You definitely have my interest and I look forward to what you have planned for the story. also if you don't already have one look for an editor, some of the way it's written made it awkward to go thru for me at least
7857794 I know! I couldn't believe no one though of having Sombra go back in time and do something like this either. Or at least do something to change the timeline.
It's almost been 24 hours since the story was approved and posted. 50 up votes to 3 down votes and a lot of faves. I never ever thought this story would do this well in the first day, and off of one, ONE chapter that's not even 2,000 words long. Shit! A big thank you to all my readers. The only way this could have been better was if it got featured, but who knows in a couple chapters it could happen.
Sombra was much more efficient in defeating Starlight. Would be interesting to see how alicorn Twilight deals with the corpse in her castle, will she call the authorities and risk been accused of murder or will she bury her in her backyard? Who knows.
80 up votes! I-I need to sit down I got me a case of the vapors. If chapter one alone gets this story up to a 100 up votes I think I'll have a heart attack. Climb baby climb!
7858633 For all intensive porpoises it very well could have been, or could be in the not so far off future, I've seen stories featured with less likes than this.
All the more reason to write hastily however, or the hype will simmer down and the algorithm will dump you.
I like this. Not many corruption stories on here, so I'm gonna track this. Also, try to expand how the scenes flow. It seems...Rushed...To me. But that's just my opinion, besides, the story is great!
7858064 All right. So, your comment should have read: Interesting, Intriguing...Fascinating.
Not many corrupted/tyrant Sparkle fics on this site, I will keep an eye on this. It is definitely a unique approach to the idea. My actual reply to your comment, though: Yes there is! You just have to look, and keep an open mind as to what constitutes a corrupted/tyrant Sparkle fic! Hell, there's even an entire group dedicated to the idea of corrupted/tyrant Sparkle fics!
7860857 All right. So, your comment should have read: I'm wondering if the future version of Twilight will try go back in time to change things even more. (I think that's what you were trying to say, anyways?) Like tell past Celestia and wait. My actual reply to your comment, though: I don't think that she could. I mean, Starlight Glimmer is the one that fixed Starswirl's spell so that it could do what Sombra used it to do.
7863055 All right. So, your comment should have read: For all intents and purposes, it very well could have been, or could be in the not so far off future, I've seen stories featured with less likes than this.
8069806 All right. So, your comment should have read: I like how Sombra's acting like a father My actual reply to your comment, though: Well of course he is! I mean, sure, the show showed him to be power mad, but this story has established the fact that he's a decent, (if not Lexian level), strategist! Also, but Lexian, I, of course, mean Lex Luthor. Also! Also. Yes. Father Sombra is quite adorably evil, isn't he? I mean, sure, he's not doing anything wrong exactly, but, at the same time, he is actually doing quite a lot wrong, isn't he? "I Adopted you" Heh.
“Hello Twilight.” He used his magic to grab the discarded scroll and unwrinkled it. “Time travel. You Miss Gimmer are talented aren’t you, but you think too small. Going back and preventing Rainbow Dash’s sonic rainboom so Twilight and her friends won’t get their cutie marks will accomplish very little. I have much grander plans in mind, and seeing as you’re the only pony that can replicate this spell you’ll have to die. Don’t want anypony following me now do I.”
Shouldn't there be a question mark at the end of the parapgraph? Cuz Sombra is technically asking a question right
I feel like Twilight saying "Daddy" would be a little more appropriate because well, she is only 5 years old at this point.(Talking about the part where she was 5 years old not 20)
It would also add a level of cuteness to this story
Wow I leave for a few hours after this story finally gets posted and come back to 20 favorites and 15 up votes, damn! Strangely no comments though.
You have my attention
Over 20 up votes within 12 hours of posting. I didn't think this story would have this good of start. Thank you everyone.
good start
This story has a great start, I can see a lot of potential from this story. Keep up the good work.
7857330
Thank you. Glad you liked it.
