Bluest Blood, Whitest Crime
After the car was clear of the doorway Luna was led into the throne room by her sister, the doors closing with a thunderous slam behind them. I waited calmly for all of ten seconds before I heard something.
“WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL NIGHT,” boomed Celestia’s voice. The volume of her voice, and the fact that I wasn’t listening at the door, told me she was far more angry than she looked.
“And so this guy’s Zack,” said one of the dusky pegasi to a couple of the guards who were out here.
“He’s not dangerous is he,” asked one.
“No he isn’t Sheer; he’s been surprisingly well behaved so far.”
“BUT THAT ISN’T THE POINT,” rang Celestia’s voice again.
I sighed and walked over to the talking soldiers. “Do they normally fight?”
“Well, if they do then they’re a lot quieter about it,” replied a beige pony on the fringe of the group. “Sorry, my name is Aureus.”
“This is all very strange to me Aureus, is there anything you can tell me to help things along?”
“Well I’m afraid that you arrival may have worn on Princess Celestia’s last vestige of patience this morning.”
“Why’s that?”
“It’s her nephew, Prince Blueblood. He has requested an appointment with her highness and well…”
“He’s an insufferable brat,” I suggested.
Aureus smiled. “Yes, I think that’s a polite way to put it. Princess Celestia hasn’t been willing to talk to Prince Blueblood for years. Not since he became, as you put it, an insufferable brat.”
“Well, perhaps I can help her in that department.”
“Oh, and just what do you think you could do?”
“What any criminal of my quality can do. The kind of thing I do best.”
“You expect Princess Celestia to ask for a criminal’s assistance?”
“I expect her to see that even a criminal can help her run a nation. I’ll need some tools for the job and, if you have a plan, I’ll need a few supplies more specific materials.” This sounds like good practice, I thought. Now, I have a rule about women. Actually, I have a few. The important one is to, regardless of the circumstance, always be polite and gentlemanly. After all, to quote Congreve, ‘Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.’
“I UNDERSTAND,” shrieked Celestia, “BUT HE’S A CRIMINAL!”
I sighed as I heard the lack of confidence screaming on the other side of the doors. “I’d rather take house arrest over prison if at all possible Aureus; I have to prove it to her don’t I?”
“I’m afraid so.”
I went back over to the car and fished through the glove box, hoping for a notepad and something to write with, no such luck. “I’m willing to do a little cloak and dagger to evade prison, but I need to write important things down so we’re all clear about what I’d like to get and what I can’t get.”
“So what’s ‘cloak and dagger’ Mr. Criminal,” asked a soldier. He was a white unicorn with a blue mane.
“It’s more secretive, like espionage, but you weren’t here earlier,” I replied, my mind ripe with curiosity. “I’d rather be called Zack if you don’t mind.” Though you may end up interrogating me, I thought. In that case, I’ll need to suggest ‘Mr. Raes’ instead.
“No I wasn’t, but I could hear the argument during my patrol.”
“So, correct me if I’m wrong but, now you want to know why nobody’s throwing me in prison?”
“Yes, if you are a criminal why are you just standing around in the palace?”
“I DON’T CARE,” roared Luna’s voice from past the doors.
“That seems to be where the argument is at right now,” I replied nervously.
“Well,” Aureus interjected, “I will have to risk going inside. I’ll need to announce Prince Blueblood soon.”
“Wait,” said unicorn with the blue mane, “does Princess Celestia know he’s on his way?”
“Yes she does, but she has no way to avoid him.”
“This fight,” I suggested. “We can all look busy by moving my car out of the way and someone can tell him to reschedule or something.”
“But we-”
“Just hear me out, I know my way around a situation. I fall into a different category of criminal than say a pickpocket or a,” I shivered at the thought of it, “killer. Okay, I have stolen from time to time but that’s not important. What is important is that I know how to talk my way around an issue. I specialize in white-collar crime. You know forgery, fraud, cons, that sort of thing. With the right supplies, I can forge just about any legal document.” I’ll just avoid the persuasion boasting for now, I reminded myself.
“That could work for a long term solution,” replied Aureus. “We need to get Prince Blueblood out of Princess Celestia’s mane for a while and you could help us with that.”
“What exactly would I be doing?”
“We can send Prince Blueblood to the academy and serve his time as a soldier, just like every noble stallion has to.”
“Then I’ll need handwriting samples, the proper inks, proper papers, formatting peculiarities, and examples of acceptance papers.”
“You’ll also need to learn our written language,” said Princess Celestia as the doors opened. She seemed far more composed than when I had fist seen her, but I suppose that what I saw was just as Aureus said, the last vestige of her patience.
“Yes, I suppose so your highness. Do you need anything else that will require my expertise?”
She gave me an impish grin. “I’ll tell you if something arises; Shining Armor?”
