This was well worth the wait. There was one or two small grammatical errors, and over half the chapter was in italics by mistake, but I can ignore all that because it was just so damn awesome.
Starting off is Fluttershy. Here we got a bit more of her mindset. Previously we saw that while she had hopped for this outcome, she hadn't wanted her friend to end up in a position she didn't like. However she also enjoyed getting to let her wild side out and felt more turned on by having Rainbow there with her. However after the bath tub scene Fluttershy got to see a slightly darker side to the situation that put a hamper on her happy go lucky attitude. It will be interesting to see how she reacts in the next chapter, but I think this was a little dose of reality for her. that while this is a fun situation, the writ contract is more then just sexy times. Ruby outright owns her and Dash, and can legally do whatever he wants.
We got to see here that the situation could be complicated by bringing in the authorities and the whole thing is a mess, but it was a good means of letting the reader know that there isn't going to be some quick fix option to end things. We also got to see Fluttershy have to make a moral choice here. Ruby made his point to her about how Dash hurting him was not ok and that whether she likes the situation or not, violence will not get her out of it. Internally Fluttershy made the same agreement, albeit with some hesitation and concern for her friend. This to me shows that even if she has now been confronted with the fact that this isn't all going to be fun and sex, she can still follow the rules without trouble.
Ruby and Dash however were the central focus of the chapter, with each growing somewhat and reaching different outcomes. Ruby so far has been just having some fun and adjusting to being allowed to be a dominant after his generally submissive behaviour turned away potential romantic interests in the past. However Dash quickly darkened the situation by lashing out and he was forced to make some choices on how to proceed.
Dash was once again faced with the fact that she keeps making things worse for herself, alongside guilt. I think this chapter finally struck home for her. The previous chapter had her agreeing she had got herself into the situation, but it was more because she was too tired to fight and just let things happen. However being refreshed brought back her energy and defiance. However after Ruby's declaration of punishment, she finally seemed to go over in her head how she herself had just made this worse.
The sex scene however was the most interesting. At first Ruby had to lay down the law, which further helped cement for Dash that there would be consequences if she kept acting up. More though I think, it was a chance for Rainbow to see that while Ruby is a bit of a dick, he isn't some complete monster, and that for all her acting up, that they both fully knew she would continue, he was still only going to go so far with his ownership over her.
Dash deciding to stop fighting for the night though was very curious. It was difficult to read from her emotions, since dash herself couldn't work it out. Seeing her decide to give in and behave just for the night is strange and I can't pinpoint why she chose to. It might have been because she felt guilty and this was subconsciously her way of apologizing, since she had outright claimed she wouldn't verbally apologize. Perhaps she had just reached a point where she was too tired of fighting to resist. Perhaps a part of her actually wanted to try tings, at least once. The fact that she herself doesn't know what is driving her is really fascinating.
Its during the act itself that several revelations come about.
First is that Rainbow definitely has some feelings for Fluttershy. How deep they go and whether they are actually real feelings and not just lust is unclear, but rainbow definitely finds Fluttershy attractive.
Second is that Ruby definitely prefers being a dominant, but more to a submissive. This is why he got along so well with Fluttershy, as she loves being a submissive to a dominant. Ruby has so far been trying to exert dominance over Rainbow, but Rainbow is a very dominant pony, and doesn't take well to having dominant above her. However Ruby definitely enjoyed Rainbow's resistance. Her clear dislike, but still submission and enjoyment, turning him on. Fluttershy likes to be dominated, but with Rainbow, he had to win first, he had to exert himself until he won the dominance, rather then had it handed to him, and I think that turned him on even more.