You definitely have my interest and I look forward to what you have planned for the story. also if you don't already have one look for an editor, some of the way it's written made it awkward to go thru for me at least
For the love of all things unholy, how did you come up with this first?!? Damn, this looks like it's going to work.
7857794
I know! I couldn't believe no one though of having Sombra go back in time and do something like this either. Or at least do something to change the timeline.
Interesting, Intriguing...Fascinating.
Not many corrupted/tyrant Sparkle fics on this site, I will keep an eye on this. It is defiantly a unique approach to the idea.
Tracking!
It's almost been 24 hours since the story was approved and posted. 50 up votes to 3 down votes and a lot of faves. I never ever thought this story would do this well in the first day, and off of one, ONE chapter that's not even 2,000 words long. Shit! A big thank you to all my readers. The only way this could have been better was if it got featured, but who knows in a couple chapters it could happen.
Mehehehehehe another where Twi goes bad this should be interesting.
Sweet! I can never turn down a good corruption story. Can't wait to see what you got!Might wanna fix this though
I think it's Sombra
Love it so far and will be watching you.
7859151
Oops, fixing.
i wounding if twilight her future vision try go back and time.
like tell past celestia and wait.
Sombra was much more efficient in defeating Starlight. Would be interesting to see how alicorn Twilight deals with the corpse in her castle, will she call the authorities and risk been accused of murder or will she bury her in her backyard? Who knows.
80 up votes! I-I need to sit down I got me a case of the vapors. If chapter one alone gets this story up to a 100 up votes I think I'll have a heart attack. Climb baby climb!
7858633
For all intensive porpoises it very well could have been, or could be in the not so far off future, I've seen stories featured with less likes than this.
All the more reason to write hastily however, or the hype will simmer down and the algorithm will dump you.
I like this. Not many corruption stories on here, so I'm gonna track this.
Also, try to expand how the scenes flow. It seems...Rushed...To me. But that's just my opinion, besides, the story is great!
Think it should be beginning.
I don't know why but I like this
I know I'm gonna enjoy this already!
I like how Sombra's acting like a farther
7858064
All right. So, your comment should have read:
Interesting, Intriguing...Fascinating.
Not many corrupted/tyrant Sparkle fics on this site, I will keep an eye on this. It is definitely a unique approach to the idea.
My actual reply to your comment, though: Yes there is! You just have to look, and keep an open mind as to what constitutes a corrupted/tyrant Sparkle fic! Hell, there's even an entire group dedicated to the idea of corrupted/tyrant Sparkle fics!
7860857
All right. So, your comment should have read:
I'm wondering if the future version of Twilight will try go back in time to change things even more. (I think that's what you were trying to say, anyways?)
Like tell past Celestia and wait.
My actual reply to your comment, though: I don't think that she could. I mean, Starlight Glimmer is the one that fixed Starswirl's spell so that it could do what Sombra used it to do.
7863055
All right. So, your comment should have read:
For all intents and purposes, it very well could have been, or could be in the not so far off future, I've seen stories featured with less likes than this.
8069806
All right. So, your comment should have read:
I like how Sombra's acting like a father
My actual reply to your comment, though: Well of course he is! I mean, sure, the show showed him to be power mad, but this story has established the fact that he's a decent, (if not Lexian level), strategist! Also, but Lexian, I, of course, mean Lex Luthor. Also! Also. Yes. Father Sombra is quite adorably evil, isn't he? I mean, sure, he's not doing anything wrong exactly, but, at the same time, he is actually doing quite a lot wrong, isn't he? "I Adopted you" Heh.
Shouldn't there be a question mark at the end of the parapgraph? Cuz Sombra is technically asking a question right
I feel like Twilight saying "Daddy" would be a little more appropriate because well, she is only 5 years old at this point.(Talking about the part where she was 5 years old not 20)
It would also add a level of cuteness to this story
9683764
No he's not asking her, he's more making a statement.
9683768
You're right that would better. I'll change it.
Okay now I'm interested