same metal is my scythe?

How did Pariah find the metal? And just how did he make it so damn perfect?

Moreover, what time are we in? Did that stone pull a TARDIS and just zap us to the future or the past?

Only one way to find out. “Nut?!” I called. “Are ya there, love?!”

Awww, how sweet. You’re proclaiming your love for me!” Swirling blue mist funnels in front of me, and in a flash, the Egyptian sky deity appeared right before us all, in her beautiful hourglass figure and blue starry attire. “But I’m afraid my husband Geb would be terribly jealous; you are cute, ya know.” Nut fires a wink my way, causing me to blush profusely.

“Wait, what?!” I blurt, mortified heavily. “No, I meant-!”

“Damien, what’s going on?” Kaileena asks. No, not asks... demands. “How do you know her?” Judging by the Bast’s tone of voice, she’s both... upset and saddened? Okay now, where - just where - in the hell do both of those emotions come in?!

Awwww, you didn’t tell her?” Nut says with a pouting look on her face.

“Tell me ‘what?” Kaileena demands.

“Wait, hold on-!”

“Good grief, I never knew this freak of nature was such a player,” Osiris comments.

“Neither did I,” Fancypants says.

Little O’Conny-poo here’s got a crush on me~” Nut gushes.

“What?! Now, wait a bloody minute-!”

“You... PIG!” Kaileena punches me in the back of the head from how outraged she is. “I actually had feelings for you, and you gotta start going gaga for some glittery floozy!”

Floozy?!” Nut reiterates, offended slightly.

‘That’s it! No more!’

The gem on my arm and chest look like they harness tons of magic. I think the word ‘Sonor’ thrice and, once I feel a strange tingling sensation in the back of my throat, I throw my head back.

“SHUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUP!”

My magically-amplified voice is so loud and powerful that it makes the Royal Canterlot Voice sound like someone just stomped on a mouse. The sheer force whips away at the six others like they were caught in a furious tempest. My voice echos tremendously and travels probably miles away from our location. “Are we done?!” I say in a voice so cold, it would’ve turn this volcanic hell into Antarctica. They all nod vigorously. “Good.” I take a moment to deaden my temper, starting with checking my arm and chest gems for any magic loss: not too much, they’re still glowing very brightly. “Kaileena, she’s th’ one who brought me here,” I finally say once my cool has been regained. “And she’s th’ one who gave ya th’ gift o’ seein’ colours.”

“Oh...” The outrage in Kaileena’s voice melts away. “I remember now.”

Nut, the Goddess of the skies, at your service.” She curtsies.

“Sorry for what I said.” Kaileena rubs her arm in embarrassment and guilt.

Eh, no worries.” Nut waves a hand, thus dismissing the matter.

“Wait, a goddess?!” Fleur exclaims. Jesus, for a pony from a city of smart wealthy ponies, she’s slower than a tortoise on LSD. “Inconceivable blasphemy! The only goddesses in Equestria are-”

Princesses Celestia and Luna?” deadpans Nut as she folds her arms on her large bosom in skepticism and unamusement. She was probably thinking the same thing I was. “You really must stop being so close-minded, dearie. There are hundreds - nay, thousands - of us deities running around, zapping people to Equestria to participate in this Chess Game of the Gods that Discord made.

“Thousands of deities? Chess Game of the Gods? Discord?” Fancypants says. “Lady Nut, could you please inform us more of these topics?’

Certainly.” Nut starts to slowly pace in a circle around us. “This little tournament, known as Chess Game of the Gods, was started when the Equestrian god of chaos Discord brought a creature known as a human from the planet Earth to this world of Equis. Yet Discord changed his selected human, his ‘Chess Piece’, into something else. The ex-human became a legend in a few short months. You may know him, Damien: his name was-

“Echo, and he’s a Diamond Dog,” I answer.

Correct. Another deity heard of what Discord had done, and decided to get in on the action, bringing a human known as Griffin. And then another deity did the same with a changeling known as Knightmare, another for a wolf named Aoi, another for a Bast named Khajiit, another for a Traveler known as Omnius; and so on. this chain of launching people to Equestria went on and on, until all of us came together in a fantastic collision of good and evil to see if our Chess Pieces would come out on top during the End Game.

“And what’s th’ End Game?”

That, I can’t reveal. You must discover that yourself.” Nut stops her pacing and turns to face me. “Now, what did you call me for?

“Oh!” I suddenly remember what I want to talk to Nut about. “Actually, I have a few questions.”