The unicorn with the blue mane stepped forward. “Yes Princess Celestia?”
“Show him to a guest quarters for the time being.” She turned to look directly at me, “I’ll make sure you receive all the tools you require Mr. Raes. As well as a tailor if you need one.”
“Thank you very much,” I replied as Princess Luna ducked out and Aureus slipped in, “I won’t disappoint you.”
“Better not,” Shining Armor whispered to me.
“We’ll help you with the car,” said one of the black armored pegasi.
*****
Getting the car around the castle was hard and we eventually chose to slip it into an, according to Shining Armor, rarely used corridor. I made a mental note to find a better place for it later.
“I think I agree with Captain Shining Armor,” said one of my guides. “For your own safety, you better not disappoint Princess Celestia.”
“Well, she rules half of the day right? I would hope I don’t displease her at the very least.” She seems like a tough employer, I silently added. I couldn’t deny that doing something like this would cement myself into a nice, albeit niche, position. Still, the ruler of the daylight hours sounded far too impressive to go forgotten in my mind.
Then there was Princess Luna. If I understood it right, then she ruled the other half of the day. Perhaps I was a curiosity to Luna and based on her alarm, Luna brought me here. I can’t exactly lean on her either, she could send me back and I fear for those prospects.
Eventually the only one left with me was Shining Armor, our resident Night Guards had elected to sleep. “I know you don’t approve of me,” I chanced.
“You’re right, I don’t approve,” he replied coldly, “you’re a criminal and then you show up here and expect us to just accept that?”
“I can’t prove I can help amend this ‘snobby prince’ issue without help. I’ll need the tools and materials Shining Armor.”
I had to quickly stop as he creaked open a door. “This will be your room for the time being.”
“Well then, thank you for showing me the way.” He didn’t even acknowledge my thanks as he trotted of. With a sigh, I walked into the dark room.
After fumbling around for a while, I found the window curtains and let the sun illuminate the room. “Work cut out for me,” I said dryly to the dusty, cobweb encrusted room. A gorgeous view of New York or a relaxing tropical beach it wasn’t, but this was where I picked up the last few shards of my former life. I was ready to mold them into my new life, one where I probably should watch what my hands grab.
Celestia continued to try to tune out Blueblood all morning, meeting with mixed results and a desperate urge to nap. You can do this, she reminded herself. Once he is called to the academy, you’ll be free of him until you have to inspect the new soldiers. Princess Celestia’s mind continued to drift along with thoughts of sending Blueblood to almost certain doom that she hardly even noticed that he had stopped talking.
“Is something wrong Princess,” asked Aureus as he looked up to her nervously.
Celestia cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, it’s our guest Aureus. I was wondering if he’s not being shown around too much.”
“There is a guest in the castle,” asked Blueblood, “I’ve not heard of anypony travelling to Canterlot to see you au… I’m sorry, Princess Celestia.”
Celestia smiled, her first genuine smile since Blueblood entered her sight. At least you remember I’m in charge nephew, she silently reprimanded. “We have a guest who has traveled a very long way to help me handle a few problems around Canterlot.”
“Well, would you mind introducing me to him?”
“I’m afraid I can’t, he would rather keep to himself while he gets acquainted with his new living arrangements.”
“Then could you please just-”
“It doesn’t matter how many times you ask or plead, I will not give an order to destroy a small town just because your night was ruined. It’s been a long time since then and you need to show everypony that you can rise above one unfortunate event.”
“But it-”
“I won’t hear another word about it. You are a prince, Blueblood. I expect you to act as a pillar for all of ponykind to follow if you wish to keep being called one.” Please take the hint and leave!
“Consider it dropped,” said Blueblood with a sigh. “I’ll let you get back to more important affairs Princess.” As he withdrew from Celestia’s sight everypony present felt more relieved.
Stats
Page generated in 0.06 seconds
Total duration
1,077 users online
1,822,498 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Still loving it.
I'm liking the protagonist more and more. And I have to say that I'm extremely curious at how you're going to pull off the ship. Your Celestia seems to be of the more serious kind. And very well written at that. Not many manage to write her without pushing her into either a spot as nearly nonexistent or just making her a generic character. A lot, and this goes for quite the number of shipping fics, tend to skip the whole shipping and make them just suddenly be madly in love without much forethought.
Some seem to think that having them pining for each other for ages is a good way, but that's often just as bad as just suddenly having the two together. So I'm excited to see how you're going to go about it. Especially how much of it is going to be 'faked' by Zach.
"HE IS A CRIMINAL"
"oh he can get rid of blueblood?"
"ok then he is hired"
Stop asking her to destroy Ponyville! She's sick of it already!