Most importantly though, we discovered something that Rainbow's inexperience with sex had kept hidden from her. Rainbow enjoyed being a submissive. Rainbow in everyday life is completely dominant. She is in complete control and hates losing. To her submission felt like losing. However here, forced to contend with the situation, without any further excuses or delays, she discovered she was incredibly turned on. We saw in earlier chapters that she was, at least in mindset, submissive to Fluttershy, and after Fluttershy molested her (thinking she was helping) she didn't put up much resistance. Here though, she fought against Ruby, but remained the submissive, verbally fighting back but letting her body be ravished. At the end, when Ruby had brought her to the brink she even admitted out loud that she loved it. After the act, she had no real fight left and further admitted that Ruby owned her. I suspect that throughout most of the next chapter, for what we see of her, she won't have a great deal of fight in her. At least until she gets a good nights sleep in.
I cannot wait to see what happens next. Whether Fluttershy will return to her happy sexy state, or whether the dose of reality has soured the experience for her. How Ruby will act with Fluttershy and Rainbow in the future. Plus whether Rainbow, having made the shocking (and to her disgusting) discovery that she likes being manhandled in bed, will let herself slip more into her new role, or whether she will continue to fight against. I can totally see the dog collar getting her riled up one way or the other.
7738031 Holy mother of comments! Fixed the italics part. Sorry about that. Hopefully not too many people saw it. I liked your summary, but I'm not going to hit it point by point. You missed a few things that I thought were clear, and hit some things that I thought were vague, so I'm pretty impressed. Loved reading the comment! Dunno who keeps down voting you or why. Any comments on things I did wrong? While glowing praise is nice and all, I actually prefer the opposite. (although I'm cool with both. I'm a switch like that.) Thanks for the comment!
First, Dash. She's feisty one, and I think she'll benefit from submission scenes quite a lot. And not saying anything about obvious sexual stuff, but there's quite a few things that Ruby could do - like dress her up for training with Wonderbolts. Just putting on her naked body that skin-tight suit, or dressing her in maid outfit when she's in house - slave should be dressed as owner pleases, right? Or reverse that, and make Dash disrobe him, get him out of work clothing, put on some cozy home stuff. Slowly, reasonably make her serve him and deal with fact that she's a slave.
Second, Shy. There's lot of possibilities with her. Teaching Dash to obey their Master, or engaging in some hot lesbian action, putting up work in cleaning, dusting and cooking, as proper slave should. Ruby could walk her to sellers and help with them overcharging her. And she can act on her lewd desires!
Not to mention, you can cover spanking, breath play, make Dash live her day with vibrating bullet inside her... Yum.
7738783 Ok, well I think something you could work on is maybe having Fluttershy be a little more involved and focused. So far she's been happy and had some fun, but her parts never really go too deep and her mindset isn't overly engaging. Obviously her motivations and interactions will be vastly different then Rainbow's, but just because she enjoys the situation doesn't mean she can't grow as a character or get to have some more in depth segments. Perhaps we could have a more detailed look as to what she enjoys about sex and submission, and how she got involved with it initially. Show her current emotional connection to Ruby and whether she actually wants it to grow or stay at a basic sexual partner role with no depth. More about why she enjoys Rainbow's presence during the acts.
Ruby I think has had some great development. He's been a bit indecisive sometimes, about how dominant he actually wants to be and how far he wants to take things. I think this last chapter with Dash has helped that a lot. I think he needs a bit more time with Fluttershy, but after that he should start to escalate things a little bit. It might be good to get a bit more into his personality and history with the crystal empire. He knows a lot about slavery, and I think a discussion with Rainbow and Fluttershy might be a good thing, both for some perspective for Rainbow, and to give Fluttershy some ideas.
Rainbow has been getting some great development so far and I think you are really on the right track with her, letting her fight but slowly discover her own sexual preferences and how she should interact with Ruby and Fluttershy respectively.
Overall the weakest points of the story are more from Fluttershy, but not from mistakes or bad writing, just a lack of character growth or depth. Nothing that can't be fixed with a little closer focus on the character.
Comment posted by ISleepNow deleted Feb 25th, 2017
This was well worth the wait. There was one or two small grammatical errors, and over half the chapter was in italics by mistake, but I can ignore all that because it was just so damn awesome.