Shoot.

“One: how did I get all these fancy upgrades? These weren’t here before we were warped in time.”

Simple. The stone, the Atlamillia, that you struck with your scythe sent you forward into the future, and has applied changes to all your personas in the span time it would’ve taken to obtain them if you had gone at the regular rate of time.

“So not only are you saying that anything we could’ve gathered from two weeks ago is with us now, but you’re also saying we’ve entered an apocalyptic era in the future where fire is raining down on us?” Kaileena asks.

Not exactly on that last bit,” Nut answers with a chuckle. “Luckily, the Atlamillia sent you six about two weeks into the future, so you haven’t exactly missed much.”

We all let out breaths we had no clue we were holding in, much less simultaneously. “So what’s the date now?” Osiris inquires. Nut closes her blank white glowing eyes and rubs her temples in circular motions.

September the twenty-seventh, I believe.” She opens her eyes again with a smile.

“And one last question.” I think this one through this time, rather than all the bullshit things I’ve said/done/thought in my time here. “If we went a fortnight forward through time, an’ anything we might’ve acquired is with us, have th’ people we could’ve met in that time remember us?”

Hmm....” Nut puts a hand to her chin, contemplating the question. We could all practically hear the cogs in her head turning to produce a decent answer.

I’m afraid not,” she finally answers. “Think of it like that computer game you play all the time - what was it... Dungeons and Dragons Online?” I nod, slightly embarrassed as to how she knows what games I played on Steam. Next thing you know, she’ll probably announce what kind of underwear I prefer. “You know when you walk in and obtain an item during a certain quest, doesn’t that item usually go away when you leave the dungeon floor, or when you use it?” I nod again. “Yes, it’s rather like that, but it works both ways.” At the confused looks on our faces, Nut pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs heavily. “Allow me to explain: you’ve met people in the two weeks you’ve all travelled forwards, but they’ve forgotten you. They literally have no recollection of seeing you, nor you them.

“Oh....” I sigh. So... any friends I could’ve made, any people I could’ve met: they won’t remember me? Or any of us? That’s... awful. Especially since I won’t remember them either. “Thanks,” I finally murmur.

Don’t mention it, Chess Piece.” She leans forward to whisper in my ear. “And the undergarments you prefer are boxer briefs and V-Necks.” She breathes in my ear.

I recoil in disgust and shock. I have a goddess that stalks me.... fantastic. “Ya really gotta cut that shit out,” I quietly seethe.

Or what?” She says to provoke me. I bite my tongue to prevent from lashing out even further. “Exactly.” With a giggle, she became blue swirling mist once more, the mist spreading to my feet and taking the form of my shadow. “If you need me, just lemme know.” Her voice echoed in my head now instead.

...HAHAHAHA fuck no. After that little fiasco, I’m only calling you out in private.

“Excuse me... are you alright?” A deep, booming voice asks from behind me. The voice reminds me of a coffin slamming shut. I turn around to expect a dragon, but the thing I see is no such thing.

Standing before us is this... huge tree. He towered over me like a skyscraper. Long branches and leaves on his head are styled like hair, with his arms and legs respectively consisting of boughs and thick roots. A few figs decorate his hair, and he has armor; however, it’s all styled out of bark and strong wood: sycamore, perhaps? He also has a face that’s concealed by his long hair, the face resembling a scary wooden mask. A symbol on his belt heavily resembles an ankh.

The overall effect made him look rather intimidating.

“Are you alright?” The same deep and booming voice inquires again. After a second or two of terrible brainfart, I recover and realise that the voice is coming from the tree.

...Brain?

‘Yes?’

I’m high as a bloody kite, aren’t I?

‘Nope.’

...Seriously? You’re not shitting me, are you? No dope? No crack? Nothing?

‘Nada - I would know.’

Well, then...

“Holy shiiiiiit....” I drawl.

What? What else could I say? I’m talking to a tree, damn it, and it sure as hell is not Fluttershy.

What do?

Plan Number One: go nuttier than squirrel feces; Plan Number Two: attack and come out on top; or Plan Number Three: get acquainted with this talking tree (an Ent?).

First option is out the window: I’m already crazier than an high-security asylum patient with a bag of coke; how much more batshit insane can I get?

Second option is also a dumb one: this guy’s bloody huge! He’d probably squash me like a bug if I tried to hit him.

Time for Plan Number Three.

“Uh, hi. How are ya?” I wave.

Urgh... this is gonna be a long day....”