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Chrysalis last Chance

Chrysalis is planning a new Assault but then a Guard shows her another Option. Can Equestria help her to find an alternate food resource an finally find Peace with anypony and the other Creatures?

Chapters (4)

Epilogoue · 28th Jun 2012 · 1,481 words
1,481
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Chapter 1 · 22nd Jul 2012 · 1,147 words
1,147
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Chapter 2 · 22nd Jul 2012 · 1,013 words
1,013
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Chapter 3 · 22nd Jul 2012 · 111 words
111
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Comments ( 2 )

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RedAllex

RedAllex #1 · Jun 29th, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Well, it seems you've got the story in mind. That I'll leave alone and up to you. My suggestion is to space out your dialogue, and explain who's speaking a bit more. Also, space out the story itself. As it stands, it's a "wall of text." Possibly look into getting a proofreader to help you, if you think that's best.

In any case, keep at it and I'm sure you'll improve. Keep it classy.

Tobias_S.

Tobias_S. #2 · Jul 22nd, 2012 · · · Chapter 2 ·

830854
I know, the "Wall of Text" is my biggest Problem if i write in English

About the Who tells.. yea i love it if you have to think a bit about the story, so you not let it slip off your mind so easily.

This is also my first Story and my first Clopfic. I wanted to start with the Nastier Parts first originally, but i thought this would´nt be as great as a big-style story.

Thank you for reading and critisize(? is that the right way of writing the Word ?) Hope you liked it.
T.S. - Over and out