Starting off is Fluttershy. Here we got a bit more of her mindset. Previously we saw that while she had hopped for this outcome, she hadn't wanted her friend to end up in a position she didn't like. However she also enjoyed getting to let her wild side out and felt more turned on by having Rainbow there with her. However after the bath tub scene Fluttershy got to see a slightly darker side to the situation that put a hamper on her happy go lucky attitude. It will be interesting to see how she reacts in the next chapter, but I think this was a little dose of reality for her. that while this is a fun situation, the writ contract is more then just sexy times. Ruby outright owns her and Dash, and can legally do whatever he wants.
We got to see here that the situation could be complicated by bringing in the authorities and the whole thing is a mess, but it was a good means of letting the reader know that there isn't going to be some quick fix option to end things. We also got to see Fluttershy have to make a moral choice here. Ruby made his point to her about how Dash hurting him was not ok and that whether she likes the situation or not, violence will not get her out of it. Internally Fluttershy made the same agreement, albeit with some hesitation and concern for her friend. This to me shows that even if she has now been confronted with the fact that this isn't all going to be fun and sex, she can still follow the rules without trouble.
Ruby and Dash however were the central focus of the chapter, with each growing somewhat and reaching different outcomes. Ruby so far has been just having some fun and adjusting to being allowed to be a dominant after his generally submissive behaviour turned away potential romantic interests in the past. However Dash quickly darkened the situation by lashing out and he was forced to make some choices on how to proceed.
Dash was once again faced with the fact that she keeps making things worse for herself, alongside guilt. I think this chapter finally struck home for her. The previous chapter had her agreeing she had got herself into the situation, but it was more because she was too tired to fight and just let things happen. However being refreshed brought back her energy and defiance. However after Ruby's declaration of punishment, she finally seemed to go over in her head how she herself had just made this worse.
The sex scene however was the most interesting. At first Ruby had to lay down the law, which further helped cement for Dash that there would be consequences if she kept acting up. More though I think, it was a chance for Rainbow to see that while Ruby is a bit of a dick, he isn't some complete monster, and that for all her acting up, that they both fully knew she would continue, he was still only going to go so far with his ownership over her.
Dash deciding to stop fighting for the night though was very curious. It was difficult to read from her emotions, since dash herself couldn't work it out. Seeing her decide to give in and behave just for the night is strange and I can't pinpoint why she chose to. It might have been because she felt guilty and this was subconsciously her way of apologizing, since she had outright claimed she wouldn't verbally apologize. Perhaps she had just reached a point where she was too tired of fighting to resist. Perhaps a part of her actually wanted to try tings, at least once. The fact that she herself doesn't know what is driving her is really fascinating.
Its during the act itself that several revelations come about.
First is that Rainbow definitely has some feelings for Fluttershy. How deep they go and whether they are actually real feelings and not just lust is unclear, but rainbow definitely finds Fluttershy attractive.
Second is that Ruby definitely prefers being a dominant, but more to a submissive. This is why he got along so well with Fluttershy, as she loves being a submissive to a dominant. Ruby has so far been trying to exert dominance over Rainbow, but Rainbow is a very dominant pony, and doesn't take well to having dominant above her. However Ruby definitely enjoyed Rainbow's resistance. Her clear dislike, but still submission and enjoyment, turning him on. Fluttershy likes to be dominated, but with Rainbow, he had to win first, he had to exert himself until he won the dominance, rather then had it handed to him, and I think that turned him on even more.
Most importantly though, we discovered something that Rainbow's inexperience with sex had kept hidden from her. Rainbow enjoyed being a submissive. Rainbow in everyday life is completely dominant. She is in complete control and hates losing. To her submission felt like losing. However here, forced to contend with the situation, without any further excuses or delays, she discovered she was incredibly turned on. We saw in earlier chapters that she was, at least in mindset, submissive to Fluttershy, and after Fluttershy molested her (thinking she was helping) she didn't put up much resistance. Here though, she fought against Ruby, but remained the submissive, verbally fighting back but letting her body be ravished. At the end, when Ruby had brought her to the brink she even admitted out loud that she loved it. After the act, she had no real fight left and further admitted that Ruby owned her. I suspect that throughout most of the next chapter, for what we see of her, she won't have a great deal of fight in her. At least until she gets a good nights sleep in.