913169 to be fair thats a good reason the hire him
913169 Lol.
I'm loving this. Okay Celestia, just a little fraud here, and framing there, and your problems are solved.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_Scratch.png
Well well well, a human who's taking his sudden teleportation to a magical land of small talking horses quite well and not freaking out! Now that is original! :D
913144 I am in full agreement.
913411
I found it kinda weird, don't think people usually plan for that kinda thing so it's fair to assume they react like this
Just have a talking horse there instead
but then again he's criminal scum
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16989888/images/1321975867132.jpg
So maybe that's just how he reacts?
913411
Technically I think he's just enjoying the fact that he's not facing prison time. I believe the term, better here than there fits this situation.
913569 It's just that most HiE stories I read where hyooman ends up accidentally in Equestria freak out (unless they're bronies, in which case they squee like crazy).
Hmm. I normally don't read HiE stories, but you've got me intrigued. Please, continue.
I just have one question...WHY DOES HE STILL NEED THE CAR?!
"Four you're protection."
Four
For
Four
For
Sorry I am being an ass but it peeved me.
Trollestia Strikes Again!
913144: This is something I have to ask myself whenever I start writing a chapter. I wrote out a lot of his train of thought and personality but each time I have to remind myself that he's a con man and that there's a con in his mind regardless of if he wants it there or not.
Where is this? I can't find it anywhere so I can fix it.
913383: I find there are three basic categories of fictional criminals: brutes, brains, and charmers. Very generic but that's not really too important. Zack falls in the charmer category.
913169 & 913387: He's my pet project and hearing that makes it all feel less like a guilty move.
913609: I've written plenty of HiE (not to mention read them) and I think that was always a big issue. It's difficult to write around and I do my best. Previously, I wrote the "I'll just freak out later."
913728: Thank you for reading then, I hope to continue to intrigue you.
913750: Personally, I would think he thinks it still has the possibility of working.
913766:
Now, I'm working on the next chapter as I write this, but this isn't just me taking a break. This is me giving you all some feedback.
Hold on, lemme find it.
After you left the ***** break, it's on the 3rd line.
918951 Thanks, I was wondering where, not to mention when, I'd slip up
918934 Yay! I love authors who give feedback!! That is why I do it in my fics.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_Scratch.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
918934 I'd be all like, "DUUUUUUDE!! I just ended up in another dimension!! Do you ponies know how many laws of physics I just violated? I'm, like, a supervillain of the universe! How cool is that?
And Dash would be like, "It's at least 20% cooler than any other villain!"
And I'd be like, "Awwwww yeahhhhhhh!!!"
And it would totally rock.
"Yes, your Highness, I am a criminal. I am an individual who has broken the laws of his country in the pursuit of, in the opinion of those selfsame laws, illicit gains. This is hardly a stellar achievement--- there are so many laws in my country's books that, simply by going about one's daily business, every man-jack one of us is estimated to break the high law of the land four times a day.
"Simply by consuming a particular herb in one region, I am deemed worthy of longer prison sentences than a man who slit's another one's throat. By light of copying a bit of music--- an intangible product--- in another, I am deemed a criminal who has stolen the wealth of kings. there are lands where owning the wrong book or praying to the wrong god can get me beheaded. It is a crime in most places to go on my own land, chop down my own tree, saw it into planks to build on my own property and to burn the remnant in my own fireplace. Whatever I say, think, eat, drink, wear, or do, there is someone someplace who has been so offended by it that they have added to the damnable letter of the law to make it a crime. So yes, Highness, I am a criminal. Aren't we all.
"The fact that I am a criminal is an irrelevant one; the thing that is relevant to YOU is that I am a man with skills. Skills that you need, skills that you, being the law of the land, could never use yourself, skills that I on the other hand have no compunction about using, legal or not. You need me."
I'm enjoying this far more than I thought I would. I'll admit skepticism, but then I just kept on reading
One thing: "You are a prince Blueblood" VS "You are a prince, Blueblood."
Every time I see the name Prince Blueblood, i think Prince Blueballs. He IS an annoying brat, and he needs to be kicked in the testicles until his balls match his name. Nurse, 40 score and 7 kicks to the balls please. There, we now have one sterilized Prince who can never infect this world with another demon spawn of his own.
Hmmmm.... You're leaving out a lot, and the story is suffering because of it.
wants to destroy a whole town over one night...probably the gala thing.. yeah lets send the assassins after that douche.
Brain: Not too late. I'll admit that I'm intrigued, but we can stop now with no ill effect and come back when the author decides to start working on it again.
Me: Eh, got nothing else to read.
Brain: We have over 70 stories in our read later que!
Me: Eeeehh, one more chapter of this.
Brain: *sigh*
3256243
Amateurs. I've got almost 250!
Loving the story by the way.
3529530 nearly 2,000.