I cannot wait to see what happens next. Whether Fluttershy will return to her happy sexy state, or whether the dose of reality has soured the experience for her. How Ruby will act with Fluttershy and Rainbow in the future. Plus whether Rainbow, having made the shocking (and to her disgusting) discovery that she likes being manhandled in bed, will let herself slip more into her new role, or whether she will continue to fight against. I can totally see the dog collar getting her riled up one way or the other.
All in all its going to be awesome.
7738031
Holy mother of comments! Fixed the italics part. Sorry about that. Hopefully not too many people saw it. I liked your summary, but I'm not going to hit it point by point. You missed a few things that I thought were clear, and hit some things that I thought were vague, so I'm pretty impressed. Loved reading the comment! Dunno who keeps down voting you or why. Any comments on things I did wrong? While glowing praise is nice and all, I actually prefer the opposite. (although I'm cool with both. I'm a switch like that.) Thanks for the comment!
You've acked for input, so here's my two cents.
First, Dash. She's feisty one, and I think she'll benefit from submission scenes quite a lot. And not saying anything about obvious sexual stuff, but there's quite a few things that Ruby could do - like dress her up for training with Wonderbolts. Just putting on her naked body that skin-tight suit, or dressing her in maid outfit when she's in house - slave should be dressed as owner pleases, right? Or reverse that, and make Dash disrobe him, get him out of work clothing, put on some cozy home stuff. Slowly, reasonably make her serve him and deal with fact that she's a slave.
Second, Shy. There's lot of possibilities with her. Teaching Dash to obey their Master, or engaging in some hot lesbian action, putting up work in cleaning, dusting and cooking, as proper slave should. Ruby could walk her to sellers and help with them overcharging her. And she can act on her lewd desires!
Not to mention, you can cover spanking, breath play, make Dash live her day with vibrating bullet inside her... Yum.
7738783 Ok, well I think something you could work on is maybe having Fluttershy be a little more involved and focused. So far she's been happy and had some fun, but her parts never really go too deep and her mindset isn't overly engaging. Obviously her motivations and interactions will be vastly different then Rainbow's, but just because she enjoys the situation doesn't mean she can't grow as a character or get to have some more in depth segments. Perhaps we could have a more detailed look as to what she enjoys about sex and submission, and how she got involved with it initially. Show her current emotional connection to Ruby and whether she actually wants it to grow or stay at a basic sexual partner role with no depth. More about why she enjoys Rainbow's presence during the acts.
Ruby I think has had some great development. He's been a bit indecisive sometimes, about how dominant he actually wants to be and how far he wants to take things. I think this last chapter with Dash has helped that a lot. I think he needs a bit more time with Fluttershy, but after that he should start to escalate things a little bit. It might be good to get a bit more into his personality and history with the crystal empire. He knows a lot about slavery, and I think a discussion with Rainbow and Fluttershy might be a good thing, both for some perspective for Rainbow, and to give Fluttershy some ideas.
Rainbow has been getting some great development so far and I think you are really on the right track with her, letting her fight but slowly discover her own sexual preferences and how she should interact with Ruby and Fluttershy respectively.
Overall the weakest points of the story are more from Fluttershy, but not from mistakes or bad writing, just a lack of character growth or depth. Nothing that can't be fixed with a little closer focus on the character.
7747043
Dude, explicit images are banned on this site. I know your post is old, but better safe than sorry if a mod shows up.
7747043
Actually one of the pictures that inspired this. Also, I'm going to delete the comment. Sorry.
7978835 Drat. Could you say which picture it was (artist, or Derpibooru number, etc.) so we can find it?